Sometimes knowing it is "just a phase"

[medawyn]

doesn't help at all.

 

My 38 week pregnant self is not at all comforted by the fact that my 17 mo will outgrow the hysterics in the parking lot because I will not let her walk all by herself without holding her hand.  Nor am I relishing the running around/squirming like an octopus while dressing and/or diapering phase.  

 

I know it's not my kids' fault that I am a grumpy pregnant woman whose DH is out of town this week and whose MIL is ten days into a 20 day visit, but ugh.

 

Which childhood phases drove you bonkers, even if you knew "this too will pass"?

 

 

[Eagle]

age 3, and I'm worried it isn't a phase!

[Bambam]

Teens. Okay, I was pretty sure every annoying and difficult phase was the worst, but now, even though I have a sweet girl child who will be leaving for college in the fall, I'm pretty sure it is teens. She doesn't talk back, she is very agreeable, she talks to me regularly, she helps out, she does chores without complaining.

 

But ... You can see that sometimes she thinks she knows everything about some things. And... she tries to rearrange my kitchen. And ... she cleans out my closet and tries to make me donate stuff (which is good but).

 

I know I will miss her terribly. I may be concerned that she goes to the right classes on the right days at the right times.

 

But I pretty sure she is meant to go off and be more independent. Because I'm pretty sure she is ready!

 

So, I'm tired of biting my tongue through this phase. I could sing though most of the other ones. I can't think of a good song to get them through this one easily!

 

Oh course, it could be the fact that this is just the phase I'm stuck in and although I *know* this will pass, it hasn't yet!

Edited April 21, 2016 by Bambam

[medawyn]

age 3, and I'm worried it isn't a phase!

 

My 3 year old took an hour to fall asleep tonight, because he was in his bed sobbing that he "wanted a spanking."  And we don't even spank! Clearly we were passed all rational conversation, if there is such a thing with a three year old.

[BigMamaBird]

Three year olds are insane!!  I haven't had teenagers yet, but I vote solidly for the threenagers!

[medawyn]

Teens. Okay, I was pretty sure every annoying and difficult phrase was the worst, but now, even though I have a sweet girl child who will be leaving for college in the fall, I'm pretty sure it is teens. She doesn't talk back, she is very agreeable, she talks to me regularly, she helps out, she does chores without complaining.

 

But ... You can see that something she thinks she knows everything about some things. And... she tries to rearrange my kitchen. And ... she cleans out my closet and tries to make me donate stuff (which is good but).

 

I know I will miss her terribly. I may be concerned that she goes to the right classes on the right days at the right times.

 

But I pretty sure she is meant to go off and be more independent. Because I'm pretty sure she is ready!

 

So, I'm tired of biting my tongue through this phrase. I could sing though most of the other ones. I can't think of a good song to get them through this one easily!

 

I (obviously) don't have teens, but I feel like the teen years might be like the last few weeks of pregnancy; you are so ready to be done that you (almost) don't mind the newborn sleep-deprivation fog, much like you (almost) don't mind them leaving the nest.

[Seasider]

Oh dear, you have good reasons to feel grumpy! I hope you get a good night's sleep and that your toddler will be unusually cooperative tomorrow!

 

Phases that drove me crazy... I think between 2 and 4 were the test-Mom-for-consequences years. They might perfectly understand an instruction or correction, but seemed so curious about how I would react if there were deliberate disobedience (and I don't mean forgetting, I mean outright testing). I so hate to play bad cop. It was sometimes comical with littles so close in age, I'm convinced they tested me in turns to see if the rules would apply equally. Is it only Suzy who can't jump on the sofa, or will Sam get fussed at too? But they were soooo cute. Lucky for them! That phase was physically exhausting.

 

The most mentally wearying phase was midteens. Lots of life changes and adjusting to hormones and endless activities to prep for and attend - those years were stressful. Also, when they're little you can protect and nurture them, but when they're teens they are learning to fly solo, which can be frustrating when you want to help but know you need to give them space.

 

And oh, I detested the potty training phase. Really truly hated it.

[Scarlett]

Teenagers. Because I currently have one who is making me nuts.

 

But 4 was a challenge for a few months. Mostly he was a great kid.

[LMD]

2-4.

 

Toilet training. "NO!" Tantrums. Aggressively clingy. Yes, I have a 2 year old...

[Another Lynn]

My 3 year old took an hour to fall asleep tonight, because he was in his bed sobbing that he "wanted a spanking."  And we don't even spank! Clearly we were passed all rational conversation, if there is such a thing with a three year old.

 

Well, I say if they're asking for it.....  :hat: :D

 

(j/k)

 

 

(This post is in no way intended to represent parenting advice or approval or disapproval of various parenting techniques.  :D )

 

[brehon]

Teenagers <le sigh>

 

In my profession we have a pithy saying for teens and toddlers - high mobility, low common sense.

 

Yes, it works well for both.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I always thought 4 was dreadful.

 

Until we hit the teenaged years.  OMG one of us may not make it through this phase.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I've apologized to my Mom a lot lately. :)

 

I feel like my mom should apologize to me because she always said "I hope at least one of your future children acts just like you!"  :lol:

 

But seriously, yeah, me too.  I start every conversation with my mother by saying "I cannot believe the nerve of this child" and my mom just laughs and laughs.

[medawyn]

Well, I say if they're asking for it..... :hat: :D

 

(j/k)

 

 

(This post is in no way intended to represent parenting advice or approval or disapproval of various parenting techniques. :D )

 

I'm not saying I wasn't tempted...

[medawyn]

I always thought 4 was dreadful.

 

Until we hit the teenaged years. OMG one of us may not make it through this phase.

That is one reassuring thing for me. I may not ENJOY the toddler phases, but I'm pretty sure we'll survive (hopefully with some sanity intact). I don't feel as positive about the teen years. Fortunately I have about a decade of parenting phases and mistakes to weather before I get there.

[Mimm]

Teens are the worst and I'm not convinced it's "just a phase." I'm sorry but this might actually be who she is. I've been waiting for her to outgrow it her entire life.

 

Toddler stuff was cake compared to this. Not everyone has the same experience. My other teen is actually much easier than when she was a toddler. So don't think I'm sitting here going, "Just you wait, it only gets worse!" :) Sometimes it does, but often it gets lots better.

 

But having a difficult teen really puts it in perspective when my toddler acts up. She was really bratty yesterday. She was difficult at a pottery outing we went to with some friends. She had to be taken out and calmed down at one point. She was fussy in the car on the way home. She screamed and kicked me during her diaper change. She ransacked her room because she was mad about her nap. She screamed at me so I couldn't read her her book, then screamed at me because I wouldn't read her her book over the screaming. She's two and half, it's exhausting obviously, but it's ok. She woke up from her nap, we cuddled (and read that book) and she played and had a good evening. Till dinner, which she refused to eat. ;)

 

My point is, my toddler's decisions don't really matter. Nothing she did yesterday has an effect on today (except her toys still need some organization). My teen's decisions are affecting the rest of her life. This is what keeps me up at night.

[BlsdMama]

doesn't help at all.

 

My 38 week pregnant self is not at all comforted by the fact that my 17 mo will outgrow the hysterics in the parking lot because I will not let her walk all by herself without holding her hand.  Nor am I relishing the running around/squirming like an octopus while dressing and/or diapering phase.  

 

I know it's not my kids' fault that I am a grumpy pregnant woman whose DH is out of town this week and whose MIL is ten days into a 20 day visit, but ugh.

 

Which childhood phases drove you bonkers, even if you knew "this too will pass"?

 

 

The three year old unhinging of the jaw - yowling.

 

"Put your hand over your mouth.  Okay, now, keep your lips together.  Do not scream.   Now - talking like you are HUMAN, what do you need?"

 

I have this conversation so much with Catie Mae, it's really not amusing.  Sigh. It is always three and it always takes a few consistent weeks to break it.  

[medawyn]

Teens are the worst and I'm not convinced it's "just a phase." I'm sorry but this might actually be who she is. I've been waiting for her to outgrow it her entire life.

 

Toddler stuff was cake compared to this. Not everyone has the same experience. My other teen is actually much easier than when she was a toddler. So don't think I'm sitting here going, "Just you wait, it only gets worse!" :) Sometimes it does, but often it gets lots better.

 

But having a difficult teen really puts it in perspective when my toddler acts up. She was really bratty yesterday. She was difficult at a pottery outing we went to with some friends. She had to be taken out and calmed down at one point. She was fussy in the car on the way home. She screamed and kicked me during her diaper change. She ransacked her room because she was mad about her nap. She screamed at me so I couldn't read her her book, then screamed at me because I wouldn't read her her book over the screaming. She's two and half, it's exhausting obviously, but it's ok. She woke up from her nap, we cuddled (and read that book) and she played and had a good evening. Till dinner, which she refused to eat. ;)

 

My point is, my toddler's decisions don't really matter. Nothing she did yesterday has an effect on today (except her toys still need some organization). My teen's decisions are affecting the rest of her life. This is what keeps me up at night.

 

 

Anyone parenting teens and toddlers simultaneously has my complete admiration.  I think my head would explode.

[Mimm]

Anyone parenting teens and toddlers simultaneously has my complete admiration.  I think my head would explode.

 

:lol:  Thanks. Some days when I'm dealing with so many emotions I just want to shout, "Ok ONE of you people has to be emotionally stable for the next half  at least! I don't care who! You guys pick."

[BarbecueMom]

My 3 year old took an hour to fall asleep tonight, because he was in his bed sobbing that he "wanted a spanking." And we don't even spank! Clearly we were passed all rational conversation, if there is such a thing with a three year old.

Oh gosh, after reading the old, unedited Thomas the Tank Engine stories where the kids in the story got their butts whooped for releasing James' parking break (somewhere between ages 3-5), the older two boys found spanking HILARIOUS. And they'd sit in shopping carts making up reasons to spank each other, like, "If you see a red box of cereal, I'm going to spank you!" People could hear them! It was humiliating.

 

Half-ages are the worst for me. I have a 2.5yo that threw a fit this morning that his "favorite" scab on my arm healed. I usually have one day a month where that stuff triggers me to start screaming and running out of the house.

Edited April 21, 2016 by BarbecueMom

[Pink and Green Mom]

Teens are the worst and I'm not convinced it's "just a phase." I'm sorry but this might actually be who she is. I've been waiting for her to outgrow it her entire life.

 

 

 

This is a huge fear of mine.  What if the years up to age 12 where he was pleasant were just a phase?  What if sullen, moody, eyerolling, and the answer to every question being a snotty "I know" with a sigh are the real thing?

[Peach]

I have to agree with the above...whoever labelled it the Terrible Twos was off by a year. It was when they turned three.....:) Though compared to some of my friends' kids mine were easy.

 

I am kinda the opposite...I love my teenagers. We're close, they want us around and enjoy doing things with us. They are interesting to talk to and fun. I credit homeschooling for that absolutely. 

[Peaceful Isle]

I think ages 11-12 are the worst. It is a time where they start getting an attitude . Around age 14 they settle down, at least in my experience. I really try to be calm and understanding, but I really can't stand bad attitudes and rolling of eyes.

We have a lot of sit down talks, the kids and I . They aren't pretty, but communication works best for us.

 

Toddlers are a ton less stressful. A yummy snack and pbs / Disney does wonders for their hard days. :)

[fairfarmhand]

Anyone parenting teens and toddlers simultaneously has my complete admiration.  I think my head would explode.

 

Yeah, that's when I knew I was done having babies. My oldest and youngest are 10 yrs apart. So dealing with 13 yo tantrums and 3 yo tantrums on the same day.

 

EXHAUSTING.

[Mimm]

This is a huge fear of mine.  What if the years up to age 12 where he was pleasant were just a phase?  What if sullen, moody, eyerolling, and the answer to every question being a snotty "I know" with a sigh are the real thing?

 

Yeah, the daughter I'm referring to was never easy to parent. Always high energy, high needs. I think if you had the majority of his childhood where he was pleasant, you'll be just fine. 12 was my oldest's worst year. I'm honestly still recovering.

[RootAnn]

I have a friend whose two children are ten years apart. She commented more than once on the similarities between the two in terms of behavior. So, I agree with all of the below snippets.

 

Three year olds are insane!!  I haven't had teenagers yet, but I vote solidly for the threenagers!

 

 

ETA: And teenagers are similar to three year olds

 

 

Yeah, that's when I knew I was done having babies. My oldest and youngest are 10 yrs apart. So dealing with 13 yo tantrums and 3 yo tantrums on the same day.

 

EXHAUSTING.

 

Potty training was the worst. Teaching them to read is exhausting. But, I'll agree with many others on this thread that sometimes the teenager (always-tough-to-parent kid) is the one that has me wanting to throw in the towel some days.

 

I think that parenting & homeschooling a teen is particularly difficult because if you want to vent, you have to be careful who your vent lands on. Some people (including my DH about half the time) can't figure out why I won't just send her to public school. Then, I would only have to deal with the drama in the evenings & weekends, right? (I thought we'd have peaches & cream teenage years. We didn't end up with the idyllic homeschool teen relationship. I honestly think there is a personality aspect to this.)

 

The "Homeschooling Ramona Quimby" talk was really helpful for me last summer (part of the SWB Conference series). My eldest has so many character traits that will serve her marvelously in life as an adult but drive me crazy as her parent. This too shall pass, right?

[lllll]

nm

Edited April 22, 2016 by _ ?^..

[El...]

My 8.5 yo thinks her needs, especially her need for me to set the timer so she can start her typing, are more important than her 4.5yo brother's reading lesson.  She wanted me to get up, leave him mid-poem, and serve her.  She yowled like a 4yo.  What the heck is that!? 

[heartlikealion]

Oh my gosh, the diapering. I don't know if I have an extra difficult child, but it's been a nightmare for several months. She screams bloody murder when you want her to lie down most of the time. I usually change her standing up now on the floor and put pull-ups on her. Not making any real progress potty training, but she likes to remove her diaper or pull-up and has figured out how to unsnap and unzip her one piece night clothes as of a few days ago. Great. Yesterday I was washing dishes and she was content in a play enclosure (view is obstructed by play enclosure walls a bit) and when I walked up to her she had removed her clothing and diaper and had smeared poo in various areas. So I got to wash items and disinfect areas and took her directly to the bath. Uggh. We haven't even officially hit "terrible 2s." She screams at us like a velicoraptor half the time and I'm not sure exactly how to break that habit. I think as she learns more words she will scream less. Yep, gotta tell myself it's just a phase. At least there are fun parts. She went in a bucket swing for the first time this week and had a ball. Mine is 16 mo. With ds, pretty much from 18 months til age 4 or so. Felt like it was just one ongoing battle. He's still difficult but I can reason with him more. 

[medawyn]

 

The "Homeschooling Ramona Quimby" talk was really helpful for me last summer (part of the SWB Conference series). My eldest has so many character traits that will serve her marvelously in life as an adult but drive me crazy as her parent. This too shall pass, right?

 

The "this too shall pass" is my challenge right now.  I have toddlers.  I KNOW it will pass.  But I don't have to like wading through it!

 

Teens?  Well, I assume they'll move out eventually, so if nothing else works...

[medawyn]

Oh my gosh, the diapering. I don't know if I have an extra difficult child, but it's been a nightmare for several months. She screams bloody murder when you want her to lie down most of the time. I usually change her standing up now on the floor and put pull-ups on her. Not making any real progress potty training, but she likes to remove her diaper or pull-up and has figured out how to unsnap and unzip her one piece night clothes as of a few days ago. Great. Yesterday I was washing dishes and she was content in a play enclosure (view is obstructed by play enclosure walls a bit) and when I walked up to her she had removed her clothing and diaper and had smeared poo in various areas. So I got to wash items and disinfect areas and took her directly to the bath. Uggh. We haven't even officially hit "terrible 2s." She screams at us like a velicoraptor half the time and I'm not sure exactly how to break that habit. I think as she learns more words she will scream less. Yep, gotta tell myself it's just a phase. At least there are fun parts. She went in a bucket swing for the first time this week and had a ball. Mine is 16 mo. With ds, pretty much from 18 months til age 4 or so. Felt like it was just one ongoing battle. He's still difficult but I can reason with him more. 

 

I think ours are about the same age (newly 17 mo).  And I do have a ton of fun with her.  But she's definitely starting to hit some of those early toddler behaviors I remember from DS, and even though I know everything is totally normal and she'll out grow it, I'm still frustrated!  Being pregnant is not helping, either.

 

We have not had any poo art, though, for which I am grateful.  That is a trend which I hope to see continue.

[mamiof5]

Well, I say if they're asking for it..... :hat: :D

 

(j/k)

 

 

(This post is in no way intended to represent parenting advice or approval or disapproval of various parenting techniques. :D )

 

Lol! The same thought came to my mind :)

[mamiof5]

I feel each age has it's blessings and joys, but also downsides. We have kids in different age groups, from baby/toddler to young adult. Each age group has plusses, and challenges

[ktgrok]

I've apologized to my Mom a lot lately. :)

 

 

Me too. "I realize that" is the worst phrase ever. And I said it to my mom constantly. And my teen says it to me. UGH. (generally said about some thing they absolutely either didn't realize or didn't properly react to.)

 

[ktgrok]

Anyone parenting teens and toddlers simultaneously has my complete admiration.  I think my head would explode.

 

It is NOT for the faint of heart. At one point we had a pregnant hormonal me, a 2 year old, and a thirteen year old in the house at the same time. 

 

That wasn't pretty. 

[ktgrok]

Yeah, the daughter I'm referring to was never easy to parent. Always high energy, high needs. I think if you had the majority of his childhood where he was pleasant, you'll be just fine. 12 was my oldest's worst year. I'm honestly still recovering.

 

True story. My difficult teen was a difficult infant, difficult toddler, etc etc. He's always been hard. Ages 9-11 were impossible. As in, I cannot believe we all made it out alive. Or not in jail. 

[Tsuga]

age 3, and I'm worried it isn't a phase!

 

Yep.

 

My ex-husband had all kinds of issues and acted like a two-three year old all the time and people kept saying "oh it's a phase".

 

I was like, "I have living, breathing-fire-down-my-neck proof that NOT everyone grows out of it!"

 

Basically the whole entire thing to me. When does it stop being a phase and start being a character issue?

 

Generally I find that whole "just a phase" thing frustrating but maybe I have only heard it out of context.

[freesia]

Three year olds are insane!! I haven't had teenagers yet, but I vote solidly for the threenagers!

I have teens and I still think 3 year olds are the worst phase (although I adore other folks' 3 year olds)

[calihil]

My oldest is 7 and all this talk of hard teens is scaring me!

[JessReplanted]

Sigh. Teenagers. :confused1: They baffle me. All of them- mine, friends', strangers..... The mood swings where one minute you think the most awesome thing EVER is to have a teenager and then suddenly you hear a door slam and wonder what exactly what went wrong and how it happened so quickly. It's like the PMS Fairy and the Hulk had a love child around here some days..

😂 Haha ðŸ‘

[JessReplanted]

Anyone parenting teens and toddlers simultaneously has my complete admiration. I think my head would explode.

Yes. And then add early pre-menopausal hormones to the mix. We are pretty much just a dramatic freak show.

[Starr]

Give me back my toddlers! :D   Sorry you are going through a rough spell.