My turn to let y'all parent my kids...

[luuknam]

They'd stay with the grandparents about 2 weeks.

 

ETA: the question is mostly about the flying part and the possibility of grandparents being late to pick the kids up, not about the length of stay.

 

ETA2: a couple of questions answered in posts 5 and 6. They wouldn't be alone and abandoned if the grandparents are late, but it's still not be a great situation.

Edited December 2, 2015 by luuknam

[Guest]

I'd let a mature eleven year old go with a younger sibling.

[Seasider]

I'm assuming that's a direct flight with no connections?

 

I voted older, not because of the kids but because of the unreliable grandparents. I'd consider asking the gp's to take a nearby hotel room the night before so the long drive and pickup wouldn't be on the same day. Especially if they would pick up then immediately drive back - that's a 10hr round trip.

[TammyS]

I said older, because of the grandparents.  If I felt confident that they would be right there at the gate when the kids landed, sure, go ahead.  But that they could be any amount of late, leaving the kids to stressed and worried (my mother was always late, it was torture, never knowing what was going on)....and being worried that someone might decide to find the police or social services to help these "abandoned kids" (I'm not saying that is what being late amounts to, I'm just saying that some people will interpret it that way...see the other thread about the mom getting arrested for letting her 4 year old play in the apartment complex playground).  I wouldn't chance it.

[luuknam]

I'm assuming that's a direct flight with no connections?

 

I voted older, not because of the kids but because of the unreliable grandparents. I'd consider asking the gp's to take a nearby hotel room the night before so the long drive and pickup wouldn't be on the same day. Especially if they would pick up then immediately drive back - that's a 10hr round trip.

 

Well, the airlines won't let a 5yo fly on a non-direct flight, which is why the grandparents would have to drive 5 hours - otherwise, they'd be able to fly to an airport that's within 30 min from the grandparents. So, yes, direct flight, no connections. The grandparents will NOT drive 10 hours in one day... but depending on what time the kids' flight arrives, they'd either spend the night before picking the kids up (morning flight) or after picking the kids up (afternoon/evening flight). I don't know what times possible flights are when this possible scenario might happen.

[luuknam]

I said older, because of the grandparents.  If I felt confident that they would be right there at the gate when the kids landed, sure, go ahead.  But that they could be any amount of late, leaving the kids to stressed and worried (my mother was always late, it was torture, never knowing what was going on)....and being worried that someone might decide to find the police or social services to help these "abandoned kids" (I'm not saying that is what being late amounts to, I'm just saying that some people will interpret it that way...see the other thread about the mom getting arrested for letting her 4 year old play in the apartment complex playground).  I wouldn't chance it.

 

From what I understand, the "unaccompanied minor" service costs extra largely because the airline will have someone watching the kids to check the grandparents IDs before handing them over. They wouldn't be in the terminal alone, abandoned. That said, I'm sure there is a limit before the airline gets ticked off and possibly puts them on a plane back to us or w/e.

[HomeAgain]

I voted no.  Never.  And I have no problem sending my kids unaccompanied on trips.  The red flag for me was the 5 hour drive and being late.  Too many variables with unreliable people.  NOPE.  I know an attendant will be in care of the kids to hand them off, but no.  Not until my kid was an adult (which means at least 16 for the youngest of yours, if they're going together). 

[Dmmetler]

Check the airline rules. I know my DD (10 at the time) couldn't have flown unaccompanied to her camp last summer because there were no flights that met the requirements (direct only, can't be the last flight of the day (which means that if there's only one flight without connections, you're out of luck) and so on.

 

In DD's case, she could handle the flight, etc fine, but would probably still panic if the adult she was expecting wasn't there to meet her, so that would weigh heavily in my decision. One reason why she got a cell phone last year was to reduce anxiety when she started regularly going places without me, just in case someone's parent was late, even though she could wait safely

at the location and all the adults present had phones and would gladly call me if needed. In a strange airport, I'm not sure that being able to call mom would be enough.

[vonfirmath]

Well. I know last summer I was not willing to let my almost 8 year old fly unaccompanied to meet my parents in a situation where 1) they are reliable and 2) have a half hour drive or less to the airport.  I flew with him and dropped him off. We'll do the same next summer.  So the earliest I would say would be 7 and 10. And then it would depend on the kids.

[Annie G]

Too many variables to really say...are the kids experienced travelers?  Is the flight long? Would they behave on the flight without a parent there? 

 

How late are you thinking the grandparents might be? An hour? Three?  Sounds like getting a morning flight would mean they'd already be in the area and would make them more likely to be on time.   

 

If the kids really want to go, I'd probably consider it. But that's ignoring the length of stay since you said that's not an issue  (but would hold me back with my grands, which is why I'm waffling here). 

[Amira]

The unaccompanied minor fee is large in part to cover situations like these.  It isn't uncommon for someone to show up late to pick a child up- in fact, it just happened to us a couple of months ago when we left two hours early for a one-hour drive to the airport and we got there 45 minutes after the flight arrived because of traffic.  The airline wasn't happy, especially since we had just moved to the US the day before and hadn't been able to give them a US phone number to contact us, but it was fine.  They weren't getting ready to call the police or anything like that and since we had been required to pay a lot for the ticket I didn't feel like I was taking advantage of them. Ds wasn't happy we were late but it wasn't the end of the world.

 

The airline will have your parents' number and you will too so you can contact them, you can call your kids to talk to them in case they're late, and you can tell your kids before that they might be a little delayed and not to worry because the airline will take care of them. I would talk to the grandparents to make sure they know how important it is they leave early and plan to spend some time waiting at the airport.

 

The parents coming late possibly wouldn't make me happy, but that wouldn't be my biggest concern with the flight.

[luuknam]

Check the airline rules. I know my DD (10 at the time) couldn't have flown unaccompanied to her camp last summer because there were no flights that met the requirements (direct only, can't be the last flight of the day (which means that if there's only one flight without connections, you're out of luck) and so on.

 

Good point. I just looked it up, and there are 5 direct flights per day (well, at least for the random day I looked at - but it's probably quite possible to do it). Which also means we could pick an early arrival time, to basically force the grandparents to spend the night before-hand in a hotel near the airport. Which won't make them more punctual, but does reduce the odds of there being unforeseen issues on the way to the airport.

[Catwoman]

Can you fly out there with them and then fly back later the same day? That way, you would be with the kids until the grandparents arrive.

 

Honestly, I think your kids are too young to fly alone -- and I'm not even considering the autism at all, because you're the mom and if you don't think it would be an issue, I will take your word for it. :)

Edited December 2, 2015 by Catwoman

[Excelsior! Academy]

Well, I have let my dds fly alone at 15.  Not together, they are two years apart, both just happened to fly alone at 15.  I also allowed my dds to fly together (unaccompanied) at 15 and 12 with a layover.  While I am a helicopter parent, it seems I am considerably more liberal with airline travel than most people. 

 

In your situation, without meeting all parties involved ;),  I would say 7 and 10.

Edited December 2, 2015 by Excelsior! Academy

[luuknam]

Too many variables to really say...are the kids experienced travelers?  Is the flight long? Would they behave on the flight without a parent there? 

 

How late are you thinking the grandparents might be? An hour? Three?  Sounds like getting a morning flight would mean they'd already be in the area and would make them more likely to be on time.   

 

The kids have been on airplanes a few times. The flight is 2.5 hours. They would probably behave well on the flight.

 

If they're already in the area, I think they shouldn't be more than an hour late. More likely 15-45 minutes. Almost certain to not be more than 2 hours late.

[QueenCat]

Can you fly out there with them and then fly back later the same day? That way, you would be with the kids until the grandparents arrive.

 

Honestly, I think your kids are too young to fly alone -- and I'm not even considering the autism at all, because you're his mom and if you don't think it would be an issue, I will take your word for it. :)

 

Great idea. I did that a couple of times when my kids were younger or something like that. I'd fly there, spend a couple of days and then fly home. Then my mom would fly them back to me and spend a couple of days before flying home.  I wanted them to have time with the grandparents without me but wasn't comfortable with them flying without me until they were closer to 10-12.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Depends on the kid.  My almost 14 year old, yes because I think he could handle it.  My 10 year old?  No way.  He gets freaked out easily. 

 

 

[luuknam]

Can you fly out there with them and then fly back later the same day? That way, you would be with the kids until the grandparents arrive.

 

Let's assume I won't fly out there. I've considered driving there, but that's 18 hours, and financially it'd be tricky at the moment to have my beach vacation while the kids are with my in-laws (I have allergies - I will *not* stay at their house ever again), besides, we haven't even had any measurable snow yet here in Buffalo this year, so I'm not dying to drive south just yet (last year in February I really wanted to - there was soooo much snow last year, but Celery was in public school so I couldn't).

[Catwoman]

Let's assume I won't fly out there. I've considered driving there, but that's 18 hours, and financially it'd be tricky at the moment to have my beach vacation while the kids are with my in-laws (I have allergies - I will *not* stay at their house ever again), besides, we haven't even had any measurable snow yet here in Buffalo this year, so I'm not dying to drive south just yet (last year in February I really wanted to - there was soooo much snow last year, but Celery was in public school so I couldn't).

That's understandable.

 

In that case, though, I don't know what to suggest because there is no way I would let two children as young as yours fly unaccompanied, particularly knowing that the grandparents tend to not be punctual. :(

 

I'm sorry. I wish I had a good suggestion for you so you could make this work.

[luuknam]

and I'm not even considering the autism at all, because you're the mom and if you don't think it would be an issue, I will take your word for it. :)

 

The main reason I mentioned the autism is that I don't think the 8yo can fulfill a "big brother" role very well the way other kids might. He'd probably still be comforting to have around in the "at least I'm not alone" sense, but from a maturity point of view it sometimes seems more like I've got 6yo twins (other times the 8yo does seem older than the 5yo).

[TammyS]

The kids have been on airplanes a few times. The flight is 2.5 hours. They would probably behave well on the flight.

 

If they're already in the area, I think they shouldn't be more than an hour late. More likely 15-45 minutes. Almost certain to not be more than 2 hours late.

 

Wait, what?  Even being in the area they would be "not more than 2 hours late"?! 

[luuknam]

That's understandable.

 

In that case, though, I don't know what to suggest because there is no way I would let two children as young as yours fly unaccompanied, particularly knowing that the grandparents tend to not be punctual. :(

 

I'm sorry. I wish I had a good suggestion for you so you could make this work.

 

A couple of years ago grandpa flew with Celery to spend a couple of weeks in North Carolina (not where they're going now) with him and grandma. Then, they turned it into 3 weeks instead of the discussed 2 weeks, and they missed their return flight and with a lot of trouble managed to get on a later flight (and, grandpa flew with Celery). The problem is that they know that you can fly unaccompanied minor at 5yo, and Broccoli is 5yo now, so why pay for grandpa to fly back and forth (in their eyes)? Besides, I don't think grandpa particularly likes flying either. Given the amount of driving involved to pick them up from an unaccompanied minor flight (which would cost extra too), I'm not sure it makes a difference financially though. However, my in-laws don't always make rational sense.

[luuknam]

Wait, what?  Even being in the area they would be "not more than 2 hours late"?! 

 

Maybe I should give them a little more credit than that. Of course, my experience at 20yo of moving to the US to get married to my wife and having them show up 2 hours late at the airport ("we thought customs/immigration would take longer") was not exactly fun so might make me a little biased. Anyway, I said they'd be unlikely to be more than an hour late. They might even be on time. I just have a bit of a trust issue (for good reasons... see above).

[lovinmyboys]

Well, I let my 5 and 7yr olds fly to visit their grandparents and it was wonderful and would do it again. However, I knew the grands would be there in plenty of time to get them. I can't imagine being late to pick the kids up barring a real emergency. So, I don't know that I would have an age. Someone from the airline would have to take care of the children while waiting for the grands to pick them up right? No matter their age?

[luuknam]

Someone from the airline would have to take care of the children while waiting for the grands to pick them up right? No matter their age?

 

Right. I mean, at some point when they're teenagers (maybe when the youngest is 12? or is it 14? I dunno, not relevant anytime in the nearby future) I'd be able to choose whether I'd want to pay extra for the unaccompanied minor service, but until then, the unaccompanied minor service is mandatory and there would be someone from the airline to babysit them. That someone may or may not be nice to them though.

[Catwoman]

Maybe I should give them a little more credit than that. Of course, my experience at 20yo of moving to the US to get married to my wife and having them show up 2 hours late at the airport ("we thought customs/immigration would take longer") was not exactly fun so might make me a little biased. Anyway, I said they'd be unlikely to be more than an hour late. They might even be on time. I just have a bit of a trust issue (for good reasons... see above).

The thing is, if they know they are responsible for picking up two little kids at the airport, they should be showing up an hour early, not an hour late.

 

The irresponsibility and lack of concern are very worrying.

[Ottakee]

Would it be feasible to pay for an adult to/fly out there with them instead of 2 unaccompanied minor fees?

 

I would be ok with it all.but the grandparents being late thing.

[Frances]

My son flew every summer by himself starting at age 8 to spend a few weeks with his grandparents. But there was never any worry they would not be at the airport before him, and he loved the experience. My niece flew by herself at 5 and there were issues with her dad not being there when she came back home, and it was a very stressful situation for everyone involved. For a first time experience flying alone and with the risk of the grandparents not being on time, I'd probably hold off until the youngest was at least 10.

[abba12]

For me, age 12 is where I start to move from kid mindset to young adult mindset. In this situation, I would want to plan on them being left alone at the airport for awhile, (even with the flight attendant, it's stressful and everyone is a stranger). 12 is the age I'd begin to feel like they could handle themselves and support the younger child confidently should things go badly. But then, flight or not, I'd be unlikely to send any children on a two week trip until the oldest was around 12 no matter what it was, so take that as you will. 

[luuknam]

The thing is, if they know they are responsible for picking up two little kids at the airport, they should be showing up an hour early, not an hour late.

 

See, the thing is, they might be more likely to show up early for their grandkids flying alone, but I won't know until I try it. I would like to think that they'd be more punctual when dealing with a 5 and an 8yo than with a 20yo, or than with a 6yo one of them was flying themselves with, or with a 4yo and a 7yo that my wife flew with (my wife went to a conference, and had to wait an hour or so at the airport with the kids before her parents showed up to take them). But, who knows? Just because *I* (and any sane adult) would try extra hard to be early when it's a 5yo and an 8yo flying alone, that doesn't mean that I can automatically assume they will too. Or assume that "trying harder" is the same as actually being on time/early. 

 

I mean, odds are that this is a non-issue and that they'd try extra hard to be early and stuff, but I hate that there is no way of knowing other than by putting the kids on the plane.

[Catwoman]

See, the thing is, they might be more likely to show up early for their grandkids flying alone, but I won't know until I try it. I would like to think that they'd be more punctual when dealing with a 5 and an 8yo than with a 20yo, or than with a 6yo one of them was flying themselves with, or with a 4yo and a 7yo that my wife flew with (my wife went to a conference, and had to wait an hour or so at the airport with the kids before her parents showed up to take them). But, who knows? Just because *I* (and any sane adult) would try extra hard to be early when it's a 5yo and an 8yo flying alone, that doesn't mean that I can automatically assume they will too. Or assume that "trying harder" is the same as actually being on time/early.

 

I mean, odds are that this is a non-issue and that they'd try extra hard to be early and stuff, but I hate that there is no way of knowing other than by putting the kids on the plane.

I would be thinking exactly the same thing. :grouphug:

[luuknam]

And then the other part is that I have no way of knowing how my kids would react *if* their grandparents were late. I mean, they'd be unlikely to be happy about it, but sometimes little issues like that can be somewhat positive "grandparents were late, and it was scary, but everything turned out fine", but it could also be traumatizing and cause some long-term separation anxiety issues. No clue which way it would go if the grandparents were late (and, y'all not knowing my kids probably can't predict much there either other than "older kids are probably generally better at not freaking out").

 

The fact that I'd be able to tell them ahead that "grandpa & grandma are likely going to be late, it won't be a big deal, etc" would probably be much better than if they expect them to be on time and for some reason they're not, but still.

[Catwoman]

And then the other part is that I have no way of knowing how my kids would react *if* their grandparents were late. I mean, they'd be unlikely to be happy about it, but sometimes little issues like that can be somewhat positive "grandparents were late, and it was scary, but everything turned out fine", but it could also be traumatizing and cause some long-term separation anxiety issues. No clue which way it would go if the grandparents were late (and, y'all not knowing my kids probably can't predict much there either other than "older kids are probably generally better at not freaking out").

 

The fact that I'd be able to tell them ahead that "grandpa & grandma are likely going to be late, it won't be a big deal, etc" would probably be much better than if they expect them to be on time and for some reason they're not, but still.

I'm not sure. If you tell them ahead of time that grandma and grandpa might be late, the kids might worry about it the entire time they are on the plane.

 

Do the kids really have to make this trip? It doesn't seem like a great idea, all things considered.

[luuknam]

Do the kids really have to make this trip? It doesn't seem like a great idea, all things considered.

 

Well, they don't have joined custody, so no, they don't *have* to.

 

The kids might hate me. The in-laws might hate me. My wife might be annoyed at me. There's unlikely to be any physical danger. I just am having trouble figuring out a) what I think the odds are the in-laws will be late at the airport, and b) what the odds are the kids would suffer more than annoyance if they're late. And then of course, c) what kind of odds I'm willing to take.

 

I hate being in this situation. Part of the problem is that I sort of used "he'll be able to fly unaccompanied minor when he turns 5 in November" to delay sending them to their grandparents (they wanted to have the kids come visit them over the summer, but Broccoli had just gone through a phase of separation anxiety so I was not willing to have them visit them without me for any length of time, no matter the transportation). Then, they decided to come visit us in October, and the kids spent the night at the hotel with them (and then the next two nights too... didn't see that coming, but the kids were happy and w/e). And now they want the kids to visit them over xmas break (because that was more or less the original 'plan' - of course also before I knew they'd have to fly to a hub a 5 hour drive from their house). So yeah, maybe I didn't handle all that in the best way. I just... feeling conflicted, and wondering how much I'm biased by simply not liking my MIL (she's crazy, and my wife doesn't like her either).

[Plink]

HFA and unpredictable situations = a no go. Can you just imagine what will happen if there is an unexpected re-routing? The older will be melting down, and the younger left to view the mayhem and absorb the stress.

 

Not worth it.

[Farrar]

Because you said the older child wouldn't be able to do the big brother thing, I chose based on the younger child and I say 7 or 8 at the earliest, though it would depend on the child.

[luuknam]

HFA and unpredictable situations = a no go. Can you just imagine what will happen if there is an unexpected re-routing? The older will be melting down, and the younger left to view the mayhem and absorb the stress.

 

Not worth it.

 

Celery is actually quite weird. A rerouting might very well leave him unfazed. It's the little things that trigger him. He was totally cool with moving from TX to NY. He was really *not* cool with the classroom aide hanging his backpack on the wrong hook in his cubby. Stuff like that. It's unpredictable, but the big things tend to not be issues. And he's actually been pretty good with most little things as well in the past couple of years.

[Dmmetler]

Another question-what is weather likely to be like where you are/they would be flying? I've done a lot of flying in December, and have had a lot of unexpected things happen due to weather. The "we can't land at this airport, so we're landing at one 3 hrs away and will try to continue on when the storm clears" or "your flight is cancelled, so we're routing you through 2 connections and you'll arrive 8 hours later than expected" type stuff. Since it would be a direct flight, hopefully this would happen when they're with you, but I've had things blow up within the amount of time I was on the plane.

[SKL]

I would do it at that age, assuming they don't have big issues with any aspects of it - e.g. can they normally be away from family that long, does anything about planes or airports freak them out, are they reliable with the toilet etc.

 

This is based on my understanding that "unaccompanied minor" means accompanied by a person (albeit a "stranger") who is paid to specifically take care of them the whole time.

 

If it was one kid alone, I might feel more iffy about it.  I'm not sure.  My kids are always together so I don't know how they'd be alone.  :)

Edited December 3, 2015 by SKL

[luuknam]

Another question-what is weather likely to be like where you are/they would be flying? I've done a lot of flying in December, and have had a lot of unexpected things happen due to weather. The "we can't land at this airport, so we're landing at one 3 hrs away and will try to continue on when the storm clears" or "your flight is cancelled, so we're routing you through 2 connections and you'll arrive 8 hours later than expected" type stuff. Since it would be a direct flight, hopefully this would happen when they're with you, but I've had things blow up within the amount of time I was on the plane.

 

We live in WNY, so they'd be flying out of Buffalo. So, yeah... we get winter weather (except this winter, apparently - we might set a record this year for the first date measurable snow falls... the previous record being Dec 3, 1899). They'd be flying to the South. I think hurricane season is about over, so leaving the concern would be winter weather conditions on the flight home. While the in-laws were thinking xmas break, I think that's off the table by now (too late, ticket prices are up), and it'd be more likely to be in January. Won't know the weather until it's here. WNY gets lake effect snow (you know, that 6ft from last Snowvember - though the airport only got a foot, I think - we only got a few inches - there was a huge difference between here and just a few miles to the south).

Edited December 2, 2015 by luuknam

[KungFuPanda]

I wouldn't do it at any age if you're relying on them to get the kid to the airport on time to catch the flight home. Wait til you can go with them.

[luuknam]

I wouldn't do it at any age if you're relying on them to get the kid to the airport on time to catch the flight home. Wait til you can go with them.

 

I'm not that concerned about that. If they miss the flight home, there'll be another flight - it's not like they'll stop having flights to Buffalo after a certain date. They might have to pay, but hey, not my problem.

[Annie G]

If you decide to send them, there's a pretty easy way to prepare them to NOT expect to see the grandparents when they get off the plane. You can tell them that the grands have to get through traffic, park, get into the airport, go through security, make their way to the gate, etc., and that it's hard to time exactly how long that will take. But that flying unaccompanied means that the airline will have a responsible adult stay with them until the grands show up. We had to teach our kids that way back when they flew as little kids- long before we had cell phones and stuff. They just had to be reassured that not seeing their ride as soon as they get off the plane doesn't mean anything is wrong.   

 

It probably helped that they were used to me occasionally being late to pick them up from AWANA or scouts or something.  

 

Hope the grands step it up and show up on time- if they can't make that effort it would concern me - what else would they screw up during the visit???

 

I hope you can make a decision that feels right to you.  The kids will be fine if you say no...some people might get irritated but they'll get over it.  

[unsinkable]

Have you checked other airports near Buffalo to see if they have direct flights to your destination city?

 

Try: Detroit, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Rochester.

 

Then you'd have the drive, not the grandparents.

[happypamama]

I, personally, wouldn't do it this year. I'm not sure I'd do that with my 7yo and almost 11yo sons. Just too many variables with little ones and everything. It's a 2.5 hour flight, and the grandparents have a 5 hour drive? By the time you factor in all of that, plus leaving however early you need to in order to get through check in and everything, it sounds like a lot of hassle. Would it work for all three of you to take the train instead?

[luuknam]

Or, maybe someone (me, grandpa, w/e) can fly them to the grandparents, and they can fly back unaccompanied minor. That way they'd have recently been on an airplane (last time they were on a plane was 1.5 years ago), and I don't have to worry about the grandparents being late picking them up. They could still miss their flight home (not a big deal, just annoying and might cost money, but not my money), and there is *some* possibility of winter weather causing a problem, but it's only a 2.5 hour flight, so unexpected bad weather is pretty unlikely (the airline would probably rather put them on a different flight if it looks like there is a weather problem than risk being stuck babysitting them overnight somewhere).

 

ETA: and the "they haven't flown recently enough" argument might fly with the in-laws, especially since they probably aren't jumping up and down to drive 5 hours to the airport and 5 hours back, twice.

Edited December 3, 2015 by luuknam

[SparklyUnicorn]

And then the other part is that I have no way of knowing how my kids would react *if* their grandparents were late. I mean, they'd be unlikely to be happy about it, but sometimes little issues like that can be somewhat positive "grandparents were late, and it was scary, but everything turned out fine", but it could also be traumatizing and cause some long-term separation anxiety issues. No clue which way it would go if the grandparents were late (and, y'all not knowing my kids probably can't predict much there either other than "older kids are probably generally better at not freaking out").

 

The fact that I'd be able to tell them ahead that "grandpa & grandma are likely going to be late, it won't be a big deal, etc" would probably be much better than if they expect them to be on time and for some reason they're not, but still.

 

I'd be mad at the grandparents that they could not get their act together to be on time.  I don't think that is too much to ask.

 

I'd hesitate to trust someone who can't be bothered to care about this detail.

 

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but really I cannot wrap my head around this.

[IsabelC]

I MIGHT let my kids, currently 12, 10 and 7 do this (in theory. In reality, I couldn't afford for them to travel by plane anyway lol). I wouldn't be that worried about the kids, because I would make a list of possible scenarios with what they need to do in each, and drill them on it until they can recite it in their sleep, and then make them sign an oath in blood not to separate no matter what. (OK, exaggeration, skip the blood, but you get the point.)

 

HOWEVER, if I knew that the family members collecting the kids are not likely to be there early / on time to meet the kids' flight, that might get me worrying about how serious they are about looking after the kids, and what else they might be careless about. So I guess my decision would depend on a ton of history and context. Which isn't much help to you, sorry.

Edited December 3, 2015 by IsabelC

[KarenC]

I voted 11 and 14 if the 11 yo was mature and the 14 yo was still doing well.

[8circles]

Well, they don't have joined custody, so no, they don't *have* to.

 

The kids might hate me. The in-laws might hate me. My wife might be annoyed at me. There's unlikely to be any physical danger. I just am having trouble figuring out a) what I think the odds are the in-laws will be late at the airport, and b) what the odds are the kids would suffer more than annoyance if they're late. And then of course, c) what kind of odds I'm willing to take.

 

I hate being in this situation. Part of the problem is that I sort of used "he'll be able to fly unaccompanied minor when he turns 5 in November" to delay sending them to their grandparents (they wanted to have the kids come visit them over the summer, but Broccoli had just gone through a phase of separation anxiety so I was not willing to have them visit them without me for any length of time, no matter the transportation). Then, they decided to come visit us in October, and the kids spent the night at the hotel with them (and then the next two nights too... didn't see that coming, but the kids were happy and w/e). And now they want the kids to visit them over xmas break (because that was more or less the original 'plan' - of course also before I knew they'd have to fly to a hub a 5 hour drive from their house). So yeah, maybe I didn't handle all that in the best way. I just... feeling conflicted, and wondering how much I'm biased by simply not liking my MIL (she's crazy, and my wife doesn't like her either).

 

Why is this all on you?  Is your wife not bothered by this?  Does she think this sounds like a good plan, to send young children without an adult on a plane to be picked-up by irresponsible grandparents?

 

Good grief, say "no, this isn't a good plan, they will not be going" and be done.