Large Families

[IfIOnly]

My oldest sons and I went to their first robotic's meeting tonight and met the kids and parents. We all had a great time.  I did get the typical comments about our family size that continue to surprise me (and two were at home!) I don't think ever about or judge others' family size, so it always take me off guard. The emotions that surge and dumb things I say at these time bother me too. But tonight the comments and attitudes did not make me feel awkward or judged and that was something I was wondering could ever happen. I was able to share how I really feel (ETA: about being happy with my big family and such) in response to their criticism or just shock/surprise and just have a little conversation about it and move on and enjoy the time and people. So thankful! This is huge! I probably wouldn't have based my life choices on other's approval, but I had no idea having a large family would be a big deal to others. So clueless. 

 

If you have more than (or less than in some cases), I know you can relate somewhat. 

 

 

Edited November 20, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[HRAAB]

It never ceases to surprise me when people make comments about family size. Plus, it doesn't even occur to me that 5 kids makes a large family. I have 5,and it never seemed large to me. If I stop and think about it, I know it's more than the average, but it doesn't feel that way. I'm glad you were able to respond in a positive way and enjoy yourself. That type of comment would catch me off guard.

[abba12]

I get the comments just with my three. And like you, it rather frustrates and angers me. I'm glad they weren't as judgmental and you were able to be yourself, it's so wonderful when that happens. 

 

5 isn't even that big. I was one of 5 and my husband one of 8. It's not large until you hit 6 :P

[lovinmyboys]

I try not to say anything to people about family size, but honestly I am really curious about big families. We have four kids and are done, but I still get baby fever. I'm interested in how families with more children do everything. If I figure it out, maybe I will feel comfortable adding another one or two 😄.

 

It is so rare to see a family larger than mine. It makes them seem super interesting.

[IfIOnly]

I don't feel that 5 is THAT large either, at least, not large enough to merit the shock and surprise that we either encounter regularly. Ha! I've recently been starting to feel thankful for the experience though, and maybe that's why I was okay with it tonight. It's really made me compassionate and extra kind with others who are different or the minority. The looks, the comments. It's difficult. 

[IfIOnly]

I try not to say anything to people about family size, but honestly I am really curious about big families. We have four kids and are done, but I still get baby fever. I'm interested in how families with more children do everything. If I figure it out, maybe I will feel comfortable adding another one or two 😄.

 

It is so rare to see a family larger than mine. It makes them seem super interesting.

 

I don't mind interest and questions! I really don't. I've grown accustomed to complete strangers asking about (and commenting on) my life. Ha!  Gentle, curious questions are never a problem for me, unless it requires TMI. 

Edited November 20, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[DesertBlossom]

I had a lady start making comments about my 3 plus being pregnant. She was even more shocked when I said I had 2 more at home.  Her comments weren't really rude, just a bit off.  She just couldn't imagine it. She did say, "But kids are so expensive" and I responded with "what else are we going to spend our money on?"  That at least quieted her down for a bit before until I found a reason to remove myself from the conversation. 

 

When I was pregnant with #5 I did have one lady started in on me about how I was going to have to pay for all them for college and implying it was all very irresponsible. Whatever. I was mostly shocked because it was a woman I did not know, who (I assumed) was innocently asking how many kids I had, only begin her tirade when I told her.  

 

It reminds me of the line from Jim Gaffigan's show where when people find out how many kids he has say things like "well, that's one way to live your life."  It's funny because it's true. It's how I choose to live my life and love it. I don't go around criticizing other people for their family size.

 

 

 

 

[lea_lpz]

It never ceases to surprise me when people make comments about family size. Plus, it doesn't even occur to me that 5 kids makes a large family. I have 5,and it never seemed large to me. If I stop and think about it, I know it's more than the average, but it doesn't feel that way. I'm glad you were able to respond in a positive way and enjoy yourself. That type of comment would catch me off guard.

I have 3 and am pregnant with twins. I also have a stepson. When I checked in on my kids well doing chores this evening my first thought was my family seemed small right now,seeing only 3 on the couch watching a cartoon together.

[Prairie Dawn]

I also have 5, and I find the attention can be very... odd. Like I'm parading 5 peacocks around or something. In a store, we often have strangers watching us shop, sometimes counting heads, saying, "Wow..." under their breath. My dh especially feels uncomfortable with people's reactions and gawking. And the comments. :huh: Comments started with 3. I've grown more accustomed to it, though I still find the public fascination with 5 (!!) children baffling. Quite a few common vehicles seat seven. It shouldn't be that hard to imagine one family using all those seats, you know?

A "large" family always seemed like one more than we have at any time, anyway.  :laugh: 

[SharonM]

Good for you!!! I would have had a larger family if I could have. But one comeback you could use is, someone has to pay for social security!!!

[IfIOnly]

I also have 5, and I find the attention can be very... odd. Like I'm parading 5 peacocks around or something. In a store, we often have strangers watching us shop, sometimes counting heads, saying, "Wow..." under their breath. My dh especially feels uncomfortable with people's reactions and gawking. And the comments. :huh: Comments started with 3. I've grown more accustomed to it, though I still find the public fascination with 5 (!!) children baffling. Quite a few common vehicles seat seven. It shouldn't be that hard to imagine one family using all those seats, you know?

A "large" family always seemed like one more than we have at any time, anyway.  :laugh:

 

LOL! 

 

Good point about the seats! Haha! 

 

Honestly, I just think about each of my children and my husband when I think about our family, not really about the size even. My loved ones.

[J-rap]

I never felt that big either (we have 5 kids).  To us it felt just right.  But I guess -- especially when our kids were younger -- we caused quite a stir sometimes.  (People told me this later.)  I think it's mostly because our kids were so closely space.  #1 was 6 years old when #5 was born.

 

On the other hand, we live in an area that does have other big families.  We're in a farming area (which tends to have larger families here), and there are a lot of big Irish Catholic families, although most of those are from my own generation, not the generation of our children.  My husband is from a family of 9, and his family was considered only average-sized in his Irish Catholic neighborhood.  His best friend had 13 in his family, and his best friend married a woman with 15 in her family!  Now THAT would be something to see these days!

 

 

[IfIOnly]

The peacock comment is also funny because I've wondered if maybe part of the attention is our clothing or appearances look odd or something?? Not that different is bad! To me though we look typical or our culture. Our haircuts, sneakers, jeans, t-shirts are all mainstream, so I don't think we're different in that way too? I've certainly wondered though.

 

ETA: I particularly notice women who head cover, for instance. They do stand out. I always try to give them a warm smile! I wonder if it's hard for them to be different too sometimes. 

Edited November 20, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[Prairie Dawn]

I try not to say anything to people about family size, but honestly I am really curious about big families. We have four kids and are done, but I still get baby fever. I'm interested in how families with more children do everything. If I figure it out, maybe I will feel comfortable adding another one or two 😄.

 

It is so rare to see a family larger than mine. It makes them seem super interesting.

Oh, I don't mind a polite, honest question or two, or the sweet older ladies reminiscing about their childhood. It's people with no filter who feel compelled to say rude things whose comments bother me. I learned some very helpful tips along the way, like parking by the cart corral, from other moms sharing how they do it, so I wouldn't be bothered by a nice comment or question.

The peacock comment is also funny because I've wondered if maybe part of the attention is our clothing or appearances look odd or something?? Not that different is bad! To me though we look typical or our culture. Our haircuts, sneakers, jeans, t-shirts are all mainstream, so I don't think we're different in that way too? I've certainly wondered though.

 

ETA: I particularly notice women who head cover, for instance. They do stand out. I always try to give them a warm smile! I wonder if it's hard for them to be different too sometimes.

I know what you mean, but no, nothing else striking about us. I've wondered that too. After a lady driving by jumped out of her car and started snapping pictures of us, I decided some people are just... really fascinated. Edited November 20, 2015 by Prairie Dawn

[Holly]

I got a dirty look from a woman in the grocery store the other day.  I'm pretty sure it was over the horrible behavior of my DC (they were being a little loud, but not running around the aisles or anything...and two of them were at piano).  I was amazed that the glaring woman didn't both me in the least, because those types of attitudes used to really upset me.  I told my DD later that I refuse to get worked up over a bitter old woman's attitude.   :leaving:   I think this attitude is much healthier than constantly worrying over what people think of my family's size.  

 

I get very excited when I see families with lots of kids out in public.  I turn into one of those awful people who count the number of kids in a family.   :lol:

Edited November 20, 2015 by Holly

[mommaduck]

In Illinois, they were rude about it (and this was back when I had four and five). In Pennsylvania, we were average (out family went up to eight, still average). In South Carolina, we are odd for our generation, but many came from larger families. We get the the shocked looks and I laugh. No big deal though. I think I'm also too old to care what others think anymore though. When half your children are grown, or near grown, you are old enough to no longer be as self conscious. Everyone else can get over themselves.

[IfIOnly]

I have 3 and am pregnant with twins. I also have a stepson. When I checked in on my kids well doing chores this evening my first thought was my family seemed small right now,seeing only 3 on the couch watching a cartoon together.

Congratulations on your twins, btw!!

[Guest]

When I visit my family in California I feel weird with the kids - it's much less common than our area. But with the close spacing I began getting comments with three and four. Now I'm itching for #6 and trying to wheedle my husband into letting me skip out on the multi year break for my health, and I'm sure we will look ridiculous with everyone marching around.

 

I get lots of looks and comments, mostly kind, but the kids and I are all on the younger side. I know so many families our size or bigger online, I forget that IRL 3-4 is considered the sane upper limit unless your kids are super spread out!

[mamiof5]

Only 5??? When I first read your post I pictured you with a dozen!! We also have 5 :). I guess it depends in the area? We don't get many looks or comments around here, but I do see families with 7-8 or sometimes more? Compared to them we are not a large family. Now...were I was born...2 is the norm, 3 the max, so some folks from there did ask if we were trying to complete our own soccer team or private childcare? It kind of bothered me at the time, but whatever, not their business. Now...if I ever have a stranger bring up the financial part...the hidden snarky in me might come out and just say the plan is for all of them to go on welfare! Then the stranger might have a valid reason to give me the "kids are expensive" reasoning ;)

ETA: just remembered!! A couple times in the past someone has said something about it (can't remember exactly what), but I do remember responding something like "5 is not that many, I love kids...if it'd have been my call I'd have had a dozen"... That usually ends the topic and we move on to the weather :)

Edited November 20, 2015 by mamiof5

[BlsdMama]

I never felt that big either (we have 5 kids).  To us it felt just right.  But I guess -- especially when our kids were younger -- we caused quite a stir sometimes.  (People told me this later.)  I think it's mostly because our kids were so closely space.  #1 was 6 years old when #5 was born.

 

On the other hand, we live in an area that does have other big families.  We're in a farming area (which tends to have larger families here), and there are a lot of big Irish Catholic families, although most of those are from my own generation, not the generation of our children.  My husband is from a family of 9, and his family was considered only average-sized in his Irish Catholic neighborhood.  His best friend had 13 in his family, and his best friend married a woman with 15 in her family!  Now THAT would be something to see these days!

 

 

Come visit. ;)  My FIL was one of 12, my mom was raised one of 11 (and there was a baby boy who died shortly after birth), my dad was one of 11, and my MIL was one of 6.

 

I *love* positive comments.

I don't mind curiousity.

I only mind when people are rude or they cross the lines from "curious" to inappropriate. 

 

I think we've finally become accustomed to being a spectacle, lol.  Our old van had tinted windows.  This one does not.  We've been counted at stoplights, trailed through Costco.  

 

I actually think it is a current phenomenon that shows like the ones on TLC made gave big families a bit of a "fame" factor *and* made it acceptable to ask a lot of questions.  But I also think, for the most part, it's made people more positive?

 

Don't feel bad for not having the "right" thing to say - that comes with practice and sometimes the "right" comment will jump right out of your head if the comment is truly surprising.  ;)

[Joyofsixreboot]

I put it in the same category as the " Oh, I could never homeschool. How do you do it. I couldn't stand to be with my kids all day." comments. Some people compare everything to their own lives. I tend to smile and nod. I always wonder though when they say I don't look like I have 7 what they think I should look like?

[MEmama]

Ok, but for every one of you who is put off by comments and looks, please be aware that asking "oh you ONLY have one?" with pity in your eyes is equally as off putting for those of us who have made different choices. Not to derail, but small families are often put in the position to justify as well (I won't engage in those conversations, for what it's worth, but it certainly can feel awful when another parent insinuates you aren't a REAL mother because you know, you aren't outnumbered by your offspring or some such nonsense).

 

Continue on. Glad you had a good experience!

Edited November 20, 2015 by MEmama

[Mrs. Y]

I was at a store once when I was pregnant and had a number of children with me, but not all of them. The clerk said something about my family size. I was really, really tired and was not in the mood for a perfect stranger to make a HUGE deal about the number of children I had so when asked I only admitted to the number I had with me.

 

In the vehicle afterward, one of my dds scolded me as if I were ashamed of having so many dc. No, I am not ashamed. I always wanted a lot of dc. I just don't see why I have to answer to perfect strangers making a very loud public spectacle of it. Seriously, who does that?

Edited November 20, 2015 by Colleen OH

[Tenaj]

 

 

I think we've finally become accustomed to being a spectacle, lol.  Our old van had tinted windows.  This one does not.  We've been counted at stoplights, trailed through Costco.  

 

 

 

I was just going to post something similar!  Our old van had the clear windows and since we travel 30 minutes on the interstate to church, our children had great fun spotting the people counting.  One poor guy at a gas station once looked like he was convinced he had seen the Duggar clan!  He keep counting and then ducking into his car while still keeping his eyes on the van . . . it probably had nothing to do with us at all . . .but it looked like he was reporting to his wife the head count.  We only have eight kids but that night the van was full because we had 3 guests with us.

 

My kids were so relieved when we bought a newer model that had tinted windows!

 

I don't mind the genuinely curious questions we get when we are out and about.  The only questions that really bother me are when perfect strangers decide that it's their business to ask about our methods of family planning and birth control.  

[Soror]

I have 4 and get a good chunk of comments myself. Generally I receive positive comments and encouragement(it doesn't hurt to have 3 adorable little girls), especially at church(Catholic) from the older generation who more likely had bigger families themselves. I generally receive comments of wonder and awe from my contemporaries. My response is generally smiling, nodding and moving on to anything rude and like you OP I am less and less phased of comments and criticism, I just don't care!

[TammyS]

I only have two, 12 years apart (funky fertility).  I have lots of friends with large families.  We both get our share of inappropriate comments (including one, the last time I was pregnant about wasn't I old for that sort of thing!).  The thing that strikes me, in both cases, is why do people give rat's patooty?  No one is asking you to feed, clothe, house, baby sit, etc.  No one is suggesting that you reproduce at the same rate (and in my less charitable moments I might suggest you don't reproduce at all).  But who cares?  Every family is so different and we all have things we work on, suffer with, etc.....just imagine if we decide to go around judging every choice each other makes?  Would there be time left for anything else?  And would it even change anything?  Gosh, spend your time on something worthwhile (I like knitting).

[Holly]

In Illinois, they were rude about it (and this was back when I had four and five). In Pennsylvania, we were average (out family went up to eight, still average). In South Carolina, we are odd for our generation, but many came from larger families. We get the the shocked looks and I laugh. No big deal though. I think I'm also too old to care what others think anymore though. When half your children are grown, or near grown, you are old enough to no longer be as self conscious. Everyone else can get over themselves.

 

Location does make a difference!  We often visit family in Illinois and come across people put off with our family size.  It gets frustrating when we take our kids site seeing...or even just out to eat!  When we lived in Nebraska, we were often stopped by older couples who loved to tell us about their family with 6+ children.  They were so happy to see a family with more than 3 kids.  Now we are in Wisconsin and it seems to be more neutral, but I notice more negativity when we are in bigger cities as opposed to small towns or rural areas.  

 

 

Edited November 20, 2015 by Holly

[lea_lpz]

I have noticed people watching us shop lately, maybe to observe the kids behavior, at the grocery store as I am now visibly pregnant and have 3 children with me. My kids are no better or worse behaved then most children at the grocery store. I had the same experience pregnant with dd1 when we'd go out as a family with my. 2 bio kids and stepson. I think over 3 seems to be the tipping point although we had a lot of attention 5 years ago when my stepson, dd, and ds we all 5 and under as well.

[Bluegoat]

I have three of my own and occasionally get comments, but I babysit a little girl who looks like she is one of us (and she calls me mom) so people often assume I have four. 

 

I am glad to say no one has ever asked me about personal stuff.  Though once a store clerk said something to the effect that it was a good thing they weren't all mine - my impression was she thought it would be irresponsible, but who knows.

 

The little girls brother will be coming after Christmas so I guess we will really be entering big family territory.

 

I do think part of it is a sort of shock and awe.  Big families seem really rare here.  And I've noticed that a lot of the young moms I meet are so overwhelmed that they have a hard time thinking about a second child, let alone anything beyond that.  Many seem to have a feeling that it must compromise the care the kids will get too, so I wonder if that is part of the feeling that big families might be a bad thing?

[MedicMom]

I only have 3 but they are all young. I get a lot of, "did you plan that" and "if that's what you want" comments.

I'm still reeling from Caden's pregnancy and birth. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue hard not to snap back that I fought hard to have three young children, planned or not.

 

And yes, I do have my hands full.

And yes, it probably is better me than you.

[BlsdMama]

Ok, but for every one of you who is put off by comments and looks, please be aware that asking "oh you ONLY have one?" with pity in your eyes is equally as off putting for those of us who have made different choices. Not to derail, but small families are often put in the position to justify as well (I won't engage in those conversations, for what it's worth, but it certainly can feel awful when another parent insinuates you aren't a REAL mother because you know, you aren't outnumbered by your offspring or some such nonsense).

 

Continue on. Glad you had a good experience!

 I have both a sister and a sister in law who have been profoundly affected by fertility issues....  I'm flabbergasted by what people will say.  One day my sister got a lecture from an extended family member on the depth of her "selfishness" for having just one child.  What in the world?  

 

I saw a chart on this the other day - the only correct answers about someone's family. 

 

[lea_lpz]

I do think part of it is a sort of shock and awe. Big families seem really rare here. And I've noticed that a lot of the young moms I meet are so overwhelmed that they have a hard time thinking about a second child, let alone anything beyond that. Many seem to have a feeling that it must compromise the care the kids will get too, so I wonder if that is part of the feeling that big families might be a bad thing?

This! I think modern parenting trends (and I make this as an observation and by no means to offend anyone) are more demanding than in the past and often unrealistic for parents with more than 2 kids. You here all the jokes about how lots of old routines and rules go out the window with child three and that's definitely been my experience. I don't think my kids are any less well cared for but I have had to let things go and also things that used to bother or worry now just don't so much. I don't think it's better or worse parenting but different!

[lea_lpz]

I do think part of it is a sort of shock and awe. Big families seem really rare here. And I've noticed that a lot of the young moms I meet are so overwhelmed that they have a hard time thinking about a second child, let alone anything beyond that. Many seem to have a feeling that it must compromise the care the kids will get too, so I wonder if that is part of the feeling that big families might be a bad thing?

This! I think modern parenting trends (and I make this as an observation and by no means to offend anyone) are more demanding than in the past and often unrealistic for parents with more than 2 kids. You here all the jokes about how lots of old routines and rules go out the window with child three and that's definitely been my experience. I don't think my kids are any less well cared for but I have had to let things go and also things that used to bother or worry now just don't so much. I don't think it's better or worse parenting but different!

[Bluegoat]

This! I think modern parenting trends (and I make this as an observation and by no means to offend anyone) are more demanding than in the past and often unrealistic for parents with more than 2 kids. You here all the jokes about how lots of old routines and rules go out the window with child three and that's definitely been my experience. I don't think my kids are any less well cared for but I have had to let things go and also things that used to bother or worry now just don't so much. I don't think it's better or worse parenting but different!

 

Yes - I'm on  FB group with new moms - I think I am the oldest there and have the most kids.  There is a lot of angst over things like being able to sit with a child who has been bad - maybe hit another child - to work out his problems so he feels secure, time outs are bad, and so on.  I point out that when you have three screaming kids that isn't very practical - I suspect some might think my kids will turn out to be psychopaths.

[lea_lpz]

Yes - I'm on FB group with new moms - I think I am the oldest there and have the most kids. There is a lot of angst over things like being able to sit with a child who has been bad - maybe hit another child - to work out his problems so he feels secure, time outs are bad, and so on. I point out that when you have three screaming kids that isn't very practical - I suspect some might think my kids will turn out to be psychopaths.

Exactly this! And I was this way until I got outnumbered and tried when I had my two bio and stepson but it was driving me crazy!

 

Two of my very good friends in college came from bigger families (6 & 8). One of them was homeschooled. At the time we'd often discuss wanting larger families than what is common now, but as an only I wondered how it would work. She said her mother felt in a lot of ways a larger family is easier because the kids entertain and help each other so the parents are not constantly responsible for the children's emotional well being. I find this in our case to be true. Please don't misinterpret this to mean my older kids are raising baby, because I am definitely her primary care giver, but the fact that I don't need to be her constant playmate or the only one she interacts with is a big relief! I feel like she gets constant attention from everyone in the famy in a really natural way.

[HRAAB]

I have 3 and am pregnant with twins. I also have a stepson. When I checked in on my kids well doing chores this evening my first thought was my family seemed small right now,seeing only 3 on the couch watching a cartoon together.

I had three girls then got pregnant with twins. Two more girls. Enjoy your babies and congratulations.

[BlsdMama]

Yes - I'm on  FB group with new moms - I think I am the oldest there and have the most kids.  There is a lot of angst over things like being able to sit with a child who has been bad - maybe hit another child - to work out his problems so he feels secure, time outs are bad, and so on.  I point out that when you have three screaming kids that isn't very practical - I suspect some might think my kids will turn out to be psychopaths.

 

 

There are a lot of moms with zero experience advising other moms.  It isn't the way it was meant to be and not the best way to go often.

[DesertBlossom]

I will say I've enjoyed my husband's comeback to the line, "You guys need to get a TV or something." He says, "I don't know what you watch on TV but we haven't found anything else nearly as fun." It makes people blush and feel stupid and they don't say anything else. Lol!

[lea_lpz]

I had three girls then got pregnant with twins. Two more girls. Enjoy your babies and congratulations.

I have a dss, 11, dd8, ds6, dd1....and the twins are both girls so our even streak is broken and we'll now have 4 girls and 1 boy at home except for when dss is here on breaks / every other weekend :)

[Squawky Acres]

I will say I've enjoyed my husband's comeback to the line, "You guys need to get a TV or something." He says, "I don't know what you watch on TV but we haven't found anything else nearly as fun." It makes people blush and feel stupid and they don't say anything else. Lol!

 

Oh, we got that "You guys need to get a TV or something" comment as well.  I didn't realize it was a stock line.  I also had someone tell me she hoped my husband had a well-paying job, as if speculating about someone's income was a polite thing to do in front of them. 

 

The worst was a mother at swim lessons who said of my children quietly loading themselves into the van while she fought with two bickering pre-schoolers, "You have FIVE children!?!  I have trouble dealing with my TWO children!  From now on, whenever I think I'm having a bad day with them, I'll just think of you." 

 

My DD8 gets so exasperated with the "You have your hands full!" comments that she just rolls her eyes and sometimes can't help making a snide comment about how we have never heard that before.

 

Do you all remember that news article written by a girl complaining that she felt "too beautiful," and was so irritated that she attracts so many stares just getting herself from one place to another.  I do feel that when bringing the kids out sometimes, and just wish I could go out without feeling like a circus act.  At Target last week, someone asked if we were a field trip, then another kid pointed and said:  "Look!  A birthday party!" 

[fairfarmhand]

Oh, we got that "You guys need to get a TV or something" comment as well.  I didn't realize it was a stock line.  I also had someone tell me she hoped my husband had a well-paying job, as if speculating about someone's income was a polite thing to do in front of them. 

 

The worst was a mother at swim lessons who said of my children quietly loading themselves into the van while she fought with two bickering pre-schoolers, "You have FIVE children!?!  I have trouble dealing with my TWO children!  From now on, whenever I think I'm having a bad day with them, I'll just think of you." 

 

My DD8 gets so exasperated with the "You have your hands full!" comments that she just rolls her eyes and sometimes can't help making a snide comment about how we have never heard that before.

 

Do you all remember that news article written by a girl complaining that she felt "too beautiful," and was so irritated that she attracts so many stares just getting herself from one place to another.  I do feel that when bringing the kids out sometimes, and just wish I could go out without feeling like a circus act.  At Target last week, someone asked if we were a field trip, then another kid pointed and said:  "Look!  A birthday party!" 

 

My 2 oldest favor my dh's side of the family and my 2 youngest favor me...like the spittin' image of my brother and me.

 

My girls all look nothing alike..redhead, brunette and a blond.

 

I get the comments "Do they all have the same daddy?"

 

Ummmm.. yeah they do, and how many people seriously want to discuss their "history" in the check out line at Walmart? Really?

[UCF612]

I get jealous of large families sometimes!  Most days I'm content with just having 2 but when I see big families I always get a twinge of jealousy that I don't have more.   I think I'd like to have 4 but we're done (for a multitude of reasons) at 2 so I have to learn to love that! We did get accidentally pregnant with a #3 but lost the baby, I was made to feel badly about having 3 kids while pregnant.  When I lost the baby I think some people were actually relieved.  I don't get it at all.  

[Mrs. Y]

I get jealous of large families sometimes!  Most days I'm content with just having 2 but when I see big families I always get a twinge of jealousy that I don't have more.   I think I'd like to have 4 but we're done (for a multitude of reasons) at 2 so I have to learn to love that! We did get accidentally pregnant with a #3 but lost the baby, I was made to feel badly about having 3 kids while pregnant.  When I lost the baby I think some people were actually relieved.  I don't get it at all.  

Oh, sorry to hear of your loss!  ((((hugs))))

 

I would never comment on people's family size---big or small. I do have to think when someone says they wish they had more (even if just for a passing moment).  Someone with a lot of children can never tactfully say, "I wish I had fewer."  (even if just for a passing moment....)

[Bluegoat]

I really don't mind the comment about having my hands full.  Sometimes i do, for one thing.

 

But I think really it is just one of those things people say to connect.  When I used to work as a hotdog vendor, every single day when I ate my lunch, some guy walking by would say "you're eating your profits!"  I think they were just being friendly, it's clearly a totally illogical statement.

[rieshy]

We have 7 and the last time someone asked dh, "Are they all yours?" He answered, "Yes, but I don't know who the mother is."

 

I don't care anymore either- and it is freeing , so good for you! Now that mine are older we are rarely all together while out and about. I almost feel nostalgic about the rude comments:)

[fdrinca]

I have four and am due with #5 any day. We definitely get a few comments, especially as my 8 YO could easily pass for 6 size-wise. 

 

I don't think we get many unpleasant comments. I'm pretty good at deflecting them at this point, at least. My standard line when someone offers a variant of "that's a lot of kids" is "I know! They just keep multiplying! I'm pretty sure I didn't have this one (point to one random kid) when we got into the car this morning." 

 

[MiMi 4under3]

Whenever I'm asked how many kids I have, and I respond "four", people always seem to repeat me,  "Four. Four? You have four?"  :laugh:

 

Our family of 6 once walked into a restaurant. As we passed by a mother sitting with her 2 kids, she said to her own daughter, "Too many kids!" And the daughter (who was about 8) said, "I agree!" Then they kept looking over at us during our meal.

[IfIOnly]

We have 7 and the last time someone asked dh, "Are they all yours?" He answered, "Yes, but I don't know who the mother is."

 

I don't care anymore either- and it is freeing , so good for you! Now that mine are older we are rarely all together while out and about. I almost feel nostalgic about the rude comments:)

 

Thanks for the perspective! That's great. I KNOW this a special time in our lives/family when we're all at home together. Pretty soon, one by one, they'll be grown and gone, which will be wonderful and exciting too. But the now is pretty special!

 

I have four and am due with #5 any day. We definitely get a few comments, especially as my 8 YO could easily pass for 6 size-wise. 

 

I don't think we get many unpleasant comments. I'm pretty good at deflecting them at this point, at least. My standard line when someone offers a variant of "that's a lot of kids" is "I know! They just keep multiplying! I'm pretty sure I didn't have this one (point to one random kid) when we got into the car this morning." 

 

Most of the reactions I receive are not meant to be mean either. It's mostly shock and surprise followed by thoughtless comments.  And, you're funny.  :lol:

Edited November 20, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[IfIOnly]

Whenever I'm asked how many kids I have, and I respond "four", people always seem to repeat me,  "Four. Four? You have four?"  :laugh:

 

Our family of 6 once walked into a restaurant. As we passed by a mother sitting with her 2 kids, she said to her own daughter, "Too many kids!" And the daughter (who was about 8) said, "I agree!" Then they kept looking over at us during our meal.

 

Ugh. I'm sorry. 

[IfIOnly]

Oh, we got that "You guys need to get a TV or something" comment as well.  I didn't realize it was a stock line.  I also had someone tell me she hoped my husband had a well-paying job, as if speculating about someone's income was a polite thing to do in front of them. 

 

The worst was a mother at swim lessons who said of my children quietly loading themselves into the van while she fought with two bickering pre-schoolers, "You have FIVE children!?!  I have trouble dealing with my TWO children!  From now on, whenever I think I'm having a bad day with them, I'll just think of you." 

 

My DD8 gets so exasperated with the "You have your hands full!" comments that she just rolls her eyes and sometimes can't help making a snide comment about how we have never heard that before.

 

Do you all remember that news article written by a girl complaining that she felt "too beautiful," and was so irritated that she attracts so many stares just getting herself from one place to another.  I do feel that when bringing the kids out sometimes, and just wish I could go out without feeling like a circus act.  At Target last week, someone asked if we were a field trip, then another kid pointed and said:  "Look!  A birthday party!" 

 

One time a lady was going on and on at the grocery store, and after she said something that we have heard so many times before, my oldest, just exasperated, looked at her and informed her that we hear this a lot. His honest reaction and answer  totally surprised her and stopped tirade.  

Edited November 20, 2015 by LavenderGirl