Large Families

[mommaduck]

"You know what causes that, right?"

 

"Yes, ma'am, and he's quite good at it!"

 

Me too a nosey old buddy at one of the churches we used to attend.

[Lucy]

We only have four, which seems perfectly normal to us, but we get comments all the time! 

"Don't you know what causes that?"  Yes, and we're really, really good at it. Wink. Wink.

"Your hands are sure full." Full of good things, yes.

"All girls?  Poor daddy." Then one of the girls will look at them with sweet eyes and say, What do you mean?  I love my daddy!

"Too many kids!" Well, friend, why don't you look my kids in the eye and tell them which one doesn't deserve to exist?

 

I have no problem with comments, really.  People are surprised, I get that.  It usually makes me laugh.  But I have gotten a couple of the extremists that are actually not just surprised at our choice to have children, but are actually offended on behalf of humanity and the planet.  Seriously people?  I've even had people cream me for adopting.  Really?  You are going to scold me for loving a child that is already here and all alone?  I don't get it...

 

 

[Slache]

"You know what causes that, right?"

 

"Yes, ma'am, and he's quite good at it!"

 

Me too a nosey old buddy at one of the churches we used to attend.

"You know what causes that, right?"

 

"I thought I did but if that were true we'd have thousands by now!"

[HRAAB]

Yes - I'm on FB group with new moms - I think I am the oldest there and have the most kids. There is a lot of angst over things like being able to sit with a child who has been bad - maybe hit another child - to work out his problems so he feels secure, time outs are bad, and so on. I point out that when you have three screaming kids that isn't very practical - I suspect some might think my kids will turn out to be psychopaths.

My mil, with 14 children, didn't have time to sit alone with each child when they were having a bad time, and none of them turned into psychopaths. In fact, anybody would be proud to be able to claim anyone of them as their child. They are exemplary adults.

[Teannika]

I remember when I was at four children feeling very satisfied. I'd wanted a big family, and that seemed to be it. I'd made it lol.

 

Then when I fell pregnant with number five, I remember being at the library (after just finding out I was pregnant) surrounded by people and feeling soooo embarrassed that we were going to have five children. Which was wierd because both my husband and I come from families of five children.

 

Then I fell pregnant with number six. My response was different again. I felt really happy and not the slightest embarrassed. My husband on the other hand did not even tell his friends or workmates because "It was none of their business." Which I've always found funny, because it's such a personal matter how many children you have, like you can hide it or hide a pregnant wife. So we had opposite reactions on that last one. But what I found was because I was happy and confident having six, I don't remember hearing negative comments, but instead I would reply very excitedly when I get to say that I have six children, and I've realised it's almost bordering on sounding proud. At least it must come across that way like I'm bragging because I'm super happy about it. I've had to try to consciously tone my response down so that I can reply casually "six".

 

A close homeschooling friend has five children, so that makes me feel normal without really thinking about it I guess. I think our own attitude helps reflect our confidence and not worry what others say as much.

 

And I'm like others here, a big family isn't mine, it's always one with an extra child or two :D

Edited November 21, 2015 by Teannika

[lea_lpz]

So funny this topic came up!

 

I was at the library today. We went to story time for my one-year-old, and I ran into a mom I knew and her friend. I was commenting I don't now I six and eight-year-old are having more fun or the one-year-old to the other mom, and she was like "oh my God you have three!" She had this look of shock....and horror! So, I said, "actually my eleven-year-old isn't here and I have two more on the way." "Two more? What do you mean?" She said (more shock and horror!) "i'm having twins." I said and smiled. So she asks, "Like from your body?" And I'm like, "yeah I'm five months," I said touching my stomach. She avoided talking to me after that, lol! She had one. Some major hovering during free play went on. Well I relaxed as my 8 year old girl played with the one year old! No incidents.

[momto10blessings]

I dread taking even half of my 10 kids out in public because of the comments and looks

[IfIOnly]

So funny this topic came up!

 

I was at the library today. We went to story time for my one-year-old, and I ran into a mom I knew and her friend. I was commenting I don't now I six and eight-year-old are having more fun or the one-year-old to the other mom, and she was like "oh my God you have three!" She had this look of shock....and horror! So, I said, "actually my eleven-year-old isn't here and I have two more on the way." "Two more? What do you mean?" She said (more shock and horror!) "i'm having twins." I said and smiled. So she asks, "Like from your body?" And I'm like, "yeah I'm five months," I said touching my stomach. She avoided talking to me after that, lol! She had one. Some major hovering during free play went on. Well I relaxed as my 8 year old girl played with the one year old! No incidents.

 

LOL!  

 

And this is exactly the stuff I'm talking about, including others avoiding me too. It still makes me go  :huh:. I think because I really like people and meeting new people and getting to know others, that maybe the rejection is harder for me. I'm an extrovert.   :seeya:

 

Glad your kids had a great time and you got to relax while they played. ;)

Edited November 21, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[IfIOnly]

I dread taking even half of my 10 kids out in public because of the comments and looks

 

:crying:    :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[TammyS]

 So she asks, "Like from your body?"

 

:lol:  No, Honey, from Ikea.

[IfIOnly]

 I have both a sister and a sister in law who have been profoundly affected by fertility issues....  I'm flabbergasted by what people will say.  One day my sister got a lecture from an extended family member on the depth of her "selfishness" for having just one child.  What in the world?  

 

I saw a chart on this the other day - the only correct answers about someone's family. 

 

 

I should get a t-shirt with this printed on it for when I'm out and about. I think it would look cute with jeans. Ha!

[lea_lpz]

I told my dh and he thought the funniest line was, "from your body!?!"

 

We were cracking up. My dd didn't hear the passing at the library but when I told her about it she said I should have told her, "who knows. Maybe we'll have two more after the twins!"

[IfIOnly]

Yeah, I've LOLed several times about that line since you posted. :laugh: .

[mom2scouts]

I have 5 children and I've never felt that it's a really large family. Comments about the number of children have been very rare. It really isn't that unusual in my area for families to have 3 to 6 children, so maybe that's why I haven't noticed.

[Holly]

My girls all look nothing alike..redhead, brunette and a blond.

 

I get the comments "Do they all have the same daddy?"

 

Ummmm.. yeah they do, and how many people seriously want to discuss their "history" in the check out line at Walmart? Really?

 

We have a redhead, 2 brunettes, and 2 blonds.  I often get asked where the red hair comes from and I can't help but think they are really asking if DD is my DH's child.  :rolleyes:  Genetics are pretty funny!  I keep hoping we'll have another redhead, but so far we just have the one.  

Edited November 21, 2015 by Holly

[blondeviolin]

I get a lot of comments too... I think it's doubly surprising because my kids are all close in age (6 in 9 years).

 

My favorite comments are when someone tells me I don't look like I've had six kids! What that SHOULD look like, I don't know, but I'm glad I look good enough to comment on it.

 

I often get asked if they're all mine. I like to joke that we bring neighborhood kids to the grocery store to make it more interesting.

[Tenaj]

 

My favorite comments are when someone tells me I don't look like I've had six kids! What that SHOULD look like, I don't know, but I'm glad I look good enough to comment on it.

 

 

Ha!  I get this once in a while too.  The creepiest time was when the gentleman (in his late 70's) that lives across the street had my teenage son working for him.  My ds comes home to tell me that Fred commented on how "you know, your mom looks pretty good for having had eight kids".     I wasn't sure how to take that one!

 

I think I've told this story here before, but one time my aunt, who has no kids,  joined a new fitness class and was asked to introduce herself and tell something about herself.  She knew no one in the class so she announces her name and that she has eight kids (she channeled me and gave ages and all).    She was greatly amused  because the ladies fell all over themselves telling her how great she looked for having had eight kids.    

 

It took her a few weeks to 'fess up.

[BlsdMama]

I dread taking even half of my 10 kids out in public because of the comments and looks

 

 

But do your kids enjoy it?  My littler ones have grown up "big family" and I suspect they actually enjoy the spectacle because they are crazy quick to add, "But we left six more at home..."  

[BlsdMama]

We have a redhead, 2 brunettes, and 2 blonds.  I often get asked where the red hair comes from and I can't help but think they are really asking if DD is my DH's child.   :rolleyes:  Genetics are pretty funny!  I keep hoping we'll have another redhead, but so far we just have the one.  

 

We keep telling people this is WHY we have so many... I'm still trying for my redhead. I had one once, for about six months, and it turned brown.  :P :D   Our oldest looks so much like my husband's sister, except she has the most gorgeous CURLY hair and it's brown.  Most of my kiddos are blondes.  Most are long limbed, she is tiny and built short and curvy.  Everyone constantly assumes she either isn't one of the kids or she isn't a full sister.... Nice.

 

 

 

 

I get a lot of comments too... I think it's doubly surprising because my kids are all close in age (6 in 9 years).

 

My favorite comments are when someone tells me I don't look like I've had six kids! What that SHOULD look like, I don't know, but I'm glad I look good enough to comment on it.

 

I often get asked if they're all mine. I like to joke that we bring neighborhood kids to the grocery store to make it more interesting.

 

Yours are really close - I'd wonder if they were all sibs. :D  I can remember in Costco one day (without any of my kids with) when I asked a young pretty mama if they were all hers (five - very close together.) I promise, I cringed inside too but did it anyway and said we had a large family too and she was just going to love it more all the time! ;)  

[IfIOnly]

Ha!  I get this once in a while too.  The creepiest time was when the gentleman (in his late 70's) that lives across the street had my teenage son working for him.  My ds comes home to tell me that Fred commented on how "you know, your mom looks pretty good for having had eight kids".     I wasn't sure how to take that one!

 

I think I've told this story here before, but one time my aunt, who has no kids,  joined a new fitness class and was asked to introduce herself and tell something about herself.  She knew no one in the class so she announces her name and that she has eight kids (she channeled me and gave ages and all).    She was greatly amused  because the ladies fell all over themselves telling her how great she looked for having had eight kids.    

 

It took her a few weeks to 'fess up.

 

 

I get a lot of comments too... I think it's doubly surprising because my kids are all close in age (6 in 9 years).

 

My favorite comments are when someone tells me I don't look like I've had six kids! What that SHOULD look like, I don't know, but I'm glad I look good enough to comment on it.

 

I often get asked if they're all mine. I like to joke that we bring neighborhood kids to the grocery store to make it more interesting.

 

That's one I wouldn't mind so much (but seriously, think people), but I've never received this type of comment.   :toetap05:

 

 

 

:lol:

Edited November 21, 2015 by LavenderGirl

[Teannika]

We have a redhead, 2 brunettes, and 2 blonds. I often get asked where the red hair comes from and I can't help but think they are really asking if DD is my DH's child. :rolleyes: Genetics are pretty funny! I keep hoping we'll have another redhead, but so far we just have the one.

 

Our first came out with red hair, and the next five all came out blonde taking after us. So I get asked that quite a bit too.

 

One day at the library I was standing with the pram and four children, waiting to go in, and a lady began talking to me and mentioned my three children, and it threw me at first wondering why she couldn't count. I said something to correct her, but she corrected me and said "no, you only have three" pointing to the blondies. She ended up being embarrassed because she had assumed the redhead wasn't mine, but it was awkward after that as she wouldn't make eye contact with me again.

[Aelwydd]

I don't know.  I have a half-baked theory that anything that's bought these days is deliberately packaged to make families with more than 2 kids feel big.  To me, 4 or 5 kids is intermediate, with 6+ kids being largish, and 10+ kids very large.   However, everything from ice cream bars to sedans is packaged for the 1- or 2-kid model.  I mean, when you have to buy 2 or 3 bags of chips, when 20 years ago the same amount of chips (in ounces) would be sold in a slightly bigger, less air-filled bag, just sends this message to your subconscious, Hey, look how much more food and money your family goes through.  Look at how many packages of ice cream bars you have to buy versus that family over there with just one kid.

 

I wonder if people are even aware how perceptions about family are being shaped by industry, in the form of its advertisements, its packaging, and even in terms of "suggested serving sizes."  You ever see any Lexus car commercials with more than 2 kids?  I can't think of any. Those are the successful, beautiful people.  You know, the ones that those financial commercials about "managing wealth" are geared to?

 

Anyway, my point is, all this stuff just piles up into the subconscious, and suddenly, people who themselves grew up in families of 3, 4, 5 kids, look around and fixate on the family in the grocery store or the restaurant with 3 or more kids.  Then, come all the inevitable comments and questions that are apparently pulled from the same wiki or something. 

 

I think the social design for smaller families is definitely more noticeable in certain regions, though, like where I live.  Here in Minneapolis, big box stores like Costco and Sam's...if they exist, I haven't come across one here, like I used to in the Dallas/ Fort Worth Metroplex.  So, here there are all these nice, upscale boutique type places (except for Target, lol), and I pity any large family shopping in these places.  Ugh, the bill alone!!! Much less the looks of disapproval from fellow shoppers.

 

Also, here a lot of people bicycle to the grocery store and other places.  I could do that with my only child, who is 12 years old.  How would a family of several children do that?  I mean, you could do a trailer and do a child attachment to the adult's bicycle, but what if you have multiple small kids?  Nope, gotta go with a Suburban or large vehicle.  Which, this area, with its street parking and small parking lots isn't all that friendly to. 

 

Which is one of many reasons why this area tends not to include families with many kids (with the exception of some immigrant-majority neighborhoods), and why most families end up in the suburbs here.  Also, the houses around here tend to be older and small!

 

Then, there are kid activities.  OMG.  The expense.  The time commitment.  It's freaking ridiculous with ONE sport for ONE kid.  My ds just spent 2 hours for a hockey practice today.  They want him back tonight at 9 pm for a goalie lesson.  Then tomorrow morning at 8 for another practice and team photos.  Shit, no wonder I never got around to reproducing again.  I can't keep up with the demands for ONE KID.

 

So, apologies for the rambling post.  I'm basically agreeing that large families are swimming against the tide, in that we are all being subjected to both subliminal and very obvious messages that kids are now a time-intensive, mission critical production that cannot possibly be undertaken in doses of more than one or two at a time.  And those that attempt it are figured to be either very well-to-do, or are irresponsible, neglectful parents, whose poor children are doomed to underdeveloped careers in various extra curriculars like dance or soccer, lol. 

 

Also, they have different priorities in life.

Also, Mother Earth.  Because Suburbans.

 

 

 

Big(ger) families, you got my sympathy.

 

You have to be pretty independent and determined to raise a larger family in today's disjointed society, and I admire those that do it well. You guys are all that and a bag of chips.  (Or three.)

 

 

 

 

Edited November 22, 2015 by Aelwydd

[MiMi 4under3]

Ugh. I'm sorry. 

 

Thank you!  :)

 

It's a good thing none of my kids heard the comments - they were pretty young at the time.

Edited November 22, 2015 by MiMi 4under3

[Aelwydd]

 So, I said, "actually my eleven-year-old isn't here and I have two more on the way." "Two more? What do you mean?" She said (more shock and horror!) "i'm having twins." I said and smiled. So she asks, "Like from your body?"

 

No, from a 3D printer!  Where did she learn social etiquette?  Clown school??! 

 

Oy!

[Kat w]

We have 5 also ( tho the older 2 are living on their own. Ones married and I have a grandbaby! :))

 

But, when all 5 of mine were at home and we went to even church we got all the questions when new ppl came in. Or at a store shopping esp. FOOD shoppin. One lady told me once....you wouldn't have to buy so much food if you didn't have so many kids and even said it was irresponsible . ( after I answered the one we've all heard...they all aren't yours are they? Lol) but she goes onto to say...you kno what causes that right ??? All of this right in front of my kids. Ugh. I said yes ma'am, I do. Do you know what causes rudeness? Sorry. Was a bad day and its really the nicest thing I could think of to say.

:) :)

[Kat w]

And 5's not big!!! Lol

Not IMO anyway :)

I'd have 12 if I could

[happypamama]

If I ever get the "you do know what causes that" comment, I will be so tempted to say, "Cheapest form of entertainment!"

 

I expected a lot more comments about five children, and mine aren't even all that close in age, about three years, except for the last two, who are barely two years apart. I get many more comments about "four boys" than "five kids." I adore when older moms tell me how they had a houseful, or that they had six boys, or whatever.

[Kat w]

Baha! ...cheapest form of entertainment. Love it.

[Teannika]

I don't know. I have a half-baked theory that anything that's bought these days is deliberately packaged to make families with more than 2 kids feel big. To me, 4 or 5 kids is intermediate, with 6+ kids being largish, and 10+ kids very large. However, everything from ice cream bars to sedans is packaged for the 1- or 2-kid model. I mean, when you have to buy 2 or 3 bags of chips, when 20 years ago the same amount of chips (in ounces) would be sold in a slightly bigger, less air-filled bag, just sends this message to your subconscious, Hey, look how much more food and money your family goes through. Look at how many packages of ice cream bars you have to buy versus that family over there with just one kid.

 

I wonder if people are even aware how perceptions about family are being shaped by industry, in the form of its advertisements, its packaging, and even in terms of "suggested serving sizes." You ever see any Lexus car commercials with more than 2 kids? I can't think of any. Those are the successful, beautiful people. You know, the ones that those financial commercials about "managing wealth" are geared to?

 

Anyway, my point is, all this stuff just piles up into the subconscious, and suddenly, people who themselves grew up in families of 3, 4, 5 kids, look around and fixate on the family in the grocery store or the restaurant with 3 or more kids. Then, come all the inevitable comments and questions that are apparently pulled from the same wiki or something.

 

I think the social design for smaller families is definitely more noticeable in certain regions, though, like where I live. Here in Minneapolis, big box stores like Costco and Sam's...if they exist, I haven't come across one here, like I used to in the Dallas/ Fort Worth Metroplex. So, here there are all these nice, upscale boutique type places (except for Target, lol), and I pity any large family shopping in these places. Ugh, the bill alone!!! Much less the looks of disapproval from fellow shoppers.

 

Also, here a lot of people bicycle to the grocery store and other places. I could do that with my only child, who is 12 years old. How would a family of several children do that? I mean, you could do a trailer and do a child attachment to the adult's bicycle, but what if you have multiple small kids? Nope, gotta go with a Suburban or large vehicle. Which, this area, with its street parking and small parking lots isn't all that friendly to.

 

Which is one of many reasons why this area tends not to include families with many kids (with the exception of some immigrant-majority neighborhoods), and why most families end up in the suburbs here. Also, the houses around here tend to be older and small!

 

Then, there are kid activities. OMG. The expense. The time commitment. It's freaking ridiculous with ONE sport for ONE kid. My ds just spent 2 hours for a hockey practice today. They want him back tonight at 9 pm for a goalie lesson. Then tomorrow morning at 8 for another practice and team photos. Shit, no wonder I never got around to reproducing again. I can't keep up with the demands for ONE KID.

 

So, apologies for the rambling post. I'm basically agreeing that large families are swimming against the tide, in that we are all being subjected to both subliminal and very obvious messages that kids are now a time-intensive, mission critical production that cannot possibly be undertaken in doses of more than one or two at a time. And those that attempt it are figured to be either very well-to-do, or are irresponsible, neglectful parents, whose poor children are doomed to underdeveloped careers in various extra curriculars like dance or soccer, lol.

 

Also, they have different priorities in life.

Also, Mother Earth. Because Suburbans.

 

 

 

Big(ger) families, you got my sympathy.

 

You have to be pretty independent and determined to raise a larger family in today's disjointed society, and I admire those that do it well. You guys are all that and a bag of chips. (Or three.)

 

I have to say, I haven't put mine in team sports. Ballet when my youngest was only four. Swimming lessons on occasion. And since then we've done Circus, Gymnastics, and Roller-skating as the only regular commitments (with other home-schoolers mind you.)

 

Even if I had the money and time I'd be struggling with my own personal enthusiasm about investing my afternoons and weekends to sports even doing it with one lol.

 

 

In regards to having a few more children than the norm, I think that I like it because a part of me is a little bit rebellious as well. I am happy that there are not too many more serious restrictions placed on larger families for now though. I think that will change however.

Edited November 22, 2015 by Teannika

[Kat w]

We've done team sports but, not always. There are times and places for it I think.

 

Like when your about to have or adopt a new baby....no sports or music.

 

If 1 or 2 kids can do say swimteam at the same time and day? Or gym on the same day? Then yes Nd depending on what else is going on around here. We have 2 adopted sn younger ones. Establishing therapy, doing therapy , etc...then no.

 

The bigger kids always rolled with it and enjoyed w/e we were or weren't doing at the time ( like down time) def something to b said for down time. And oh does mom love down time :)

 

I hear the 'fottprint' one too. How it affects the globe. I forget which speaker it was a a homeschool conf. Did the math. Bigger families he said actually have a smaller footprint and ...makes sence to me. We can cram more kids in a car!! Lol ;)

[happypamama]

Footprint -- we may have a bigger footprint than a smaller family, but per person, it can be smaller.  Bulk purchasing!  Like, I do a lot of laundry, but almost all of the loads are full ones.  If I need to wash their hapkido uniforms (which get done on cold, gentle), four jackets and four pairs of pants fills the load, so it's more efficient than washing just one set.  Or I need three bedrooms for children, but that's three bedrooms for five children, rather than two bedrooms for three children.  Or I have more children, so a bigger vehicle, but square footage per person in the vehicle might be the same or smaller.

 

I could not have everyone in different activities; it would drive me bananas.  Team travel sports would be so hard.  My four children do the same activity, attending at the same time, so I drive there once.

 

Sometimes, while money may be a little tighter because feeding five children is expensive, several children can actually make purchasing of some items easier to swallow.  I'm putting things on my two-year-old that are on their fourth toddlerboy, and they still look fine.  It's easier to stomach some of the expensive homeschool materials because someone else will use them too.  (That's how we got the big SnapCircuits set; for one child, it was a lot of money, but for the amount of use five children can get out of it over the years, it's a darn good deal.)  So sometimes there are some nice perks of having a bunch of children.

Edited November 22, 2015 by happypamama

[Kat w]

Yes yes. That's what be meant and I didn't convey. Yes. That ler person it equated to cheaper footprint for the reasons you mentioned too. He had a long list. I don't remember them all.

 

I hadn't even thought about the use of the curriculum . that's a good point. I still have ans d use many of the books I used for the older ones tho, with 2 being an I find myself buying more.

Ok I've bought alot lol.but I do still use alot of what I used for their older siblings too. Esp. The read kids all the history, science , activity books.

 

Yes. The activities o think for many of us are much easier to do when they can be done by al or half or what have you.

 

I've seen homeschool families separate out the activities and seems like one of the children inevitablely will wind up w a parent not at a game or meet or w/e. :( that jjs seems sad to me. But. I know....different strokes for different strokes. I just couldn't do it

[Kat w]

Gosh. Sorry. Have a phone thst needs to be replaced. Sorry tupos and I can't seem to edit from my phone .

 

*2 sn lil ones

[Carrie12345]

I do feel like a big family with 5 kids, since there are few around me.  I know there are several families in our co-op with 5, but I was the only one with 4 kids registered last year, and probably this year, too.  The ones I know of also have a wide age spread, so we rarely see each other with all our kids together.

 

While my maternal grandparents were one of 5 and 6, I can't think of any other relatives anywhere in my tree that are outside of the 1-3 category.

 

A few weeks ago, I took all the kids out to dinner while dh was out of town.  Before going in, I proclaimed, "And we're going to be a positive representation of large families, right?"  They all looked at me like I was nuts.

 

We get a lot more use out of curriculum, so I spend pretty freely there.  We do as many activities and events as we can swing, and sometimes more than may be reasonable, but I often feel guilty for having to skip things I know would be great for one or more of them.  Probably because they see friends that are onlies or 1 of 2 doing all those things.  But there's only so much time and money in the world!

[abba12]

Sometimes, while money may be a little tighter because feeding five children is expensive, several children can actually make purchasing of some items easier to swallow.  I'm putting things on my two-year-old that are on their fourth toddlerboy, and they still look fine.  It's easier to stomach some of the expensive homeschool materials because someone else will use them too.  (That's how we got the big SnapCircuits set; for one child, it was a lot of money, but for the amount of use five children can get out of it over the years, it's a darn good deal.)  So sometimes there are some nice perks of having a bunch of children.

 

Oh definitely this. I've gone all out with educational toys and curriculum, I've bought high quality puzzles and games, etc, because I know they'll be passed down. If I want a $200 educational item, like snap circuits, I don't look at it as all that money on one child, but as $50 per child (we're trying for number 4 so I'm counting it in the figures this year lol). It suddenly seems far better value. I suspect my youngest, whenever that is, may end up missing out a bit since I'll be very hesitant to buy new items for a single child's use though!

[beaners]

Add me to the list of people who wonders if her own family is large! I think I can answer yes for sure now that we have 9, but it doesn't feel that big! There's just this kid, and that one, and so on. On the other hand, there are enough kids here that I don't notice when there are a couple extra. One of my friends only has one daughter and was worried that she would be imposing to bring her over on short notice. LOL Nope! What's one more at that point?

 

We get comments and I always freeze in the moment. But we got them way back when we only had one. A woman in a grocery store telling my husband he is clearly the father of my oldest daughter when she was a baby about made me die inside. Was I giving off the "my husband isn't the baby daddy" vibe? On the other hand, one of our adopted sons looks shockingly similar to my husband so we get comments on how much they look alike. Those make me giggle. We have two kids in wheelchairs so we get asked if we are a group home. We were out with another family from the boards when we had fewer kids and someone asked if we were all a Sunday school class.

 

The package serving size and expected family consumption does throw me sometimes. The cheapest oatmeal we can find is in canisters from Aldi, but we go through at least 1.5 of them each breakfast. I'd love something bigger because it feels so wasteful. I won't pay a higher unit price for a bigger size though. Lots of foods are like that. Most of what we eat is made from scratch so it isn't as noticeable. We didn't buy a lot of processed food before, but now it really doesn't mafe sense. We upgraded our family vehicle to a bus. Let your freak flag fly and all that. In other areas we have an economy of scale. Our big Christmas present for the family this year is probably going to be a bounce house. We could buy a ticket for each of the kids to go on once at the carnival, or we could buy one to have and annoy me forever.

[Aelwydd]

The package serving size and expected family consumption does throw me sometimes. The cheapest oatmeal we can find is in canisters from Aldi, but we go through at least 1.5 of them each breakfast. I'd love something bigger because it feels so wasteful. I won't pay a higher unit price for a bigger size though. Lots of foods are like that. Most of what we eat is made from scratch so it isn't as noticeable. We didn't buy a lot of processed food before, but now it really doesn't make sense. We upgraded our family vehicle to a bus. Let your freak flag fly and all that. In other areas we have an economy of scale. Our big Christmas present for the family this year is probably going to be a bounce house. We could buy a ticket for each of the kids to go on once at the carnival, or we could buy one to have and annoy me forever.

 

So the footprint thing.  Yes, I'm concerned about the environment, and I want something to be left for my kid, and his kid(s), if he chooses to reproduce.  But, what pisses me off is that most marketing is geared toward small portions, and that means more individual packaging.  Which means more oil used for plastic, for production, for transportation, etc.  It's a huge freakin' waste!  (Don't even get me started on those stupid K-cups.)

 

Bigger families use, overall, more food, more fuel, more resources, because, yeah, there are more people.  But, I also see that bigger families tend to go with more bulk items (less packaging), more consignment/ second hand clothing, and there are limits on things like how long a hot shower may last.  The reduced packaging thing is actually pretty huge, IMO.

 

Also, because they tend to only do activities where multiples can participate at the same time, or they just don't do them, means fewer trips back and forth.  And take my ds' sport, ice hockey.  You know, we have to drive him to most of his practices and games during the week, and we have to provide him with "new" pads or skates every so often, and so forth - now, multiply that by 15 kids or more, most of whom come from smaller families.  Why? Because most families with several kids cannot afford to shell out $1500 or more per kid, and spend so much time on practices and games.

 

Ponder the larger impact of the above scenario, multiplied by thousands and thousands. It's my opinion that kids' sports, especially travel teams, are a considerable source of carbon emissions.  Ice rinks, basket ball courts, soccer fields, base ball fields -- they all must be maintained, and this means more energy and carbons expended.  It's just part and parcel of the deal.

 

I've noticed that as larger families add more and more kids, they tend to reduce participation in such activities.  Which, one may argue that is sad for their kids, especially for talented kids that don't get to develop their skills at the higher levels.  However! I do not think it's fair to only target these families for carbon footprint violations because of their number, while ignoring the overall usage of carbons by smaller families such as mine.

 

At some point, kids grow up and they do establish their own households, and in the case of bigger families, that does overall mean more housing, more cars, and more children down the road.  I don't know, however, how much technology may improve housing, or whether most of these adult kids will be driving gas guzzlers or turn out to be serious bicyclers, or people who eschew anything but public transit to avoid the expense of owning and maintaining a car.  And it may be that it's MY single kid that ends up driving the huge Suburban (I hope not - those vehicles are so unsexy lol), while his peers from a 8+ kid household are either walking or taking the bus or using Uber. 

 

The point is, that here, in the present, I recognize that there are real differences in the way many larger families meet their housing and food and entertainment and other needs from the way families like mine do.  Thus, it would be really hypocritical of me to judge other bigger families on the basis of how "green" they are, when I know that our lifestyle does include things like travel sports and Disney World vacations and 45 minute long hot showers (don't hate me, I moved from Texas to MN).

 

And yes, those @%*!ing individually wrapped bags of chips. 

Edited November 22, 2015 by Aelwydd

[imagine.more]

Today at church a new woman found out the deacon and his wife have 6 girls and she was shocked...shocked! And asked "how do you do that?" To which one of the other regulars, a matter-of-fact (think geeky engineer), friendly father of two replied totally dead-pan "well I would assume the natural way..." Hahaha! We all about died laughing! It kinda served the woman right, she really was going on far too much about it.

 

My husbands' coworkers at the pizza place he is delivering at while job-hunting found out we have 5 and were amazed, but mostly because of his age or perceived age...being 32 but looking younger.

[mommaduck]

So the footprint thing. Yes, I'm concerned about the environment, and I want something to be left for my kid, and his kid(s), if he chooses to reproduce. But, what pisses me off is that most marketing is geared toward small portions, and that means more individual packaging. Which means more oil used for plastic, for production, for transportation, etc. It's a huge freakin' waste! (Don't even get me started on those stupid K-cups.)

 

Bigger families use, overall, more food, more fuel, more resources, because, yeah, there are more people. But, I also see that bigger families tend to go with more bulk items (less packaging), more consignment/ second hand clothing, and there are limits on things like how long a hot shower may last. The reduced packaging thing is actually pretty huge, IMO.

 

Also, because they tend to only do activities where multiples can participate at the same time, or they just don't do them, means fewer trips back and forth. And take my ds' sport, ice hockey. You know, we have to drive him to most of his practices and games during the week, and we have to provide him with "new" pads or skates every so often, and so forth - now, multiply that by 15 kids or more, most of whom come from smaller families. Why? Because most families with several kids cannot afford to shell out $1500 or more per kid, and spend so much time on practices and games.

 

Ponder the larger impact of the above scenario, multiplied by thousands and thousands. It's my opinion that kids' sports, especially travel teams, are a considerable source of carbon emissions. Ice rinks, basket ball courts, soccer fields, base ball fields -- they all must be maintained, and this means more energy and carbons expended. It's just part and parcel of the deal.

 

I've noticed that as larger families add more and more kids, they tend to reduce participation in such activities. Which, one may argue that is sad for their kids, especially for talented kids that don't get to develop their skills at the higher levels. However! I do not think it's fair to only target these families for carbon footprint violations because of their number, while ignoring the overall usage of carbons by smaller families such as mine.

 

At some point, kids grow up and they do establish their own households, and in the case of bigger families, that does overall mean more housing, more cars, and more children down the road. I don't know, however, how much technology may improve housing, or whether most of these adult kids will be driving gas guzzlers or turn out to be serious bicyclers, or people who eschew anything but public transit to avoid the expense of owning and maintaining a car. And it may be that it's MY single kid that ends up driving the huge Suburban (I hope not - those vehicles are so unsexy lol), while his peers from a 8+ kid household are either walking or taking the bus or using Uber.

 

The point is, that here, in the present, I recognize that there are real differences in the way many larger families meet their housing and food and entertainment and other needs from the way families like mine do. Thus, it would be really hypocritical of me to judge other bigger families on the basis of how "green" they are, when I know that our lifestyle does include things like travel sports and Disney World vacations and 45 minute long hot showers (don't hate me, I moved from Texas to MN).

 

And yes, those @%*!ing individually wrapped bags of chips.

This. Also, large families are NOT more likely to have large families. My husband is one of two and each has eight children. I'm one of ten. I have eight, but everyone else has 0-3 (3, 2, 3, 3, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0 = 14 + my 8 = 22 = average 2.2).

 

Our family has the least amount of waste/use of resources (other than electricity and water)...we even walk everywhere. One of the siblings with one child has the greatest...two cars, lives in an expensive suburban house, travels regularly for vacations, etc (things the rest of us don't do), must likely eat out more, buys newer and nicer things, not used, etc.

[Tsuga]

We each had two and now we have four together. We went from "What a beautiful family," to "Whoa! That's a lot!" It's obvious when you see us that we are a blended family because we are not the same backgrounds (well, not entirely). But still.

 

BldsMama, I love that poster. Love. It. So many things need charts like that.

[EmilyGF]

When we were expecting #5, I got a lot of comments and raised eyebrows. He died the day he was born.

 

Now I'm expecting again (#5 living if you count it that way) and all the people who raised eyebrows or made comments before now tell me how happy they are for me and how glad they are.

 

Emily

[SproutMamaK]

We honestly probably use LESS resources now that we have more kids, because we're forced to reconsider our spending habits. We grow (and can) more of our food. We buy meat in bulk from local farmers instead of small packages from the grocery store. They spend more time oustide playing instead of inside on devices simply because they're loud and I need my sanity, lol. We burn the same amount of gas whether we are carting around 2 kids or 5. We buy used clothes and pass them down through multiple kids until they wear out. But I don't think the actual circumstances matter much to people who make these sorts of arguments; they're looking for reasons to disparage something they are unfamiliar and uncomfortable with and they'll find a way to rationalize their position whether or not it's based in reality.

[Aelwydd]

This. Also, large families are NOT more likely to have large families. My husband is one of two and each has eight children. I'm one of ten. I have eight, but everyone else has 0-3 (3, 2, 3, 3, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0 = 14 + my 8 = 22 = average 2.2).

 

Our family has the least amount of waste/use of resources (other than electricity and water)...we even walk everywhere. One of the siblings with one child has the greatest...two cars, lives in an expensive suburban house, travels regularly for vacations, etc (things the rest of us don't do), must likely eat out more, buys newer and nicer things, not used, etc.

 

Yes, this is exactly it.  I mean, not every small family lives like this, but I think those small families that do, get much more of a "free pass" when it comes to scrutinizing carbon footprints. Which is what I meant by such criticism being unfair to bigger families. 

 

Honestly, the "green" argument seems totally slanted against anyone with more than 2 kids.  This frustrates me because, it obscures the larger problem of how can we become less driven by consumerism and convenience in order to reduce waste and environmental exploitation.  I mean, the larger families generally aren't the ones that go to Target and buy carts and carts of new clothes shipped fresh from Bangladesh and the horrid factories there.  They are not the ones driving "fast fashion" because they are buying their clothes from Goodwill and consignments and using hand-me-downs.  The ones driving fast fashion are...generally the child-free and people with one or two kids.  They're the only ones that can afford it!

 

Anyway, not to derail this thread...I just wanted to say, from my small family to the bigger families here, I do recognize and appreciate how many of you practice "green" living, by necessity, if not always by choice.  And that the answer to the environmental issue is not to demonize families that are doing their best to reduce and reuse, but look at all types of families and see that there is a crap load of waste going on from the "small family sector" that really has an impact.

[Teannika]

When we were expecting #5, I got a lot of comments and raised eyebrows. He died the day he was born.

 

Now I'm expecting again (#5 living if you count it that way) and all the people who raised eyebrows or made comments before now tell me how happy they are for me and how glad they are.

 

Emily

This reminded me of a comment I was going to include in my earlier post but forgot.

 

I've always been surprised that the only person I know of directly who has shown disapproval of my growing family size has been my grandfather. At number #4 his comment was "silly girl", which he said when he spoke on the subject to my parents about. He's in nineties and so it surprises me that even his attitude (that I'm guessing he brings from his own experience and day) is against larger families and that I should go to work and have a career and so on. And I'm close to him, was spoilt by him above the other grandchildren in a sense, lived with him and my nan for a while, and he took me to sports and on holidays while growing up. So he is supportive and loving of me.

 

Anyway, I also had quite a number of miscarriages. I had them before all of the first four living babies. So my own feelings of feeling blessed with living children is heightened as a result. For each child born it feels amazing to me and I'm not sure why it would be looked down upon.

 

My husband is only a mechanic and was only an apprentist when we got married. Somehow the more children we've had the better off we've become. This surprises me even, and makes me so glad that I didn't listen to negativity about me not following a career. We both work very hard though, and my husband does a lot of work on the side to get by.

 

Over the years I've moved to eating healthier, and that has been a bonus too. We too eat mostly from scratch and it's almost easier as well as cheaper. Recently I've become involved in getting a bulk food co-op running with a friend. This has saved me money in purchasing the food and is also even paying for some of the food.

 

Two months ago I came down with Guillian-Barre Syndrome and was half paralysed and in hospital for two weeks. We even survived that period of time with my husbands work giving him four weeks off with sick pay, and extra time off after that with him using up his holidays, and then going back only part time. We were also blessed with my motherinlaw coming to stay and she lived with us through that time to help with the children, and my own mother was also support.

 

You can never plan for the future. But I have learned that it is not set in concrete before it's even began. We decided to make decisions regarding the number of children we were to have as we went along. I'm still not sure what the future holds, but it doesn't occur to me that we couldn't afford another one. Our lifestyle is great, homeschooling is satisfying, we have friends and we have a life.

Edited November 23, 2015 by Teannika

[Teannika]

Oh, and we've just planted a garden and are trying to grow our own vegetables.

[Teannika]

I also don't buy new clothes for the children. Over the years I've bought "designer label" clothes as special items for them to wear second hand from baby markets. We are given the rest, it's rare I need to buy something.

 

For myself I would like to have a few good quality items that would last longer and suit me. But I find the shops don't even stock what I'm after anyway, so I just go without. I mostly just live in shorts and singlet top :)

[BlsdMama]

So the footprint thing.  Yes, I'm concerned about the environment, and I want something to be left for my kid, and his kid(s), if he chooses to reproduce.  But, what pisses me off is that most marketing is geared toward small portions, and that means more individual packaging.  Which means more oil used for plastic, for production, for transportation, etc.  It's a huge freakin' waste!  (Don't even get me started on those stupid K-cups.)

 

 

Lived in Oregon, land 'o the "Green" for almost four years... I finally ran into Earth people/large family stuff.  But, most folks?  Not such a big deal.  But I gotta say, YES!  Don't talk to me about a footprint if you use K-cups. (And, in my defense, I breastfed most of them and used cloth on a bunch, lol!)

[BlsdMama]

This. Also, large families are NOT more likely to have large families. My husband is one of two and each has eight children. I'm one of ten. I have eight, but everyone else has 0-3 (3, 2, 3, 3, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0 = 14 + my 8 = 22 = average 2.2).

 

Our family has the least amount of waste/use of resources (other than electricity and water)...we even walk everywhere. One of the siblings with one child has the greatest...two cars, lives in an expensive suburban house, travels regularly for vacations, etc (things the rest of us don't do), must likely eat out more, buys newer and nicer things, not used, etc.

 

 

This is true.  On my dad's side there are 11 kids, but only 28 grandkids.

On my mother's side there were 12 (11 past infancy) and only 34ish (I'm not writing it all down this AM, but I think it's 34.)

My FIL was one of 12 but only one had 5, and only one had 4.

 

They were all three Catholic families, however, the birth control pill came out around '63, if I remember right.  My grandma stopped having babies right about that time and she was only 35ish after having 11 in 13 years.  I definitely suspect some correlation there.

 

I will say we have a larger footprint than the average family, but significantly smaller per individual if that makes sense, division of bulk resources, etc.

 

Honestly?  The truth is I just wasn't an awesome mom.  I experimented a LOT with parenting techniques.  It's taken a lot of trial and error (sorry, oldest) to figure out what works.

 

 

Bulk parenting is easier, if for no reason than more confidence and having worked out some of the kinks in the system.  The *only* person I know IRL who can/will/does question my parenting is my mom, because, well, that's what moms do.  Now, my sanity, OTOH,  seems a constant source of debate even among strangers. I definitely hear, "You're crazy," more than the average person. :D

 

At the  end of the day, I promise even pretty large families don't realize they ARE large.  I see people in stores all the time and think, "Hey! They have a big family."  And, yes, I'll count.  And the number is usually about five.  We don't even realize it.  We just added one human at a time and it's the way life is so we're just used to it, kwim?  The biggest perk is that, when you cook, if you want leftovers, you cook for a LOT.  So, no one ever feels a burden stopping over for supper.  I love that.  I love that my youngest cousin "hangs out" on weekends.  I love that my mom and dad will pop over for supper.  It's the best part.  And it is totally loud here.  And chaotic.  And we can break ANYTHING.  But it really is a good time! ;)

[ChocolateMomster]

We get lots of comments because not only do we have 4, but also 4 boys. My goodness...the things people say, and that in front of my boys!!! I love my boys and couldn't care less about their gender, but other people seem to have real problems with it!

Yesterday we had the gender scan of our 5th boy, and the people of the scanning place were kind of ridiculous. People honestly don't believe we can actually be happy with another boy. Sigh!

I also don't understand why people ask: 'are they all yours?'. What are they thinking, that I kidnapped some kids on the way to the supermarket? 'No I love walking around town with other people's kids'.

[Tenaj]

We get lots of comments because not only do we have 4, but also 4 boys. My goodness...the things people say, and that in front of my boys!!! I love my boys and couldn't care less about their gender, but other people seem to have real problems with it!

Yesterday we had the gender scan of our 5th boy, and the people of the scanning place were kind of ridiculous. People honestly don't believe we can actually be happy with another boy. Sigh!

I also don't understand why people ask: 'are they all yours?'. What are they thinking, that I kidnapped some kids on the way to the supermarket? 'No I love walking around town with other people's kids'.

 

Yes, what is it with the gender thing?  We have boy, girl, five boys in a row and the last was a girl six years ago.  I'm fifty now so I'm pretty sure she's the last - LOL!    Anyway, constant comments about how we "just had to keep trying for another girl".  Grrr!!!!    Or, in front of the all the boys, "How nice that you finally got another girl!"  Double Grrr!!

 

Yes, we're thrilled with our Dassi-girl but we would have been equally thrilled with another little boy.  Why is that so hard to understand?

 

 

Edited November 23, 2015 by JanOH