So I found a toddler wondering around a parking lot yesterday

[lewber]

DS13 and I went through the drive through and had to circle all the way around again to exit. I saw a tiny boy - maybe 13-15 months old walking around a truck at the end of the parking lot - next to a road that entered into another parking lot. I thought someone was loading another kid into the truck, so I slowed down and watched. When I got there, I saw there was no one around. I stopped my car in the middle of the road and picked up the baby thinking someone would come in a frantic. But nothing. There was no one in the parking lot looking for him.

So, I carried him into the restaurant and told the cashier I had found this baby in the parking lot! I was in shock and didn't really know what to do. She said she thought she knew who he belonged to and walked me to the play area. His mother was there and seemed confused to see me obviously. The cashier said - "he got out" and left. The mom really didn't say much, so I said -"I found your baby all the way out across the parking lot." She said- they keep opening the door, he got out." I repeated, no I found him ALL THE WAY OUT OF THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE PARKING LOT." Then she kind of freaked.

She had one other boy - maybe a year older. Frantically gathered him up and left. Some other customers said she was on her phone the whole time and not watching her kids. I don't know but I was freaked out! I offered to help her get the kids in the car but she took off. When I got home I called the restaurant mostly because I didn't know what else to do. Just to let them know. The baby would have had to get out of the play area and then a double door area to get out of the building. That just seems impossible to me. To get out - to walk across the parking lot of the busiest fast food place in town, to be walking around.

I left the story with the girl who answered the phone. The owner did not have a voice mail nor has he called me back today.

Not that it will happen to me again, but should I have done anything differently? Should I do anything now?  

[TeenagerMom]

I think you handled it fine.  I wouldn't expect any phone calls to be returned.  Situation happened.  Situation was resolved.  No one was harmed.  Time to move!  How fortunate you were able to find him & return him to his Mom!

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

I hope it scared the mom enough to watch better next time... phones are tucked away if I am out in a busy place.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

That is terrifying!!! I agree that you handled it really well! What more could you have done? I hope it's a wake-up call for that mom :(

 

ETA: I think you were a lot kinder than I could have brought myself to be in that situation. It takes a lot of non-watching for a kid to escape the play area, then escape the restaurant, then get across the parking lot, then wander around for awhile, completely unnoticed. I think my adrenaline alone would have had me in a bit of a state!

[mommymilkies]

That is terrifying. I don't think there's anything you can or should do right now.  I'm just glad you stopped!

[Arcadia]

One of the McDonalds play space that we used to go to has a door to the drive thru just next to the door to the play area.  The door to the play area is left open so a toddler can easily follow anyone out the door to the drive thru or the further away door to the parking lots. Kids that age are fascinated with doors.  Toddlers had tried to tailgate me out of the doors which means I can't leave until a staff comes to help escort the child away, as I am scared they run out onto the parking lots.  Unfortunately there is nothing much you can do.

 

When we were at IHOP, a toddler was walking around looking at every table.  The waiter thought she was our child then realize the little girl is just wandering. Luckily the toddler just wandered in the restaurant and didn't follow anyone out.

[lewber]

That is terrifying!!! I agree that you handled it really well! What more could you have done? I hope it's a wake-up call for that mom :(

 

ETA: I think you were a lot kinder than I could have brought myself to be in that situation. It takes a lot of non-watching for a kid to escape the play area, then escape the restaurant, then get across the parking lot, then wander around for awhile, completely unnoticed. I think my adrenaline alone would have had me in a bit of a state!

 

 

This - I was trying to be nice but get the point across that he was really far away - it wasn't that she glanced down and something happened. But I still can't figure out he got out of the restaurant. I don't think he was big enough to open a door himself, so did he slip through with another family? I can totally see another kid letting him out of the play area, but out of the restaurant? 

[Liz CA]

I see kids doing all kinds of stuff while parents are on their cell. And when they finally realize that their input is needed, it often comes across in a "How can you interrupt me...?" kind of tone. Sad but hopefully she learned something that day. As a young mother, I would have been mortified if my son had wandered off so far without me noticing, on the other hand we probably have all "lost" a kid somewhere.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I would have gotten the plates on her car and dimed her to child services. Yes, I am one of Those People.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

One of the McDonalds play space that we used to go to has a door to the drive thru just next to the door to the play area.  The door to the play area is left open so a toddler can easily follow anyone out the door to the drive thru or the further away door to the parking lots. Kids that age are fascinated with doors.  Toddlers had tried to tailgate me out of the doors which means I can't leave until a staff comes to help escort the child away, as I am scared they run out onto the parking lots.  Unfortunately there is nothing much you can do.

 

:scared:  That seems like a terrible accident waiting to happen!

[Rosie_0801]

This - I was trying to be nice but get the point across that he was really far away - it wasn't that she glanced down and something happened. But I still can't figure out he got out of the restaurant. I don't think he was big enough to open a door himself, so did he slip through with another family? I can totally see another kid letting him out of the play area, but out of the restaurant? 

 

People will let kids out of restaurants and playgrounds and whatnot. Sometimes because the kid wants to go, sometimes because they really don't notice a toddler is scooting out around them.

[Bluegoat]

I find that people are reluctant to touch other people's kids. 

 

My middle dd was a runner, and at times she took off and I couldn't catch her - I had a baby in arms or was pregnant.  She would run by people who easily could have stopped her, but they didn't - they sometimes looked like they were thinking about it, but then they refrained.  Once even when she bolted out a door.

 

I really wished a few times that someone would just grab her arm or something, but I don't blame them really, some people get upset by that sort of thing.

[Rosie_0801]

I find that people are reluctant to touch other people's kids. 

 

My middle dd was a runner, and at times she took off and I couldn't catch her - I had a baby in arms or was pregnant.  She would run by people who easily could have stopped her, but they didn't - they sometimes looked like they were thinking about it, but then they refrained.  Once even when she bolted out a door.

 

I was in that situation once and the person who could have stopped her smirked at me and moved out of her way. Who does that?  :huh:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Nothing more you can do now

[Katy]

Honestly I wouldn't have taken her into the restaurant at all, I would have called 911, assuming she wandered from somewhere, or was a car-theft accidental kidnapping and had been dropped off.

 

But I am one of those people.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I find that people are reluctant to touch other people's kids. 

 

My middle dd was a runner, and at times she took off and I couldn't catch her - I had a baby in arms or was pregnant.  She would run by people who easily could have stopped her, but they didn't - they sometimes looked like they were thinking about it, but then they refrained.  Once even when she bolted out a door.

 

I really wished a few times that someone would just grab her arm or something, but I don't blame them really, some people get upset by that sort of thing.

 

This is true, and I've been in that situation myself. I know there have been times when I've seen a kid that I've wanted to stop or was too far away to stop and was sure disaster was imminent, but they were really running to another adult who was waiting for them or another adult was much nearer than I realized. And the community we're part of has a lot of very hands-off, free-range parents who post articles on FB about how they don't want people "helping" their kids because they're trying to raise kids who aren't afraid in the world, etc. And then they get a bunch of people chiming in about how mad they get when other people try to help and how counterproductive it is to their parenting goals, and so on. It is REALLY hard to know when help is actually needed or wanted. I will hate myself if someday I have the opportunity to prevent some accident and I don't because I'm afraid the parents will be ticked, but you just don't know anymore. 

 

If I saw a teeny toddler walking out of a restaurant seemingly by himself, I'd still probably turn and follow or stop and watch. But yeah, sometimes they just look like tagalongs with another family. It's scary!

 

I was in that situation once and the person who could have stopped her smirked at me and moved out of her way. Who does that?  :huh:

 

Well, that's really nasty :( 

[Katy]

I was in that situation once and the person who could have stopped her smirked at me and moved out of her way. Who does that?  :huh:

 

My guess is she thought your DD was cute but not in any danger.  And probably didn't have kids so she didn't know what that was like.

[SeaConquest]

I have a wanderer, who is fearless and very fast. I seldom bring my phone with me to the park because he has disappeared in the blink of an eye before. I have had several instances where I turn my head for a moment, to watch other kids playing, and bwam, he is gone. Just like that. I'm not a terrible mother; it just happens. And most people think it is hysterically funny when they see me running after my son. Seriously, no one stops him, as I am running after him. They just watch and think how cute the whole scene is.

 

He has run into traffic at the park. No one stopped him.

 

He has run out of the pool, through the women's locker room, down the hall of the Jewish Community Center, and almost out the door before I caught up to him, both of us soaking wet and half naked. No one stopped him.

 

As I am locking the house, he has run down the street, around the corner, past the library, and almost to a busy intersection. A cop who was driving by ran out of his car and stopped him in the nick of time, then proceeded to mom-shame me about the ordeal. When I responded in frustration that I was doing the best that I could, he threatened me.

 

I've tried putting my son on a leash, but he just lays on the floor. I would have to literally drag him across the floor. He won't stay in a stroller or a carrier either. I am not saying that this mother did all that she could, but I can tell you that having a wanderer is frightening, exhausting, and basically sucks. I look enviously at other mothers whose kids stay put and sit on their laps, etc.  

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I have a wanderer, who is fearless and very fast. I seldom bring my phone with me to the park because he has disappeared in the blink of an eye before. I have had several instances where I turn my head for a moment, to watch other kids playing, and bwam, he is gone. Just like that. I'm not a terrible mother; it just happens. And most people think it is hysterically funny when they see me running after my son. Seriously, no one stops him, as I am running after him. They just watch and think how cute the whole scene is.

 

He has run into traffic at the park. No one stopped him.

 

He has run out of the pool, through the women's locker room, down the hall of the Jewish Community Center, and almost out the door before I caught up to him, both of us soaking wet and half naked. No one stopped him.

 

As I am locking the house, he has run down the street, around the corner, past the library, and almost to a busy intersection. A cop who was driving by ran out of his car and stopped him in the nick of time, then proceeded to mom-shame me about the ordeal. When I responded in frustration that I was doing the best that I could, he threatened me.

 

I've tried putting my son on a leash, but he just lays on the floor. I would have to literally drag him across the floor. He won't stay in a stroller or a carrier either. I am not saying that this mother did all that she could, but I can tell you that having a wanderer is frightening, exhausting, and basically sucks. I look enviously at other mothers whose kids stay put and sit on their laps, etc.  

 

:grouphug:  You don't have a wanderer, you have a sprinter! I don't think there's any comparison between you and the mom in the OP.

[BooksandBoys]

Some kids can escape from almost anything, even when their parents are engaged and paying attention. It only takes turning your head to look for another of your children for one second for an escape artist to escape. I have one of those. Our house is a veritable fortress now to keep him inside.

 

I chased down a crazy fast child in a parking lot a few months ago. His very pregnant mother was screaming desperately for him to stop and he was laughing as he darted between cars. I lost a few years of my life during that event...I'm sure she lost even more. She didn't thank me, but that's ok, I've been there. Sometimes, you don't think to say thank you because you are too panicked. Other times you don't say thank you because you don't want to risk the lecture. Runners are exhausting, and very few people seem to have any sympathy for those of us parenting the escapees, only judgement.

 

I'm so thankful you were there and picked up the baby! I will thank you for the mother. Thank you, thank you!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You people who would call 911 before even looking for the parents, or calling CPS when you saw that she was on her phone because of your snap judgment that she is a negligent mother, you are the reason that normal people are being regulated beyond belief and left feeling isolated in their own communities.

 

"It takes a village" is better. It just is. Look around for the mommy, tell her what her negligence nearly cost her, say a prayer and move on with your life (which is what the OP actually did).

 

The OP has no further responsibility. The restaurant owner has no further responsibility. The mother of the child is hopefully awakened to her responsibility -- for all we know, she's been freaking out all day and has enrolled in a parenting class --

 

once you've helplessly had a child come down with a life-threatening illness, or known of a dear child whose parents loved him more than anything but he died in an accident anyway, you become very aware of the ease with which tragedy can settle upon any house. It really only takes a moment.

[SeaConquest]

You people who would call 911 before even looking for the parents, or calling CPS when you saw that she was on her phone because of your snap judgment that she is a negligent mother, you are the reason that normal people are being regulated beyond belief and left feeling isolated in their own communities.

 

"It takes a village" is better. It just is. Look around for the mommy, tell her what her negligence nearly cost her, say a prayer and move on with your life (which is what the OP actually did).

 

The OP has no further responsibility. The restaurant owner has no further responsibility. The mother of the child is hopefully awakened to her responsibility -- for all we know, she's been freaking out all day and has enrolled in a parenting class --

 

once you've helplessly had a child come down with a life-threatening illness, or known of a dear child whose parents loved him more than anything but he died in an accident anyway, you become very aware of the ease with which tragedy can settle upon any house. It really only takes a moment.

 

Thank you! My friend lost her five year old to a drowning accident. It took 45 seconds for it to happen. I am seriously over all the mom shaming. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

once you've helplessly had a child come down with a life-threatening illness, or known of a dear child whose parents loved him more than anything but he died in an accident anyway, you become very aware of the ease with which tragedy can settle upon any house. It really only takes a moment.

 

I'm not one who would have called 911, but I understand the sentiment, and it's because of what you've expressed right here. I find it hard to graciously give second chances to people who don't treat their kids like the precious gift they are and whose safety is entrusted to us for such a short time. Because it does only take a moment for them to be taken from us, or for them to be injured beyond comprehension. And for a lot of people, it takes the fear of some major consequence for them to understand why they need to take that responsibility seriously. I have some of those people in my own extended family :(

 

I totally get having a runner. I've been in that situation myself. I've turned away from the kid in department store and turned back to find her hidden in stacks of clothing. I've had the kid who bites me and sprints across the parking lot. I've been the pregnant mama who watches her toddler fall down the stairs because she can't get there fast enough. That's not really what we're talking about here, unfortunately.

[Katy]

You people who would call 911 before even looking for the parents, or calling CPS when you saw that she was on her phone because of your snap judgment that she is a negligent mother, you are the reason that normal people are being regulated beyond belief and left feeling isolated in their own communities.

 

"It takes a village" is better. It just is. Look around for the mommy, tell her what her negligence nearly cost her, say a prayer and move on with your life (which is what the OP actually did).

 

The OP has no further responsibility. The restaurant owner has no further responsibility. The mother of the child is hopefully awakened to her responsibility -- for all we know, she's been freaking out all day and has enrolled in a parenting class --

 

once you've helplessly had a child come down with a life-threatening illness, or known of a dear child whose parents loved him more than anything but he died in an accident anyway, you become very aware of the ease with which tragedy can settle upon any house. It really only takes a moment.

 

I'm not for more regulation of almost anything.  I would be concerned that a toddler close to a road was a victim of crime if I looked around and couldn't see anyone looking for him.  And picking up the child and taking him somewhere could be considered kidnapping, so calling the police would be the safest thing to do. Police or CPS can determine if the child is a runner or not.  If a mcdonalds restaurant was on the other side of the parking lot (in many places that would be more than a quarter of a mile away), I wouldn't assume the child came from there.  I just wouldn't.

 

My dad was the chief of police in my town growing up though, so I probably have more trust of police in general than the average person does.

 

Especially people who get paranoid about police.

[catz]

Honestly I wouldn't have taken her into the restaurant at all, I would have called 911, assuming she wandered from somewhere, or was a car-theft accidental kidnapping and had been dropped off.

 

But I am one of those people.

 

Honestly, I can see doing this too if this was a long way from a business or multiple businesses and no one appeared to be looking for this child.  I would be afraid to take someone's child from where he/she was found.   I'd actually probably sit tight with the kiddo for 5 minutes and wait and see if someone showed up and then call.  I wouldn't see this as an attack or judgment on the parent at all but as possibly trying to preserve the scene of a crime.  If I found a child that young, my first thought wouldn't be the child wandered that far alone.

 

If I actually think I can help a parent, I absolutely without question do so.  I've helped many kids in big box stores and malls.  But if I found a child totally alone and it wasn't clear where baby came from, I don't think calling 911 or the non-emergency line in a case like this seems like a leap. 

 

I do see how something like this could happen, much as I could see how forgetting your baby in the back seat could happen too.  2 families could have been leaving the restaurant and both though baby was with the other family for instance.  Stuff like this can happen to anyone for sure.  My oldest was a runner.  There's a reason my 2 kids are almost 4 years apart. 

[SeaConquest]

I'm not for more regulation of almost anything.  I would be concerned that a toddler close to a road was a victim of crime if I looked around and couldn't see anyone looking for him.  And picking up the child and taking him somewhere could be considered kidnapping, so calling the police would be the safest thing to do. Police or CPS can determine if the child is a runner or not.  If a mcdonalds restaurant was on the other side of the parking lot (in many places that would be more than a quarter of a mile away), I wouldn't assume the child came from there.  I just wouldn't.

 

My dad was the chief of police in my town growing up though, so I probably have more trust of police in general than the average person does.

 

Especially people who get paranoid about police.

 

Have you ever had the police or CPS show up at your door to investigate you? It's not a small thing. Guilty until proven innocent. It feels horrible. And, I am not paranoid about police. My whole extended family is LAPD. But the cop that berated me a few weeks ago was not acting like a public servant seeking to assist an overwhelmed mother. He laid into me about how I needed to do a better job as a mother. I really hope that people will stop calling the authorities in cases like this. Show some empathy and try to help.

[Katy]

Have you ever had the police or CPS show up at your door to investigate you? It's not a small thing. Guilty until proven innocent. It feels horrible. And, I am not paranoid about police. My whole extended family is LAPD. But the cop that berated me a few weeks ago was not acting like a public servant seeking to assist an overwhelmed mother. He laid into me about how I needed to do a better job as a mother. I really hope that people will stop calling the authorities in cases like this. Show some empathy and try to help.

 

I'm really sorry that happened to you.  I am.  If I had to guess that officer had been to the scene of an accident or several where a child was killed by running behind a car, and he was trying to scare the crap out of you.  Maybe he assumed the worst of you. Maybe he didn't think your reaction was appropriate to the situation. Maybe you should contact the department and make a complaint.

 

But honestly my responsibility as a person would not be to prevent the mother from being shamed. It would be to get the wandering baby into a safe circumstance as soon as possible.  If I found a baby alone in public with no one around, the safest thing to do for everyone would be to call the police.  What if there's an amber alert out for the missing baby?  Would you rather be suspected of kidnapping because you're afraid to call the police?

 

And no, I've never been accused of a crime regarding children.  I have considered the ethics of such situations at length though, because I have been witness to abuse in medical care.  And we're in the process of adopting from foster care. There are some moms who need to have some sense talked into them.  I'm sorry that you were mistaken for one of them.

[lovinmyboys]

I will share my story. My Dh was out of town for my oldest's 7th birthday and he really wanted a party. I didn't really feel comfortable doing it because I had 3 smaller kids, but we had a small one in our backyard. Parents were picking up and I was getting everyone out the door at the end of the party and here comes a neighbor I didn't really know carrying my toddler. He told me my ds was just walking down the middle of the road. I honestly didn't even know he had gotten out of the backyard. I felt so awful and sick. But, also grateful that my neighbor brought him to me with only compassion and no judging (and obviously I was glad he was still alive). That was 2 years ago and the neighbor has only been nice to our family. I still kick myself for getting distracted and not watching him well. But, things do happen sometimes, and I am so glad that most people will help to keep kids safe when their parents have dropped the ball.

[Wheres Toto]

My son was a runner and had language delays so there was no calling him back.  We used a leash when he was really little and I was pregnant or had dd.

 

Once I did help a kid out.  We were walking around the top floor of our mall, a mom with a baby in her arms and a stroller was going down the escalator (not sure why, there's an elevator about 30 feet further down and within sight of this escalator) and her toddler didn't step on the escalator with her.  She was trying to hold the stroller and the baby and wasn't able to take the kids hand.  So this poor kid was standing at the top of the escalator screaming for his mom who was just moving farther away.  I was worried that he would step onto the escalator off balance and fall down it (I don't know if they are like this everywhere but this one has a very rough, metal edge) so I picked him up and carried him down.  He stopped crying when I did and kind of looked at me in shock.  Handed him to mom at the bottom, she said thank you and we went on our way.

 

I also pulled a kid to shallower water when swimming in a lake at a county park.

 

[SKL]

Kids manage to get out sometimes.  It even happens to "good parents."  Thank goodness nobody was hurt.

 

A call to CPS or 911 would only be helpful if the child were neglected, and that cannot be known just by the fact that he got out.  There are thousands of anecdotes of tots slipping away from their parents.  Most are not neglectful parents.

 

I also don't agree with berating the mom or demanding the right expressions of shock and horror from her.

[Katy]

I have found toddlers in malls.  I never had the need to call anyone though.  The mom always showed up in less than a minute, grateful I found them.

[MinivanMom]

I'm not for more regulation of almost anything.  I would be concerned that a toddler close to a road was a victim of crime if I looked around and couldn't see anyone looking for him.  And picking up the child and taking him somewhere could be considered kidnapping, so calling the police would be the safest thing to do. Police or CPS can determine if the child is a runner or not.  If a mcdonalds restaurant was on the other side of the parking lot (in many places that would be more than a quarter of a mile away), I wouldn't assume the child came from there.  I just wouldn't.

 

My dad was the chief of police in my town growing up though, so I probably have more trust of police in general than the average person does.

 

Especially people who get paranoid about police.

 

I'm a big believer in pausing to look around for the parents, in giving some grace, etc. I would not be quick to call the police in general. But in the op's situation, I don't think I would have taken the child into the restaurant unless it was abundantly clear that the restaurant was where the child came from (standing right outside the door or I actually saw the child exit the building, etc).

 

I know someone who found a toddler-age child wandering in the playground of her apartment complex. After waiting for 20 min or so, she took the child into her apartment, which was only 10 feet away and faced the playground . . . and then called the police. Well, the mother of the toddler came back outside to find her child was gone and immediately called the police to report a kidnapping. It was a huge mess, and this mother was adamant that her child had been kidnapped by the good Samaritan. It all got sorted out eventually, but the good Samaritan was told that she should not have taken the child inside her apartment.

 

Lesson learned. Not every parent is going to be grateful you found their child and kept him safe. Better to stay in place, and then call the police if it becomes clear that nobody is coming to look for the child.

[SKL]

I'm really sorry that happened to you.  I am.  If I had to guess that officer had been to the scene of an accident or several where a child was killed by running behind a car, and he was trying to scare the crap out of you.  Maybe he assumed the worst of you. Maybe he didn't think your reaction was appropriate to the situation. Maybe you should contact the department and make a complaint.

 

But honestly my responsibility as a person would not be to prevent the mother from being shamed. It would be to get the wandering baby into a safe circumstance as soon as possible.  If I found a baby alone in public with no one around, the safest thing to do for everyone would be to call the police.  What if there's an amber alert out for the missing baby?  Would you rather be suspected of kidnapping because you're afraid to call the police?

 

And no, I've never been accused of a crime regarding children.  I have considered the ethics of such situations at length though, because I have been witness to abuse in medical care.  And we're in the process of adopting from foster care. There are some moms who need to have some sense talked into them.  I'm sorry that you were mistaken for one of them.

 

What OP did resulted in the child being reunited with his mother ASAP.  That is usually the right outcome.

Statistically, the % likelihood that there is an Amber alert out for that child is practically non-existent compared to the likelihood that he simply wandered off from some nearby location where his mom either is or soon will be frantically searching for him.

[SKL]

I'm a big believer in pausing to look around for the parents, in giving some grace, etc. I would not be quick to call the police in general. But in the op's situation, I don't think I would have taken the child into the restaurant unless it was abundantly clear that the restaurant was where the child came from (standing right outside the door or I actually saw the child exit the building, etc).

 

I know someone who found a toddler-age child wandering in the playground of her apartment complex. After waiting for 20 min or so, she took the child into her apartment, which was only 10 feet away and faced the playground . . . and then called the police. Well, the mother of the toddler came back outside to find her child was gone and immediately called the police to report a kidnapping. It was a huge mess, and this mother was adamant that her child had been kidnapped by the good Samaritan. It all got sorted out eventually, but the good Samaritan was told that she should not have taken the child inside her apartment.

 

Lesson learned. Not every parent is going to be grateful you found their child and kept him safe. Better to stay in place, and then call the police if it becomes clear that nobody is coming to look for the child.

 

It doesn't matter of the parent is grateful.  What matters is whether the kid is better served by having the cops called when the parent is probably nearby.

 

I think it would be more likely the person would be accused of kidnapping if she kept the kid in the parking lot vs. bringing the kid into the restaurant to see whose it was.

[momto10blessings]

You're an angel. I wouldn't expect a call back... Hopefully mom learned.

[Eagle]

If I found the child I would have stood to the side of the parking lot with him for several minutes, holding his hand, hoping a parent came looking. I would call out to every person nearby asking if they were the parent or if they could assist in finding his mom or dad. I would request others enter the restaurant or nearby businesses to see if the parent could be found, while I waited with the child. If the parent is looking for him and you leave, it complicates the search. However, if no parent can be found after people have helped check nearby places then I would see no choice but to call the police. Not as a report on a bad parent, but to inform a central place that a child was found and where he is located. If my own child was lost and I couldn't find him after a frantic search, I would call the police and hope they had heard from someone who had found him.

[8circles]

I'm really glad you stopped and that the child was safely returned to his mother so quickly.  I think I'd be pretty shaken up myself.

 

I'm confused about what you expected from her or from the restaurant.

 

... I said -"I found your baby all the way out across the parking lot." She said- they keep opening the door, he got out." I repeated, no I found him ALL THE WAY OUT OF THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE PARKING LOT." Then she kind of freaked. I really don't understand your response to her.  She said that he got out.  Clearly, he did.  Why would you contradict her?  I would also not react very well if someone was conversing with me like that.  I'm not sure what you wanted her to do.  People don't always react the "right way" when they are also embarassed or stressed.  Both of which she probably was at the moment.

... Some other customers said she was on her phone the whole time and not watching her kids. She had good reason to not want to be there anymore.  People were judging her for something that could have happened to many of us.  & We aren't neglectful or bad parents not do we deserve to be shamed for accidents happening.  ...When I got home I called the restaurant mostly because I didn't know what else to do. Just to let them know.Again, I'm confused.  They already knew, didn't they?  It happened there, so how would they not know?  You spoke to the cashier about it. The baby would have had to get out of the play area and then a double door area to get out of the building. That just seems impossible to me. To get out - to walk across the parking lot of the busiest fast food place in town, to be walking around.   I'm not sure if you actually think it's impossible and something else might have happened or ...?

I left the story with the girl who answered the phone. The owner did not have a voice mail nor has he called me back today.  Why would he call you back?  What do you want him to do?

For the record, this hasn't happened to me. I have "lost" my children at the park, despite being present & paying attention.  It really doesn't take much.  People are, in fact, only human.

[El...]

How scary!  I'm so glad you were there to notice him before he got hurt. 

 

I think the advice about staying put where you found him would work better another time, theoretically, because that's what I've taught my kids to do if they get lost.  They are not supposed to run around looking for me; they are supposed to stand where they are and YELL for me.  That way I can retrace my steps to them!  If I found a kid, I wouldn't want to move them to another location, in case the parent was looking for them; I'd get helpers to run around searching for the parent and call the police if that didn't work.

 

However, what you did worked very well in this case.  You were THERE!  You NOTICED!  You STOPPED what you were doing to care for a lost kid.  I hope my kids are near someone like you when they need help.

[sassenach]

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I am. If I had to guess that officer had been to the scene of an accident or several where a child was killed by running behind a car, and he was trying to scare the crap out of you. Maybe he assumed the worst of you. Maybe he didn't think your reaction was appropriate to the situation. Maybe you should contact the department and make a complaint.

 

But honestly my responsibility as a person would not be to prevent the mother from being shamed. It would be to get the wandering baby into a safe circumstance as soon as possible. If I found a baby alone in public with no one around, the safest thing to do for everyone would be to call the police. What if there's an amber alert out for the missing baby? Would you rather be suspected of kidnapping because you're afraid to call the police?

 

And no, I've never been accused of a crime regarding children. I have considered the ethics of such situations at length though, because I have been witness to abuse in medical care. And we're in the process of adopting from foster care. There are some moms who need to have some sense talked into them. I'm sorry that you were mistaken for one of them.

Amber alerts are actually quite complicated to get issued. They don't work the way you seem to think they work.

[sassenach]

I take it as an excellent sign that the mom freaked out.

[maize]

Oh! This thread reminded me of something that happened years ago. I was driving home in the dusk, fortunately going quite slowly because suddenly I saw a small child, maybe two years old, walking right down the middle of the road. I stopped where I was, got out, picked up the child, and rang the bell of the nearest house. They recognized the boy as belonging to a neighbor and we went over together. The house was full of people at a family gathering and no one had noticed that the little guy was gone.

 

I was just grateful to have seen him in the twilight.

 

ETA I tried to get information from the boy but he didn't seem to speak any language I knew.

[unsinkable]

DS13 and I went through the drive through and had to circle all the way around again to exit. I saw a tiny boy - maybe 13-15 months old walking around a truck at the end of the parking lot - next to a road that entered into another parking lot. I thought someone was loading another kid into the truck, so I slowed down and watched. When I got there, I saw there was no one around. I stopped my car in the middle of the road and picked up the baby thinking someone would come in a frantic. But nothing. There was no one in the parking lot looking for him.

So, I carried him into the restaurant and told the cashier I had found this baby in the parking lot! I was in shock and didn't really know what to do. She said she thought she knew who he belonged to and walked me to the play area. His mother was there and seemed confused to see me obviously. The cashier said - "he got out" and left. The mom really didn't say much, so I said -"I found your baby all the way out across the parking lot." She said- they keep opening the door, he got out." I repeated, no I found him ALL THE WAY OUT OF THE RESTAURANT ACROSS THE PARKING LOT." Then she kind of freaked.

She had one other boy - maybe a year older. Frantically gathered him up and left. Some other customers said she was on her phone the whole time and not watching her kids. I don't know but I was freaked out! I offered to help her get the kids in the car but she took off. When I got home I called the restaurant mostly because I didn't know what else to do. Just to let them know. The baby would have had to get out of the play area and then a double door area to get out of the building. That just seems impossible to me. To get out - to walk across the parking lot of the busiest fast food place in town, to be walking around.

I left the story with the girl who answered the phone. The owner did not have a voice mail nor has he called me back today.

Not that it will happen to me again, but should I have done anything differently? Should I do anything now?

Thank you for doing this.

 

I know you asked what you should have done differently. But I don't think you deserve the blow by blow dissection of what you DID do. Some of these posts seem harsh and unnecessary.

 

You did the right thing.

[Katy]

Amber alerts are actually quite complicated to get issued. They don't work the way you seem to think they work.

 

Seriously?  You've never heard the stories of amber alerts where a child was in the back seat when a car was stolen, and child was dropped off and found in a remote location later, car never to be seen again? They can be issued in less than 20 minutes after a child is reported missing.

[sassenach]

Seriously?  You've never heard the stories of amber alerts where a child was in the back seat when a car was stolen, and child was dropped off and found in a remote location later, car never to be seen again? They can be issued in less than 20 minutes after a child is reported missing.

Yes, seriously. My best friend is a special crimes investigator. One of her gripes is that the public seems to think that Amber alerts get issued with one phone call. That would not be accurate. This situation would never result in an Amber Alert, because one of the major criteria for issuing it is a confirmed abduction in a specific vehicle.

 

And to answer your other question, yes, I have heard of those stories where a child is confirmed to be abducted in a specific, identifiable vehicle and an Amber Alert is issued. I am failing to see the connection to this situation.

[Katy]

Yes, seriously. My best friend is a special crimes investigator. One of her gripes is that the public seems to think that Amber alerts get issued with one phone call. That would not be accurate. This situation would never result in an Amber Alert, because one of the major criteria for issuing it is a confirmed abduction in a specific vehicle.

 

And to answer your other question, yes, I have heard of those stories where a child is confirmed to be abducted in a specific, identifiable vehicle and an Amber Alert is issued. I am failing to see the connection to this situation.

 

As I stated above, I've heard of children in stolen cars being dropped off in parking lots.

 

[8circles]

Thank you for doing this.

 

I know you asked what you should have done differently. But I don't think you deserve the blow by blow dissection of what you DID do. Some of these posts seem harsh and unnecessary.

 

You did the right thing.

 

Well, I *think* I'm the only one who has done anything close to a blow-by-blow so I'm pretty sure you're talking about me.  

 

I think you're misunderstanding me, but I don't think that actually matters, because you seem to follow me everywhere making these statements.  But in the off-chance that you are actually misunderstanding...

 

I don't think the OP did anything wrong overall.  I think she in part reacted without fully thinking-through when she spoke to the mother - which is understandable under the circumstances but after giving it some time, maybe she can also see why the mother reacted how she did & have some understanding there.  I am glad that she did what she did.  She seemed unsure of how things had played-out and I was trying to figure out what she thought should have happened.  Just trying, apparently badly, to add some clarity.

[lewber]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

To clarify, I wasn't really looking for a certain response from her, I just didn't think she understood that he was out of the building across the parking lot. And I did want her to understand that.

And thanks for the perspective on how a child could get out. I only have one and tend more toward over protective so it is hard for me to understand that.

I called the restaurant because I thought it should be reported to the manager in case there was anything they or their workers could do to help out. It was a chick fil a and the workers seem to be extra concerned there and I thought they should know.

[maize]

A child may bolt for a door when they look around a room and can't immediately spot their parent; so if the kid had wandered out of the play area, then looked and didn't see mom in the main room, instinct might be to get out of that room to search elsewhere.

 

I actually saw this play out just last week--heard a kid crying in distress, obviously missing a parent, and watched as he started to run for the outside door (at a store). I blocked his path and turned him around, telling him it was OK and we would find his mom. Before I could even find an employee to ask for help the kid spotted his parents and ran to them. His first instinct though had been to go straight out the door.

 

One of mine wandered off once in IKEA when he was maybe 18 months. I was panicking looking for him in that maze, fortunately a couple overheard me describing him to a store employee and mentioned having just seen a kid like that. I ran in the direction they pointed and found him.

[EmseB]

I doubt in this situation I would have gone into any buildings with a child that wasn't my own. Unless we were already right by the front door and it was clear that he came from that building. If I didn't know, I wouldn't assume. I would have called the cops because I wouldn't want to move the child from where I found him, I would want them conducting the search, not me. First of all, I probably have my van full of my own kid that I can't physically go looking around everywhere with an extra kid without my own 2yo getting away from me!! Secondly, because they've probably done that sort of thing before. Third, I would keep the child safe until help arrived, but honestly, what are police for if not to help with lost kids? They are part of the village.

[catz]

As I stated above, I've heard of children in stolen cars being dropped off in parking lots.

 

 

I am in a major urban area and this has happened local before an Amber Alert was issued so I guess it doesn't seem like that much of a stretch to me either.  I just always thought and even told my kids, if you're lost, stop and wait.  Don't wander.   If it were crystal clear where kid came from, I might head in.  For example, in the parking lot of a big box store?  Or a neighbor's child I would of course walk home without calling anyone. 

 

I really don't think a call to authorities that led to quick reuniting with a parent would likely launch a CPS investigation unless there were repeat incidents.   Heck, I know people who've called CPS repeatedly over serious situations with family without having CPS do anything.