Question for those who do not shave or who delay shaving in daughters

[inmyopinion]

Wow, that just looks weird typing- but serious question.  My daughter is at the point where we need to discuss shaving in more depth.   When I started, it was automatically assumed woman did and most all woman around us do but I want to give my daughter the opportunity to make her own choice.  I am probably overthinking it, but she has not asked to yet but it is becoming noticeable.  So I guess I am asking for general advice/information on the topic.  

 

[Guest]

I think it's good to talk about when she notices her friends doing it - she will bring it up if you don't. And if she never brings it up, just assume she has made up her mind :). Smart kids figure these things out and girls talk, so assume any remaining body hair at 13 or so is a choice she is making, which she may change down the road.

 

I don't think demonstration is necessary if she does decide to shave, aside from reminding her to lather well and not push hard with the razor, as pressure can cause more skin irritation.

[lllll]

nm

[SparklyUnicorn]

Tricky.  If she hasn't asked, I'm assuming she isn't caring.  If you bring it up, you are suggesting she should.  I think I'd wait until she asked?  Although that doesn't sound right either.  LOL

 

 

[inmyopinion]

So what points should  I bring up in regards to reasons not to shave?  

[SparklyUnicorn]

I shaved regularly when younger because it seemed important to my mother.  Now maybe 2 x a year.  LOL

 

I just don't care.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

So what points should  I bring up in regards to reasons not to shave?  

 

It's your body and you don't have to cut the hair off it if you don't want to.  Women don't shave everywhere in the world.  Different strokes for different folks.  It doesn't make you ugly or not beautiful if you don't. 

[AK_Mom4]

Our conversation went like this:

 

Me: Hey kid, I notice you are getting hair under your arms.  Some ladies shave or use creams to remove it, some don't.  That's up to you 'cause those are your arms.  If you decide you want razors or cream, let me know and we can grab some at the store.  

 

Me: Deodorant, however, is NOT optional !!!!!!

 

Daughter: OK.  I will let you know if I need stuff.

 

That's all the more complicated that it gets.  No fuss.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I noticed hair under my son's underarms.  I can't imagine pointing it out and giving him a speech about removing it or not removing it.

I'm liking the "not mentioning it" option more and more.

 

I agree..deodorant is not optional! 

[LucyStoner]

I don't shave and basically never have. Now, that said, I have so little body hair that it's not really noticeable that I don't shave. I have no appreciable amount of underarm hair and I only have leg hair on the front inside area of my shins, and it is very light and sparse.

 

My niece has dark, thicker hair on her legs and is rocking a near unibrow. I haven't said a word to her about if she wants to shave or not or separate the eyebrows. If she does, I'll help her. I figure that mentioning it is a cue that she should do soemthing and I think it's up to her. I don't want to pressure her either way.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, it makes ME ugly and not beautiful if I don't. I'm part Sasquatch.

 

LOL

 

Well it makes you uncomfortable.  So that's why you do it.  The daughter didn't express discomfort over it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't shave and basically never have. Now, that said, I have so little body hair that it's not really noticeable that I don't shave. I have no appreciable amount of underarm hair and I only have leg hair on the front inside area of my shins, and it is very light and sparse.

 

My niece has dark, thicker hair on her legs and is rocking a near unibrow. I haven't said a word to her about if she wants to shave or not or separate the eyebrows. If she does, I'll help her. I figure that mentioning it is a cue that she should do soemthing and I think it's up to her. I don't want to pressure her either way.

 

Yeah I admit I don't shave hardly ever because I don't happen to have much hair.  This is especially true on my legs.

[lllll]

nm

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

I'm waiting until my DDs ask. They are 11, 9, and almost 8. They know I shave and I think that's good enough. With the way our culture is today, I'm very careful to avoid saying anything that may make them think they need to alter their appearance in some way to be beautiful, even if it's just shaving. I have no problem with it if they want to though. I was shaving when I was 9. I too, like a pp, am part Sasquatch. :-P I was begging my mom to let me shave when I was 8 because I hated the long, dark hair that would stick out through my white tights. I only shave my legs and underarms. I've heard some women shave their arms too? I considered it when a piano student asked why I had hairy arms like a boy, but I don't have time to shave anything else every day - legs take long enough. :-P I get it from my dad. People used to call him Chewbacca when he was younger.

[Tess in the Burbs]

My dd came to me asking if she could start this past winter.  She was 11 1/2.  She didn't like her hairy legs.  I hadn't noticed anyone else in her social circle shaving, so I was surprised it bothered her so much. We talked about the pros/cons and I told her to think about it.  She begged to start shaving anyway.  She started with foam and razors, but switched over to the schick Intuition (razor surrounded by cream product) to have less cuts.  She isn't paranoid and doesn't shave daily.  I have to remind her when we have swimming events coming up.  But it helped her not feel horrible about her hairy legs.  One less preteen worry was worth letting her start.  And honestly, it was her decision to make.  

[Guest]

I'm pure Irish and Scotch (like seriously, if there was anyone in my family tree from another region it was because of the Norman Invasion :lol:) and I'm quite hairy, too. I shave what is required for basic social normalcy and draw the line. I tried shaving my arms ONCE and decided the hair was blonde enough that I'd never bother again. Shaving takes enough time as is!

 

*Sasquatch High Five*

[LMD]

Dh and I are sort of at odds on this. He thinks that we should make her aware and if it bothers her, take care of it. I don't exactly disagree but feel sad that she would need to feel bothered at a young age at all and would prefer to wait iykwim.

She knows about shaving, she has not asked or expressed worry about her hair. I'm leaving it until she does.

I also worry about her responsibility with it, she barely remembers to brush her hair (I can relate lol)

[LMD]

Eta she's 10, I was about that age when I started, in secret, after my mum said no. I was very self conscious.

[Guest]

Dh and I are sort of at odds on this. He thinks that we should make her aware and if it bothers her, take care of it. I don't exactly disagree but feel sad that she would need to feel bothered at a young age at all and would prefer to wait iykwim.

She knows about shaving, she has not asked or expressed worry about her hair. I'm leaving it until she does.

I also worry about her responsibility with it, she barely remembers to brush her hair (I can relate lol)

That's why I refuse to bring it up unless my girls do. I won't make them self conscious if they aren't already. There is enough to worry about, and if it doesn't bother them it doesn't bother me.

[HRAAB]

Well, it makes ME ugly and not beautiful if I don't. I'm part Sasquatch.

 

I'll let my oldest know she's not alone.  She shaves.

 

My second oldest does not shave.  My younger three have all chosen to shave.  It's totally up to them.  I don't remember ever bringing it up.  It's one of those topics that they just naturally know about especially when dad was yelling at mom for using his razor when she couldn't find hers.  Plus there are ads on TV and their friends would talk about shaving.  It's  been totally their choice.

[HRAAB]

Well, it makes ME ugly and not beautiful if I don't. I'm part Sasquatch.

 

dp

[ashfern]

My oldest daughter only shaves her arm pits. I don't bother her about her legs. She has no desire to shave her legs. My mom & sister keep insisting that she needs to shave her legs (sister waxes everything including arms) but I told them that she isn't interested and she told them the same. It's her body. I only shave my legs from the knees down once a week in the summer and not at all in the winter. I wax my pits, eyebrows, & mustache.

 

My 10 yo is the opposite. She can't wait to shave. She has no need right now as the hair on her legs is still barely there. She periodically asks me to check her pits for hair and so far there isn't any.  :lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

Neither girl shaves legs for now.  Like others have said, I won't push it.  Their hair is pretty fine and fair.  ODD shaves under her arms - we were very on top of this because she's at the gym in a leo for most of her waking hours.  I didn't want to not notice it and have an awkward incident.  I will let them shave anytime they ask right now, but ODD knows once she starts, she can't stop (gymnastics again).  I can't blame her for putting it off.

 

I shave.  I don't put a lot of thought into it, I just do.

[rose]

I've got a long shave saga here.

 

When I was a preteen kids at school started teasing me. I was too embarrassed to ask my mom (she never shaved) so I went and bought some bics (I felt like I was buying contraban tampons) and went home and DRY SHAVED!!! I then had to fess up to my mom and ask what I had done wrong and how to fix it. Because of this situation I would suggest at least mentioning it to any girls so they don't make the same mistake.

 

Now for a cute story. When I was in Bible college one evening I was chatting in a mixed group about shaving. A couple of the guys in the group were HORRIFIED that I didn't shave all winter while we were all wearing pants. My feminist nerve went into overdrive and so the next morning I put on a skirt and went down to breakfast hair and all! There was so much scandal about it that there and then I decided never to shave again. 

 

Fast forward a year later and I was just starting to get to know my soon-to-be husband. He noticed the hairy legs and was really impressed! He liked that I chose to do things my own way. I guess God has someone out there even for the crazy rebels like me.

 

 

[AnnE-girl]

I started shaving my underarms when I suddenly became aware of the hair there around 10, and my legs at 10 1/2 because it is dark and thick. Dd knows that I shave regularly, but I've mentioned that not all women do. At 6, she's noticed the slightly thick, blond hair she has on her legs, but I've said that shaving is for when she is older, if she wants. She does have a somewhat noticeable unibrow, but I'm not going to point it out to her. If it bothers her, I will help her deal with it, but I hope to put that off for as long as possible since maintenance can be a pain.

 

I shaved my arms for the first time last winter when I wore a strapless dress for a black tie event. I just didn't like how my dark hair looked on my pale and pasty winter skin. I haven't shaved it since then since the sun does a pretty good job of bleaching it in the summer and I just don't have time for that.

[Mommy22alyns]

I've got a long shave saga here.

 

When I was a preteen kids at school started teasing me. I was too embarrassed to ask my mom (she never shaved) so I went and bought some bics (I felt like I was buying contraban tampons) and went home and DRY SHAVED!!! I then had to fess up to my mom and ask what I had done wrong and how to fix it. Because of this situation I would suggest at least mentioning it to any girls so they don't make the same mistake.

 

Now for a cute story. When I was in Bible college one evening I was chatting in a mixed group about shaving. A couple of the guys in the group were HORRIFIED that I didn't shave all winter while we were all wearing pants. My feminist nerve went into overdrive and so the next morning I put on a skirt and went down to breakfast hair and all! There was so much scandal about it that there and then I decided never to shave again. 

 

Fast forward a year later and I was just starting to get to know my soon-to-be husband. He noticed the hairy legs and was really impressed! He liked that I chose to do things my own way. I guess God has someone out there even for the crazy rebels like me.

 

 

Me too!!!  Don't even get me started on my mom, she sucks.  I begged to shave and was told fine, but nobody bothered to give me any instructions.  So I dry shaved and ended up with red, itchy legs, which meant that I got teased.  By my mom.  Thanks.

[Pink and Green Mom]

Another one here whose mother set up an arbitrary age to shave my legs.  Please do not do that.  It is silly.  I was so embarrassed of my hairy legs in middle school.  And I am another one who was not taught how to do it and dry shaved.  Ugh.  And my mother never told me how often I should change blades/razors and I think I had the same razor for over a year at one point.

[Julie Smith]

I shave my pits when I know I'll be showing them off. I shave my legs when I remember, which is every few months.

 

I shave my arms from elbow to wrist. I watch movies on my iPad while in bed. Often my arm is near the bottom of the screen and since everything in the room is dark except my iPad my arm hairs light up. I find it very distracting, so I shave.

[mamakelly]

It's really an easy conversation, but one that I think is important. I didn't have much information about shaving or any instruction. The first time I shaved, I shaved about 8 inches of skin off my leg. I made sure dd and I talked about shaving, and when she wanted to, I showed her how to do it!!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Your daughter is 8?  

 

It is SUPPOSED to be noticeable at 8.  

 

Seriously, I wouldn't dream of bringing it up with a child under 12, at very least.

 

Otherwise, when they ask, they get to.  No biggie.  

 

 

[inmyopinion]

Your daughter is 8?  

 

It is SUPPOSED to be noticeable at 8.  

 

Seriously, I wouldn't dream of bringing it up with a child under 12, at very least.

 

Otherwise, when they ask, they get to.  No biggie.  

Wow, I had not realized I have never updated my profile, she is now 12 :)  

[inmyopinion]

Thank you for the responses, she knows about shaving, and was so into new things a little bit a go I am kinda surprised she has not brought it up.  I am all for letting her do it when she feels ready but also wanted to give her the option to not.  I admire woman who do not shave and think sometimes for girls it is handed to them like a fore-gone conclusion that they have to.   

[Tsuga]

I would neither delay nor advance.

 

We are fair people who have dark hair. You can see ALL THE HAIR.

 

I shaved at 9. I don't regret it. Life was hard enough with hair on my upper lip. Hairy pits in So Cal for this brown girl, the only brown kid in her all-Jewish, all-Asian accelerated classes, would have been horrible.

 

That said, I completely support girls who choose hairy pits. I wonder how my choices would have been different had I been raised in a different environment!

[kroe1]

Well, if I notice it before the kiddos notice it, then it is time for me to reinforce good grooming habits. If they don't want to shave, fine, after they move out of my house. To me, it is no different than using soap. It must be done.

 

p.s. I also allow electrolysis and/or laser if one of the kiddos would prefer that route.

[Laura Corin]

Well, if I notice it before the kiddos notice it, then it is time for me to reinforce good grooming habits. If they don't want to shave, fine, after they move out of my house. To me, it is no different than using soap. It must be done.

 

p.s. I also allow electrolysis and/or laser if one of the kiddos would prefer that route.

 

So a university student living at home would have to shave?  That's a lot of control.

[Laura Corin]

I wonder if she lets her sons wear beards ?! Idk, maybe body hair is only 'dirty' on girls and women..

 

Or underarm hair?  Is male underarm hair dirty too?

[abba12]

Interesting... My mum made me shave. I hated it. I used to have very fair hair that would have been no big deal but regular shaving made it dark. She would tease me whenever it got noticeable.

 

As an adult I almost never shave, but because of the years of shaving the hair is very thick and visible. I feel self conscious wearing anything above the ankles or sleeveless because of the hair, and occasionally I use my husbands electric trimmer on it when it bothers me too badly. 

 

But I really thought I was about the only person who wasn't shaving! I don't know anyone else who doesn't. Apparently I'm not entirely alone though. I still feel too self conscious to wear knee length skirts though, as much as I might like to sometimes.

[Laura Corin]

Interesting... My mum made me shave. I hated it. I used to have very fair hair that would have been no big deal but regular shaving made it dark. She would tease me whenever it got noticeable.

 

As an adult I almost never shave, but because of the years of shaving the hair is very thick and visible. 

 

Just so you know, it will have been normal development and hormonal changes that changed the nature of the hair, not the shaving:

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-if-you-shave-or-wax-your-hair-will-come-back-thicker/

[abba12]

Just so you know, it will have been normal development and hormonal changes that changed the nature of the hair, not the shaving:

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-if-you-shave-or-wax-your-hair-will-come-back-thicker/

 

I actually feel rather silly for believing that myth now it's pointed out to me. But when everyone around you perpetuates it, I guess you don't think much about the details

 

Well I feel a little better at least.

[Laura Corin]

I actually feel rather silly for believing that myth now it's pointed out to me. But when everyone around you perpetuates it, I guess you don't think much about the details

 

Well I feel a little better at least.

 

Don't feel silly - it's one of those things that feel as if they should be true.

[lynn]

I know my dd will tell me when she's ready to shave. .   We have discussed options, but right now she's good

[kewb]

My dd brought the topic up to me when she was 9. One of the neighbor boys told her she was hairy. I told her that it was her choice but with summer coming the hair on her legs becomes lighter and less noticeable and once you start you keep going because stubble is ugly. She opted to wait that year.

Now, at 15, she shaves when she feels like it. Always before a swim meet because hair slows you down. I have always told her it is her choice while informing her that there are people who will make rude comments if she chooses not to shave. Fortunately, she is confident in herself and doesn't care about someone else's opinion on the status of her body hair.

[Alice]

As a pediatrician, this is the kind of question that a lot of preteens will ask that they have been too embarrassed to ask at home. When can I use deodorant? Tampons? Shave? Is it normal that_________? Is my acne ok? 

 

I find that a lot of parents don't bring up things because they have good intentions of not making the kid feel like they are pointing out flaws or wanting to make them self-conscious. But usually the kids are noticing these changes and other kids are talking about them. 

 

I don't have a daughter who is ready to shave yet (she's only 5 :)). But with my son who is going through puberty I bring up these topics but try to do it in a very factual way. "Hey, I see you have some pimples on your nose, that's normal at your age. I bought some facial wash that you can use if they bother you." For things like showering more or using deodorant I'm more forceful but still try to use a factual tone. 

 

I think with a girl it could be similar. "Hey, you might have noticed that some of the girls in your class are shaving their legs. Sometimes women do that as they get older and have more hair on their legs. If you want to, let me know and I'll show you how. It's easy but it's good to have someone show you the first time." 

 

I

[Soror]

 

I find that a lot of parents don't bring up things because they have good intentions of not making the kid feel like they are pointing out flaws or wanting to make them self-conscious. But usually the kids are noticing these changes and other kids are talking about them. 

 

I don't have a daughter who is ready to shave yet (she's only 5 :)). But with my son who is going through puberty I bring up these topics but try to do it in a very factual way. "Hey, I see you have some pimples on your nose, that's normal at your age. I bought some facial wash that you can use if they bother you." For things like showering more or using deodorant I'm more forceful but still try to use a factual tone. 

 

I think with a girl it could be similar. "Hey, you might have noticed that some of the girls in your class are shaving their legs. Sometimes women do that as they get older and have more hair on their legs. If you want to, let me know and I'll show you how. It's easy but it's good to have someone show you the first time." 

 

I

I totally agree, often kids are too embarrassed to talk about their changing bodies and even if they want to do something about it they wouldn't bring it up. I'm for the idea of just letting the kid know the options in a factual nonjudgmental way, I hated that my mom never really talked about stuff, it only made me feel more embarrassed. I would rather they come to me than someone else. 

 

I have 3 girls all are too young for such things, although my 8yo has started mentioning about deodorant. It will be interesting to see how it plays out, I'd be shocked if my oldest doesn't shave because she is very particular about how she looks, it is too young to tell with the rest but I want whatever they choose to be their choice.

[SporkUK]

I don't shave - in fact with 3 adults in this house, none of us shave really so if any of my kids wanted to they'd need to ask us to buy them...maybe I should make a little kit? I only shaved when I was a teen because my mother would call me a cactus otherwise...I find it itches too much for me to keep letting it regrow. 

 

I bought my very interested in her body 8 year old a body books that covers shaving in a very 'some do this, some do that, here is how to do it if you want to' sort of way. She asked a bit ago if she'd need to shave when she's older because of what she read and I said only if she wanted to like if her hair bothered her. Then we discussed the hair on my legs and underarms and arms, what the hair was like there, how we're a mixed family so the hair levels in it vary a lot (and how even on my legs it varies a lot as they're patchy with some long "Sasquatch" patches and others very fine thin black hairs) and everyone views their hair differently. When she's a bit older we may discuss media literacy, how these things are portrayed and the history of it socially because I am a dork who loves that sort of thing  :lol:

[zoobie]

Well, if I notice it before the kiddos notice it, then it is time for me to reinforce good grooming habits. If they don't want to shave, fine, after they move out of my house. To me, it is no different than using soap. It must be done.

 

p.s. I also allow electrolysis and/or laser if one of the kiddos would prefer that route.

What are we talking? Pits? Legs? Arms? Face? Pubes? In college I worked in a local restaurant with a girl whose second job involved measuring the pubic hair of the dancers at a strip club. (Made me like my second job much more!) State law mandated the height and width of the patch, and the club had requirements for pits and legs and everywhere else. I had no idea this would ever be a rule outside strip clubs. Interesting.

 

I have and will bring it up with DC in terms of this is what is available to you if you choose to use it in case they are too embarrassed to ask. I know I was and sneaked razors, which was silly because my parents didn't care and would've bought me my own.

[kirstenhill]

My niece has dark, thicker hair on her legs and is rocking a near unibrow. I haven't said a word to her about if she wants to shave or not or separate the eyebrows. If she does, I'll help her. I figure that mentioning it is a cue that she should do soemthing and I think it's up to her. I don't want to pressure her either way.

Here's my story about eyebrows. I have naturally very shaggy eyebrows. Not a unibrow, but not really what I personally find to be an attractive eyebrow shape. My mom has tiny, thin eyebrows. So tiny and thin that she actually added eyebrow pencil to make them bigger! So, I never heard about other eyebrow shaping options at home. And I wasn't the type to read beauty magazines either. Maybe I was the world's most clueless teenager, but I would actually go around looking at people's eyebrows and admiring their beautiful shape and I was sad I wasn't born with such beautifully shaped eyebrows. I didn't even think to ask anyone, because it never occurred to me I could do anything about it. It wasn't until my second year of college I finally asked a trusted friend why almost everyone had such beautiful eyebrows. It was starting to dawn on me that maybe everyone was not born with eyebrows like that. Luckily she didn't laugh at me and told me about waxing and plucking. True story. I felt like such an idiot for not realizing I could have done something about it.

 

I guess all that to say that I made sure my daughter sees me plucking or getting a wax every now and then, so she realizes that if she ever wants to change her eyebrows when she is older (she inherited my eyebrow genes!) she knows there are options!

[Rachel]

I had no idea so many people shaved their arms! I thought only elite athletes did that.

[plansrme]

I want to agree with a couple of other posters that not every girl is going to be comfortable bringing this up.  I wasn't.  When one or two of my daughters' friends started shaving, which was around 10 or so, I bought razors for them and told them they could use them if they wanted to.  They both did.  I have taken both of them to have their brows waxed as well.  My 15 yo has a lot of hair in front of her ears--like sideburns, so I am taking her for a series of laser treatments to get rid of it permanently.  We are due soon for #3 of probably 5 or 6 to make it permanent, but even just one treatment made a big difference.  I knew she was self-conscious about the hair on the sides of her face because she shaved it and once shaved too much; oops.  I didn't say anything, just made an appointment and told her about it very matter-of-factly.  Hair removal isn't something that creates a lot of angst at our house.  Everything else, maybe; but not excess hair!

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, if I notice it before the kiddos notice it, then it is time for me to reinforce good grooming habits. If they don't want to shave, fine, after they move out of my house. To me, it is no different than using soap. It must be done.

 

p.s. I also allow electrolysis and/or laser if one of the kiddos would prefer that route.

 

You sound very much like my mother.  I once asked her why this stuff was so important to her.  She said she felt she had nothing but her looks so she wanted to take care of them (insinuating that's the most important thing in a person).  To her even makeup and feminine clothing fell into that category. 

 

I did not follow in her footsteps.  I am and have a heck of a lot more than my looks.