SKL Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Texting vent. I ask "are the girls at swim?" and I get the answer "all set." Does this mean yes? If it means "yes," why not just say "yes"? I get this all the time from my kids' nanny. I don't understand! She never just says "yes" or "no" or the simple answer I need. If I try talking on the phone it is worse and takes longer. Argh. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Did you text back "is that a yes?" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor_dad Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Perhaps yes seems too curt... She may think "All set" is more comforting.... not just yes but an implied yes and we are doing fine.... I like blunt and to the point but it makes some people uncomfortable... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 To me, in that case, "all set" means more than yes. "Yes" means yes, they are physically at swim - it answers the specific question you asked. "All set" means yes, they are at swim, yes, they remembered their goggles, yes, the class is proceeding as scheduled, yes, they are both participating and doing well, etc. In other words, they are not only at swim, but they are "all set" at swim. Wendy 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 "All set" is confusing to me as my cousins use that to mean "all set to go" which means they have not left their houses. I'll just ask where they are if I need to know. For gatherings I had answered "not sure" because I really wasn't 100% sure we could make it. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 To me, in that case, "all set" means more than yes. "Yes" means yes, they are physically at swim - it answers the specific question you asked. "All set" means yes, they are at swim, yes, they remembered their goggles, yes, the class is proceeding as scheduled, yes, they are both participating and doing well, etc. In other words, they are not only at swim, but they are "all set" at swim. Wendy To me, "all set" conveys that they are not yet there, but are ready to leave for the pool. In other words, they are "all set [to go]". 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Maybe you need to be blunt with her and tell her you like "yes/no" responses. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Perhaps yes seems too curt... She may think "All set" is more comforting.... not just yes but an implied yes and we are doing fine.... I like blunt and to the point but it makes some people uncomfortable... I like blunt and to the point also. Vague answers make me uncomfortable. They also often leave me confused about exactly what was communicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I find that answer vague too. I'd be asking "is that a yes or no?" 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Before I read this I thought wellllll sometimes it's hard to answer yes or no exactly. Um but yeah in this case, wouldn't "yes" be easier to text anyway? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 She is sensitive about language issues and old enough to be my mother, so I don't like to sound picky, but.... Maybe next time I ask a yes/no question I will end with "yes or no?" Does that sound mean? Is this a common issue? I often find myself saying to my kids, "answer the question that was asked." Kid will say "can I do X before we leave?" I say "how much time will X take?" Kid will get into an explanation of the steps involved in doing X or why she wants to do X or .... "Answer the question asked. How much time will X take?" "About a minute." "OK, go do X." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 why can't people just answer "yes" or "no"?! Why are you asking? Is it a specific situation? Are you concerned about society in general? Or are you speaking to a communication issue? :D 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 To me, "all set" conveys that they are not yet there, but are ready to leave for the pool. In other words, they are "all set [to go]". Right. Could mean "yes, I dropped them off already." or "We're on our way and all set to drop off." or "We're still at my house but all set to go to swim." or maybe it means "thanks for reminding me, I forgot but let me get right on that." :P Or maybe it means "nah, thought we'd play soccer instead." Or "I didn't understand you and I have no idea what we're talking about. Don't worry, be happy." Who knows? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Or are you speaking to a communication issue? :D All set. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I thought the OP was going to be about those damn Evites. Fourteen "Maybes" and one "no." Well, are we having a party or not? ;) 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I thought the OP was going to be about those damn Evites. Fourteen "Maybes" and one "no." Well, are we having a party or not? ;) I had someone ask about possible dates for a rescheduled campout. I was asked to answer "yes" or "no." So for the ones that were "maybe," I answered "no" followed by "I may be traveling but not sure." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 She is sensitive about language issues and old enough to be my mother, so I don't like to sound picky, but.... Can you just talk to her about how "all set" and other phrases can be interpreted in different ways by different people (give examples). So that because of that, you'd prefer she'd text you "yes" or "no". Because since it's text, you can't interpret her tone of voice or body language when she's saying things like "all set". Maybe even blame yourself for being dense wrt understanding communication - it's not her fault, you're often frazzled and have trouble understanding things or w/e (not saying you're frazzled... but if that helps her understand the need for "yes/no" answers, whatever works, right?). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Texting vent. I ask "are the girls at swim?" and I get the answer "all set." Does this mean yes? If it means "yes," why not just say "yes"? I get this all the time from my kids' nanny. I don't understand! She never just says "yes" or "no" or the simple answer I need. If I try talking on the phone it is worse and takes longer. Argh. I have been told that a one word reply is considered rude. She may be trying to give you a polite answer. I have seen entire articles on the problems with the one word text. Apparently the only thing worse is the one letter reply as in "K" for ok. I text my dh one word answers, but I know for a fact he doesn't know that such thing is considered rude. (Ahem, I have even been known to text him the dreaded 'k' when I know it was rude, banking on the fact that he does not, lol. Passive aggressive I know, but I felt better. ) Just text back, 'does that mean yes?" and see how that goes? My guess is that she feels like a one word reply seems blunt and she is trying to be more 'open' in appearance. I might answer 'yes, they are' in such a situation. It is clear but a little less blunt. And I totally see why you might find that frustrating 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 why can't people just answer "yes" or "no"?! Why are you asking? Is it a specific situation? Are you concerned about society in general? Or are you speaking to a communication issue? :D Yes. Or no. Maybe. I just don't know. PS. In my mind, "all set" means what others have already said -- ready to leave the house. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Yes. Or no. Maybe. I just don't know. To this, I append: "Huh?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 When my kids were little I got in the habit of asking a question and following it with "Yes or No?" because I got such convoluted answers. I accidentally did it to adults a few times. You could try that :) "All set" to me would mean already there and all good. Wouldn't occur to me they were "all set" to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 "All set" to me would mean already there and all good. Wouldn't occur to me they were "all set" to leave. Musical cue for a "regional custom" spinoff. For decades, I have heard the enquiry, "Are we all set? Let's go!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I get this often also. I prefer a direct answer for a direct question. It takes longer to hear explanations or vague pseudo answers instead of just saying yes or no. Worse is answers of ok to choice questions. Would you like pb&j or m&c - ok. Argh! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 "All set" is confusing to me as my cousins use that to mean "all set to go" which means they have not left their houses. I'll just ask where they are if I need to know. For gatherings I had answered "not sure" because I really wasn't 100% sure we could make it. All set to me means ready to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 When my kids were little I got in the habit of asking a question and following it with "Yes or No?" because I got such convoluted answers. I accidentally did it to adults a few times. You could try that :) "All set" to me would mean already there and all good. Wouldn't occur to me they were "all set" to leave. I'm going to start asking this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah, I feel this way far too often. I ask a simple yes or no question, and get "gerblsmerk" (or something equally non-yes/no) in reply. I don't understand it. I mean, "all set" is sort of positive, so it doesn't mean "NO", but it sure doesn't answer "yes" either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Musical cue for a "regional custom" spinoff. For decades, I have heard the enquiry, "Are we all set? Let's go!" I use all set that way as well, but to me it means generally that everything is ready and as it should be for the activity we are about to start. If the activity we are about to start is getting in the car, then all set means we are packed and pottied and ready to go. If the activity we are about to start is a math lesson, then all set means the book is on the table and our pencils are sharp. If I texted DH to ask if the boys were doing their math and he responded all set, I would not think he meant they were getting in the car, but rather that they were sitting down to do math, had found all the necessary supplies and no one was throwing a tantrum. Wendy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 To me, "all set" would mean that they are not there yet or they are running late or that they are on the pool deck waiting for things to proceed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 it requires courage of conviction and the vulnerability of stating ones position. have you talked to the nanny about her inability to give a yes or no? think the driod in return of the Jedi. c3po is giving some long winded answer . . . "yes or no will do". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I get this often also. I prefer a direct answer for a direct question. It takes longer to hear explanations or vague pseudo answers instead of just saying yes or no. Worse is answers of ok to choice questions. Would you like pb&j or m&c - ok. Argh! :) I don't know how many times I've had to tell dudeling I'm not interested in what he "doesn't want". I *asked him* what he DID want! then he gets mad because I interrupt him to again ask "what. do. you. want?" just answer the question that was asked. sheesh. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 it requires courage of conviction and the vulnerability of stating ones position. have you talked to the nanny about her inability to give a yes or no? think the driod in return of the Jedi. c3po is giving some long winded answer . . . "yes or no will do". C3PO was an Aspie. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 If someone answered "all set" to that question I would assume they were ready but haven't left yet. I'd answer "I'm sorry, but does that mean yes or no?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I thought you were venting about people not answering a simple yes or no to polls on this board. All set to me means ready to go. I would follow up with a question like, "That's good, what time do you expect to be there?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Worse is answers of ok to choice questions. Would you like pb&j or m&c - ok. Argh! :) That sounds like a license to give the kid whichever of those two that I happen to find easier to give to him. So, he'd end up with a pb&j if he gave an ok to that question. If that's not what he wanted, soon enough he'll learn that he should answer the actual question. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Perhaps yes seems too curt... She may think "All set" is more comforting.... not just yes but an implied yes and we are doing fine.... I like blunt and to the point but it makes some people uncomfortable... Then how about "yes, they are all set." I have been telling my kids lately what communication is and isn't. Specifically, one hasn't communicated unless the other person has heard and understood one's meaning. Honestly, language is the reason Nanny went from full-time to very part-time when my kids were 2. Unfortunately I don't know if she can improve much at this point. Maybe we'd communicate better in Spanish, but maybe she's vague in Spanish too. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 She is sensitive about language issues and old enough to be my mother, so I don't like to sound picky, but.... Maybe next time I ask a yes/no question I will end with "yes or no?" Does that sound mean? Is this a common issue? I often find myself saying to my kids, "answer the question that was asked." Kid will say "can I do X before we leave?" I say "how much time will X take?" Kid will get into an explanation of the steps involved in doing X or why she wants to do X or .... "Answer the question asked. How much time will X take?" "About a minute." "OK, go do X." This post made me think that maybe you need to ask the nanny questions that need specific answers. Instead of *are you at the pool?* ask *where are you?* Do you think that would help? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I think it means, "Don't micromanage me." 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 To me, "all set" would mean "at the pool; dc are climbing all over me and I can't wait for them to get in the water so I can read my book". To my sister, "all set" would mean "Shoot! I knew I was supposed to take the dc somewhere. Thanks for reminding me. We'll leave as soon as we find our shoes. And goggles. And..." :) btw, I love my sister. She just operates on a different time frame than I do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 All set..to go? So, not there yet? That is what I would think. I would probably text back..All set to go?, or all set and there? or yes they are swimming? I am a mom who needs to know details, lol. "All set" would bother me until I knew what they were all set about. I just realized,...I don't like the words "all set" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I think it means, "Don't micromanage me." I don't "micromanage" her, I just try to communicate when and where she is supposed to pick up and drop off my kids. Obviously she isn't 100% reliable or I wouldn't have to ask her for confirmation. She was supposed to start the pickup/dropoff thing on Monday. I texted her to confirm and she said oops, she'd had to make an unexpected trip out of state, but she'd do it Tuesday. I had to remind her they had other plans on Tuesday. So here comes Wednesday and I need to confirm that we're on the same page. It's not like this is a well-established routine, and she does make mistakes. The frustration of this evening's "all set" is on top of the difficulty of communicating the schedule in the first place. Example (snip): "Will you pick them up at 12:30 at ___ and drop them off at 4:50 at the rec center? Or what is the plan?" Her: "Ok sound good to you will pic they up" Me: "I will get them from the rec center after swim practice. ... For swim practice you can just drop them off at the door and leave. No need to go in or wait with them." Her: "I will drop true inside" Me: "For swim you do not need to get out of your car. They know what to do." .... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 This post made me think that maybe you need to ask the nanny questions that need specific answers. Instead of *are you at the pool?* ask *where are you?* Do you think that would help? If I asked "where are you" she would panic and think she was supposed to be at my house with the kids. She was supposed to be off duty at the time of my text. I just wanted confirmation that she dropped the kids off more or less on time. General question - is it weird for a mom to want confirmation that her 8yo kids have been dropped off as planned? Assuming this is not a well-established daily/weekly arrangement? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I think you need a new nanny. It's hard to fix communication issues midstream and life is too short for unreliable childcare (says the woman who had the sitter cancel, then the back up sitter cancel and then an amazing husband switched his shift from starting at 9 to starting at 3pm all so I could carve out 2 hours for an onsite meeting with an important client. We literally passed a kid or two around on the sidewalk 2x today. I've crossed these sitters off the list. It's hard to find reliable people sometimes.) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 the forum is being weird and not allowing me to quote. (idk; maybe it's going down for maintenance.) anyway - she may feel like she is being micromanaged because she is well aware she's made mistakes that is causing problems for the kids schedule and she's feeling defensive. no sympathy for her here. You might want to consider you may need to find a new nanny. she needs to be straightforward in her answers - and the "all set" isnt'. it can be interpreted too many ways. I think it is not only reasonable to get confirmation the person to whom you have entrusted your child (but has a track record of unreliability) has dropped off that child where they need to be, when they need to be there, but prudent and responsible. after all, we don't want to wonder what happened to that baby . . . . and finding the abandoned perambulator at midnight containing a manuscript of a three-volume novel with more than unusually revolting sentimentality . . . (I love the importance of being earnest - the Michael redgrave version is so good.) . . . just something you don't want to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I think you need a new nanny. It's hard to fix communication issues midstream and life is too short for unreliable childcare (says the woman who had the sitter cancel, then the back up sitter cancel and then an amazing husband switched his shift from starting at 9 to starting at 3pm all so I could carve out 2 hours for an onsite meeting with an important client. We literally passed a kid or two around on the sidewalk 2x today. I've crossed these sitters off the list. It's hard to find reliable people sometimes.) I was thinking the exact same thing. If communication is an issue, you do wind up micromanaging because you have to insure that what you want done is done. That, to me, kind of defeats the purpose of hiring someone else to do the job for you. I don't hire people to then wind up having to babysit them or make sure they follow through on their tasks. I hire them to execute the duties or details I expect them to carry out. Otherwise, it's a waste of my time and money. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yes! Drives me nuts. My brother and his fiance were coming to town separately and I was trying to get details. "When does she get to town?" I asked. "I'm meeting her at the hotel," he replied. I sat there staring at the text thinking, I asked a when question and got a where answer. It's been like that a lot with him. :) Very smart, not the best communicator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I thought the OP was going to be about those damn Evites. Fourteen "Maybes" and one "no." Well, are we having a party or not? ;) When I saw "Evites" I thought it was some group I'd never heard of before. You know, like the Canaanites, the Levites, the Amorites, the Hittites ....... :closedeyes: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 If I asked "where are you" she would panic and think she was supposed to be at my house with the kids. She was supposed to be off duty at the time of my text. I just wanted confirmation that she dropped the kids off more or less on time. General question - is it weird for a mom to want confirmation that her 8yo kids have been dropped off as planned? Assuming this is not a well-established daily/weekly arrangement? No, I don't think it is weird at all to want know the kids where the kids are. Not by a long shot. I can see how my example question wouldn't have worked in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Well, I questioned the kids this morning. It turns out "all set" meant "I just dropped them off 15 minutes later than agreed. They are on their way to the pool." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Well, I questioned the kids this morning. It turns out "all set" meant "I just dropped them off 15 minutes later than agreed. They are on their way to the pool." I know you didn't ask for a different solution but could you hire or barter with another mom who is also taking her kids to the pool? I don't know the exact situation but I thought I'd throw it out there. Not trying to micromanage your thread or anything... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Texting vent. I ask "are the girls at swim?" and I get the answer "all set." Does this mean yes? If it means "yes," why not just say "yes"? I get this all the time from my kids' nanny. I don't understand! She never just says "yes" or "no" or the simple answer I need. If I try talking on the phone it is worse and takes longer. Argh. I get this exactly! One of my family members does this. I feel like my questions are very precise, but her answers are so vague (but obvious to her, I guess). So, this is a typical text conversation: Me: Picnic this weekend, either Saturday or Sunday. Interested? What day works? Them: Sounds great. Count us in. Me: Great! What day works? Saturday (around 12) or Sunday (a little later - around 1:30). Them: Saturday, but I have things going on til 2. Me: Okay. I won't have as long on Saturday though, only til 3. So, Saturday is good but I have to lv. at 3, or again, Sunday wld. work from 1:30 for the entire afternoon. Them: Okay. Me: So, are you saying Saturday from 2:00-3:00, or Sunday? Etc. Etc. Haha, of course this is the point where I just pick up the phone, but so very many of our exchanges are like that! It must just be a very different thinking style, or way of organizing or approaching a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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