Teens and cars -- financial responsibilities

[StephanieZ]

WWYD?

 

We now have 2 teen drivers, 18& 16. We have lots of cars now, all older, but 4 drivers and 4 cars. We've very recently dedicated one of the cars (the nicest one by odd circumstance) as the "kid car".

 

So far, dh and I have taken 100% financial responsibility for gas, insurance, maintenance, everything. We've long told the kids that perfect driven records are required for us to do this, and they'd be responsible for any tickets or increased insurance costs due to bad driving.

 

In the last 90 days, one kid did a Very Bad Thing and caused about $300 damage to the kid car plus additional damage that is cosmetic so we didn't fix. We took away driving privileges for 6 mos, made him pay for the damages, but I later caved and let him drive again after just 60 days. (mom was dying, it was his birthday, and I just wanted to make him happy.)

 

Now both teens made a series of honest but stupid errors leading to getting stuck on a bad road and damaging the car. Again. Hasn't been to the shop yet, but the car is a Volvo so nothing is cheap to fix. My guess is another 500-1500.

 

We can afford these costs but I just feel wrong letting the kids destroy vehicles over and over. Seems very bad training and although I have the money, I can sure think of better ways to spend it.

 

WWYD?

 

Ground rule suggestions?!

[fairfarmhand]

Well, my dd pays for her own driving expenses.

 

When she got the car, it was understood that were any damage to occur while she was driving she would be financially responsible for repairing it.

 

 

[thessa516]

I've only had one teen driver so far, but in our house this is how we did things:

 

- Before he purchased his own car, we paid to have him on our insurance so he could drive our vehicles and they would be covered. For the most part, we paid the gas, but if he did a lot of driving he was expected to chip in.

 

- Once he purchased his own vehicle he was responsible for everything on his own.

 

- We would chip in on some repairs if he was willing to do a little work around the house. For example, he put new brakes on my car (which I purchased), so I bought him a new clutch for his truck.

 

In my opinion on your situation, you have gifted your children vehicles. How nice of you! They should take responsibility for everything else. I wouldn't suspend driving privileges for a teen who pays for everything vehicle related. A couple of speeding tickets and the subsequent hike in insurance has taught my son more than any suspended driving privileges I could have handed down.

 

Natural consequences seem to teach those "honest, but stupid errors" better than I can. My son once went 'mudding' in his truck despite my stern warnings on how hard it is on suspensions and tires and all those expensive things. But, you know, Mom doesn't know anything. He got his truck stuck and had to leave it overnight. When he returned the next day, all his windows had been busted out and the metal seriously gouged down the sides. I think I'm missing part of my tongue from all the tongue-biting I had to do that time... lol! Cost him a ton of money to replace all the windows and metal on the doors. It's been a couple years and we all laugh about it. He takes better care of his belongings now. 

[Pawz4me]

We provide our boys with vehicles and cover 100 percent of the expenses.

 

I honestly don't know what we'd do in your situation.  There would definitely be some repercussions, but the trick IMO is imposing some punishment that doesn't cause you more hassle (like having to start driving them everywhere, all the time).  We'd probably do something like ground them from driving to anything other than approved activities for awhile.  So no running around with friends just for fun.  Do you give them allowances?  If so, I would consider withholding at least part of that for a good long while to help pay for the damage.

[Sarah CB]

I would expect them to pay for the damages.  We only had a short time where dd was driving and living at home.  She was expected to put gas in the vehicle, but we paid for the rest - and it was my car, there wasn't an extra car for her.  Our plan with the boys is that if they go to university in the same city that we live in then we'll get them a car and we'll pay for insurance and regular maintenance, but I think they'll be responsible for gas and they'll definitely be responsible for any damage incurred.

 

Very different scenario, but I had one ds do something stupid and wreck his school uniform sweater so he lost his allowance until the cost was paid back.  Now my youngest (9) has lost his brand new school hoodie ($50!) so will lose his allowance and have to do some chores around the house to work off the cost.  I could have just replaced them myself, but I feel that they need to experience the natural consequences of their carelessness.

[Wildcat]

.

[happi duck]

Just my two cents...

 

If the car *belongs* to them and they can drive when and wherever they please then they should be responsible for gas, upkeep and repairs.

 

If the car is just the one they are allowed to borrow if they ask you each time then I'd say not always responsible for gas and upkeep...except for damage due to recklessness (I changed this from 'foolishness'. Mistakes happen!))

 

With taking away driving privileges... I'd take away solo driving but have them drive me to the grocery store etc to keep building driving skills.

 

Again, just my two cents!

[FloridaLisa]

In high school, we've always by Providence had an extra old car that the kids could drive. Both were given to us by extended family members so they were paid for. We pay insurance, tag and title and some gas -- I pay gas to dual enrollment classes, church activities and some extracurricular. Teen pays the rest. It's not a set amount, it's more like "Here, let me fill it up" or "Here's $20 for some gas."  

 

Every single one of my drivers has either gotten in a small fender bender or knocked the car in some way. They pay for the damage and even if we choose not to fix it, the diminution in value goes into a fund (usually called "My current grocery bill") for the next car. 

 

We've done something different when they're in college and when they buy their own car. 

[gardenmom5]

we have a kid car that has made the rounds.  

 

full-time students with good grades don't have to pay insurance. otherwise, they pay for the privilege of having their license whether they're driving or not.

 

if they did damage to the car - they paid to fix it.  it wasn't about the money, but learning about consequences and responsibilities.  if they didn't have a job - they "paid" for it in-kind. 

 

there is a developmental part teen-driving.  if that means restrictions of no-friends, no radio to distract, etc. that's how it is.  there is a connection between teen accidents, experience and distractions.  in our state, they can't drive with non-family members in the car for six months. (unless min. 5year licensed driver.)

 

eta: I didn't let them do lots of solo driving until *I* was comfortable riding as a passenger with them.  regardless of what the DMV thought.   

[mamakelly]

Our oldest is 19. When he got his license, we allowed him to use one of our 2 cars if one was avaliable. He saved his own money for over a year and bought his own car. We pay for insurance, while he's in college, and he pays for the rest. He had one minor issue, where something on the freeway (rock maybe) scratched up the side of his car, but other than that, his driving has been good. He has gotten a few parking tickets at school, but that's another issue haha. We did this because my husband was gifted a car as a teen and wrecked it. He then proceeded to wreck 2 more cars. He didn't learn because his parents kept bailing him out.

 

I'd say it's time for your teens to buy their own cars (or buy those cars from you). If they can't, bummer. They can beg a ride off mom, friends or take the bus until they can afford their own car. You aren't doing them any favors by giving them cars that they keep damaging.

[fairfarmhand]

Well, my dd pays for her own driving expenses.

 

When she got the car, it was understood that were any damage to occur while she was driving she would be financially responsible for repairing it.

 

To clarify, this didn't include stuff like the flat she got when she was riding on tires that were past needing to be replaced. We knew that was coming.

[AK_Mom4]

DS23 bought a car when he was in high school.  It was a beater and DH helped him fix it up and get it running good.  I am going to  guess we paid for most/all the parts, but I consider it money well spent for DS to learn to work on a car.  We paid tags and insurance, DS23 paid for gas and maintenance, including fixing it periodically (with DH's help).  Sliding into ditches seems to be part of learning Winter Driving here, so the beater car got a bit more beaten up over the years.

 

When DS23 went to college, he gifted the beater car to DD21.  She drove it through high school and paid her own gas.  When she went to college, she handed the car down to DS19, who is still driving it.  The older two kids had jobs in high school, so had money to pay for gas for the car.  DS19 has a job and pays for gas, though we are still picking up tags and insurance because he is in school.  I suspect we are still paying for repair parts, but again - I don't care.  It's worth it to me to have the kids be able to maintain a car - at least enough to know what's wrong!

 

DD21 bought her own car this spring at college as she needed transportation for student teaching.  She pays for her own tags and insurance - since she is 21, she had no issues getting a policy of her own and she has a job.  

 

At our house, the kid that caused the damage would be paying to make the car good again - and putting in the physical labor to fix it.  If the car had to go to a shop, then that kid would be working off the cost of repairs around home.

 

 

[tori@thehomefront]

When our oldest ds got his license, he didn't want to drive much, so he used our minivan and we paid everything, including the increased insurance. After he graduated and got a job, we bought a car for him, with the understanding that he would pay us back within 15 mo. He is now covering all expenses, gas, tags, repairs, and paying us back early. It's been a good experience for him to know this is his responsibility. 😊

[Tap]

I told my teens that we would provide a family car to them for the first year they were driving. After that, they had to contribute to the expenses of the car.  Their portion would be determined based on each persons situation at the time. They have to be a full time student earning good grades, to have access to the car. 

 

When Ds started to drive we bought an extra Volvo to have for a 3rd family car.  He drove it exclusively and it has been a great choice for him.  He loved the car so much, he bought it from us.  Until last month he was still a full time student, worked pretty much only for spending money, but did a lot of  volunteering at the church to build his experience (pastoral college major).  We are still paying all of his expenses until he can get a full time job and get his student debt paid down. 

 

DD16 is ready for a car, but we do not have extra money right now to buy her one, so we are going to let her drive dh's car, a VW Golf.  Dh has a company van that he drives almost all the time anyways, so there will rarely be a problem when they both need the Golf. 

 

For our kids, I said that I didn't want them working in high school, but if they did they had to transport themselves. She wants a job, but I won't drive her so that pretty much limits her options. On top of that, DD16 is a 2 season cheerleader.  Then they start practice for fall in May, they practice over the summer, and it goes until February, so they only have about 2-3 months of the year that she could really even have a job anyways.  Practice and games ties her up 3-4 days a week.

 

I will continue to pay for all the expenses on the Golf as long as she is in school because she really can't work, carry the academic load plus cheer. 

 

 

 

DS has a few thousand in savings and it is his own car now, so if he injured the car, he would have to pay for it.

 

DD16 only has about $100.  It wouldn't do much good to say she has to pay to fix a car.  If she acts stupid and damages the car, she will loose driving privileges, but then that also means she can't really work to pay to fix it. If she is in an accident that wasn't due to her doing something stupid, then we would just cover it for her.  

[lllll]

tmi

[Rebel Yell]

We have two cars. DH drives over and hour to work, so he has one car all day. Not practical to drop him off at work and pick up after.

 

DD20 and I drive the secodn car. I do not charge for gas/insurance- but she mostly drives to school (just graduated!) and work. If she does a lot of driving around with/for friends, she will fill the tank.Having her be abe to drive herself saves ME a ton of hassle, double-trips to drop-off/pick-up, amd waiting during classes.

 

The rule has always been that if she gets a speeding ticket or other moving violation, or is in an accident where she is clearly at fault (not some jerk in a parking lot banged in our door and left with no note) that she will no longer be allowed to drive our cars, AND if I need to drive her to work or fun or anything other than church or somewhere the entire family was going anyway- she will pay for both my TIME (at min. wage) including wait time/both round trips if I drop off, AND gas mileage.

 

That has been a pretty good motivation to drive carefully.  ANd whenever practical, I still have her drive with me if it's an unusual trip- toll roads, new destination, long distance, construction, etc. Just for extra practice in situations that she doesn't regularly encounter.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think they won't appreciate it and be more careful unless they have an investment into it.  I don't do stupid things with my car because the financial consequences would be very painful for me.  That's not the only reason.  I'm also not stupid and self centered.  But yes money is a huge aspect. 

That 2x would be a deal breaker for me. 

[Luanne]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident.  Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident.  My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident.  That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh what I wouldn't have given to have someone throw me a bone like that.  They have no idea how good they have it and it's pretty disheartening really.  I didn't get my license and a car until I was 23 because I didn't have anyone helping me out.  I had to pay for all of it myself.  It was challenging.  And I don't live in an area where one can get away with a clunker and let needed repairs go.

 

And I know as the parent this would be terribly frustrating because it's a hassle for you too.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

If it was an honest mistake, yeah I could let that go I think.  But I'm not clear on whether they should have known better or not.  Sorry I think I misunderstood that part.

[regentrude]

We have the teens drive the oldest car. We pay for insurance and for gas for local driving; the time they save me since I no longer have to drive them to work and activities is well worth it to me.

We are prepared for accidents to happen and anticipate new drivers making mistakes. I just hope any mistakes do not cause a person to get hurt.

If one of them caused damage by gross negligence and very stupid behavior, we might ask for a financial contribution. So far this has not happened.

 

I'm curious: what exactly did the kids do, OP?

 

 

[JFSinIL]

Here, when a teen starts to drive, we pay  to add them to our  AAA membership, and cover gas to and from school.  They need to reimburse us for insurance (cheaper to add them to our policy than to get them their own, even our adult "kids" are on our policy) each month, and cover their own gas for  recreational driving.  We cover oil changes, maintenance until they get out of school and can afford it themselves.

 

We are lucky that for the most part, kids have taken over the cars of deceased grandparents, so no car payments.  Our dd who has left home and works full-time went and got herself a "new" used car....at a 35% interest rate for the loan!!!!! Had we known she was doing that, we'd of talked her out of it.  35%!!!

 

This is the same dd who totaled our old mini-van.  Not totally her fault, she was nervously paying more attention to the dude tailgating her (looking in her rear view mirror) when she looked forward again, going around a turn in the road, she saw two cars stopped in her lane due to a fender bender. It was raining, the road was slick, and she could not stop in time.  Tail Gate Dude then hit our van - and sped off. No one got his license.  He left red paint on our rear bumper, so we know he had damage, too. Due to an overgrowth of plants, it is sort of a blind curve, which is why the first fender-bender had happened (a stalled car got hit by someone coming 'round the bend. )

 

I might add, two kids didn't get their license until they were 18, one was 22 (he didn't need or want to drive before then).  

[gingersmom]

When I was a teen driver I had more than my fair share of fender benders (usually my car had no damage because it was a gigantic late 70s Oldsmobile). After hearing I was ok I would get a stern talking to by my father which had little to no effect on me.

 

Due to my brother also having accidents we were dropped by my parents insurance company. My father let us know his unhappiness in a severely worded letter mailed to us at college.

 

 

If it was my child I would probably make them start paying for all repairs and restrict driving to school/work only until they get more practice driving and can show some responsibility.

[QueenCat]

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

 

Seriously? Just because people parent differently than you do doesn't mean they shouldn't be parents or shouldn't want to be parents! And there IS NOTHING wrong with a consequence, such as helping to pay for the damages, or if the child was truly negligent and acting stupid, with having a break from driving on their own.

[kewb]

We have one teen driving now. He does not have his own car. We currently pay the insurance.

He knows if he does something that causes our insurance to go up, such as an accident that is his fault, he will be responsible for covering the increase in insurance.

He pays $50 per month towards the car payment because we had to buy a new car (dh's car was a death trap and really needed to be replaced) and for some reason he does not want to drive the mini van.

He also puts gas in the car if he has been the primary user that week.

He also has his friends chip in for gas if he has been chauffering them around.

[kewb]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident. Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident. My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident. That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up. And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance. And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles. It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive. You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

I was also privileged enough to have parents who covered all of my driving expenses right down to replacing the car I totaled.

I wish I could do the same for my children. However, my financial reality is very different from my parents. I simply can not afford to be that generous. To be honest, my son had a bit of an attitude about us not buying him a car or willing to take on a car payment because he didn't want to drive the mini van. Well, that kind of attitude has consequences. Those consequences being putting gas in the car and contributing to a car payment. And if you get into an accident because you made a stupid decision you get to pay the increased car insurance.

There is a big difference between an accident where you are rear-ended and an accident because you were doing donuts in an empty parking lot and managed to flip the car on to another car (yes, this happened to friends of mine). The second example results in paying for the insurance increase.

 

As for your belief that parents should take on the expenses of a teen driver or why would you be parents, I will leave you with this quote from my father about driving. "Driving is a privilege; not a right. It can be taken away." I took that to heart as a teen driver and I expect my teens to do the same. Just because I would gladly take on those expenses if I could afford it does not make it a right. And I have found that with my teens at least having a financial stake in something makes them a little more cautious.

[lllll]

tmi

[fairfarmhand]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident.  Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident.  My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident.  That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

 

Sometimes accidents just happen. Where we draw the line is an accident due to carelessness and negligence on my daughter's part. We can't afford to replace cars just because she wants to text and drive.

 

I do believe that there are many people who have learned to drive without accidents. I was one.

 

We could afford paying for her insurance. However, I feel that our kids need a gradual introduction into the world of "here's how you pay your own bills. Here's how you prioritize your time so you can do school, work, and maybe have a little fun."

 

My dd paying her own way has had huge benefits for her. In the past, she's had the idyllic view of life. It's all about fun fun fun. Now she's learning that there is plenty of work and non-fun stuff which makes the fun stuff you do get to do so much more pleasurable. She's learned better time management through having to juggle work responsibilities and school work. She's learned that she has to prioritize her activities. Sometimes she turns down fun stuff because she knows she will not have the time or energy to manage it along with her other commitments.

 

I do realize that many kids learn these things while mom and dad are paying for many of their expenses. However, my dd, no matter how many discussions we had just didn't "get" it. She is the personality type that just has to experience things for herself to understand.

 

In the past, before she drove everywhere herself, she would get very angry at me when I would be too busy or just plain too tired to take her someplace. (legitimately too tired and busy, not just making a lame excuse) As hard as I tried to keep up with the many activities she wanted to do, I just couldn't. However, now that she is the one driving and paying for part of the gas, she will go "Hmmm...I don't feel like driving there, paying the money, and sitting in traffic.I'll pass, It's not worth it."

 

I don't expect perfection. In fact, my daughter's few "close calls" "(due to other drivers...I was there!) have opened her eyes to the reality that driving can be a very dangerous, very expensive endeavor. If she were to have a wreck where she were at fault, unless it was total idiocy, she would not be punished any more than her father and I would be by having to stop driving. In the real world, you have a wreck, you pay for repairs. Bottom line. I think hassle of losing the car for the time that repairs took and having to pay for the repairs would be a greater lesson than  keeping her off of the road.

[sassenach]

Dd paid for: the car, her gas (except for a stipend that we give her for school/family errands), oil changes, the deductible when she rear ended somebody, parking ticket

 

We have paid for: gas stipend, insurance, mechanical repairs/new tires

 

 

Dd works and this has been a fair balance. If she couldn't afford to maintain her car and cover these expences, she would just have to become very familiar with public transportation. She managed to save $1000 to buy her first car, without a car. She could do it again.

[thessa516]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident.  Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident.  My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident.  That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

 

You seriously wonder why some of us became parents in the first place? That's a rude thing to say.

 

Some families might decide that paying for college is more important than bottomless gas tanks and ridiculously high insurance rates for teens. Every family might not have the financial means that you do. Quit wondering whether someone should be a parent based on whether or not the parents pay for their teen's car insurance. Geez, talk about a first-world, affluent-society problem.

 

A teen driver paying the repair costs is NOT a punishment. It's a natural consequence of the privilege of driving a vehicle. Driving is an adult activity with very real life consequences. If I have a teen that is not ready to deal with the consequences of a simple little fender bender, then he's certainly not ready to be out on the road. There are worse consequences than fender benders out there.

 

Furthermore, some parents may feel the teen needs time to mature before he gets back behind the wheel. Nothing wrong with that. You have some young driver out there trying to recreate Fast and Furious, you bet I hope his parents take away his driving privileges until he realizes he could kill someone. He's not going to become a safer driver while he's engaged in risk-taking driving behaviors on public streets. Perhaps a teen driver has a lot of anxiety while driving. Nothing wrong with grounding her from driving on her own until she's built up some confidence.

[Wildcat]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident.  Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident.  My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident.  That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

 

While I agree that new drivers are expected to make mistakes and shouldn't be punished for them, the tone of your post is just horrid. Geez Louise.

 

 

[Kari C in SC]

To the OP, I would say that if they were being careless and caused damage then they need to absolutely pay for it.

 

Here's my story. When our oldest son was driving in his teens, he saved $2000 for his car. We lent him another $2000 and he paid a $100 a month till it was paid off. He paid for all of his gas and insurance and tickets. We did take the car away if he got a ticket. He hit a deer and totaled that car. At the time he owed us for a repair we had paid for. We were flat broke at the time and really needed the repayment and he did it. My reasoning was that in the real world, you still owe the debt even if your car was totaled. We were very hard on him at times and sometimes I worry and obsess that I was too hard. But you know what? The day he was killed in a car accident, he had paid nearly $7000 off on his 2 week old car because he had gotten a portion of his military bonus. He was paying down his debt and being responsible. So, just maybe being hard on him paid off. He certainly was financially responsible at a very young age. And... The girl that was driving in that fatal accident? She was driving recklessly in a car without insurance. She killed them both. Sometimes it pays to be hard on your kids.

 

And then there are kids that it doesn't pay to be as hard on. Our daughter is 16 and approaching driving. Her goal is to get through college and that is super hard for her, but she is working hard. So, we have an old car and she will have to pay for tires and repairs to make it stable. But while she is dual enrolled and then in community college full time, we will most likely have to help with reasonable costs. But careless expenses will be her problem. We are not longer flat broke and we try to balance teaching responsibility with reasonable accommodations.

 

Time will tell what will happen with our youngest. Each kid is different.

[StephanieZ]

I've never heard of a teen being revoked driving privileges for having an accident.  Unless the teen deliberately went out and wrecked the vehicle... it is what it is ... an accident.  My sister would never have driven again if my parents had punished her for having an accident.  That's a new one to me.

 

My parents were very strict with us growing up.  And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

I guess maybe it is beyond your comprehension that having an accident isn't deliberate and IS a part of learning how to drive.  You can't expect them to be perfect from the beginning and you can't expect them to learn how to be a safer driver by not driving.

 

Humm, well, I thought I made it clear in the OP that both accidents were due to bad decisions, not simple accidents due to bad luck or inexperience. I guess you can't comprehend that some accidents are due to bad decisions. Both accidents have occurred in the past 3 months over a total of less than 1000 driving miles between the two teens. Accidents come in many shades of black, white, and grey. 

 

The first one, for which we revoked driving privileges, involved an as-yet-unliscensed driver (learners permit only) taking a joy ride late at night, when he was mad, at high speeds, and putting the car in a ditch. It was a miracle that he wasn't killed, no one was hurt, that minimal damage was done to our vehicle but none to other property, and that the police were not involved. Absolute miracle he wasn't killed. I drove to the site of the crash with him, walked the ruts in the field, and it will never stop scaring me how close he came to being killed had he lost control just a bit up the road, where he would have put the car into a phone pole, or a bit the other direction where he would have crashed into someone's house, likely killing people. Revoking driving privileges for 6 months (delaying him being able to get his license) and requiring him to pay for the damages seemed pretty modest consequences; our sole goal being to make sure he makes it to his next birthday alive and without killing anyone else. The only reason I totally changed course after 2 months and let him get his license, on his 16th birthday, was because my mom was literally dying in our house just then, and I just wanted something happy on his birthday. We've all had a lot of trauma with my mom slowly dying in our home over the past year, and I just needed to let it go, hope for the best, and count on him having learned his lesson. Indeed, he'd been very traumatized by the accident and hadn't complained one bit about not being allowed to drive. I decided to let it go at 2 months, just for the reason of needing him to have some happiness on his much anticipated 16th birthday instead of only remembering his grandma drawing her last breaths and us sitting vigil with her. She was a very forgiving parent, and I told him that the license was her birthday gift to him. It gave him a happy memory.

 

The second accident involved the kids (both teens in the car) all deciding, while we were out of town, and the 18 year old was in charge, to go driving to a swimming hole that they didn't know the way to. They used GPS and ended up on very bad roads, continued their search on increasingly horrible roads instead of turning around and returning to good roads, ended up bottoming out the car at least twice, went over at least one hill too fast to see the other side where the shit hit the fan and the road turned into a mud slide. Instead of stopping, reversing, and finding a place to turn around and return to decent roads, they continued their quest to find the swimming hole. They were in an AWD Volvo sedan (that they didn't even realize was AWD). They haven't yet had the experience to be allowed to drive our 4WD F150, which is the only vehicle we have that could safely go on that sort of roads, and they haven't yet been taught to drive that big a truck safely or use 4WD, so they don't drive that yet. They'd NEVER been allowed to go on those sorts of roads yet, so had no business going on that sort of roads. They didn't have permission to go adventuring off road in any vehicle. At any time during their 90 min off-roading adventure, they had many opportunities to realize this was stupid, turn back, get back to safe roads, but they waited to make that decision until they were literally stuck and couldn't get out, didn't know where they were (despite two iPhones and a GPS in the car), and it was getting dark. At that time, they finally called for help, and a friend was able to coach them to slowly drive out . . . and then they continued to actually go to the swimming hole! Which was actually on a paved road! So, that is the short story of why this second incident was, in my opinion, the result of unacceptably poor decision making and risk taking.

 

We are paying for 100% of all costs for everything for our kids up to this date, including cars for everyone who can drive, insurance, unlimited gas, etc. The $ is not an issue at all. I could afford to keep paying for this. However, I do believe that kids need to gradually be given adult responsibilities as they are given adult freedoms. This is in order to help them learn to make better decisions, so that they learn to actually BE responsible. Since both these accidents/incidents are the result of irresponsible decision making, I felt like I was getting a warning sign that my teens aren't there yet, and that I need to help them learn to make better decisions, since what I had been doing (just paying all the bills, period), apparently isn't working well. 

 

There are much, much worse consequences that could have befallen my kids or others on the road through these bad decisions. Frequent avoidable accidents are a serious safely warning, IMHO, and I need to find a way to stop them. 

 

Maybe you should shelve your snark, or block me on your feed, because your attitude is rude and nasty, and I'd really prefer not to read your comments, so why don't you block me. I'm blocking you now, so you won't irritate me any more.  

[Wheres Toto]

DD has had her own car since her senior year in high school and it was to save ME time and hassle.  She danced 45 minutes away 5 days a week and worked at her dance studio.  Her having a car meant I didn't have to drag the kids out to drive her there.  And they ALWAYS fell asleep in the car and napping at 5:30pm didn't make for good bedtimes.

 

In college she needs her car to get to work.  She would be very limited in her work/class schedule if she had to depend on public transportation for everything.  We basically pay for everything except the gas for long personal trips.  She knows if she gets a ticket or in an accident when she's at fault (doing something stupid), she would likely lose the car.

 

We'd probably have her pay more things on her car if she wasn't already giving us 80% of her paychecks for school expenses(mainly room and board since she chose to live on campus although I also want her to live there because it's a long crappy dangerous commute).  We don't want her to have to work an excessive amount of hours to cover all her expenses, we want school to be handled like her second part time job and the proper time put in.

[regentrude]

The first one, for which we revoked driving privileges, involved an as-yet-unliscensed driver (learners permit only) taking a joy ride late at night, when he was mad, at high speeds, and putting the car in a ditch....

 

The second accident involved the kids (both teens in the car) all deciding, while we were out of town, and the 18 year old was in charge, to go driving to a swimming hole that they didn't know the way to....They didn't have permission to go adventuring off road in any vehicle. At any time during their 90 min off-roading adventure, they had many opportunities to realize this was stupid, turn back, get back to safe roads, but they waited to make that decision until they were literally stuck and couldn't get out, didn't know where they were (despite two iPhones and a GPS in the car), and it was getting dark.

 

Thanks for giving more details.

In both cases, my kids would have been made to take responsibility for the consequences, and I would have revoked driving privileges for the unlicensed teen who was not only stupid but broke the law. These are not the kind of inexperienced-young-driver-accidents I fully expect to happen.

[unsinkable]

(((Stephanie)))

 

I'm sorry about your mom. :grouphug:

 

Both situations would have scared the h*ll out of me. The swimming hole story hits close, though, bc we have a family member who didn't have permission to go to a swimming hole and ended up paralyzed when they hit the water wrong. :crying:

[Tsuga]

Well, my dd pays for her own driving expenses.

 

When she got the car, it was understood that were any damage to occur while she was driving she would be financially responsible for repairing it.

 

Yeah.

 

I think making them show responsibility up front is a lot easier than meting out responsibility as a punishment.

 

The reality is these should be their costs.

 

Right now it must feel to them that they have to be responsible because they did something wrong, but actually, drivers are just supposed to be responsible.

 

All these threads convince me that our parents had it right: you pay insurance, you rent the car, you pay for gas, then you can drive. If you can handle that, you are much less likely to do some fool thing like let a friend take a joy ride, because you have a lot more skin in the game!

 

I don't know how some parents can afford to pay for all this for their kids. We for sure won't be doing so. I guess if you can pay for your child's study abroad in high school and college, plus college tuition, plus you've got your retirement squared away, etc. then by all means... I am very jealous.

 

 

 

 And even they never made us pay for gas or insurance.  And they certainly NEVER punished us for having an accident with one of their vehicles.  It seriously makes me wonder why some of you became parents in the first place.

 

Sure as hell wasn't to buy some fool teenager a car to wreck!

 

I realize that some people on this forum have a ton of money. And in those circles, they buy kids cars. They also have the money to pay for a lawyer should it come to that, you know, if there is damage to person or property. You hear about it in the news, but on internet forums, it feels personal.

 

I get that in some rural areas, you simply must have a car before you can go to community college or even get a job, and I could see helping a kid out in that case, absolutely. Maybe renting or exchanging for doing some housework, and having them pay insurance or something. Or at least forwarding them the cash or handing something down so they can actually get a job. That makes sense to me. But most people aren't in that situation, and those who do usually end up asking the teenager to pay for gas with a job, or require certain grades, and so on. It's not just, here you go kid, please enjoy access to the #1 killer of teens in the country, no strings attached.

 

Why on earth would you give a huge, deadly, several-thousand-dollar asset to an unemployed teenager?

[The Girls' Mom]

I think restricting privileges and making them pay restitution are completely reasonable in those cases.  Those weren't just run of the mill accidents.

 

We bought a 3rd car for our oldest to drive, with the knowledge that she was only borrowing it.  (Although it will be gifted to her when she moves out).  It is an older, slightly beat up car with good bones that we didn't pay much for.  We carry the insurance, which wasn't all that much in our case.  We paid for the gas until she got a job.  We do live rurally, I go to school full time and I have two other teens to cart around.  Her having her "own" car was as much to help me out as it was for her.  She needed a car before she could work or drive to community college.  

We have two more that will be driving next year, and we will probably do the same thing.  In order to work and go to school, they'll have to have cars.  

[kroe1]

Hum, Mine never would have had the money to pay for damages. In addition, I did not have the time to drive him around everywhere. Instead, I bought him a box of Depends every time he screwed up as a teen. When he turned twenty-one, I counted all the boxes of Depends and let him know how many years I would be living with him after I became incontinent.

[MomtoCandJ]

Growing up I had to buy my own car and gas but my parents paid for the insurance (my parents actually ended up buying my car from me because they needed a vehicle quickly since they hit a deer with one of theirs).

Dh had to pay for everything himself. We will most likely give dd1 my current car and pay for everything but gas (she will have a set amount we will give her and any more she will need to cover) (by then I will have had it for 10 yrs) and I will get a new one, once dd1 graduates (assuming good grades and attending college) we will buy her a better car and pay for insurance, maintenance and repairs (if accidental, not done out of foolishness). Same deal with dd2

[Splash]

Our kids buy their own cars.  We pay matching fund up to $1500 and they pay rest.  We cover their insurance until they get into an accident or get a ticket that makes their insurance costs go up then they are responsible for the difference.  During the school year we pay for gas and maintenance.  Once summer starts they get one full tank of gas then they are responsible for the rest. They are responsible for the care and maintenace on their cars though we often help out or buy them gifts of tires, repairs, etc.  This is helpful to us as we had many family members driving my kids around when I had no drivers and three in high school plus two littles.

 

Every family needs to figure out what works for them.