No School in Two Years

[TammyS]

 

Two years ago when she first mentioned this, she had a four month old at that time, and said that they hadn't been doing school consistently

 

This makes me wonder if more school has been getting done than you think.  "not consistently" is a lot more than nothing at all.

 

I have a friend who has never done school consistently since I've known her.  She's just one of those chaotic, disorganized people.  But her children (including the grown ones) have done very well.  Her 11th grader went to a private school this year (because the kid wanted to) and is at the head of the class, despite an education that was exceedingly scatter-shot for ALL of the years of homeschooling. 

 

My point is that it's really hard to know what is actually going on educationally without a substantial amount of seeing what is going on day-to-day.  While my friend's method of homeschooling is not one I would choose for myself, it obviously got the job done.

[SKL]

Another thing we need to do as parents (homeschoolers or not) is to plan for down times to take care of our selves (each member of the family's self).  The inevitable ups and downs are more likely to devastate if there is no leeway built into the schedule.

 

Not that the OP seems to have this particular problem.  Though, it almost sounds like her extra-parental activities are as demanding as a full-time job.  So maybe that is part of it.

[Tsuga]

What with the kids' ages, as well as Chelli's personal/identifying signature and photo, I'm thinking that we might want to go back and delete identifying details in this thread.

 

No matter what happens sometimes you don't want discussions about your intervention preserved on the Internet...

[Chelli]

This makes me wonder if more school has been getting done than you think.  "not consistently" is a lot more than nothing at all.

 

I have a friend who has never done school consistently since I've known her.  She's just one of those chaotic, disorganized people.  But her children (including the grown ones) have done very well.  Her 11th grader went to a private school this year (because the kid wanted to) and is at the head of the class, despite an education that was exceedingly scatter-shot for ALL of the years of homeschooling. 

 

My point is that it's really hard to know what is actually going on educationally without a substantial amount of seeing what is going on day-to-day.  While my friend's method of homeschooling is not one I would choose for myself, it obviously got the job done.

 

Two years ago she told me not consistently. When I saw her three weeks ago, she told me that for the last two years (since I'd last talked to her until three weeks ago), they hadn't been doing school at all. That was her exact description which is what got me worried. Not consistently bothers me, but I honestly wouldn't have worried about it much since at least something is happening. Not doing it at all is what got me involved. That's a totally different level, IMO.

[fairfarmhand]

When life gets in the way, I think what's crucial is what is occurring while mom is at the hospital, crying in her room, or at the lawyer's office.

 

Are the kids reading? Doing some lame worksheets to keep math facts fresh? Are they watching educational videos? Are they creating artwork? Are they writing letters to people? Are they playing the piano?

 

Or are they vegging out playing MarioKart? Are they watching Looney Tunes? Are they chatting on Facebook?

 

I lost my mom after a 12 year illness. The last 4 years of so, she was in terrible shape that when I left her side I wondered if she would still be there. I still needed to school my kids. When she did pass, we took a week off for funeral, and took another week off at home to recover from the travel. But after that I needed to focus on something besides my grief. And my mom wouldn't have wanted her grandkids to lose months of schooling because of her death. It hurts and it still does. Sometimes I'm still slammed with a huge sense of loss, but my kids need me to handle it and continue on with life. I do know, if I had been in so much grief that I couldn't get out of bed, my husband would have enrolled the kids both for their benefit and to give me time and help to process my own pain. Months of non-schooling (different from UNSCHOOLING) isn't an option for our family and shouldn't be for any family who claims to be homeschooling.

 

By the way, we did make up the schooling in the summer, finishing a bit later than normal, but we did complete our curriculm for the year.

 

Some years, when life happens, you do math and english and read lots of good books, perhaps watching PBS Nova and Ken Burns shows for history and science.

[Garga]

And how do you think a new homeschooler dealing with a loss might take it?

 

If there is a chance she would take it literally, it is not something I would tell her. What to do during the dying and death of a loved is not something I would reduce to a slogan/pithy statement/etc.

 

 

I still don't think 99% of people would take it literally. I think that vast majority realize that life goes on and you push ahead, even in the face of grief.

 

I'm getting the feeling that there's more going on here.  Are you grieving right now?  Do you usually disagree with Joanne and so when she posts things it irks you and you see the worst in her posts?  I feel like there's a subtext here I'm not getting.  

 

I will stop now because I don't want to hurt you and I fear you might be hurting and that's why the grandma statement bothers you so much.

[albeto.]

IMO, she's in over her head, but if she absolutely will NOT send them to ps (there are no private schools in their area nor could they afford it), I'm hoping to steer her toward some kind of online option that will require very little from her.

I don't think there's any reason to fret about starting education at 10. While it's not conventional, there is a subgroup of home educators who suggest this is ideal, keeping in mind an environment rich with learning opportunities. Even if not, it's likely he can catch up with something like an online curriculum before too long. It sounds like your friend is simply overwhelmed with it all. I would be, too. Perhaps knowing she's not "too late" will help take the anxiety off such a daunting task. Knowing there exist many different styles for providing an education at home might come as a welcome relief. Sharing resources would be a practical way to help her, that is, if she wants help.

 

But if her refusal to send them to public school is because of demonic influences inherent therein, oy vey. How do you even reason with someone like that?

 

That frustrates and angers me so much if that's the case. Throwing away children's education for the sake of one's own religiously motivated emotional well-being is totally unjustified, unethical, and maddeningly irrational. I wish you luck. I wish the kids luck.

[texasmama]

After reading the "Grandma's dying" posts, my thoughts are that most posters would probably be in general agreement if we could all sit around my (vacuumed) living room and drink some coffee (out of clean, non moldy cups).  I doubt that anyone would advocate taking off two years after a death.  I doubt that anyone would advocate taking off one day after a death.

 

Also, the individuals and the possible circumstances involved are so widely varied that it is really not possible to make a general rule about what must be done for everyone.

 

I was not homeschooling when my mother had a sudden medical issue resulting in two months in the hospital, two brain surgeries, a stroke and disability, followed by a slow (3 1/2 years) downhill slide resulting in nursing home admission, abuse at a nursing home, moves to different nursing homes, the eventual move back home and then her death.  During this time period, my dh was unemployed for six months, we went through all of our retirement savings, I got unexpectedly pregnant with a baby who was diagnosed in utero with a birth defect, and one of my kids was diagnosed with severe developmental delays and other issues.  I was a hot mess and minimally functional for a long time.  It was a long road back, and it involved psychotropic medications and therapy.  If I had been homeschooling, I would have needed to make other arrangements for schooling my kids.  By the time I took up homeschooling, I was capable of doing so.  During this time, I would not have been capable of touring the lecture circuit or running a blog as a ministry.

 

There are many homeschooling mamas doing a fabulous job under difficult circumstances.  There are some who have lost their way and fallen down and need someone to help them get back up or to hold them accountable.  Of the people I know, the OP's friend is an outlier.  I am really grateful for the OP's concern and willingness to act in this situation.  (And I wonder if her friend lives near me, as I know where the OP lives...yikes.)

 

<girding up my freaking yoga pants, taking on the world, because I am a bad a$$ yoga pants girding vacuumer>

[Chelli]

I don't think there's any reason to fret about starting education at 10. While it's not conventional, there is a subgroup of home educators who suggest this is ideal, keeping in mind an environment rich with learning opportunities. Even if not, it's likely he can catch up with something like an online curriculum before too long. It sounds like your friend is simply overwhelmed with it all. I would be, too. Perhaps knowing she's not "too late" will help take the anxiety off such a daunting task.

 

But if her refusal to send them to public school is because of demonic influences inherent therein, oy vey. How do you even reason with someone like that?

 

That frustrates and angers me so much if that's the case. Throwing away children's education for the sake of one's own religiously motivated emotional well-being is totally unjustified, unethical, and maddeningly irrational. I wish you luck. I wish the kids luck.

 

I know that we might not agree on much, Albeto, since I'm a preacher's wife and all, but I 1,000% agree with you on the bolded. 

[SKL]

This thread has me wondering what total strangers would think of my house right now.  Looking around my bedroom (which is also my work office) I'm thinking, not anything good.

 

The kitchen is OK, except for the crap all over the kitchen floor.  It is my kids' job to sweep, and they haven't done it for several days.  I don't know how it gets so dirty so fast, even when no real cooking is happening.

 

The bathrooms are OK. I wipe them down most days, and I don't have little boys.  :P

 

Everyplace else is cluttered.  It's only one layer of clutter, which could be cleaned up pretty quickly, but it probably looks bad to someone coming in off the street.  Oh well.  I choose to be cheerful about the clutter rather than uptight about cleaning it.

 

I do draw the line with smells.  If it is growing or fermenting without permission, I will find it and out it will go.

 

So far I've only had one experience with maggots - in my neighbor's garbage can when I was a kid.  Once was enough for me.  Though I did notice a bookworm on the kitchen table one day.  Not sure how that happened.

[Carol in Cal.]

Clutter is one thing; filth is quite another--a safety issue, really.

[Carol in Cal.]

Chell, when I was just thinking about whether to homeschool or not I attended a free intro to homeschooling night at a local Christian homeschoolers' convention.  I want to add, I am Confessional Lutheran, so very conservative Biblically but also not fundamentalist socially.  Not one who goes to church expecting the pastor to tell me how to parent, KWIM?  But rather one who goes to church expecting the pastor to remind everyone that parenting is one of their key vocations from God and they have to actually do it, and do it in a God-pleasing way, but also that there are a lot of ways to do that.

 

So with that in mind, wow.  The directiveness of the talks was pretty startling to me, and, I thought, inappropriate.  Two things stand out for me.  One was that when a question from the audience came in about a friend of a friend who was insisting on sending her kids to *her church's own Christian school*, the answer was that that might be an OK scenerio but that God's best is always homeschooling and that's what parents should really do.  (Wait, WHAT?)  

The other was a fairly long story about how a faithful homeschooling mother had to deal with some kind of horrible illness/chronic problem/death in the family or something like that, and the upshot of it was that she didn't have time to do any homeschooling with her many kids, except praying with them every day.  According to the story, at the end of that year they went through the normal year end testing and had advanced a solid year.  The moral?  She was faithful so "God took care of the gaps."  

I am sure I don't have to tell you that I feel that God and Christianity are severely misused and misattributed in both of these stories, but if your friend is getting a constant barrage of teaching like this, it could explain why she is so insistent on having the kids at home and also why she is inappropriately unconcerned about not schooling them.  It amounts to brainwashing, and it's very destructive.  That's why further back in this thread I posted what I would say *in Christian terms* about her responsibilities before God.  It's important to address false teaching by means of right teaching, and it's also the only thing that is likely to combat brainwashing like this.

[Chelli]

I heard back from my friend and have some specifics of where the kids are at in regards to academics. Please do NOT quote this post since I was reminded up thread that the internet is forever. I'm posting this here because I know that you guys will have some good suggestions and ideas of where to meet each child at their level and move forward. Also, if there are any signs that some kind of testing needs to occur. 

 

10 year old: Can read just about anything you put in front of him. Still struggles with even basic addition in math and is currently working his way through MUS Alpha, but doesn't like it.

 

The twins are 8 (I think I said they were 7).

One of the twins: Can kind of read, but hasn't quite broken through to fluency. He knows place value and can do some addition and subtraction, but not much. Can only count to 200.

 

The other twin: About there in reading, vocab and comprehension haven't caught up with ability. Has taught himself some math on his own since he seems to have a knack for it. Adds and subtracts fairly well, but hasn't been taught multiplication or division yet.

 

Any thought or suggestions? I'm happy to see that their reading seems to be within the realm of normal for all their ages. She did say that they haven't focused on math because the dad feels that it's better to focus on reading and then worry about math when they are older. My friend doesn't feel completely comfortable with that approach, but she is following her dh's lead for now.

 

My kids finally woke up so I've got to step away to do some school. Thanks for all your help!

[ElizabethB]

Oldest my online spelling lessons, twins my online phonics lessons.

 

They need a flashmaster! Daily math drill for all 4 operations, all mom has to do is say, "Your turn." The timing is great for building up missed facts.

 

Printed out math fact charts to use while working through math, other people probably have more ideas for math, phonics and spelling is where I have the most expertise working with remedial students.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

 

And if you're talking about a child with MS or severe anxiety or who is literally in the hospital at this moment, come on, do you really think anyone's judging? I sure as heck am not.

 

But I do know kids who've had cancer and guess what...they went to school, with a mask, because, to quote one boy's dad, "It ain't over 'till it's over, and we're still planning on a long future for this little guy." They took it easy on him. They also kept living.

 

That's right.  There are times to put aside academics for a while.  Then there's a time to pick them back up.  2 years is too long to do nothing.

 

My neighbor across the street was originally in a career at PHX Children’s Hospital where she "helped children deal with the stress of treatment." I don't remember the job title.  She has since received a teaching degree to help children with long term treatment keep up with their academics.

[TammyS]

Since you heard back from your friend, I'm curious what she had to say in regards to not doing any schoolwork.  Is she happy with that?  Does she want to change it?  Does she want your help?

 

 

Since the kids are reading, I would focus my efforts on lots of good content (lit, history, and science) combined with no TV/video games/computer.  That alone will go a very long way at this age.  If she can add in some math games and living math, I think she'd be doing ok, at least enough to get started.  She can ramp up gradually as she feels she gets some traction.

[ElizabethB]

The family needs this book as a motivational gift:

 

Mathematics: Is God Silent? [Paperback]

James Nickel (Author)

 

Math games are a good idea.

[fairfarmhand]

OP with your friends, I might also emphasize that there's a big component to school that is related to character training. Not just reading the Bible for character training, but gaining the skill and discipline to do a difficult task without complaining or quitting. Daily school lessons foster this. (
although I know there are other ways of implementing it, I do believe that school is a natural way to teach it.) Daily school teaches that we take huge tasks and conquer them by "taking a bite at a time." Daily school teaches prioritizing.

 

 

I'm sure there are other character lessons that daily school teaches, but those are just a starter. On days when I am not motivated, seeing daily school lessons as a lesson in character to my kids (since they are my responsibility to God) helps me knuckle under and do the hard thing.

 

So that might be one way to encourage her to see the importance of daily diligence.

[Guest submarines]

Some people are very self-deprecating and sarcastic, so I can see it happening in some cases -- although apparently not in this one, because Chelli has seen it for herself.

 

I had one friend who would talk about her house being a mess... but her idea of a mess was that someone forgot to pick up a few magazines off of a table after they were done reading them. But if I barely knew her, I might have thought she was a real slob by the things she said.

I might have missed it, but did Chelli see anything more than "DH needing to wash dishes while we were there" and "they had the whole day to prepare as they knew we were coming?" Because this in itself doesn't sound like an emergency situation to me.

[Artichoke]

If she's open to help, you might want to suggest Managers of Their Homes by Teri Maxwell. It can really help with large family logistics. The book Homeschooling with a Meek and Gentle Spirt, also by Teri Maxwell, is a surprisingly encouraging and empowering book. I really like the way she looks at the nitty-gritty things that rob us of peace in our homes. She also addresses depression both medically and spiritually. There is a chapter on dying to self, but the book isn't a just pray it away or just work harder type of book. She's really open and honest about her struggles in homeschooling and raising her family.

[FaithManor]

Chelli, you could also emphasize to her that she would not be capable of the public speaking, and the ministries she is involved in without her own education so why deny that to her own children? Does she want them to achieve less? If it is so important to her that they perpetuate her religious beliefs, then part of that is also having the academic education to engage the culture in a rational manner, and that isn't accomplished by raising educationally feral adults. Sometimes framing it in a way that shows that parent how much their own education has helped them allows them to see how much they are restricting their child's future options to do the very thing the parent is doing.

[MinivanMom]

I gird up my yoga pants and get a couple of hours of homeschooling done this morning . . . and come back to find this thread has taken a curious turn.

 

I'm having trouble keeping track of the personal circumstances of all the posters here, but it sounds like 1 or 2 of you are currently in grief. I hope my comments have not hurt anyone who is currently grieving or in crisis.

 

I would gently suggest that this discussion is not about you personally or about anyone who is genuinely experiencing a crisis. It is about the long series of excuses that some homeschoolers use to justify not homeschooling for years on end. It was within that context that Joanne made the original comment, and it was within that context that I repeated it.

[sunflowerlady]

Can twins sit in with older sibling for MUS? I also agree about some sort of game for math facts for all of them.

 

Reading- Their skill don't sound too far behind to me.  Perhaps something like Spalding method for all of them. Or, the online phonics that Elizabeth mentioned.  I used Alpha Phonics when dd was little, Mom could work through a page or lesson a day with all of them at their own level.  

 

Then just have then work on reading library books a little each day.

 

Copywork for handwriting and grammar, maybe.

 

I think if mom can use one resource for multiple ages of children it might be helpful and easier for her.

[Tsuga]

I wonder if part of the fact that she took time off was that things weren't "working" with her older son but she didn't want to get him evaluated for math issues or wasn't ready to face that.

 

While numbers backward and addition could be lack of education, it could be a sign that there is something seriously wrong there. By ten, the spatial orientation issues usually aren't showing up even when they learn to write for the first time, because that's a developmental thing. The backward numbers and addition issues are concerning because those are things you can learn through real life.

 

The twins sound a bit behind but within the range of normal, but I think starting formal school at seven is normal, personally. It's mainly the 10-year-old that worries me. Just reading and playing outdoors is fine for small children. That's do-able.

 

No TV/electronics until school is done is reasonable for all children no matter what their schooling, period. Mine certainly don't get it every day and then ONLY when all conditions are met ON TIME and then only for 15 minutes. We have a life to live.

[albeto.]

 

My sister used and enjoyed KONOS when her kids were this age. It's a unit study approach where the units are specific "character traits." After a few of these units, my sister found she was confident enough to take control of their education herself.

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

It sounds like they are not as far behind as her former words would have indicated.  That is good!

 

She should read aloud to the twins for about an hour every day.  The reading selections should be a mix of science, poetry, literature, and history, and need to include some books that are much more complex with longer sentences than they would normally read on their own.  I can give you some suggestions if you want, but starting with 'The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe' would be good.  It's an allegory for Christ's Passion, and it also has fairly complex, lengthy sentences in it.  Older books like "The Swiss Family Robinson" or "Little Women" or "Robinson Crusoe" or "Heidi" (unabridged in each case) would accomplish the same thing.  While she is reading she should stop and ask what tough words mean, and if the kids don't know she should tell them, and then read that sentence again.  That is by far the best way to teach vocabulary--in context, out loud, using it in a sentence.

She should then have the twins read to her at their level for 15 minutes each, and use phonics pathways or another phonics program to teach decoding.  And she should assign copywork to them each day, a couple of sentences.  I'd encourage her to play SOTW CD's in the background while they drive around, and to include Ms. Frizzle books (science at their level) in the read alouds.  
 

For math, it sounds like the twins need both arithmetic concepts and facts practice.  I have not seen this done, but I know of people who taught math facts using one of the many facts programs (computer or otherwise) or math games out there, and practiced skip counting every day until mastered, and then started Saxon math at level 54.  Honestly I'm reluctant to suggest this, lacking direct experience/observation, but maybe someone else will suggest something more definitive.

The 10 year old needs solid grammar training at this point, and I would be inclined to suggest Rod and Staff 3 or 4, skipping the writing assignments.  Then use Writing Strands for writing, and assign subject area writing to him as well, as outlined in WTM.  Encourage her to take them to the library weekly and to get him reading a well-rounded set of topics.  For math, I am not that familiar with MUS, but I know that it's an unusual scope and sequence--hopefully others will comment on how long it takes to converge at grade level.  For science he is at a great age for Real Science 4 Kids, and that's what I would suggest.  Sounds like he could mostly do it on his own.  For history I am not sure, it depends what they have done so far.  My inclination would be to encourage her to have him listen in on SOTW with the twins, and also get him some US history books--a single volume textbook at his level would be a great thing for him to read over and over this year, since he likes to read.  I'd also get a few games--Equate for math, and Perspective for history (it's a timeline game, a good one).  

[albeto.]

Chelli, you could also emphasize to her that she would not be capable of the public speaking, and the ministries she is involved in without her own education so why deny that to her own children?

 

The hypocrisy and childishness of the friend really astound me. Here she is offering advice to others, and I'm willing to bet she frames all this within the context of being personally led by Jesus to do just this, and yet is incapable or unwilling to care for some of the most rudimentary needs of her children. That her husband, a minister (who likely also feels Jesus is calling him to lead some flock of trusting souls), could be so willfully blind to the needs of his kids and the ineptitude of his wife suggests to me they're far more willing to chase their own rainbows, and their kids are just along for the ride. That really bothers me, and I do hope it's not the case. It just gives such an appearance of selfishness, and grandiosity, and kids should never be simply accessories to someone's life. I've completely riled myself up now, and have to clean something just to get over my big old self, lol!

[FaithManor]

 I've completely riled myself up now, and have to clean something just to get over my big old self, lol!

Albeto, you over achieving mother you! :D

 

Want to come be riled up and overachieve at my house???

 

Oh well, I took some of that energy too and tackled a bookcase that has needed it for a good long while. I have a nice stack of items for the Goodwill, and room now for eldest ds's ever growing collection of literature. That boy, I don't know about him. I have a feeling his first apartment will be furnished with a sleeping bag, one pot, one pan, one plate, one set of silverware, one glass, one towel, and wall to wall books! God Bless the woman that takes him off my hands! ;)

[Tanaqui]

But I do know kids who've had cancer and guess what...they went to school, with a mask, because, to quote one boy's dad, "It ain't over 'till it's over, and we're still planning on a long future for this little guy." They took it easy on him. They also kept living.

 

To go back to this for a second, it can also be beneficial to kids to keep up a normal routine, even if there IS no hope. Doing school every day can be a distraction from what's wrong, and it can be comforting to do something where you know what to do, every day.

[Tsuga]

Oh yes, absolutely, Tanaqui. But the point is just to say... you need to get over the little humps and the big hills and the huge mountains all the same way, one step at a time. Maybe some more rests on the mountains but then you keep going. If you stop you might get stuck there for the winter...

[*Lulu*]

To go back to this for a second, it can also be beneficial to kids to keep up a normal routine, even if there IS no hope. Doing school every day can be a distraction from what's wrong, and it can be comforting to do something where you know what to do, every day.

This is very true.

 

My mom is a hospital home bound teacher for her school district and has had several students over the years who were terminal, but the parents insisted on continuing school. Keeping things as normal as possible can be a gift to everyone in the midst of crisis and loss.

[sunflowerlady]

I am glad you updated. If the 10 year old is "currently" working his way through MUS Alpha, that doesn't fit with not having done school for two years. It sound like they are actually doing things, but perhaps not as consistently as would be best.  

 

Also, the fact that she knows their skills in reading and math points to her observing them read and do math even though it may not always be "official school".

 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that the kids have had some schooling or at least exposure to things that have allowed them to do some learning.

 

 

To go back to one rabbit trail - 

 

I'm a relaxed homeschooler.

I'm a relaxed housekeeper.

I'm a relaxed parent.

I used to be an uptight homeschooler, housekeeper and parent.  Things were a lot easier to show off then but I suffered and my kids suffered.  (Dh didn't.  I think he'd prefer things go back to that.  But he was looking at things more on the surface and not at the actual persons involved.)

 

I make up for being relaxed by being consistent.  Schooling year-around works well with that.  I think that's much better for me and the kids.  

[Lang Syne Boardie]

FWIW, I am no fan of this gal and strongly feel she should get off the lecture circuit, at the least, but --

 

any truly neglectful homeschooling mother that I've known personally has not had the slightest clue where her kids are in English and math skills.

 

This mother knows exactly how her child is doing on place value and rounding - she can't have been ignoring their math education for two years.

[Carol in Cal.]

FWIW, I am no fan of this gal and strongly feel she should get off the lecture circuit, at the least, but --

 

any truly neglectful homeschooling mother that I've known personally has not had the slightest clue where her kids are in English and math skills.

ITA, and especially they don't really know what 'grade level' appropriate skills would be.  

 

They are usually nonschoolers giving unschooling a bad name.  They say they are unschooling but they really are not.

[Garga]

MUS didn't work for my son when he was 8 and 9. We switched to CLE and he works it all himself and has learned so much. You could recommend that program to her. A child can work on it pretty independently and there are very few people who have failed at CLE. I've mostly heard success story after success story.

[TammyS]

This thread has made me think we need a sticky for "crisis schooling", like the ones in the high school forum for different subject. 

[EmseB]

 

I make up for being relaxed by being consistent.   

 

I like this.  I've been reading this thread with a wary eye, because this year of homeschool was so much less than I wanted it to be.  But even with morning sickness that kept me in bed most of the day, I couldn't just let the kids languish.  We at least did math, LA, and reading every day and I hated every second of it.  But I've found that I really lose momentum or inertia or something if I'm not consistent.  So, we do the basics every day so I don't get stuck.

 

We're taking a two-week break when the baby comes, but it's scheduled in...and we gave up other time off for that.  And the only reason it's a two-week break is because I'm their primary teacher.  When I had #3 two years ago, my oldest was in B&M school and I think he took one day off, or maybe not even that.  I just can't fathom letting everything drop, and I'm an extremely low-energy, lazy person.  I can't think of a day that I wouldn't rather sleep in, watch TV, internet, sew, read, and lay around instead of enforcing school, chores and keeping up the house.  But I don't see how people can just do that without ending up with extreme problems with life.

[idnib]

So much good stuff here and I'm enjoying the thread. I don't have much to add, though, except to say I really like "girding your yoga pants" much more than the alternative "adding a hoop skirt to your denim jumper."

[Catwoman]

I might have missed it, but did Chelli see anything more than "DH needing to wash dishes while we were there" and "they had the whole day to prepare as they knew we were coming?" Because this in itself doesn't sound like an emergency situation to me.

Chelli's friend talked about the dishes in the sink being moldy and how sometimes they were so nasty she would just throw them away rather than try to wash them, and the woman's best friend told a "funny" (and when I say funny, I mean :eek: and :ack2:) story about maggots and both women (not Chelli! :)) laughed about it.

 

I'll try to find the post and link it, but right now I'm on my phone and it is a nuisance to scroll back through posts on this thing! :)

[Alte Veste Academy]

I am glad you updated. If the 10 year old is "currently" working his way through MUS Alpha, that doesn't fit with not having done school for two years. It sound like they are actually doing things, but perhaps not as consistently as would be best.  

 

Also, the fact that she knows their skills in reading and math points to her observing them read and do math even though it may not always be "official school".

FWIW, I am no fan of this gal and strongly feel she should get off the lecture circuit, at the least, but --

 

any truly neglectful homeschooling mother that I've known personally has not had the slightest clue where her kids are in English and math skills. She knows exactly how her child is doing on place value and rounding - she can't have been ignoring their math education for two years.

 

See now, the way I read the update was that the last time she bought math curriculum for her 10yo was 'round about the time he was in first grade. I put zero stock in the use of the word currently. I imagine that as more of a face-saving term than anything meaningful...like well, that's where he stopped and what I could throw in front of him right now because it's "currently" on the shelf, even though he hasn't really looked at it for years...

 

I don't know how you could live with kids, not even homeschooling...just live with...go shopping, cook, live life and not know where they are in terms of basic skills. It sounds to me like she (thank goodness!) took Chelli's e-mail seriously and maybe did a quick assessment. It doesn't take 2 minutes to Google one and, as we know, she is savvy with the internet. But really, it was all very general info anyway, nothing that a homeschooling circuit "talker" in the know couldn't come up with on the fly. Remember, this woman is a public pretender.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

See now, the way I read the update was that the last time she bought math curriculum for her 10yo was 'round about the time he was in first grade. I put zero stock in the use of the word currently. I imagine that as more of a face-saving term than anything meaningful...like well, that's where he stopped and what I could throw in front of him right now because it's "currently" on the shelf, even though he hasn't really looked at it for years...

 

I don't know how you could live with kids, not even homeschooling...just live with...go shopping, cook, live life and not know where they are in terms of basic skills. It sounds to me like she (thank goodness!) took Chelli's e-mail seriously and did a quick assessment. It doesn't take 2 minutes to Google one and, as we know, she is savvy with the internet.

True, she may be just going into defense mode...

[Momofeat]

Would she be willing to join a co-op? Several of the families in our TOG co-op have talked about how the accountability of being prepared for class meetings have inspired them to be more vigilant in their schooling.

[FaithManor]

I don't know what to make of it. The mom may be telling the truth, I hope she is, but she may be getting defensive and making up something to get Chelli off her back. Only she knows, and I hope for the children's sake that the new information is correct. That said, alpha is way behind for a 10 year old who is neurotypical. Now, she could make time, get through it quickly, and be on to the next book, but much of what is described in MUS alpha is first grade work. I would hope that "working through" means she is getting individual instruction.

 

If she has been working through alpha for say FOUR YEARS, then something else is going on either not getting instruction from the parents, or getting instruction and it doesn't stick which means she needs other help all of which would be consistent with simply not doing educational work for two years. However, there are math learning disabilities that can be remediated, some more easily than others for certain. I am not making light of that at all. But, with four years to go until high school level mathematics, she needs help right away. Even a consumer math book for high schoolers doing a non-college prep route would require five or six levels of MUS as the foundation.

 

IF there is a good, academically minded co-op in the area, trying to get her involved might be wise if she will listen anyway. Sometimes just being around other homeschooled kids and seeing what they are doing, what they are capable of can help one become consistent.

[texasmama]

Would she be willing to join a co-op? Several of the families in our TOG co-op have talked about how the accountability of being prepared for class meetings have inspired them to be more vigilant in their schooling.

This is how my kids have consistently done science for six years.   It is also how my boys learned Latin.

 

A woman has to know her limits and then make a plan to fill in those gaps.

[FaithManor]

Arctic, we've homeschooled year in and out for years not taking the summer off because we wanted to have time to go down a rabbit trail, or travel, or just simply have the breathing room in case something came up. This was the first year since my married dd's senior year - 2008/2009 that I have had one on a strict 9 month schedule and that is because transcripts are due by June 1st at his college of choice. He graduates from homeschooling on May 23rd in front of family and friends, and so he's had to keep a tight schedule in order to have everything done on time. He is actually looking forward to a summer OFF from academics before college begins.

 

It is a plan that has worked well for us.

My question for these kinds of threads is this:  If there are school-aged children in the home all day, not "doing school", what, exactly, are they doing? There's a huge difference between sitting around doing not much of anything and, say, helping out on the family farm.  And if the friend is home all day, not homeschooling, not working a paid job, and not housekeeping how does she spend her time all day?  

[beaners]

And if the friend is home all day, not homeschooling, not working a paid job, and not housekeeping how does she spend her time all day?

Reading threads on the WTM boards?

[mommymilkies]

At first I thought there was some hyperbole going on in the friend's story.  I mean, when I'm frustrated I complain about how we really haven't done anything for years and we never get anything done.  And that's simply not true.  It's just me whining even though I have lots of proof we've done tons. ;)  But from further anecdotes, I'd say this friend really is having problems and I hope something works out for her soon. 

 

I had a friend like that-I didn't take it seriously, but no really nothing had been done for years.  That's so sad.  :(

[FO4UR]

For the twins,  www.talkingfingers.com Read, Write,Type and Word Qwerty.  TT for math.

 

For the oldest, TT for math and R&S Spelling.

 

 

I understand pushing the computer stuff, and I think math & spelling must be consistent and therefore should be on the computer.  That said, this problem won't be fixed if she doesn't get into the habit of spending time on school with her kids daily. So, I'd recommend pushing her towards some *enjoyable* things to do together...SOTW, Science, The Sentence Family, Literature...

 

 

I think the worst thing to do would be to give the impression that she can plug the kids into the computer and wash her hands of it....well, that's not worse than what she's doing now, but prod her on to doing some actual teaching.

 

 

Feed their bodies. Feed their souls.