fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 The past several times my helper has come I have ended up more stressed than helped. She is sweet girl & I think the majority is my fault. But if I don't come up with some solutions I will have to fire her (sounds harsh & I certainly don't mean it that way but what else would it be?) Originally I wanted a break from kids so I could tackle my to do list (bigger projects, planning, paperwork). So I wanted her to play with them, read, supervise, play games, handle snacks & meals, change diapers, handle naps, take them outside, etc. This didn't go well. It's hard to make a list for this sort of thing. I tried. But the details were just too much for me to mess with. And she would get bogged down in details & perfection (building fort turned into 2 hr mess & kids lost interest after 10 min). Puzzles, crafts, etc she gets to into her own work & ignores kids (even though I told her to keep careful eye on them all & help them). Simple pbj takes her eternity to fix. So I switched to having her clean. She does a good job with this but she is very slow. And I end up having to watch kids-so what's the point? I could just hire a pro housekeeper. The big benefit is that I can run quick errands. I think I have put too many cleaning tasks on her list. But If I don't give her a list then she just sits around. I have stressed that kids are more important than the list but she has to cross everything off. I am just tired of micro-managing. There are other very stressful things going on in my life so I may not be seeing this in the right light. The best times have been when she takes them for long walks & I have quiet. But weather hasn't been good for that. I just think I am not utilizing her correctly or something. A friend has a mother's helper who is able to cook, clean, manage kids (even doing their school work with them), & come up with her own fun stuff to do with them. I don't expect all that-but any more I am not sure it's worth the $$. Maybe I should just use her for when I need to run errands or have appts? Any words of wisdom or ideas? She is a great kid & my girls love her. Am I too stressed & cranky? I am definitely a perfectionist & always think 'I can do that better' (not in a mean way-although it doesn't sound nice at all). But the point was to reduce my stress not add to it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 How old is she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I don't have a mother's helper, so take this with a big grain of salt. :) I do, however, have weekly cleaning help that we pay to clean only (no kid care). I wouldn't ask her to clean. I think watching and entertaining kids is enough. Cleaning up after play, of course. Not sure how old she is, but multitasking is a skill she might not have developed yet. Can you pick up some simple activities she can do with the kids? Play dough? Coloring? Clay? Something confined to a single table or space, and easier to clean up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Yes, how old and how experienced with kids is she? All I expect my mother's helper/young sitter to do is play with my 6 year old and not wreck any areas of the apartment. I set their food out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 How old is she? And what experience does she bring from her home (e.g., does she watch younger siblings at home, cook and clean for her mom, etc)? Unless she is a much older teen and/or has that experience, I wouldn't expect too much. When I hired babysitters (even older teens), I was happy if the DC were alive and the house was standing in some semblance of order. If you want more, you may need to put in more effort training her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 How old are your children? I have had mother's helpers many times over the years. When my kids were toddlers, I hired girls to just play with them and keep them busy. No crafts or messy things. One game or activity at a time, and she was instructed to facilitate helping them clean up before moving onto the next thing. I specifically told her this. If you want her simply playing with the kids, I think you need to give her specific guidelines--options of what to play with and instructions to clean up completely before moving on. When my kids got a little older (6 and 4) I hired a girl specifically to help the kids complete their chores while I cleaned the house. I gave her a specific list of jobs to do with them--put away laundry, clean their rooms, dust, wipe windows, and vacuum. That worked out so well. My house was so clean because we were all cleaning once a week. This girl was 12 at the time and did those chores herself at home and she was capable of teaching my kids. But it was very important for me to give her a detailed list of what to do. My kids were rewarded with a special treat and playtime with her for completing their jobs and which motivated them to work hard. The past two years I did not need her anymore, but have recently hired her again because I am watching my 15mo niece one day a week. Actually my sister in law hired her for me. Her job now is specifically to occupy the baby and help with our new puppy for three hours while I school my 8 and 6yo kids. I think the most important thing is to give very specific instructions and be constructive. Tell her what isn't working and why. If she is still getting lost in her projects and not occupying the kids and cleaning up, she might not be mature enough for this job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Also, for young girls, I wouldn't ask them to handle snacks and meals unless it is a very simple snack--pretzels in a bowl or a string cheese or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 You may need to find the one thing that she's good at and focus her efforts there. I finally cut my losses with a 19yo girl who is exceptional with kids. She cleans okay, but I got frustrated and don't assign that to her anymore. She's not great with food but can do simple things, and doesn't always make kids pick up after play. However, she is amazing at folding laundry and I'm going to have her teach me and dds how she does it when she gets back from her semester in Europe. I'm working on hiring a cleaning lady now, for that part, but my "mothers helper" is truly mostly just a babysitter. I feel safe leaving my kids with her, they all love her and when I do ask her to maybe fold laundry, I always reiterate that the kids are the priority. I've decided to cut my losses and be thrilled with a very sweet and smart girl to babysit and set a nice example for my daughters. ;) How I handle the cleaning last is another work in progress. ;) ETA: and it's okay to let her go. I went through 3 girls before finding her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 It's great to get others perspectives! She is 15 & has many younger siblings. So I figured she would be well versed but I guess not. How do you train someone to play? She either entertains herself or sits there. She doesn't engage them. I don't really think she likes kids (she isn't mean to them at all-very kind-but doesn't seem to enjoy playing with them). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 What you describe is not what I think of with the term "mother's helper" so maybe there's a disconnect on what is expected? What you describe is what around here would be a nanny. Maybe skip it until the weather is nice and hire her to do the long walks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Well, I don't know. I guess some people aren't like Mary Poppins. KWIM? I didn't really play with kids I've babysat as a teen. I made sure they didn't get hurt, they were fed, and that sort of thing. I might read them a story if asked or play with them a little bit, but it wasn't several hours of me being a 3 ring circus. I do think your list of what you want from her is a bit much. Your asking her to be even more amazing than a lot of mothers are. I take care of my children's needs everyday, but being wildly entertaining on top of that would be a bonus if I'm being honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Maybe you are looking for a part-time nanny? Someone a tad bit older might multitask better. I did part-time nanny work through college. Just a thought, if you end up looking for someone else. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 To put it very simply, you need a new mother's helper. She doesn't do a good job with the children, has no intuitive skills nor even interest, and you can't get done the stuff you needed to get done that caused you to hire a mother's helper. Keep looking! If you're looking for more serious young people, try advertising (and offering a touch more pay, if possible) for someone who has gone through the Red Cross Babysitters course and is certified in CPR and first aid. That way you might attract someone who cared enough in the first place to get that training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 It sounds like she has a learning curve. I'd make the sandwiches etc. in the morning before she comes, so she doesn't have to do that. I'd give her one or two things to do (not at the same time) with the kids and let them do random stuff (coloring etc.) in between. I'd ask her to pick up after their mess. I'd provide some mom-approved DVDs or specific PBS shows that they are allowed to watch while she does some light housework. When I was 13-15 I babysat for a family with young kids, and it was full-time in the summer. The parents (who worked outside the home) didn't really tell me what to do. They wanted the kids to watch the usual PBS shows and go outside (weather permitting), but that's about it. (I did prepare simple lunches.) Although we didn't have any pre-planned activities, we managed to keep busy and happy, and the house was decent when the parents came home. So maybe don't give your girl a project at all for some days, and then just try one. See if she can handle things on a simpler level and gradually ramp it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Oh. This is like the housecleaner thread going on right now -- I think expectations have changed. If what you are actually looking for is "part-time nanny" that's important to know. You could ask people who live in your area what is normal, and what are the going rates. When I was young, back in the Stone Age, a teen babysitter could handle a mealtime (even with light cooking; definitely more than a bowl of pretzels or string cheese), a bedtime, crafts and stories, playing games, and tidying up before the parent came back, but that may be wildly unimaginable now unless you pay adult wages to a trained adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 To put it very simply, you need a new mother's helper. She doesn't do a good job with the children, has no intuitive skills nor even interest, and you can't get done the stuff you needed to get done that caused you to hire a mother's helper. Keep looking! If you're looking for more serious young people, try advertising (and offering a touch more pay, if possible) for someone who has gone through the Red Cross Babysitters course and is certified in CPR and first aid. That way you might attract someone who cared enough in the first place to get that training. That could be, but you don't think the expectations are a bit much? Especially for a mother's helper. I'd just expect the mother's helper to play a bit with the kids or do some very basic things. They are paid far less than a nanny so you can't assign a list that long to someone that is just a mother's helper. It's called helper, not mother. Right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 That could be, but you don't think the expectations are a bit much? Especially for a mother's helper. I'd just expect the mother's helper to play a bit with the kids or do some very basic things. They are paid far less than a nanny so you can't assign a list that long to someone that is just a mother's helper. It's called helper, not mother. Right? I updated ^^^^ after reading that people now consider a lot of this to be professional nanny territory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 A 15 yo with 5 kids under 9? I would guess that she is out of depth.... It's a rare 15 yo that does that well with grace. I'd spend the money on a housekeeper, fwiw, if you are paying equivalent rates. The two tasks I most want to offload are cleaning and preparing bulk meals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I expected her to be way younger than 15. My almost 11 year old does mother's helper things (here mother's helper vs babysitter mostly means that a parent is home vs home alone with kids) and is fully capable of playing with kids, making snacks and meals, and doing simple clean up without that much direction. It sounds like your particular mother's helper isn't that into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 At 15yo she should be able to manage them without the house becoming a wreck. I missed where it said you had five kids. With five kids I would keep the expectation to watching the kids and cleaning up messes. I wouldn't expect Mary Poppins but I would definitely expect a 15yo to be able to supervise something without getting involved in her own thing and absolutely clean up the messes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I only know one mothers helper (that I mentioned above). I knew she was amazing & that I probably wouldn't find someone that good. But I guess my expectations are still too high. I thought the difference in mothers helper & babysitter were that mom was home. Which I am. I don't know anyone who has a nanny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I'd expect a 15 year old to be able to color without getting sucked into the crafts herself! And she should notice the kids are bored and help them clean up the mess. Managing 5 kids while making lunch could be a bit overwhelming, depending on the kids. Five of my 2 year old's personality? I'd run screaming... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 If you want to keep this girl, figure out what she does do well and use her only for that. Personally I would recommend finding a different mother's helper, this one just doesn't seem to fit your needs. I have had three teenage mother's helpers over the past couple of years. One was great with cleaning but didn't interact with the kids at all; that was fine because I mostly wanted help with cleaning. The one I have now isn't as efficient with cleaning but my children absolutely adore her, she will take a child along with her to help in whatever task she is doing and that is awesome. If someone just wasn't working out I would find a different person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Well, I don't know. I guess some people aren't like Mary Poppins. KWIM? I didn't really play with kids I've babysat as a teen. I made sure they didn't get hurt, they were fed, and that sort of thing. I might read them a story if asked or play with them a little bit, but it wasn't several hours of me being a 3 ring circus. I do think your list of what you want from her is a bit much. Your asking her to be even more amazing than a lot of mothers are. I take care of my children's needs everyday, but being wildly entertaining on top of that would be a bonus if I'm being honest. playing with play doh or painting with watercolors would be considered 'wildly entertaining?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 It's great to get others perspectives! She is 15 & has many younger siblings. So I figured she would be well versed but I guess not. How do you train someone to play? She either entertains herself or sits there. She doesn't engage them. I don't really think she likes kids (she isn't mean to them at all-very kind-but doesn't seem to enjoy playing with them). If there is more than one kid, she should not need to "play" with them. They should play with each other when they aren't playing alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I only know one mothers helper (that I mentioned above). I knew she was amazing & that I probably wouldn't find someone that good. But I guess my expectations are still too high. I thought the difference in mothers helper & babysitter were that mom was home. Which I am. I don't know anyone who has a nanny. I was home when I had a nanny. :) The nanny was the kids' go-to person while I worked upstairs from 9:30-5:30. She did their lunch, bath, laundry, potty training per my instruction, brought out various books and learning puzzles for them to work on, taught them Spanish & art, picked up after them, took them out for walks / exercise, and was not allowed to let them watch TV. :) But, she made about $40K, so... (Nanny was a retired teacher and artist and mom whose first language was Spanish.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I only know one mothers helper (that I mentioned above). I knew she was amazing & that I probably wouldn't find someone that good. But I guess my expectations are still too high. I thought the difference in mothers helper & babysitter were that mom was home. Which I am. I don't know anyone who has a nanny. Honestly as a babysitter -- I always had a harder time when mom was home keeping the kids focused on me and not running to the parent home for -- just about anything. OTOH I NEVER had 5 kids at once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think you need to hire someone else. My 13 year old could do all you ask for and certainly would not get sucked into the craft or puzzle to the point of not interacting with the kids. And she would tailor her fort making to the attention spans of the children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 If there is more than one kid, she should not need to "play" with them. They should play with each other when they aren't playing alone. Ok-maybe supervise is a better term. My older 2 don't need much of anything. But my younger ones definitely need supervision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I was home when I had a nanny. :) The nanny was the kids' go-to person while I worked upstairs from 9:30-5:30. She did their lunch, bath, laundry, potty training per my instruction, brought out various books and learning puzzles for them to work on, taught them Spanish & art, picked up after them, took them out for walks / exercise, and was not allowed to let them watch TV. But, she made about $40K, so... :) (Nanny was a retired teacher and artist and mom whose first language was Spanish.) Haha-that's a little out of my price range!! But does sound like what I would like to have happen. Oh my! Guess I need to adjust some expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I'd expect a 15 year old to be able to color without getting sucked into the crafts herself! And she should notice the kids are bored and help them clean up the mess. Managing 5 kids while making lunch could be a bit overwhelming, depending on the kids. Five of my 2 year old's personality? I'd run screaming... :) I think you are right about lunch...I forget how 'much' 5 kids are. FWIW she has more than 5 younger siblings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think it might be too much to expect house cleaning AND taking care of 5 kids, but she should be able to do one or the other with no trouble. If she can't manage either one well it is time to look for someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 Ok so would realistic expectations be: While I am in my room working in the morning (2 hrs) or while running errands: -supervise kids (tv is fine) -no messy crafts/activities -as much outside time as weather permits -prepackaged snack -clean up after kids (if they get out blocks then they need to be picked up before getting out another toy) I will make lunch. I will be right there with her to help with any messy type crafts/projects. During naps (kids asleep or in room): -clean kids bathroom -Unload/load dishwasher & wipe down counters -sweep & mop main floors (we have small house) Maybe I will keep a list of extra things to do if she gets done & has extra time. I want this to work & I would like to have some help. Just not sure if this is helpful. *I* can get a lot done in a day if I turn on PBS or movies & hand out prepackaged snacks. Hmmm.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think the expectation of house cleaning is too much. In my mind, a babysitter or mothers helper is only responsible for the children. That said, I would expect she be entertaining the children, not sitting around waiting for instruction. She would need to be intuitive, entertaining, and at 15 able to make lunch and snacks without help. She should leave the house, including the kitchen counters in as good of shape as she found them. In other words, clean up after herself and the children throughout the day, but not do laundry or vacuuming or dishes or clean out a playroom. NO phone on the job. It makes me crazy when I see a teen being paid to play with children and they're engrossed in their phones. If you are being paid, you are to give your charges your undivided attention. Tv as a last resort when everyone is tired and needs a break. These are the instructions I give my teens when they begin babysitting for others and I don't think they are unreasonable expectations. I would advise my daughters to gently decline a job where they were expected to do household chores. That's too much responsibility and multitasking for anyone who hasn't already had children. So I do think your expectations could use an adjustment down, but I also think this girl isn't up to handling the primary responsibility, which is looking after your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think it depends on how much you are paying her if you are going to ask her to do cleaning tasks beyond cleaning up after the kids. I would expect a lot of money personally if I were being asked to clean the bathroom and mop the floor. Wiping up crumbs from a snack is one thing and within reasonable expectations, I think. I would think that with five kids, she will need to use some of their nap time to clean up after them and take a breather herself. Also, I would not allow TV, but that's just me. If I'm paying someone to supervise my kids, I don't want them having screen time. That's for the end of the day, when DH is traveling and I am FRIED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 You were posting as I was. If this girl can't manage a messy craft, I don't believe she is going to be able to clean bathrooms and do dishes to your satisfaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think it depends on how much you are paying her if you are going to ask her to do cleaning tasks beyond cleaning up after the kids. I would expect a lot of money personally if I were being asked to clean the bathroom and mop the floor. Wiping up crumbs from a snack is one thing and within reasonable expectations, I think. I would think that with five kids, she will need to use some of their nap time to clean up after them and take a breather herself. Also, I would not allow TV, but that's just me. If I'm paying someone to supervise my kids, I don't want them having screen time. That's for the end of the day, when DH is traveling and I am FRIED. Completely agree with all of this. I would say this job sounds like a $15-$20 hour job with the extra chores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Ok so would realistic expectations be: While I am in my room working in the morning (2 hrs) or while running errands: -supervise kids (tv is fine) -no messy crafts/activities -as much outside time as weather permits -prepackaged snack -clean up after kids (if they get out blocks then they need to be picked up before getting out another toy) I will make lunch. I will be right there with her to help with any messy type crafts/projects. During naps (kids asleep or in room): -clean kids bathroom -Unload/load dishwasher & wipe down counters -sweep & mop main floors (we have small house) Maybe I will keep a list of extra things to do if she gets done & has extra time. I want this to work & I would like to have some help. Just not sure if this is helpful. *I* can get a lot done in a day if I turn on PBS or movies & hand out prepackaged snacks. Hmmm.... I think this all sounds reasonable, but I would not expect the cleaning during nap. Unloading the dishwasher and putting the dirty dishes in is about all the extra I'd expect. Maybe a quick sweep or running the vacuum, but not mopping. First, are all five kids actually asleep at the same time, and for how long? And, is she going to need that time to clean up after the kids (water color painting, any messes made, etc)? I guess I just wouldn't expect her to manage 5 children and clean up after them at the same time so that they are down for their naps and she is free to clean - I'm not sure all 15 year olds are going to be that organized or have the stamina to do that. I don't have 5 kids, but we often have a family of 5 kids over to play, so 7 total here, and because I am not used to managing it all, we do a lot of clean up after they leave. If you are looking for bathroom cleaning and mopping, what about hiring a housecleaner to come in once a week or so? I great big puffy heart our housekeeper. Once a week we run through and make sure there is no clutter, the next day she comes and leaves the entire house sparkling. It is the best money we spend. :) But we pay more than $20 an hour for cleaning help, plus always tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think this all sounds reasonable, but I would not expect the cleaning during nap. Unloading the dishwasher and putting the dirty dishes in is about all the extra I'd expect. Maybe a quick sweep or running the vacuum, but not mopping. First, are all five kids actually asleep at the same time, and for how long? And, is she going to need that time to clean up after the kids (water color painting, any messes made, etc)? I guess I just wouldn't expect her to manage 5 children and clean up after them at the same time so that they are down for their naps and she is free to clean - I'm not sure all 15 year olds are going to be that organized or have the stamina to do that. I don't have 5 kids, but we often have a family of 5 kids over to play, so 7 total here, and because I am not used to managing it all, we do a lot of clean up after they leave. If you are looking for bathroom cleaning and mopping, what about hiring a housecleaner to come in once a week or so? I great big puffy heart our housekeeper. Once a week we run through and make sure there is no clutter, the next day she comes and leaves the entire house sparkling. It is the best money we spend. :) But we pay more than $20 an hour for cleaning help, plus always tip. I think I may have to find a house cleaner instead. Hard to find here. And my hubby doesn't trust anyone to be along in our house. But maybe I could talk him into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think I may have to find a house cleaner instead. Hard to find here. And my hubby doesn't trust anyone to be along in our house. But maybe I could talk him into it. :lol: My DH has offered over and over to find a mother's helper, in addition to the housecleaner. Honestly, I have hesitated for the fear of some of what you posted - that it might be more stress than it's worth. But the housecleaner ... *that* is worth every penny. And the time they spend on doing the basics (cleaning bathrooms, mopping floors, etc) frees me up to do other stuff. But if you need that 2 hours of alone time to do your own work, etc, then you might benefit from working out the mom's helper issues, so you can have that time without kids hovering. Oh, and we are usually here when the housecleaner's here, we just move around so we're not in the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I think you expect a lot, but I also think you have the wrong girl for the job. You need someone who loves kids and loves interacting with them. My oldest would have fit the bill at 15. She always loved kids and has a natural way of interacting with them. She knew she wanted to be a teacher from 14 on, and now teaches fourth grade. She worked at a Michael's craft camp as a junior in high school and nannied for three summers while in college. She could do all the things you wanted intuitively, she only has one younger sibling, and I didn't teach her in this area. In fact, she is better with a group of kids than I could ever be. Maybe you could put the word out and find someone whose life goal is to work with kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 It's great to get others perspectives! She is 15 & has many younger siblings. So I figured she would be well versed but I guess not. How do you train someone to play? She either entertains herself or sits there. She doesn't engage them. I don't really think she likes kids (she isn't mean to them at all-very kind-but doesn't seem to enjoy playing with them). It sounds like you'd be better off with someone else. She doesn't seem to be a good fit for your expectations and family. It doesn't mean she's bad or you have negative feelings, but it's business. Not everyone will be a good fit. I'd just tell her it's not working out and maybe try to find someone else. I know...easier said than done, but you're just going to get frustrated hoping she'll turn into something she's not. Maybe working with kids isn't her thing and you'd be doing her a favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Ok so would realistic expectations be: While I am in my room working in the morning (2 hrs) or while running errands: -supervise kids (tv is fine) -no messy crafts/activities -as much outside time as weather permits -prepackaged snack -clean up after kids (if they get out blocks then they need to be picked up before getting out another toy) I will make lunch. I will be right there with her to help with any messy type crafts/projects. During naps (kids asleep or in room): -clean kids bathroom -Unload/load dishwasher & wipe down counters -sweep & mop main floors (we have small house) Maybe I will keep a list of extra things to do if she gets done & has extra time. I want this to work & I would like to have some help. Just not sure if this is helpful. *I* can get a lot done in a day if I turn on PBS or movies & hand out prepackaged snacks. Hmmm.... Are you paying her mother's helper rates? Then the chores are unreasonable IMO. You'd have to pay me substantially more an hour to clean than you would to hang out with kids. Hopefully she has the option of saying no thank you to the job if her expectations don't match yours. There was one family I had to sit for a few times because of my parents and UGH. Finally after I got $10 total for 4+ hours of sitting their 5 wild kids and expecting to make and cleanup dinner, my parents let me refuse the next times they asked. Just wondering if her...lack of enthusiasm is due to her not wanting to be there but being unable to refuse. Not that your kids are wild, but some people don't like babysitting! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I think you should try to hire your friend's helper away from her. I'm only kidding...kind of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Last summer I had a 17 year old high school graduate come over a few days a week to play with my then 6 year old while I worked from home. I paid her $25 for four hours of work. The idea was that she would somewhat entertain my dd so I could actually work. My 10 year old took care of himself fine, she didn't need to watch him. I ended up firing her midway through the summer. Day one, she played with dd. The next day, it was obvious she was bored and kept encouraging dd to watch tv (which I told her was fine SOME of the time). She was constantly on her phone and dd would complain to me that babysitter wouldn't play with her. Once, dd brought barbies up to a play and babysitter said IN FRONT OF ME "I don't remember how to play Barbies." When I tried to encourage her, she kept declining. The final straw was when she paid my dd $3 to watch Frozen and then fell asleep on the couch. Yes, dd knocked on my office door and whispered that babysitter had fallen asleep. What should she do? So I fired her. It sucked as this was the daughter of an old high school friend. I felt I had laid out the requirements pretty specifically (entertain dd so I can work) but she was just bad at it. No advice, but t I thought I'd throw out a little btdt story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It's great to get others perspectives! She is 15 & has many younger siblings. So I figured she would be well versed but I guess not. How do you train someone to play? She either entertains herself or sits there. She doesn't engage them. I don't really think she likes kids (she isn't mean to them at all-very kind-but doesn't seem to enjoy playing with them). At 15yo I think she can do better. I hired a young teenager to help me several years ago when I had five extra kids living with us for a short time. She was incredible. I kept the baby with me (baby was traumatized at being separated from her mother and would only stay with me) and my mother's helper entertained the other six children, all under the age of ten. She would do a craft with them and play games. She did all the setup for the craft and cleaned up as well. She came for 2-3 hours per session twice per week. Also, my own dd worked as a mother's helper for two years when she was in 7th and 8h grades. The first year she had 2yos (two of them) and a 4yo. She handled them well and enjoyed playing with them. The next year she watched adopted twins from Africa. She was expected to feed them, take them to the park, and play with them. Both of the moms who hired my dd adored her, sang her praises, and willingly recommended her to others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 A 15 yo with 5 kids under 9? I would guess that she is out of depth.... It's a rare 15 yo that does that well with grace. I'd spend the money on a housekeeper, fwiw, if you are paying equivalent rates. The two tasks I most want to offload are cleaning and preparing bulk meals. Babysitting 5 kids would terrify me. I have never watched that many kids. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm feeling pretty incompetent here. When our kids were young, I struggled to deal with them, feed them, and clean the kitchen and bathroom. No way could I have done that as a 15 year old. Most people around here pay minimum wage for a teen babysitter for just one kid. Can't imagine what it would cost to have someone watch five plus do light housework. Just last month I babysat our two youngest grandkids while the olders went to a movie. Two kids, and it was all I could do to keep up with them. I think maybe I unloaded the dishwasher and folded a basket of laundry, but that's about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I think you should try to hire your friend's helper away from her. I'm only kidding...kind of. Once she realized how freakishly awesome her helper was she gave her a big raise!! I couldn't steal her even if I wanted to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I really appreciate the input. I am going to make some changes based on all this & give it another go. She may not be a good fit but I honestly don't know of any other girls that live close enough. FWIW-she has been my helper for almost 9 months so I didn't just throw her into all that responsibility at once. She definitely has the option to say no. I have asked her numerous times if she felt up to it. it has been a while since our last chat so I think we will have another one next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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