Breastfeeding "discreetly?"

[CAMom]

I stink at searching these forums. I know this general topic has been discussed before but I can't find what I'm looking for.  :o

 

I was reading a Facebook thread this morning and jumped into the discussion about discreet nursing. Some have expressed the opinion that women (particularly Christian women) should be sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to view public nudity.

 

Is this concept a primarily "American" thing? Do many other cultures of the world have this hang up about breastfeeding? I'm curious to hear about other cultures and how they view this.

 

I did see the photo essay that Lisa in Italy posted.

 

Any education on other cultures would be received with gratitude. :)

[busymama7]

My husband was shocked and somewhat embarrassed when spending 2 years in Brazil and the women nursed fully exposed. He was used to more discreetness although he had been around breastfeeding his whole life(younger siblings and then nieces besides non family members). We have discussed this often as I have been bfing for 17 years. I do think it's cultural. Most interesting to me is the paintings and photographs in our country just a relatively short time ago. Certainly seems the pioneers weren't worried about discreetness.

 

Having said all that, I still nurse discreetly by lifting my shirt rather than pulling down the neckline as I see others do. I just have no desire to hang it all out there :) but I do nurse anywhere and everywhere that I am and have NEVER had a negative comment or even a look. I do have a cover I use only if my clothes won't in anyway work to keep me covered.

 

Fascinating topic. At least to me ;)

[Momof3littles]

When discussing with friends who are not against public BFing because of their religious reviews I have mentioned how HARD it is for new moms at times to be "discreet" (or wonder if the discretion police are looking over their shoulder!) while simultaneously trying to deal with leaking breasts, a crying newborn, nursing bra clasps, maybe a boppy, nursing pads, and a nursing bra, AND maybe a blanket.  It isn't like it isn't possible, but I know at times in my life it was really hard to juggle it all while wondering if someone was judging how covered I was, kwim? FWIW, my babies did not tolerate being covered past age 2-3 months or so.  I am not well endowed, so I found it pretty easy to be discreet with a nursing tank and no blanket.  I do however remember breaking into a *sweat* at times juggling nursing pads, major leakage, crying baby, bra clasps, the whole thing.  Add in a toddler or a preschooler or any other older kids, agggggh. I think nursing in public was a bit more stressful with my first born, less so with my 2nd by far, and then by #3 I really felt confident enough to just not give a hoot if someone was judging my discretion (and I do think I am quite discreet, but that's somewhat easier based on my smaller cup size and love of nursing tanks).

 

So then people would say that's why a woman should use a bathroom or lounge where they'd be more comfortable.  I really dislike that argument as well, but tackling it from a practical standpoint (besides obvious hygiene and other issues), what do you do with any other kids you have?  Lock them in a stall with you?  Leave every older kid event and take all of them with you so you can BF? 

 

 

[Ellie]

See, I nursed my babies everywhere I went but I was certainly never "nude." I dressed such that I could carefully lift my top and plug in the baby. :-) People would notice unless they were staring at me in the first place.

[mommymilkies]

Most new moms aren't a big fan of showing off the wrinkly skin, lingering linea negra, and busting with milk boobs.  I don't know anyone who purposefully tries to be indiscreet.  But some kids really can't take too much discretion.  My 3rd felt suffocated with blankets-literally drenched with sweat, even in winter, hyperventilating.  So I stopped using them.  You can't see as much breastfeeding as I see on people walking down the street of all ages, genders, and religions.  I think people worried on discretion need to just stop looking and get a life. 

 

FWIW, I've never been out of the country.  But I do have pictures of friends in various countries breastfeeding in public.  Nobody seems to bat an eye.

 

[marbel]

It really makes me sad to see women going to great efforts to cover up when nursing.  Though I do remember visiting a male friend when I had an infant, and noted that he did not look at me at all when I was nursing my baby.   

 

I wore clothes that were easy to nurse in without exposing anything.  Once the baby was on, everything was covered so people couldn't even tell.  I can remember many times when people would come up to me, and say "oh, the baby's sleeping" when actually he or she was nursing.  It's so  much more obvious when women put tents up around themselves.

[maize]

Europe and Latin America both seem to be more open to public breastfeeding than the US (though I saw a lot more bottle feeding in Europe, women who did breastfeed did not seem to be self-conscious about it).

 

Americans have really, really strange attitudes towards breastfeeding. 

[Ellie]

 

Americans have really, really strange attitudes towards breastfeeding. 

 

No kidding. One of my friends at church was horrified at the thought of my nursing in public and suggested that I should go into the church bathroom. I told her I was pretty sure that *she* would not like eating in a stall in a public restroom and that my baby wouldn't like it, either. Sheesh.

[Laura Corin]

I think that people in Britain do try to cover up a bit, but it's not a big deal if it all comes apart.

 

L

[poppy]

I stink at searching these forums. I know this general topic has been discussed before but I can't find what I'm looking for.  :o

 

I was reading a Facebook thread this morning and jumped into the discussion about discreet nursing. Some have expressed the opinion that women (particularly Christian women) should be sensitive to the fact that not everyone wants to view public nudity.

 

Is this concept a primarily "American" thing? Do many other cultures of the world have this hang up about breastfeeding? I'm curious to hear about other cultures and how they view this.

 

I did see the photo essay that Lisa in Italy posted.

 

Any education on other cultures would be received with gratitude. :)

 

Can't eyeroll hard enough at that. I never noticed anyone publicly breastfeeding before I had kids.  Now that I'm more aware of it, I see it once in a while. I have never once in my life seen "public nudity". I've seen open nursing (meaning no cover, not in a hidden area) in college towns, in music fests, on the beach and other places where you'd except less discretion than the typical middle aged mom. Even then, it's moms with a baby under a shirt or with a baby hugged tight covering the breast.  You'd have to be looking pretty hard to call that public nudity.

 

 

[Amira]

I don't think public nudity applies with breastfeeding.  But even if I did, I'm still not sure where people are apparently seeing all these women who are breastfeeding "indecently."  I've seen lots of women breastfeeding in many parts of the US and have never seen anything that could even remotely be considered nudity.  

 

I've seen lots of Muslim women in various countries breastfeeding in public.  It's normal and I find it a little ironic that some religious people in the US get so hung up about it. Once you get south of the US border, breastfeeding is more open and not self-conscious.  I always liked hanging out with Latinas when I was breastfeeding because no one ever got uncomfortable.

[regentrude]

I'm from Germany, and I don't get the issue. I mean, women do not usually take off their top to nurse; you lift your shirt. So, there really is not a lot to see in the first place. If baby wiggles or has trouble latching on, there may be a fleeting glimpse of boob, but only somebody who is rudely staring at the nursing mother is even going to notice.

I personally found specifically designed "nursing shirts" with designated slits and flaps much more exposing than simply lifting  up a normal T-shirt. Special nursing covers just draw attention to the fact that somebody is nursing.

 

I have breastfed my kids in all kinds of places. I never got any stupid comments about it.

 

If people really get bent out of shape, but this hat for baby:

http://jezebel.com/5882886/the-very-best-hat-for-a-breast-feeding-baby

 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/128852091/handmade-crochet-boob-beanie-breast?ref=related-0

[T'smom]

Breastfeeding is hardly public nudity. When I nurse in public, I do use one of those covers that ties around the neck. I'm not as concerned about covering up my breasts as my belly. The baby mostly covers my breast.

 

I don't think pulling your shirt up is any more modest than pulling the neckline down! I'd rather pull the neckline down, but that would never work for me because of how big my chest is. Maybe if I bought a low enough neckline, but it's hard enough just finding shirts that fit.

 

I was at a zoo recently that had a "nursing mother's nest". There was a room that only mom's and small children were supposed to go in. Then, inside that room, they had 3 dressing room-like areas. I thought that was overkill, assuming that not only should the moms have their own room, but they needed to be closed off from each other. It did occur to me that I wouldn't be able to use the room if my dh hadn't been with me to have the other kids. I needed to nurse 3 times while we were there and one time there was a line! It was air conditioned though, so I waited! It was really, really nice to have a cool place to nurse.

[Ellie]

I

 

If people really get bent out of shape, but this hat for baby:

http://jezebel.com/5882886/the-very-best-hat-for-a-breast-feeding-baby

 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/128852091/handmade-crochet-boob-beanie-breast?ref=related-0

 

I big pink puffy heart those hats. :laugh:

[SproutMamaK]

I was at a zoo recently that had a "nursing mother's nest". There was a room that only mom's and small children were supposed to go in. Then, inside that room, they had 3 dressing room-like areas. I thought that was overkill, assuming that not only should the moms have their own room, but they needed to be closed off from each other. It did occur to me that I wouldn't be able to use the room if my dh hadn't been with me to have the other kids. I needed to nurse 3 times while we were there and one time there was a line! It was air conditioned though, so I waited! It was really, really nice to have a cool place to nurse.

 

I big puffy heart those sorts of places right now. I have no problem breastfeeding in public and have done it with my older three, but this baby.... ugh. It has NOTHING to do with wanting to be "modest", this little girl just loves people. If there are people around and things going on, she'll be turned her head to she what's going on, smiling at people, yanking her mouth off if she thinks she's mising something. Basically, OW MY NIPPLES! Give me a quite, secluded, air conditioned room with no distractions (ie, other people) any day. Just don't expect me to LEAVE it. I may end up having a nap on the floor or something if she were to stay quiet enough for me to have the chance. ;)

[happypamama]

Honestly, I worry more about people seeing my tummy, which isn't exactly in flat shape after five babies, because much more of that shows than any breast. And I've nursed anywhere and everywhere in the past twelve years.

 

My favorite was when I was flying cross country with myself, 4yo DD, and 16mo old DS1. We were exhausted from traveling, and tired of traveling, and on our last leg of the flights, I had DD next to the window, and DS1 on my lap; he and I were in the middle seat, with an older gentleman on my other side. I was trying to entertain my daughter, while holding onto my son, while trying not to fall asleep myself because I was so tired. I was trying to nurse my son in the tiny airplane seat without him kicking anyone or without me flashing everyone. The nice man next to me was so gracious and kind; he said he remembered his wife nursing his daughters and all, and he was just so reassuring. I've never had a negative comment, but positive ones are always appreciated!

[HelenNotOfTroy]

I find that there are two schools of thought on public breastfeeding. Both are centered on the same topic, but one would be fine with itsy bitsy bikini tops if everything is attractive while the other thinks that even a low cut top shows too much. I want to have another baby just so I can breastfeed everywhere, without a cover, and talk loudly about what I am doing. But only because I am annoyed by these points of view.

[displace]

The only times I've had comments about NIP were at churches. It definitely gave me a poor opinion of the churches, and wonder what they really felt about children, family, etc.

[Tangerine]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6

 

I love these.

[jaderbee]

When our friends lived in Mali (right before and during the coup in fact) she learned that in that culture breasts are utilitarian. Backs are sexy. :)

[maize]

The only times I've had comments about NIP were at churches. It definitely gave me a poor opinion of the churches, and wonder what they really felt about children, family, etc.

It's not just churches, women have been confronted in all kinds of public places--restaurants, stores, etc. Some states have passed laws specifying that breastfeeding in public is legal and does not constitute public indecency. The fact that a law is required is what is really telling. Rational people need to unite and let it be known loud and clear that decency and modesty are non-issues when it comes to feeding a child. Breast milk is natural food for young humans, it is what they are designed to feed on, it comes from a breast, a structure which exists primarily to produce milk for human young, just as the mammary glands of all mammals do. Bringing the breast and the child in contact is in no way an act of indecency to be hidden from the view of other humans. Yes, there are natural functions which are socially expected to be kept private--primarily elimination and sex. EATING is not a private matter in our society, in fact it is often among the most social of activities. Why should babies have a different set of rules?

[AndyJoy]

Breastfeeding is hardly public nudity. When I nurse in public, I do use one of those covers that ties around the neck. I'm not as concerned about covering up my breasts as my belly. The baby mostly covers my breast.

 

I don't think pulling your shirt up is any more modest than pulling the neckline down! I'd rather pull the neckline down, but that would never work for me because of how big my chest is. Maybe if I bought a low enough neckline, but it's hard enough just finding shirts that fit.

 

I was at a zoo recently that had a "nursing mother's nest". There was a room that only mom's and small children were supposed to go in. Then, inside that room, they had 3 dressing room-like areas. I thought that was overkill, assuming that not only should the moms have their own room, but they needed to be closed off from each other. It did occur to me that I wouldn't be able to use the room if my dh hadn't been with me to have the other kids. I needed to nurse 3 times while we were there and one time there was a line! It was air conditioned though, so I waited! It was really, really nice to have a cool place to nurse.

In the early months I wore my Bella Band to keep my tummy covered while pulling up my shirt. I highly recommended them!

 

Neither of my babies tolerated a cover past the first couple months. They would squirm and scream and grab it so I stopped trying. With baby #2 I only used it a bit at church while I was getting the hang of nursing her because she was born in 110+ degree weather! Out and about in town or at the park I skipped the cover.

 

I would like the separate nursing stalls as an option because both of my kids went through a super-distractable phase where any other visual stimulus would cause them to pop off and twist around to see. Often a boring changing room was the only place I could nurse them while out shopping.

 

I've been to an awesome shopping mall with a family lounge that included 1) curtained stalls with armchairs for feeding, 2) toys, a couch, and TV for waiting dads and kids, 3) a kid-height toilet in the same room with a regular one, 4) individual sinks next to each of three changing counters, 5) and a microwave and bottle warmer!

[maize]

By the way, I have no objection to women choosing to breastfeed in private or with a cover if that is most comfortable for them (and I totally get the distracted baby issues that sometimes crop up as well). I just don't think there should be outside pressure for women to cover up or feel self-conscious about breastfeeding.

[poppy]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6

 

I love these.

 

It's been years but every time I see photos like that my breasts ache a little.  Not in a bad way. Just remembering, I guess.

[elinnea]

My DH is German and our two DS's were born in Germany.  I felt comfortable breastfeeding everywhere, even though bottle feeding seems to be the more popular choice.  Most people would *try* breastfeeding for three months and then switch to bottle so it was a little unusual to breastfeed for longer than that but I never felt any negativity.  My MIL never bf'ed DH or SIL so she was a bit shocked that one could bf for longer than six months.  

[busymama7]

Many of your have mentioned that you can't see as much as in a bikini or that nursing moms aren't out to flash everyone. I just wanted to say that it depends ;) I have seen many many mom around me who wear something like a sundress and pull it all the ways down to pop their breast out the top. There isn't anything that can't be seen. Breast nipple etc and the whole time the baby is feeding. I think that's what some people get uptight about. It is definitely nudity. Not sexual no. But nudity.

 

Most people assume that those advocating for discreet nursing mean with a cover. That's not my experience at all. Like I said I rarely rarely use a cover for all the reasons mentioned and I have NEVER in 17 years gotten so much as a glance in negativity. (I'm LDS too so hang around with a whole lot of very conservative people LOL). But I am always reasonably covered.

 

There are many moms who nurse around me FULLY exposed. *I* don't care. But I see how it's just too much for many people.

 

But then I see historical images and I realize that is exactly how those mamas are nursing. As well as what I've heard about below the border. And then I'm back to is cultural and maybe we just need to get over it ;)

[Mrs Mungo]

One of my kids was born in California and the other two in Germany. It wasn't a big deal to lift my shirt a bit and nurse in any of those places. I have breatfed all over the place and nobody has every said anything to me.

[Lanny]

This is one of my wife's pet peeves. She still has not forgotten, and occasionally mentions, about when DD was 6 months old and we were on a Delta flight, from Atlanta to Las Vegas. The flight left Atlanta about 10 P.M.  My wife was being very discreet. One of the Delta Air Lines Flight Attendants (she was probably someone who was not a mother or married or would ever be married or  a mother and who considered children to be "rug rats") was quite upset. My wife believes that Americans should get their priorities straight. Drug use in the USA is "normal" but breastfeeding discreetly is not?

[mommymilkies]

Many of your have mentioned that you can't see as much as in a bikini or that nursing moms aren't out to flash everyone. I just wanted to say that it depends ;) I have seen many many mom around me who wear something like a sundress and pull it all the ways down to pop their breast out the top. There isn't anything that can't be seen. Breast nipple etc and the whole time the baby is feeding. I think that's what some people get uptight about. It is definitely nudity. Not sexual no. But nudity.

 

Most people assume that those advocating for discreet nursing mean with a cover. That's not my experience at all. Like I said I rarely rarely use a cover for all the reasons mentioned and I have NEVER in 17 years gotten so much as a glance in negativity. (I'm LDS too so hang around with a whole lot of very conservative people LOL). But I am always reasonably covered.

 

There are many moms who nurse around me FULLY exposed. *I* don't care. But I see how it's just too much for many people.

 

But then I see historical images and I realize that is exactly how those mamas are nursing. As well as what I've heard about below the border. And then I'm back to is cultural and maybe we just need to get over it ;)

Must be who you're around!  I've bf 111 months and been part of two AP groups and a LLL and never saw that sort of thing.  But I probably wouldn't stare long enough to check out what all I could see, or care if I saw it. 

[busymama7]

Must be who you're around! I've bf 111 months and been part of two AP groups and a LLL and never saw that sort of thing. But I probably wouldn't stare long enough to check out what all I could see, or care if I saw it.

It's true :) I DO live in vegas... LOL!

 

And I'm not staring :/. It's impossible to miss. I think honestly some are doing it to make a point and it's why I'm skeptical about all the outrage over moms being asked to cover up. If they were nursing like that I can see why someone might say something. So since I'm never there to judge for myself and I've seen so much of the fully exposed kind of nursing in public I reserve judgement.

[Tangerine]

I have seen plenty of out the top nursing as well.  I just don't think any good will come of policing how women can nurse.  I would like to see a cultural shift away from shaming public breastfeeding of any sort.  I would like to see nursing mothers everywhere.  Common and normal.

[Mrs Mungo]

I have seen plenty of out the top nursing as well. I just don't think any good will come of policing how women can nurse. I would like to see a cultural shift away from shaming public breastfeeding of any sort. I would like to see nursing mothers everywhere. Common and normal.

I agree. When breastfeeding was more common, then it was normalized. There wasn't this push to make women cover up.

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6?s=mobile

[mommymilkies]

It's true :) I DO live in vegas... LOL!

 

And I'm not staring :/. It's impossible to miss. I think honestly some are doing it to make a point and it's why I'm skeptical about all the outrage over moms being asked to cover up. If they were nursing like that I can see why someone might say something. So since I'm never there to judge for myself and I've seen so much of the fully exposed kind of nursing in public I reserve judgement.

:lol:   Breastfeeding is very uncommon where I live, so I don't see breastfeeding often, but even in LLL I never saw that.  Well, once in the hospital with a new mom friend who was so confused over how to breastfeed. LOL  But I told her to so I could help her.

[busymama7]

I have seen plenty of out the top nursing as well. I just don't think any good will come of policing how women can nurse. I would like to see a cultural shift away from shaming public breastfeeding of any sort. I would like to see nursing mothers everywhere. Common and normal.

I don't think anyone is or could police it. The laws are the laws. In NV and elsewhere it specifically states even if the breast is exposed it is perfectly legal. And yes we do need a cultural shift. I just wonder if putting it all out there (literally!) is the best way to encourage a cultural shift. Maybe it is. Maybe repeat exposure is just what people need to get over it. I kinda lean towards a slower approach. Which is nursing openly, no cover, no hiding, no shame but without total exposure too. Maybe warm the public up? I don't know maybe it's past that now since really no one has every cared about me nursing like that for nearly 2 decades.

[T'smom]

This is one of my wife's pet peeves. She still has not forgotten, and occasionally mentions, about when DD was 6 months old and we were on a Delta flight, from Atlanta to Las Vegas. The flight left Atlanta about 10 P.M. My wife was being very discreet. One of the Delta Air Lines Flight Attendants (she was probably someone who was not a mother or married or would ever be married or a mother and who considered children to be "rug rats") was quite upset. My wife believes that Americans should get their priorities straight. Drug use in the USA is "normal" but breastfeeding discreetly is not?

Drug use is hardly "normal" in the US. Do you honestly think that someone could sit in an airplane seat and be shooting up and the flight attendant wouldn't say anything?

[ocelotmom]

In the early months I wore my Bella Band to keep my tummy covered while pulling up my shirt. I highly recommended them!

 

I've also heard of taking a tank top or layering t-shirt, cutting slits in appropriate locations, and wearing that under another shirt. I may try it when the weather cools enough to allow for comfortable layering.

 

So then people would say that's why a woman should use a bathroom or lounge where they'd be more comfortable.  I really dislike that argument as well, but tackling it from a practical standpoint (besides obvious hygiene and other issues), what do you do with any other kids you have?  Lock them in a stall with you?  Leave every older kid event and take all of them with you so you can BF? 

 

You know, a lot of the time I'd quite happily go to a comfortable, quiet lounge to nurse. I've been known to search out Nordstroms at malls because they have lounges attached to their restrooms. Most places don't have them, though. I can't imagine anyone reasonably calling a typical public restroom a comfortable place to nurse, physically or mentally.

[maize]

Historically, at least based on what I have seen, women didn't breastfeed by pulling up a shirt. They either unbuttoned their dress/blouse, or pulled down a lower cut top. I tend to pull up my shirt because I wear t-shirts and that is what works best, but I actually think that the more exposed breast methods of bf'ing should be normalized. The breast exists to feed babies, it should not be seen as shameful when observed put to its proper use.

[maize]

Though there must be cultures where the pulling-up method was more normal. I'm thinking of all the traditionally dressed Mayan women I saw in Guatemala, wearing a wraparound skirt and huipil blouse. The only way to breastfeed would be to pull up the blouse, I'm actually surprised I never observed it, women had babies on their backs all the time...unfortunately formula has been marketed aggressively among third world populations, it has terrible consequences from a sanitation and nutrition standpoint :(

[Matryoshka]

I personally found specifically designed "nursing shirts" with designated slits and flaps much more exposing than simply lifting  up a normal T-shirt. Special nursing covers just draw attention to the fact that somebody is nursing.

 

I have breastfed my kids in all kinds of places. I never got any stupid comments about it.

 

LOL - I think it depends on your personal anatomy.  For me, those shirts with the nursing slits were a lifesaver - I had waaay too much real-estate to cover.  Lifting a shirt would have exposed quite a bit (and while pulling down would have spared people the belly-rolls, it would have given an even wider view of immense boobage).  With the nursing shirts, I could nurse anywhere and no one ever noticed.  Right out in open in the mall, in restaurants at the table, on park benches, at a wedding, you name it.  And I never used a cover of any kind (my babies would have hated that, and I think it just draws attention rather than "hiding" anything).

 

I'm very happy those of you of normal size can nurse discreetly by lifting/dropping a tank - but when you're an H+ cup with a postpartum twin belly to boot, there's just no way to lift or pull down anything without popping out everywhere - don't care how 'low cut' the tops are (and I have no problem with low cut shirts or cleavage). I also couldn't nurse discreetly in a sling (which works great for many people) with my post-baby physique. So don't dis the nursing shirts ;) - for some people, they're da bomb.

 

I also never got any comments about nursing publicly in all kinds of places. 

 

To me, "discreet" just means not calling attention to yourself.  Not covering up with a baby-burka, and not exposing yards of flesh.  Then no one even notices the random inevitable nipple-flash, because usually no one's even looking. :)

 

[La Condessa]

I've gradually gotten more comfortable with each baby with nursing without a cover in public, and really wish our country were more normal about it. In general I'm all for women being able to feed their babies wherever without anyone caring. There was one time, though, when a mom at a public library chose a prominent seat, opened her shirt all the way, then pulled up her toddler to eat-- and then proceeded to stare defiantly at anyone who glanced in her direction the entire time she was nursing while keeping her shirt wide open. I found that really uncomfortable because it was very clear that she wasn't just feeding her kid in a comfortable, open way; she was obviously doing it in that spot and way just to prove a point. She even made an obscene gesture at someone who made a face and turned away.

[Mrs Mungo]

I've gradually gotten more comfortable with each baby with nursing without a cover in public, and really wish our country were more normal about it. In general I'm all for women being able to feed their babies wherever without anyone caring. There was one time, though, when a mom at a public library chose a prominent seat, opened her shirt all the way, then pulled up her toddler to eat-- and then proceeded to stare defiantly at anyone who glanced in her direction the entire time she was nursing while keeping her shirt wide open. I found that really uncomfortable because it was very clear that she wasn't just feeding her kid in a comfortable, open way; she was obviously doing it in that spot and way just to prove a point. She even made an obscene gesture at someone who made a face and turned away.

If breastfeeding was completely normalized, then nobody would feel a need to make a scene either way. Normalizing breastfeeding does away with scenes like that. It doesn't encourage them.

[maize]

That actually makes me think of a whole 'nother can of worms. The toddler was nursing. That fact that it was at toddler may have had more to do with the stares than the wide open shirt.

Another can of worms that should be a non-issue.

[FaithManor]

Drug use is hardly "normal" in the US. Do you honestly think that someone could sit in an airplane seat and be shooting up and the flight attendant wouldn't say anything?

Actually, yes I can. She or he would have no idea how the drug addict would react and riling such a person up in flight would be really bad! The attendent would probably call airport security to let them know to be ready when the plane landed.

 

There have been cases in which women have been put off flights before they left the gate because a passenger complained about bfeeding. In many of these cases the complaint had nothing to do with what the person could see, but simply disgust at the act itself..."It makes the other customers upset to know what you are doing." Hence states creating laws to proitect bfeeding mothers.

 

The flight attendent would not consider the drug use normal, per se. But hassling the bfeeding mother has very little consequence unlike the potential with the druggie. I hate to say it, I know people who would actually be more uptight about the bfeeding than the heroin use in their presence which is a really, really sad commentary on the mind set of some people in my microculture!

[Farrar]

It's nigh on impossible to breastfeed twins "discreetly." Basically, my options were...

 

1. feed one while the other screamed bloody murder (because I'm sure that's discreet)

2. never go out ever

3. be indiscreet

 

I chose option three.

 

I admit that I have had to train myself to get over the opposite prejudice though.  Everyone in my close circle just didn't worry much about being discreet.  I always felt really weird when people had those really elaborate hoop cloth things (no way would my kids have tolerated them anyway...  and I don't think they made a double one besides...) and I always felt...  I don't know...  sort of annoyed.  Like, what is wrong with you?  And then I had a friend from way back who I visited with her new baby at her house.  Her dh said she was upstairs feeding the baby, I went up, she screamed bloody murder at me because she was so appalled that anyone would presume to walk in on someone breastfeeding.  Eeek.  I had no idea.  Anyway...  I had to sort of retrain myself to be less judgey about it.  Covering up above and beyond what was quick and easy wasn't right for me, but everyone gets to make their own decisions on the matter.  It's their bodies after all.

[momto10blessings]

Historically, at least based on what I have seen, women didn't breastfeed by pulling up a shirt. They either unbuttoned their dress/blouse, or pulled down a lower cut top. I tend to pull up my shirt because I wear t-shirts and that is what works best, but I actually think that the more exposed breast methods of bf'ing should be normalized. The breast exists to feed babies, it should not be seen as shameful when observed put to its proper use.

I'll admit to being quite uncomfortable when women have their entire breast out to nurse. I wish it wasn't that way and that it was normal. And I've nursed 8 babies for over a year each... Strange how that works.

 

Eta: I don't use a cover, I lift my shirt up discreetly. I have tons of friends/family who do the same. I have a few who pull their shirts down from the top or open their blouses and it just makes me blush a little. Why? I've no idea. We're all doing the same thing. I don't make a scene or say anything, but it is a little awkward. I really wish it wasn't.

[T'smom]

Actually, yes I can. She or he would have no idea how the drug addict would react and riling such a person up in flight would be really bad! The attendent would probably call airport security to let them know to be ready when the plane landed.

 

There have been cases in which women have been put off flights before they left the gate because a passenger complained about bfeeding. In many of these cases the complaint had nothing to do with what the person could see, but simply disgust at the act itself..."It makes the other customers upset to know what you are doing." Hence states creating laws to proitect bfeeding mothers.

 

The flight attendent would not consider the drug use normal, per se. But hassling the bfeeding mother has very little consequence unlike the potential with the druggie. I hate to say it, I know people who would actually be more uptight about the bfeeding than the heroin use in their presence which is a really, really sad commentary on the mind set of some people in my microculture!

I guess what I meant when I said "saying something", was "doing something". I would expect the flight attendant to notify the authorities, not to accost the person.

 

While I am sure that breastfeeding women have been harassed on airplanes, I have nursed infants on airplanes and no one has ever said anything to me. If I was asked to get off an airplane because I was nursing, I would absolutely raise hell and the airline would hear from my lawyer!

[BarbecueMom]

The only somewhat negative-ish comments about nursing in public have been from people saying things like, "Oh no, you don't need to cover that baby up! Breastfeeding is normal, and he'll be too hot under there!"

 

Um, I know all that, and normally I don't bother, but it's 96 degrees and sunny and he'll have half a sunburned face if I don't give the poor kid a little shade. Or the one time when the wind was gusting up his nose at the park.

 

Other than that, we've nursed everywhere and anywhere and no one has even given me a second glance.

[Tangerine]

I don't think anyone is or could police it. The laws are the laws. In NV and elsewhere it specifically states even if the breast is exposed it is perfectly legal. And yes we do need a cultural shift. I just wonder if putting it all out there (literally!) is the best way to encourage a cultural shift. Maybe it is. Maybe repeat exposure is just what people need to get over it. I kinda lean towards a slower approach. Which is nursing openly, no cover, no hiding, no shame but without total exposure too. Maybe warm the public up? I don't know maybe it's past that now since really no one has every cared about me nursing like that for nearly 2 decades.

 

What I mean when I say "policing how they breastfeed" is what happens in conversations like these.  The lists of "it's fine if..."  It's ok IF they cover up, they can do it IF they don't call attention to themselves, IF they use a cover up, IF they take the breast out the bottom and not out the top, IF they sit out of the way and not right there with everyone else.  That's what I mean by policing how women breastfeed.  The litany of requirements to make every particular passerby comfortable. Not the literal police.

[Whereneverever]

Serious question- in a sundress how do you breastfeed without pulling it down? I guess you could lift it from the bottom...

[poppy]

If breastfeeding was completely normalized, then nobody would feel a need to make a scene either way. Normalizing breastfeeding does away with scenes like that. It doesn't encourage them.

Bingo.

 

It's not a big deal unless the people who are *opposed* to it make it a big deal. If you fight it, you scare some women away and make the feisty ones act up .