The catch-all Ask A __ thread (for fun)

[Jennifer132]

Why and for whom did you do this?

I did it because I saw a dear friend hurting and knew I was in a position to help. I had had two easy pregnancies and deliveries, and my insurance would cover a surrogate pregnancy. I had the family support to do it, so I offered, and they accepted. I did the first surrogacy for a friend from my bible study group, and the second for a friend who I had met through the first friend. I delivered b/g twins for the first couple and a singleton boy for the second.

[Ameena]

I chose to live with my sister. I had three brothers older than we two. She was 8 years older than I. My siblings raised me because my mother lost work ability a few years before she died due to chronicle lung disease which eventually caused her death.

 

I have a questions for people whose mom died when they were in their late 20's to late 40's. How did it feel? I believe the grief is very different for a child from an adult who lost a parent.

 We lost my mom 13 months ago - I was 28. It's been bittersweet. I'm happy she isn't in pain anymore & having to deal with a ton of medical issues, but I MISS HER. I miss her advice, her lessons in how to cook, using her as a sounding board, and having backup with dd. Mom was my closest friend. With mom gone, DD & I truely are an island - we don't keep in touch with any other family really, so it's just the two of us.

[lovinmomma]

Ask a survivor of virgin rape....

Ask a preacher's kid from a well-known church/family (in our area) that became a divorcee... 

Ask an adult with ADHD...

Ask a messy person... :)

[Onceuponatime]

A

 B?

[lovinmomma]

 B?

 

LOL I'm still not sure how I published that post. I swear I hadn't even pushed a button before it decided to go to the next screen.... so strange

[JadeOrchidSong]

I did it because I saw a dear friend hurting and knew I was in a position to help. I had had two easy pregnancies and deliveries, and my insurance would cover a surrogate pregnancy. I had the family support to do it, so I offered, and they accepted. I did the first surrogacy for a friend from my bible study group, and the second for a friend who I had met through the first friend. I delivered b/g twins for the first couple and a singleton boy for the second.

Now what is your relationship like with these children and their parents?

[Truscifi]

You know I have thoroughly enjoyed all the ask a threads, including this one yet still can't think of any that pertain to me lol  But it is fun to learn so much about others.

 

Me either. Maybe Ask a black belt? Ask a parent who had 2 kids pretty far apart? I doubt anyone cares about stuff like that, lol!

[Truscifi]

I'm an insomniac and a brunette, too, so at least you've got company! :)

 

Another brunette insomniac here. :seeya:

[Guest]

I was a child when my mother died, so my memory of her is one of a child of a very sick, immobile mother. In fact, I took care of her in the last few years by cooking meals, shopping, and washing clothes for her. I even put her to bed before I could sleep by giving her back massage to help her relax and relieve pain.

Wow, this is certainly not ideal, but this is a very touching image in my mind. I am so sorry you went through this!

[Guest]

I'm thinking we need a writers' circle social group. Anyone want to start one?

I think there was one, or sorta. I can't think of the member's name...I can picture her avi, but not her name!

[Jennifer132]

Now what is your relationship like with these children and their parents?

When we lived in the same state (we moved 3 years ago), we saw each other a couple times a week (bible study and playdates). Now, we mostly connect via FB and emails. They do send pictures as well. The kid's are 5 (twins) and 3. So they are too young to know what surrogacy means. My kids call the parents of the first couple aunt and uncle. Their kids probably don't remember me since they were really young when we moved. I have never asked if they talk about me with them or what I did. It doesnt matter to me if they do or not. If they do, great! If not, thats their choice too. Overall, the relationship is good, no real issues.

[lovinmomma]

I cried for months and years. But it has been 31 years. I didn't share a long life with my mother anyway. My sister died 14 years ago. I miss her very very much because I shared life with her much longer. It is such a pity that she didn't get to see my boys.

 

I believe that the longer you share life with your mom, the more you would miss her when she's gone. You have more memory built in those years. I was a child when my mother died, so my memory of her is one of a child of a very sick, immobile mother. In fact, I took care of her in the last few years by cooking meals, shopping, and washing clothes for her. I even put her to bed before I could sleep by giving her back massage to help her relax and relieve pain.

 

:( I'm so sorry. Do you have many/any memories of her from when she wasn't sick? Were you old enough to have had memories of that?

 

My dh lost his mother very tragically at 17ish. It effects him and our relationship on probably a daily basis.

[ElizabethB]

Ask a phonics tutor. (20 years now. I have tutored adults, children, inner city, homeless, middle class, you name it.)

 

Other than that, I am pretty boring, although I did make it to Judo nationals in college after only doing Judo for a year and a half, my gymnastics background was really helpful. I got my butt kicked at nationals, though.

[ElizabethB]

Ask a normal person.

You aren't normal, you are one of those crazy homeschoolers!! :)

[TexasMomma]

Ask a military spouse (well DH is retired now)

 

Ask someone whose DH had a vasectomy then a reversal

 

Ask someone who uses cloth diapers

 

That's all I've got lol

[SeaConquest]

Ask a liveaboard sailor.

Ask an Army vet.

Ask a Stanford grad.

Ask a college football fanatic.

Ask a wine snob.

Ask a [retired] lawyer.

Ask the mentally ill (bipolar). 

Those last two are likely related. :)

 

[SKL]

Ask a liveaboard sailor.

Ask an Army vet.

Ask a Stanford grad.

Ask a college football fanatic.

Ask a wine snob.

Ask a [retired] lawyer.

Ask the mentally ill (bipolar). 

Those last two are likely related. :)

 

LOL, that could explain a few things in my life!  ;)

 

ETA, I probably should not have said LOL, but I have been wondering about a few things lately!

[JadeOrchidSong]

:( I'm so sorry. Do you have many/any memories of her from when she wasn't sick? Were you old enough to have had memories of that?

 

My dh lost his mother very tragically at 17ish. It effects him and our relationship on probably a daily basis.

No. She was sick even before I was born. She couldn't walk (slowly) more than 100 feet before she would have to rest. I am sure she would have had a wheelchair if there had been those thing available back then.

[AngelaNYC]

Mine would be:

 

Ask a mom of a semi-professional dance teen.

Ask a (former) community theater/cabaret actress/singer

Ask a cradle-Catholic

Ask a wife to a rock band lead singer

 

 

[ChristusG]

Ask a missionary kid.

Ask a PS inner-city teacher/counselor of 17 years.

Ask an only child.

Ask an adoptive mom.

Ask an adopted adult.

Ask a mom of an Aspie teen.

About adoption....how did you go about it? I've been thinking about adopting, have mentioned it to DH before, and I'm thinking about mentioning it to him again soon. I've researched....but there is SO MUCH STUFF out there. I have no idea what's legit, what's good, what's bad, where to begin, etc. I have no clue whether we'd want international vs domestic. One strike against me is the fact that I don't fly....so I wouldn't be able to physically GO to another country. Any advice?

[Ameena]

Me either. Maybe Ask a black belt? Ask a parent who had 2 kids pretty far apart? I doubt anyone cares about stuff like that, lol!

 

I'd be interested in the bolded :) How far apart are we talking? What was your experience? Was it different with #2 that with #1? How did your older take the news of the coming baby? Advice for someone considering it?

[Hunter's Moon]

Ask a student who home-educated themselves for 11th and 12th grade

 

Ask a married, 20-year-old who is a full-time student and full-time worker

 

 

[lovinmomma]

No. She was sick even before I was born. She couldn't walk (slowly) more than 100 feet before she would have to rest. I am sure she would have had a wheelchair if there had been those thing available back then.

 

I think that would be really hard. I'm sorry for all that you have been through. Thank you for being open to sharing!

[Slojo]

Ask someone who lives in a co-housing community.

 

Ask someone who works from home and homeschools.

 

Ask someone who has had a homebirth (2 actually)

 

 

 

[lovinmomma]

Ask someone who lives in a co-housing community.

 

Ask someone who works from home and homeschools.

 

Ask someone who has had a homebirth (2 actually)

 

Hmmm... what do you mean by the bolded? I'm not sure I understand.

[Jackie]

Ask a Suzuki music teacher.

My turning-4-year-old has been taking violin lessons for a few months. My child is stubborn and silly and really does love the violin. The teacher is educated but young and not a parent (no "mom voice") and despite trying every trick she knows can not redirect my daughter. When is it helpful for me to redirect and when am I interfering?

[Jackie]

I don't have much...

 

Ask a former child protection worker/supervisor?

Ask a parent who swore she'd never be a parent?

Ask a liberal living in the Bible Belt?

[shage]

I chose to live with my sister. I had three brothers older than we two. She was 8 years older than I. My siblings raised me because my mother lost work ability a few years before she died due to chronicle lung disease which eventually caused her death.

 

I have a questions for people whose mom died when they were in their late 20's to late 40's. How did it feel? I believe the grief is very different for a child from an adult who lost a parent.

 

I lost my mom at age 37, almost 6 years ago.

 

I still miss her.  Especially on my birthday when she was always the first to call.

 

The hardest part was the loss to our family as a whole.  She was the glue that kept us connected and especially kept us connected to our father.  I don't think any of us realized how much our relationship with our dad was really our relationship with our dad through her.  Not sure that makes any sense.  But the gist is that the loss was not just losing her, it was losing our family as we knew it.

[JadeOrchidSong]

I lost my mom at age 37, almost 6 years ago.

 

I still miss her. Especially on my birthday when she was always the first to call.

 

The hardest part was the loss to our family as a whole. She was the glue that kept us connected and especially kept us connected to our father. I don't think any of us realized how much our relationship with our dad was really our relationship with our dad through her. Not sure that makes any sense. But the gist is that the loss was not just losing her, it was losing our family as we knew it.

That is why I always believe it is harder for an adult to lose a mother than a younger teen like me. I am so sorry for you. After Mom died, my third elder brother became the glue. He is the one even today. I am very thankful for him.

[Truscifi]

I'd be interested in the bolded :) How far apart are we talking? What was your experience? Was it different with #2 that with #1? How did your older take the news of the coming baby? Advice for someone considering it?

 

Just shy of 9 years apart. I had not intended to have more than one, but we were blessed with a surprise. I handled being pregnant and gestational diabetes better the second time around, but so far I remember toddlerhood being easier last time - I wasn't as tired! Ds10 is really good with his little brother, and he was happy about it until he realized it meant he didn't have me all to himself any more. He is still mostly happy about it though. Advice...it depends on the other kids involved. Ds10 always wanted a little brother so that made it easier for us.

[TexasMomma]

I'd be interested in the bolded :) How far apart are we talking? What was your experience? Was it different with #2 that with #1? How did your older take the news of the coming baby? Advice for someone considering it?

Not the OP, but my kids are 14, 13, 11, and 8 months so I've got close together and far apart!

 

I felt like a FTM all over again! I'd remember some things as I experienced them again, but I forgot a lot!!

 

My son, 14, was just ok with it. My girls were so excited! Once she arrived my son (and the girls) just became enamored with her. They argue over who gets to hold her, ect. It's so sweet.

[GailV]

 

 

Ask a person with a messy house who just doesn't notice dirt until she's frantically cleaning for company and then gets overwhelmed and becomes bitchy.

 

I can pretty much answer those questions myself. :rolleyes:

[swellmomma]

Ask a survivor of virgin rape....

Ask a preacher's kid from a well-known church/family (in our area) that became a divorcee... 

Ask an adult with ADHD...

Ask a messy person... :)

that one I wish I had to ask about to learn more

[musicianmom]

My turning-4-year-old has been taking violin lessons for a few months. My child is stubborn and silly and really does love the violin. The teacher is educated but young and not a parent (no "mom voice") and despite trying every trick she knows can not redirect my daughter. When is it helpful for me to redirect and when am I interfering?

I was taught that it's the teacher's job to manage the student in the lesson. The parent is there to learn from the teacher what to work on at home. However, all teachers may not have received that same style of training.

 

The biggest cause of interference from parents has been when I ask the child a yes/no question. I'm in the south, and parents just can't let it go if their kid forgets to say "ma'am." But it is seriously distracting when I'm in the zone with my teaching and the parent keeps interrupting with a stern "yes MA'AM" reminder.

 

In case of doubt, I would want the parent to ask me privately what I prefer. Something like, "Hey, I know Suzy gets distracted really easily. Do you want me to speak to her when she's getting silly or would you rather I stay quiet and let you handle it?"

 

I cringe when I think of the ways I dealt with students before I had my own kids! So I empathize with your teacher.

[lovinmomma]

that one I wish I had to ask about to learn more

 

I'm sorry. It's certainly not something that I'm happy I know about. :(     (((HUGS)))

[acablue]

Ask a homeschool dad.

Ask an adoptive dad.

Ask a gay dad.

Ask a stepdad.

Ask an over-extended youth sports coach. 

[IsabelC]

Sean (and any other dads reading), I'm very interested to know please, what kind of reactions you get as a home schooling dad. I have read that men who work as stay at home dads don't get much respect. But in my personal experience at home educating gatherings, any home schooling dads seem to be viewed almost as superheroes for doing the same work as home schooling mums do.

 

 

 

Slojo, I'd love to hear more about the cohousing community you live in. It's something that has always appealed to me in theory, however in practice I am extremely introverted and would probably find it a nightmare. 

[Heather in Neverland]

Ask an insomniac..

 

Ask a brunette...that's all I've got. :o

 

Fellow insomniac here.

 

Do you take any meds for sleeping? I do but I don't like it. Without meds though I would probably only sleep 2 hours a night. WIth meds I can sleep about 6 hours. I hate insomnia!

[lovinmomma]

Ask a homeschool dad.

Ask an adoptive dad.

Ask a gay dad.

Ask a stepdad.

Ask an over-extended youth sports coach. 

 

All 3 of our children are in the same grades. :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

Mine would be:

 

 

Ask a wife to a rock band lead singer

Ooooh

You get to be a groupie and it's ok with your dh! ;-)

[PrincessMommy]

I'm an insomniac and a brunette, too, so at least you've got company! :)

 

me 3!  I guess I do have something.  :)

[Hoot]

Ask a raw vegan.

 

[Carrie12345]

Ask a mom who averages 200 miles/wk in kid chauffeuring.
Ask a mom whose nearest Target is 30 miles away.
Ask a mom of near-Irish-twins. (I know that's a controversial term, but I like it, and I'm pretty Irish.)
Ask someone who doesn't really mind being in a high-reg homeschool state.

Ask a mom of a teenager who lives with the other biological parent.

Ask someone who is homeschooling while separated and working toward resolution.

Ask a "victim" of the real estate bubble in an area with no big recovery in sight. :tongue_smilie:

 

Ask someone who's very bored this morning, lol.

 

[swellmomma]

Ask a mom who averages 200 miles/wk in kid chauffeuring.

Ask a mom whose nearest Target is 30 miles away.

Ask a mom of near-Irish-twins. (I know that's a controversial term, but I like it, and I'm pretty Irish.)

Ask someone who doesn't really mind being in a high-reg homeschool state.

Ask a mom of a teenager who lives with the other biological parent.

Ask someone who is homeschooling while separated and working toward resolution.

Ask a "victim" of the real estate bubble in an area with no big recovery in sight. :tongue_smilie:

 

Ask someone who's very bored this morning, lol.

Hey I know some of these.  I average 100km a day between driving to and from work and kid chauffering, not sure how many miles a week that it is, but I bet it's a lot lol

 

My nearest target is 2 hours away.  I have irish twins.  Live in a high reg province. 

 

The rest I don't have know.  SO what is it like having your teen live away from you? How are things on the resolution front?

 

ETA: just fixing the distance I travel each day.  Apparently posting before my am coffee makes me think I drive twice as far as normal lol

[DawnM]

I wish I were the expert.  I am not, but I can give you some info.  (actually that is why I would never start a thread about "ask a...."
nor do I take the person starting a thread like this as the sole expert......)

 

Ok, now that that is off my chest.

 

We did adopt internationally (China) but only I travelled.  Many countries only require ONE adult to travel.  We just couldn't afford for both of us to go.  China requires only one.

 

Korea is one country I know of that does not require parents to travel and you can pay someone to bring the child here.  

 

There are many, many agencies.  We went through America World but there are some agencies (like Great Wall) that deal specifically in China.  Other agonies (Bethany comes to mind) deal heavily in Korea.  Some agencies are Christian based and only take professing Christians as parents.  Others are secular.

 

Tell you what......I will start a thread about it!  You can get other's perspectives and ideas as well as mine.

 

Can I tell you that my now 10 year old is the most amazing kid!  Everyone loves him.  He is just a great all around guy.  We have had him for almost 8 years.

 

Dawn

 

 

About adoption....how did you go about it? I've been thinking about adopting, have mentioned it to DH before, and I'm thinking about mentioning it to him again soon. I've researched....but there is SO MUCH STUFF out there. I have no idea what's legit, what's good, what's bad, where to begin, etc. I have no clue whether we'd want international vs domestic. One strike against me is the fact that I don't fly....so I wouldn't be able to physically GO to another country. Any advice?

 

[Carrie12345]

Hey I know some of these.  I average 200km a day between driving to and from work and kid chauffeuring, not sure how many miles a week that it is, but I bet it's a lot lol

 

My nearest target is 2 hours away.  I have irish twins.  Live in a high reg province. 

 

The rest I don't have know.  SO what is it like having your teen live away from you? How are things on the resolution front?

 

I *hate* having my teen away. But it has been an excellent exercise in relinquishing control. It probably took a full year to reach a point of acceptance, despite always knowing it would likely happen at some point.  (I've known lots of teenage boys who've made the switch.)

 

Separation/resolution is a tough process. The kids have been getting away with murder, school-wise, lol.  I know we had a thread a while back that labelled separation as childish, but it is the most adult work I've ever done.  People are complex.  Fitting complex people together can be very hard.

[JadeOrchidSong]

Only on rare occasions I thought, it would be nice to have someone backing me up here! Like when I was almost too sick to get out of bed, but needed to go shopping for milk (with 2 non-walking babies in tow, on a rainy night) because kids gotta eat. But I learned some tricks so that those moments were few and far between. And I remind myself that I save a lot of trouble by not having to negotiate with another adult about parenting decisions.

 

There are times when I wish I didn't have to constantly balance being the "fun parent" and the "strict parent." But on the other hand, it's probably more fun than being the "strict parent" all the time.

 

My girls' ages were 9mos and 12mos when they came home. (They both came into my custody at the same time.)

SKL,

I have a lot of respect for you for adopting internationally and raising two daughters. I'm sure they are a blessing to you too. Do you have your family such as your parents, siblings, and close friends they can hang out with?

[SKL]

SKL,

I have a lot of respect for you for adopting internationally and raising two daughters. I'm sure they are a blessing to you too. Do you have your family such as your parents, siblings, and close friends they can hang out with?

 

Yes, my kids are blessings like all kids.  :)

 

Most of my family lives about 1.5 hours drive from me.  My closest sister comes on Sundays and acts as their "nanny" for that day.  Sometimes she will take them for an overnight or several days over vacations, and since she lives very close to my parents and 2 other siblings, they hang out during those times.

 

I also have friends / business partners who spend time with my kids (spoiling them!).  They also have another part-time nanny who is from the part of the world where they were born, and we keep that connection so that they can learn about that heritage.  Nanny takes them to hang out with her extended family / friends circle at times.  So they are far from lonely.  ;)  Most importantly, they have each other pretty much 24/7.

 

[Pippen]

It's really hard putting myself out here like this, but here goes.

 

Ask the only American who hasn't been to Disney. :laugh:

[shage]

That is why I always believe it is harder for an adult to lose a mother than a younger teen like me. I am so sorry for you. After Mom died, my third elder brother became the glue. He is the one even today. I am very thankful for him.

 

Your response is oddly touching to me.  Thank you.