Ask someone who married young

[abba12]

Well gee, I just want to get in on the fun :p Most of my more interesting points either aren't up for public discussion or are too controversial, or have already been covered, but when I mentioned the ask a... trend to DH he pointed out my age (something I almost never think about anymore!)

 

I got engaged within 3 months of meeting DH, age 17 (he was 20). We got married 6 months later, 3 weeks after my 18th birthday, 3 weeks before his 21st birthday. Understandably enough, most people figured we wouldn't even last a year, and we heard all about how we didn't know who we were yet, and needed time to find ourselves, etc. Statistics say some crazy number of young marriages are over within 2 years. We are now close to our 5th anniversary, so while our marriage is still young by many standards, I think we have been together long enough that I can safely say we didn't turn out like many teenage marriages, and to say that our young marriage wasn't an immature mistake which broke as soon as hard times hit (and believe me, we've had our hard times in those 5 years)

 

We had our first daughter when I was 19, so I was a married teen mum, which meant the other teen mums didn't like me, and the older mums didn't like me either! I got pregnant about 9 months after getting married, so no shotgun wedding or honeymoon baby here. We are now expecting our third daughter very soon.

 

Oh, and our age had nothing to do with conservative courtship beliefs etc. DH was raised to believe in courtship, but his parents were actually the ones to disapprove of the marriage and refuse to give their blessing. My completely atheist parents handled things fairly well, and I didn't become a christian until just before we got engaged.

 

 

[twoxcell]

You are not alone. I got Married when I was 18 and half, and had my first baby a little over a year later at 19 and a half. My dh is 9 years older than I am though. We will be having our 12 year anniversary June 1st! :) I always seem to be one of the youngest moms with similar aged children, but I am more used to it now.

[Xuzi]

Do I count? lol. Met dh when I was 19, got married two months after I turned 20. He was 25 when we met and and was still 25 when we married. (Yes, it was fast. lol) First kid wasn't until I was 22.

 

Eta: we'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary this month.

[Ravin]

I guess the number one question is why did you marry so young, if it wasn't a shotgun wedding? I have one sister who did have a shotgun wedding at 19, over within 3 years. DH and I were younger than average, and married younger than we might have because of military benefits. That was a strong incentive for quite a few people I knew as junior enlisted.

[Xuzi]

For me it was because I'd found the right guy and didn't see any reason to wait. All the things I wanted to do with my life wouldn't be hindered by having a husband, and since I'd wanted and yearned for children since I reached puberty having a husband would be a boon! lol.

[twoxcell]

 

For me it was because I'd found the right guy and didn't see any reason to wait. All the things I wanted to do with my life wouldn't be hindered by having a husband, and since I'd wanted and yearned for children since I reached puberty having a husband would be a boon! lol.

:iagree: My answer would be basically the same. In the words of Nephew Fred, "Because I fell in Love." :lol: (I love me some Muppets Christmas Carol)

[lea_lpz]

I was 21 and had my first child about 15 months later at 22 years old. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 22.

 

We were not raised in conservative families or Christians at the time.

 

Just maybe a little crazy.

 

We've been together 10 years.

[abba12]

I guess the number one question is why did you marry so young, if it wasn't a shotgun wedding? I have one sister who did have a shotgun wedding at 19, over within 3 years. DH and I were younger than average, and married younger than we might have because of military benefits. That was a strong incentive for quite a few people I knew as junior enlisted.

 

Like the others, when it's love it's love. I was never one to beat around the bush and neither was my husband. Things happened that made me sure it was what I wanted. Once we knew we were both sure, we saw no reason to delay things for the sake of social norms.

 

Now, we both believed in a rather traditional form of relationship and marriage, which probably impacted things a fair bit. For us, living together before marriage was not an option. Yes, sex is part of this, but there was a lot more to it as well, we believe the relationship dynamic of two unmarried people living together is not necessarily a good foundation for marriage as we desired it. There's some evidence, and some anecdotal stories we know, of ways living together before marriage actually harmed the chances of success once married and increased divorce rates among people who lived together first vs those who moved in after marriage. That is a whole other topic on it's own, but neither of us were fans of the emerging culture of living almost as if married, except without the rings and the actual marriage commitment. Had this not been the case, we may well have waited because there would have been little need for the official side of marriage. Or maybe we wouldn't have, because we were just stubborn teenagers like that :) We just wanted to be able to spend our lives together, instead of evenings twice a week and weekends.

[eternalsummer]

What I usually wonder about young couples is if it changes their career path/education plans. For example, someone that at age 17 plans to go to college but then meets "the one" shortly after. Do they go to college together (if it was something they were both planning on)? Does one work and the other go to school? Do they do online classes or live off campus? Obviously the answer will vary from couple to couple and if they have kids that is another factor that may affect what they chose to do.

 

Someone else, for example, may have been planning on joining the military but then met "the one." Did that stop them from doing so because they didn't want to be separated if they were deployed. Or did they go ahead with the plan because of the benefits.

 

 

Yup, it changed things for us.  He was a bit ahead of me in school, so while I was in high school he changed to a university nearer where we had both grown up (and where I was still living); then he was out of college when I graduated high school so we both moved to the city where I was going to University.  We lived off-campus, which honestly was just the best thing.  I'm so glad I managed to avoid dorms.

 

(we got together at 18 and 15, engaged at 18 and 15, married a bit later).

[eternalsummer]

I guess the number one question is why did you marry so young, if it wasn't a shotgun wedding? I have one sister who did have a shotgun wedding at 19, over within 3 years. DH and I were younger than average, and married younger than we might have because of military benefits. That was a strong incentive for quite a few people I knew as junior enlisted.

 

We just knew we'd be together permanently from the very beginning.  We don't even celebrate our wedding date (I think it's in July sometime) as our anniversary; we celebrate the day we started dating, for lack of a better word.  It was pretty much 100% from day 1.

[Mandylubug]

I married young at 19. We did plan on me waiting till I was finished with my college courses to become a dental assistant but I ended up being pregnant 6 months before our set wedding date. So, we just moved it up. We had been dating since 10th grade. I'd say I knew i wanted him to be the one on our first date and by date, it was a group function. I did approach dating as more of courtship and had a list of ideals and priorities I wanted in a spouse written down. We chose to not kiss or become intimate until we were certain we were committed to each other. We didn't kiss for 6 months. The only thing I would change would be maybe to not wait as long as we did before marrying. 4.5 years was entirely too long. However, I think of my own son potentially meeting his spouse within the next 5 years and that scares the crap out me. We were obviously babies. We've been married 12 years and stronger than ever!

[Hunter's Moon]

DH and I met at 15 and 14 respectively. We married at 6 days past my 19th birthday and him soon-to-be 21. We have only been married 1 1/2 years, but I'm up to answering any questions :)

[Jasperstone]

Dh and I married when he was 19 and I was 16. We are celebrating our 31st anniversary this month!

Awesome, same here! I was sweet sixteen and my husband twenty- three. And no, I didn't need to get married. I was pregnant within 4 months of marrying though. :-D

 

We have just had our 28th wedding anniversary last month.

 

My eldest is 27 and youngest 4, also have a 9 and 11 year old.

[Mom in High Heels]

Hmmm, I don't know if we qualify as young or not.  James Bond had just turned 22, and I was a week and a half away from 22 when we had our wedding, and were both still in college.  We were both 21 when we got engaged.  We met when we were 19, and dated for a few months when he dumped me (I will never let him live that down!).  I was angry for quite a while (how dare he?), but we came to a truce, since we lived in the same building, and our BFF's were dating, and then they got engaged.  We both dated other people, but hung out with our other friends all the time, and eventually became really good friends.  Two years after we broke up, he told me he loved me, and I said "I've got to go."  I didn't speak to him again for 2 weeks, because I had stuff to think about. I was nervous, but decided I was willing to give it another try.  One month later, he proposed and we got married 6 months later.  We've been married for 19 years.

 

I never planned to get married while I was in college, and while I *thought* he was the "one" when we met, after he dumped me (Seriously, how dare he?  I was a freaking CATCH!), I figured I'd just been wrong.  I still had feelings, but just kind of shut them away, and that was that (sort of).  When we decided to get back together, it was so easy.  We knew each other so well, we'd talked about the other people we were dating, I cried on his shoulder when my boyfriend (who happened to be a friend of his) left me for another man (talk about a blow to the ego!), and I was there when his friend was very ill and he needed someone to lean on.  We just....were.  When he got down on his knee, in front of my parents, I knew I had been right all along; he was the "one." ;)  We were going to get married after graduation, but decided to move it up to the first Sat of Spring Break, so we could have a honeymoon, because the wedding was getting out of hand, I had to do my senior thesis my last semester, and I couldn't deal with all the wedding stuff while trying to finish up school. My mom went slightly insane, as I'm an only child, and there were days when I fantasized about eloping.  My dad offered us $10K if we eloped, because he said it was a lot less expensive than the wedding would cost.  He, of course, told me that there was a high probability that my mother would never speak to me again if we eloped.  I had to really weigh that out.  ;)  In the end, we had the wedding, and it was wonderful.  

 

Indy was born 7 years after we were married.  We agreed before we got married that we would wait 5-7 years before having kids, because we were young, and really had no clue what we were doing.  I did get pregnant a few times before then, but they all ended in miscarriages.  Indy just had great timing.  Han Solo, who was a BIG surprise, was born 3 weeks after our 16th anniversary.

 

A lot of my friends from high school married much later than I did.  I don't know why, but most married in their mid-late 30's.  Only one of my friends married before me, and she got married her freshman year in college to a guy she'd been dating since she was 15.  They've now been married 23 years, and have a 21 y/o and a 12 y/o.

 

Sometimes young marriage work, and sometimes they don't.  Still, there are plenty who marry later in life, and their marriages don't last either.  

 

While James Bond and I were married before he joined the military, I do know a lot of junior enlisted military members get married young, so the spouse can move with them when it's time to change duty stations.  I have to say, there are plenty of those that don't work out.  It seems a disproportionate amount compared to the military members who marry a little later, or are already married before joining.  Part of the problem, is that while it seems exciting and romantic to get married and move away, the reality is not what most people expect.  A lot of them have never lived away from their home towns before, and find that they "can't live" without their friends or family, the military member is gone frequently, and the spouse is left alone in a place where they know few people, and even when the spouse is there, they work long hours and are basically on call 24/7.  Many people don't think about the kind of life they will have in the military, and just jump in.  Some work out, but an awful lot of them don't, and it makes me sad.

[LMD]

dh & I met at 17 & 15 respectively. We married 3 years later, I was 18. Do I qualify to answer? :D

Why? I craved love and stability. He is a real home body and wanted to settle down. There was a religious aspect of making us honest too ;) . We had our first child 2 years later, we celebrate 11 years of marriage in a couple of weeks.

It did derail our study somewhat, we both decided to work more hours to save up for a house of our own while renting. Though we had both already been quite disenchanted with our courses anyway, it was just a convenient excuse. We have both returned to study later and are happy with our choices thus far!

[Mrs Mungo]

My dh was 22 and I was 21 when we married. I wasn't pregnant, lol. We married shortly after he graduated college. He went to the Officer Basic Course while I stayed to finish college. Once he graduated OBC we moved to his first duty station together. We have been married for over 20 years and are crazy in love. I won't say still because we have had our ups and downs over that time.

[Hoot]

I met dh when I was 17, got engaged when I was 18, married at 19, got pregnant about 2 months after getting married, and had ds 16 days after turning 20. We will be married 16 yrs this year. No one in my family thought it would last. In fact, the last words I heard before walking down the aisle were, "you can still go out the window. It's not gonna last anyway."

As for why, I wasn't exactly in a stable home environment (the comment above was from my dad and step-mother) and several other BIG factors were at play. The purpose of a girl has always been to get married, have babies, etc. so, when he asked I felt (a) relieved to have a way out of my home situation and (b ) like I was doing my "job" as a girl. Love didn't really play a huge part in it for me at the time. Essentially, I said yes because he asked.

 

I have often been asked, "what advice would you give to a girl contemplating marrying young" and my response is always, without fail... DON'T. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I was married at 18, first child at 19. My DH was 32 when he married me. we have been married 21 years. For my  family , and the time I was 18 it was very very common to get married at 18, in fact between 18-23 was the NORM for getting married.

[Chris in VA]

I'm like Mom in High Heels, as I was engaged at 20 and married at 22. I wasn't ready, though.

I even said no to the first proposal and my yes came after dh broke into tears.

 

But we worked things out. We've had lots go on in our almost 29 years of marriage--lots of growth, lots of pain, lots of joy.

 

He believes strongly in young marriage. I am on the fence a bit. I agree with a PP who said living together first can be detrimental, and I believe sex belongs in marriage, and it must be so hard to wait if you've found "the one."

 

We met when I was 17. It was a long wait. So, I empathize.

 

I hope dd marries a little later--but there are advantages and disadvantages to both early and not early marriage.

[FO4UR]

I was 21 and a Jr in college when I got married.  I found out that I was expecting baby #1 right after graduating.

 

 

If I could go back, I would wait.  I would finish school before getting married and work a few years before babies.  I gave up a Full Tuition Scholarship for a Master's Degree b/c it was too much to juggle baby & poverty & school.  I don't regret choosing to SAHM for my children's sake, but I do regret having put myself into a position to make that decision at that time.

[Onceuponatime]

I was married at 17, dh was 24. It was not a shotgun wedding. :)  He was in the military and due to be transferred. I was an accelerated high school student and graduated early. My mother was quite good at letting me know she saw no future for me other than marriage and that they could not support me going to college, even though my parents weren't particularly fundamentalist leaning. My mother was something of a reverse snob. You know, if work and marriage were good enough for everyone else in the family, they are good enough for you. My Dad was clueless that she was influencing me this way. So, being "in love, " having no knowledge of other options, plus having raging hormones, I was very happy to get married. It's been 32 years. We've had a good life, for the most part, but part of me does regret my loss of a time on my own and a completed college education.

[queenie]

I met DH when I was 15 and he was 19. We got married when I was 18, just 1 month after I graduated high school. We waited 10 years to have kids because we decided to go to college and travel. Now we have 2 girls and we are getting ready to celebrate our 20th anniversary:)

[Butter]

My husband and I got married two months to the day after I turned 20.  He was 22.  It'll be 16 years in just over a month.  My parents were 19 (day after she turned) and 20 (and since 21 was the age of majority at the time for men - it was 18 for women - his parents had to sign for him to be allowed to get married!).  When it's the right person, it's the right person.  I'd get married "young" again in a heartbeat!  Ani was born about a year and a half after we got married when I was 21.  People were utterly shocked we didn't "have to" get married.

[fairfarmhand]

I can answer too.

 

I married 3 days after my 18th birthday. Oldest dd showed up 3 months later.

 

It's been 16.5 years now.

[momto10blessings]

I was married at 20, but wish I had met my husband when I was 16 and married younger. He's always kept me on the straight path and I probably would have gotten into much less trouble and mischief in my teenaged years if he was around.

 

So, my question for those who married as teenagers is, did you stay out of trouble because you were married young and had to grow up?

 

Would you support your children if they wanted to do the same?

[Butter]

So, my question for those who married as teenagers is, did you stay out of trouble because you were married young and had to grow up?

 

Would you support your children if they wanted to do the same?

 

Probably.  Not that I "had to grow up" but because things that were my particular temptations weren't a problem in marriage.

 

Absolutely.

[Xuzi]

I never really got into much trouble before marriage, and I don't think it kept me out of it. The whole "young and free" lifestyle never appealed to me at all. I wanted a home and family of my own. I wanted a stable companion to learn and grow with. I think I'm a better person for having found my husband at that point in my life.

[LMD]

ha! I got up to plenty of mischief from age 14 up. If anything I was a bad influence on him at first...

It was more like, I had already had my fill of partying and trouble and was ready to settle down. Even though I met dh at 15 I had already experimented with drugs, alcohol & boys.

 

I would support my kids, depending on their & their partners personalities. Meaning if they were actually taking responsibility like adults rather than just playing house...

[73349]

We were high school sweethearts but waited until after college to marry. I learned after the fact that my parents (married at 18/19 and long divorced) talked on the phone when we announced our engagement as college seniors, and both fervently hoped it would be a long engagement. We went to different colleges about 2 hours apart.

 

For financial reasons, we waited a few years before buying a house and a couple more before having our child, and I turned 30 right before DS was born, putting us more toward what seems to be the "normal" schedule.

 

Neither DH nor I ever got into trouble of any kind, except that I didn't get along with my mother and then-stepfather and was glad to be gone. But I had been planning since I started high school to earn a college scholarship as my ticket out of town, so I didn't depend on DH for that.

[gerka528]

I got married when I was 20.  My hubby commissioned into the Navy, we both graduated college and got married within 5 days.  It was a very busy week!   We decided to do everything so closely together because hubby was going into the military and had orders to Japan.  We are celebrating 10 years this month and are back in Japan yet again.

[fairfarmhand]

Why we got married young....

 

I just wanted to be with him. We lived 600 miles apart and that was so hard. Baby just moved up the wedding date.

What I usually wonder about young couples is if it changes their career path/education plans. For example, someone that at age 17 plans to go to college but then meets "the one" shortly after. Do they go to college together (if it was something they were both planning on)? Does one work and the other go to school? Do they do online classes or live off campus? Obviously the answer will vary from couple to couple and if they have kids that is another factor that may affect what they chose to do.

 

Someone else, for example, may have been planning on joining the military but then met "the one." Did that stop them from doing so because they didn't want to be separated if they were deployed. Or did they go ahead with the plan because of the benefits.

 

I had my life all planned. I wanted college and an elem. ed. degree. Babies got in the way of that, and now that I homeschool, I don't regret  quitting. I think I'd hate it. It just doesn't suit who I am now. MY dh is ok with that. I think part of it is that now I am a completely different person (better) than I was when we married.

I was married at 20, but wish I had met my husband when I was 16 and married younger. He's always kept me on the straight path and I probably would have gotten into much less trouble and mischief in my teenaged years if he was around.

So, my question for those who married as teenagers is, did you stay out of trouble because you were married young and had to grow up?

Would you support your children if they wanted to do the same?

I'm a rule follower, so I doubt there would've been much trouble to stay out of had I not married., and yes, if my kids had been dating for as long as we did (3 yrs) and wanted to marry, I'd be ok if they were with a good person.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I married at 19, dh was 24. We are Christians and its very common in our group to marry young. We waited until marriage, but that's not why we married young. We don't believe in dating unless you're looking for a spouse, we met and fell in love, marriage was the obvious next step. We had little $ and dh still sings his cheesy country songs to me "when we were down to nothing, nothing still looked good on you" and "livin' on love" etc. ;) We had a few lean years but we are now able to help others in need, because we've BTDT. I didn't go to college by choice, I only wanted to be a wife and mother and starting up with dh a year out of high school, we decided I wouldn't go. After 2 miscarriages I had my first child at 22. We've been married 15 years and dh is a successful entrepreneur with no college education either. (We're not against college, btw, and will encourage our kids to go, and I would have gone if I didn't marry young but I have NO regrets, I'm a very well read person and passionate about research so I don't feel out of place when I'm with more educated people).

 

My brother and sister married young too, as well as dh's brother- all married by age 21 and happily married 10-16 years, we're all well employed, have kids, own homes, etc. Most of our friends married around the same age as us, none of them are divorced.

[Chava_Raizel]

Us too - I met dh a few months after my 18th birthday, and we were married just 3 months later. He was 25.

 

People thought I was completely nuts - everyone assumed I must have been pregnant (I wasn't), and it was expected that our marriage wouldn't last a year. We've been married for going on 16 years this August, so we proved them wrong.

 

I had my first child at 19, and not only was I super young, I looked like I was 12. I still look very young, so it's always been difficult to be taken seriously. I was one of those rare birds who looked forward to being in my 30s, because I figured people would start to look at me as an adult. Alas, I still once in a while get mistaken for a teen. It's not happening as much anymore though. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad about that. I think it's the grey in my hair that's giving my age away now. Or maybe the 4 kids, lol. I do still get, "There's no way you could be old enough to have 4 kids!" comment fairly frequently.

 

 

 

[icollectkids]

For me it was because I'd found the right guy and didn't see any reason to wait. All the things I wanted to do with my life wouldn't be hindered by having a husband, and since I'd wanted and yearned for children since I reached puberty having a husband would be a boon! lol.

 

This pretty sums it up. :)

 

We met when I was 17 and he was 23. We were engaged about 6 wks later and married 8 months later. I was 18 he was 24 when we got married. Baby #1 came when I was 19.....a month before our first anniversary. (he was our honeymoon souvenir)

[Jerico]

I got married young too. We've known each other our whole lives but we got together when I was 17 & him 18. We got married at 19 & 20. One couple (ONE!!!!) had something nice to say about it. That's it. Most of my friends (from high school) stopped talking to me. We were both in college. We had our first son one month after graduation. The last two friends from the olden days stopped talking to me when I told them I was pregnant.

 

We've been married almost 9 years :) i'm still the young mom in the group though it doesn't feel as much considering our eldest is almost 7.

 

When I see young moms, i have to remind myself I was the same age or younger. And I honestly can't believe that was me. I never felt young. I think marriage and kids ages or at least matures you.

[abba12]

It's unfortunate that some of you regret your young marriages. Maybe I will feel differently with age, but I consider mine a blessing.

 

 

What I usually wonder about young couples is if it changes their career path/education plans. For example, someone that at age 17 plans to go to college but then meets "the one" shortly after. Do they go to college together (if it was something they were both planning on)? Does one work and the other go to school? Do they do online classes or live off campus? Obviously the answer will vary from couple to couple and if they have kids that is another factor that may affect what they chose to do.

 

Someone else, for example, may have been planning on joining the military but then met "the one." Did that stop them from doing so because they didn't want to be separated if they were deployed. Or did they go ahead with the plan because of the benefits.

 

For us, DH had been working full time since he was 15 so nothing changed there. I had studied a little but was just coming to the realization that, actually, even though I was capable of work, being disabled meant I was not capable of being employed in any field I actually wanted to be in (I might have got factory work or other low wage labour with sketchy companies who didn't worry about workplace health and safety too much, since anyone who took WH&S seriously saw me as a huge liability , or I could study really well and go highly skilled, but I knew I would want to homeschool and be a SAHM one day, so had no interest in a more than moderately skilled field. I had a certificate in IT and could program computers, as well as a few other skills which I could have developed, but most would lead to having to find employment in a mid sized office. Not being able to drive due to disability really threw a spanner in the works as well)

 

So, for me, I was actually at a stage of being lost about what on earth to actually do with myself, so marriage to someone who had traditional ideas about providing for his family gave me an out! 

 

Lest you think I gave up all ambition though, while I still lack formal qualifications I have done a LOT of self study in a lot of areas which either help my family now, or may lead to opportunities for us in the future, and I am in the process of starting up my own business from home. The chance to study without restriction or pressure has been wonderful, though that time is coming to an end as my babies get older and my days get busier.

 

I was married at 20, but wish I had met my husband when I was 16 and married younger. He's always kept me on the straight path and I probably would have gotten into much less trouble and mischief in my teenaged years if he was around.

So, my question for those who married as teenagers is, did you stay out of trouble because you were married young and had to grow up?

Would you support your children if they wanted to do the same?

 

I was the bad influence on my husband, he was so naive when we met due to his sheltered upbringing! I think by the time we met I was already starting to hit the growing up stage early though. I know being married helped to ground him a little, but he was never much the type to get into trouble to start with. We definitely had to grow up in some ways though. Money management was a big one that our same-age peers still don't seem to be grasping as a whole!

 

I support young marriage and actually would prefer my daughters (and sons, but particularly daughters) consider marrying on the earlier side of things. Maybe not on their 18th birthday! But I would be disappointed if my child chose to intentionally delay marriage until her 30s, for a number of reasons. As for whether I would support a teenage marriage, it would depend entirely on the partner and their maturity as a couple. Marriage is an adult decision and if a young person is going to make it, they need to approach it as adults as much as they are capable. At that age no one is perfect and they can't possibly know fully what they're getting into, but If they showed thought and maturity in their decisions (talking about real life issues, beliefs and ideals etc, facing the practicalities and not just the emotions, etc) and the partner appeared to have a good heart and mind (again, at that age they WILL have plenty of flaws, intention and potential are more important than achievement at that age, and genuine desire to do everything in his power to be the best husband he could be is a must.). If those two boxes were checked, I would encourage them whatever their age.

 

A close family friend a few years younger than us married about a year ago, they were 17 and 18, and they were a perfect example of what I would not support for my own kids. It's unfortunate, and I think they've both finally realized they took on a lot more than they bargained for. I hope they can make it work, but some things are going to be very, very hard for them (their 'plan' before marrying included moving into his parents granny flat, and her quitting her job while he was unemployed because she didn't like it). It's been interesting talking to them over the past two years and considering their thoughts and focuses etc compared to those of my husband and I and our different approaches to things.

[abba12]

I got married young too. We've known each other our whole lives but we got together when I was 17 & him 18. We got married at 19 & 20. One couple (ONE!!!!) had something nice to say about it. That's it. Most of my friends (from high school) stopped talking to me. We were both in college. We had our first son one month after graduation. The last two friends from the olden days stopped talking to me when I told them I was pregnant.

 

We've been married almost 9 years :) i'm still the young mom in the group though it doesn't feel as much considering our eldest is almost 7.

 

When I see young moms, i have to remind myself I was the same age or younger. And I honestly can't believe that was me. I never felt young. I think marriage and kids ages or at least matures you.

 

Been there. I lost contact with almost everyone when I announced my engagement, and the few who stuck around dropped off the radar once I got pregnant. It was unexpected for us, to be honest. It sucks.

[Ravin]

I was married at 17, dh was 24. It was not a shotgun wedding. :) He was in the military and due to be transferred. I was an accelerated high school student and graduated early. My mother was quite good at letting me know she saw no future for me other than marriage and that they could not support me going to college, even though my parents weren't particularly fundamentalist leaning. My mother was something of a reverse snob. You know, if work and marriage were good enough for everyone else in the family, they are good enough for you. My Dad was clueless that she was influencing me this way. So, being "in love, " having no knowledge of other options, plus having raging hormones, I was very happy to get married. It's been 32 years. We've had a good life, for the most part, but part of me does regret my loss of a time on my own and a completed college education.

You don't know that you've lost anything. It's not at all too late for a college education if you want one. And you may have a season on your own later in life.

 

Sometimes I ponder "the road not taken" but if something is important enough, it doesn't have to stay a lost opportunity.

[Hoot]

So, my question for those who married as teenagers is, did you stay out of trouble because you were married young and had to grow up?

 

Would you support your children if they wanted to do the same?

Yes, I stayed out of trouble, but I don't contribute it to getting married. I'm smart and have no desire to do stupid things... never have. I don't feel like I needed a babysitter or accountability partner, so to speak, to keep me in check. There is also the fact that I had already HAD to grow up fast due to the circumstances of my childhood.

 

As for supporting my child, yes, of course I would support him. I would caution him of my own thoughts and opinions, but, ultimately it's about him and I would support ANY decision he made.

[Hoot]

What I usually wonder about young couples is if it changes their career path/education plans. For example, someone that at age 17 plans to go to college but then meets "the one" shortly after. Do they go to college together (if it was something they were both planning on)? Does one work and the other go to school? Do they do online classes or live off campus? Obviously the answer will vary from couple to couple and if they have kids that is another factor that may affect what they chose to do.

 

Someone else, for example, may have been planning on joining the military but then met "the one." Did that stop them from doing so because they didn't want to be separated if they were deployed. Or did they go ahead with the plan because of the benefits.

DH is 7 yrs older so he was long finished with college when I met him. I had just graduated high school and had been accepted to a couple of colleges. Meeting him changed everything about those plans. I didn't go to college... the ones I was accepted to were REALLY far away. At this point any college money is for DS and I refuse to put us in debt. We can't afford to make it happen for me (though I could have afforded it completely in the beginning if I hadn't used that money for a wedding and a house) and I really regret that decision a lot. What I wanted to do with the rest of my life career-wise is gone. Realistically, I will be relegated to whatever jobs I can get rather than pursuing my passion and I resent that I put myself in that position.

[Hoot]

I was married at 17, dh was 24. It was not a shotgun wedding. :) He was in the military and due to be transferred. I was an accelerated high school student and graduated early. My mother was quite good at letting me know she saw no future for me other than marriage and that they could not support me going to college, even though my parents weren't particularly fundamentalist leaning. My mother was something of a reverse snob. You know, if work and marriage were good enough for everyone else in the family, they are good enough for you. My Dad was clueless that she was influencing me this way. So, being "in love, " having no knowledge of other options, plus having raging hormones, I was very happy to get married. It's been 32 years. We've had a good life, for the most part, but part of me does regret my loss of a time on my own and a completed college education.

Our paths sound very similar, even down to being an accelerated high school student who graduated early.

[dm379]

I got married at 19, dh had turned 20 a few days prior.  We will have been married 14 years soon.  I refused to set a date until one of us had a steady job.  He hated college so two weeks after our engagement he decided to drop out and join the military.  My requirement of a steady job had been met so we didn't see any reason to wait and were married 4 months later, 2 days before he left for basic.  I wound up getting pregnant 4 months later.

 

Even though I was young I was teased by others in my family for being an old maid.  My parents had gotten married at 17 and so did my older brother.  I was devastated at the thought of not being able to land a man because I was raised to believe that is all I was good for.

 

I didn't get into trouble before we were married and at the time I didn't feel like I would miss out on any partying.  About 8 years ago I went through a stage where I really regretted never having certain experiences.

 

I would not support my children getting married before having a degree or some sort of job training.  I wouldn't disown them or anything but I would be highly disappointed.

[HS Mom in NC]

We married 3 weeks after my 20th birthday and a month before he turned 26. We dated for 6 months. I was not pregnant.

We've been married 21 years.

 

I don't see a reason to marry before 18, but I think it's just fine to get married when you find the right person.  For some that's younger and for most it isn't. Also, I didn't go to college and I think we live in a different world than 20 years ago.  I would recommend any woman get a skill set to support herself in case of some sort of emergency no matter how old she is when she marries.

Whenever you marry, you can expect that your social circles will change.  Singles tend to have more spontaneous lifestyles than married couples, so only do it if you won't resent it. I've witnessed a couple of situations where that seemed to be the case.

[TexasMomma]

We were high school sweethearts and married young as well, both 19. Then a few months later moved to Okinawa, Japan. DH was military. I wouldn't change our decision at all. Going on 17 yrs this fall.

[LibraryLover]

:)

[Joker]

I had just turned 21 and dh was 24. We married 4 months after meeting :w00t: and we're still going strong 16 years later. We had our first dd 18 months after marrying.

[gardenmom5]

I'm also one who knew he was the right one, despite a short dating time and a very large age gap.  (our first date to engagement was three weeks.  our engagement was 10 weeks  - but he was out of town six of them.)   we didn't sleep together prior to marriage becuase that is something to which we are opposed.

 

we've been married 32 years and five kids, and I still know he was the right guy for me.

[LucyStoner]

We were 21 (me) and 22 (him) when we got married. Not a shotgun wedding and no military benefits at play. We were not motivated by religious beliefs either. We just wanted to be married, so we got married. I was just a month shy of 23 when our older son was born. We'd dated exclusively for 2 years before we eloped. We've now passed our 12 wedding anniversary. I had never planned to marry young. We were both educated and employed. It was not typical for our social circles to marry young. Our son is older, by a lot, than the oldest children of our pre-marriage friends. Many of my classmates are marrying now or having first babies now or are still waiting to do so. We have been happy and feel that we made the right decision. That said, I do believe firmly that we defied the odds. Most young couple marriages really don't last. I know a lot of people my age who have been divorced already.

[Crimson Wife]

DH and I met during my freshman orientation in college. I was 18 and he was a 19 y.o. sophomore. We were talking marriage within 6 months, got "pinned" (like a promise ring) my sophomore and his junior year, got formally engaged shortly before he graduated, and married 2 weeks after my graduation. I was a month shy of 22 and he was 23. That was considered crazy young in my social circle but we are still going strong 15.5 years later. I don't regret a thing. Our oldest was born a few months short of our 4th wedding anniversary.

 

I don't want my kids to get married any younger than I did. I think there is a big difference between getting married straight out of high school in one's late teens, and getting married straight out of college in one's early 20's.

[Crimson Wife]

I guess the number one question is why did you marry so young, if it wasn't a shotgun wedding?

Neither of us believe in living together without being married and I knew that I wanted a bigger family (originally we were hoping for at least 4 kids) without the pregnancies being super-close together.