Night Elf Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 DH and I discussed Christmas gifts and decided to not exchange any this year. In our 18 years of marriage, we have never gone overboard with each other, but we did buy something for each other, even when we knew exactly what it was going to be. Well, this year neither of us want anything. We have no needs either. Even his slippers are still like new! So rather than spending money just to be spending, we decided to just be practical and skip it. I also told dd21 not to buy us anything this year. She doesn't have a lot of money and her dad and stepmom would totally wig out if she didn't buy them gifts. Gift giving is huge in that family. So now, the only gift I'm getting this year will be from my mom and it's a shirt because she always gets me a shirt. And it's usually in some loud color that I don't wear. So yes, I'm whining a bit. I'll be happy on Christmas morning watching my kids open their gifts. Honestly, I love giving gifts. But it's a little sad to know i don't have anything under the tree. Anyone else not exchange gifts with DH at all? Or are we being weird? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Yes it is hard to not have anything to open on Christmas. If you are regretting the choice, what about ordering something more practical but still a fun indulgence like flower bulbs from a mail order company like Holland Bulb Farm, a food basket from a place like Swiss Colony, Seeds from Territorial Seeds, music CD or iTunes, DVD...or just little fun item for the afternoon like a card game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 I agree. I think you should just tell your DH that you've changed your mind and you'd like to exchange a little something. For the first time this year, I've bought myself a Christmas gift. And yes, I'm going to wrap it and put it under the tree so I can't have it until Christmas. I'm sure my kids will roll their eyes at me, but darn it, I want to do it. They will each get me something, I'm sure, but I see no reason not to get myself a little something, too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Yep, I agree with the others. Never too late to buy a quick gift card at the very least. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 There is rarely enough money for adult gifts in our family. I love a stocking filled with inexpensive treats, but my dh doesn't seem to understand that at all. I think he finally grasped it a couple of months ago, but I am not holding my breath. There have been many years that the treats I have received were the ones I bought myself. When we do exchange gifts, it is usually practical items like lip balm, breath mints, razors, toothbrushes, little bottles of lotion, perfume, lipstick. I asked my dh to buy me some cheap jewelry this year. I rarely wear it, and would love to see what he would choose. H said he would rather give me cash and send me shopping. A nice luxury for me, but not really what I was looking for. This year money is especially tight. We are doing homemade gifts for kids and in-laws. I have things put away for all of our stockings. MIL is giving us cash to fix our water heater. I'm not holding out much hope for gifts for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 15, 2013 Author Share Posted December 15, 2013 I didn't think to talk to him about changing my mind. That's probably a good idea. I'd even be happy with a fully stuffed stocking instead of a wrapped gift. Maybe I can ask dd15 to go with DH to buy some stocking stuffers. She's a girl, she can probably come up with some small things I might like. But of course I have to reciprocate and I have no idea what to put in his stocking. Hmm.. Maybe I can stick in some of his favorite type snacks, cookies and dark chocolate. Oh, maybe a homemade gift certificate for a massage. I'll talk to him today. I know he'll be okay with it. So now I'm kind of happy! Thanks! Why didn't I think of that? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 My husband and I have never exchanged gifts at Christmas. It's just something we decided at the beginning. However, gifts aren't that important to me (I guess it's not my love language), and my husband has not used one thing anyone has ever given him, so I'm glad I don't have that stress. :) But if it's important to you, I agree with the others to tell your husband you've changed your mind. I bet he'd be happy to put something under the tree for you! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 I agree. I think you should just tell your DH that you've changed your mind and you'd like to exchange a little something. For the first time this year, I've bought myself a Christmas gift. And yes, I'm going to wrap it and put it under the tree so I can't have it until Christmas. I'm sure my kids will roll their eyes at me, but darn it, I want to do it. They will each get me something, I'm sure, but I see no reason not to get myself a little something, too. :D I agree. just tell him you changed your mind. Have fun picking our something small for his stocking, too. BTW, dragon faerie, I also bought my Christmas present this year. I needed it. I found it cheap on cyber Monday. It is wrapped and under my tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 There are lots of stocking stuffer idea lists - just google - to get ideas for your husband. Hope you have fun doing this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 DH and I haven't exchanged birthday or Christmas gifts in about, oh . . . .20 years or more. As Hikin' Mama said, gifts aren't our love language. None of the adults on either side of our family exchange gifts. Not because of money issues, but because most of us are in a position to go out and buy whatever we want. So it seems kind of silly to expect others to stress themselves running around trying to find gifts for us that we don't even need and probably will never use (based on experience from when we did give gifts). And we've never expected our kids to buy us anything. At least not yet. ;) You actually get used to it after awhile, and while it can be a little depressing some years, mostly I find it very freeing. But I understand if it bothers you, and it might not be a bad idea to discuss it with your DH. Who knows, maybe it's bothering him, too? (FWIW, I bought myself a very nice present last month. But I started using it right away. I saw no reason to delay gratification until December 25. ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLT Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 We don't exchange gifts at all starting last year when our (only) son was one. We are on a tight budget and buy our wants and needs as they come up through the year. We are trying to live as simply as we can and buying just to have something to give wasn't working. We usually try to do a short one or two night trip in January for the holidays and DHs birthday. Removing gifts for us from the equation really has made the holiday more family focused and we really enjoyed it last year. We plan to continue as long as it works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 DH and I almost never exchange gifts. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Night Elf, maybe this will be the year your tradition changes to just stocking stuffers! That can be really fun. We always put about 6 things in each other's stocking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Dh doesn't buy anything for Christmas. It bums me out some. However, he goes all out about once a year that surprises me. It's never for the same thing though,(anniversary, birthday, valentines) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Dh and I don't exchange gifts. Birthday gifts are pretty iffy for adults around here too. I have a friend whose family isn't exchanging any gifts. They are doing stockings and then a couple of family activities to help their kids remember that the holidays are about the people we love, not just the things we get. I love it. That's what we are doing next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Above The Rowan Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 We aren't exchanging gifts with each other this year, either. But I took my kids out to shop for him, and he will take them out to shop for me. We weren't even going to do that much, but my almost-8-yr old saw something he really wanted to get for his stepdad and it truly is something he'll love, and was a gift from the sweetness of my kids' hearts. So I let my partner know, and said that the kids would probably ask him to help them buy something for me. We MIGHT do each a stocking, my kids are very concerned that grownups don't get anything from "Santa", so we may fill each other a stocking with some treats and odds and ends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 If you like to have something under the tree to open then either get something for yourself or tell dh a few things you could use or want and have him do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Well I guess we must be the complete opposites of you because in 17 years DH and I have never exchanged gifts or cards for any event. It feels completely unnecessary. If we have extra money than we buy our fun wants when we have that money even if there isn't a special event at the time, if we don't have the extra money well it's just a relief to the budget not to have to try to cover more stuff. But I loathe shopping and I hate surprises so obviously gift giving isn't exactly my love language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 We've never really done gifts between ourselves either. For us, we wanted Christmas to be about our children, and making memories, and due to the fact the budget is often tight, we just agreed that we don't have to worry about ourselves. Now that being said, we have always helped our children get a few small things for us because we want them to experience the joy of giving. Meaning the boys and I get a few things for Daddy, and then we wrap it and each boys hides their gift for Daddy in their room. And then DH takes the boys out for a boys night and they pick up a few things for me.....it's almost never a surprise what I get though...I've made a specific list of options , where to buy, and provided any coupons. (DH would not be a smart shopper in terms of getting the best deal). I kinda hate that part....wish he could use more imagination in his shopping....but on the other hand, I do like making sure it was the wisest use of $$$. It's never big gifts. We also don't do gifts for anniversary, or Valentines. We do token gifts for birthday and mother/father day, again from the boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I almost never exchange gifts. I bought two boxes of chocolates this year, and told dd to wrap them for us, just for fun, but that's as far as it ever goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I almost never exchange gifts. I bought two boxes of chocolates this year, and told dd to wrap them for us, just for fun, but that's as far as it ever goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I don't exchange gifts. Birthday gifts are pretty iffy for adults around here too. I have a friend whose family isn't exchanging any gifts. They are doing stockings and then a couple of family activities to help their kids remember that the holidays are about the people we love, not just the things we get. I love it. That's what we are doing next year. That is so depressing to me. Those poor kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Gift giving is one of my love languages. Not so dh. He doesn't buy any gifts or cards for me, ever. I never have a gift under the tree. It is depressing, honestly. Money is not an issue...I can buy what I want for myself in general, but it isn't the same. He also never takes the kids to pick things out for me either. Yes, I am hurt by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 16, 2013 Author Share Posted December 16, 2013 Thanks everyone. DH and I don't do gifts for birthdays or anniversary either. That has never bothered me. But as others say, we've helped the kids buy little things for us and we've gotten little things for each other so we've always had a few small things to open. This year we just told the kids not to worry about us so they only bought for each other. I realize now that I am bothered to not have anything on Christmas morning. DH agreed to the stockings. He said he was happy to get one too. So I guess this is turning out better than I thought. I need to buy stocking stuffers for everyone and I'll be completely done for the season. yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I haven't done gifts for each other in forever, not for any occasion. The kids do all get us something small. Another "not our love language" thing going on here, I suppose. We also do not get gifts for other adults, or for that matter children (other than our own), in the family with the exception of my one sister who isn't married. We got dh's sister a gift up until last year when she married. It isn't a matter of money for us, it is just not something that gives us a thrill. Now, if I am out and see something dh would get a thrill out of, I will buy it and give it to him as a surprise gift just because. No occasion. In fact, this year we have hardly gotten anything for our kids. I've managed to pick up a little something here or there for the girls, but ds has nothing... I'm hitting the bank. This is the first year they haven't each gotten a large gift. I don't think Christmas will be less without it. (Ds knows we don't have anythign for him. He wants nothing. I have asked and asked.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerico Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 My husband always gets me something even when we say we are not exchanging gifts. But if you don't need anything what about going to do something together? Either something you wouldn't normally do or that you have never done before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 We don't do gifts for each other for occasions just to buy things, only if there's something we happen to really need/want at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 I haven't read all the messages, but if it isn't too late for your mom (depending on her mobility, etc.) could you ask her to get your traditional shirt in the color you like? It may not be worth the grief, but you could probably make a persuasive argument for having six in the same color range already, right? :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2OandE Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I rarely exchange. Partly because when we agree to he forgets and I end up hurt. We do fill each others stockings with treats and small things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 My DH and I have done this a few times over our 21 years of marriage--skipped gift giving. I regret it. I will never do it again unless we are destitute. The last time we decided not to do gifts I said, "Well, you can get me a box of milk duds." I guess he thought I was kidding about the milk duds because he didn't get those. That's when I realized I couldn't handle no-gift Christmases anymore. It was just depressing. Not even a box of milk duds from the dollar store? Nothing (and I mean NOTHING) under the tree? Nothing?! DH really honestly doesn't care if he doesn't get something but I feel like we're being losers if we can't even get each other a little gift as a nod to the day. It's a national holiday as well as a religious one and it feels stingy and mean not to partake of it by getting our loved ones a little something. I know not everyone agrees, but that's where I finally came down on the issue for myself and my family. I'm 40 and have never had a Christmas with lots of gifts. I try to be adult about it, but I wish that just once in my life I could have a big Christmas with lots of presents that are lovingly bought by someone trying their best to make me happy with the presents they get for me and they're excited to give them to me. Oh wow. I didn't realize how much I want that until I typed it. That's bad news since DH hates buying presents. I think I'd better bury that desire fast lest I start to resent DH. Oh dear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 I don't care about the actual gifts, either (I can buy what I want), but it is the time and thought people should put into gifts that I miss when I get no or crappy gifts. The shirt from your mom that is the same every year indicates a lack of thought, the time that she did not put into thinking about what would make you happy. Also, glossing over parent birthdays and Christmas while making big deals of the kids on those days gives them an exaggerated sense of their importance in our family and in the world. Or maybe it makes parents look not very important. Either way, I think it is good for kids to see their parents celebrated. It also is good for kids to get into practice in selecting appropriate gifts, or at least trying to. You don't want to unleash your son onto a wife who will forever receive awful gifts because you didn't train your son in the art of gift giving! So for many reasons other than that I like stuff (I don't particularly), I think that gift giving is important, and graciously receiving gifts is as well. OP, I am glad you've worked out something with your husband and also that you figured this out before Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Going back and reading, I see that other people buy presents for each other throughout the year/as they find them. DH and I don't do that. I will jot down things I'd like for myself or things DH would like and wait until December to get them. Perhaps if we bought stuff for each other throughout the year, I wouldn't mind about not getting something for Christmas. But since I will wait for a year or even years for something, Christmas presents are important for me. I may have to discuss this with DH. If we were to pick up things for each other as we see them or as we want them, then I wouldn't feel this neeeeed for Christmas presents and he'd be off the hook for having to buy me stuff all on the same day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abeille Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Gift giving is one of my love languages. Not so dh. He doesn't buy any gifts or cards for me, ever. I never have a gift under the tree. It is depressing, honestly. Money is not an issue...I can buy what I want for myself in general, but it isn't the same. He also never takes the kids to pick things out for me either. Yes, I am hurt by it. That's how it is for me too. Just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one. (emoticons are always grayed out for me, so just imagine a hug icon here :) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 16, 2013 Author Share Posted December 16, 2013 I haven't read all the messages, but if it isn't too late for your mom (depending on her mobility, etc.) could you ask her to get your traditional shirt in the color you like? It may not be worth the grief, but you could probably make a persuasive argument for having six in the same color range already, right? :confused1: I try every year. The problem is that she picks out things she likes, not what I would like. I end up with the kind of shirts a 70 year old would wear. The past two years weren't too horrible. At least she didn't get me a print shirt. One year I got a very bright red shirt that is gathered on the sides which is kind of strange. Last year she got me a very bright canary yellow shirt. But this is the woman who got me a 2 foot tall metal grasshopper statue and a pineapple for my birthday one year. She's a little kooky, but she's really fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 DH and I are not exchanging gifts this year (usually we do small tokens) We bought a car back in October and figure that is our present to each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Dh and I have never had stockings until last year. We had a snow globe leak in the storage box which ruined all three of our dds' needlepoint stockings last year (mold, etc). I was upset, as each stocking had special meaning. To assuage my grief, I bought all of us new needlepoint stockings and dh and I did stockings for each other for the first time ever last year. It was fun! I could see us transitioning to just stocking gifts at some point. I also feel free to put things in my own stocking! Everyone is getting a Seattle Chocolates bar in their different holiday flavors, for instance. We just put in little things, but it was still exciting--I was thrilled with my post-it notes, dh liked his blue masking tape that the girls can't borrow! Hope you both have fun with your stockings this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsmm Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 We have not exchanged gifts in years. We don't have the extra money, and we are both happy to spend what we have on the kids. That said, if there is something we want, we buy it for ourselves whenever. I don't exchange gifts with my family or with Dhs family either. Both families choose a charity and we donate a certain amount per person. It makes me happy, and I don't need anything we do fill each other's stockings with little things like favorite chocolate or other little things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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