How important do you think it is for kids to have HSing friends who school similarly?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Or who have a similar mindset toward education? We school with an academic bent, and we do school most days, we follow a trajectory, we have college as a goal, etc. But we are the only academic-oriented HSers in a community of unschoolers and very relaxed schoolers. I have a fantasy that if we could find a group of similarly minded HSers, my kids could see that others also find education and knowledge a desirable thing. I know my oldest has expressed displeasure at being the only one of her group that doesn't attend every class/field trip/get-together/park date. 

 

I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter so much? I just often feel like I'm the only parent saying, "No, we can't, we have work to do at home," and I wish my kids could be around other HSers who are vocal about feeling that academics are important too. What do you think? Would it be worth going to the effort of trying to find a group of more academic-minded HSers? 

 

Thanks.

[ErinE]

I think it's more important for my children to have good friends, regardless of academics. Our weekly schedule is 4 full days of school and one flex day. We school year round, so day 5 of the week may be math and writing and we'll meet up with friends mid morning. Or we won't have any formal school and go on a field trip.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Thank you both. Just to clarify, I wasn't implying that we'd leave our unschooly friends behind--just that I'd like to branch out a bit so the kids (and I, because I often feel like a freak and don't feel like I can talk about the schooling we do, it's considered very crushing to their natural spirit and intelligence) don't feel so alone! Honestly, we don't have anyone that we hang out with that has a similar mindset schoolwise. And we do plenty of field trips, etc. It's just that our friends do so much more--they're constantly at crafting get-togethers and classes and parks and outings, and when the kids find out we didn't go because we stayed home to do school and home stuff, they're unhappy. 

[ByGrace3]

I knows many disagree, but I do think it is helpful to have at least one similarly academic family as friends. When my kids spend a lot of time around more relaxed families and hear what they do, when they are done, what they don't do etc... It can cause some complaining I my kids. While I am quick with the "every family is different and has different goals... My job is to do what we think is best in our homeschool," it is always nice for me to say occasionally, yes but ______ can't do that either because of school. Or ______ family schools like us.

 

I don't like to encourage comparisons, but I think it is easy for homeschool children to get an idea in their head that mom is "wrong" in how she does it because "others" don't do it that way. Or maybe they think mom is too hard on them or makes them do too much... Having other friends doing similar things encourages them that I am not way off. ;)

[Mom0012]

Thank you both. Just to clarify, I wasn't implying that we'd leave our unschooly friends behind--just that I'd like to branch out a bit so the kids (and I, because I often feel like a freak and don't feel like I can talk about the schooling we do, it's considered very crushing to their natural spirit and intelligence) don't feel so alone! Honestly, we don't have anyone that we hang out with that has a similar mindset schoolwise. And we do plenty of field trips, etc. It's just that our friends do so much more--they're constantly at crafting get-togethers and classes and parks and outings, and when the kids find out we didn't go because we stayed home to do school and home stuff, they're unhappy. 

 

Yeah, I can see where that would be difficult.  If you are around mostly academically oriented people, though, it could go the other way.  I find that my son's friends have an extremely academically oriented mom, and as they have gotten older, it is very hard to get them together because they are working such long hours.  I take homeschooling very seriously and my kids have 7 hour days in middle school, but that is nothing compared to what my son's friends are doing.  Honestly, I find the same thing with my dd and her public schooled friends.  They don't get out of school until 4:30 and then they have homework or activities, so it they are very limited in how often they can get together. 

[Hunter]

We always had more problems with food and religion, than schooling.

 

My youngest wanted to do the subjects he was studying. Advanced maths, Greek, and Latin were treats.

 

The oldest wasn't STUDYING harder than the other students. But he certainly was WORKING harder, and that he wanted to do. So he started paying his own way through the junior college while just 16, but he hadn't studied harder, just more efficiently.

He took every short cut possible to reach his goal of getting out to Las Vegas at 18, where his friends were waiting for him. He messed up on scheduling his last elective and had to add another semester to get it completed, but I think that was a good thing. 19 was young enough to move to Las Vegas.

 

We fought over cookies and Ramen noodles and Kraft Mac n Cheese, and how many hymns we were going to sing. School wasn't really a battle, no matter what others were doing.

[ocelotmom]

Is every other family really doing every other activity, or do they just hear about all the other things going on and make that assumption? While we aren't the most academically rigorous out there, there are a lot of activities we skip because of lack of adequate interest, finances, transportation issues, (over)scheduling, or some combo of the above. And I know we're not the only ones.

[Shellydon]

I think it is nice to have friends that have a similar bend towards school.  My unschooling/relaxed schooling/non-schooling friends have kids that can't read at all or read well at 9,10 and 11 years old.  This puts a damper on the things all of the kids can play together.  Monopoly, Clue, book clubs etc are out.   We still like them and spend time with them, but having friends on a similar academic level and track is important too.

[Dmmetler]

Well, we don't have anyone either. There are a few homeschoolers who do also make school a priority, but for the most part, they're families with special needs kids for whom school is a great deal of therapy and looks very different from what DD is doing. I do keep one day a week free for a fun co-op and spending time with friends after it. It is a little frustrating to realize that for many of the families we know, that's their STRUCTURED day in the week!

 

I do my discussing of academic stuff online.

 

 

[ErinE]

Thank you both. Just to clarify, I wasn't implying that we'd leave our unschooly friends behind--just that I'd like to branch out a bit so the kids (and I, because I often feel like a freak and don't feel like I can talk about the schooling we do, it's considered very crushing to their natural spirit and intelligence) don't feel so alone! Honestly, we don't have anyone that we hang out with that has a similar mindset schoolwise. And we do plenty of field trips, etc. It's just that our friends do so much more--they're constantly at crafting get-togethers and classes and parks and outings, and when the kids find out we didn't go because we stayed home to do school and home stuff, they're unhappy.

It might not be much different if the kids were in PS. So many parents in our area put a big priority on extracurriculars, particularly sports. The other kids are busy every night with practice or games. DH and I discuss with the kids that every family has different priorities and parenting styles. We explain why academics are important to us; we were both fortunate in that working hard in school helped us pay for college.

 

We don't have any academic homeschoolers nearby so there isn't much choice.

[Dmmetler]

I knows many disagree, but I do think it is helpful to have at least one similarly academic family as friends. When my kids spend a lot of time around more relaxed families and hear what they do, when they are done, what they don't do etc... It can cause some complaining I my kids. While I am quick with the "every family is different and has different goals... My job is to do what we think is best in our homeschool," it is always nice for me to say occasionally, yes but ______ can't do that either because of school. Or ______ family schools like us.

 

I don't like to encourage comparisons, but I think it is easy for homeschool children to get an idea in their head that mom is "wrong" in how she does it because "others" don't do it that way. Or maybe they think mom is too hard on them or makes them do too much... Having other friends doing similar things encourages them that I am not way off. ;)

 

This is where having PS friends comes in handy-because those kids often can't do everything they'd like because of school/homework. gripe about long hours, etc. Usually, a playdate with a PS friend or a family vacation with DD's cousins has her feeling that she gets off easy-even if most of the other homeschoolers in the area do much less than we do.

[Dmmetler]

Or who have a similar mindset toward education? We school with an academic bent, and we do school most days, we follow a trajectory, we have college as a goal, etc. But we are the only academic-oriented HSers in a community of unschoolers and very relaxed schoolers. I have a fantasy that if we could find a group of similarly minded HSers, my kids could see that others also find education and knowledge a desirable thing. I know my oldest has expressed displeasure at being the only one of her group that doesn't attend every class/field trip/get-together/park date. 

 

I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter so much? I just often feel like I'm the only parent saying, "No, we can't, we have work to do at home," and I wish my kids could be around other HSers who are vocal about feeling that academics are important too. What do you think? Would it be worth going to the effort of trying to find a group of more academic-minded HSers? 

 

Thanks.

 

Well, I have to be honest-I don't tell my DD about park days/get togethers/field trips that don't fit our schedule. So, if it's on our one light day a week-or a day that we can juggle to make it work for something special, I'll let her know and see if she wants to participate. If it's a day we can't do it, I don't bring it up.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Or who have a similar mindset toward education? We school with an academic bent, and we do school most days, we follow a trajectory, we have college as a goal, etc. But we are the only academic-oriented HSers in a community of unschoolers and very relaxed schoolers. I have a fantasy that if we could find a group of similarly minded HSers, my kids could see that others also find education and knowledge a desirable thing. I know my oldest has expressed displeasure at being the only one of her group that doesn't attend every class/field trip/get-together/park date.

 

You mean we're not alone?!

 

 

I am surrounded (SUR-ROUND-ED)  by unschoolers, most of whom are younger than DD.  They are forever going on field trips, and seem to spend all afternoon at the ice rink that we leave after our once a week mid-day skate to "do school."  It's a pretty tight group, because, hey, perpetual playdates.  There are highly academic kids we've encountered at more regional gatherings, but locally?  Zip.

 

The question is not one of nice kids, or uninviting kids, or playful kids.  DD can run with unschoolers without conflict.  What's missing is HS friendships based on a shared passion, since passions require work and commitment, and that seems contrary to the local unschooling ethos.

 

Nice to know I'm not just seeing things.

[8filltheheart]

It really depends on the child.   My kids have never had friends that have been homeschooled similarly to our philosophy.   For most of them it hasn't ever been an issue.   That was not the case with our oldest.   We had a lot of conflict during 11th and 12th grades due to the fact that all of his friends during high school only did 4 day weeks and hung out together on Fridays and he had to be at home doing school.   That was not where the real conflict came from though.   The real issues started when their parents would tell him that we didn't know what was expected from high school students and that our expectations were completely ridiculous and unrealistic.   That really lead to some heated discussions over what was college prep and what wasn't. 

 

But......every minute of headache was worth it when he called me during his freshman yr and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you.   Thank you."

 

He is still close friends with all of his high school buddies.   So, was it all ok in the end?   Yes.   FWIW, perhaps it is b/c of their brother's experience that my other kids know not to compare their school work with others.   And......academic summer camps are great places to make connections with other kids that have similar interests.

[regentrude]

I am sure it would be very nice for a child to have friends who are homeschooled with a similar educational philosophy... alas, none of mine ever had the opportunity. DS has many friends, some in public school and several of the homeschooled, but none with an academic program even remotely comparable to what we do. They are still great friends - school is simply not the common denominator. They bond over martial arts, video games, books.

DD's friends are all several years older, in college or already graduated from college. It would be impossible to find same age peers on a  similar educational trajectory in our town.

Shrug. I can't bake friends for them. I can't find one single homeschooling family in our area with similar philosophy and goals.

[musicianmom]

I think most of dd8's friends hs similarly to us. I don't know anyone who's spending all their time on field trips and play dates.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

You mean we're not alone?!

 

 

I am surrounded (SUR-ROUND-ED)  by unschoolers, most of whom are younger than DD.  They are forever going on field trips, and seem to spend all afternoon at the ice rink that we leave after our once a week mid-day skate to "do school."  It's a pretty tight group, because, hey, perpetual playdates.  There are highly academic kids we've encountered at more regional gatherings, but locally?  Zip.

 

The question is not one of nice kids, or uninviting kids, or playful kids.  DD can run with unschoolers without conflict.  What's missing is HS friendships based on a shared passion, since passions require work and commitment, and that seems contrary to the local unschooling ethos.

 

Nice to know I'm not just seeing things.

 

:lol: Not only are you not alone, I'm pretty sure we live in the same state you do. So it's possible that my fantasy of finding a like-minded group is not going to happen here no matter how hard I look! I suspect we're rather far apart though, which is a bummer because I bet our girls would get along great. We're in the middle, near that big state university. I gather from previous posts of yours that you're quite a bit further to the north and east, right?

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

:lol: Not only are you not alone, I'm pretty sure we live in the same state you do. So it's possible that my fantasy of finding a like-minded group is not going to happen here no matter how hard I look! I suspect we're rather far apart though, which is a bummer because I bet our girls would get along great. We're in the middle, near that big state university. I gather from previous posts of yours that you're quite a bit further to the north and east, right?

 

 

Not that far -- maybe 30 min up 287 -- where GW spent those two winters.  Hmmmm....  

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Well, I have to be honest-I don't tell my DD about park days/get togethers/field trips that don't fit our schedule. So, if it's on our one light day a week-or a day that we can juggle to make it work for something special, I'll let her know and see if she wants to participate. If it's a day we can't do it, I don't bring it up.

 

I don't tell them, they see pictures or hear about it from their friends or overhear people talking about it at co-op, etc. Then they come to me wanting to know why we didn't go to this awesome thing that everyone else went to *sigh*

 

 

But......every minute of headache was worth it when he called me during his freshman yr and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you.   Thank you."

 

He is still close friends with all of his high school buddies.   So, was it all ok in the end?   Yes.   FWIW, perhaps it is b/c of their brother's experience that my other kids know not to compare their school work with others.   And......academic summer camps are great places to make connections with other kids that have similar interests.

 

This is what I hope, and what I tell them (well, mostly my oldest)--that someday they'll be grateful they have the foundation they're getting now. And I tell them stories of people we know who were forced or chose to work hard in spite of what everyone around them was doing, and how happy they were later. 

 

Hm, I didn't think about the summer camp element. I'll have to see what's available to us. The girls did Scout camp last summer and loved it, though, so they might not want to change it now! But thanks for that, it's a great idea. Oldest is a writer and artist, so that might be a good place to start. 

 

 

I am sure it would be very nice for a child to have friends who are homeschooled with a similar educational philosophy... alas, none of mine ever had the opportunity. DS has many friends, some in public school and several of the homeschooled, but none with an academic program even remotely comparable to what we do. They are still great friends - school is simply not the common denominator. They bond over martial arts, video games, books.

DD's friends are all several years older, in college or already graduated from college. It would be impossible to find same age peers on a  similar educational trajectory in our town.

Shrug. I can't bake friends for them. I can't find one single homeschooling family in our area with similar philosophy and goals.

 

You know, it's less about bonding and more about…commiseration, maybe? Understanding they don't have the only parents on the planet who believe academics are more important than all crafts, all the time? We have lots of friends and a great community otherwise. 

 

The more I read your replies and think about this issue, the more I suspect that my problem with our group is mine and not my kids', really. It would make my life easier and vindicate me a bit in my kids' eyes--like, "See, I'm not the only one who requires their kids to do schoolwork!" I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal. We do have good friends, and I love them, and I wouldn't trade them. I just wish my kids didn't feel like they're the only ones "stuck" at home doing schoolwork every day, KWIM?

 

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone! It helped me to think all this through.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Not that far -- maybe 30 min up 287 -- where GW spent those two winters.  Hmmmm....  

 

I'll PM you. It might be worth seeing if they want to be penpals or email pals! Heck, maybe we've even met and I don't know it :lol:

[CrunchyGirl]

I hope it's not critical because I have zero hope of it happening and granted we are not only very academically focused homeschoolers, but have food issues (child with celiac disease), and are non-religious living in a very conservative Midwest city so really there's no hope anyway. Having recently moved from a heavy unschooling area (where many people truly do feel that using curriculum or having any sort of expectations is a form of child abuse), I don't know that it really matters where we live on this one. Life is lonely. I need to get used to it (it's taking a toll right now).

 

That being said, I do think in a perfect world it would be important. I've been reading book The Smartest Kids in the World and following the thread on it here. The thing that has really hit home for me is how the success of the top countries seems to be tied to a social agreement that education is important and should be rigorous. Now obviously some people won't agree but there aren't constant macro-level messages (like here in the US) that hard work is over rated, if you're well educated then clearly you're an elitist, etc. I do wonder how we create an environment for our children where academics and hard work are prized living in a society where academic success isn't even remotely valued? Clearly as parents we have the most influence (or should) but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be terribly helpful to have other adults and peers surrounding our children to reinforce those values. I don't know very many deeply religious people who don't want to expose their children to at least some other adults and children who share their belief system. Truly academic homeschooling is a rare thing best I can tell and it's a tough road to walk. It's okay to wish you had someone to do it with you, to be that community that would reinforce these priorities to your children. Dare to dream.

[regentrude]

I do wonder how we create an environment for our children where academics and hard work are prized living in a society where academic success isn't even remotely valued? Clearly as parents we have the most influence (or should) but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be terribly helpful to have other adults and peers surrounding our children to reinforce those values.

 

We are making sure our children encounter enough people who share these priorities, even if those are no other homeschooling parents or children. We parents socialize with academically minded adults and include our kids in the interaction.

[CrunchyGirl]

We are making sure our children encounter enough people who share these priorities, even if those are no other homeschooling parents or children. We parents socialize with academically minded adults and include our kids in the interaction.

That's an excellent point Regentrude!

[T'smom]

It would be nice, but I don't think it is critical. Mine are young yet, so I'm not sure how this will pan out for us. If mine were upper elementary/middle school age, I would try to use those get togethers as motivation. Well, if we want to go to x on Wednesday, then we need to make sure we have finished lessons 1-3 in math or sure, we can go to that...as long as your history project is done! I would make time with friends a priority, and school (to me) is about learning the material, not necessarily "butt in seat" time. I would try to motivate them to make the most of the time they spend on schoolwork. Maybe they would do some math in the evening, if it meant they got to see friends the next day. Of course, if there is an activity every single day, there is just no way to make that work!

[...................]

We have never meshed with non-academic homeschoolers. Usually, their methods (or lack thereof) is a symptom of their overall outlook toward life and parenting. For example, the few families we knew who were not academic generally had random bedtimes, random meal times, "new age" rather than traditional Christian beliefs, and much more freedom in regards to TV, music, books, and worst of all- the moms didn't really discipline their kids very well. Or at all.

 

As far as schooling methods, it has not mattered.  We have had friends who schooled traditionally, using Classical, MFW, ACE Paces, all kinds.  The only thing that matters is that they make school and education a priority in their mind and in their actual schedules, (and again, that usually means they also make bed times, proper nutrition, discipline, consistency, etc.) also a priority.

 

Now there are always exceptions. 

 

The ONE other thing that really seems to make being close friends very difficult is involvement in CC.  The CC takes up so much of their lives, not just one day per week, but the mom preparing for it, talking about it, doing the CC parties, CC get-togethers, CC conventions for the moms who are tutoring, etc, etc, that it just becomes difficult to make it work.  Not impossible but just difficult.  

 

[redsquirrel]

How old are your kids?

 

When we started I was in a total minority because we homeschool with a classical bent. I so, so understand what you are saying and how it feels to be a group of 1 among other homeschoolers. I once had a mom actually gasp and clap her hand over her mouth when she asked what we did that day and I said "school, as usual" That is a real thing that happened to me, lol.

 

However, over the years I have seen one of two things happen with my local homeschooling peers. Either, the parents decide that unschooling etc just isn't working that well and they send the kids to school or they attempt to change up how they school. I know very, very few who continue on unschooling much past fifth grade or so. I do know a couple to be fair, and those kids are friends with mine and they are great kids and their parents are great people. But, mostly I get pulled aside by parents who want to know how to introduce some structure to their kids learning. The 'strewing' method isn't working as well as they hoped. I give them some ideas of where to look and resources etc.

 

So, if you give it some time you might find that people come over to your way of thinking a teensy bit...and sometimes it is helpful for me to be spend time with homeschooling families who do things differently.

 

For that bonding and commiseration etc I come here.

[laundrycrisis]

My biggest issue with this isn't other people's lack of focus on academics, but that they want to do social things when I feel a genuine need to be home taking care of schoolwork. I would like to restrict social time to the after school hours and weekends, but homeschooling families tend to not want to make plans then....only on weekdays, in the middle of school time. This schedule issue really gets in the way of friendships.

[MomintheMountains]

You implied this in one of your replies, but I think you, mama, are the one that needs a friend that schools similarly to you! It sounds like the kids are happy with their group and their friends, generally. You just have to let them know they can't do everything with the group, end of discussion. No whining, bickering, arguing. It is what it is. But, it very much sounds like you need a friendship with another mom who has a similar outlook to yours.

[Alte Veste Academy]

My kids do not have any homeschooled friends. What they do have (and what I feel is important to have) is friends whose parents put the same level of importance on education as I do. So although they are not doing exactly as we are, we are hearing that John and Jane can't come out to play until they are finished with their homework, piano, etc. They are seeing that other parents have high expectations for their kids, which helps them to see that I am not an unreasonable shrew for having high expectations for them.

[MysteryJen]

My kids know other homeschooled kids, but in most of those families, the oldest is about the age of my middle kid. All of their friends are PS kids.

 

It might have been nice to have closer friends who homeschool, but quite frankly, we ran into some judgment about religion and academic choices, which resulted in some uncomfortable situations.  Also, I found that some homeschoolers who compare themselves to ps can be pretty smug about that, and at the same time very insecure when looking at more academically minded homeschoolers.

 

I prefer that we do our own thing, without the comparing, and ps friends have been the best about that.

[lea_lpz]

I've heard this on WTM a lot and just find it strange. We are new at homeschooling and my kids are young, 4 & 6, but the vast majority of homeschoolers I know are classical / Charlotte Mason. I know a lot of CC moms and moms who use similar curriculum and have similar schedules.

[Elisabet1]

My children do not. And once I stopped looking for these matches in other children, things went a lot better. 

[texasmama]

I don't think it is very important for kids to have friends who have a similar homeschooling education mindset. I think they need friends - or the opportunity to make some.

[ByGrace3]

I agree that like minded academic families in general would help this...

 

This thread has made me consider how blessed we are. We are surrounded by many families that don't homeschool like us at all, but we do have a few families that we are close with that do. One of my sisters homeschools Classically-- TOG, Latin, etc. and makes my homeschool looked relaxed sometimes ;) she has a daughter my dd's age. And they live 5 minutes from us. It has been the best blessing ever! Having someone like minded to walk this path with surely does make a difference.

 

But honestly this board alone has helped me feel not so crazy when all the homeschoolers around you make you feel like an out of touch academic freak ;)

[ScoutTN]

We are not very far into the HS journey and my oldest is 8, but the things that come to mind are

 

1. My bookworm girl loves to have friends whose reading overlaps with hers and who like to talk about books. Although I've found her playing Corners - a Right Start Math game - with friends too, just for fun!

 

2. Selfishly, if another family homeschools similarly to how we do, I may find a friend too!

 

3. Schedule similarities. 

 

[rainbird2]

[quote name="CrunchyGirl" post="5333701" timestamp="1385864063"

I've been reading book The Smartest Kids in the World and following the thread on it here. The thing that has really hit home for me is how the success of the top countries seems to be tied to a social agreement that education is important and should be rigorous. Now obviously some people won't agree but there aren't constant macro-level messages (like here in the US) that hard work is over rated, if you're well educated then clearly you're an elitist, etc. I do wonder how we create an environment for our children where academics and hard work are prized living in a society where academic success isn't even remotely valued? Clearly as parents we have the most influence (or should) but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be terribly helpful to have other adults and peers surrounding our children to reinforce those values. I don't know very many deeply religious people who don't want to expose their children to at least some other adults and children who share their belief system. Truly academic homeschooling is a rare thing best I can tell and it's a tough road to walk. It's okay to wish you had someone to do it with you, to be that community that would reinforce these priorities to your children. Dare to dream.

[quote name="CrunchyGirl" post="5333701" timestamp="1385864063"

 

I said something similar (although nowhere near as eloquent) on the Smartest Kids thread. We have been trying to foster relationships with kids that have similar interests in extra curricular activities, regardless of if they homeschool or attend public school. Recently we joined the city's chess club and a Suzuki violin group class. I am also going to try to find some connections for myself in 2014. I think part of the desire is for an intellectual community for myself, not only for my kids. My son's horseback riding instructor is a Princeton graduate, English major. She is such a delight to talk with!! I personally miss the culture of learning I experienced in college and in the work force.

 

I think that making peace with where we are is going to be the answer, at least for our family. It's OK to have different goals from others. The hard part, though, is when there is judgement and labeling (elitist) simply because we have different goals. My husband and I decided not to let our kids enter the church talent show...we want them to have friends. :(

 

Wish I could write more, but this baby in my lap is doing one amazing impression of an octopus gone mad, and he's making it really hard to type.

 

OP, thank you for starting this thread. Glad to get other perspectives here.

[rainbird2]

That being said, I do think in a perfect world it would be important. I've been reading book The Smartest Kids in the World and following the thread on it here. The thing that has really hit home for me is how the success of the top countries seems to be tied to a social agreement that education is important and should be rigorous. Now obviously some people won't agree but there aren't constant macro-level messages (like here in the US) that hard work is over rated, if you're well educated then clearly you're an elitist, etc. I do wonder how we create an environment for our children where academics and hard work are prized living in a society where academic success isn't even remotely valued? Clearly as parents we have the most influence (or should) but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be terribly helpful to have other adults and peers surrounding our children to reinforce those values. I don't know very many deeply religious people who don't want to expose their children to at least some other adults and children who share their belief system. Truly academic homeschooling is a rare thing best I can tell and it's a tough road to walk. It's okay to wish you had someone to do it with you, to be that community that would reinforce these priorities to your children. Dare to dream.

CrunchyGirl, sorry I messed up your quote!! I don't know how to fix it, and the octopus won't let me figure it out.

[....]

I've heard this on WTM a lot and just find it strange. We are new at homeschooling and my kids are young, 4 & 6, but the vast majority of homeschoolers I know are classical / Charlotte Mason. I know a lot of CC moms and moms who use similar curriculum and have similar schedules.

 

Yeah, I agree.   :confused1:  I'm always confused by these conversations!  Pretty much every homeschooling family we've ever met were school-at-home types.  I've only met 2 families who don't use a boxed curriculum. EVERYONE uses a boxed curriculum here or does Classical Conversations.  So, no, I've never met a family who home schools the way we do and I've never met kids who are similar to mine in personality/interests, either.  *shrug*  FWIW, my kids spend a lot of time with public schooled kids, so I'm not really concerned about how similar a kid's education is to mine for them to hang out together.

[Farrar]

I think it's important for any parent to have at least a few families that they identify with in terms of their general outlook.  When you don't, you begin to feel like you're really isolated.  And I think the same is true for homeschooling.  It's harder enough to swim against the tide - it's even harder when you don't have anyone at all to swim with.  I think it's the same for kids.

 

We're lucky that we have a variety of friends - more academic to unschooly.  We're on the more academic end among our friends, but compared to many of the families on this board, we're pretty relaxed.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Yes, we've run into this over and over. One of our goals in hsing is to head to a good university. That goal is not shared locally...

Yup. NJ has zero hs regs, which prob adds to the unschool appeal. College never comes up with the local unschoolers we know. The flip side, those who will just die without acceptance to HYP, is destructive in its own right, but how about finding that school that challenges a student based on a passion, that helps mold a student to be more that just a member of the collective? That thinking seems to he out of sight, over the horizon.

[katilac]

We are making sure our children encounter enough people who share these priorities, even if those are no other homeschooling parents or children. We parents socialize with academically minded adults and include our kids in the interaction.

 

But you teach at a university, right? I'm thinking that makes socializing with academically minded adults much easier  :tongue_smilie:

[8filltheheart]

But you teach at a university, right? I'm thinking that makes socializing with academically minded adults much easier  :tongue_smilie:

 

Finding mentors and academic camps are another way.   Ds has been blessed  by both.  

[RootAnn]

I think the age of your kids makes it matter more. The younger they (all) are, the less it matters. When the kids get middle school age & older, I think becomes more of a struggle to 'to it alone.' (8's posts about her oldest's struggle in high school on here are a good example, IMO.)

 

I'm fortunate that there are a couple of other people in my local homeschool group that try to do school everyday. They might not share my homeschool philosophy (whatever it is!), but they are interested in having their kids learn & succeed.

 

I wish you the best of luck finding SOMEONE. I know some people have pulled aside their child, pointed to me, and said, "See, there ARE other moms who make their kids (1) learn Latin or (2) diagram sentences.  :hat:

[marbel]

I'm not an unschooler but I do know some families and they would be surprised to hear that they are not academically-oriented.  Unschooled kids go to university too. 

 

But, the unschoolers I know have similar conversations to this.  They feel bad because their traditionally-homeschooled friends can never seem to take time from their schedules to go on interesting field trips, take a snow day to go sledding, or take advantage of the first warm day of spring to go for an impromptu hike in the woods.  They see (in some people, obviously not all) a slavish rigidity to schedule and they don't understand it.  

 

Obviously there are variations.  My household is somewhere in the middle, I guess. 

 

 

[robsiew]

This may be an opportunity to share with your kiddos your family values and why you do things a certain way... not just schooling.  Truth is, there are very few families that look "alike".  We differ from other families around us in many more areas than just education.  It is important to have a family or two that is similar to you in beliefs, but really, how much are families alike, even if they may be doing school similarily.  Maybe you could focus on teaching the kids not to compare, to embrace the values your family has and run with it.  I think that's a good lesson for all of us.. not just our kids!  We are often times content until we start comparing ourselves to others.... jmo... take it for what it's worth!  And.... in our case, my kids don't even have a lot of homeschooling friends.  Most of their friends are private or public (most of them) school kids.  :-)

[daijobu]

I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter so much? I just often feel like I'm the only parent saying, "No, we can't, we have work to do at home," and I wish my kids could be around other HSers who are vocal about feeling that academics are important too. What do you think? Would it be worth going to the effort of trying to find a group of more academic-minded HSers? 

 

Thanks.

 

Thank you for posting this.  Out here every homeschooler and their uncle seem enamored of the Waldorf approach.  We almost lost a homeschooled friend after she played "school" with my own kids...and she didn't do very well academically.  At play school.  Where they were pretending to do school.  

 

She later asked her mother for spelling lessons.

 

One thing that saved us was AOPS online classes.  My dd12 met a friend online there, and now they text and skype regularly over homework. :-D  

 

We still have our Waldorfy friends, but it's purely social, and my kids are fine with that.  

 

Fortunately my kids are at an age where they don't really want to spend all afternoon once a week on a hike for nature studies.

 

Good luck, and again thank you for letting me know I'm not alone!

[Murphy101]

I don't think it's important at all.

 

I used to.

 

Now I don't.