Help me find a solution to this (laundry) problem

[plain jane]

My dd12 is really making me mad and I need some advice as to how to stop this.  The problem?  She constantly throws clothes that are clean into the dirty laundry.  Her hamper is in her bedroom closet, and her dresser is in there as well.  My best guess is it is much easier for her to just throw the clothes into the dirty hamper than to actually put them away? :confused1:  (I've asked her and asked her and all I get is "I don't know")  We have discussed this problem for over a year now.  Yes.  Over a year.  :cursing:   Some weeks are better than others but truly this has been a battle for a very long time.   Another problem, related to this one: she doesn't throw her dirty/worn clothes into the hamper.  You don't know how many times I've asked her to wear a specific shirt, only to find out that it's in her clean bin and smells awful.  Not only that, but now, all the shirts around it smell awful too.  I'm so very, very, VERY tired of this.  

 

I'm also tired of harping on her to put away her clean laundry (it's supposed to get put away after 24 hours of coming out of the dryer).  She hates putting away laundry. We have discussed how putting clean clothes in the laundry doesn't solve any problems because she hates putting away clean laundry so the more she washes, the more she has to do this dreaded chore.  We've talked about the cost of doing loads of laundry.  We've talked and talked.  And yes, I've yelled.  :o 

 

Another thing is that she throws her bedsheets and blankets in her laundry as well.  That's great that she takes that initiative (she only does it once every week or two so frequency isn't an issue) but I wash bedsheets and blankets on sanitary cycle.  Always have.  She knows this because she helps with laundry for her brothers and because I have asked her umpteen times to put her bedsheet and blankets in the special laundry hamper for such items.  I wash clothes on cold and don't feel this gets bedding clean enough, especially think blankets.  This part doesn't make me angry, but I'm a bit baffled why she can't just put her bedsheet in the bedsheet hamper?  :confused1:

 

I simply don't get it and frankly I don't know how to make this stop.  She's 12.  Is it too hard for a 12 year old to know clean clothes from dirty?  To put a bedsheet in a hamper that is meant for bedding and towels?  If it is too much to ask then I just need to know.  She seems quite mature and capable of it but maybe I am out of line?

 

She does do her own laundry.  She's responsible to take the hamper down and put in the machine (I do the soap as she tends to spill everything she touches) and then transfer to dryer and then back out and put away.  Hence, I strongly suspect she is washing clean clothes more often than I know because I don't tend to oversee what she does.  From time to time, however, (like tonight) I go and help put clothes away so we can sit and visit a bit and then I see all these clothes that she hasn't worn in the clean laundry.

 

I know this is minor in the grand scheme of life but it's not cheap to run the washer and dryer and we are trying to cut costs and it just seems so wasteful to me.  How do I make this stop?  

[MysteryJen]

I have always found that whoever cares the most should do the chore.  So, since I am happy with sandwiches, everyday for dinner, my dh makes dinner nearly every night. But I care more about the state of bathrooms, so that is more on me.

 

Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, you should take over laundry and give her something that is more important to her and less to you.  Or give her whatever chore makes you cringe.

 

My dd1 cleaned out the refrigerator for me in exchange for doing the kids' bathroom.  Well worth it for me.

[scholastica]

Have you tried fining her?  We sometimes impose fines as punishment. For my youngers, if I find clean clothes in the dirty laundry, it's a quarter per item. The olders owe me a buck per item.

 

scholastica

[texasmama]

I'd do what Mystery Jen suggests. I do all laundry because I want it done a certain way. The kids gets chores that they choose from a list that I am less invested in the outcome of.

[AK_Mom4]

Yep - I am the one who cares about laundry here too.  I tell the two at home when to bring down their baskets and I send the clean clothes back up with them - they are really good about carrying the baskets up and down stairs.  DS17 chooses to NEVER put away clothes - he has a clean laundry basket, a dirty laundry basket and I hang up his dress clothes for him.  DS21 and DD19 were the same way.  DD12 still like hers in the drawer so most of the time I put them away for her when I stop in to say good night.  I do it this way because I want it to get done.  And it keeps me happy.

 

On the other hand, I really hate to clear the table after dinner, so DS and DD put away all the food and wipe everything down.  It all works out for the best.

 

Maybe the two basket method would work for your kid?

 

 

[Joker]

I think she's young and it's a work in progress.

 

I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old. Sometimes they are great with laundry and other times they're not. The consequence is many times they want to wear something and can't because they haven't taken care of it. Oldest once missed dance class because she hadn't taken care of her uniform. She hasn't done that again.

 

There are many times I am still lazy with the laundry, so I extend grace to my teens. It's honestly just not something I would make into something huge.

[JustEm]

Make her do all her own laundry, even putting in the soap.  If she spills then she cleans it up. And the second it is out of the dryer you need to supervise her putting it away since she is unable to put it away by herself.  No matter what she is doing she needs to stop it and fold and put her clothing away the second it is done.  If that annoys her then she needs to show you that she can get it done in a timely manner without putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry.

[Annie G]

Since it's been an ongoing issue and she already does her own laundry, maybe it's time to take away her clothes and YOU keep them. Every day she has to come to you to get her clothes, trading in the dirty ones for fresh ones. She still has to wash and fold her laundry but for a while she has no free access to her own clothes. Sounds extreme, but I bet after a week or two she'll agree to do a better job keeping only dirty clothes in the hamper and only clean clothes in the drawer. Of course you have to be prepared to quickly do it all over again when she tests you or becomes lazy about her clothing. 

 

I know it sounds mean, but she's old enough take care of her own clothing- and you have to call her on it. 

[plain jane]

The problem is not the "doing" of the laundry it's that she keeps putting the clean clothes in. By the time they've sat for a week with dirty clothes they smell and can't be put back in the clean drawers.  I would have to inspect her laundry hamper and dresser nightly.  I don't have time for that.  I expect to do that for the kids younger than her (and I did the same when she was younger) but I think she's getting a bit old to keep doing this.  I"m not talking 1 or 2 items.  Sometimes it's 1/3 or more of the load.  :glare:

[plain jane]

Yep - I am the one who cares about laundry here too.  I tell the two at home when to bring down their baskets and I send the clean clothes back up with them - they are really good about carrying the baskets up and down stairs.  DS17 chooses to NEVER put away clothes - he has a clean laundry basket, a dirty laundry basket and I hang up his dress clothes for him.  DS21 and DD19 were the same way.  DD12 still like hers in the drawer so most of the time I put them away for her when I stop in to say good night.  I do it this way because I want it to get done.  And it keeps me happy.

 

On the other hand, I really hate to clear the table after dinner, so DS and DD put away all the food and wipe everything down.  It all works out for the best.

 

Maybe the two basket method would work for your kid?

 

I'm going to consider this.  Currently she only has a couple drawers- one for tops, one for bottoms, one for PJs so there's not a ton of sorting that needs to get done after a load is done.  I'm not sure this is the issue.  She puts her laundry away appropriately after it is washed (this part I do supervise). It's in the days after the clean clothes have been put away that it all falls apart.

 

Honestly, I love my dd, but if I gave her two baskets, I can see her getting them constantly mixed up.  Funny in some way, but it's certainly something she would do.  :001_rolleyes:

[texasmama]

The problem is not the "doing" of the laundry it's that she keeps putting the clean clothes in. By the time they've sat for a week with dirty clothes they smell and can't be put back in the clean drawers. I would have to inspect her laundry hamper and dresser nightly. I don't have time for that. I expect to do that for the kids younger than her (and I did the same when she was younger) but I think she's getting a bit old to keep doing this. I"m not talking 1 or 2 items. Sometimes it's 1/3 or more of the load. :glare:

You can put the clothes away for her and assign her a chore that you usually do in exchange for your time to do this. It's a less direct approach, but it may decrease the conflict and frustration since you have dealt with this issue for a year with no change.

[plain jane]

You can put the clothes away for her and assign her a chore that you usually do in exchange for your time to do this. It's a less direct approach, but it may decrease the conflict and frustration since you have dealt with this issue for a year with no change.

I promise I'm not arguing- just clarifying. She puts the clean clothes away just fine. Does a good job, in fact. It's in the days between the clothes getting put away and the next laundry day that the clean things migrate to the dirty hamper. I don't really know how or when this happens exactly. If it were just on laundry day, I could fix it with your solution but I don't know when or why she is doing this and when asked, neither does she!

[AngieW in Texas]

This may sound kind of odd, but is there any possibility that she might be OCD? My oldest is OCD and she has had some issues with laundry.

[SadieMarie]

Maybe take away the dresser and have her live out of the baskets. That is what DH had going when I met him lol. He never needed to put laundry away at all. He still likes to keep his gym clothes in a basket in the laundry room.

[Dory]

My 9 year old does his own laundry, including the soap. I make him bring the basket of clean clothes to the table and fold it right there while I'm working on other things. As he folds he has to separate things by drawer they belong in and then he has to take those small piles to his room, one or two at a time, until they are all put away. It makes it longer, but it's a skill that I think is important to have. Once he's twelve I'm hoping he doesn't need that level of supervision. My dd has problems still recognizing dirty clothes form clean clothes. They might smell, but I made her go through her entire laundry basket and inspect everything to find what she had put in there that she shouldn't have. I only had to do that twice. The nastiness of it was enough for her to be more careful the next time. It's one thing to quickly sort your clothes for washing, it's another to have to wade through it and look carefully at each piece. That was enough for her. She has just started learning to do her own laundry.

[Dandelion]

Since she's already doing her own laundry, and you said she does a good job putting the clean clothes away (initially), it seems like the main issues are (1) the proximity of the hamper to her dresser (making it easier for her to put clothes that are still clean in the hamper) and (2) the frequency with which she does laundry.

 

Based on that, I'd (1) move her hamper somewhere else (I keep the kids' hamper in the bathroom they share), and (2) find something that will motivate her to reduce her laundering frequency.

 

You could tell her that if she can keep the number of loads to "less than x" per month, you'll give her a cash bonus from the money you save on water/electricity/detergent. Incentivize her and give her ownership in the process. Let her monitor the utility bills with you, and figure out how long the detergent lasts. Instead of giving a consequence, make it fun.

[Jean in Newcastle]

12 year old girl?  Does she try on a number of different outfits before finding the right one?  And then does she put all her rejected clean clothes into the hamper?  

[sbgrace]

She is taking clean clothes out of her drawers and throwing them in the dirty clothes hamper without wearing them? It's late. I think I'm probably misunderstanding. Is she trying stuff on but not actually wearing it? Or is it that things are falling out and she's not putting them back perhaps? Getting the dirty clothes basket out of her room (I'd do that anyway, if it's in her room now) and maybe moving clean clothes to baskets for now might help if that's the case. If not, I'm wondering about OCD or a similar issue. It would take effort and forethought to take clean stuff out to move to dirty. So she doesn't know how it happened makes no sense to me.

[HS Mom in NC]

What if you limit the number of times a week she's allowed to do her laundry?  If it's once a week or every 10 days or something like that then she has little incentive to throw all her clean clothes in the dirty laundry hamper or dirty ones in the clean hamper.

 

What if laundry done incorrectly (put in the wrong place, not put away, etc.) is confiscated for a week or two?

 

Is it possible your child just has far too many clothes and feels overwhelmed by the volume?  If that's possible, why not reduce the wardrobe by a significant percentage to just the basics (say... 2 weeks worth for each season if you have seasons where you live) and the rest get donated? Many a child did better managing toys after his favorites were sorted and kept and the rest went to charity.

 

The only time I've asked my kids of any age, to wear a specific shirt were for:

a) a family photo

B) (I can't seem to get rid of this stupid emoticon) the PE shirt specifically designed and purchased for PE students

c) a fancy formal event like a wedding or Christmas/Easter services

d)the uniform for Tae Kwon Do

How is it that you're frequently telling your 12 year old to wear something specific?

 

Is there some sort of plague caused by washing thick blankets in cold water that I don't know about? I grew up with washers that didn't have hot water to hook up to and none of us suffered any physical ailments because of it. If she does her own laundry this way what's the worst that could possibly happen?

 

If she doesn't want to sort he laundry into separate laundry hampers before wash day, then it seems to me a logical consequence that she should have to sort all of the laundry on wash day.  Most people do one or the other.  Is there a practical difference in choosing one over the other?

 

Does your daughter have a significant attention/focus problem? Is she one of those hippy, dippy, trippy space cadet types? I had one of those at age 12.  Working on focus and attentiveness in general was something we spent time on.

 

What do you mean she spills soap every time?  Are you buying detergent in bulk that's hard to manage?  I do. Buy the same detergent in a smaller package and when it runs out, refill it from the bulk container yourself.  Let her use the smaller container if you think it might help her avoid spills.

 

I have 4 laundry baskets in my walk in closet (in the master bathroom)  so things can stay sorted before laundry day.  When mine were younger I had a simple drawing taped to the side of the hamper of what went in each one before my kids could read.   They didn't have dirty laundry baskets in their rooms then.  They took their dirty clothes off before showering and bathing every night so there was no way to mix up clean and dirty.  Their clean clothes stayed in their rooms and dirty clothes didn't stay in their rooms. Do you think this or something like it might help?

I fold nothing.  Things that don't need folding (socks, underwear, shorts) each have a bin on a shelf in the closet.  Everything else gets hung up because a kid can rifle through a bunch of hung up things and the things are still not wadded up or a mess after.  Rifling through a drawer with folded things can lead to a pile of disastrous chaos. Do you think this or something like it is what is causing things to go from just fine on laundry day to jumbled mess later?  

[plain jane]

She is taking clean clothes out of her drawers and throwing them in the dirty clothes hamper without wearing them? It's late. I think I'm probably misunderstanding. Is she trying stuff on but not actually wearing it? Or is it that things are falling out and she's not putting them back perhaps? Getting the dirty clothes basket out of her room (I'd do that anyway, if it's in her room now) and maybe moving clean clothes to baskets for now might help if that's the case. If not, I'm wondering about OCD or a similar issue. It would take effort and forethought to take clean stuff out to move to dirty. So she doesn't know how it happened makes no sense to me.

It makes no sense to me either. I've asked her a ton of times- how can you not know how the clothes are getting there??

 

Best I can tell, she's getting a specific shirt out of a drawer and some fall out. She doesn't put them back in the drawer but throws them in the wash instead. I've asked her why she does this- it's really just as easy to put them in the drawer and I get a blank stare. A blank stare. That's it.

 

It's not the same clothes that get washed over and over so the clothes falling out makes sense I guess. There is no where else to keep her hamper rather than in her room. No where. Our house isn't tiny but it lacks storage space. Plus, with a family our size, every space is accounted for. I truly can't move the hamper. There is no space in the bathroom, hallway, siblings rooms and our master bedroom is tiny - it's been a huge beef of mine since we bought this house.

[plain jane]

What if you limit the number of times a week she's allowed to do her laundry? If it's once a week or every 10 days or something like that then she has little incentive to throw all her clean clothes in the dirty laundry hamper or dirty ones in the clean hamper.

 

What if laundry done incorrectly (put in the wrong place, not put away, etc.) is confiscated for a week or two?

 

Is it possible your child just has far too many clothes and feels overwhelmed by the volume? If that's possible, why not reduce the wardrobe by a significant percentage to just the basics (say... 2 weeks worth for each season if you have seasons where you live) and the rest get donated? Many a child did better managing toys after his favorites were sorted and kept and the rest went to charity.

 

The only time I've asked my kids of any age, to wear a specific shirt were for:

a) a family photo

B) (I can't seem to get rid of this stupid emoticon) the PE shirt specifically designed and purchased for PE students

c) a fancy formal event like a wedding or Christmas/Easter services

d)the uniform for Tae Kwon Do

How is it that you're frequently telling your 12 year old to wear something specific?

 

Is there some sort of plague caused by washing thick blankets in cold water that I don't know about? I grew up with washers that didn't have hot water to hook up to and none of us suffered any physical ailments because of it. If she does her own laundry this way what's the worst that could possibly happen?

 

If she doesn't want to sort he laundry into separate laundry hampers before wash day, then it seems to me a logical consequence that she should have to sort all of the laundry on wash day. Most people do one or the other. Is there a practical difference in choosing one over the other?

 

Does your daughter have a significant attention/focus problem? Is she one of those hippy, dippy, trippy space cadet types? I had one of those at age 12. Working on focus and attentiveness in general was something we spent time on.

 

What do you mean she spills soap every time? Are you buying detergent in bulk that's hard to manage? I do. Buy the same detergent in a smaller package and when it runs out, refill it from the bulk container yourself. Let her use the smaller container if you think it might help her avoid spills.

 

I have 4 laundry baskets in my walk in closet (in the master bathroom) so things can stay sorted before laundry day. When mine were younger I had a simple drawing taped to the side of the hamper of what went in each one before my kids could read. They didn't have dirty laundry baskets in their rooms then. They took their dirty clothes off before showering and bathing every night so there was no way to mix up clean and dirty. Their clean clothes stayed in their rooms and dirty clothes didn't stay in their rooms. Do you think this or something like it might help?

 

I fold nothing. Things that don't need folding (socks, underwear, shorts) each have a bin on a shelf in the closet. Everything else gets hung up because a kid can rifle through a bunch of hung up things and the things are still not wadded up or a mess after. Rifling through a drawer with folded things can lead to a pile of disastrous chaos. Do you think this or something like it is what is causing things to go from just fine on laundry day to jumbled mess later?

I went back and re read my OP and you are right- it does sound odd what I wrote and I wanted to clarify. I almost never tell dd what to wear, but every time I have, that item is dirty/smelly. Stuff like- please wear this leotard for dance today because you are wearing through your other (favorite) one or how about wearing that shirt/pants/dress that you begged me to buy you but now never wear. I don't insist she wear anything specific (I don't for any of my kids- even my 2 yo gets dressed alone most days) but I now and then I do make requests so that clothes I have spent money on actually see the light of day.

 

As for the bedding- she has pretty severe environmental allergies and I do think hot water is best for bedding/dust mites what not. We use hypoallergenic soap and I have noticed for whatever reason that bedding smells better after being washed in hot or sanitary cycle. Really my biggest beef with this is the bed sheet takes up half the load so she ends up doing laundry more frequently.

 

As for the soap- you don't know my but you just need to trust me on that one. I use a regular sized bottle. Dd can't pour anything without spilling or using it in excess. Yes, dh and I work to correct this with her but we are not making much progress. I kid you not and I wouldn't believe it either if I didn't live with this every day. She can't pour or measure anything without spilling. Ever. You should see my kitchen after she bakes. It's like a bomb went off. Flour everywhere, butter dropping off things, milk spilled. Every time. I can offer to pay her $10 to measure a 1/2 cup of milk without spilling and she just. can't. do. it.

 

I have tried more hangers for this kid and that was even worse. Stuff was always falling off and her closer was a disaster.

 

I do like your suggestion to cut down on clothes. I will do that next time she's at a friends house. I can't take clothes away while she's home- she won't part with anything willingly. I bet if I am selective as to what I make disappear she won't even notice they are gone. :)

[sbgrace]

Hmmm...can she put her dirty clothes in a sibling or your hamper? I really think you'd be better served getting it out of there if at all possible. It does sound like things are falling out. I'd use laundry baskets or similar for clean clothes. She can throw it back in the clean basket as easy as she could the dirty. Or, hmmm...what about having a clean laundry basket by her dresser? If something falls out she could throw it there rather than the dirty. Maybe the dirty hamper should have a lid or something similar to make it more trouble to put it there than in the designated clean basket. Is she a child motivated by positivity more than consequence? If so, maybe you could spin this better. You could explain that habits are obviously hard to break and clearly this is a habit that's hard on her clothes or whatever might be important to her. So you guys keep a record with a celebratory reward attached as she works to make new habits of keeping clean clothes in clean spaces. I don't know. Positive stuff works way better with my son. If this is OCD, I hope it isn't/it sounds like there are other explanations, I wouldn't expect anything like this to work.

[marbel]

I would take the hamper out of her room and have her carry her dirty clothes to the laundry room every day (or whenever she changes out of dirty clothes).  Our bedrooms are too small for hampers.  So at night everyone puts their dirty clothes on the floor and takes them to hampers in the laundry room the next day.  I know it sounds terrible but it's actually easier as  I never have a lot of laundry backing up.  (Well, except for the 16-year-old who doesn't mind a pile of dirty laundry in his room.)    You could even have her take her dirty things out of her room at night when she changes into pajamas.   Then, no dirty clothes to mix the clean ones up with. 

 

But it's really odd that she has no clue how the clean clothes are getting mixed in with the dirties.  Either she does and is not telling you, or there is something going on with her. 

 

 

[Cindy in FL.]

I have had this same problem with one of my boys. It drives me to distraction to find clean folded clothes in the hamper. He leaves his clothes on the bed when I send him up to put them away. Then they get knocked on the floor. Then he or one of his brothers (they all share a room) toss them in the hamper. I finally told him that I would move his dresser downstairs so that I could watch him put his clothes away. That seemed to make a big difference for him. Apparently he doesn't want his inability to put his clothes away properly to be on such public display.

[ktgrok]

You can put the clothes away for her and assign her a chore that you usually do in exchange for your time to do this. It's a less direct approach, but it may decrease the conflict and frustration since you have dealt with this issue for a year with no change.

 

 

I like this idea. Mainly because I HATE putting clean clothes away. I'll wash and fold till the cows come home, and happily. But putting them away is a least favorite chore. (no idea why....sorry I don't have insight, lol...too full drawers might be part of it though). So tell her you get that she hates this job, and until she matures and can handle it better you are willing to trade. You will put the clean clothes away when they come out of the dryer, and she will ___________________ for you. Maybe clean toilets, vacuum, whatever. Or maybe she will take over the sheet washing and drying for you?

 

Another solution is to keep clean clothes in the laundry room. Have her have a basket or those plastic drawers/bins in there for her clothes. So she has a hamper for dirties in her room, but clean ones stay where they were originally folded. My parents actually did this, and kind of still do. There is a ton of counter space in the laundry area, and they set up a rack to hang clothes on, and they just leave the clean ones there, folded or hung up. I've heard it called a "family closet", which makes it sound less lazy and more practical, lol. 

[ktgrok]

ok, reading further, it does sound like less clothes would help. Not just because things are less likely to fall out, but because it is easier to put things away if the drawers are fairly empty. One of the reasons I hate putting laundry away is that my DH's drawers are so full. Not the only reason...but it is a factor. 

[texasmama]

It sounds like it would help to hang everything except socks and undies.  My boys' drawers tend to get too full and then things spill out on the floor.  They don't pick them up, either.  I think I will take my own advice and hang everything I possibly can!

[KungFuPanda]

Does she have a computer or phone that she likes? You could do a laundry check each night and let her know that the clothing situation needs to be squared away before bed to earn the next day's privileges.

 

Alternatively, you can add 'laundry money' to her allowance. If she exceeds the number of acceptable loads, she pays the overage. Plan it so if she does it right, she earns a little bit. Give up sorting for a while and let entire loads be hers. Give up the sanitary cycle for her sheets. The dryer will kill her cooties.

[kitten18]

If things are getting knocked out of the drawers, are the drawers too full? I know I hate to put stuff away into drawers that are too full.

 

 

Does she have hooks hanging in her room where she could quickly hang stuff?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I agree with you on the bedding because my dd has severe dust allergies.

 

As for her not being able to pour anything without spilling- that sounds like a problem. She shouldn't be corrected (in a lecture/punishment way). Figure out what it is. In my dd's case, she has sensory problems. We're working on it. In the meantime, I've taught her to clean up after herself. When she cooks, she runs her hand across the counter because she doesn't "see" the mess, but will feel it. Then she sweeps the kitchen.

 

Is it possible you're being too harsh about her reasons? My kids know that the truth will be much less "harmful" than if they BS me. So when I'm washing clean clothes of dd's, and I ask her why, she'll say "because I was too lazy to put them away." My reply, "ok. Come help with this laundry." That's it. I don't yell at her, don't lecture, nothing. When ds refuses to put his dishes in the sink, he usually says he wasn't in the mood. Again "fine. Come do it now."

[SKL]

What about putting the dirty laundry basket in a completely different place, such as the bathroom?

[Susan in TN]

I have no real solution for you. My kids do their own laundry and I'm quite sure that every single one of them are putting clean clothes in with the dirty. One thing that HAS helped at least with getting it put away is to require that it be done before they can watch TV or play video games on Saturday mornings - this is a big deal to them, so they will do it. The Olders who don't care about TV or video games are harassed by the youngers until it is done.

 

Is there something really important to her that can be withheld until/unless laundry is done properly?

 

((Hugs)) I understand your frustration - it's a waste of soap, water, time, and effort, and wears out the clothes faster than necessary.

[SKL]

Maybe she could choose her clothes the night before, when she has more time to put away the ones she considered and rejected?

 

Why are the clothes being considered and rejected so often?  If she dislikes them or they don't fit right, they should probably be removed from her drawer or placed at the bottom, so there is less pulling out of clothes that aren't going to be worn.

 

Another thing you could do is set aside 5 minutes of every day for her to go into her closet and check her laundry basket etc. to make sure things are as they should be, for some period of time, and then stop it and see if things have improved.

[8circles]

You've gotten some great suggestions.  My 10 DS & 8 DS both do their own laundry.  They've both gone through periods of lots of clean clothes in the dirty hamper.  I get it because it is totally easier to throw it in there than re-folding & putting it in drawers.  Oldest is getting better.  DS8 is still struggling.  I just try to come alongside more than nag or scold afterward.

 

As to the pouring, could you buy the soap packets just for her?  I know they're more expensive but it might be worth it in this situation.  I buy them for my kids because our front-loader is too high for them to pour accurately  - it's even awkward for me sometimes.

[goldberry]

I have DD bring out her clothes.  I sort the clothes and if anything in there doesn't need to be washed I give it back to her to hang up/put away.   A large percentage doesn't need to be washed. Every single time.  DD consistently tries on clothes and then discards them into the dirty pile. Also, things that fall off the hangers in the closet go into the dirty pile.  Things that fall out of a drawer go into the dirty pile. 

 

I am hoping that eventually she will grow tired of having to go back and put it all away.  This has gone on for over a year.  I would say about 2 years.  But at least I am not washing all those clean clothes.

 

I have had to wash clean clothes that are excessively wrinkled.  I get very angry about that.  I'm thinking about making her start to iron them.

 

We have had lots of talks about respect for your belongings, things lasting longer when you take care of them, certain items especially that will degrade if they are washed all the time.  It gets better for awhile, then deteriorates again.

 

Just letting you know you are not alone!

[Amy in NH]

Some good suggestions here.

1.  Cut down on the amount of clothes she has.

2.  Move the laundry basket out of her room. 

3.  Get rid of the dresser and put in shelves instead.  She can't find what she's looking for in the dresser without making a mess.

[Tree Frog]

I went back and re read my OP and you are right- it does sound odd what I wrote and I wanted to clarify. I almost never tell dd what to wear, but every time I have, that item is dirty/smelly. Stuff like- please wear this leotard for dance today because you are wearing through your other (favorite) one or how about wearing that shirt/pants/dress that you begged me to buy you but now never wear. I don't insist she wear anything specific (I don't for any of my kids- even my 2 yo gets dressed alone most days) but I now and then I do make requests so that clothes I have spent money on actually see the light of day.

 

As for the bedding- she has pretty severe environmental allergies and I do think hot water is best for bedding/dust mites what not. We use hypoallergenic soap and I have noticed for whatever reason that bedding smells better after being washed in hot or sanitary cycle. Really my biggest beef with this is the bed sheet takes up half the load so she ends up doing laundry more frequently.

 

As for the soap- you don't know my but you just need to trust me on that one. I use a regular sized bottle. Dd can't pour anything without spilling or using it in excess. Yes, dh and I work to correct this with her but we are not making much progress. I kid you not and I wouldn't believe it either if I didn't live with this every day. She can't pour or measure anything without spilling. Ever. You should see my kitchen after she bakes. It's like a bomb went off. Flour everywhere, butter dropping off things, milk spilled. Every time. I can offer to pay her $10 to measure a 1/2 cup of milk without spilling and she just. can't. do. it.

 

I have tried more hangers for this kid and that was even worse. Stuff was always falling off and her closer was a disaster.

 

I do like your suggestion to cut down on clothes. I will do that next time she's at a friends house. I can't take clothes away while she's home- she won't part with anything willingly. I bet if I am selective as to what I make disappear she won't even notice they are gone. :)

 

For the bolded, I've found a degree of success when I tell the kids if there's anything clean in their dirty laundry, I will keep it and they will lose the privilege of wearing it. That gives them the chance to correct the problem and if they don't, they don't get their clothes back and usually motivates them to do better next time. Doing that sometimes causes tears, but it's the best was I've found to ensure they see the consequences of their actions. Would something like this work for you? I won't usually take items away from the kids (my youngest is 12) without them knowing about it. They need to understand why I'm removing said item, even if they don't agree with my decision.

 

With the pouring issue, it does sound like there is something else happening with your daughter. Could the 2 things be somehow related? Are there other struggles she has on a regular basis?

[plain jane]

Thanks, everyone.  You've given me a lot to think about and I'll see what I can implement.  This child has some processing issues that make "simple" solutions not that simple to implement with her.  She's also exceptionally "spacey" and lives "in her head", I'd venture to say 90% of the time so most of what she does is on auto pilot mode.  We are working to correct this, but add in the processing issues and it goes round and round full circle.  I'm not blowing off our discounting that she doesn't really know why the clothes end up there- most of what she does she just does without any forethought.  Time and time again I've asked her to be aware of her laundry and I had hoped that at her current age she'd be old enough to do purposeful tasks, but perhaps not.  

 

I did ask her to be honest- that I wasn't going to be upset if she just told me she was lazy or didn't like the smell or whatever... that I just wanted a reason why this kept happening.  She said she really didn't know.  :confused1:   I get this answer a lot.  It amazes me how much she will do in a day and then have no real recollection of having done it afterwards.  She'll put pots away in the wrong cupboard but then insist she never touched the pot at all when putting away dishes, etc.  That sort of thing.

 

I'm going to discuss with dh what ideas we can start to implement.  I'm not happy with the wear on her clothes.  Just last week one of her favorite dresses snagged on a pair of jeans (or something in the wash) and ripped.  :(  It's a knitted dress and can't really be fixed (also due to the location of the hole).  Worst part?  She hadn't worn the dress in weeks- it's one of those items that ended up in the wash and now it's ruined.  :(

[8circles]

Thanks, everyone.  You've given me a lot to think about and I'll see what I can implement.  This child has some processing issues that make "simple" solutions not that simple to implement with her.  She's also exceptionally "spacey" and lives "in her head", I'd venture to say 90% of the time so most of what she does is on auto pilot mode.  We are working to correct this, but add in the processing issues and it goes round and round full circle.  I'm not blowing off our discounting that she doesn't really know why the clothes end up there- most of what she does she just does without any forethought.  Time and time again I've asked her to be aware of her laundry and I had hoped that at her current age she'd be old enough to do purposeful tasks, but perhaps not.  

 

I did ask her to be honest- that I wasn't going to be upset if she just told me she was lazy or didn't like the smell or whatever... that I just wanted a reason why this kept happening.  She said she really didn't know.  :confused1:   I get this answer a lot.  It amazes me how much she will do in a day and then have no real recollection of having done it afterwards.  She'll put pots away in the wrong cupboard but then insist she never touched the pot at all when putting away dishes, etc.  That sort of thing.

 

I'm going to discuss with dh what ideas we can start to implement.  I'm not happy with the wear on her clothes.  Just last week one of her favorite dresses snagged on a pair of jeans (or something in the wash) and ripped.   :(  It's a knitted dress and can't really be fixed (also due to the location of the hole).  Worst part?  She hadn't worn the dress in weeks- it's one of those items that ended up in the wash and now it's ruined.   :(

Have you considered ADD/Innattentive type?  The spaciness sounds like that.

[SKL]

It amazes me how much she will do in a day and then have no real recollection of having done it afterwards.  She'll put pots away in the wrong cupboard but then insist she never touched the pot at all when putting away dishes, etc.  That sort of thing.

 

 

We have a family story of how my brother saw a tiny crack on the wall and started to pick at it.  After a while it was a rather large hole in the kitchen wall.  My mom said, "why did you do that!?" and my brother said, "What?  I didn't do it."  My mom said, "I saw you with my own eyes!"  He realized he must have done it, got flustered, and said "I didn't see myself."  Funny but not really that funny.  There was no "Aspergers" in those days, but that is probably what he had / has going on.

 

If your daughter doesn't notice these things when she's multi-tasking, I think it makes sense to send her in there as a separate task to put her unused clothes back away - every day.  She's old enough to understand why.

[Jeannie in NJ]

could you move the dresser and hamper out of her closet and hang up all her clothes?  That way, only clean clothes are in her closet, even if some fall off the hangers, they are still clean as there will be no dirty clothes hamper in her closet for them to get mixed up with.  You might have to get rid of the hamper from her room completely as if she is trying on clothes, she might just find it easier to toss them into the hamper rather than hang them back up.  Could she put her dirty clothes in your hamper or in the laundry room or anywhere else but her room?

[Trish]

Y'know when you mentioned she has problems with spilling soap and just about anything in the case of cooking, makes me think this is just an extension of that. Her clothes are SPILLING into the hamper. I do think fewer clothes will help. Less to spill!

 

I do my boys' laundry because I like it just so. Sometimes I have them help me so they will have those skills.

[LostSurprise]

Some good suggestions here.

1.  Cut down on the amount of clothes she has.

2.  Move the laundry basket out of her room. 

3.  Get rid of the dresser and put in shelves instead.  She can't find what she's looking for in the dresser without making a mess.

:iagree:

 

I think that summarizes the best advice. 

 

The reason most clean clothes ends up in the dirty basket is when they're taking clothing out they drop a bunch on the floor while they're sorting through the drawers. Later they don't remember why its on the floor and put it in the dirty basket. (Conversely some days they know there are clean clothes on the floor and end up putting dirty in with the clean). 

 

Do no let the clean clothes zone overlap with the dirty clothes zone. Make it easy to see what she has so she doesn't need to pull anything out to find something. Teach her to smell things or check the front for dirt if they end up on the floor.

 

It sounds like she's trying, the system just isn't working for her. 

[HS Mom in NC]

The solution we found to kids begging for clothes they didn't end up wearing was to figure out what we spend on their clothing every year, divide it by 24 (twice a month) and let them make their own choices.  We started that with out older two after they got curvy and needed a whole new wardrobe.  If they save up their clothing allowance and spend it on something that they don't wear, oh well. We don't have to get upset about it. We included in that budget allowances and cosmetics too.  Every 2 weeks they get a 24th of what we would spend on all those things for a year.  They do with it as they see fit.  They were 12 and 14 when we started that.

At first we did the cash in envelopes system.  After a year of them doing that with no problem we got them each a debit card that is technically one of our accounts so we can monitor it online and transfer the payments directly into them. (We can also transfer money in and send them on errands for us.)  If there are insufficient funds then the card is declined at the store, so we don't have to worry about them racking up debts.

 

  It's been WONDERFUL handing that over to them.  Until they can drive it's annoying to have to cart them around town all the time for shopping but now that they're 17 and 15 they can go together and shop and have sister time. Everyone is so much happier with the situation and they're learning life skills.