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soror

When do you stay home sick from church?

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Dd2 had a runny nose Friday. When she woke up yesterday she was coughing a bit and her nose was running but she didn't seem majorly affected, it seemed more like some sinus drainage. Well, last night dd1 and dd3 both started acting a bit under the weather. Now all my girls have a bit of a runny nose(clear fwiw) and dd 2 and dd1 are coughing some. I feel bad missing unless I personally feel really sick.

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Crazy you should be posting this today, because I'm home from church with my "sick" 18 month old!  I say, "sick", because she started having a running nose and slight congestion yesterday morning.  She has no other symptoms, and is being her normal happy self, but with lots of clear snot!  I kept her home because I know I would be upset if another parent brought their snotty baby to church and exposed my child to whatever they may have.  When it comes to sickness, I'd rather be safe than sorry, even though it means missing out on church. :(

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Well, dh and ds are supposed to be getting back in time for us all to go to church together(although they might be going by the campground if they don't make it here). I'm thinking if they don't make it back in time then I'll be staying home w/ the girls but if they do I just might take ds w/ me.

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I would make the standard if you can go without making others sick.  If it's one kid, you could just keep them with you, no problem.  With 3 kids all sharing germs and getting sick so quickly, I would stay home to keep from spreading it to others.

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You're actually less likely to spread infections if only *you* are sick than if your small children are sick (though I still think you should stay home if it were only you). Since it's spread fairly quickly in your household, it's much more likely to be something pretty contagious than just something like allergies.

 

"Love your neighbor as yourself"  ---love the people whose situations you don't know---the person with asthma for whom  your child's "slight cold" may mean nebulizer treatments and extended illness, the person who could spread that illness to a family member undergoing chemo, the person who may get much sicker from the same virus and doesn't get paid if they have to call in to work sick so goes in and spreads it to many more people, even just the other people who may catch the virus and then have to miss church themselves next week.

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Thank you for making feel better about this decision. I just feel guilty staying home. I know that seems illogical I should feel guilt for possibly spreading germs more than guilt for staying home.

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Thank you for making feel better about this decision. I just feel guilty staying home. I know that seems illogical I should feel guilt for possibly spreading germs more than guilt for staying home.

Why don't you just do homechurch for today? Sing a hymn or two, read a favorite Bible passage, watch a church service on TV or the internet? It will be ok. No need to feel guilty to stay home.

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Thank you for making feel better about this decision. I just feel guilty staying home. I know that seems illogical I should feel guilt for possibly spreading germs more than guilt for staying home.

Yeah, I can tell you that I would be none too happy if you brought kids like that and made me sick. (I tend to not get all the way sick but just have it hold on for weeks.)  People in that position will not tell you what happened, which is probably why you don't feel guilty.  It will happen though, because it's not possible to take three sick, communicable kids out and not have them make others sick and leave a trail of germs.  Many churches do not do any adequate job washing toys, etc., and if they do have a sick child policy they probably won't let your kids in the nursery.  If they do let sick kids in the nursery, that might be why your kids are sick.  You might use this as your impetus to check their toy washing policy.

 

Oh, and I got very clued into this, because my SIL has a bunch of kids and gets frustrated when people knowingly expose one of her kids to something they KNOW is communicable.  It starts a cascade and then the whole house is sick because one person thought it was so important to do xyz with their sick kid along.  It really is about deferring to others.

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Yep, keep sick kids home. Frankly I think adults spread it to each other a lot less, but still I wouldn't want to go coughing and sniffling on everyone.

 

As for me at this stage of life, sometimes I take personal days off from church. ;)

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Dd2 had a runny nose Friday. When she woke up yesterday she was coughing a bit and her nose was running but she didn't seem majorly affected, it seemed more like some sinus drainage. Well, last night dd1 and dd3 both started acting a bit under the weather. Now all my girls have a bit of a runny nose(clear fwiw) and dd 2 and dd1 are coughing some. I feel bad missing unless I personally feel really sick.

For me, it all depends. I don't stay home for myself unless I'm super sick, like throwing up, or if I have a major kidney stone attack going on. So I really never stay home for me.

If the kids have a cough or runny nose and no fever, we go.

I only keep the kids home if they have a fever. And just the kid with the fever. Or throwing up, I guess, I would too, but I've never had one throwing up with no fever.

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Personally, I think staying home for just a cold is overkill. If snot is mostly clear & no fever/vomiting then we go.

 

It sounds like just a cold so I would go.

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You're actually less likely to spread infections if only *you* are sick than if your small children are sick (though I still think you should stay home if it were only you). Since it's spread fairly quickly in your household, it's much more likely to be something pretty contagious than just something like allergies.

 

"Love your neighbor as yourself" ---love the people whose situations you don't know---the person with asthma for whom your child's "slight cold" may mean nebulizer treatments and extended illness, the person who could spread that illness to a family member undergoing chemo, the person who may get much sicker from the same virus and doesn't get paid if they have to call in to work sick so goes in and spreads it to many more people, even just the other people who may catch the virus and then have to miss church themselves next week.

 

Thank you for this! I have pretty hardcore asthma...someone's "minor cold" is my bronchitis with some prednisone and nebulizer treatments thrown in. For at least a week, more often two. Please remember that while it may not be outwardly apparent, there may be tons of people in your congregation for which a cold is anything but minor!!

 

I feel you because I love my church and am sad to miss, but it's worth it. There's no reason for you to harbor guilty feelings as you have a legitimate reason for staying home.

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Personally, I think staying home for just a cold is overkill. If snot is mostly clear & no fever/vomiting then we go.

 

It sounds like just a cold so I would go.

The trouble is that what is "just a cold" to them could be much more to someone who is immune compromised and churches are filled with people in close quarters and often a lot of older people or those with health problems.

 

If I wouldn't send a kid to a playgroup or a class or scouts on account of the illness they don't go to church. It is hard to decide where to draw the line.

 

Certainly though soror shouldn't feel guilty for missing church to let three under the weather kids rest. Life is too short for needless guilt.

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The trouble is that what is "just a cold" to them could be much more to someone who is immune compromised and churches are filled with people in close quarters and often a lot of older people or those with health problems.

 

We learned that lesson the hard way.  Four weeks in the hospital with our son after taking him to Mass for his baptism, two of which were in the PICU and one of those was with him intubated.

 

Please stay home if you have a runny nose.  It might be a little cold; it might be RSV.  It might be the very first stages of the flu.

 

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I have frequently stayed home with a sick kid.  Now my kids are old enough to stay home alone, so I don't have to skip it. 

 

There is no reason to feel guilty.  Listen to a sermon online, do some singing, have an extended prayer time while a child naps.  Or just hang out with your kids and be Jesus to them.   They are a higher priority for you than church. :grouphug:

 

My church meets again on Sunday nights, so if I was home with a sick kid in the morning, I would go at night while my husband was home. 

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The trouble is that what is "just a cold" to them could be much more to someone who is immune compromised and churches are filled with people in close quarters and often a lot of older people or those with health problems.

I don't disagree - but we would be home all winter long & half of spring/summer/fall if we didn't go anywhere due to runny noses.  I don't see that as reasonable.  We wipe noses ASAP, wash hands as often as we can, & use hand sanitizer.

 

If I wouldn't send a kid to a playgroup or a class or scouts on account of the illness they don't go to church. It is hard to decide where to draw the line.

Neither would I.  I wouldn't keep my kids home from anything for a runny nose with no fever.  This hasn't gone against any illness policies of any group we've been a part of.  Is this unusual?

 

Certainly though soror shouldn't feel guilty for missing church to let three under the weather kids rest. Life is too short for needless guilt.

I totally agree.  I don't think anyone should feel guilt for missing church for any reason, let alone letting someone rest.  I just wouldn't stay home for the runny nose in the OP.

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Oh, and I got very clued into this, because my SIL has a bunch of kids and gets frustrated when people knowingly expose one of her kids to something they KNOW is communicable.  It starts a cascade and then the whole house is sick because one person thought it was so important to do xyz with their sick kid along.  It really is about deferring to others.

:iagree:

 

When my kids get sick it is usually something caught at church.  Then it passes from one kid to the other and it affects us for a couple weeks.  

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I keep the kid(s) home if they are likely to spread germs to other kids. I do this even if they are feeling quite well.

I do, too, even if it's just a cold. Even if the people you might infect aren't immunocompromised, who wants to catch a cold if they can avoid it?

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Dh stayed home w/ the girls and I took ds. Fwiw we don't have Sunday School here so kids really don't have contact w/ other kids at church, so I don't think there is a huge risk of passing like there is in many churches but I think it was good for them to take it easy at home and we didn't risk the chance of infecting someone else.

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Whenever I can get way with it. No, that's bad. I do like church, but honestly, sometimes I just want a quiet morning alone. Regarding kids.... I wait at least 24 hours after a fever or vomiting quits. Runny nose.... it's hard around here because everyone has allergies. And those aren't contagious. I try to be on the safe side, though, and play it conservatively.

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If people have colds I would prefer they stay home. To one person it may be a simple cold but to another it is a serious illness.

 

If people have allergies then that is one thing but if someone is actually sick, even if it is just a cold I prefer they stay home. IMO that includes adults. I have asthma if another adult got me sick I would be very annoyed. 

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If people have colds I would prefer they stay home. To one person it may be a simple cold but to another it is a serious illness.

 

If people have allergies then that is one thing but if someone is actually sick, even if it is just a cold I prefer they stay home. IMO that includes adults. I have asthma if another adult got me sick I would be very annoyed.

I agree. My son has wound up in the hospital with respiratory illnesses that were minor for other people. We actually wind up staying home from church in the winter a lot when I know other people are sick. So backwards! Thank you for keeping your kids home when they are sick!

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Just for my own curiosity, I googled "sick child nursery policy" just now.  You can do it and see what you think.  What I noticed was that paid nurseries operated on the assumption that anything like a cold the kids got had already been contagious and exposing the other kids prior to symptoms appearing, so they didn't care.  Something more nasty contagious (chicken pox, whatever), that was a no go.  When you looked at the gym policy, they were pretty strict on no sick, with the suggestion that your guiding line be whether you'd want a kid with those symptoms sitting near your kid.  The churches however were MUCH more strict with the published sick child policies.  Some churches don't have this, don't wash toys, etc. (bad, bad).  You can see the difference there though in exposure. If a kid gets a cold in nursery school or preschool, he probably got it from those kids and they were all exposed.  It's a different population set at church, hence the need to exercise more care and consideration about who you're spreading it to.  

 

I keep my kids home from church if they're coughing, because one I don't want them to disturb things and two they actually need to REST to get well.  Sunday/ the Sabbath was primarily given as a day of REST, and I really take that literally for a child who's borderline sick.  Maybe the best thing is for them to get that extra rest and be well the next day.

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Just for my own curiosity, I googled "sick child nursery policy" just now.  You can do it and see what you think.  What I noticed was that paid nurseries operated on the assumption that anything like a cold the kids got had already been contagious and exposing the other kids prior to symptoms appearing, so they didn't care.  Something more nasty contagious (chicken pox, whatever), that was a no go.  When you looked at the gym policy, they were pretty strict on no sick, with the suggestion that your guiding line be whether you'd want a kid with those symptoms sitting near your kid.  The churches however were MUCH more strict with the published sick child policies.  Some churches don't have this, don't wash toys, etc. (bad, bad).  You can see the difference there though in exposure. If a kid gets a cold in nursery school or preschool, he probably got it from those kids and they were all exposed.  It's a different population set at church, hence the need to exercise more care and consideration about who you're spreading it to.  

 

I keep my kids home from church if they're coughing, because one I don't want them to disturb things and two they actually need to REST to get well.  Sunday/ the Sabbath was primarily given as a day of REST, and I really take that literally for a child who's borderline sick.  Maybe the best thing is for them to get that extra rest and be well the next day.

 

I think this also speaks to the nature of a frankly optional activity like a Sunday church service vs a daycare/preschool used to allow parents to earn a living. Before I get flamed, yes, participating in one's religious community is important--I strive not to miss services myself-- but there is a major difference. Choosing not to take sick children (or adults) to an optional activity and risk infecting dozens or more people who have no more time to be sick than I do is not the same as having to make the choice between staying home with a sick kid or being paid (since there are unfortunately many folks who don't have paid sick leave for when they themselves are sick or a partner who does not work and is able to stay with a sick child or children).

 

Also, as a Sunday school teacher, does anyone really want to deal with a kid who doesn't feel well, much less a class full of them, because their parents felt guilty about not coming to one church service? I imagine the teachers are grateful when kids who are borderline sick stay home rather than judging the parents for missing service.

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Just to be clear though we are Catholic, there is no nursery or Sunday school, the kids stay with me the entire service, every week. There is no playing with other kids, the only real contact is the sign of peace. Usually we take up a fair amount of one pew so we don't have people right besides us either. We generally have people who sit in front of us though and our contact with them varies.

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Personally, I think staying home for just a cold is overkill. If snot is mostly clear & no fever/vomiting then we go.

 

It sounds like just a cold so I would go.

 

But...don't you feel bad spreading that cold to everyone? Especially if there are people in your congregation with fragile immune systems? New babies? Etc?

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I keep the kid(s) home if they are likely to spread germs to other kids.  I do this even if they are feeling quite well.

 

 

This should be the real standard. If they are contagious, keep them home. 3 kids with runny noses are obviously contagious. 

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Just to be clear though we are Catholic, there is no nursery or Sunday school, the kids stay with me the entire service, every week. There is no playing with other kids, the only real contact is the sign of peace. Usually we take up a fair amount of one pew so we don't have people right besides us either. We generally have people who sit in front of us though and our contact with them varies.

 I would imagine sneezing on someone would still be possible, plus your kids, like mine, probably touch the back of the pew in front of them, which people at the next service will touch. 

 

Taking care of the sick is a valid reason to miss Mass. 

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Just to be clear though we are Catholic, there is no nursery or Sunday school, the kids stay with me the entire service, every week. There is no playing with other kids, the only real contact is the sign of peace. Usually we take up a fair amount of one pew so we don't have people right besides us either. We generally have people who sit in front of us though and our contact with them varies.

 

 

Realized I should fess up, after my moralizing. I HAVE taken a sick baby to church, one that wasn't sneezing or coughing, and carried them in my baby carrier on my chest. We stood in the narthex and he slept while I listened. We didn't get close to anyone, and I didn't shake hands with anyone during the peace. I felt that was probably pretty safe. But he was contained totally, and like I said, not sneezing or coughing, just a mild fever. 

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We haven't been to Mass in months. One issue being a very, very, very hyper newly mobile babe... but the real kicker is that we haven't been germ free in months. Between bronchitis, sinus infections, and a nasty vomiting virus, I haven't risked it. I wanted to start attending daily Mass with my youngest to get him used to Mass in less crowded atmosphere, but the daily Masses tend to have more elderly and, well, I just don't want to risk it. Everything we've had is obviously contagious; when one of us starts feeling better, it isn't 24 hours before the next comes down with whatever is going around. This past week has been solid vomiting - one person right after the other.

 

We'd been so spoiled with homeschooling that we hadn't taken into consideration all of the FUN stuff our eldest would now be bringing home with her from school :P

 

I have a medically fragile child. Those who believe a runny nose is no reason to stay home, without ever having the ability to know if a runny nose is ONLY that, or the start of something bigger, is the main reason we were advised to keep him completely isolated (including church) for 6 months or so after his primary lung surgery. After his primary operation, he hadn't been out 24 hours when he had to be rushed back with a fever and a collapsing lung - he had contracted an infection of some kind and was in for another couple weeks (totaling over a month in the hospital).

 

Even now we have to be careful and I try VERY hard to have the same consideration for others, even though we no longer keep Nic isolated - I know what it's like to have something seem very minor at first, only to escalate to life threatening for someone with a compromised immune system. It's hard for me to shake the fear of not knowing what's in the pew next to us as it is... even though Nic is years post op, he is still so fragile physically... that I spend most of Mass worrying about him AND trying to contain the Mobile Monster (lol).

 

Kids seem to spread things SO much quicker than adults!

 

When in doubt, don't.

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We stay home if there is any doubt, but we've been in the situation of having an immune-compromised family member, waiting months for a surgery date that will be cancelled if they get sick, etc.

 

Not everyone in the congregation gets that of course.  There are some who seem to take pleasure in dragging themselves in, no matter how sick. It drives me crazy, but they're not likely to change.

 

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Our church has a strict sick policy. If you have snot or a fever(in the last 24 hours) you may not be in the nursery. Period.

 

 

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If I'm very ill I do not go. If I've got a cold I may or may not go (more likely than not I will not go). I know not to cough or sneeze on people. I know not to shake hands. I know to sit at the end of pew as isolated as I can. Sick or not I do not drink from the communion cup (if I am not sick I dip my wafer, if I am sick I abstain). I trust other adults to be cautious if they go to church while mildly ill as well. 

 

If one of my dc is sick I stay home with the sick child. I actually would be more strict about this than at a licensed day care. Most church nurseries are not licensed childcares or preschools. They do not follow the same level of toy cleaning practices. 

 

Let's face it, a little kid with germs is going to spread germs. He will especially spread germs if he's "just a little sick" because he will have the energy to run around. 

 

If you feel you must get to services, trade off with dh or ask a neighbor, but leave the child home. 

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It's not kind or loving to go around in public while your entire family is sick.

 

The fact that you are Catholic does affect my opinion because then the kids won't be going to nursery and you can scoot in and out in the back pews within it really sharing too many germs. In that case, if one or two of your kids has a little sniffle then go.

 

But To me, if your entire family is coughing then really, stay home. You are going to get so many people sick. Coughs really spread germs.

 

If you are not sure, ask your priest. See what he says. It's been a long time since I was Catholic so I may be forgetting the importance of attending weekly.

 

As a born again Christian now, I take communion and fellowship seriously but there's no rule or command about the exact frequency. I know God commands us to fellowship with a body of believes and to love those people, pray with and for them, share with them, give to the poor, open my home, etc. We have communion once a month and we do our best to get there. And tradition has The Lord's Day occurring on every Sunday. But I feel no guilt when I stay home with suck children. I feel I am loving others by not getting them sick.

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Our church has a strict sick policy. If you have snot or a fever(in the last 24 hours) you may not be in the nursery. Period.

I wish all churches had this.

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If someone in the family is likely to be contagious, they stay home. When they were younger, one parent would stay with them.

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Our church has a strict sick policy. If you have snot or a fever(in the last 24 hours) you may not be in the nursery. Period.

 

 

I wish all churches had this.

 

I don't have little ones anymore, but I remember during certain times of the year it was ridiculous.  If I put one in the nursery on Sunday morning, by Wednesday I'd have a sick child, then we'd all end up missing church for the next two weeks as it made it's way through our family.  Eventually I just stopped putting my kids in the nursery.  It just wasn't worth it to me.

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This should be the real standard. If they are contagious, keep them home. 3 kids with runny noses are obviously contagious. 

 

Except when they aren't.  :rolleyes:

 

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but some of these replies seem a little high-horsey to me... I mean, seriously?  Every runny nose is a cold?  Every runny nose is contagious?

Obviously no one you know has allergies, if that is the case.  It's not hard AT ALL for a parent who has a kid with allergies to tell when a kid has runny nose/cough symptoms due to allergies and runny nose/cough symptoms due to something contagious. 

So how about you (general you) just take that as it is and not accuse people of not being loving/wanting to get others sick, or try to keep them at home 9 months out of the year?  :rolleyes:

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It would be best if the whole family stayed home from church.  Church (at least, any good one) gives no penalties for missing if you or family are sick and you are trying not to share the infection with others.  Instead it is laudable.  Since it is spreading through your family you can be certain that you are at least a carrier at this point and can spread the disease to others.  Most of these viruses and bacterial infections cause their hosts to be contagious days before symptoms show up.

 

I agree with Twigs -- do homechurch.  You can include the sickly ones, then, and they won't have to miss or feel left out.  And you can lead prayers specifically for each one's rapid recovery and good health.  Make is a special small occasion -- you might find it catching on as part of your family's "get well" traditions.

 

 

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Except when they aren't.  :rolleyes:

 

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but some of these replies seem a little high-horsey to me... I mean, seriously?  Every runny nose is a cold?  Every runny nose is contagious?

Obviously no one you know has allergies, if that is the case.  It's not hard AT ALL for a parent who has a kid with allergies to tell when a kid has runny nose/cough symptoms due to allergies and runny nose/cough symptoms due to something contagious. 

So how about you (general you) just take that as it is and not accuse people of not being loving/wanting to get others sick, or try to keep them at home 9 months out of the year?  :rolleyes:

 

Sorry, I should have clarified "if not allergies". I figured if it was allergies the OP wouldn't have asked if she should go. I think she mentioned coughing as well, the way it spread from one to another, etc. 

 

We do have allergies, and I get that that is different. But most of the time I can tell which it is. 

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Except when they aren't.  :rolleyes:

 

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but some of these replies seem a little high-horsey to me... I mean, seriously?  Every runny nose is a cold?  Every runny nose is contagious?

Obviously no one you know has allergies, if that is the case.  It's not hard AT ALL for a parent who has a kid with allergies to tell when a kid has runny nose/cough symptoms due to allergies and runny nose/cough symptoms due to something contagious. 

So how about you (general you) just take that as it is and not accuse people of not being loving/wanting to get others sick, or try to keep them at home 9 months out of the year?  :rolleyes:

ummm, as a parent with a kid with allergies I get what you are saying, but the OP SAID that her kids are sick and the context of this entire thread is sickness.

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The trouble is that what is "just a cold" to them could be much more to someone who is immune compromised and churches are filled with people in close quarters and often a lot of older people or those with health problems.

I don't disagree - but we would be home all winter long & half of spring/summer/fall if we didn't go anywhere due to runny noses.  I don't see that as reasonable.  We wipe noses ASAP, wash hands as often as we can, & use hand sanitizer.

 

If I wouldn't send a kid to a playgroup or a class or scouts on account of the illness they don't go to church. It is hard to decide where to draw the line.

Neither would I.  I wouldn't keep my kids home from anything for a runny nose with no fever.  This hasn't gone against any illness policies of any group we've been a part of.  Is this unusual?

 

Certainly though soror shouldn't feel guilty for missing church to let three under the weather kids rest. Life is too short for needless guilt.

I totally agree.  I don't think anyone should feel guilt for missing church for any reason, let alone letting someone rest.  I just wouldn't stay home for the runny nose in the OP.

 

It's not that unusual. People have different convictions.  There's always that one or two moms in the group who always brings their sick kids everywhere.  And for a mom with a kid with asthma and another with a larynx issue that requires steroids, I sometimes have to really hold back on being mad.  I don't understand why some people just don't care about making others sick.

 

But then there are the times where it's a tiny sniffle or a difficult judgement call.  So I try to always think "She had a really good reason for coming today" and ask God to give me protection, and kindness and to not be annoyed and critical.  So far, I have been praying over this very issue this season, that God would take away my anger over this issue, and replace with trust in HIm.

 

So far, He has really met me!  He sent an AWESOME new asthma doctor that sees kids immediately whenever there is possibility of bronchitis and also their nurses take calls over the phone and actually CALL BACK right away and tell me what to do with all the meds. My dd has a cold and so far has not needed prednisone this time.  She got sick from someone somewhere, but God is protecting her anyway and sending only what I can handle.  So I'm trying really hard to have a trusting heart over this issue.

 

Then this thread pops up, with someone asking what they should do and I'm like, "Yay..someone cares.  Yes please stay home.  A cold for you is all night and all day treatments for us, doctor's visits, medications, and charts on the wall." 

 

My kids are going to get sick.  Your kids are going to get sick.  We will sometimes have to go out when they are sick due to not being sure what to do, or due to a prior commitment we really have to keep, etc. etc.  

 

But in the end, for the most part, I still think people should stay home when their kids are sick, barring a serious prior commitment that you can't get out of, etc.  Even then, it's still a judgement call...

 

It's hard, this whole issue.

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The trouble is that what is "just a cold" to them could be much more to someone who is immune compromised and churches are filled with people in close quarters and often a lot of older people or those with health problems.

I don't disagree - but we would be home all winter long & half of spring/summer/fall if we didn't go anywhere due to runny noses.  I don't see that as reasonable.  We wipe noses ASAP, wash hands as often as we can, & use hand sanitizer.

 

 

See, we are the family that will be stuck home all winter long because someone didn't stay home with a cold or worse illness. My kids get sick, bring it to me and I get sick for weeks/months.  It makes me flat out angry that people do not stay home when they have an illness.

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See, we are the family that will be stuck home all winter long because someone didn't stay home with a cold or worse illness. My kids get sick, bring it to me and I get sick for weeks/months.  It makes me flat out angry that people do not stay home when they have an illness.

I understand how you feel, really I do.  I think what is happening in this thread is some people are speaking in generalities & other are speaking about their specific situation - & they aren't the same.  

 

To the PP who asked if I'd feel sorry if I made someone seriously ill - of course I would.  But I don't think that my policy of being in public with a runny nose is unreasonable.  I do know some people with compromised immune systems & I am always sensitive to that when I know we'll see them & I call & check if I'm unsure.  I have even asked my pediatrician (whose specialty is asthma) & he doesn't recommend keeping runny noses/minor coughs at home either.  I also have a child who had Reactive Airway Disease, several children who need neb treatments/steriods at least once/year so I'm familiar with how these can progress from minor to serious.  I'll also say that this issue is similar to children with food allergies - my oldest has multiple nut allergies - so I also know from that perspective.  What can we expect/request from the general public regarding my child's allergens?

 

The OP asked a generality of when do you stay home from church.  I answered in my generality of my rule of thumb.  I think it's reasonable.  Yes, I do my best to keep my kid's germs away from others - at all times, but especially when they have what I consider to be "the common cold".  But as a general rule I don't keep them home for these symptoms because I don't think that's reasonable.

 

Fever, excessive coughing, non-stop nose faucet or colored snot, vomiting, child not feeling well in general with more minor symptoms?  We stay home.

For runny nose, minor coughing, child feeling basically well, we go.  That's what my pediatrician advises as well.

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I understand how you feel, really I do.  I think what is happening in this thread is some people are speaking in generalities & other are speaking about their specific situation - & they aren't the same.  

 

To the PP who asked if I'd feel sorry if I made someone seriously ill - of course I would.  But I don't think that my policy of being in public with a runny nose is unreasonable.  I do know some people with compromised immune systems & I am always sensitive to that when I know we'll see them & I call & check if I'm unsure.  I have even asked my pediatrician (whose specialty is asthma) & he doesn't recommend keeping runny noses/minor coughs at home either.  I also have a child who had Reactive Airway Disease, several children who need neb treatments/steriods at least once/year so I'm familiar with how these can progress from minor to serious.  I'll also say that this issue is similar to children with food allergies - my oldest has multiple nut allergies - so I also know from that perspective.  What can we expect/request from the general public regarding my child's allergens?

 

The OP asked a generality of when do you stay home from church.  I answered in my generality of my rule of thumb.  I think it's reasonable.  Yes, I do my best to keep my kid's germs away from others - at all times, but especially when they have what I consider to be "the common cold".  But as a general rule I don't keep them home for these symptoms because I don't think that's reasonable.

 

Fever, excessive coughing, non-stop nose faucet or colored snot, vomiting, child not feeling well in general with more minor symptoms?  We stay home.

For runny nose, minor coughing, child feeling basically well, we go.  That's what my pediatrician advises as well.

 

I understand what you're saying, but this is how we wound up only leaving the house to go to doctor's appointments and therapy.  It's why I eventually had to hang a sign on our son's carrier asking people to stay back and don't touch.  It's why quite a few times I had to physically remove him areas where I'd hoped people wouldn't bring sick children, such as the well-visit room at our pediatrician's office.  I understand that staying home for a runny nose and small cough is limiting, but it is literally life and death for some people.

 

Most churches are close quarters.  You're sitting right next to other people in the pews, either next to you or or in front of you or behind you.  You're touching the backs of the pews, the hymnals, the missals, etc.  I just don't see the point of putting other people at risk.

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