Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 So now. Barely 5 months into this grief.....he has found someone. I am not surprised. But my heart aches. I am on chat with my friend's mom now.....sobbing because it seems so hard even though I am not surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't seem right or fair, sometimes, that life keeps going on. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 How does a grandmother survive her daughters death and then her granddaughter taken away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 She told my son she is scared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Sorry, Scarlett, I've missed something. How would her gdd be taken away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Sorry, Scarlett, I've missed something. How would her gdd be taken away? He is re marrying and moving out of state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 He is re marrying and moving out of state. Oh, the poor grandparents! Is he planning on letting his daughter remain in consistent contact with her maternal grandparents? Have they asked? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 OK. Outsider perspective. She's not losing her gdd. There's going to be more of a distance, but the relationship is not ending. Although, I admit to shock that someone would remarry so quickly. I would think that they'd want to give the child more chance to get to know their intended spouse than that, after losing her mother. And any kid, facing that sort of change is going to be scared. Poor kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 OK. Outsider perspective. She's not losing her gdd. There's going to be more of a distance, but the relationship is not ending. Although, I admit to shock that someone would remarry so quickly. I would think that they'd want to give the child more chance to get to know their intended spouse than that, after losing her mother. And any kid, facing that sort of change is going to be scared. Poor kid. Yes....there is no animosity between grandmother and father....but this is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I am about to have a heart attack. He has met someone on line....they are considering relocating.....him from AR her from Canada....to Florida. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Yes....there is no animosity between grandmother and father....but this is hard. I'm glad there's no animosity. That's a HUGE thing. I am about to have a heart attack. He has met someone on line....they are considering relocating.....him from AR her from Canada....to Florida. OK, I think they may both be a bit...hasty. (Hasty sounds better than criminally stupidly impulsive) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 How does one survive that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I just don't know how to even talk to any of them. I don't wish the father to be alone and lonely.........but I want my girl to stay close by! I am scared and sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: that must be hard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Do they have jobs in Florida? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 How does one survive that? There are a lot of families that move long distance, due to jobs, etc. Military families, for example. It's not the distance, it's the rest of the situation that makes me concerned. Bringing in a new parental figure, that HE doesn't even know that well, into his daughter's life, the immigration issues, then ALSO moving her so far from her support system...that, to me, is incredibly selfish and short sighted. If it were only ONE of those issues, that would be manageable. To do all of it, all at once...that's irresponsible, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 There are a lot of families that move long distance, due to jobs, etc. Military families, for example. It's not the distance, it's the rest of the situation that makes me concerned. Bringing in a new parental figure, that HE doesn't even know that well, into his daughter's life, the immigration issues, then ALSO moving her so far from her support system...that, to me, is incredibly selfish and short sighted. If it were only ONE of those issues, that would be manageable. To do all of it, all at once...that's irresponsible, imo. Sob. Yes. I am in tears tonight. She skypes my son. a day or more later he 'mentions' it. It is heartbreaking to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Unfortunately, all you can do is be supportive and encouraging. Otherwise, he may take it as unwelcome interference, which would have a negative impact on any future relationship. I am truly sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Unfortunately, all you can do is be supportive and encouraging. Otherwise, he may take it as unwelcome interference, which would have a negative impact on any future relationship. I am truly sorry. I am on line with the grandmother tonight. I will be supportive and encouraging. I know it could be so much worse. I am grateful for what I have with this child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so very sorry. It just shreds the heart... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 It is so surreal. I was not feeling well last night and went to bed early....before 9. This morning my ds casually mentions that 'friend' is moving to Florida. As a side note. Like, oh, I am going to the zoo next week because I have a free pass. Crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so sorry, Scarlett. Many hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Thanks everyone. I just can't believe it. I look at pictures of us together, mothering our kids, joking about how they 'love' each other....wondering if we will someday be in laws and then BAM! she is dead and he is moving on. I just can't take it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry. Widowers almost never stay single long but you would hope he would put his daughter's needs first. Just keep communicating so if this falls apart they can come to you for support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry. Widowers almost never stay single long but you would hope he would put his daughter's needs first. Just keep communicating so if this falls apart they can come to you for support. Thank you. His choices are not off the wall.He searched within our religion......and I have no reason to suspect she is not suitable. I am just scared. And feeling motherly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I am so incredibly sorry!!!! ((((hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerka528 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry it's a rough go, Scarlett. I'm not so surprised one could be ready to move on that quickly, and his daughter might even be ready too (we don't know based solely on what you've written tonight), but it's still going to be hard no matter what, and I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling. ...... the immigration issues ........ This is not nothing. We have a young man in our parish who's been engaged to his Canadian sweetheart for two years and there's still no end in sight regarding her being given the freedom to move to the USA to marry him. They're hoping and hoping some more that the wedding will happen this year, but there's still no date set, and she's still terrified wherever she crosses the border to come see him. She doesn't tell border security that she's engaged to an American man for fear that will cause a stall in something or that they won't let her in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Perhaps he did some of his grieving while his wife was ill, if she was ill for a long time. Perhaps she encouraged him to marry again quickly because she didn't want him to be alone. We just don't know what passed between your dear friend and her husband. I'm sure it hurts like the dickens. I'm so sorry--try to offer them blessings and take your hurts to God. Pray, pray, pray for them so they have a great marriage and for them not to cause more hurt to the little one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry too... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Scarlett, I'm so sorry. Many prayers for you all. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Gosh, I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 We have two young adults in our church (we live in Canada) who both married Americans spouses. One spouse is in the states and the other in Canada. They can visit for 48 hours but then have to come back to their own countries. Everyone tried to warn them not to do this, to make sure the paper work was all done before they got married, but they were young and in love, and didn't listen. One of the couples even got married at a destination wedding figuring that would "help" them allow the other to enter the U.S to live and work there. Oh soooo wrong! Now, 5 years later for that one couple and they haven't spent the equivalent of a year together yet. Please, please, please encourage him to look into the laws for her to come live in the states as a spouse. Make sure they have all their paper work properly done before they act on this. It's hard enough being married without border guards blocking your marriage add in a child! Wow, I'd want to make sure everything was perfect before I walked into that arrangement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Thanks everyone. I friended the new girlfriend on FB just now. I had no idea immigration was such a big deal for a Canadian marrying an American. Wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 So the paperwork has to be done before the marriage? If not it delays permission even further? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 1, 2014 Author Share Posted March 1, 2014 Perhaps he did some of his grieving while his wife was ill, if she was ill for a long time. Perhaps she encouraged him to marry again quickly because she didn't want him to be alone. We just don't know what passed between your dear friend and her husband. I'm sure it hurts like the dickens. I'm so sorry--try to offer them blessings and take your hurts to God. Pray, pray, pray for them so they have a great marriage and for them not to cause more hurt to the little one. She was sick for 4 years. So I am sure he did do a lot of his grieving before she died. I am not fundamentally opposed to it. I just hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 So the paperwork has to be done before the marriage? If not it delays permission even further? Not sure, but I think it's better if it is. That's why the couple in our parish hasn't married yet. They want everything done first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I am so sorry. Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm so sorry, Scarlett. it's an awful lot of pain for you to carry. The daughter is very lucky to have you. Not wishing it this way, but the paperwork issues may slow things down in a way that is beneficial for all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Oh, my goodness! I am so sorry for the loss of such a young mother. So sorry for her dd. Cancer sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks all. Some of you may not realize this is an old thread. She died mid September. I posted again last night because her husband is dating and maybe getting married soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Hugs and prayers. I'm so sorry,. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks all. Some of you may not realize this is an old thread. She died mid September. I posted again last night because her husband is dating and maybe getting married soon. Just a suggestion that you edit the original post with UPDATED in red or something with today's date and the information about the husband. People are just reading the first post and replying to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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