Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Just curious. Where I come from, neighbors always showed up to help. When we moved into our new neighborhood a few weeks ago, in a place where we don't know anybody so it was just us, we spent TWO SOLID DAYS unloading the truck by ourselves. It was so hard! I wasn't resentful at all of our neighbors, all of whom we completely adore, actually. I didn't really think about it. It wasn't until we were finished unloading that I realized it was just kind of different from what we're used to. But I did vow to myself that I would never watch someone move in by themselves without helping. Our neighborhood is new construction, so we've had a couple new neighbors move in since we did. One of them had professional movers, so I'm obviously not going to mess with that. But the others are a couple in their 50s. They were unloading their truck all by themselves yesterday, so I went over to help (dh had a school thing all day--such unfortunate timing). There were a bunch of really heavy things that I couldn't help with, so I actually went around to the other neighbors to try and round up some bodies. They all had lame excuses like, "Oh, I've been mowing the lawn all day. I'm too tired." "We were just about to head out." (They never left.) And one, my favorite person, said, "Hey, my husband and I unloaded our truck all by ourselves, too." I just thought it was so weird that NOBODY would help. The fact that we all did it ourselves, too, should make us realize how unbelievably exhausting it is! I ended up begging these new neighbors to take a break and wait for today so my dh could help (which he is now doing). Is this normal??? I mean, it's not like we're surrounded by a bunch of jerks. These are really great neighbors. But even the guy I was helping yesterday seemed shocked that someone would volunteer to help move. I told him that's normal where I'm from, and he told me that where he's from, when people see you working they hide out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We also recently moved into a new construction neighborhood. We've never had neighbors offer to help and didn't on this last move, either. I never even thought that someone would offer. I will say that I've watched two families move in across the street. One moved in the middle of the night, so no, I didn't even think of helping them. The other family, I actually was thinking we should go help them, but people are so impersonal these days that I just couldn't bring myself to offer. Had they asked, I would have gone in a heartbeat, though. So, to answer your question, no, it's not something people do around here; at least in our area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 At times we've had help show up. At others not so much. One elderly neighbor brought over food which we greatly appreciated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We have friends who expected us to come help. I didn't quite understand that since they had moved twice in about a one year period, and they never offered to help us move. We are grown ups now and responsible for our own choices to move or not move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 No. That would be incredibly odd. Come over, say hi, introduce yourself, maybe bring a plate of cookies and some of my delivery menus, but help them unload their truck? That would be strange. Stranger still if they expected it. If i was standing there and they said "Hey can you help me balance this as I pull it off the truck, sure, but actually start pulling off boxes and furniture? Never. And I'd be sort of creeped out that some stranger was doing it. Plus what if the new neighbor threw out their back or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I'm with renthead mommy. We also haven't moved ourselves in over a dozen years. We always use professionals now. And, if we did move ourselves, I wouldn't expect anyone to offer to help. Actually, I think that would make me uncomfortable because what a weird situation to be thrown into where you also have to make small talk and start getting to know your neighbors. I would much rather do that in a different situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I've never seen anyone do this. In this neighborhood, it would be seen as really odd, perhaps verging on rude. And the neighbors around here are otherwise really helpful and available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 No. If I drop a box and break something I would be liable. Or if something is broken, even if I did not touch it, it could be a cause of tension. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I probably wouldn't at this stage of life, because I have four kids with me...newborn, 2, 5, and 8. I would not be much help. I might bring cookies over, or walk over to introduce myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Interesting. I guess now I understand why people don't go help. I never thought of all those things. I definitely never thought it could be considered rude. What a strange world we live in, where offering to help someone with a difficult task could ever be considered rude. As for liability, I've had things slightly damaged (like scratched) in moves and I'm never upset with the helper who did it, because I'm always just so grateful for their help in the first place, and that's what happens when you move. Of course, with our things that we really value or are very fragile, dh and I pay special attention to them, and make sure that one of us is involved in moving them. When I'm helping someone else, I always ask them what they want me to do about moving fragile things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 NO, I would find it odd. Now to come over and introduce yourself and perhaps bring a plate of cookies or a pitcher of cold whatever would be most appreciated. 50 isn't old, btw. I'm nearing that and move a bit slower than 20, but I can and have unloaded plenty of stuff with just dh and me (he is in his 50s). Besides when I'm moving I'm usually sweaty dirty and may have questionable breath dependent upon how much coffee I've been drinking. I believe an introduction is fine, assisting in the move, I would find a bit presumptuous. I'm not saying you were, I'm saying that's how it might come across to someone not used to such helpful neighbors. Dh and I have moved many times, we have a pattern and system that we kind of know without talking about it. It might take me more energy to explain it to someone trying to help. Then I would be forever concerned about how I came across because you didn't meet me at my best moment. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolMamaOfTwo Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We've never had neighbors volunteer to help us move, and never volunteered to help other neighbors move. It never even crossed my mind to do that until this thread. I wouldn't want anyone helping us besides people we may have already asked, honestly. Last time we did it just the two of us and then DH called a friend over to help him move some of the really heavy things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We have had current friends help us move, but we have never had new neighbors that we don't know help. After we have gotten to know the neighbors we have asked for help moving large appliances or furniture occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I wouldn't mind new neighbors saying hello while we were moving in, but I would not accept any offers to help. I would not offer to help either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Now I'm worried that these people might be irritated with us. So, if someone showed up and offered to help and you didn't want their help, what would you say? This guy seemed surprised, but said, "If you want to help, that would be great." Would he say that to avoid being rude or was he really open to the offer? Have I made these people uncomfortable now? (I never realized I was so socially inept.) But you know, with things like liability and intrusiveness being used as reasons not to help, I have to wonder why any of us volunteer to do anything, ever. Even with cookies, what if someone is allergic to something in your cookies and has a reaction? Do people ever worry about that? What if your pitcher of cold water breaks and cuts them? What if one of their kids smooshes chocolate chips from your cookies into their new rug? I mean, seriously. It seems like there could always be far-flung reasons not to offer help to someone. Now people keep to themselves too much to accept help and so it's rude to even offer??? I can't wrap my head around this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 NO, I would find it odd. Now to come over and introduce yourself and perhaps bring a plate of cookies or a pitcher of cold whatever would be most appreciated. 50 isn't old, btw. I'm nearing that and move a bit slower than 20, but I can and have unloaded plenty of stuff with just dh and me (he is in his 50s). Besides when I'm moving I'm usually sweaty dirty and may have questionable breath dependent upon how much coffee I've been drinking. I believe an introduction is fine, assisting in the move, I would find a bit presumptuous. I'm not saying you were, I'm saying that's how it might come across to someone not used to such helpful neighbors. Dh and I have moved many times, we have a pattern and system that we kind of know without talking about it. It might take me more energy to explain it to someone trying to help. Then I would be forever concerned about how I came across because you didn't meet me at my best moment. :lol: :iagree: I would not want strangers "helping" me — I have my own system and my own way of coding boxes, and it would just slow me down to constantly have to stop and tell someone where each box goes, what's fragile and what's not, etc. I would also resent having to chat and make small talk when I just want to get the job done, plus feeling obligated to "repay" them by inviting them to dinner or something (either then or later). Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Now I'm worried that these people might be irritated with us. So, if someone showed up and offered to help and you didn't want their help, what would you say? This guy seemed surprised, but said, "If you want to help, that would be great." Would he say that to avoid being rude or was he really open to the offer? Have I made these people uncomfortable now? (I never realized I was so socially inept.) But you know, with things like liability and intrusiveness being used as reasons not to help, I have to wonder why any of us volunteer to do anything, ever. Even with cookies, what if someone is allergic to something in your cookies and has a reaction? Do people ever worry about that? What if your pitcher of cold water breaks and cuts them? What if one of their kids smooshes chocolate chips from your cookies into their new rug? I mean, seriously. It seems like there could always be far-flung reasons not to offer help to someone. Now people keep to themselves too much to accept help and so it's rude to even offer??? I can't wrap my head around this. I would say no thanks we are fine but not everyone takes no as an answer the first time. Allergies aren't your responsibility. The person eating should know if they need to be careful with food items. Everything else just seems far fetched, whereas hurting yourself moving isn't at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I would find it most bizarre for someone I don't know to come over and want to help move stuff in my new home. I've never heard of such a thing before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Now I'm worried that these people might be irritated with us. So, if someone showed up and offered to help and you didn't want their help, what would you say? This guy seemed surprised, but said, "If you want to help, that would be great." Would he say that to avoid being rude or was he really open to the offer? Have I made these people uncomfortable now? (I never realized I was so socially inept.) It sounds like they were happy to have the help. If someone offered to help me, I would say "Thank you so much for the offer, but I think we have this covered." If they persisted, I would say "No really, we appreciate the offer, but we would actually prefer to do this ourselves." As for people not wanting to help others for fear of liability, I think there's a big difference between offering a plate of cookies and a cold drink versus offering to do a job that many people pay professionals to do. I would not offer to help a neighbor I had just met paint his house or trim his trees or fix his brakes, either. It's fine if people do those things themselves in order to save money, but I don't think that obligates strangers who happen to live in the same neighborhood to help them be frugal, kwim? Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I'm surprised everyone finds this odd! Dh would offer to help move heavy stuff. He wouldn't even think twice. I would offer something else, probably...because I have a baby and Im very small and weak. But I'd offer to grab some waters or something. OP, I think you did good. People need to move out of their comfort zone and help others more often! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Well, I posted this same question on Facebook and all of my friends are just like me, so I guess that explains it. I hope none of you ever move in near my friends, because it looks like they may offend you and creep you out. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 This thread has me over the top shocked. I had no idea people felt this way? I am LDS and helping people move in and out is practically in our doctrine. :) just kidding but really it is expected that even your new ward will send over strong men to help you move in when you know no one. We moved from Utah to Houston right out of college. Two kids ten months and two. Second story apartment. Piano. No way we could have done that just the two of us. And we didn't know anyone. Would have been a financial strain to hire someone. I am so grateful we could look up the bishops number and ask for help. As far as systems and such, people have always asked where to put stuff and if it gets mixed up its just a part if moving. It's a lot if work no matter what. Having help with the carrying and lifting is worth searching for the box with the linens in it anyways. (I mark all four sides of the boxes so it doesn't matter how they are stacked.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 This thread has me over the top shocked. I had no idea people felt this way? I am LDS and helping people move in and out is practically in our doctrine. :) just kidding but really it is expected that even your new ward will send over strong men to help you move in when you know no one. We moved from Utah to Houston right out of college. Two kids ten months and two. Second story apartment. Piano. No way we could have done that just the two of us. And we didn't know anyone. Would have been a financial strain to hire someone. I am so grateful we could look up the bishops number and ask for help. .) Calling up the bishop and asking for help are worlds different IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I'm surprised everyone finds this odd! Dh would offer to help move heavy stuff. He wouldn't even think twice. I would offer something else, probably...because I have a baby and Im very small and weak. But I'd offer to grab some waters or something. OP, I think you did good. People need to move out of their comfort zone and help others more often! I guess you missed the part where many people would not want the help and would be uncomfortable with it. :confused1: I like living in a neighborhood with large fenced lots (we have 3 acres) and neighbors who would be available in an emergency but otherwise stay out of each other's business. My sister, OTOH, lives in a neighborhood where people drop in on each other unannounced all the time, where kids go into each other's houses without knocking, etc., and she loves it. I would find that incredibly intrusive and unpleasant. The line between "friendliness" and "rudeness" really depends on a combination of individual personality and local culture, and I would not assume that people who don't share your particular personality and culture are just being lazy (as implied in the OP) or too self-centered to "get out of their comfort zone" and help somebody. I would also not assume that because someone doesn't offer to help a stranger move house means that that same person does not provide a lot of help — even including moving house — to friends, family, and others they know. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Calling up the bishop and asking for help is worlds different IMO. Well maybe so but I was responding to the idea that a husband and wife could/should manage on their own and people might not put the kitchen box in the kitchen or mess up your system. That just really surprised me. Plus because we have this culture, offering to help a neighbor or having a neighbor offer to help us is just not at all weird or creepy. It makes me sad actually that people are so isolated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We are helping to move in a youth pastor next week. It's my job to clean those bathrooms from the ceilings down. I can't move boxes and lifting will hurt my back over time. But I can clean tile so it's better than brand new! LOL So, that's my job. A couple of teens will help me by wiping out the kitchen cupboards, so everything is ready to move in. We get about a hour head start before the moving team arrives. When we are done, the kids beds will be made, supper is brought, served, and cleaned up. Basic groceries are in the fridge and any laundry started. It will be a long day, but a huge blessing for the family with 3 little ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 This thread has me over the top shocked. I had no idea people felt this way? I am LDS and helping people move in and out is practically in our doctrine. :) just kidding but really it is expected that even your new ward will send over strong men to help you move in when you know no one. This explains it. I'm Mormon. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Well maybe so but I was responding to the idea that a husband and wife could/should manage on their own and people might not put the kitchen box in the kitchen or mess up your system. That just really surprised me. Plus because we have this culture, offering to help a neighbor or having a neighbor offer to help us is just not at all weird or creepy. It makes me sad actually that people are so isolated. See, IMO, the couple should plan for their move and not assume perfect strangers will just pop up and help. Thats what I am understanding from the OP. So, calling the bishop and making arrangements is totally different in my mind vs expecting neighbors to come out and help move your stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We are helping to move in a youth pastor next week. It's my job to clean those bathrooms from the ceilings down. I can't move boxes and lifting will hurt my back over time. But I can clean tile so it's better than brand new! LOL So, that's my job. A couple of teens will help me by wiping out the kitchen cupboards, so everything is ready to move in. We get about a hour head start before the moving team arrives. When we are done, the kids beds will be made, supper is brought, served, and cleaned up. Basic groceries are in the fridge and any laundry started. It will be a long day, but a huge blessing for the family with 3 little ones. And how much of that would you do for a random stranger you'd never met before who just happened to buy a house in your neighborhood? I think for a lot of people, that is the point. I have done most of what you listed, and more, for friends who had to move on short notice, with 3 little kids and both parents working, who needed and wanted the help. That is not the same thing as being expected to help people I've never met before unload a moving van. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I don't recall anyone in our current neighborhood who hasn't used professional movers, so the issue has never really come up. In my younger days when we moved, if we didn't use professionals we'd line up a group of friends to help. People we knew well. I'm an introvert, so I'd probably be a little squeamish about strangers handling my stuff, even in boxes, and I'd definitely be stressed by the need to make small talk. I need to get to know people gradually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Everyone I now would have movers or other help arranged. It would never occur to me to offer to help move things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Well maybe so but I was responding to the idea that a husband and wife could/should manage on their own and people might not put the kitchen box in the kitchen or mess up your system. That just really surprised me. Plus because we have this culture, offering to help a neighbor or having a neighbor offer to help us is just not at all weird or creepy. It makes me sad actually that people are so isolated. What looks like sad "isolation" from your perspective may look like self-reliance and much-appreciated privacy from someone else's perspective. ;) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I haven't read through all the responses, but I'm a little shocked by those that I have read. Are people really so scared of strangers, or of being sued that they can no longer help another person out? That's so sad. In our area, if you see someone moving, you help out. If you hear of someone moving you offer the use of your trailer and come help out. If we can't come help out then we take a meal or baking so that they can spend their first few days unpacking and not have to worry about feeding themselves or their family. Because of that mindset of helping others whenever you can, I know that if something were to happen when my dh was gone, I could call any of my neighbors and even the ones that I don't get along with very well, would be more than willing to help me out. They know that it's not about me liking them, or them liking me, but about helping another person out when they need it, because someday they will need someone to be there for them too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We have always stayed in condos and our neighbours either use a moving company or have family and friends help move. So either way, no one had needed help so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I grew up offering to help people, but now I wouldn't accept the help. If the neighbor injured themselves moving my boxes, their health insurance might sue my homeowners insurance whether they wanted them to or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I voted other. If I saw someone struggling with a particular item, and could help (or send my son or husband to help), I would do that. I wouldn't just show up and say "hi, want some help moving in?" The last time we moved was the first time we didn't have professional movers. We were moving for my husband to attend school (seminary) and the student services person at the school asked ahead of time if we would need any help. We said yes, and they found some volunteers to carry boxes for us. If they hadn't we would have managed or hired help from U-Haul or somewhere to unload. I would never expect someone to come out of their house to help us move in. I think it would be very uncomfortable to meet my neighbors that way. It's such a difficult time and I feel that would just complicate things. As it turned out, all our immediate neighbors are elderly widows anyway. So we were well-supplied with cookies. :D And honestly I've also never met anyone who didn't make arrangements for necessary help when moving. So it could end up that there would be too many helpers which also complicates things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 See, IMO, the couple should plan for their move and not assume perfect strangers will just pop up and help. Thats what I am understanding from the OP. So, calling the bishop and making arrangements is totally different in my mind vs expecting neighbors to come out and help move your stuff. I said in my original post that I did NOT expect people to "just pop up and help". I didn't even think about it the absence of helpers until afterward, when I realized that it was different from what we were used to. And even then, I wasn't upset with our neighbors for not helping us. I was a little surprised yesterday when I went and asked people who are my friends now if they would come and help a new neighbor and nobody would. I don't expect perfect strangers to help me, but I do expect myself to offer help when I see someone doing a hard job. If they don't want it, fine. But I plan to continue offering when I see an opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I guess you missed the part where many people would not want the help and would be uncomfortable with it. :confused1: Jackie I didn't miss anything. I stand by what I said. People should be offering help whenever and wherever they can. If that makes people uncomfortable, fine. They have the choice to politely decline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I do think it was a little nutty that OP went around trying to pressure neighbors into helping and was upset that they declined. That was really the only 'abnormal' part of the scenario. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Well maybe so but I was responding to the idea that a husband and wife could/should manage on their own and people might not put the kitchen box in the kitchen or mess up your system. That just really surprised me. Plus because we have this culture, offering to help a neighbor or having a neighbor offer to help us is just not at all weird or creepy. It makes me sad actually that people are so isolated. Well if my system were that easy, it wouldn't be an issue. But yes, when you have 40+ boxes of books and you know by looking what room they go into, it would be more time intensive to explain to stranger which bedroom is the classroom, or one of many other such scenarios. I'm quite anal about organization. I don't want to go through 100+ boxes that were put in the wrong rooms. Also, sometimes moving makes people cranky. I really don't want to interact with my neighbors for the first time when I'm tired and irritable. Dh and I have also had some less than stellar moments while moving. This is not the first impression I want to leave my neighbors with. We moved long distance when ds was 8. It wasn't just husband and wife, it was a family. That kid moved more boxes than I would have thought possible. It's a very bonding family experience, especially when the kids are old enough to help. Plus we know exactly how to move furniture together. We have/had exactly one piece of furniture that takes more than two people to move. That's the only thing we really needed help with. It's not about isolation, really. In our area the neighborly thing to do is introduce yourself, then drop by after a few days or a week to get to know the person. Then continue to be neighborly by chatting over the fence. I see more isolation long after people have moved into a neighborhood. Our last neighborhood no one talked to anyone. We were one of the few neighbors who interacted with anyone else on the block. Everyone else worked full time and ran their kids all over town, they were never home. eta: another issue is food. At some point in our moving we usually run and get burgers or pizza. If you were helping, I'd feel obligated to offer to buy you something. Then I'd feel obligated to stop and chat while eating. Often when we move ourselves our budget is tight and buying lunch for helpers really isn't in the budget. If we ask people to move (in or out) we usually buy and budget for pizza or something. Some of this is the obligation I'd feel to be neighborly at a time when I certainly can't be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
---- Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think the difference for me is, yes, people should make arrangements for their move. Apparently it isn't uncommon for some of us to do it ourselves, with our husbands. But just because it's someone's responsibility, or just because they planned to do it themselves, does that mean you can't offer help? I agree that I'm responsible for my own move. That's why I don't assume people will help me, and I don't expect it. But the thing about being helpful is that it's often more helpful when it isn't required. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Some of this is the obligation I'd feel to be neighborly at a time when I certainly can't be. This I can understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixie Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We have moved many times to several different states, always doing it ourselves. We have had help twice. Once, one of my dh's new colleague arranged for a few others to come help us and our last move (to Utah, so I guess that goes with the LDS connection above) several neighbors just showed up to help when they saw the truck. I must say I really appreciated the help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I do think it was a little nutty that OP went around trying to pressure neighbors into helping and was upset that they declined. That was really the only 'abnormal' part of the scenario. Asking people if they are available to help is not "pressuring" them. Honestly. If I offer help, I'm rude, intrusive, and creepy. If I ask for help, I'm pressuring. Why are people so sensitive?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I voted other because we've lived in places where helping is the norm and keeping your distance is the norm. What constitutes neighborly seems to be a cultural thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 It makes me sad actually that people are so isolated. Are people really so scared of strangers, or of being sued that they can no longer help another person out? That's so sad. So, basically, you find it "sad" that other people have different personalities, different preferences, and different concepts of "neighborliness"? Because your preferences are the "normal" ones? :confused1: To everyone who thinks that NOT offering to help complete strangers unload a moving van is a sign of laziness, fear, or basic unfriendliness, I'd like to know: * If the guy who bought a house down the street from you was painting his house the day after moving in, would you offer to help him paint his house? * If the couple who bought the house next door were out digging trenches to install a sprinkler system before moving in, would you show up with a shovel and offer to help dig trenches? * If the new owners of the house were remodeling the kitchen before moving in, would you be over there helping install the cabinets? So what's the difference? If people want to do a DIY move to save money, that's great, but I don't understand the idea that total strangers are obligated, by some unspoken rule about "good neighborliness," to provide free labor, when the same would not be true of any other DIY job. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 So did YOU yourself actually help unload the truck? Because it doesn't sound like it from what you said. What you did was complain that other people didn't move your stuff, saw that someone else needed help but decided it was too hard for you, and then tried to get other people to help instead so you wouldn't feel guilty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 My answer is that it depends on the neighborhood. If it's the sort of neighborhood where people offer help when we move in (as I recall, this has happened to us in Seattle, several cities in Idaho, and Charlottesville, VA), then I offer help when others move in. If it's the sort of neighborhood where people don't offer us help (most places we've lived), then I don't offer later either. I don't think one system is necessarily better than the other. I certainly don't expect help, but if it's offered, I only take what I really need- usually moving in a piece or two of furniture. It's a nice way to get to know some neighbors, but there are lots of ways to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 So, basically, you find it "sad" that other people have different personalities, different preferences, and different concepts of "neighborliness"? Because your preferences are the "normal" ones? :confused1: To everyone who thinks that NOT offering to help complete strangers unload a moving van is a sign of laziness, fear, or basic unfriendliness, I'd like to know: * If the guy who bought a house down the street from you was painting his house the day after moving in, would you offer to help him paint his house? * If the couple who bought the house next door were out digging trenches to install a sprinkler system before moving in, would you show up with a shovel and offer to help dig trenches? * If the new owners of the house were remodeling the kitchen before moving in, would you be over there helping install the cabinets? So what's the difference? If people want to do a DIY move to save money, that's great, but I don't understand the idea that total strangers are obligated, by some unspoken rule about "good neighborliness," to provide free labor, when the same would not be true of any other DIY job. Jackie Where I come from, the answer is definitely yes to the digging of trenches for a sprinkler system. When I was growing up, we moved to a new construction neighborhood, and every time someone was putting in their sprinkler system or laying sod (especially laying sod), the whole neighborhood showed up to help, even kids. The sod was done within an hour or two. And you know what? Yes, the owners usually bought pizza for everyone. Can you believe it! Maybe they did feel obligated to "pay" those generous neighbors for their time, but it was a small price compared to the grueling work of laying 1/3 to 1/2 acre of sod by yourself. As a bonus, relationships were built and strengthened. With the other stuff, that isn't general labor. It requires some skill, so no, I probably wouldn't offer. But come on, moving mostly involves showing up. Yes, some fragile items or large pieces of furniture are a bit more complicated, but anyone can carry boxes or lamps. I don't think any of us are saying that strangers are obligated. I don't think you're a bad person if you don't help your neighbors move in. I started this thread because I was surprised by what appears to be a cultural difference and I wanted to know if this was normal. Apparently it is. Question answered (very clearly by some of you). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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