Sigh - random strangers giving unsolicited parenting advice

[Truscifi]

Did you know that if your baby isn't wearing a jacket in the grocery store he will get pneumonia and die? 

 

 

:huh:

[catz]

In July? LOL - you hear about that happening all the time. Not.

[Pegasus]

LOL!  I remember those days when my DDs were babies.  It was usually elderly folks who would offer such unsolicited advice.  I even had someone walk up and rearrange the blanket around the baby in my arms so that her bare feet were not sticking out.  Come to think of it, most "advice" I received was in response to me letting my babies go barefoot.  They weren't walking yet so I didn't think they needed shoes.  Socks would just come flying off anyway.

 

Meanwhile, I cringe to see overbundled babies in overheated places. That seems worse, to me, than a bare foot sticking out. 

[Truscifi]

Yep, in July.  In FLORIDA. 

 

 

Not to mention that ds, like ds9 and dh, is hot-natured.  Seriously, the kid can be in just a diaper and in moderate air conditioning and still sweat.  We're actually thinking about getting a small fan for his room because he gets so sweaty at night. 

[zoobie]

"Excuse me, your crazy is showing." ;)

[bettyandbob]

I guess if you weren't putting the child IN the ice cream freezer, that person would not have said anything. The ice cream freezer is kind of cold, even in July. Your child should have a jacket for that.

 

Wait. He was just with you in his carrier in the cart, not in the freezer. Hmmm

[Truscifi]

Lol!  Actually, he's 9 months old so rather past the bundling stage anyway.  He was sitting up in the cart in his floppy, babbling away happily while I showed him different fruits in the produce section.

 

She was an older lady, but not elderly - maybe 50s or early 60s.  By her accent I would guess she was Jamaican.  Maybe it is a cultural thing about the air conditioning? 

 

Or maybe I look so young she thought I was a first time mom.  Yes, I like that one - I'm going with that theory!

[kitten18]

When dd was about a year old I was walking across a parking lot with her. An older lady came over and started talking to her and said to dd "you tell your mommy that you need a coat!!!".

It was at least 70 degrees and dd was wearing long sleeves and leggings.

 

It's because we're in So California. I have seen people here wearing stocking caps when it's 70 degrees. People are strange.

[Stellalarella]

Well, folks, this is my life.  Two of my six children are AA.  In our city in the south, there are folks in the black  community who have a strong preference for  chemically straightened hair.  Also, one of the community values frequently brought up here is the desire for hair to look shiny.  So, even after almost 10 years of capably and beautifully fixing my daughters' hair, I will sometimes get stopped by a caring citizen who would like to give me hair advice, hair remonstration, or a card to a beauty shop.  

 

It is really hard not to take it personally that the advice giver is not questioning my parenting abilities.  Most of the time, I do believe that the person does not think I am a good parent because of hair issues.  IT's really weird knowing that there are quite a few people out there who will judge my parenting ability based on how much time I spent fixing hair that morning.  

 

The burden I place on myself is to make every effort to remain joyful and confident in how I know I am doing a good job.  I also try to receive their unsolicited advice in the kindest way possible--I take it to mean that someone cares about my girls enough to overcome what is usually a difficult barrier by giving advice to a stranger.  Really, it takes some guts to tell a stranger what to do, so I at least have to give them props for caring enough to do so.  

 

But yes, I hate it.  And I am sorry for how I've let it make me give a cold shoulder when someone approaches me with that look in her eye.  One day I was at Walmart and a young woman started to walk up to me.  I could tell she had something to say and I braced myself for the worst.  Instead of unwanted advice, she looked me in the eye and just told me how pretty our family was and just gave us praise.  We hugged.  

 

 

In the end, I usually regret all the time I spent feeling offended over unsolicited advice.  But for me, since this happens all the time and will continue to happen, I will get the opportunity to practice not being offended in the future.  

[Starr]

Now that my dc are mostly grown I wonder why I cared so much about strangers opinions. I think people just enjoy kids and kick into some parent role without thinking. Mostly after several years, let alone many, we don't remember what happens at what age/stage. Smile and move on and have a little laugh.

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, folks, this is my life. Two of my six children are AA. In our city in the south, there are folks in the black community who have a strong preference for chemically straightened hair. Also, one of the community values frequently brought up here is the desire for hair to look shiny. So, even after almost 10 years of capably and beautifully fixing my daughters' hair, I will sometimes get stopped by a caring citizen who would like to give me hair advice, hair remonstration, or a card to a beauty shop.

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

[FaithManor]

Oh, don't ya just love it???? :glare:

 

My "favorite" unsolicited stranger advice came from an elderly woman at a church we were visiting. Ds was only about 3 months old. She walked up to us, no introductions, pointed to DS who was sleeping in my arms, and said, "If you ever can't get that baby to sleep, just load him up with Benadryl....a lot of it. If you give him enough, he'll sleep the whole day, not a peep."

 

:eek: I did ask the usher if she worked in the church nursery, and he replied in the negative. I quietly told him that the church leadership might want to put her on a "don't work with kids" list and informed him of what she'd said. He laughed and indicated that she was a little off her rocker and everyone else knew it!

 

Thank goodness!

 

Faith

[Word Nerd]

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

 

I've been asked many times if my hair is naturally curly (one person even asked me if my DD's hair was permed when she was 3—I mean, really?), but no one's ever suggested I have it straightened other than in a salon. I let one stylist blow dry it straight after she gave me a cut when she suggested I try it. I hated it and washed my hair as soon as I got home.

[FaithManor]

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

 

 

At times like these, one does wish the Western World would harken back to oh, say....the Edwardian Era for their social conversational manners. Weather, music, art...the weather, agriculture, the weather.....

 

Faith

[*Lulu*]

Punk had colic. It was so bad that over a decade later I still cringe when I think about it.

 

I had slept 6 hours out of the last 76. I reached for the extra box of diapers to discover, to my horror, that in a sleep deprived fog I had put an empty box on the shelf. I had the two extra diapers in my bag but that was not going to cut it until DH would be home from work.

 

So I packed up my little, loud, bundle of joy and went to the armpit of hell.

 

You may be more familiar with it as Wal-Mart.

 

Punk screamed all the way there, stopped for a moment while I put him in the sling, then promptly started up again. From the front of the store to the back he screamed. I would have nursed him in the sling if he would have cooperated, but he was not interested in anything but screaming.

 

A stern faced woman came up, pointed out that he was missing a sock, and chastised me for not keeping an extra pair in the diaper bag. Yes, she acctually told me he wouldn't scream like that if I kept socks on his feet.

 

Who knew that socks cure colic? Amazing, right?

[Stellalarella]

I've been asked many times if my hair is naturally curly (one person even asked me if my DD's hair was permed when she was 3—I mean, really?), but no one's ever suggested I have it straightened other than in a salon. I let one stylist blow dry it straight after she gave me a cut when she suggested I try it. I hated it and washed my hair as soon as I got home.

 

I hear you!   :)

 

I think it would be a stretch to even call my hair naturally curly.  I like to think of it as naturally electrified frizzy.   :laugh: Shortly after I moved to the south, a woman approached me in the parking lot of a grocery store to let me know that I "could get that straightened permanently at a salon." :lol:

 

The other day I was at Walmart and I had my big mass of frizzy hair piled up on my head in a big ponytail.  An older gentleman passed me and then came back to say, in the very nicest and kindest and most decent way possible, "I love your hair."   :hurray:   Honestly, it made my whole day and when I think about it now, it still brings a lot of joy to my heart.  Because you know, down here, a big mass of wild hair is just not the thing.   And a caucasian woman with a big mass of frizzle hair, a caucasian daughter with cascades of blonde curls and two black daughters with fabulous afros may just be too much for folks around here.  

 

Maybe I should think of our family as hair ambassadors when we get unsolicited advice.   :)

[Stellalarella]

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

 

I hear you!   :)

 

And no, there is NOT a product for hair like mine.   :)

[MorningGlory]

Punk had colic. It was so bad that over a decade later I still cringe when I think about it.

 

I had slept 6 hours out of the last 76. I reached for the extra box of diapers to discover, to my horror, that in a sleep deprived fog I had put an empty box on the shelf. I had the two extra diapers in my bag but that was not going to cut it until DH would be home from work.

 

So I packed up my little, loud, bundle of joy and went to the armpit of hell.

 

You may be more familiar with it as Wal-Mart.

 

Punk screamed all the way there, stopped for a moment while I put him in the sling, then promptly started up again. From the front of the store to the back he screamed. I would have nursed him in the sling if he would have cooperated, but he was not interested in anything but screaming.

 

A stern faced woman came up, pointed out that he was missing a sock, and chastised me for not keeping an extra pair in the diaper bag. Yes, she acctually told me he wouldn't scream like that if I kept socks on his feet.

 

Who knew that socks cure colic? Amazing, right?

 

Love this story! I had a very similar thing happen to me with my crazy-colic daughter. I walked out of Walmart on that day and have NEVER walked back in...and it's been almost 4 years now. Yes, I go to a small town grocery now and yes, I drive into the city once a month for other essentials. But swearing off Walmart has added years to my life. But that's off-topic...just completely understand your story!! :)

 

And there is a lady at our church who chastised me every.single.Sunday for the first year of my daughter's life for not putting a hat on her head. It became a running joke in our house to be sure!

 

 

[Khselee]

When DS was small, a little less than a year? I had taken him to Wal-Mart (why does everything bad happen in a Wal-Mart?) to get some things I'd left off the grocery list. In the paper goods, Ds jumped like he'd been bitten, and started struggling to get out of the seat and screaming. I unbuckled his seat, and he jumped right up, wailing and crying (standing on the seat and hugging me). I was trying to console him, when this elderly lady walks up and says, "You need to whop him a good one and make him sit down! He'll be spoiled forever if you don't discipline him now!"

I couldn't help myself, and responded quickly, "I'll whop you a good one if you don't get away from me right now!" She looked shocked, and stalked away, muttering about how people today were so rude!

As it turned out, the cart seat hinge had pinched Ds' leg, and he was crying because he was hurt!

[Tammi K]

Love this story! I had a very similar thing happen to me with my crazy-colic

 

And there is a lady at our church who chastised me every.single.Sunday for the first year of my daughter's life for not putting a hat on her head. It became a running joke in our house to be sure!

We moved to Germany when our oldest was 21 months old. We were walking around the Marianplatz with her bundled in her stroller one winter evening. Yes, it was chilly. But, she wasn't an infant and it wasn't that cold and she was well tucked into her stroller. After the 50th German grandma chided us in a language we didn't yet speak ( funny how they were very able to make their point crystal clear!) we went into a store to buy a hat I never believed she needed in the first place just so sweet, well-meaning German ladies would stop scolding us on street corners.

[dirty ethel rackham]

This happens to all people with curly hair-AA or not, child or not. I am a 40 year old woman and people still insist upon asking if my hair is naturally curly, ask if I wouldn't rather straighten it, have I tried X or Y hair product/device/straightening method/salon/etc.

 

I've had this, too.  I was checking in at the gym (well at the front desk of the gym that houses the climbing gym that I belong to) and a hair stylist from the gym's salon came up to me and insisted on giving me a Brazilian Blowout.  When I tried to tell her that I prefer my hair curly and I was on my way to work out, she hinted that I really needed her service.  I said very loudly "Are you trying to tell me that my curly hair is UGLY?  I usually get compliments on it."  People stopped and stared, but she kept on telling me how much better I would look.  I think that was the first time I called someone a @*tch to their face.  Gee, why don't I tell you that your streaks, fake tan, fake boobs and hot pink cut-down-to-there shirt make you look like a floozie! 

[Julie Smith]

Eldest has a port wine stain on his leg. When he was a baby lots of people wanted me to cover him up more since he must for some reason be freezing since his leg was purple-ish.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port-wine_stain

 

Now that he is big it's not so noticeable. But it was more so when he was a nice little white baby with cute itty bitty kicking legs. 

[countrygal]

Time to come up with some good one-liners and come-backs. I'm practicing some for the church-folk who always say rude things when they find out I'm pregnant (again?!) I haven't had too much trouble with strangers questioning my parenting (only my mother does that.) Sometimes a "mind your own business" is well deserved.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I usually laugh.  It confuses them and they have nothing to get snippy about.  

[Mrs Mungo]

We moved to Germany when our oldest was 21 months old. We were walking around the Marianplatz with her bundled in her stroller one winter evening. Yes, it was chilly. But, she wasn't an infant and it wasn't that cold and she was well tucked into her stroller. After the 50th German grandma chided us in a language we didn't yet speak ( funny how they were very able to make their point crystal clear!) we went into a store to buy a hat I never believed she needed in the first place just so sweet, well-meaning German ladies would stop scolding us on street corners.

Oh my gosh, when we lived in Germany old ladies were always scolding me for having a baby outside in the heat or cold. My son was once in a full fleece (with a hood) *and* a fleece hat *and he was in a sling inside my coat and they still scolded me.

 

A lady told me it was too hot for a baby at Versailles and I told her to mind her own business. I don't think she expected me to speak English.

[Mrs Mungo]

I've had this, too. I was checking in at the gym (well at the front desk of the gym that houses the climbing gym that I belong to) and a hair stylist from the gym's salon came up to me and insisted on giving me a Brazilian Blowout. When I tried to tell her that I prefer my hair curly and I was on my way to work out, she hinted that I really needed her service. I said very loudly "Are you trying to tell me that my curly hair is UGLY? I usually get compliments on it." People stopped and stared, but she kept on telling me how much better I would look. I think that was the first time I called someone a @*tch to their face. Gee, why don't I tell you that your streaks, fake tan, fake boobs and hot pink cut-down-to-there shirt make you look like a floozie!

I just tell those people that my husband loves curly hair. It is usually enough to shut them up.

[Guest]

I usually laugh.  It confuses them and they have nothing to get snippy about.  

 

That would be me.  My favorite is to give a "hahahahaha", then stop and just look at them.  They think they got you till you stop laughing, lol.

[anneinco]

My daughter (6-7ish at the time) and I had just finished swimming at the rec center and she asked if she could shoot some hoops before we left. We would go down to the rec neater 2-3 times a week to swim and/or shoot hoops together. Occasionally I sit back and watch to give each of us some time to ourselves.

 

I sat down about 15 feet from the basket she was at and watched. A gentleman came up and asked me if he could give her some tips... Sure, I had no problem with it. He told her a couple things and came back to me with his ball, handed it to me and said rudely, "you know she will learn more if you are out there with her!"

 

Really?! Wish I had not been speechless to have a quick comeback but by the time I did, he was gone.

[Jeannie in NJ]

my dd has always been and still at age 17, very thin. She has always eaten a ton but still is thin. Once when she was about 2, we were on the beach and this woman came over and started screaming at me that I "was starving that child". She would not shut up so finally I said "well, at least she will never be fat like you". I am not usually rude lol but that woman deserved it.

[Mrs Mungo]

My daughter (6-7ish at the time) and I had just finished swimming at the rec center and she asked if she could shoot some hoops before we left. We would go down to the rec neater 2-3 times a week to swim and/or shoot hoops together. Occasionally I sit back and watch to give each of us some time to ourselves.

 

I sat down about 15 feet from the basket she was at and watched. A gentleman came up and asked me if he could give her some tips... Sure, I had no problem with it. He told her a couple things and came back to me with his ball, handed it to me and said rudely, "you know she will learn more if you are out there with her!"

 

Really?! Wish I had not been speechless to have a quick comeback but by the time I did, he was gone.

 

I would have laughed and said, "I lettered in marching band, she's better off on her own!"

[swellmomma]

 

 

At times like these, one does wish the Western World would harken back to oh, say....the Edwardian Era for their social conversational manners. Weather, music, art...the weather, agriculture, the weather.....

 

Faith

Just don't get to talking about the weather and agriculture out in a farming area if you don't want to hear how horrible both are. Too much rain, not enough rain, bugs in the crops, pesticides on the crops, organic farmers, nonorganic farmers, big business, hail, winds, more rain, not enough rain lol You are better off talking about Suzy and Joe down the street instead :p

[swellmomma]

As for unsolicited advice, I used to hear it a lot more, now I think people get ready to and then look at me and think better of it lol When the kids were babies there was comments that I should not be taking them out in public before they were several months old, and about not using shoes, or bundling up. Heck then came the comments about me wearing them, and extended rear facing the youngest, and breastfeeding past a year. Now I get the comments of "they are all yours?" yup, do you want one, they are going cheap today :) I have had the rare one occasionally but they are just stupid, like how I will make dd ashamed of her body for not letting her wear a bikini without a cover up, or I am keeping her too young by not encouraging make up use (She is allowed to use it but prefers her natural beauty). At the start of the dance year there was comments (by I am assuming well meaning dance moms) about her being so tiny and needing meat on her bones. And then they quickly realized that dd is like a panther, very lean and slick, but pure muscle and strength. :) Those comments died on their tongues by the 3rd class.

 

I can't think of the last time someone made a comment about anything other than homeschooling and even those are falling by the wayside and becoming few and far between.

 

As a new mom I used to take offence, now I laugh at them (yes I have actually laughed outloud at some of them). I have enough experience parenting that I know what I am doing (well I think I do rofl) and I am not about to take unsolicited parenting advice from strangers, just like I don't take religious advice from the JW that ring my doorbell.

[Janie Grace]

This happened to me today at church. My ds3 interrupted when I was talking to an older lady and she said, "you know, you can teach them to put their hand on your leg until you're ready to have them speak." It really bugged me. I'm familiar with this practice and I've used it with my first four kids. But I just haven't taught my 3yo to do that yet. I've got a lot more on my plate now and I just don't sweat the preschool stuff like I used to. For some reason, I told her "oh, I used to do that, but I'm a little less legalistic now" which is actually code for "get off my back -- I have five kids and can't be on top of every little thing, lady." I don't know why it bothered me so much, and my response was probably rude (and untrue... I don't really think it's legalistic)... but some combination of annoyance and PMS overcame me.  :sad:

[Dahliarw]

My usual reply is "thank you for the unsolicited advice." It usually shuts them up quick, and I don't think it's rude at all. I do say it as sweet as pie with a smile on my face. Usually takes the recipient a minute to process and realize what I said.

[KungFuPanda]

I think some of my AA friends are these roaming hair evangelists. It's normal to see biracial families around here. Apparently, it makes them cringe when a Caucasian mother to mixed children thinks hair is no big deal and nothing to worry about. It seems it is a VERY big deal and blowing it off is a cultural faux pas. I don't get it, but I don't have that added responsibility as my family isn't mixed. I tend to believe them though, because they are Very Serious when this topic comes up.

[mamaraby]

My middle child, in JoAnns, in October in the Midwest, no socks. She had just pulled them off in the car and thrown them who knows where and we had previously lost socks in JoAnns. I was there buying the supplies to make the kid some soft soled shoes when I was chastised by an elderly woman for her...not wearing socks. *sigh* Yeah, I know. That's kind of why we're here (and also? Shoes did not keep socks on her pudgy little feet and we still left a trail of socks after us).

 

Then all three of my children in JoAnns by an elderly woman who just couldn't accpet that we don't do the Santa thing and find the "need to be good so you get presents" thing confusing. My son shrugged and said, "I only believe in things that are real," as if that was reasonable and logical enough to settle the matter. The woman just would not let it go and would start up on it everytime we got even remotely close to her. My mom was with us and was most puzzled as to why said random stranger was so invested in my children's lack of belief in Santa.

 

Come to think of it, that stuff always happens to me in JoAnns. Perhaps I need to find somewhere else to shop?

[Mama Geek]

My usual reply is "thank you for the unsolicited advice." It usually shuts them up quick, and I don't think it's rude at all. I do say it as sweet as pie with a smile on my face. Usually takes the recipient a minute to process and realize what I said.

Hmmm...wonder if this would work with MIL probably not, it would probably just encourage her.

[ktgrok]

Yep, in July.  In FLORIDA. 

 

 

Not to mention that ds, like ds9 and dh, is hot-natured.  Seriously, the kid can be in just a diaper and in moderate air conditioning and still sweat.  We're actually thinking about getting a small fan for his room because he gets so sweaty at night.

LOL, yup....also had similar comments, also from random strangers in the grocery store also in Florida. Totally crazy.

[*Lulu*]

Hmmm...wonder if this would work with MIL probably not, it would probably just encourage her.

Maybe preface it with a sugary sweet, "well bless your heart".

[Stellalarella]

I think some of my AA friends are these roaming hair evangelists. It's normal to see biracial families around here. Apparently, it makes them cringe when a Caucasian mother to mixed children thinks hair is no big deal and nothing to worry about. It seems it is a VERY big deal and blowing it off is a cultural faux pas. I don't get it, but I don't have that added responsibility as my family isn't mixed. I tend to believe them though, because they are Very Serious when this topic comes up.

 

 

:)  I hear you.  You are right on the dot.  

Hair is a very big deal  for many folks--preeminently important at a deep heart level.  And that is why my parenting aptitude is judged by my afro hair care skills.  :)  I accept that others view me and my girls through this lens.   The last time I got approached (it was the nursing home beautician and 4 nurses as backup onlooker support for the beautician!!  ) I felt very brave and told them that my girls loved their natural hair and that we were all very happy with how their hair looked. I was shaking when we left the nursing home, but I felt good that I had been able to express myself on that point.

 

You know, I think repeatedly dealing with unsolicited advice HAS made me a better parent.  :)

[Plink]

I once had an elderly lady approach me in a chckout line and pull the blanket up over my newborn's face. When I squeaked (yes, squeaked - it was an odd primal sound meant to verbalize "what the &$@/ are you doing" in polite company) and yanked the blanket back she harumphed and loudly informed me that if I didn't protect my daughter's face from the wind she would get Air Colic.

 

Luckily, my order was bagged by then and we made it safely to the car, without the blanket, and I'm happy to report that DD did not suffer from even a bit of Air Colic.

[bolt.]

I soooo worry that I *am* one of those people!

 

Sometimes I forget that the whole world isn't an advice forum, and that merely mentioning an issue isn't an invitation for me to spout my opinion!

 

Last Sunday I held my good friends baby and was just chattering at the baby without really thinking. I mentioned that it was a warm day, and that I thought she might be over warm. I thought I was just taking about "weather and clothes" but then I thought, "Crud, I just mentioned that I thought a baby was dressed wrong for the weather, in the parents hearing, but in a totally passive-agressive way! Am I really 'that lady'!?!" (At least I noticed. Maybe my friend didn't.)

[KungFuPanda]

I once had an elderly lady approach me in a chckout line and pull the blanket up over my newborn's face. When I squeaked (yes, squeaked - it was an odd primal sound meant to verbalize "what the &$@/ are you doing" in polite company) and yanked the blanket back she harumphed and loudly informed me that if I didn't protect my daughter's face from the wind she would get Air Colic.

Luckily, my order was bagged by then and we made it safely to the car, without the blanket, and I'm happy to report that DD did not suffer from even a bit of Air Colic.

I'm adding this to the list of things I learned about on TWTM.

[Maela]

We were at the fair last year when DS was two and a half.  I was waiting outside the bathroom stall for DD and had DS with me.  He had just hit me, so I put him down (standing).  He was crying and very upset and ran to the other side of the bathroom.  I could see him and he wasn't doing anything wrong at the moment, so I just watched him crying from my side.  A lady came out and stared at DS while she was washing her hands.  Then she came up to me and said, "Is he yours?"  I said yes and I thought she was going to make a comment about how rough toddlers can be or something of that nature.  you know, sympathy.  But instead she said, "Would it kill you to give him some attention?"  Because I wasn't ready for it, I was already laughing, thinking she was making a joke.  It wasn't until just before she left the room in a huff that I realized she wasn't joking.  I was so shocked because I've never been that bluntly criticized before.  

 

Oh, except for when my first was a newborn with colic, and my grandmother-in-law kept yelling (literally) at me to "Just put her down!  You hold her too much!  That's probably why she's crying!"

[Guest]

My middle child, in JoAnns, in October in the Midwest, no socks. She had just pulled them off in the car and thrown them who knows where and we had previously lost socks in JoAnns. I was there buying the supplies to make the kid some soft soled shoes when I was chastised by an elderly woman for her...not wearing socks. *sigh* Yeah, I know. That's kind of why we're here (and also? Shoes did not keep socks on her pudgy little feet and we still left a trail of socks after us).

 

Then all three of my children in JoAnns by an elderly woman who just couldn't accpet that we don't do the Santa thing and find the "need to be good so you get presents" thing confusing. My son shrugged and said, "I only believe in things that are real," as if that was reasonable and logical enough to settle the matter. The woman just would not let it go and would start up on it everytime we got even remotely close to her. My mom was with us and was most puzzled as to why said random stranger was so invested in my children's lack of belief in Santa.

 

Come to think of it, that stuff always happens to me in JoAnns. Perhaps I need to find somewhere else to shop?

When Son 2 was maybe 4, we were in line at a grocery store in December. An older lady started asking him if he was excited for Santa to come. He told her Santa isn't real. So she looks at me and says "Oh, you don't celebrate Christmas?". What?!

 

Probably the worst comment I ever got was at a mall park with my two older sons when they were toddlers. I was newly divorced at 26 and looked like I was 16. This old lady (why is it always old ladies who can't keep their mouths shut?) saw me there with my two kids and nastlly says "Didn't you learn the first time?" Excuse me?!

 

People are idiots.

[mrbmom77]

I feel your pain. I'm a single mom and my boy is autistic. The things random strangers will say blow my mind! I've been told must be an awful mother, that I just needed to cut the apron strings, or spank him. "There's nothing wrong with him, he just needs discipline."

And if only I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "They really need a daddy."

People are idiots. I guess the good thing is it has taught me to mind my own business and leave other parents alone.

[SquirrellyMama]

I once had my oldest in the grocery store. I cannot remember exactly how old she was but I know she was getting her first teeth a little bit earlier than usual. An older lady came up to me and told me how horrible it was that those teeth were coming in early, and how there would be trouble. She said all of this like I had a choice in when her teeth came in. As if I was supposed to stop them from coming in.

 

Kelly

[Mango]

Well, folks, this is my life.  Two of my six children are AA.  In our city in the south, there are folks in the black  community who have a strong preference for  chemically straightened hair.  Also, one of the community values frequently brought up here is the desire for hair to look shiny.  So, even after almost 10 years of capably and beautifully fixing my daughters' hair, I will sometimes get stopped by a caring citizen who would like to give me hair advice, hair remonstration, or a card to a beauty shop.  

 

It is really hard not to take it personally that the advice giver is not questioning my parenting abilities.  Most of the time, I do believe that the person does not think I am a good parent because of hair issues.  IT's really weird knowing that there are quite a few people out there who will judge my parenting ability based on how much time I spent fixing hair that morning.  

 

The burden I place on myself is to make every effort to remain joyful and confident in how I know I am doing a good job.  I also try to receive their unsolicited advice in the kindest way possible--I take it to mean that someone cares about my girls enough to overcome what is usually a difficult barrier by giving advice to a stranger.  Really, it takes some guts to tell a stranger what to do, so I at least have to give them props for caring enough to do so.  

 

But yes, I hate it.  And I am sorry for how I've let it make me give a cold shoulder when someone approaches me with that look in her eye.  One day I was at Walmart and a young woman started to walk up to me.  I could tell she had something to say and I braced myself for the worst.  Instead of unwanted advice, she looked me in the eye and just told me how pretty our family was and just gave us praise.  We hugged.  

 

 

In the end, I usually regret all the time I spent feeling offended over unsolicited advice.  But for me, since this happens all the time and will continue to happen, I will get the opportunity to practice not being offended in the future.  

LOL! This is so true. I've been stalked through Walmart, Kohls, and approached in the parking lot with phone numbers, free products, and tons of unsolicited advice from well-meaning African American women. My DH didn't believe me until we took our date night and he saw the whole enchilada in action. 

 

 

Sigh. 

[Truscifi]

Wow.  It is unbelievable what people will say to complete strangers.  I try to limit my comments about other people's kids to how cute they are.

[snickerplum]

I had a little girl who put her two cents in one time at Once Upon a Child. DD2 wanted to go in that little "fenced-in" play area while I checked out. Well, she'd already been in and out and in and out SEVERAL times, so I told her, "No, we're leaving soon." Well, this little girl about 8 or 9 marched up to me and said, "Actually, she can go in there if she WANTS TO!" I just smiled and said, "Actually, she needs to obey her Mommy." I'm telling y'all - watch out for that girl. She's going to tell your children's children how to parent. :)