Miss Peregrine Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Tonto. I am on the ipad and can't do emoticons . Picture me with smoke coming out of my ears. Or worse. Breathing fire. This is an adult, btw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Punch in the face. Ok I probably would not punch someone in the face....but how can they possibly excuse that? If you said something what was their response? I really find that people who complain about PC are just actually asses who are whining about being called on their asshattery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 You just can't cure stupid or bigotry. In my area, it would be stupid that caused it. What an idgit! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Perhaps a neighbour, but not a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I'd tell them, very clearly, that is racist and you will not tolerate it any more. Period. I'm so sorry, mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Speechless. I would write them a really long note telling them what I thought of their comment and expect an apology to both you and your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shahrazad Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 What a horrible, bigoted thing to say. Since deservedly punching her in the face may get you jail time which you don't deserve, might I recommend some gorilla poo delivered to her doorstep. http://www.poopsenders.com/ Disclaimer: I do not know the legality of sending feces to people. Disclaimer 2: This suggestion is a joke, no one jump on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Flabbergasted. It never fails to astound me how idiotic people still are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I certainly hope you have made it clear how totally unacceptable that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 When I read the title, I thought it must be your son's friend, and I was like, "Yeah, kids are dumb sometimes." But an adult?? Good grief. I would bring out the big guns for that one. As in, "Are you f***ing serious? Do you have a brain in your [insert favorite expletive] head, to say something that idiotic?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Are you asking what I would do? Because you probably do not really want to know what I would say. Probably something like, "shut up, you racist assclown." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Has the neighbor always done this? I'm curious if the new Lone Ranger movie coming out has somehow made it seem funny or acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I'd flat out tell the neighbor that he was being an insensitive ass and that I expected an apology. My oldest is part NA and part Mexican Indian. He definitely has an exotic look to him. We once went to a party where a group of adults were gesturing at the group we were in and talking about "cans". Turned out they were calling all Mexicans "cans". I tried to ignore it but they kept on about it. I finally said "We get it. Some people are "cans". Mexicans.... Americans... and some people are just assholes. Like you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Punch in the face. Ok I probably would not punch someone in the face....but how can they possibly excuse that? If you said something what was their response? I really find that people who complain about PC are just actually asses who are whining about being called on their asshattery. Is there any chance this guy is just one of those people who hops though life with his foot in his mouth (or head up his postierior) and didn't get how offensive it would be? Is there any chance he is young enough or stupid enough and didn't understand the connotation that name has, he just picked it up because of the new movie? If it is one of those I would make sure I explained it so he understands and doesn't do it again. If not.........I like Sis' plan. And, yes, the most ardent PC complainers I have known are also frequent spouters of some pretty serious bigotry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahW Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Is it terrible that I had to look that one up? My American cultural education is very lacking. I'm a Midwesterner living in the south, and I find it curious that the racists I know don't actually think they're racists. Granted, most of the racists I know are older, so they seem to be under the impression that not having "colored" bathrooms makes them non-racists. But they make racist jokes, and when I don't laugh they add "isn't that terrible!" while they laugh. :confused1: Your neighbor may simply be ignorant, and think that she was being cute, or even think that she was giving a compliment by referencing a co-ethnic "star." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I guess if I had children who were subjected to racial slurs, I would teach them to respond with "bigot". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 If this person is a friend, I would assume the best and just say, "Jim, maybe you don't realize this but that is a racial slur". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 In the heat of the moment, I'm not sure what I would do or say. I might just walk away speechless. Or I might give the person an earful. But - really it is an issue of boundaries. You have a boundary that your son may not be called certain things. Your son can have (and hopefully has) a boundary that people cannot call him certain things. If someone crosses that boundary you say, "You may not call him / me ____________. If you do, I will not stay around to talk to you." You can add explanations to that but really, that's the issue. Then walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamzanne Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 "You're wrong. You're racist, and you're wrong." -quote from my favorite movie that comes in handy surprisingly often Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Wow. Does this person think he/she's being funny? Cute? Is he a racist or just a clueless idiot? I don't think being a clueless idiot should mean he gets away with it, but knowing where he's coming from can help you or your son know how to approach him about it. I had a co-worker who, after he found out I had Italian heritage, used to start whistling the theme to The Godfather whenever I was around. I tried to ignore it and pretend it didn't bother me, but finally asked him to stop and told him it was insulting. He had no idea. He thought it was funny. It truly never occurred to him that insinuating my family and I are a bunch of thugs was not something I found hilarious. :rolleyes: Is your son an adult? If so, he should say something. If not, you should, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I'm stunned that an adult would do this and think it's appropriate... I happened upon this story this morning about Adam Goodes and made me think of this thread. Goodes is an indigenous Australian Rules footballer and was called a racist slur by a teenager. He asked that she be ejected from the game. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/26/adam-goodes-racism_n_3339704.html Good for him!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I think it depends on the general character/relationship with the person who said it. Was it stupid or bigoted? Stupid gets a discussion about why it is considered offensive, the assumption being that a generally nice person who was stupid will not repeat the action. Bigoted gets whatever works best for your family and your neighborhood in setting stringent boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I think it depends on the general character/relationship with the person who said it. Was it stupid or bigoted? Stupid gets a discussion about why it is considered offensive, the assumption being that a generally nice person who was stupid will not repeat the action. Bigoted gets whatever works best for your family and your neighborhood in setting stringent boundaries. I don't see why stupid wouldn't benefit from setting stringent boundaries as well. Stupid doesn't always learn and boundaries doesn't take a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I don't see why stupid wouldn't benefit from setting stringent boundaries as well. Stupid doesn't always learn and boundaries doesn't take a chance. Exactly, because truly, there just doesn't seem to be an out and out cure for stupid! I have too much of it around me in this neighborhood to believe it is so easily irradicated. So, the only thing I can think of is a "hey moron" talk - however politically correct or incorrect the OP wants to come across and with stupid, frank is best because the subtleties tend to be lost on them - and boundaries spelled out with no ambiguity helps stupid keep stupidity from oozing all over you. It's about all that works. In my not so humble opinion, stupid generally has an ego that goes with it and there is rarely a self-choice made to overcome the handicap. They don't mean to be mean as a general rule, they are just so darn ignorant that they can't conceive of WHY they are offensive...it's ridiculous, but there it is. However, not being inherently evil, they can usually be trained to follow some basic boundaries. True racists...there is nearly NEVER any cure and the only boundary there can be is "come near or speak to my kid again and I'm calling the sheriff you racist, ^*$#&, jerk!" Racists, in my experience, have no intentions of controlling their hate unless forced to and it's really hate that drives them. It's sick, it's twisted, and it's demented and the only thing you can do is make them think they are about to have harassament charges brought down on their heads...the law and the opening of their wallet...that seems to be about the only thing that holds this kind of thing in check at all. Maybe a privacy fence and a very ugly, looks like it would eat you as an h'ordeurve type guard dog too....sigh, evil is very hard to overcome. I hope the OP is dealing with stupid. Stupid is annoying and frustrating, but it's not evil per se. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 How did your son react? Did he understand what 'Tonto' meant? Did he take offense? I would first discuss this with my son, simply because he will always be subject to this type of behavior (I'm not saying that its right or should that should be, but unfortunately, he is "different" in a very obvious way and people will always notice certain things first, it is the stupid and the unobservant who will fail to notice anything more about your son than the 'first things'. Once I had spoken to and began equipping my son with the tools to handle his own inescapable reality and had had some time to cool down, I would address the situation with my 'neighbor'. After all, I would hate to wind up in jail because of the things that I would want to do to the a$$-wipe that had (possibly tried to) humiliated my son with such a foolish name. Deep breath. Your son will be so much stronger and better equipped if you use this a teaching moment and build a sounding board for future encounters and expeirences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Punch in the face. Ok I probably would not punch someone in the face.... I would... send the asshat bigot over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Not funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I don't see why stupid wouldn't benefit from setting stringent boundaries as well. Stupid doesn't always learn and boundaries doesn't take a chance. Well, I've known some nice but clueless people who did change their choice of language after being told about it. So I would give a generally nice person the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I usually do not give people the benefit of the doubt and just broke up with a lifelong friend over her thinking racist jokes are funny, but is there any chance *at all* that the person is calling him "silly" in Spanish? I'm a confronter, let's deal with this now and get it out of the way. I might say, "Either you're calling my son stupid or silly in Spanish, or you're being a racially insensitive jerk. Care to clarify which one it is?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 You know, I had to read that three times to get what you were talking about. I just can't believe some people. I wonder if the movie coming out will spark a lot of this. :confused1: Oh, and I agree with the punch in the face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Well, I've known some nice but clueless people who did change their choice of language after being told about it. So I would give a generally nice person the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Setting boundaries can include telling someone about it. All you have to do to set a boundary is to tell them what you or your child will do if they do it again. Hopefully they will apologize profusely and you will never had to enforce the boundary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How awkward. I am torn. We have really wimpified people that something like this causes huge outrage/shock/violent fantasizing...over a word. I would brush it off...or hand it back. On the other hand an adult should know better, because it is just TACKY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 If it is racist it is by definition also stupid. I fail to see how it is "wimpified" to expect people not to use racial slurs with our children. It doesn't shock me but it's sad that people use such garbage language to refer to people. It's setting a boundary to firmly correct someone and perhaps it spares someone else's child from hearing the slur down the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 I hate when I start a topic and then can't get back to reply to quotes. There are so many I love. Sending poop? Bwahahaha. Filing that away for future use. He said it again today and I very firmly said he cannot call him that. He asked why. I repeated, more firmly, that he cannot call him that. He said "But xxxx(his son) can be the Lone Ranger and xxxx is Tonto. My son is only 5 and doesn't understand this. I told him nobody is allowed to call him that. He asked if it was a bad word. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Punch in the face. Ok I probably would not punch someone in the face....but how can they possibly excuse that? If you said something what was their response? I really find that people who complain about PC are just actually asses who are whining about being called on their asshattery. I would like to. Really. And as asshattery may or may not be my new favorite word. What a horrible, bigoted thing to say. Since deservedly punching her in the face may get you jail time which you don't deserve, might I recommend some gorilla poo delivered to her doorstep. http://www.poopsenders.com/ Disclaimer: I do not know the legality of sending feces to people. Disclaimer 2: This suggestion is a joke, no one jump on me. This is brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Wow. Does this person think he/she's being funny? Cute? Is he a racist or just a clueless idiot? I don't think being a clueless idiot should mean he gets away with it, but knowing where he's coming from can help you or your son know how to approach him about it. I had a co-worker who, after he found out I had Italian heritage, used to start whistling the theme to The Godfather whenever I was around. I tried to ignore it and pretend it didn't bother me, but finally asked him to stop and told him it was insulting. He had no idea. He thought it was funny. It truly never occurred to him that insinuating my family and I are a bunch of thugs was not something I found hilarious. :rolleyes: Is your son an adult? If so, he should say something. If not, you should, IMO. He thinks it is soooooo funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Is there any way that this person has no idea what they are talking about? Honestly, I had to look it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 How did your son react? Did he understand what 'Tonto' meant? Did he take offense? I would first discuss this with my son, simply because he will always be subject to this type of behavior (I'm not saying that its right or should that should be, but unfortunately, he is "different" in a very obvious way and people will always notice certain things first, it is the stupid and the unobservant who will fail to notice anything more about your son than the 'first things'. Once I had spoken to and began equipping my son with the tools to handle his own inescapable reality and had had some time to cool down, I would address the situation with my 'neighbor'. After all, I would hate to wind up in jail because of the things that I would want to do to the a$$-wipe that had (possibly tried to) humiliated my son with such a foolish name. Deep breath. Your son will be so much stronger and better equipped if you use this a teaching moment and build a sounding board for future encounters and expeirences. He is only 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 You need to be more specific. you need to say something specific, as in, "it is racist and offensive to call all NAs that you meet 'Tonto.'" Or you could say, "are we going to play KKK hangs someone next?" Or you could just say, "shut your pie hole before I shut it for you." Or you say, "sorry son, we have to go home because White Bread over here doesn't understand how to behave in public." Take your pick. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I hate when I start a topic and then can't get back to reply to quotes. There are so many I love. Sending poop? Bwahahaha. Filing that away for future use. He said it again today and I very firmly said he cannot call him that. He asked why. I repeated, more firmly, that he cannot call him that. He said "But xxxx(his son) can be the Lone Ranger and xxxx is Tonto. My son is only 5 and doesn't understand this. I told him nobody is allowed to call him that. He asked if it was a bad word. :( You needed to tell him why. All he sees is that a character in a popular film has that name. I don't know how old this guy is but not all adults remember the stereotypes from the old Lone Ranger shows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 He is only 5. Unfortunately, my advise still applies. I grew up in the South of the US, a minority, I remember hearing ethnic/racial slurs from the time I was about 5 or 6. Now is the time to begin this dialog. I recommend looking up articles on how your can help a biracial/adopted child feel confident in their identity being different from their parents, there are some moving and inspirational pieces out there, though I can't link you at the moment. I can't claim to have a lot of experience parenting or mentoring through this type of thing, only that I was parented and mentored through it. My dad taught us what various slurs meant and taught us informed understanding about how it did or didn't apply to us, that the words were meant to hurt us, we can't help who we are on the outside, but we can control who we are on the inside. My dad taught me that certain words slurs were meant to refer to low/ill-mannered/uncouth people with little or no self-respect. I never got upset when people called me names that were meant to be cruel. I have a name that I am quite proud of and that was what I answer to. I don't answer to anything but my name and terms of endearment spoken with love or respect. Since I was a respectable, well mannered little girl, those words didn't apply to me, there fore, I had no reason to turn around when people called me a N______ or a T_____ or anything else. Also, beware of how much power you allow other people--and their words--to have over you. I wish I could offer more wisdom or something, but I think that this is all I've got. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Also, if this is a person you have any sort of positive history with, it may be worth while to have a calm heart-to-heart with him w/o the kids around. It is possible that neighbor-man is oblivious/ignorant and not meaning your son any disrespect. I didn't know about the Lone Ranger until a little while ago and I had heard Tonto references through out my childhood without understanding the context, I wouldn't have known it was offensive without a little extra reading and digging on my part only a couple of years ago. Also, I only recently found out that 'G!nger' was offensive to some red-headed people. Really, I didn't know. I know redheads who proudly and playfully call themselves gingers and I, in passing and the privacy of my own head, referred to other redheads as Gingers. I had 0 idea that this could hurt someone until I read about it on this forum a while back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Is there any way that this person has no idea what they are talking about? Honestly, I had to look it up. If the neighbor is a young adult, this may be the case. Some of the younger people at the dojo were talking about the new movie last week and the only thing they knew about it was that it was a remake of "some old western show from the 50s or something". If I thought this might be the case, I would refrain from punching him in the face long enough to educate him. Clearly and thoroughly so that he would never make that mistake again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Also, I only recently found out that 'G!nger' was offensive to some red-headed people. Really, I didn't know. I know redheads who proudly and playfully call themselves gingers and I, in passing and the privacy of my own head, referred to other redheads as Gingers. I had 0 idea that this could hurt someone until I read about it on this forum a while back. Why do they find that offensive? That is a real, unoffensive term. It isn't negative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Why do they find that offensive? That is a real, unoffensive term. It isn't negative. Thats what I thought, but I think it is more of a British/English/UK thing of origin, but this thread is the one that made me aware of the negative part of it, then I did a little online searching and found more. I'm still not really clear on how this is viewed in present day among various English speaking countries because Ed Sheeran calls himself a Ginger and it doesn't seem scandalous, but then a lot of Black people refer to themselves as a N!664 and there is no problem, but if someone else does it, it can be a HUUUUUGGE problem. (I don't know how/why that is either....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shahrazad Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I hate when I start a topic and then can't get back to reply to quotes. There are so many I love. Sending poop? Bwahahaha. Filing that away for future use. He said it again today and I very firmly said he cannot call him that. He asked why. I repeated, more firmly, that he cannot call him that. He said "But xxxx(his son) can be the Lone Ranger and xxxx is Tonto. My son is only 5 and doesn't understand this. I told him nobody is allowed to call him that. He asked if it was a bad word. :( I would like to. Really. And as asshattery may or may not be my new favorite word. This is brilliant. You know, when I first heard that such a thing existed (mail order prank poop) in passing from a family friend making a joke, I knew that it would come in handy some day. 11 years later and it finally has ;)! I even saw you can enclose a note. I'm thinking something like 'Tonto? Seriously, asshat?!' though that might be a dead giveaway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I hate when I start a topic and then can't get back to reply to quotes. There are so many I love. Sending poop? Bwahahaha. Filing that away for future use. He said it again today and I very firmly said he cannot call him that. He asked why. I repeated, more firmly, that he cannot call him that. He said "But xxxx(his son) can be the Lone Ranger and xxxx is Tonto. My son is only 5 and doesn't understand this. I told him nobody is allowed to call him that. He asked if it was a bad word. :( When he asked why, was it a rude, combative "why"? Because if not, I don't understand why you just repeated yourself instead of actually answering him. A simple "because it is a derogatory racial slur and it offends me" might go a long way if this neighbor is otherwise a decent guy. It actually sounds like maybe he has just seen the new movie and thought "white and NA partners/friends/co-heroes, cool, xxxx could play this with his friend yyyy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Could somebody please educate me WHY it is considered offensive? I did not grow up in this culture and I have honestly no idea; I have never come across this term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Could somebody please educate me WHY it is considered offensive? I did not grow up in this culture and I have honestly no idea; I have never come across this term. 1. It means stupid in Spanish. 2. It is like calling a black kid Sambo. They are names that took on offensive stereotypes and thereby became offensive in and of themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 1. It means stupid in Spanish. 2. It is like calling a black kid Sambo. They are names that took on offensive stereotypes and thereby became offensive in and of themselves. What does Sambo mean? Why is THAT offensive as well? And with respect to 1., how the term come to be used for Native Americans? They don't speak Spanish... confused Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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