PSA about Wedding Etiquette

[bobbeym]

I have a very strange opposite problem. DH and I live in the community where I grew up. We live very close to my parents, and attend the same LDS ward (congregation) as them. I can't count how many times someone has sent an invitation to my PARENTS and just assumed that I would know I was included in that invitation as well. Uh. . . I'm a married adult with an established household of my own. WHY would I be expected to know that the invitation included me when you did not put my name on it or send it to my home?

 

Oooh, I've had this problem too. My dad is the oldest of 10 and I'm his oldest. I'm only 1 yr younger than his baby sister, but 8 years older than any of the other grandkids.

 

For the longest time I was left out of the loop on *everything* in the family b/c they'd send everything to my parents and not to me & DH. Happened to my brothers too once they grew up. We even lost out on participating in a major family vacation b/c they expected my parents to send me the email instead of sending it to us themselves. It wasn't until a good number of the much younger than me grandkids became adults and got included in things that the rest of us did too. :glare:

[mom2samlibby]

So... let me ask:

We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says:

"Names(s) in our party __________"

 

Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names?

 

 

You and your husband are the only two invited. Just fill in your two names.

[mom2samlibby]

I feel differently about infants. If the invitation says "no children", I know my 2-12 year olds aren't welcome. But I would feel ok with bringing an under 1, nursing infant. Am I rude?? He/she isn't taking up space or eating a meal.

 

 

Sorry, that's rude too. No children, means no children. Babies still make noise.

[Kathryn]

My maid of honor returned her "Miss Jane Doe and guest" invitation with an RSVP card that said she would be bringing FIVE guests. When I called her, she told me it would be her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend, her own boyfriend, and his best friend and that guy's girlfriend, because she didn't want to be bored or have her boyfriend be bored. Um, oh. I can't remember how that got worked out, but only her boyfriend showed up.

[beaners]

When you are spending over $100 a head, it does make a difference. I think it depends on what type of wedding you are having. Not everyone wants kids running around at their wedding, monopolizing the dace floor, etc.

 

Also, my husband and I like to drink and socialize at weddings, not babysit. ;)

 

My friend just got married and the restaurant (club) had a separate room set up for the kids (only the few kids who were part of the wedding party, children of close family, etc). It was cute and such a great idea.

 

 

Haha, and I can't imagine a wedding without that. Honestly, what's a wedding album without cute pictures of the bride and groom dancing with nieces and nephews?

[kwickimom]

I have never been to a wedding that was "no children." It never crossed my mind that people did that. Wow.

[Remudamom]

You know what I can't figure out? Where I grew up you got an invitation with the names of the people invited. Okay, this is straightforward, easy to understand.

 

Here in dh's hometown, midwest, they put an announcement in the paper. No invites. I can not make myself go to a wedding for which I have not received a formal invitation. Just. can't. do it.

 

Then I'm a snot because I don't go.

[Ellie]

So... let me ask:

We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says:

"Names(s) in our party __________"

 

Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names?

 

Only the names which are on the envelope are invited, even if the response card doesn't specifically say only the people whose names are on the envelop are invited.

 

If all of the children were also invited, the outer envelope would have Mr. and Mrs. Fred Us, and the inner envelope would have "Mr. and Mrs. Us, Orkie, Andy, and George." ("And family" or "And guest" is really not the best way to do that; it should be the names of the invitees.) Alternatively, if the invitations don't include an inner envelope, then the mailing address would have something like "Mr. and Mrs. Fred Us and all the little Usses."

[FaithManor]

 

 

ALSO please do not invite someone else and then indicate that what is being served is unacceptable as in "Jamie doesn't like chicken or fish. Please provide a plate of salamis and cheese".

 

YES direct quote from an rsvp that came the other day!

 

No I have no intention of shopping for salamis and cheese.

 

Yes I am slightly bored in the hospital waiting room so this thread is a good distraction!

 

Faith

[Shahrazad]

Um_Musa, it depends on their background. If they are middle-eastern, the usual assumption is that children are invited unless specified 'no children', 'adults only', or 'nursing babies only'. We specified at my wedding party for nursing babies only (and older girls who could be trusted to behave) and it was big drama because it wasn't commonly done. I really would not have minded children if the people could control them but since I knew they wouldn't, the answer was heck no.

[FaithManor]

 

 

I agree it is their right but it never sits well with me to exclude children from such events. I am not against adult only parties or evenings out....but these milestone celebrations that exclude children makes me sad.

 

In theory it's a nice idea. In practice not so much for many people.several of the halls and conference rooms in our area now charge double or even triple for the use of the facility if children are invited. The reason for this is that parents no longer parent and allow their kids to trash the place. Our church won't allow the church nursery to even be opened for diaper changes or a nursing mother for non churcssponsored events because people leave older kids unattended in there and the toys are constantly broken. Oh and the Crayon and marker "art" on the walls. It's be

because of ill mannered parents that many events are becoming "no kids allowed".

 

We invited some children but no babies because of having no where for changing or nursing.

No babies. But the kids we have invited are nice children with parents that keep aneye on them.

 

Faith

[Ohdanigirl]

Hmmmn, strange. When I receive invites to formal occasions, there is a small card included that has the number in the party. This is in addition to the invitation and RSVP card. Leaves no room for confusion.

[SpecialClassical]

It makes sense that whoever is on the invitation is who will be expected. The no children issue is tricky. I tried to invite children I knew and not children of distant relatives who had a reputation for being uncontrolled. My mom went behind my back and invited all the children of all families. I understand why she did it, but I was really worried about putting all that planning into the ceremony and having it ruined by loud, undisciplined children. Now I see that it was selfish, but it seemed reasonable at the time.

 

Flash forward several years later and my husband's cousin's wedding was very clearly no children at all. We were expected to be there, but without our newly adopted infant. We got a babysitter and dealt with it. But what really got me was the bride's mom telling the matron of honor that her nursing baby was not allowed to be at the wedding, even behind the scenes. She was insistent that it was to be no children and that meant this young lady's baby-no accomodations! So her need (not the bride's) to have a child-free wedding trumped her daughter's good friend's need to feed her child. Unbelievable. In the end I do believe the baby visited the reception, or maybe it was between ceremony and reception, and was fed.

[athena1277]

While we are clarifying who is to be invited to a wedding, tell me your thoughts on this one. Dh's brother got married 3 months after we got engaged. Dh received an invitation that said "dh and guest". Yes, they had met me and knew of our engagement. I was rather offended. Dh told his mom, who told his brother and I got an invite in the mail a week later. I wouldn't have been offended if one invite was sent to dh and it said "dh and me".

 

Was I wrong to be offended?

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, it just brought up the bad memory.

[zoobie]

So... let me ask:

We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says:

"Names(s) in our party __________"

 

Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names?

 

Just you and DH. If the invite were sent to Mr. John Doe and Guest, John would write John Doe and Sally Smith. Probably for table seating arrangements. :)

 

DH and I were 22 when we got married. No one we knew had kids. No nieces and nephews. I wanted to elope, but my parents insisted on a church wedding at their church. No children were invited to the wedding, but some lady from the church brought her toddler who screamed through the whole thing. Didn't leave. Just sat there with a wailing kid. I didn't know who she was! Still annoyed by that. ;)

[Jann in TX]

Nursing babies are not always quiet and 'family' does not always take them out of the room...

 

I've been to too many weddings were a DISTANT family member or friend brought their 'nursing baby' or toddlers just to have the children interupt the service-- to the point that the wedding videos were useless (only crying and complaining can be heard!)...

 

I'm all for family receptions--but not necessarily services-- especially something as intimate as a wedding. In the above cases the brides told the 'offending' families that it was 'no problem' (trying to be gracious)... but in reality it was... one bride cried because the video sound was ruined-- she wanted to send the recording to a dear family member who could not attend...

[vonfirmath]

While we are clarifying who is to be invited to a wedding, tell me your thoughts on this one. Dh's brother got married 3 months after we got engaged. Dh received an invitation that said "dh and guest". Yes, they had met me and knew of our engagement. I was rather offended. Dh told his mom, who told his brother and I got an invite in the mail a week later. I wouldn't have been offended if one invite was sent to dh and it said "dh and me".

 

Was I wrong to be offended?

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, it just brought up the bad memory.

 

 

My husband's cousin was engaged and living with a guy for our wedding. We sent the invitation to Cousin's name and guest. We had no independent relationship with the guy.

 

They must have not been too offended. They both came. (and we went to their wedding in October)

[Ellie]

While we are clarifying who is to be invited to a wedding, tell me your thoughts on this one. Dh's brother got married 3 months after we got engaged. Dh received an invitation that said "dh and guest". Yes, they had met me and knew of our engagement. I was rather offended. Dh told his mom, who told his brother and I got an invite in the mail a week later. I wouldn't have been offended if one invite was sent to dh and it said "dh and me".

 

Was I wrong to be offended?

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, it just brought up the bad memory.

 

 

It is never, ever proper to use "and guest." Never.

 

I would have been offended, too, but I would have tried to tell myself that it was an oversight on their part. I hope that wasn't a bad omen for you!.

[Ellie]

Nursing babies are not always quiet and 'family' does not always take them out of the room...

 

I've been to too many weddings were a DISTANT family member or friend brought their 'nursing baby' or toddlers just to have the children interupt the service-- to the point that the wedding videos were useless (only crying and complaining can be heard!)...

 

I'm all for family receptions--but not necessarily services-- especially something as intimate as a wedding. In the above cases the brides told the 'offending' families that it was 'no problem' (trying to be gracious)... but in reality it was... one bride cried because the video sound was ruined-- she wanted to send the recording to a dear family member who could not attend...

 

 

One of Mr. Ellie's work friends came with his wife and 2yo dc. They sat in the second row. Where the sound of their cranky toddler, who whined during the whole ceremony, were clearly picked up on the recording.

[QueenCat]

So... let me ask:

We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says:

"Names(s) in our party __________"

 

Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names?

 

 

If it were the whole family, it would typically say "Mr. and Mrs. Us and children (or family". The name part on the rsvp card is for you and your husband. At least that's been my prior experience.

[QueenCat]

Hmmmn, strange. When I receive invites to formal occasions, there is a small card included that has the number in the party. This is in addition to the invitation and RSVP card. Leaves no room for confusion.

 

 

No confusion to me.... The number on the rsvp card would not exceed the number invited :)

[poppy]

 

 

It is never, ever proper to use "and guest." Never.

 

I would have been offended, too, but I would have tried to tell myself that it was an oversight on their part. I hope that wasn't a bad omen for you!.

 

I think 'and guest' is proper if you are inviting a single friend and letting them know they can bring a date. Single as in 'not in a serious relationship'. It is kind to let a friend bring a guest of their own choice, particularly if they won't know many people at the reception.

[poppy]

 

 

No confusion to me.... The number on the rsvp card would not exceed the number invited :)

 

Right, the invitation should allow the responder to list how many, if any, are coming. If Mrs. and Mr. are invited, the invitation should not presume both will attend. Particularly if kids are not appropriate for the reception, it is always possible that one parent will stay home with the kids.

[Kathryn]

 

 

It is never, ever proper to use "and guest." Never.

 

I would have been offended, too, but I would have tried to tell myself that it was an oversight on their part. I hope that wasn't a bad omen for you!.

 

Not according to Emily Post.

 

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/339-addressing-sending-wedding-invitations

[Seasider]

Those of you advocating for nursing infants have perhaps forgotten how quickly one previously occupied diaper can change the ambience of a room.

 

Echoing what others have pointed out - baby noises are easily picked up in recordings, provisions must be made for diaper changing and nursing areas, the schedule of a wedding party's activities may get shifted around the needs of a guest's baby (I have witnessed this, the bride having to give up her get-dressed space 30 minutes for someone to nurse a baby).

 

My thought here may not be all that popular, but there is a degree of sacrifice involved in mothering. The responsibilities to one's infant may just trump participation in a wedding. I know that sounds mean, but it's the reality of motherhood. Haven't we all given up one thing or another to tend to a sick child or for a kids' activity scheduling conflict at some time in our motherhood? It's an ongoing joke between dh and me - mom always eats the burned toast - which is of course a euphemism for the fact that sometimes we just have to be content with the short end of the stick. Parenthood is sacrificial by nature.

 

If a bride and groom wish to include dear friends or family members with infants, they should plan accordingly. But a guest who receives an invitation should abide by its terms. What would be ruder - to invite adults only, or send no invitation at all because the hosts do not want the children included? The duties of the guest are to respond appropriately to the invitation as issued - not to press forward with special exceptions.

 

 

[SailorMom]

If everyone, and I mean everyone, was as conscientious about their babies, toddlers, and kids as I am/was (almost too much so - I never could enjoy anything) the kids wouldn't be an issue. Problem is - they aren't. Weddings aren't the only place....

When we spouses were all called to an emergency meeting at the base to find out that we had lost people in our squadron, one 2 yo was running around the briefing room basically yelling his head off. It was so bad that I didn't find out that it was a good friend of ours until 20 minutes after the brief - I couldn't hear the announcement at all.

Funerals,..... I mean - why? Why bring in a crying baby? It's not that I hate babies - but I'd like to hear the service...

Or - leave the room, people.

It's the attitude of "kids are people too, I have a right to be here and participate even if my kid is a 'bit' annoying, and anyone who says otherwise hates children" that drives me nuts.

[Ellie]

Not according to Emily Post.

 

http://www.emilypost...ing-invitations

 

 

She is entitled to her opinion, lol.

 

Miss Manners says that if you're inviting someone you care about to an event, and you know that he has an important relationship, you should take the time to learn what his significant other's name is, and send that person an invitation. If you don't know about such a relationship, well, as an adult person it is possible to attend an event by yourself. It is not rude to anyone to do so. You may also call the host (or whoever sent the invitation) and ask if your SO could be invited, but you have to do it ASAP.

[beaners]

 

She is entitled to her opinion, lol.

 

Miss Manners says that if you're inviting someone you care about to an event, and you know that he has an important relationship, you should take the time to learn what his significant other's name is, and send that person an invitation. If you don't know about such a relationship, well, as an adult person it is possible to attend an event by yourself. It is not rude to anyone to do so. You may also call the host (or whoever sent the invitation) and ask if your SO could be invited, but you have to do it ASAP.

 

:huh: I knew I was already out of the etiquette loop, but it's worse than I expected. I'm usually standing alone on the "is this tacky" threads, because I'm impossible to offend. I'd never do this though. Huh. I learned something new today. Yesterday was the meaning of palimpsest. Today it's this.

[Julie Smith]

It is also important to remember that there is still a burden on the host/hostess-if you mean "Mr. and Mrs. Doe and Family" be sure to write it clearly and not leave that up to word of mouth or guessing. If you want your single friends to bring a date be sure to put "Mr./Miss Doe and Guest" so that they don't assume otherwise. The number of folks who turn down invitations because their SO was not included as an and Guest or because the kids weren't mentioned on the invite but assumed also leads to hurt feelings. It works on both sides-hosts need to specify and guests need to pay attention.

 

I found in our circles people weren't specific on the invite. So I always asked, or had Dh ask. We always asked politely for clarification. About half the time we would get, "Oh, of course we meant XYZ" the other half, "Oh, of course we meant ABC". :confused1:

[AnIslandGirl]

"When in doubt, give a shout."

If you are close enough to the couple to get a wedding invite, you should have the common courtesy to clarify if you have a question. Sometimes poorly addressed invitations do leave you wondering, but a simple phone call with a "Hello, I'm about to line up a sitter for your wedding, and I just wanted to make sure it was an adults only invite, right?" would do wonders in clearing up headaches for the bride to be.

 

This does not only apply to wedding invites though. I'm always amazed at some people who just don't get invitation etiquette.

 

OP, I feel your pain!

[Seasider]

"When in doubt, give a shout."

If you are close enough to the couple to get a wedding invite, you should have the common courtesy to clarify if you have a question. Sometimes poorly addressed invitations do leave you wondering, but a simple phone call with a "Hello, I'm about to line up a sitter for your wedding, and I just wanted to make sure it was an adults only invite, right?" would do wonders in clearing up headaches for the bride to be.

 

This does not only apply to wedding invites though. I'm always amazed at some people who just don't get invitation etiquette.

 

OP, I feel your pain!

 

 

IslandGirl, I appreciate the way you worded this query. It would let the host know that one understands the adult-only possibility and doesn't put them in an awkward position for having to say that the children are not welcome. Well done. Much nicer than someone calling and saying something like, "Hey, we'd love to come, you don't mind if we bring the kids, do ya?"

[Erin]

Weddings are usually a pretty casual affair in the culture. You invite everyone you know and they bring everyone they know. We were having a more traditional reception with a sit down dinner and dancing.

 

We actually put inserts into certain invitations that said "this is an adult only reception."

 

I have to say, in my corner of the world, children would have to be specifically excluded, because otherwise it's just assumed that weddings are celebrations for the entire family. But then, you don't usually see a big, sit-down, per-plate type of reception, either. It's more likely to be a buffet-type of supper.

 

And the dance is usually open to the entire community. Come one, come all.

 

Haha, and I can't imagine a wedding without that. Honestly, what's a wedding album without cute pictures of the bride and groom dancing with nieces and nephews?

And neighbor kids, and Sunday School students... ;)

 

The only reason I've even heard of child-free weddings is because of boards like this with a widely mixed group, and bridal magazines.

This is a cultural thing, ladies...

[SebastianCat]

We've been invited to a mixed bag of weddings here. Most of my experience has been with entire families invited, weddings within the family where kids in the family were expected, or my kids were in the wedding and expected to attend.

 

When DH & I were married 14 years ago, we specifically included children, and listed their names on the invitations. For our single friends, we did use "Suzie and Guest" and got more than a few thank yous because of that. (Whether or not that's appropriate etiquette doesn't bother me at all.) We did have a church wedding but the reception was at a historic home in mid-afternoon, so it wasn't a sit-down dinner. We had hors d'oevres, cake, and punch. The kids ended up running around outside getting dirty most of that time. :)

 

We are expecting a wedding invite this fall from someone we know at church. If the invitations aren't clear, I have no issues asking him or his fiancee, "Do you prefer that the kids stay home?" and get the answer directly from them rather than assuming incorrectly or getting my feelings hurt.

 

If it's a wedding for someone I don't know well, or don't see often enough to ask, I'd rather err on the side of assuming that kids aren't invited. Otherwise, I'll just ask. And if kids aren't invited, the bride and groom should understand if I decline the invitation if it requires overnight travel, a hotel stay, etc. We just don't have that kind of childcare available.

[LMA]

I would not assume about nursing babies. Because they can still cry and interrupt. It is still proper etiquette to either decline or ask the hosts.

[Julie Smith]

My polite way of asking, or getting dh to ask is, "We are just trying to make our plans for the wedding. We aren't sure / can't remember if it a kids invited wedding, would you mind telling which you prefer we do."

[Impish]

I have to say that I don't understand the idea of getting hurt/offended if children aren't invited to an event.

 

Their event, their $, their plans...they get to make the rules.

 

Why be unhappy about it?

[Moxie]

I have to say that I don't understand the idea of getting hurt/offended if children aren't invited to an event.

 

Their event, their $, their plans...they get to make the rules.

 

Why be unhappy about it?

 

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

[GeorgiaGirl160]

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

 

 

Wow! Are you really saying that saving $50 and a phone call for you is more important than other considerations for the couple planning a once-in-a-lifetime $10,000.00 event? Like their vows to each other, religious significance if necessary, thousands of $$$ spent on photos and videos, etc. etc.?

 

GA Cub Mom

[GeorgiaGirl160]

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

 

 

Wow! Are you really saying that saving $50 and a phone call for you is more important than other considerations for the couple planning a once-in-a-lifetime $10,000.00 event? Like their vows to each other, religious significance if necessary, thousands of $$$ spent on photos and videos, etc. etc.?

 

GA Cub Mom

[lailasmum]

I have to say that I don't understand the idea of getting hurt/offended if children aren't invited to an event.

 

Their event, their $, their plans...they get to make the rules.

 

Why be unhappy about it?

 

I suppose one element of it is that from a practical point of view many weddings are incredibly expensive to attend as a guest. Once you add up travel and acommodation that is usually needed (I have personally never attended a local wedding) plus food for the rest of the time you are away plus any new clothes you need and other expenses they can cost alot to attend. If you have kids it generally doesn't cost a lot more to take them with you and use the time away as a family break. But then obviously then it's awkward if the kids can't come to the wedding and does require a fair bit of extra logisitics and possbily expense to make attending a possibility.

[Moxie]

 

 

Wow! Are you really saying that saving $50 and a phone call for you is more important than other considerations for the couple planning a once-in-a-lifetime $10,000.00 event? Like their vows to each other, religious significance if necessary, thousands of $$$ spent on photos and videos, etc. etc.?

 

GA Cub Mom

 

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. :001_rolleyes: :001_rolleyes: :001_rolleyes:

[Jenny in Florida]

I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

 

It's this part that saddens -- not offends -- me.

 

I'm puzzled and more than a little put off by the idea that a wedding is this staged event that must be "perfect" and sterile and child free in order not to be "ruined." I actually can't imagine enjoying an event like that. Okay, honestly, I can't imagine I'd ever be friendly enough with someone who planned such an event to even be invited. If I were, I'd do my best to attend, but I'd do so only to support my friend and not because I expected to have a good time.

[Julie Smith]

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

 

We didn't invite my 35+ cousins or there kids of an average of 2.5 each. We wanted something small and if you included my cousins, there spouses and kids you are talking about 150 people. (Then add in my 12 aunts and uncles, spouses, and other older relatives and you would have 200 people of just my family.) I had 120 people in total at my wedding - and it was a double wedding with my husbands sister.

 

It wasn't because kids would ruin an otherwise perfect day. It was because I didn't want a large wedding. It was kind of a hic country wedding at my in-laws house. Trust me, the day was far from perfect. :p

[Danestress]

 

 

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

 

But you absolutely don't have to go to a wedding. If it is a pain for you, just make your regrets. I am always looking for excuses to avoid going to weddings, which are almost always tedious, annoying events. Unless it were my sister, I would just give my regrets and send a gift.

 

The bottom line is that you can accept invitations or decline them, but you can not renegotiate the terms.

[gardening momma]

I'm not "offended". It annoys me when kids aren't invited because it is a PITA and expensive to line up a sitter. I am bothered by the assumption that children will ruin everything on an otherwise perfect day.

I agree, and I'm bothered by the assumption that kids are the only ones who make noise. There are plenty of adults who cough/sneeze/clear their throat/fidget/whisper/think they're whispering when they're not/etc.

[freesia]

Another thing is that some folks just can't afford to include the kids at the reception. I would have loved to have kids (I babysat, nannied and then taught primary school for years) at my wedding. My mother insisted on a meal instead of cake and punch. That severely limited the guest list. Weddings can be complicated negotiation processes.

[GeorgiaGirl160]

Good point, freesia. Our caterer charged by the head for our buffet dinner. Didn't matter how old the head was. I can't afford to pay $100/head for my cousin's kid to eat two bites.

[FaithManor]

 

We didn't invite my 35+ cousins or there kids of an average of 2.5 each. We wanted something small and if you included my cousins, there spouses and kids you are talking about 150 people. (Then add in my 12 aunts and uncles, spouses, and other older relatives and you would have 200 people of just my family.) I had 120 people in total at my wedding - and it was a double wedding with my husbands sister.

 

It wasn't because kids would ruin an otherwise perfect day. It was because I didn't want a large wedding. It was kind of a hic country wedding at my in-laws house. Trust me, the day was far from perfect. :p

 

THIS! DD didn't want a large wedding either. Both she and her fiance do not like crowds. If we added kids of every family member and close, personal friend that was on the limited guest list to the number, the size of the event tripled. I do not understand the philosophy that other people must pay for a huge event. DD really hates crowds. There is a big difference between planning a wedding for 90 and one for 270!

 

Actually, now that we know she is facing emergency surgery, I'm so glad we opted to probably offend people by having a small wedding. There is still the chance that she will be well enough to attend. If we had included all of the children and babies of the adults on the guest list, we would just have to call the event off.

 

Small is good in many, many cases and I wish people would stop judging those that choose as small wedding as automatic child haters.

 

FYI - there are seven children at this event. Invited guests, special to dd and groom. If we go ahead with the wedding, we will still have to make sure they are watched closely so she doesn't get hugged tight, run into, etc. Given her height, her incision will be at the just right height for small people to bump her right at the wound. Ugh...another thing to think about...blood and a wedding dress. Sigh....I've already suggested the elimination of the receiving line. Everyone wants to hug and I can't imagine that it will be good for her to hug 90 people.

 

Faith

[Giraffe]

Well, now I feel bad I rsvp'd before the invitations were sent! In my defense, I had just spoken to the bride on the phone, at length, about the wedding, logistics, etc., and the RSVP system was online. The wedding is in a different country and I needed to confirm things to make plans. She has an interesting way of handling kids. They are welcome at the ceremony and champagne reception immediately after (morning) but she's having an adults-only dinner later that evening. There just isn't space for the kids and quite frankly they'd be bored. Babysitting is available at the hotel where the event is, and we've booked our room there as well to keep things simple.

 

I have a ginormous family like Julie Smith above and eloped just to avoid the same issues!

[Julie Smith]

I'm just laughing thinking of the age cut off for what is considered kids.

 

At my wedding I invited my brother. His wife and three of my friends were in my bridal party. My favorite cousin was the official photographer. Other than that everyone I invited was over the age of 45.

 

Due to the type of wedding we picked (double wedding at my inlaws house. Everyone except my three friends coming from out of town. My parents putting up everyone coming for the wedding at her house.) I had to limit my wedding invite list include myself and the wedding party to 32 people. So counting the above people and my parents and my crazy gramma that left 23 people. So I invited my aunts and uncles (including ones through marriage that had been around even before I was born) and one very close family friend who use to babysit me. She was in charge of makeup, hair, ... For me and anyone else who wanted help. She use to do it professionally.

 

It was far from a picture prefect kid free wedding. I was chased by a dog, and some chickens got out and had to be caught and put back. They goofed the menu and replaced the vegetarian options with meat so I only got bread and water for dinner. My husband and his 4 best men got in a water gun fun before the first dance. (yes all wring nice fancy suits).

 

Now to give an evil look to my now cousin in law who took his dog to the wedding. :/ yes he was coming from out of town and staying at my in laws house. But it was his dog that chased me. I suppose the three dogs already living the house, and the one my uncle in law brought was not enough dogs.

 

(actually I didn't mind to much. It added some excitement to the day)