It's so hard to see our parents age. My dad's Parkinson's is really taking a toll.

[Colleen]

I've shared here before about my father's declining health and I just need a hug as I confront again the reality of his aging and Parkinson's. He's not yet 75 and in many respects both he and my mom are in good health. These last few years, though, he's been in a downward spiral. He had a knee replacement a couple of years ago and it took him an unusually long time to recover from that. Last year he began having occasional black-outs and recently that's caused him to fall three times. When we were at my parents' last month, the day before he'd fallen while standing in the kitchen and required stitches in his head. He called me last night and was telling me he'd fallen again, and also said he's having more trouble with his speech. And he is, no question; between slurring and stuttering it just...it was so hard not to weep as I listened to him.

 

Tears here.

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

((((Colleen))))) Love you.

 

Camy

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I know how hard it is. A dear man that we walked with often when my older was a tot had Parkinson's. We would meet him almost daily while walking in our neighborhood. While he was not a parent, we did see the decline he was going through. And *that* was hard. I can only imagine that amplified in respect to a parent. I can only offer lots of prayer and hugs from afar. But we all know how strong those are, don't we. :grouphug:

[Brigitte]

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.

[percytruffle]

I've shared here before about my father's declining health and I just need a hug as I confront again the reality of his aging and Parkinson's. He's not yet 75 and in many respects both he and my mom are in good health. These last few years, though, he's been in a downward spiral. He had a knee replacement a couple of years ago and it took him an unusually long time to recover from that. Last year he began having occasional black-outs and just recently that's caused him to fall three times. When we were at my parents' last month, just the day before he'd fallen while standing in the kitchen and required stitches in his head. He called me last night and was telling me he'd fallen again, and also said he's having more trouble with his speech. And he is, no question; between slurring and stuttering it just...it was so hard not to just weep as I listened to him.

 

Tears here.

 

Colleen, I know exactly what you are feeling. I lost my dad to Parkinson's Disease about 10 years ago. It was very challenging for the whole family. There were many times of weeping, and still are all of these years past. If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me. (((Colleen)))

[JudoMom]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry, Colleen. I'll pray for you.

[Tracy in Ky]

I am so sorry. I know it will be so hard when my dad starts having aging/health issues. :grouphug:

 

Love you,

 

Tracy

[Colleen]

...there may be times when I want to connect with someone who has dealt with a parent's Parkinson's. We regularly visit a woman in her 80s at the Christian health care center here; she has Parkinson's and was admitted to the rest home a number of years ago when her husband was no longer able to care for her at home. Having visited her, and watched her decline, I was particularly upset to learn my father has Parkinson's.

 

I'm sorry about your dad, too, (((Lisa))).

[Crissy]

Oh, (((Colleen))). I am so sorry. It is so difficult to be witness to our loved one's struggles when there is no way we can help.

[Danestress]

It is, indeed, very very hard. Falling seems to be a problem here too. Has the doctor talked to you about why he is falling? My FIL had advanced Parkinsons before he died, and I don't remember actually falling being a problem (though he did shuffle badly when he walked). Does he fall right after he stands up or is it just in the course of going about his business?

 

I'm really feeling for you. As you know, I'm watching my father's slow and miserable decline, and not enjoying it.

 

When I had young children, people used to regularly tell me to enjoy them, that they grow up fast. Which is true. But I can't remember anyone ever saying, "Look at your parents. Really look at them. See how young and happy they look? That's not going to last. Really really take the time to enjoy this stage before it passes." :(

[Mekanamom]

(((Colleen)))

 

It's very hard. My grandfather had Parkinson's and we cared for him in our home for a while when I was a teen. My Aunt has it now.

 

Having been close to the disease 20 years ago, and seeing what treatments there are today... the treatments are much better these days. Much better. My Aunt just had a brain implant done, and although it will take time to adjust it correctly, she is already feeling some relief. That wasn't even an option 20 years ago.

 

It's a horrible disease, and witnessing a loved one suffer is always difficult. (((Hugs to you))) and (((your dad)))... I wish I could say something that would really help other than "the treatments are better" these days... it's something, at least.

[sdWTMer]

:grouphug:

 

My dad is in later stage diabetes. It's tough. I'm so very sorry that you are having to go through this. It's incredibly hard having an aging parent and seeing their decline.

 

Once again...my thoughts go out to you. Hang in there.

[Ann@thebeach]

I'm so sorry. I agree that's it's hard too.

We never had health issues with our parents until the last year or 2. Now my father in law has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and while he's not greatly affected yet, his hand shake is getting worse and I know that more mobility issues will eventually creep up.

And then my dad was diagnosed with COPD 2 yrs ago and these last few months have gotten worse for him-struggling to breath at the lightest effort and more colds in the winter.

They are both in the mid 60's and I've recently realized they may not see their grandkids grow up or get married. It's sad. We spend as much time with them as possible.

[Miss Peregrine]

{{{{Colleen}}}}

 

Scott's mom has Parkinson's, too. It is very hard to watch. She falls frequently and has trouble walking. She had the brain surgery a couple of years ago which has delayed the progression somewhat, but it is still very evident.

 

I know how hard this is and I'm sorry. {{{BIG hugs}}}

[Sue G in PA]

:grouphug: Colleen. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My prayers are with you and your dad.

[Tina]

And harder still making decisions about where they live and such. I'm so with you. :grouphug:

 

My dh and kids went to visit mil at the nursing home (where she had to move last November) yesterday. Several hours later, bil and sil went to visit her. She was crying that no one visits her, and had no recollection of their visit, or that they'd gotten her dd on the phone to visit with her during their visit. She's been having a fall every month or so.

 

Then sil (single and 69) had a ministroke a week and a half ago. She was in a nursing home for a week and is now home, wondering if she should drive the hour down here next weekend. I tried to gently suggest she should take it slowly, maybe drive in her town a bit first--when she drives again.

 

My dad is having various heart problems, not venturing far from home (and the doctor). It was sad to realize on the 4th, that we've probably had our last big family get-together at the lake--last year.

 

Yep, life's going to get harder, but we'll make it. Enjoy the time you can with your folks. We went up to do yardwork at the lake for my folks last Wednesday, and had a wonderful afternoon playing cards while one of my ds's was thrilled using the riding mower for the first time. :001_smile:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: It is so hard knowing there isn't much you can do except love them through it. I remember growing up thinking my dad was invincible.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Doran]

I'm right there with you, sharing the hurt and tears.

 

I'm so sorry, Colleen.

[*anj*]

Colleen,

I'm so sorry for your struggle. This must be so hard. I have a friend whose father has early onset Alzheimer's and it's just so difficult to see someone decline that way...so frustrating for them when they are aware of the changes, and so frustrating for you because there's no way to fix it.

 

I'll be praying for your dad and for your family. Do spend time with him now, while he's still able to enjoy you. Your dad will be blessed, you will cherish the memories, and it will be a good lesson for your boys.

Again, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: (and this isn't adequate, but you get the idea)

[Jill- OK]

When I had young children, people used to regularly tell me to enjoy them, that they grow up fast. Which is true. But I can't remember anyone ever saying, "Look at your parents. Really look at them. See how young and happy they look? That's not going to last. Really really take the time to enjoy this stage before it passes." :(

 

Many of you know I lived with my grandparents, and so they're a little more advanced in years than my peers' parents (grandfather is 80)...but I still wasn't prepared.

 

My grandfather has good days, and bad days, with the bad days starting to become more and more frequent. :-( (My grandmother has had years of health issues, and so the fact that it's now my John Wayne-esque, rock of a grandfather, who's taken such good care of her all these years, suffering and weakening, is a double whammy).

 

I'm glad we decided to move home, and I have to remind myself to treasure every day. Thanks for this reminder.

 

(And ((hugs)) Colleen...I know it's hard.)

[Scarlett]

I'm sorry Colleen. The father of one of my good friend's died of Parkinsons recently. It was a heartbreaking decline to watch for sure. They were by some miracle able to keep him home until the very end, but it is VERY hard on the caregiver. And of course it is hard on the children.

 

I am just so very sorry.

[AmyB]

I won't tell you what happened to him. I just hope it doesn't happen to anyone you know. I know what you are going through Colleen. It is tough.

[G5052]

My dad has had Parkinson's for some 20 years now and is in the late stages. He rarely speaks and has all the signs of dementia when he can communicate. Mostly he stays in bed. My mom has small vessel disease (similar to Ahlzeihmer's but not the same) with all the attending dementia, paranoia, rages, etc. Our relationship shattered over my mom's driving (I had to get her license taken away), and they don't want anything to do with us now and supposedly have taken me out of their estate.

 

So enjoy your dad while you can. :grouphug:

[chickenpatty]

It is hard, I know. :grouphug:

[Elaine]

:grouphug:

 

My father and I were talking on the phone recently and he said something along the lines of, "When I am gone..." I began to cry. I realize that he is getting older and no matter how much I want to stop time and freeze the moments, I can't.

 

I'm sorry, Colleen. It is hard to face the future without our parents.:grouphug:

[Jenny in Atl]

:grouphug: It's so hard to watch our parents as they face the challenges of age and time. :grouphug:

[Mamagistra]

No words...just understanding and hugs. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Sugarfoot]

Sending prayers your way.:grouphug:

[Colleen]

She had the brain surgery a couple of years ago which has delayed the progression somewhat, but it is still very evident.

 

I think someone else mentioned this, too, but I'm not familiar with a surgery like this. Maybe I should look into that, but I know if my father's doctors don't specifically mention something, he won't consider it. He is of the old school wherein second opinions or even asking many questions of medical professionals just isn't done. That is whole 'nother issue, because he'll tell us, "My doctor said...." and if any of us ask for more info, he just responds, "Well, I don't know either, that's just what the doctor said."

[Colleen]

Does he fall right after he stands up or is it just in the course of going about his business?

 

The latter. That day before we last saw him, he fell while just standing at the counter fixing tea or some such. Very strange.

 

As you know, I'm watching my father's slow and miserable decline, and not enjoying it.

 

I'm sorry, (((Dana))).

 

When I had young children, people used to regularly tell me to enjoy them, that they grow up fast. Which is true. But I can't remember anyone ever saying, "Look at your parents. Really look at them. See how young and happy they look? That's not going to last. Really really take the time to enjoy this stage before it passes."

 

No, no one ever does tell us that, do they? Although I have to be honest and say I've never really perceived my parents as young and happy. From the time I was young, it seems, they conveyed this impression that they were "too old" to do this, that, and the other. Only now, at age 39 myself, do I realize, "What on earth were they talking about? Why did my dad talk, as a fifty-something, about having one foot in the grave?") Perhaps it was their circumstances, growing up in hard times and challenged situations that has lent this air of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" to their lives...

[Colleen]

I was offline yesterday and missed your own post about your father. Just read that today. I am so sorry.

[Colleen]

I won't tell you what happened to him. I just hope it doesn't happen to anyone you know. I know what you are going through Colleen. It is tough.

 

I feel rather sick when I consider what may lie ahead. I'm sorry about your father's death, (((Amy))).

[Colleen]

Your replies were helpful to me. I know many of you have gone through, or are going through, similar circumstances. This is the kind of subject on which we can all agree....Yes, it's hard. Peace to you, friends.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug:

[Danestress]

 

Why did my dad talk, as a fifty-something, about having one foot in the grave?") Perhaps it was their circumstances, growing up in hard times and challenged situations that has lent this air of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" to their lives...

 

Maybe.

 

But have you done any reading about the "Parkinson's Personality?" My FIL was the classic pessimist. Every Thanksgiving was likely his last. He was anxious, risk adverse, and very negative (and I say that having loved him and felt loved by him - I hope it doesn't sound too judgmental, there were many other things I could say about him that are good).

 

After he died, DH and I started seeing articles in newspapers and magazines about research linking Parkinson's disease to depression and anxiety. I don't think they really know why - the personality traits are there years before the Parkinson's is diagnoseable. It may be related to the affect of dopamine levels in the brain. But it was interesting to read about how many Parkinson's patients shared personality traits with FIL.

[Diana in OR]

:grouphug:

 

No words, but hugs for you.

[Colleen]

But have you done any reading about the "Parkinson's Personality?"...research linking Parkinson's disease to depression and anxiety. I don't think they really know why - the personality traits are there years before the Parkinson's is diagnoseable. It may be related to the affect of dopamine levels in the brain.

 

Hmmm. I have to say that's not on target for anyone else I know who has Parkinson's. It will be interesting to see how that research develops.

[Donna T.]

Colleen,

 

:grouphug:

 

So sorry. A dear lady at my church has Parkinson's and it's been so difficult to watch the progression. She worked in the church nursery for all of her adult life. She doesn't come to church anymore because of it. My husband's grandfather also has Parkinson's. It's been equally astonishing to see the progression. His favorite thing in the whole world was his morning cup of coffee but he can't hold his cup now. When it's hard not to weep, we just have to give in to it and do it. I'm not one who believes in holding back tears. I've been crying all day today. I live next door to my elderly grandmother and I'm just overwhelmed with her needs. She actually has quite minimal needs and yet, here I am... overwhelmed and crying. Unfortunately, I sometimes let my grief and hurt turn to anger. That happened earlier today and my dear husband told me to get off my high horse. How's that for support? Well, he was right, but that's another post.

 

Praying for you and your family,

Donna T.

[percytruffle]

 

Hmmm. I have to say that's not on target for anyone else I know who has Parkinson's. It will be interesting to see how that research develops.

 

 

It wasn't on target for my dad either. But, his Parkinson's developed very quickly. The time from when he was diagnosed to the time we lost him was only about six years. The last two of them were in a nursing facility. He was very depressed near the end, as one would expect, but leading up to the disease I'd have to say no. He was not a pessimist.

[Kelli in TN]

:grouphug:

 

I am so sorry, Colleen.

[EKS]

(((Colleen)))

 

My FIL has Parkinson's and several different kinds of cancer, some of which have spread. The cancer treatments make the Parkinson's get out of whack and when that happens his quality of life goes sharply downhill. As far as I can tell, the Parkinson's is the number one thing that gets him down. Second would be the cancer treatments, and a distant third would be the actual cancer. It is so odd how seemingly unrelated things can make the Parkinson's so much worse.

 

It is so hard to watch our parents age and deal with chronic illness.

[Scarlett]

Maybe.

 

But have you done any reading about the "Parkinson's Personality?" My FIL was the classic pessimist. Every Thanksgiving was likely his last. He was anxious, risk adverse, and very negative (and I say that having loved him and felt loved by him - I hope it doesn't sound too judgmental, there were many other things I could say about him that are good).

 

After he died, DH and I started seeing articles in newspapers and magazines about research linking Parkinson's disease to depression and anxiety. I don't think they really know why - the personality traits are there years before the Parkinson's is diagnoseable. It may be related to the affect of dopamine levels in the brain. But it was interesting to read about how many Parkinson's patients shared personality traits with FIL.

 

That is most interesting because my dear friend's father (who died of PD) was known for his silliness, and his fondness for joking around, and laughing all the time. :confused: Who knows though. I didn't really know him personally, only through stories from my friend, so maybe he felt differently than he behaved.

[Sparkle]

I'm sorry :grouphug: Praying for you, Colleen, and for *all* of you who are in similar situations.

[Danestress]

That is most interesting because my dear friend's father (who died of PD) was known for his silliness, and his fondness for joking around, and laughing all the time. :confused: Who knows though. I didn't really know him personally, only through stories from my friend, so maybe he felt differently than he behaved.

 

 

Maybe. But I don't think the research was saying that all people with Parkinson's MUST have this personality. According to my MIL (who might as well just get certified as a PD expert after her years of reading and caring for FIL), a lot of doctors noticed that their Parkinson's patients were just unusually great to work with in some ways. They came on time, listened well, and followed directions.

 

Their antecdotal evidence lead to some research, and the research found a coorelation between being a very careful, sometimes pessimistic, person, and developing PD. I'm not sure how strong a coorelation it was, but I am sure that, as is always true with this type of thing, it's not a "for certain in every case" type of situation.

[genie]

I feel rather sick when I consider what may lie ahead.

 

Right there with you. My dad also has Parkinson's. He was always such a strong, tough, active guy. To see him needing help with dressing, medications, walking... well, it's just not how I ever imagined my dad being. Thinking about what may lie ahead is something I can't even begin to handle.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I've shared here before about my father's declining health and I just need a hug as I confront again the reality of his aging and Parkinson's. He's not yet 75 and in many respects both he and my mom are in good health. These last few years, though, he's been in a downward spiral. He had a knee replacement a couple of years ago and it took him an unusually long time to recover from that. Last year he began having occasional black-outs and recently that's caused him to fall three times. When we were at my parents' last month, the day before he'd fallen while standing in the kitchen and required stitches in his head. He called me last night and was telling me he'd fallen again, and also said he's having more trouble with his speech. And he is, no question; between slurring and stuttering it just...it was so hard not to weep as I listened to him.

 

Tears here.

Dear Colleen,

I know how you feel. Eleven years ago my father was being diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. I was carrying my first dd and they kept if from me until I gave birth in Jan of 98. In March of that same year soon after having his prostate removed, he was diagnosed with Pakinson's at the age of 57.

My father was a very active man. His dream was to retire onto his Morgon 34 sail boat. The sailboat was sold 7 years ago. That dream is now gone replaced with I would just like to be able to live and be part of life.

 

 

I think someone else mentioned this, too, but I'm not familiar with a surgery like this. Maybe I should look into that, but I know if my father's doctors don't specifically mention something, he won't consider it. He is of the old school wherein second opinions or even asking many questions of medical professionals just isn't done. That is whole 'nother issue, because he'll tell us, "My doctor said...." and if any of us ask for more info, he just responds, "Well, I don't know either, that's just what the doctor said."

 

My father did have a neurologist for many years. He started having trouble sleeping. He was getting up about 10 times a night. My parents explained this to the neurologist and my mom gave him her research. He got up and walked out of the room: never to return.

This happened at the begining of the year. Yesterday, they just went to their 4th neurologist. The treatment for Parkinson's is just as much art as it is science. My father is now considering the deep brain stimulation surgery. Not everyone is a candidate for it and it does not work for everyone who has it.

:grouphug:

[DB in NJ]

(((((Colleen))))) I am so very, very sorry. I'll be praying for you and your dad...

[Amy in Orlando]

:grouphug:

[ThelmaLou]

Colleen,

I know it doesn't help to hear it, but we're in the same boat. My dad has had Parkinson's for several years now, and it's pretty bad. His tremors are very noticeable even with the medication. His stiffness has progressed quickly and he can't keep his head up for any length of time. He has to wear a special foam collar. He is in constant pain because of the way his muscles have drawn up, and he has a lot of difficulty with excess saliva and swallowing. The list goes on, as you know. His stomach motility completely shut down 2 years ago. He couldn't take meds by mouth during that time, and his Parkinsons meds weren't available in IV form. We saw how rapidly he declined when he didn't have access to the medications. He was hospitalized for 9 weeks total, several of those being in ICU. I can't believe how he rebounded from that hospital stay. After several months of therapy, he was basically back to where he had been just before entering the hospital...but still on the downward spiral of Parkinsons.

 

I'll pray for you and your family when I pray for my dad. I share your struggle of watching someone you love so much who's really declining physically.