have you ever felt excluded by other homeschoolers?

[mama27]

 

 

 

Honestly, Bella bugged me till the last book. :laugh: She had zero sense of danger or self preservation.

 

I think it is sorta on topic though - some of the local homeschoolers I know - by no means all - get all freaky about which books their kids read, TV they watch, movies, etc and don't like to associate with people who don't censor as much as they do. The most challenging thing I've run across is that you aren't a good homeschooler if you don't use 'fill in the blank' curriculum because it isn't Bible based and things like that. I run into the same thing in the autism support community - if you don't do therapies x, y and z you aren't a good parent. I am a - if it works for you then great! - type person. I figure everyone has to make the best choices for their family and they may or may not fit my family.

 

I censor more for my youngest 4 kids than for my oldest 3 but that's because they were all adopted and were abused and they are way more immature (the boys) and every time something gross/weird/whatever happens it becomes the main focus of their LIVES till they get in trouble for it and even then my youngest little boy has NO filter at all on his mouth or brain! For example my 6 yo was sick and had an accident and they still go on and on and on about it even though 2 of the boys still wear pull ups at night. So, for my sanity, I do censor with them. lol

[Mom-ninja.]

A big fat yes! You see, I belong to the last demographic group in which it is perfectly acceptable (and many think admirable and necessary) to discriminate against. So, yeah. I'm excluded, shunned a lot by homeschoolers and by non-homeschoolers.

[pdalley]

I censor more for my youngest 4 kids than for my oldest 3 but that's because they were all adopted and were abused and they are way more immature (the boys) and every time something gross/weird/whatever happens it becomes the main focus of their LIVES till they get in trouble for it and even then my youngest little boy has NO filter at all on his mouth or brain! For example my 6 yo was sick and had an accident and they still go on and on and on about it even though 2 of the boys still wear pull ups at night. So, for my sanity, I do censor with them. lol

 

 

I might not censor as much with my own kids but if I knew a parent had an objection to a certain topic/movie/book then I would respect that if they/child was at my house. My boys know this too. One friend of mine can't stand Spongebob and doesn't let her kids watch. So if they come over then the boys understand no Spongebob and they don't talk about it around those kids either.

 

Everybody has to do what's best for their family/kids. I respect that and hope others respect my right to do the same. It just won't look the same for all of us. And I think that's where some exclusion comes in - some people aren't comfortable with the differences.

[Lizzie in Ma]

There are some in our Christian homeschool group who do not seem to know the definition of GRACE.

I never wanted to be our groups leader but now that I am, I have ditched a lot of what went before, the statement of faith for starters. How are we to witness if we are divisive?

I run the blog, the FB page and the Yahoo group and I allow anyone who wants to join to do so.

We don't hold meetings per se much anymore, mostly try to keep a community going to people can reach out, get together with others and help each other as needed.

I've grown very frustrated with our MassHope affiliation, I have not liked the way the conferences have gone of late.

Maybe I am in the wrong, but I don't think so. I think that we are called first and foremost to show Christ-like love, not circle the wagons against anyone who doesn't think exactly like I do.

It's all well and good to have a group of like-minded folks to nurture each other, but a support group should be willing and able to reach out beyond that, to aid, encourage and witness as we are able by example.

Just my .02

[mama27]

 

 

I might not censor as much with my own kids but if I knew a parent had an objection to a certain topic/movie/book then I would respect that if they/child was at my house. My boys know this too. One friend of mine can't stand Spongebob and doesn't let her kids watch. So if they come over then the boys understand no Spongebob and they don't talk about it around those kids either.

 

Everybody has to do what's best for their family/kids. I respect that and hope others respect my right to do the same. It just won't look the same for all of us. And I think that's where some exclusion comes in - some people aren't comfortable with the differences.

 

 

We do this too.

Btw, we LOVE SpongeBob! lol

[Tracy]

It's all well and good to have a group of like-minded folks to nurture each other, but a support group should be willing and able to reach out beyond that, to aid, encourage and witness as we are able by example.

Just my .02

:iagree: I wish more people thought like this!

[Walking-Iris]

There are some in our Christian homeschool group who do not seem to know the definition of GRACE.

I never wanted to be our groups leader but now that I am, I have ditched a lot of what went before, the statement of faith for starters. How are we to witness if we are divisive?

I run the blog, the FB page and the Yahoo group and I allow anyone who wants to join to do so.

We don't hold meetings per se much anymore, mostly try to keep a community going to people can reach out, get together with others and help each other as needed.

I've grown very frustrated with our MassHope affiliation, I have not liked the way the conferences have gone of late.

Maybe I am in the wrong, but I don't think so. I think that we are called first and foremost to show Christ-like love, not circle the wagons against anyone who doesn't think exactly like I do.

It's all well and good to have a group of like-minded folks to nurture each other, but a support group should be willing and able to reach out beyond that, to aid, encourage and witness as we are able by example.

Just my .02

 

 

This is the idea I have always held in my mind. Honestly I don't want to talk about religious anything in a homeschooling group. I understand and respect that it is a very big part of people's lives. I just don't see how the two are inseparably connected. I feel that there are so many varied and unique reasons for homeschooling that in a group situation it may be best to focus on education. Even among Christian home educators there are going to be varied beliefs and lifestyles. Even among "secular" homeschoolers there are going to be varied beliefs and lifestyles. It reminds me of something SWB said about conferences, that she was there to talk about grammar, writing etc not religion or politics.

 

Basically I'm confused by the circle the wagons mentality. I agree with you. It shows an amazing lack of grace. I wouldn't avoid or actively dislike someone who shared a different political view than I unless they were very inconsiderate to others about it. And then it would be the rudeness of the person that I would be avoiding and not the politics kwim?

 

About the sub topic about censoring media. I am one of those parents who are really picky about what tv, games, or books my children read. I think that's part of being a parent. Each family makes that call for themselves. I'm not comfortable with the Twilight or Hunger Games type books. I'm not even comfortable with The Wimpy Kids books. It just comes down to Walt Whitman for me--"there was a child went forth..and the first object he looked upon became part of him for the day...or for many years or stretching cycles of years..."

 

I'm conscious of the values and beauty of what my kids watch and read. As they pertain to my family and our particular beliefs and values. They do know about popular culture. They like Spongebob. But there are some elements of popular culture that we avoid. I do try to preview some of it. I've read a bit of those books and I form my own conclusion. Basically I feel that if I teach my children discernment about quality over junk early they will be able to make those analysis on their own when they are bigger. My children aren't anywhere old enough to read books like that to begin with however.

 

Having said that. I still wouldn't judge a family who do read those books etc. That's unimportant to me in the long run...what people choose to read. I will however likely find myself not encouraging playdates with a family that were heavy into things I personally find potentially dangerous. Certain video games or gun play etc. Especially if the family were unwilling to be considerate of a guest's different viewpoint. And especially if there were behaviors associated that I did not want my child picking up. If a child were to visit us and the family was very anti television, I would explain that to my child and it would be kept off during that visit. That's just manners imo.

 

But I wouldn't actively judge or shun the family I knew did play video games etc. Unless they were very argumentative or boisterous about it. Which cycles right back to the "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality that seems to cause others to exclude others. I'm a vegetarian and it's amazing to me how I have encountered so many meat eaters who automatically assume that I am judging them based on my diet even though I never say anything about it. Or if it's known I breastfeed then the formula feeding mom seems to start defending herself. I've had that experience irl. I've also had the experience of the ps teacher who felt insulted by my choice to homeschool.

 

I guess it is human nature to look at our differences rather than our similarities. It's pretty discouraging.

[ebrindam]

A big fat yes! You see, I belong to the last demographic group in which it is perfectly acceptable (and many think admirable and necessary) to discriminate against. So, yeah. I'm excluded, shunned a lot by homeschoolers and by non-homeschoolers.

 

*hugs* It is getting better, I think...but slowly.

[Nscribe]

I put "other". Homeschool groups have been no more or less exclusionary than collections of people around a similar interest or cause than any other arena I have played in throughout life. We might take it more personally, or more to heart, because it involves our kids, but people seem to gather and form groups based on maintaining shared values. I don't need 100% agreement with my convictions in all areas to share time and experiences with others. Some people do need it or at least try very hard to have it. Dd is learning that she doesn't belong everywhere with everyone at every moment. Homeschooling allows her to mature in that understanding unbound by walls, ages, buzzers/bells, instruction addressing the masses...

[m0mmaBuck]

Some real questions rolling around my brain lately.

 

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

Absolutely. Right now it seems that DD is too young for all of the group's field trips (8 and up), DS is too young for the teen group, and our current schedule takes away any flexibility in our schedule for other gatherings. Additionally, many of the more academically-oriented homeschoolers use Classical Conversations and that just doesn't fit in to our schedule or budget.

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

Sure. I'm Catholic but not Catholic enough for the Catholic HS group so I joined the non-denominational Christian one but of course being Catholic makes me not Christian enough.

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

I don't know that it's a religious issue so much as it is a scheduling issue.

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

I feel like they are a mix. Groups form around certain commonalities (i.e. religion, homeschooling style, ages of the children) and if you don't fit into that, then you don't fit. Additionally, many homeschoolers that I have met have been more introverted and my kids and I have rather large personalities that can sometimes be offputting.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

I definitely think there are divisions. You have those who HS for religious reasons or for academic reasons. You have unschoolers vs. school-at-homers. You have those who outsource and those who do everything themselves. There are young earthers and old earthers. Creationists and evolutionists. People tend to think that their way is the right way (which is why they choose it) so there is at least a chance that they disagree with those who are different.

 

Thoughts.

 

[beaners]

 

There is no doubt that when certain people say "Christian," they mean "Protestant." I remember talking about religion to a friend as a child, and I told her I was Catholic and asked her what she was. She responded "Christian." I was like, "Yeah, I figured, but what church? and she could not say. Of course, she was just innocently saying what she had been taught, but I have heard many, many people talk like this. And many do believe that you are not a true Christian if you are not protestant. Fortunately, I have found a wonderful eclectic group of friends who are members of all different churches, and it has really soothed me to see that not all people are like that.

 

Obviously you were there, and I wasn't, so you have more insight as to how the conversation went. I could see saying I was just plain Christian too as a child. The church I attended wasn't labeled with a specific denomination. It was just the church in that village.

 

I never thought Catholics weren't Christian. I've only heard the "Catholics aren't Christians" thing on the internet or implied in statements of faith in homeschooling groups. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

Yes

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

Yes, based on religion.

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

While it is no longer my area, when we were there it was difficult because of the differences in religion.

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

In the old area, no. They were a closed group. In the new area the group is more inclusive, but now I don't have time for them.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

Yes there are definitely divisions within the homeschooling community. Most of these divisions run along religious lines. If one is the wrong kind of Christian or not Christian at all one isn't freely accepted.

 

I find that kind of sad. I've never understood why it couldn't be the homeschooling that holds a group together. It has been done and done well on occasion, but mostly one must be the right kind of ___ to belong to any homeschool group.

[swellmomma]

 

For the My Little Pony thing.

 

My husband has told me that the Little Pony tv show has lots of fans who are teenage boys. Supposedly it is really well written and has a bit of a cult following.

 

Who would have guessed.

 

 

My teens have informed me that a teen or adult girl that like little ponies is actually a pegasister, which apparently my dd13 is. Hmm, I learn something new about my kids everyday.

[Parrothead]

I put "other". Homeschool groups have been no more or less exclusionary than collections of people around a similar interest or cause than any other arena I have played in throughout life. We might take it more personally, or more to heart, because it involves our kids, but people seem to gather and form groups based on maintaining shared values. I don't need 100% agreement with my convictions in all areas to share time and experiences with others. Some people do need it or at least try very hard to have it. Dd is learning that she doesn't belong everywhere with everyone at every moment. Homeschooling allows her to mature in that understanding unbound by walls, ages, buzzers/bells, instruction addressing the masses...

I think I have to disagree with the bolded. I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of people but the only place I've ever seen the meeting based on shared values is church or homeschooling. Not the book club, the ski club, the model airplane club, the French club, the astronomy club, the bridge club, the dinner club, etc. No other group I've ever been part of or had knowledge of met for any other reason than because of the shared activity.

 

In any of the clubs religion played a very small part in the group. Only in homeschooling circles have I seen this exclusion based on race, religion and sexual orientation. I find it disturbing and incredibly sad.

[North Coast School]

Fist, let me say that as a Christian, it makes my heart truly sad that so may of you have been rejected by "Chistian" groups for not signing a "statement of Faith," or having the same beliefs as everyone in the group. My understanding of Christianity is that God loves, forgives and redeems. I don't remember the part in the bible where Jesus demended a "SOF" from anyone.

 

But to the question at hand...No, I don't fit in all the time. I am an adoptive mom of a special needs kid, a Christian who supports same sex marriage and reproductive rights, a homeschooler who works outside the home, a homeschooler with one kid who is happily public schooling, and part of a rural family that lives in a multi-generational home. Each one of those statements makes me different from probably 95% of the people even in this on-line community. And, of course, probably judged by quite a few.

 

I couldn't care less. I am not in high school anymore. Why should I care what strangers think of me or my homeschool? Our co-op has lots of people that think I am a liberal loon. Who cares? I can still talk about curriculum with them, smile, and shake hands. Some days I feel like an ambassador from another planet, but I'm happy with me, happy with my kids, and firm in my convictions. And guess what? It's pretty hard to shun someone who is friendly and open with you. It's not like they're going to ask me out for dinner or anything, but for goodness sakes, what would we talk about, anyway.

 

Make friends you like to hang out with, and stick with them. Create the homeschool that is right for your kid, believe in it, and nurture it.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I think I have to disagree with the bolded. I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of people but the only place I've ever seen the meeting based on shared values is church or homeschooling. Not the book club, the ski club, the model airplane club, the French club, the astronomy club, the bridge club, the dinner club, etc. No other group I've ever been part of or had knowledge of met for any other reason than because of the shared activity.

 

In any of the clubs religion played a very small part in the group. Only in homeschooling circles have I seen this exclusion based on race, religion and sexual orientation. I find it disturbing and incredibly sad.

 

But for all of the other clubs you listed, the purpose of the club is but a small aspect of someone's life. For most homeschoolers, homeschool is an entire way of life. It is all encompassing. I see a huge distinction. I do wish HS groups were generally more accepting than they are as well. I am a personally conservative, societally liberal agnostic, so I certainly get the feeling of not fitting in, but I won't begrudge anyone wanting to form close ties with like-minded people, because what I wouldn't give to find more of "my people." :tongue_smilie:

[SunnyDays]

Yes. I'm a mainstream Protestant Christian, but in a place where most homeschoolers are evangelical Christians and hsing mainly for religious reasons... I don't fit in all that well. Once I joined a group, honestly signed the statement of faith, and thought it might work out. A leader contacted me to ask what church we attended. I said we weren't part of one right then and were searching. I was told that having a regular church was a requirement of their membership and I would need to let her know soon. And that many of the group members attended XYZ Church, and we should give it a try.

 

It came across very plainly that we immediately needed to not only join a church, but one they found acceptable. We didn't rejoin the HS group. :(

 

On the other hand... We seem to fit in we'll with the MLP fans, LOL... A "bronie" lives in my house, too!! :)

[Aspasia]

My experiences of feeling excluded have been less about religion and educational philosophy and more about lifestyle. I feel like a barbarian for feeding my kids goldfish crackers. We eat a lot of gluten and dairy. Oh, and we love sugar and baked treats. I always feel awkward at social gatherings where we are asked to contribute snacks or treats, because I bring things we actually eat. I definitely feel judged/excluded by certain types of homeschoolers in those situations.

 

We're fortunate to live in a very diverse area (metro DC), and we have access to a number of very inclusive homeschooling groups where it's bad form to talk religion. I'm an agnostic Mormon (it's complicated :)), but I'm good friends with atheists and conservative Christians and everything in between.

[Parrothead]

 

 

But for all of the other clubs you listed, the purpose of the club is but a small aspect of someone's life. For most homeschoolers, homeschool is an entire way of life. It is all encompassing. I see a huge distinction. I do wish HS groups were generally more accepting than they are as well. I am a personally conservative, societally liberal agnostic, so I certainly get the feeling of not fitting in, but I won't begrudge anyone wanting to form close ties with like-minded people, because what I wouldn't give to find more of "my people." :tongue_smilie:

 

Then you've never met the people in my dad's diving club. They eat, breath, and sleep diving. I think it is the same with anyone's passion. Some religious homeschoolers seem to not be able to do anything but eat, breath and sleep religion and homeschooling. And that is where those of us who identify with homeschooling before religion get into trouble fitting in.

 

Personally, I have several hits against me. We homeschool first and foremost because of academic reasons. But unlike you I'd rather the opportunity for more diversity in my life. Perhaps it is a bit of the grass being greener.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Then you've never met the people in my dad's diving club. They eat, breath, and sleep diving. I think it is the same with anyone's passion. Some religious homeschoolers seem to not be able to do anything but eat, breath and sleep religion and homeschooling. And that is where those of us who identify with homeschooling before religion get into trouble fitting in.

 

Personally, I have several hits against me. We homeschool first and foremost because of academic reasons. But unlike you I'd rather the opportunity for more diversity in my life. Perhaps it is a bit of the grass being greener.

 

I enjoy diversity in my life. I know and enjoy the company of those from many different walks of life. If there is one thing I am not, it's narrow-minded. I've got diversity comin' out the wazoo. Yadda, yadda, yadda and blah, blah, blah... I was simply saying that it would be nice to also find a person or two with whom I have a great deal in common. :)

[Parrothead]

 

 

I enjoy diversity in my life. I know and enjoy the company of those from many different walks of life. If there is one thing I am not, it's narrow-minded. I've got diversity comin' out the wazoo. Yadda, yadda, yadda and blah, blah, blah... I was simply saying that it would be nice to also find a person or two with whom I have a great deal in common. :)

 

 

Yes. Sorry if I made it sound otherwise. I was just getting at you having a lot of diversity while I have a great lack of it.

[hsmom2011]

n/m

[BigMamaBird]

Yeah, I've felt excluded at times. When we joined our Co-op, it took me a few years to feel like part of the group. It had been running for a while and people had formed fast friendships and I had to find where I fit in. I have to make a decided effort to put myself out here and approach people.

[sbgrace]

In our old area I had a homeschooler, who I considered a close friend at one time, explain to me that our homeschool group had two groups. They were the conservative, Godly folk and the not so conservative. Given she had already had a breakfast talk with me about wearing pants and my husband listening to Christian rock music I knew which group I landed in.

 

Yes, I've felt excluded!

 

 

Generally I feel a little awkward about my son's food allergies. I thnk that's my own paranoia, or at least I hope it is! I don't expect anyone to cater to him or concern themselves with him but I worry it makes people uncomfortable that he is anaphylactic and doesn't eat at events. That goes beyond homeschoolers though.

[NASDAQ]

Okay everyone, I'm sharing a post from our local list:

 

"Hi - We are a professional / artistic European family looking to connect with small families with children of around the same age. Primarily we want to offer friendship, playtime, arts, free thinking, outings, and overall homelearning validation and support. And of course in exchange - we hope to receive the same :)

We are in CITY and are quite mobile. We do not play with superheroes, we don't have a TV and we eat healthy. Please contact off list - thank you

 

I was very tempted to reply that we are a family of nineteen superheroes, subsisting entirely on rainbow sprinkles and cereal we saw advertised on TV.

 

My local community is very strongly unschooling. I don't go to home schooling events because they aren't relevant to us -- we don't go to the park at ten a.m., for example, because we're doing schoolwork then -- and because we really don't have anything in common with most unschoolers. Add to that that we subscribe to a highly specific minority religious persuasion, and it just isn't going to work out.

[kitten18]

Okay everyone, I'm sharing a post from our local list:

 

"Hi - We are a professional / artistic European family looking to connect with small families with children of around the same age. Primarily we want to offer friendship, playtime, arts, free thinking, outings, and overall homelearning validation and support. And of course in exchange - we hope to receive the same :)

We are in CITY and are quite mobile. We do not play with superheroes, we don't have a TV and we eat healthy. Please contact off list - thank you

 

I was very tempted to reply that we are a family of nineteen superheroes, subsisting entirely on rainbow sprinkles and cereal we saw advertised on TV.

 

My local community is very strongly unschooling. I don't go to home schooling events because they aren't relevant to us -- we don't go to the park at ten a.m., for example, because we're doing schoolwork then -- and because we really don't have anything in common with most unschoolers. Add to that that we subscribe to a highly specific minority religious persuasion, and it just isn't going to work out.

Well, that was quite...specific. :blink:

[Dory]

I knew that I wouldn't fit in long before I started homeschooling. People like to hear my thoughts on things once in awhile, but overall they try and stay fairly far away. I am not Christian enough for a lot of the Christian groups, regardless of what denomination, and yet I'm too Christian for most secular groups. My PTSD tends to make me tense in large social settings which also puts people off. I had gotten used to it (most the time) but my kids are starting to feel it now. I've had to work pretty hard to try and find other kids that they can visit with sometimes. Just last week I was chewed out and called a heretic because I spoke too quickly and asked a question about something. It was an honest question but I should know better.

I've learned over the years that being different is bad. A wise person fakes it as much as possible and hides if he/she is unable to fake it.

I saw and felt a lot of the same growing up as a homeschooler. Feeling like an outsider isn't fun, but for people like me it's inevitable, especially if you are in a small 'Christian' community.

[Pod's mum]

A big fat yes! You see, I belong to the last demographic group in which it is perfectly acceptable (and many think admirable and necessary) to discriminate against.

 

You don't mean that (SHOCK!!), you send your kids to SCHOOL??!!

 

All else is fine. :)

[kirstenhill]

My experiences of feeling excluded have been less about religion and educational philosophy and more about lifestyle. I feel like a barbarian for feeding my kids goldfish crackers. We eat a lot of gluten and dairy. Oh, and we love sugar and baked treats. I always feel awkward at social gatherings where we are asked to contribute snacks or treats, because I bring things we actually eat. I definitely feel judged/excluded by certain types of homeschoolers in those situations.

 

 

LOL...I thought I was the only one who has had experiences like that. I think I was the cause of a whole group policy change regarding shared snacks/treats in a group I formerly belonged to because I *gasp* wanted to bring a birthday cake made with store bought cake mix and frosting. (And no allergies in the group...just a lot of strong lifestyle preferences).

 

I knew I had found the right group when at the mom's meeting to kick off the year a tray of bakery treats was served and it was announced the moms each get a candy bar as a birthday gift from the co-op. :-)

[CatholicMom]

Okay everyone, I'm sharing a post from our local list:

 

"Hi - We are a professional / artistic European family looking to connect with small families with children of around the same age. Primarily we want to offer friendship, playtime, arts, free thinking, outings, and overall homelearning validation and support. And of course in exchange - we hope to receive the same :)

We are in CITY and are quite mobile. We do not play with superheroes, we don't have a TV and we eat healthy. Please contact off list - thank you

 

I was very tempted to reply that we are a family of nineteen superheroes, subsisting entirely on rainbow sprinkles and cereal we saw advertised on TV.

 

 

Bahahaha

[stripe]

My experiences of feeling excluded have been less about religion and educational philosophy and more about lifestyle. I feel like a barbarian for feeding my kids goldfish crackers. We eat a lot of gluten and dairy. Oh, and we love sugar and baked treats. I always feel awkward at social gatherings where we are asked to contribute snacks or treats, because I bring things we actually eat. I definitely feel judged/excluded by certain types of homeschoolers in those situations.

 

Hugs to you from someone who was made fun of on this board for giving my children the occasional juice box. Among people I know in real life, I am some kind of a health nut because mine don't drink soda or eat candy all the time. Online, I am a freak because I'm not distilling my own rain water and juicing alfalfa sprouts for my kids. I saw this before in breastfeeding and baby-wearing groups.

 

I bake. I consider it healthy because I made it with real food. And I am not about to go low-carb.

[EMS83]

My disclaimer is that I've been at this for a year. So it might happen over the course of the next 16. ;)

[ElaineJ]

I do not homeschool "for religious reasons" but my Christian faith permeates every aspect of my life. So I generally don't prefer to use Christian materials unless they have some separate educational superiority.

 

This is me, too. I think the combination of the two makes it hard to fit seamlessly into most homeschooling groups.

Elaine

[shanvan]

I would much rather there be a conduct contract.

 

You will not let your kid climb the dino at the museum and then laugh while he rides the head.

 

You will not ignore your child throwing french fries at the other children while you nom another brownie.

 

You will not let your child bully any of the other children, in a physical or emotional way.

 

You agree to NOT form cliques against other moms who are schooling in a way you disagree with...

 

 

 

THAT kind of stuff is what is needed.

 

 

:iagree: Sounds like we visited the same group!

 

Isn't a boy PUNCHING another boy in the stomach and causing him to double over in pain an acceptable way to play?

 

And isn't it sweet when all the boys gang up on the new kid in the bathrooms and haze him? Shows what a tight bond they've formed and gives the new kid some good struggles that he might not have otherwise.

 

And the moms who are jabbering on loudly behind the kids (the ones who are actually staying where they are supposed to and not running off to grab things and wave them around) listening to the guide on a field trip setting a wonderful example of respect and common courtesy?

 

I was happy to feel excluded. We weren't looking to treat the above behaviors as normal.

[stripe]

Okay everyone, I'm sharing a post from our local list:

 

"Hi - We are a professional / artistic European family looking to connect with small families with children of around the same age. Primarily we want to offer friendship, playtime, arts, free thinking, outings, and overall homelearning validation and support. And of course in exchange - we hope to receive the same :)

We are in CITY and are quite mobile. We do not play with superheroes, we don't have a TV and we eat healthy. Please contact off list - thank you

 

I was very tempted to reply that we are a family of nineteen superheroes, subsisting entirely on rainbow sprinkles and cereal we saw advertised on TV.

 

My local community is very strongly unschooling. I don't go to home schooling events because they aren't relevant to us -- we don't go to the park at ten a.m., for example, because we're doing schoolwork then -- and because we really don't have anything in common with most unschoolers. Add to that that we subscribe to a highly specific minority religious persuasion, and it just isn't going to work out.

 

Or to suggest they brush up on their adverbs (say "eat healthily") and question their qualifications for homeschooling with such a tenuous grasp of grammar?

 

(ETA: This was a joke. I am not making fun of non-native speakers. I am poking fun at the superior tone.)

 

I think it would be highly entertaining to have a day out with you. I don't think we have much in common -- and I think that would be what would make it fun!

Edited February 20, 2013 by stripe

[terrih]

Absolutely! Our family moved a couple years ago from upstate Ny to rural OH. There is a HUGE homeschooling population here, however, they all know each other and as the new mom in town, it has been SO hard to break into the clique. They are nice and will say hi, but that is about all. My kids go to the gym class and outings, but never get invited to playdates or b-day parties and any invites I extend get denied always due to their other committments. Oh and almost all of them use Abeka, and since I do not I am always getting told how wonderful it is and that it is so much better than what I am using. Thankfully we are relocating next month to SC. So we will see how that goes:)

[Laura Corin]

Or to suggest they brush up on their adverbs (say "eat healthily") and question their qualifications for homeschooling with such a tenuous grasp of grammar?

 

 

They might not be native English speakers. They say that they are European. I've spent years functioning in other languages and have developed a lot of charity towards foreigners who make mistakes. We don't know that they are home educating in English.

 

Laura

[stripe]

They might not be native English speakers. They say that they are European. I've spent years functioning in other languages and have developed a lot of charity towards foreigners who make mistakes. We don't know that they are home educating in English.

 

Laura

Goodness, that didn't come out right, then. I wasn't suggesting making fun of non-native English speakers' innocent mistakes, nor do I really believe anyone who says "eat healthy" is an idiot. I thought I was obvious in my suggestion that this was over the top (that someone who says "eat healthy" is unqualified for homeschooling). It was more a reaction to their choice of words/tone in their description of their lifestyle, such as "we do not play with superheroes." Yikes.

[Freckles]

I haven't had the chance to read all of the posts yet, but I voted other. I usually feel excluded by most people. Homeschooling moms, and B&M moms. I sometimes believe I really do have cooties. On a side note, the most accepted I've felt in the last two years has been with the ladies from our local LDS Ward. I'm not even LDS.

[Nscribe]

I think I have to disagree with the bolded. I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of people but the only place I've ever seen the meeting based on shared values is church or homeschooling. Not the book club, the ski club, the model airplane club, the French club, the astronomy club, the bridge club, the dinner club, etc. No other group I've ever been part of or had knowledge of met for any other reason than because of the shared activity.

 

In any of the clubs religion played a very small part in the group. Only in homeschooling circles have I seen this exclusion based on race, religion and sexual orientation. I find it disturbing and incredibly sad.

 

 

"I put "other". Homeschool groups have been no more or less exclusionary than collections of people around a similar interest or cause than any other arena I have played in throughout life. We might take it more personally, or more to heart, because it involves our kids, but people seem to gather and form groups based on maintaining shared values. I don't need 100% agreement with my convictions in all areas to share time and experiences with others."

 

...To elaborate. I do not equate "religion" to "faith" or either to "values" and then I even further distinguish having values from valuing some ideas or practices more than others.

 

Athletes may or may not belong to the FCA. Soriorities/Fraternities/Civic Organizations/Service Organizations often have religious affliliations (some stated, some traditional). Scout troops/4H groups often form around shared interests but may well have a particular culture. Public Schools are often dotted with prayer groups, service orgs.....it really is not limited to homeschool.

 

Can you really say book clubs don't operate around shared values? I have belonged to many and while some make it a mission of sorts to explore diversities, others really don't.

 

You left age out of your lists of factors that are exclusionary at times. I have seen exclusionary tendancies in bridge clubs, chess, mah jhong and so forth.

 

Some exclusion is subtle, some is very direct.

 

I am just not sure it is reasonable to expect "homeschool" to be a panacea on these issues or to suggest that it alone houses exclusionary traits or practices.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I don't really feel connected to my "homeschool group"....but for other totally different reasons-we care for my husband's dad-he has dementia and other issues and it's gotten to where we can't leave him alone for more than a few mins. So during the times my husband works "day shifts",I'm kinda stuck at home-that means most field trips,most gatherings that are during morning-to late afternoon hours we can't attend.....

[heritagelearningacademy]

Well, this might just get me shunned here.....but....lol....just kidding.

 

We came to homeschooling when my oldest was in 4th grade, middle in Kindergarten, and a toddler. The state we were living in was low in terms of education and while we had great teachers in our classrooms at the public school, they only had so much time. In fact, when I told the teachers we would be homeschooling in the spring, they were incredibly supportive and some of my advocates at that time. We were led to homeschooling for academic reasons. However, our reasons and choices to continue to homeschool have grown beyond mere academics into character and faith development.

 

Here is what I have learned in life....not all women play nicely together. It is that simple. Through MOPS, the PTO at the public school, through Bible Studies, through local playgroups, and through homeschooling women's support groups--Christian and non-Christian, I have experienced judgment, seen insecurities in others who are very busy comparing children, have fallen into that trap myself, and have been welcomed, and have been made to clearly see my views don't gel with everyone's. I have been in groups where I am not thin enough, engaged in fine arts enough, submissive and quiet enough, etc.

 

I have learned to embrace my own faults and know that I am a work in progress. I am a very social person raising very social children so we do need an outlet. I lead a Christian co-op for elementary kids. Since I am leading, I don't really worry about if I am fitting in. I know I am realistically not liked by everyone, but that's okay. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends who do happen to homeschool, some who do not but live on the soccer fields with me, and some from my church. And, these friends love me faults and all. Or maybe I should say in spite of my faults. LOL My children have friendships that cross all of these differences too.

 

While I don't worry about fitting in, I do try to consciously welcome and encourage others. And, I work hard not to be seen as in a clique. That's the lesson I want for my children....grace and love to others, not judgment.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Yes, for everything from religion, to politics, to curriculum choices, to educational goals.

 

I try not to stress about it and it bugs me less now than it did when we started.

 

I do wish that in some circumstances folks could view homeschooling as the overriding commonality between themselves rather than some other attribute.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think it is normal for people who see that they share a bunch of interests to assume they share others. I had the very sweet lady who runs the library sale we have volunteered at for a couple years ask on the day of a primary election if "we" had anything to vote on, assuming that we were the same party.

I've seen political emails from all parts of the spectrum assuming that everyone in the group supported the same candidates and causes and rallies. I don't think one side or the other has a monopoly on being presumptive or clueless.

 

Ok do need to keep in mind that different people have different goals for their groups. If the goals of the group don't align with my joining then it may not be a good fit for me. But sometimes it is worth asking if xyz in the group bypass really mean such and such or not. If they really don't want my kind fine. But maybe they will do some editing and say oh please do join us. I was part of an inclusive group that changed their membership requirements after I pointed out what I saw as a judgemental flaw in their membership restrictions. I'm currently on a local email list called area x unschooled a that explains they aren't really just for Unschoolers but cannot change the name on Yahoo Groups.

 

What I don't think is fair is to tell another group that has formed for some goal that they ought to reformat their goal to include people with other goals even if they think it interferes with the intention of the group. I can ask but they have the right to say no.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

:ph34r: My church is full of people, but so is the world..... who are shocked at us having 8 children now! Add to that : YOU home school?!!

It is tough to take the ridicule.

[Hedgehogs4]

I have not felt excluded by anyone in our huge homeschooling community, even though I felt I was being exclusive by not wanting to join some that wanted me to. I have good friends on both sides of the hs-ing philosophy and religion spectrum. I, too, would be too liberal for many Christians and too conservative for most liberals. I try to just be myself.

 

I think a lot of not feeling excluded comes with maturity, if you are speaking about it personally, but where kids are involved, I imagine it would be very, very difficult emotionally to have a child who does not fit a social norm, causing rejection. That kind of rejection breaks a mom's heart. My heart goes out to those moms. I try to help my children understand kids who do not adjust well or are socially awkward and not to exclude them.

 

That said, I also try not to lay an excessive burden upon them to the point that it would drain them emotionally. I want my kids to have boundaries, but also to have empathy and compassion so that they can deal with everyone in a healthy way. But isn't this the glory of homeschooling? I can put my children in situations where they will be put to the test and learn how to be kind and compassionate with those who need it, and guide them gently out of a situation when their childish emotions and coping mechanisms are tapped out.

[Once]

Yes. The local group here split up about four yrs ago due to religious beliefs (Catholic vs Prod). Unfortunately, I was at ground zero and eventually walked away from my church and many superficial friendships. I think homeschooling is becoming so diverse that I expect division now. Some people cannot help themselves. I like getting to know a variety of people but once I know someone is hateful exclusionary or hypocritical I generally stay far away.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

Oh ds14 would love a Halo shirt, he wears his modern warfare shirt all the time. As far as video games go I think our boys would get along, ds rarely finds homeschooled kids who are even allowed to have a tv in the house let alone be allowed to play video games.

 

 

DS 15 has 2 Halo Shirts :)

 

Last night at Church a 4 yr. old little boy saw me getting a dvd out of the cabinet in the nursery and he told me that they had lots of games at home. I asked him what his favorite game was and he replied: "Halo"

 

There is a picture of a group of boys playing Halo in our home school yearbook ( a few years ago)

 

And about 3 years ago, our Youth Group had a Halo party and they all brought their Xbox and remote.

 

I may not agree with all of it's content, but honestly my son is obsessed with it and has to earn his time playing and do alot of garden and yard work half the year. He also cooks alot of meals for (10) now, and he likes to read. I have to push him in Math and writing. Latin is also a chore. Halo is my trump card so to speak.

 

Mario Party 8 is our girls fave! Honestly board games just don't make it long in this house. We play card games and have to hide the cards. I want the Settlers of Catan game to try out. But I am afraid it won't last either. I usually buy used games or get them on sale.

And we have played all of the Professor Layton games together taking turns solving puzzles :)

[mommylawyer]

I've felt a little odd in my homeschooling group because we are the only Catholic family, but not really left out. I make it a point to mention our Catholicism from time to time (I almost feel as though I have to, I suppose).

 

I haven't yet mentioned to my group that I teach Old World Creationism and evolution and dinosaurs (not the ones that lived when Adam and Eve did -ha, ha). I'm waiting for that conversation to happen.

[AimeeM]

Hugs to you from someone who was made fun of on this board for giving my children the occasional juice box. Among people I know in real life, I am some kind of a health nut because mine don't drink soda or eat candy all the time. Online, I am a freak because I'm not distilling my own rain water and juicing alfalfa sprouts for my kids. I saw this before in breastfeeding and baby-wearing groups.

 

I bake. I consider it healthy because I made it with real food. And I am not about to go low-carb.

Hmm.

I give my children juice boxes daily. We eat homemade brownies like they're going out of style (or like the world will run out of cocoa powder, rather) and I do allow soda.

Phew. Felt good to get that off my chest.