********* Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 It's just too much. Dad threw up again last night, and they wanted to discharge him anyway. They don't know why he has intermittent vomiting. Dad has been confused a lot during this hospital stay. I found out from my mom tonight that dad's not actually taking anything for his diabetes. He needs a more permanent catheter for his dialysis, but he doesn't want to get it. They're discharging him tomorrow with no explanation as to why he's confused or vomiting. He's going to be home alone all day while mom's at work. And from what mom sounded like on the phone tonight, she's pretty much checked out of the situation. I'm a mess. I don't know how to help my dad anymore, and I'm just a freaking mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Bethany, talk to a social worker or patient advocate at the hospital. It may be that it is his time but they can do so much to make it an easier passing for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I second the patient advocate. If the hospital knows they are sending him to an empty house, that should change things. At minimum, if they discharge him, a nurse needs to come home with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 (((hugs))) Hospice? Can he come with you? I wish I could help, I wish we all could help. I'm going to take a bat to your mother. Just one swing, I swear. Get mad with the Dr. Tell them he can't come home and that he needs a nursing home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I have no advice and have not BTDT with this situation, but my heart is breaking for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: No advice, really, but to suggest hospice care. I am so sorry to hear of the continued confusion and pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Sending you a big hug. My heart cries for you every time I read one of your posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Darinski Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I agree with the previous posters about a patient advocate! They are not treating him in any way for Diabetes?? Really?? Have they explained why? They would be willing to release him when he is confused and vomiting??? Really??? At the risk of repeating myself - why??? He will be sent home with no one to care for him? Are these not sufficient enough reasons to keep him where he is or, at least, transfered to hospice or a nursing home? I can sympathize how very hard this is for you and I am so sorry you are going through this. I really, truly am. I went through a somewhat similar situation with my late mother. It wasn't easy, but I had to be her advocate. I know this is very hard, but I suggest you do what you can to see that he gets the appropriate help and gets to a stable place. If you see it through, you will have no regrets. And, eventually, you will breathe easy again. Do you have a good IRL support network? Family? Friends? Church members that will hold you up in prayer and meet your practical needs? I wish I could do more, but I will continue to pray for you from here. As others have said, keep venting here - you need the outlet. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 (((hugs))) Hospice? Can he come with you? I wish I could help, I wish we all could help. I'm going to take a bat to your mother. Just one swing, I swear. Get mad with the Dr. Tell them he can't come home and that he needs a nursing home? Has Hospice even been discussed as an option with the family though? I agree that hospice care is great (I'm a volunteer), but it might not be what he needs just yet. Can your mother afford a companion type person to come in a care for him during the day? My sis did something like this for a while. She would go into the family's house to watch their mother. She did light chores (tidying, laundry), fixed this lady lunch, and just basically visited with her for about 3-4 hours. It was a set of eyes there just in case something happened while the family was away working. We have something similar for my mom now too. Call social services and patient advocates and see what might be available through the state. I'm sorry your mom has checked out. She's probably exhausted & overwhelmed herself....and older people do not deal with stress as well as they did when they were younger. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Talk to the doctor and hospital about getting him into a local rehabilitation care facility. He can be transferred straight from there to the hospital and stay until he gains strength to go home. He isn't well enough to go home, especially since doesn't have anyone who will be taking care of him. Otherwise, you'll need to arrange for home health care. This is what my dad with my mom. She was in rehab for a couple weeks and then they had nurses coming to the house almost daily until she was better. They also assigned a social worker to my dad because he was so stressed out. This may be needed for your mom if she is so stressed she's incapable of making decisions. I don't think it's time for hospice unless he is terminal and there is absolutely no hope. I'm sorry but it sounds like its going to be on your shoulders to make sure he gets the proper care since your mom is not taking responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamolina Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I wanted to also suggest home health care. It will be covered under Medicare as long as he is homebound. It can include a nurse, PT, OT, and ST if needed. But that is just a few visits a week and doesn't provide someone to stay with him all day long. A skilled nursing facility may also be an option. You sound like an amazing daughter and I am sorry you are having to deal with all this but I am sure your Dad appreciates you even if he can't tell you right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 It may be you're in a different state, but patients are seldom released as you describe, especially with disorientation, without someone at home (not at work) as a caregiver. Can you talk to the Doc? I know you've posted a lot about your situation, but I am not current on the facts. I would push hard on the hospital staff, requesting a social worker to review your case etc. The hospital is responsible for ensuring your father takes his meds. That his diabetes meds are not being administered is not OK. I'd be putting on my big Bit-- boots on and start asking questions that you want answered. Who has medical decision making power on behalf of you father? You or your mother? Who ever has the power, that person needs to advocate for your father's care. Caring for ones elderly parents is not easy. I am going through a similar situation with my mother. Fortunatly, my mother is cooperative, and so far her care is good. I did the same for my father before he passed away. If anything I learned was to be demanding and persistent. In the end you might find that a convalecent center might be a better fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I was dealing similar circumstances last year, with my mom-living with dementia, and dad acting as caretaker and dealing with severe depression. I completely agree with everything in PrincessMommy's post. We made it through, somehow, but it took a mental health stay in the hospital for my dad, unfortunately :(. Has your mom seen a doctor? In March of last year, mom fell and broke her hip and went directly from the hospital to an excellent nursing home. This was thanks to our family doctor advocating for my parents. I do think it is very important to find an advocate in *someone*. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Wish there was more I could do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Sounds like a patient advocate is the place to start. So sorry :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Go visit him when he's home alone. He'll be sick enough to call 911 and they'll readmit him. Your mother can't keep saying she's taking care of him when she's not. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm so sorry. Others have given you good advice and I have nothing to add. Just sending you hugs and wishing strength for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The diabetes thing is a huge red flag. Really? I can't believe they would release a diabetic without blood sugars under control? That alone could cause confusion. I'm sorry Bethany. I hope you can get some answers and some peace. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I was going to suggest a patient advocate as well. Also, consider seeing someone yourself and maying taking medication short-term. I know people have different feelings about doing so, but it can help you to be functional during a very stressful time. You might talk to the hospice people about counselling for you even if you don't want medication. They have been with a lot of people through some very rough times and will understand what you are feeling. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: Call the patient advocate. Ask them to put in writing that they are discharging your father despite him not getting treatment for his diabetes and his uncontrolled vomitting and disorientation. Explain that he has no one to help him at home - no matter what your mother may have told them. One of the most frustrating things about Mom's cancer was everyone passing the buck to someone else with medication side effects. The patient advocate will listen. She was one of the few people I could count on while Mom was sick. I'm praying for you. It is so hard to feel so helpless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 No advice but I would like to add a :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Oh Bethany........I don't have anything new to add. You've gotten good advice. Please take care of yourself and let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice but I just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you and your dad. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Most (all?) hospitals also assign a case manager to each patient who is responsible for making the discharge arrangements. You need to speak with that person without your mother present so that they understand that your father will not have anyone home with him during the day and also that based on your interactions with him he is not fully oriented at all times. Make sure they put your concerns in writing in his file which will ensure that anyone looking over his notes sees them. It is probably also worth explaining to the case manager that your mother is not handling things well and is having trouble properly evaluating the situation and accepting his condition. Then give them your contact information and ask that you be kept in the loop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: prayers :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Others have given you good advice. I just want to add my :grouphug: :grouphug: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The others have posted good advice. I am praying for your father, and praying for you to have the strength you need to walk this road with him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: Wish I was local so I could offer some support... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Yes, you need the patient advocate or a hospital social worker to intervene. I went through a similar thing with my father four years ago, but I was halfway across the country without the power to make decisions. Discharging him to the care of my mother was *NOT* the right thing to do. So I was calling and faxing everyone begging for help there. In that case the right choice was to put him into a local nursing home, and I demanded that from anyone who would listen until it happened. He had wonderful care there, and I have no regrets about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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