I.Dup. Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 your 8yo boy pulled his p*nis OUTSIDE OF HIS PANTS AND F0NDLED IT absentmindedly? It's something he does without thinking. We have disciplined him for it (not sure that is the right tactic, but dang) and it makes no difference because he does it without thinking. I am so glad this child is not in school. Good grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 What kind of pants does he wear and can you make it more difficult to get said item out of his pants? Belts, zipper, snaps....anything? I would make it as complicated as possible. I am no expert, but it seems if he has to work at retrieving it, it may be less absentminded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 yeah, ugh. He is very skinny so his pants hang down and he just whips it right out. This is so discouraging, anyone looking at him can FULLY see it. We'd have to put his pants up around his belly button or above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 How about overalls put on backwards? It would look goofy, but well ....................... it may slow him down at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I had a girl do this to herself. I made her wash her hands every time she was caught, and it was such a pain she finally quit. It was absentminded for her too, I just had to make it obvious to her how many time she did this and make it a pain to continue. I would also try to upgrade difficulty factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I agree abt the belt to make access more difficult. What about making him stop, then wash his hands? Or send him to his room...that's kind of a private time thing, son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Snaps on his shirts and pants so that they are connected or the overall idea. The idea isn't to make it punishment. It is to make a habit inaccessible so that it stops becoming a habit. P.S. - I would check to make sure that he doesn't have a yeast problem that might make things itchy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Um, couldn't you just explain to the kid that this is something you do in private? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'd sit him down and explain to him that his penis is private, and that people may feel uncomfortable seeing his. I'd explain that yes, it does feel good and that's okay, but that good-feeling is a private feeling and he needs to only do it in private in his bedroom with the door closed. If he continues to do this in non-compliance with th aforementioned rules then I would agree with the hand washing as a reminder suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Um, couldn't you just explain to the kid that this is something you do in private? Presumably she has? I hope! When mine were younger and used to do this, I used to send them to their rooms to be in private. They could walk right back down if they wanted. I meant it more as a reminder than anything. It's absentminded, so I didn't want anything too putative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susancollins Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 My son use to do this all the time but he would just sticks his hands down his pants. I make him wash his hands and I told him that is something he should do in private. He has stopped doing it for the most part. I may catch him once a month doing it. I would try to make it less accessible put a belt on him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Squirt gun? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 your 8yo boy pulled his p*nis OUTSIDE OF HIS PANTS AND F0NDLED IT absentmindedly? It's something he does without thinking. We have disciplined him for it (not sure that is the right tactic, but dang) and it makes no difference because he does it without thinking. I am so glad this child is not in school. Good grief. Tell him to put it away and wash his hands. Then give a reminder that if he wants to play with himself it needs to be in a private location where others can't see him. Wash, rinse, repeat as many times as it takes to have it sink in. I think of it the same as teaching a preschooler to not pick your nose, constant reminders to use a tissue and having to stop everything to go wash hands. Since this is an absent minded thing having something else handy to fidget with would likely help too. I would not punish for it at all, he is not intentionally doing wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Snaps on his shirts and pants so that they are connected or the overall idea. The idea isn't to make it punishment. It is to make a habit inaccessible so that it stops becoming a habit. P.S. - I would check to make sure that he doesn't have a yeast problem that might make things itchy. I could see doing that if this was a child under the age of 4, but no 8 year old boy want to be in basically a onsie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 does he have a bladder infection? yeast overgrowth? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Just send him to the bathroom or bedroom EVERYTIME. We do this for anything that might not be deemed socially appropriate. Farting, belching you name it. that way there is not a shame factor, but the message is clear. It is my opinion that 8 is way too old to do this even absentmindedly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 When you stop him, give him something else to do. It feels good, so help him replace it with something else that feels good that is socially appropriate. Something to chew on? Some sort of squishy toy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 We have ABSOLUTELY told him it is not appropriate to do in front of others! Over and over and over again and finally we resorted to disciplining, it makes dh really upset. I know that's not good, but this kid is just so absentminded so much of the time. From now on I will definitely send him to wash his hands each time. I really hope that will help. This child is so hard for me to figure out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Besides making sure there is no infection, etc. could you give him something ELSE to figit with and keep his hands busy elsewhere? A squishy ball, some silly putty, other textured object. You mention he is very absentminded. Does this affect him in other areas or just this one? If it affects more of his life it might be worth checking out to see if it is an ADD thing or a sensory integration thing or ???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'll probably get flamed for this, but in order to make thing less accessible what about a leotard under his clothes. No one but you and he would have to know he has it on. They say it takes six weeks to break a habit. Now, during winter, may be ideal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm about at the point where I would try a leotard. Yes, his absentmindedness absolutely affects his life. We have had him evaluated and he is not on "the spectrum" but he does have problems with sensory integration. We have been working on it for years. A ball or squishy toy might work, but because of his absentmindedness I worry that it would always just get lost, or the babies would end up with it. Usually this is while he is concentrating on something, like a game, waiting for his turn, etc. I do not think it is due to infection, he has never complained of any pain and it doesn't seem like he is itching or uncomfortable. Just fiddling around with it hanging out for everyone to see. :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 My aspie was a little younger than your son when we went through this, definitely sensory for him. We let him try carrying different things around in his pocket that he could pull out and play with (kind of the same action as the offending) He ended up picking a toy spatula that his sisters had in their toy kitchen. He carried it in his pocket for YEARS. Then one day it disappeared. It took him a while, but he has replaced it with a specific combination of mega blocks that he keeps in his pocket. Completely stopped grabbing himself after an adjustment period. Anytime we saw him pulling at it, we reminded him of his blocks. He created a new brain pattern Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 double post, sorry . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 My aspie was a little younger than your son when we went through this, definitely sensory for him. We let him try carrying different things around in his pocket that he could pull out and play with (kind of the same action as the offending) He ended up picking a toy spatula that his sisters had in their toy kitchen. He carried it in his pocket for YEARS. Then one day it disappeared. It took him a while, but he has replaced it with a specific combination of mega blocks that he keeps in his pocket. Completely stopped grabbing himself after an adjustment period. Anytime we saw him pulling at it, we reminded him of his blocks. He created a new brain pattern Okay, so you had him carry it in his pocket and reminded him it was there when you noticed him pulling on himself? How long before he would naturally turn to the object instead of himself? That is encouraging. It's definitely a sensory thing here as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I have to say, if I remember correctly, it took several weeks, but once the new pattern was established, we never had a problem with it again. He is 13 now, and still carries the megablocks in his pocket, but will leave them in the car when we go in places like church, the store etc, then fiddle with them as soon as we get in the car. He does do some stimulating of that area when he goes to bed at night, but only in the form of laying on top of his hands fully clothed and rocking back and forth, and only in his room at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Remind him "Put your pickle in your pants!". When one of my twins was about six and his hand used to creep into his pants I'd remind him that he "Did not need to check on it - it wasn't going to crawl down his leg and escape!" He'd laugh, and stop. I think constant reminders, done with slight humor if you can manage it, are better than going all punitive on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm about at the point where I would try a leotard. Yes, his absentmindedness absolutely affects his life. We have had him evaluated and he is not on "the spectrum" but he does have problems with sensory integration. We have been working on it for years. A ball or squishy toy might work, but because of his absentmindedness I worry that it would always just get lost, or the babies would end up with it. Usually this is while he is concentrating on something, like a game, waiting for his turn, etc. I do not think it is due to infection, he has never complained of any pain and it doesn't seem like he is itching or uncomfortable. Just fiddling around with it hanging out for everyone to see. :confused1: Right, so you would have to be the keeper of it initially and give it him before he starts playing a game or waiting. Is he in OT or anything? My dd's speech teacher gave her some of that chewy rope and I hand it to her before I turn anything on the TV because that is when she does things like lick her lips a million times. It has helped tremendously. But it had to come from me for weeks, then she started asking for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 If he's got some sensory issues, I'd try to replace it with a chewy necklace. The easiest way to quickly satisfy sensory stuff is through the pants or mouth. If he has a necklace and you put it on him, he will not lose it. I'd also stick him in a leotard or overalls to restrict access while redirecting. Mine picks his nose or messes with his pants while watching stuff or doing something otherwise inactive. I've found that heavy stuff piled on him helps a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 This is not age expected behavior at all. I would look for other indications of special needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 My aspie was a little younger than your son when we went through this, definitely sensory for him. We let him try carrying different things around in his pocket that he could pull out and play with (kind of the same action as the offending) He ended up picking a toy spatula that his sisters had in their toy kitchen. He carried it in his pocket for YEARS. Then one day it disappeared. It took him a while, but he has replaced it with a specific combination of mega blocks that he keeps in his pocket. Completely stopped grabbing himself after an adjustment period. Anytime we saw him pulling at it, we reminded him of his blocks. He created a new brain pattern This is basically the technique I would use if working with a kid in therapy to replace one habit with another. It is very difficult to stop a habit, but it is an easier transition if another, more socially appropriate habit, is substituted. For nose pickers, I have used a necklace to fidget with. A squishy ball in a boy's pocket would work, in addition to wearing a belt or some tighter pants. It is important not to overreact in a negative or punitive manner. (I know that the OP is not doing this, but it needs to be stated as a general principle.) Just a simple reminder and lather, rinse, repeat is what is needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 If he's got some sensory issues, I'd try to replace it with a chewy necklace. The easiest way to quickly satisfy sensory stuff is through the pants or mouth. If he has a necklace and you put it on him, he will not lose it. I'd also stick him in a leotard or overalls to restrict access while redirecting. Mine picks his nose or messes with his pants while watching stuff or doing something otherwise inactive. I've found that heavy stuff piled on him helps a lot. Do you mean those candy necklaces? Or is there another type of chewy necklace? I don't necessarily want to be constantly giving him candy necklaces. When he has his winter coat on, the collar comes above his neck and he is CONSTANTLY chewing on it. So yes, I can see how the pants/mouth are major sensory areas. This is not age expected behavior at all. I would look for other indications of special needs. What do you mean? Do you mean on top of the sensory/neurodevelopmental stuff I've already mentioned? I have had him evaluated by multiple professionals and they all say he is an extremely pleasant, social child who is absolutely NOT on the autism spectrum. Since he is not on the spectrum, there is very little help I can get for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 yeah, ugh. He is very skinny so his pants hang down and he just whips it right out. This is so discouraging, anyone looking at him can FULLY see it. We'd have to put his pants up around his belly button or above. I'd thread elastic through the back of the waistband to make the waist tight. Otherwise, I'd just keep reminding him.... Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Do you mean those candy necklaces? Or is there another type of chewy necklace? I don't necessarily want to be constantly giving him candy necklaces. When he has his winter coat on, the collar comes above his neck and he is CONSTANTLY chewing on it. So yes, I can see how the pants/mouth are major sensory areas. I used to hang ChewyTubes around the boys' necks when they used to chew their shirts. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 A really great, and I mean GREAT book about things to do that helps with sensory seeking, stimulation, etc. Is The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun. I used it years ago, and recently recommended it to a friend whose child has been evaluated for the spectrum, but not diagnosed. She said it made a huge difference in her daughter to have a sensory "diet" There is also a companion book that goes more into detail about Sensory Intergration Disorder. I am NOT saying that your child has Sensory intergration disorder, I just want to pass a long a great book about things sensory. I have a daughter who by no means is anywhere near needing an evaluation and she likes doing some of the activities, like joint compressions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Chewy tubes, like Laura said. You can just get regular ones and make a necklace, or look for the necklace ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Remind him "Put your pickle in your pants!". When one of my twins was about six and his hand used to creep into his pants I'd remind him that he "Did not need to check on it - it wasn't going to crawl down his leg and escape!" He'd laugh, and stop. I think constant reminders, done with slight humor if you can manage it, are better than going all punitive on them. Yeah, when my son has occasionally done this, I return the favor - fondle my bre*st in front of him if he's doing that to himself. He gets all wigged out, and I laugh and say, "Well, if you don't want to see me do this, why do you think I want to see you do that?" It ends with a lot of giggling and eye rolling and that's that. Good luck -- you will find a cure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Our DS chews his nails to the extent that there is nothing left, and then he starts chewing the skin of his fingers. In our case, it is a nervous habit. We tried everything! Lately, we reward him when we catch him not doing it, and it has been helping. Especially, when he goes to bite his nails and stops himself. When he says 'Mom, I was going to bite' ... he gets a reward. Maybe something similar would work. Our DS is very sensory, we have every chew toy and squishing thing known to man - we do gum and lollipos through the day and lots of other sensory breaks. However, by far, the most productive thing has been positive attention for stopping himself, or asking for help, with the 'undesired' behavior. Hope this helps - good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm about at the point where I would try a leotard. Yes, his absentmindedness absolutely affects his life. We have had him evaluated and he is not on "the spectrum" but he does have problems with sensory integration. We have been working on it for years. A ball or squishy toy might work, but because of his absentmindedness I worry that it would always just get lost, or the babies would end up with it. Usually this is while he is concentrating on something, like a game, waiting for his turn, etc. I do not think it is due to infection, he has never complained of any pain and it doesn't seem like he is itching or uncomfortable. Just fiddling around with it hanging out for everyone to see. :confused1: I'd get him a belt and maybe tie something to it so that it's there when he absentmindedly reaches for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Squirt gun? :smilielol5: I agree with fiddle and chew toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 Thank you all for the ideas! I had never heard of chewy tubes! His birthday is in a couple days and I got him some little things to fiddle with. Hopefully all of this will help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Look for some things like a squishy ball, etc. on a clip key chain or something you can put on a lanyard so that he can wear it around his neck (safety one) or clip to one of his belt loops. That way he is less likely to loose it. Sorry you have had trouble with getting help. A child can NOT be on the spectrum but still have sensory and other needs that OT and other therapies can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 I agree with attaching a squishy toy to a belt loop. I think sending him off to privacy is okay, but it might not help the absent-mindedness. I also agree with OT. It made a major difference to our son (different manifestations, but he was like a different kid.) You should probably get ADD checked out. What I don't agree with is the hand-washing bit because it gives the message that his private parts are dirty. They are not. It does not make one "unclean" to touch a pen is. I wouldn't want to give that message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 What I don't agree with is the hand-washing bit because it gives the message that his private parts are dirty. They are not. It does not make one "unclean" to touch a pen is. I wouldn't want to give that message. Really? Wild you touch yourself or your husband down there and then turn to normal activities without washing your hands? I wouldn't! That's just gross. If I see my kid touching his private parts, you better believe he is going to wash his hands before touching anything else in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 Really? Wild you touch yourself or your husband down there and then turn to normal activities without washing your hands? I wouldn't! That's just gross. If I see my kid touching his private parts, you better believe he is going to wash his hands before touching anything else in the house. I do agree with this. We have had an issue where a certain adult male in this house, who will remain unnamed, has enjoyed scratching his nether regions and when he then puts an arm around me I get this....offensive smell emanating off of his arm/hand. :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 I<snip> What I don't agree with is the hand-washing bit because it gives the message that his private parts are dirty. They are not. It does not make one "unclean" to touch a pen is. I wouldn't want to give that message. Eww. Are the people you shake hands with aware of your thoughts on the matter, lol? In all seriousness, a matter of fact washing of the hands after touching the privates does not automatically send a message that they are unclean (in the negative, psychological way). And, you know, he is a very absent minded, very young boy. His parts probably are a bit dirty ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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