Is it just me, or is our society too "busy"?

[mama2cntrykids]

I mean, I have quite a few friends who literally seem to be running themselves (and their kids at times) ragged.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being "busy enough". Like, if I'm not running here, there and everywhere, or I'm not doing tons of projects around the house, then I'm not doing *enough*.

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Please tell me that it's okay to not be "busy" allll the time.

 

Edited to change wording...

[SJ.]

I do. I feel busy enough as it is but I have friends who go to so mAny more activities and have more obligations.

 

[msjones]

Busy is "in" nowadays around here. Most kids have 4 seasons of sports (usually soccer, basketball, base/softball, swimming) along with skiing, family vacations, church involvement, homework, tons of birthday parties, music lessons, and sometimes tutoring. More and more kids seem to be on traveling teams or playing two sports at once.

 

I hear about a lot of meltdowns.

 

We don't do nearly that much. I just can't function well at a crazy pace. Plus, I really value the time we have at home. I really want my kids to have space to do their own thing at their own pace on a regular basis.

 

That being said, we do church, scouts, and two sports a year. That feels busy enough to me.

[Parrothead]

I work very hard to stay unbusy. I'd rather be ever so slightly bored than overwhelmed.

[plansrme]

Please tell me that it's really not good to be so "busy" allll the time.

 

 

Why do you want to condemn those who opt for busier lifestyles? Does it have to be "I am right, you are wrong"? Would you like to know that your busy friends characterize you as lazy and unmotivated? You think they are too busy; they think you are lazy. Fair? Of course not.

 

Terri

[partyof5]

We may be busier society in general, but I am constantly re-assessing our family needs and interests and opting out of activities and options. I just need to know when it's too much for OUR kids and stick with that.

 

Some people are energized by more activity while others are energized by doing less. I err on the side of more activity but I have a child who needs less and I work to provide that environment for her.

 

As for home projects, ick. My mom feels like cleaning is the key to happiness. I do not feel like this at all and would rather ignore the dust while reading a book...every time. Ha!

[mama2cntrykids]

Why do you want to condemn those who opt for busier lifestyles? Does it have to be "I am right, you are wrong"? Would you like to know that your busy friends characterize you as lazy and unmotivated? You think they are too busy; they think you are lazy. Fair? Of course not.

 

Terri

 

 

Woah...sorry. I certainly wasn't trying to "condemn" anyone. Really, I wasn't. I didn't mean "good vs. bad". Poorly worded. I guess I just feel too stressed out by being too busy (for me). That's all I meant.

 

Happy a good night.

 

Oh and I edited my original post so that no one else would think that I'm being judgemental. I'm not. Far from it, in fact.

[justamouse]

Being quiet, having down time, being together for many, many people is a very hard thing. *

 

You should read Bowling Alone. It's pretty amazing and eye opening.

 

I avoid busyness like the plague, and my kids do, too.

 

I know one person who has a kid with debilitating anxiety attacks and she schedules her daughter TO THE TEETH. I don't think she sees the connection.

[Halcyon]

I used to be one of those people, back when I lived in NYC. There were so many amazing things to do, so many opportunities that I felt I couldnt miss or I would be depriving my children. They did sports and museum visits and coop classes and plays and weekend athletic events and lectures from amazing artists....but I was SO TIRED. All. the. time.

 

Anyway, we moved to a coastal area of Florida 3 years ago and, while it took forever to adjust, I finally have. The pace is much more laid back here, and even though I do less than half what I did in NYC, people still think I am a busy person LOL. My boys are doing one sport now (luckily, they're both doing the same sport), piano once a week, and homeschool fitness class once a week. My younger enjoys yoga, so he goes one day a week...I drop him off, head to work, and DH picks him up and is responsible for both boys for the rest of the day.

 

I am also working again part time, so there is simply not the time to do as much. And around here, there just isnt as much to do as there was in NYC. At first, that stressed me out (what about the exposure to fine art and culture!!) But now I just go to the beach and take a nap while the boys play in the sand.

 

 

[I.Dup.]

I work very hard to stay unbusy. I'd rather be ever so slightly bored than overwhelmed.

 

 

I agree.

 

I definitely agree with you, OP! I wonder how people stay sane or keep up the pace they do. It's an epidemic and a very modern thing, I would think.

[Stayseeliz]

I think a lot of people are overcommitted and pay the price for it. But I think a lot of people can handle it and do. A friend of mine does just fine with a super busy lifestyle. I do not. I need balance and time at home.

[lineinthesand9]

Please tell me that it's okay to not be "busy" allll the time.

 

 

It's okay. He said so -- Psalm 46:10

[joannqn]

This was the topic our pastor covered over the last four weeks. We don't do nearly as much as others. I have one kid in one activity, but that activity is an hour's drive away in traffic. He goes three days a week, which we really feel is the minimum, but man, the drive is awful. We haven't found a good solution yet.

[tjneary99]

Why do you want to condemn those who opt for busier lifestyles? Does it have to be "I am right, you are wrong"? Would you like to know that your busy friends characterize you as lazy and unmotivated? You think they are too busy; they think you are lazy. Fair? Of course not.

 

Terri

 

 

You put words into the orignal poster's mouth and made assumptions that were not true--I'd say that is was is not fair actually. There is nothing wrong with asking an honest question. You don't need to read into it, and project your assumptions regarding one's motive. For goodness sake, people should be able to ask a sincere question wihtout being condemned or having accusations thrown at them. She nowhere near said what you accused her of. Sorry, but that is not very gracious.

[catz]

My 2 homeschooled kids are extroverts and I find we actually do better at home when we have a time to be out of the house. We are out of the house 6 or 7 days a week somewhere or another right now. Is that for everyone? No - absolutely not. Every family and kid is different. Everyone needs to find a balance that works for them. My kids get twitchy and ornery if their regular activities are off. I think if you're exhaused or your kids are pushing back, it's too much. Some kids thrive on it. My kids would certainly not be in as many activities if they were in school all day.

 

I do think there are some really high strung people that don't know how to turn off and so they chose to go go go. I also think there are some people paralyzed by social interactions and fight not to leave their house. Every family needs to find their own balance point.

[Mandylubug]

We try to stay unbusy as well. We have been the busy family with two working parents, each parent doing personal outings weekly (sports, girls outing, etc.) and the kids doing AWANA and Church atleast three times a week in addition to all other obligations families end up attending... It was too much and we weren't enjoying our life. We cut down our church outings to once a week and limited the kids to one sport. The rest of the time, we spend as a family unit.

[TeenagerMom]

I feel like we are too busy right now, but it's currently what my 12 year old "needs." She's doing basketball 3 nights a week, church 2 nights and Sunday a.m., volunteering at the food bank, Student Council for our homeschool group (1 day a month) and we just ended fall co-op 1 day a week.

 

DS10 only does church, and is starting wheelchair basketball and volunteering occasionally at the animal shelter.

 

DD was previously in public school and was starting to get into trouble. She had no "direction" other than knowing who was dating who. She needs guidance and activity at the moment to learn self discipline and that there is much more to this world than her tween social life.

 

I work part time, homeschool both kids, and run her to all these activities. Now I'm adding in DS's, but he needs social outlets also.

 

After basketball season is over, we will slow down a LOT and I am already looking forward to it! BUT, I know my mother did a LOT more running with 3 kids in multiple activities each and worked full time.

[amy g.]

I'm way too busy,but I have 5 kids and each one has activities. I won't miss this season of life when it is over.

[Georgiana Daniels]

It's totally OK not to be busy. YOU are the best gauge for your family. What works for one simply will not work for another. We are one of the busy ones, then I look at our friends and I feel like sloth.

[JenniferB]

I work very hard to stay unbusy. I'd rather be ever so slightly bored than overwhelmed.

 

Yepper! Agree, nodding.

[Carol in Cal.]

There is a book that I used to love that talks about this, and I recommend it. It is very reflective, and more or less secular, despite the title, which is "Mitten Strings for God".

[NASDAQ]

I'm told that many people actually enjoy leaving their houses, seeing people, and so on.

 

I don't empathise, tbh, but for those that like that sort of thing . . .

[woodsmary]

I have friends who go to so mAny more activities and have more obligations.

[Renee in NC]

I am a really busy person, too, but it has nothing to do with activities with the kids. They actually don't get very many!

 

I get up at 4am to exercise and study for the CPA exam (and pop in here, obviously!) I get everything ready, get the kids up, etc. at 6:30 and we are out the door at 7:10. I work all day and come home around 6. To get up at 4, I need to be in bed by 9. So there are 3 hours to get homework in, dinner, laundry, etc. Once a week I take the boys to Scouts, and every other week the girls go to AHG.

 

I'm tired, tired, tired.

[lailasmum]

I don't like being out the house mega busy. I can't cope with a full schedule. Out the house once a week is enough for us else at the moment or I start to get tired and suffer. My kids aren't really that bothered. I used to do more when I had 1 child and she was a toddler but I just got exhausted and was doing alot of driving for social stuff. I do think people need to slow down generally. It's not so much that they have too many activities but too many people don't schedule the time sit and prepare/eat a meal slowly or sit and read/ think. Everything is grabbed on the go. My sister is really prone to this. She has a full time job but no other commitments that she can't avoid but she books her non work time solid and beginning to suffer health wise. The stress of late nights constantly and always being on the run somewhere is really not good for her worrying and anxiety.

[plansrme]

You put words into the orignal poster's mouth and made assumptions that were not true--I'd say that is was is not fair actually. There is nothing wrong with asking an honest question. You don't need to read into it, and project your assumptions regarding one's motive. For goodness sake, people should be able to ask a sincere question wihtout being condemned or having accusations thrown at them. She nowhere near said what you accused her of. Sorry, but that is not very gracious.

 

The original post has been edited. it originally said, "Tell me everyone who is busy is wrong." This subject comes up with regularity on the board, and the sentiment is often that busi-ness is wrong, and those of us who are not busy are morally superior. What if someone posted saying, "Non-busy people are lazy"? Why would that be more offensive than, "Busy people are harming their families"? My point, which the OP understood, is that there is not necessarily a right or a wrong on this issue.

 

Now it is 5:40, and I have to get started on my thousand-task-long day while all of you non-busy people sleep. See? Is that fair? That is my point--it is not, and neither are posts saying that busy people are harming their families.

 

Terri

[delaney]

With 6 kids I doubt I have a choice. I have added a book adventures class to Wed mornings, sewing on Monday mornings, and writing classes on Thursday. This is the first year I have added outside things(other than sports and scouts), and it is more hectic than I want. I think next year I will try to do less school on the days I drive 20 miles each way for writing and be more organized with car schooling.

[Pawz4me]

Everyone and every family is different. Some need a lot of down time, others need to be busy with some planned activity almost all the time. The bottom line is . . . are you and your family happy/content/not bored? If so, then you're fine.

 

Now, having said that . . I do believe it's becoming more and more common in our society to equate busy-ness of any sort with importance or self-worth or productivity. I see a lot of unhappy people buying into that.

[GailV]

As for home projects, ick. My mom feels like cleaning is the key to happiness. I do not feel like this at all and would rather ignore the dust while reading a book...every time. Ha!

 

You are my soul mate :thumbup1:

[Danestress]

It is great not to be too busy. I am happier when I am less busy and can be more leisurely around the house.

 

Just remember though that other people are not "too busy" unless they think they are themselves. You don't get to decide how busy others 'should' be. What you judge as "running kids ragged" might be exactly what those kids want at that stage in life. My kids were very busy in junior high, I had friends complain about it. Those would be friends whose kids watched carpy tv shows and played video games all the time, lol. My kids hardly ever had time for that garbage.

 

I needed a lot of down time as a kid (and now) to hang out, read, think. My kids are happy staying very busy. Who am I to decide I am right and they are wrong? There have been many days I felt overwhelmed and exhausted, but I was putting my children's desires as a priority. It's actually been much better lately and I am enjoying a less hectic schedule.

[KungFuPanda]

It seems human nature to be busy. Nobody really just sits in a chair and stares into space. If we're not kept busy meeting our basics needs for food and shelter, then we FIND something to do . . . home projects, lessons for the kids, elaborate cooking, The Hive. I think everyone is busy doing different things.

[Jerico]

After very busy childhoods my husband and I decided to be very purposeful in choosing activities. Right now we are on the opposite spectrum. We go to the library once a week, groceries once a week, and church once a week. Other than walking to the park we don't go anywhere. I couldn't imagine anymore. I'm overwhelmed and so tired as it is (this sounds rediculous!) I'm sure we will add in things occasionally as our children get older. My eldest would love to do swimming lessons this summer, which I think we will oblige. I just don't want to get involved in something that I feel we have to do forever.

[momtoamiracle]

[

It seems human nature to be busy. Nobody really just sits in a chair and stares into space. If we're not kept busy meeting our basics needs for food and shelter, then we FIND something to do . . . home projects, lessons for the kids, elaborate cooking, The Hive. I think everyone is busy doing different things.

 

 

I agree with this. My busy is not the same as someone else's busy. My busy is keeping my house as best I can, reading and researching homeschooling, letting my son play at home and be the creative little person that he is, and trying to keep up with all of his "projects". Someone else's busy is outside activities. Extroverts thrive on outisde associations, it drains them to be quiet and not have much interaction with other people. Introverts need alone quiet time.

 

I'm ok with an activity every few weeks, but otherwise I function much much better if I am home, keeping on top of the things I need to do to have our home a place that doesn't drive me nuts...

 

 

 

and yes, there are days I don't worry about it and read a book for a couple of hours. Oh that is heaven!

[Coffeemama]

I struggle with finding the optimal level of busyness for my life. I love waking up on a lightly scheduled or non-busy day, but the procrastinator in me gets nothing done. I seem to be much more productive with a busy schedule. Oh the conflict! ;)

 

[TranquilMind]

I'm told that many people actually enjoy leaving their houses, seeing people, and so on.

 

I don't empathise, tbh, but for those that like that sort of thing . . .

 

 

Well, I like that kind of thing. Just not every single day. I really, really do better with some down time, as do we all, here.

 

We've had very busy times and down times. Right now, we are just hanging out doing nothing. It's great, and quite a good time to recharge for being with people tomorrow!

[Cassy]

I'm certainly busier than my mother was, and have much less time for people outside the family. She would chat with neighbours every day, sit and read or do a crossword every evening for three hours or so; she would go out every Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings. She only had one child and a small house though. I wish my life were a bit more relaxed and I could have the time for other people and friends that she had. I do need time to sit and stare, but too much unstructured time and I get depressed; it's a fine balance.

[lea_lpz]

I struggle with finding the optimal level of busyness for my life. I love waking up on a lightly scheduled or non-busy day, but the procrastinator in me gets nothing done. I seem to be much more productive with a busy schedule. Oh the conflict! ;)

 

[justLisa]

I feel too busy but that is because I am providing the right level of busy for 4 different people.

[Lisbeth]

I feel like most successful people put a lot into their lives. They are generally not sitting around watching American Idol. Also keep in mind we were probably meant to stay busy. Not frantically busy, but, our ancestors were productive most of the day to keep things going.

 

I believe in enrichments, but not frantic ones. Purpose is big deal here. Busy hands keep people out of trouble. ;)

 

What I don't like is skipped meals, eating on the go, or doing so much that nothing can be done well.

 

I actually think the average American is more lazy now than any time in our history.

[justLisa]

I love American Idol. I take offense to the suggestion that I'm not putting anything into my life because I enjoy it.

 

I LOVE those talent shows. The kids and I watch them.

[lea_lpz]

Agh...me too. We are in the process of decompressing an overly busy schedule. But when I have less time commitments / pressure I am not too productive. For instance, if I have a morning activity, we start school by 8 and finish by 10 or 10:30, if we don't that might be the time we actually start school at, and will have spent the morning lounging around.

 

For me it came down to the feeling of always being on a schedule and time table, limiting our ability to be spontaneous almost all week long.

 

Also, my kids were no longer appreciating the activities we were doing because doing an activity was an almost daily routine.

 

Another issue was being unable to discipline them for misbehavior. It was like, I would give you a consequence for your bad behavior, but we're going to be late, or the bad behavior was occurring at the activities.

 

We've decided after winter break we will only do:

American Heritage Girls Tuesdays 4-7

AWANA Thursdays from 7-9

 

Possibly...(we currently do this during the week,Thursdays)

Gymnastics 11:20 -12:20 and 12:30-1:30 Saturdays (kids in back to back classes)

 

My dh works Saturdays so we typically are free this day to do whatever but might not do gymnastics for the rest of year.

 

I let them pick their top 3, which were in order, AHG, AWANA, gymnastics. They said if they can only do 2 things letting gymnastics go is fine.

 

Right now, we live in crazy town:

Monday: Music Together 10:30-11:30

3:30-7:30 afternoon w/ dad while I

have class

 

Tuesday: gymnastics for ds 11-12

AHG 4-6

Wednesday: kinderclass 11:15-12:15

3:30-7:30 afternoon with grandma

while I go to class

Thursday: sports class 11:45-12:45 (ds)

Gymnastics 4:30-5:30 (dd)

AWANA 7-9

 

Friday / Saturday no plans

Sunday church 11:30-1 or 10-11:30 depending on when we get there...

 

[momtokea]

I once "shared" a saying (not mine) on Facebook that said "Stop the Glorification of Busy"

 

It was amazing how many "likes" it got. Overall, people agreed.

 

My family is busy, but not frantically busy. I do wish that kids could/would just play outside more. Why must we run them all over town to play sports?? Why can't we just give them a ball and say "Go play", and off they went and played with the neighbour kids, because they were out playing, too.

 

Sometimes I wish I was a mother in the 50's, or the 60's or 70's. I was a little girl in the 70's and most of the families in my neighbourhood had only one vehicle, which the dad took to work everyday. So the kids and moms were home all day. My family got a second car when I was in junior high, and then all of a sudden we had to go places.

[justLisa]

I love music. There aren't a ton of music shows on TV except for the talent shows and music award shows. So yeah, I watch them.

 

 

I guess I'm ok with my kids making nothing of themselves.

[regentrude]

yes and no. It depends on the people.

Some people overload on activities and run around like crazy - but OTOH, the average American adult watches about five hours TV per day. That is not being busy or using time wisely.

 

DH and I like to use our time productively and do not feel good if we have spent a day wasting time. But that does not mean that we have an overloaded schedule; we are always up for a spontaneous get-together, dinner party, go hiking and do a lot of things aside from working and homeschooling.

 

I have been on break since the weekend, and I am already stir crazy from the vacation... despite having gone on three long hikes.

 

Never in history the running of a household consumed this little time; so we do have lots more hours available than our Great-grandmothers that we can fill with meaningful activities.

[justLisa]

There is a lot to say about nothing. :laugh:

 

HAHAHA!!

[cathmom]

I am busier than I would like to be, but I don't feel that I have a choice at this stage of my life. I have 6 dc in three different schools, a dd who dances 5 times a week at her studio which is a half hour away, a house to run and a part-time teaching job. I frequently leave my house 3 and 4 times a day. Do I like it? No. Will I do it? Yes, because I brought these children into the world and I am going to do what I can to raise them to be educated adults who can take care of themselves.

[justamouse]

I think the question was an interesting one--are we as a society (not as individuals) too busy?

 

I have a friend who moved to Africa when we were in our 20s and has stayed because of the difference in the way people allocate their time and relationships. She reports that there is much more time for people, and for people outside the immediate family, there than here. She felt the same way about the Netherlands, where she also lived for awhile. I have heard the same thing from friends who have lived for extended times in Africa. (I know "Africa" is a big place...mostly, we are talking Kenya, Nairobi, Sudan...)

 

But family structure, mobility (or lack thereof) and a bunch of other stuff play into this, as well--it's not just about busy-ness. It's about stability, time in one place and with the same people...

 

Anyway, it has given me food for thought.

 

I think this is one reason many people who fall into homeschooling STAY in homeschooling. It totally shifts your priorities, and though it's really frustrating at first, you eventually see the benefits and a paradigm shift occurs.

 

It's what I mean when I say to take a step to the left and let the river pass you by.

[Durriyyah]

I think that I shouldn't feel busy with my life as it is now, but I think I got burnt out from working, going to school full time, and being a single mom for so long. Then again, I list the things I'm responsible for outside the home, and think "that's probably too much."

 

I have to wonder how many SAHM's feel like they have to compensate for the societal stigma that we are lazy and end up going overboard. I know after I got laid off and started being a SAHM, I signed up for all sorts of volunteer tasks because I felt like I had all the time in the world. Now my family suffers because of my over commitments.

[Hedgehogs4]

I mean, I have quite a few friends who literally seem to be running themselves (and their kids at times) ragged.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being "busy enough". Like, if I'm not running here, there and everywhere, or I'm not doing tons of projects around the house, then I'm not doing *enough*.

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Please tell me that it's okay to not be "busy" allll the time.

 

Edited to change wording...

I mean, I have quite a few friends who literally seem to be running themselves (and their kids at times) ragged.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty for not being "busy enough". Like, if I'm not running here, there and everywhere, or I'm not doing tons of projects around the house, then I'm not doing *enough*.

 

Does anyone else feel this way? Please tell me that it's okay to not be "busy" allll the time.

 

Edited to change wording...

 

It's okay. Your children will thank you later. We live in the D.C. Metro area and seriously the people here are crazy. No one seems happy. Everyone has stuff and meds. I hate the mentality, so this school year we have stepped back from everything. We have margins and time for each other. We are really happy and the rest of the world can go their own way.

[lea_lpz]

Like many of you, we live in a metropolitan area and so there is so much to do that many parents are over scheduled and it's hard not to want to sign up for all the awesome stuff, but I need to repeat, the good is the enemy of the best.