Word Nerd Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Because of when Christmas falls this year, I can't go anywhere out of town because I can only take that one day off at work. DH wanted to go home to visit his family out of state this year, and he and the kids don't have the time constraints that I do. We're considering having DH take the kids and go without me for a few days, but I'm wondering if I would regret it. We would have our Christmas celebration early and keep the same annual traditions (we have stockings and a treasure hunt but don't do Santa, so the day doesn't matter). I would not mind having a few days to myself and will be working most of that time anyway, but ideally I would not choose to be alone on Christmas. I don't have any family nearby to visit that day. I would still go to our church's Christmas Eve service. Would you send your family on their merry way without you? Update (#37): I can get time off the following week after all, so we'll all spend Christmas Day at home and travel to my in-laws' over New Year's instead. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 What do your kids want to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Nope! I'm too selfish. Holidays are spent with family and we have never been apart for one ever. Family being dh and I and our kids. I don't feel bad about being selfish about this. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeschoolMamaOfTwo Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I wouldn't, but the day wouldn't be what mattered to me, I just wouldn't in general. It is bad enough when just DH is gone. I can't imagine DH AND the kids gone, I'd probably go nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 No. I would not do this. I spent years doing much of Christmas Eve and Christmas by myself. My dh is an Episcopal Priest. I hated it. Growing up, we spent Christmas with extended family and I LOVED it! I missed that SO much. Now, my family comes to me and I'm not alone. But, every year, I get scared that they won't come and I'll be alone again. (Well, not alone - but when I had three kids three and under and dh had to work so much? It was all me!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Oh heck no, honey. Christmas should be with family -- IMMEDIATE family FIRST. That means you, dh and the kids together. Your dh and the kids can go to the in-laws' another year when you can go, too. Who leaves mama behind on Christmas? That's just all kinds of wrong in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 No. Way. In. Hades. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 If my kids are OK with this, I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would let them go, but I have several friends that I know would invite me to be with them for Christmas if they knew I would be alone. If you have no one who would let you join in or that you would be comfortable doing so, then I say they should stay home with you. Could he leave and come back before Christmas day, or could he leave the day after Christmas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Absolutely not. Christmas is for my immediate family. Can't you have Christmas on Christmas day and then let him and the kids leave the next day to visit family? I would feel physically ill if I couldn't spend Christmas morning with my children and husband. Ugh, just thinking of it make me want to cry!!! DON'T DO IT! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I agree; Christmas is for immediate family first. But like Tbog said, dh wouldn't agree to that situation either. :grouphug: I hope you can work this out in a way that keeps you all together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would, but I'm an introvert and value (highly) my time alone. I am with my family constantly, so I would be okay with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 DH and I have spent quite a few Christmas days apart, thanks to the Army. We have always celebrated before or after the separation, as you are planning to do. Honestly? There is always a feeling of something being slightly off on the day of celebration (although the kids seem mostly oblivious...but they have been young). There is always a tear (or a veritable waterfall of tears) on the official holiday. The lesser of two evils? Definitely. Something I would choose of my own accord? Never in a million years. That said, I would happily send them off for a visit anytime between 12/26 and 12/30. DH took the kids to visit his family without me once and it was heavenly. I stayed up too late, listened to music too loud, ate terribly unhealthy things... But it wasn't a holiday, so there were no tears. I did miss them, which was a nice, interesting feeling. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would without a problem. (if they wanted to go, and I was pretty sure they would have fun). Christmas, or any holiday is not important to me. They can be fun to acknowledge if continent, but that is about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristineW Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I couldn't do it. Maybe keep them for the morning and send them off in the afternoon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhrice3 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 First of all, I would ask "Can they not come and visit you?" Secondly, I will say that I enjoy quiet time ALOT and I have spent a Christmas afternoon and evening alone while my dh took dc to his folks. I was totally ok with it for several reasons, but I can see where some people would not be. I grew up where we spent all Christmas Eve and Christmas with tons of family - immediate and extended. It was great, but there were times as a child when I just wanted to be at my house playing with my new toy, but it was what we did. My dh is an ER physician so we have made holidays what they are despite his work schedule. Some years we spend it with friends in town, some years we have flown to visit my family, some years it was quiet because dad was working. When his parents whom we do not really get along with moved an hour away several years ago things changed a little. One Christmas his brother and sister visited and his sister wanted to spend one big happy day with mom and dad so I let him take the kids and spend the afternoon and evening with them. His father and I do not get along so it is best if I stay away. It was perfectly ok with me. The kids were little, and I knew that it would be special for my dh's mom and siblings. Like I said, I enjoy my quiet time. However, it is a very quiet time so be prepared for it. If you do not feel 110% about this, do not suggest it or let it happen. It will be something that you regret and that you will remember. Happy Thanksgiving, ReneeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I have done it. My dad had surgery and my mom needed some help from me. I flew across the country and stayed through Christmas with the kids. DH stayed home. But I wouldn't have done it otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 21, 2012 Author Share Posted November 21, 2012 Just to clarify, this was my crazy idea and DH has not agreed to anything. I understand the strong feelings expressed above and appreciate the feedback. But the implication that if he were a good husband, he wouldn't even entertain the idea isn't fair to him. I don't know what we'll do, but it stinks no matter what we decide. I do know I'm going to put in a time off request NOW for the whole week off next year between Christmas and New Year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I might. I like being alone. I wouldn’t normally choose to be alone on Christmas but in the circumstances you gave I might choose it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would do it. I have always been fine with scheduling celebrations at a time/day that is convenient. I have never been bound by a need to celebrate on the ACTUAL day. As such, if it were me, I would make sure to have the fun, special, family Christmas with all the trimmings at the time/day that works well and go ahead and send the family on their merry way. Then, on Christmas Day I would settle myself in with a stack of books and a movie or two and some comfort food and enjoy the solitude. To me a day alone with no responsibilities would be heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Personally it would make me too sad, and I think my kids would be upset if I weren't there on Christmas. Would your dh consider taking the trip right before or right after Christmas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 No. No. No. YOU are far more important to your family's Christmas than any other "family" that your dh might want to visit. Honestly, I seriously doubt your kids would want to leave you on Christmas, anyway. I think it's a terrible idea. TERRIBLE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would do it. I have always been fine with scheduling celebrations at a time/day that is convenient. I have never been bound by a need to celebrate on the ACTUAL day. As such, if it were me, I would make sure to have the fun, special, family Christmas with all the trimmings at the time/day that works well and go ahead and send the family on their merry way. Then, on Christmas Day I would settle myself in with a stack of books and a movie or two and some comfort food and enjoy the solitude. To me a day alone with no responsibilities would be heaven. :iagree: I personally think it's all about the event and not the day on the calender that's important. I'd make a huge weekend of it before with all the trimmings and send them on their way. To me, it sounds pretty heavenly to be alone for a few days! :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would do it. I think a couple days break plus with the work you have to get done, might be good. Certainly not the end of the world. Do what is right for your family. It will be lonely, but any time without family is lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I didn't mean my comment to read that about your dh. I was just saying that I myself couldn't even entertain it if I wanted to, because dh would shoot the idea down. Same here. I apologize if my comment read otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I didn't spend last Christmas with my DH and children because I chose to be with my grandmother, who died that morning. I'll be honest, my kids didn't miss me. DH took them out of town to his family's gatherings, they played with tons of cousins, they got lots of presents, they had a blast. I was so happy knowing that they were having a ball on Christmas. Unless your children aren't comfortable with it, I would go for it. I think it's great to experience big family gatherings over the holidays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Ya know, it's just a day and if you celebrate some other day, well, that's fine, right? That said.... I would have a hard time with it. There are benefits to being married and having children and that's (hopefully) never being alone on a holiday built on traditions of family. I have elderly clients (cleaning) and I worry that they are alone for Christmas. It makes me sad. They seem fine with it. So why am I not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Oh heck no, honey. Christmas should be with family -- IMMEDIATE family FIRST. That means you, dh and the kids together. Your dh and the kids can go to the in-laws' another year when you can go, too. Who leaves mama behind on Christmas? That's just all kinds of wrong in my book. Agreed. And there are exceptions. DH has missed Christmas and it was really sad for the kids. I don't want to put them through that, if I don't have to. But, that is me, not making a value judgment on anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Because of when Christmas falls this year, I can't go anywhere out of town because I can only take that one day off at work. DH wanted to go home to visit his family out of state this year, and he and the kids don't have the time constraints that I do. We're considering having DH take the kids and go without me for a few days, but I'm wondering if I would regret it. We would have our Christmas celebration early and keep the same annual traditions (we have stockings and a treasure hunt but don't do Santa, so the day doesn't matter). I would not mind having a few days to myself and will be working most of that time anyway, but ideally I would not choose to be alone on Christmas. I don't have any family nearby to visit that day. I would still go to our church's Christmas Eve service. Would you send your family on their merry way without you? I would not have a problem with it as long as the partner and children did not. Moving the nuclear family celebration to a nearby day would not bother me either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would send my family on their merry way, but that's me. So rarely do I have a moment alone, that alone time wouldn't bother me no matter what the day. You have to look at how you'll feel and if there will be regrets by you or your family. Probably the kids are the first consideration. They might say one thing now, but you know how they'll really feel being without you. Sorry you even have to think about it! I used to work in retail management, so I know how it goes around holiday time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I could help myself get over any disappointment I may feel and be just fine with it. More than likely I'd sleep the entire 24 hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I wouldn't.....but then again, dh wouldn't think of it in the first place. I can't imagine a worse day to be alone. Could he go before or after? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would be fine wiith it if it works for those involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Just wanted to update this thread. It looks like I will be able to get some time off the following week, and DH is fine with visiting his family over New Year's instead. We'll have a Christmas at home with just our immediate family this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Because of when Christmas falls this year, I can't go anywhere out of town because I can only take that one day off at work. DH wanted to go home to visit his family out of state this year, and he and the kids don't have the time constraints that I do. We're considering having DH take the kids and go without me for a few days, but I'm wondering if I would regret it. We would have our Christmas celebration early and keep the same annual traditions (we have stockings and a treasure hunt but don't do Santa, so the day doesn't matter). I would not mind having a few days to myself and will be working most of that time anyway, but ideally I would not choose to be alone on Christmas. I don't have any family nearby to visit that day. I would still go to our church's Christmas Eve service. Would you send your family on their merry way without you? Sure, I would. But he would want to stay with me. But then, we have almost no family either, and none close. So, yeah...I'd probably tell them to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I've sent him and the kids off on lesser holidays when I had to work. If his visit to his family made being gone on Christmas Day necessary, then I would definitely encourage him to do it. For one thing, I don't think holidays have to be celebrated on that specific day. For another, doing that would be a gift of love to dh and his extended family and our kids, and it would therefore also be a gift to Jesus (under the "inasmuch as you've done it to the least of these my brethren, you've done it to me" clause) . It's his birthday we are celebrating. I would enjoy the Christmas Eve service at our church, probably go to a partner church and feed the homeless on Christmas Day itself, and depending on whether I wanted to spend the day alone or not, I could probably cop an invitation with some friends. (I might very well enjoy spending the rest of the day alone.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I spent Christmas alone one year when dh and I were living apart (for job reasons, not marital ones). It was pre-kids. It was strange, but hardly the end of the world. I would be willing to do it again if need be and dh is great at making the best of a bad situation, but my kids would FREAK OUT, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Just wanted to update this thread. It looks like I will be able to get some time off the following week, and DH is fine with visiting his family over New Year's instead. We'll have a Christmas at home with just our immediate family this year. Thanks for posting the update -- I'm so glad to hear that everything is going to work out! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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