I need a gentle way to say no...

[4ofus]

I've come to realize that I lack tact. It's only taken me this long :glare:. I need to say no to someone that I don't particularly like, but I love (if that makes sense).

 

We live 500 miles away from our families. On my side of the family my kids have a grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother, uncle & 2 cousins. On dh side of the family there is an aunt. We see them all at T-giving as we go there. We see them all at July 4th as we go there. Anyone whom wants to come here at Christmas does. It's never the whole clan. We sometimes also make a trip down to the beach (their town) in the Spring & anyone is welcome to join us, including friends for this trip.

 

For the first time in 4 years, my kids are going to granny's for a week without me. Just kids & granny & whatever her/their plans are. They went today. Granny & kids are SO EXCITED.

 

Aunt (dh sister) texted today & asked if she could 'have' or 'see' the boys while they were at granny's.

 

The short answer is no. Unless Granny chooses to call her, which I doubt. These are 2 different sides of the family that really only 'make way' for each other at holidays. A whole lotta lovin' going on, I know.

 

My poor kids really don't have ANY extended family who would 'move mountains' for them. It breaks my heart to see them all be so...passive :(. But it is what it is. I know they love the boys, they are just not willing to overcome this distance to really bond with the kids & are okay with it since I'm the one who moved (with my husband. for his job.). I just hope I remember this when I'm a grand. :(

 

ANYWAY. Granny & I made these arrangements in July. Did I mention first just-granny, just-kids visit in 4 years?

 

Now, let me just say here, this isn't for me. I am lost without them here. I think they will come back rotton & spoiled & sugary. It will take months for me to sort it out. In other words~THEY ARE GOING TO LOVE IT & it's an opportunity to feel connected to someone besides us. This is for the kids. They want this.so.much.

 

After putting it on the calendar & hearing her discuss her plans & realizing (so gratefully) that she is very excited about them coming I am relieved & happy for the kids. And no way, no how am I going to call her now & say, "btw, dh's sister would like the kids some of the time." No. Rude.

 

Please tell me how to say to s-i-l kindly, gently, that THIS is not the time. It is true she does not see them much (at all) outside holidays, but I don't think this is all on me. I don't care to explain my family's "dynamic" to her. We're not close. Friendly is the extent of it. Not friends.

 

Could you help? I do not wish to sound snarky :(.

 

Oh, to add~she's a texter, so this will be a text message. Even harder to not sound snarky!!

[eternalknot]

I prefer texting to calls for stuff like this LOL.

 

"Shoot! This was planned since July and it sounds like Granny has the week planned to the hilt. I'll have to be another time. Take care."

 

ETA: I know the sides of family aren't friends, and you made your preference clear, but for the sake of family (you said extended family doesn't give a flip but it sounds like SIL was reaching out somewhat) I'd see if Granny minded if Auntie took the kids to lunch for an hour or so mid-week. Or if dinner could be arranged the night before everyone left - if feasible, depending on how the kids are travelling).

[Joanne]

I think you may be complicating this. :grouphug:

 

A simple "I'm sorry but that doesn't work for us this visit" is complete, sufficient, and polite.

 

What you are looking for - a totally non awkward interaction - may not exist for this situation. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

Your wishes are completely reasonable and should be respected.

 

SIL could have texted months ago, weeks ago, another time? Sure, now? No.

[LucyMcGillicuddy]

I've told people that this is the time that Granny doesn't have to share the child and the child doesn't have to share Granny. Anyone else who is interested can try setting up their own time.

 

Hopefully you'll be able to find a way to say "No" and then just repeat it and not let anyone else try to make you feel bad or guilt you into anything.

Edited September 12, 2012 by mdemama
Pronoun trouble

[elfgivas]

so i'm not sure i understand why this is awkward?

 

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Jan in SC]

Before you respond, I would check with Granny and make sure she wouldn't welcome an afternoon break from the boys. If she's not used to being around children, by the middle of the week, lunch and a movie with Aunt might sound good to her, too!

[Ellie]

Well, see, I'd be thrilled to death that the only aunt on dh's side wanted to spend time with them, and I'd let them, but apparently that's just me. :-)

 

Just tell her how much you appreciate the offer, but that it wouldn't work out this time. :-)

[4ofus]

 

ETA: I know the sides of family aren't friends, and you made your preference clear, but for the sake of family (you said extended family doesn't give a flip but it sounds like SIL was reaching out somewhat) I'd see if Granny minded if Auntie took the kids to lunch for an hour or so mid-week. Or if dinner could be arranged the night before everyone left - if feasible, depending on how the kids are travelling).

 

I prefer texting too! Haha! I view this person as manipulative. I have to guard myself very carefully in my interactions with her. And with my kids/dh about her. DH knows what I think, but I make a point to be kind & polite. She is family. BUT.

 

I *hope I'm not the only person w/a family member that makes you say *BUT. :lol: I'm sure I'm not :).

 

She never has $$, only sometimes has a job, & doesn't want the boys to come in her appartment lest they may "break" something. Literally. They are not allowed in her apartment. She doesn't take them to lunch or a movie unless I or dh gives her $$ to cover her & them. She doesn't drive here at Xmas unless we beg & pay her gas. When she leaves, she cries & begs us to let her LIVE with us?!?! :svengo: It is exhausting. Her idea of having or seeing them will be for *someone to give her the $ to entertain them (since they can't go in her house), or for her to hang out with boys & granny (which will go over with granny like a lead balloon.)

 

I don't know if she's just clueless or classifiable. But she's hard to be around. Granny won't be around her unless I'm there to mediate. Often even then, if she's coming, granny ends up begging off. It's lovely. Really. I'm just trying not to ruffle any feathers & since granny has possession of them this week, I think it best to keep auntie away.

 

Agh. Dysfunctional much?:\

[eternalknot]

 

I *hope I'm not the only person w/a family member that makes you say *BUT. :lol: I'm sure I'm not :).

 

Girl, you know you're not :lol:!

 

And so this is the kind of person you have to be firm with and you come off looking like the jerk. I'm trying to figure out how we're related to the same person LOL. Is she younger? I keep hoping mine will outgrow it. Give me a kernel of hope ....!

 

Keep the text short and sweet. Don't apologize, don't include any questions ("Hope you don't mind, sorry!" or "Maybe next time?") just the aforementioned: "Bummer, the week is pretty much planned to a hilt. We'll have to touch base for another time." Leave out this part: like when you mature or win the lottery. Or both.

 

Or you can be nice but throw in the "Sorry, can't afford it this time! Have a good week, Gotta run!" :D

[Pretty in Pink]

I prefer texting to calls for stuff like this LOL.

 

"Shoot! This was planned since July and it sounds like Granny has the week planned to the hilt. I'll have to be another time. Take care."

 

:iagree:Yep. Keep it short and sweet. No need to elaborate. If she responded at all after that I would just ignore her.

[4ofus]

Well, see, I'd be thrilled to death that the only aunt on dh's side wanted to spend time with them, and I'd let them, but apparently that's just me. :-)

 

 

See, this conflicts me. I AM thrilled that the boys have any relation on dad's side that is interested in them. REALLY. The timing is off.

 

Lest you think I only bad-mouth in-laws, let me say...Granny is selfish. And can be manipulative herself. I see it. And I don't like conflict. At all.

 

And I have my own untrustworthy sibling.

 

And lest you think I never look in the mirror, I am not perfect either. Just trying to nicely say 'no' here when I really want to just ignore the text.

Edited September 12, 2012 by us4jones

[QuirkyKapers]

Did the kids fly to get to Granny's? If not, maybe you could have the aunt pick up the kids after time with Granny is done and just extend the time they are out there.

[4ofus]

You guys make it sound easy! Off to find my phone....:001_unsure:

[kristi26]

I agree with several others. Tell her "Sorry, it won't work for this visit. Another time maybe." Short and sweet. :) And so you know, you aren't the only one with relatives like that...:lol:

[eternalknot]

:iagree:Yep. Keep it short and sweet. No need to elaborate. If she responded at all after that I would just ignore her.

 

:lol: ... and this is why I love The Text. Forget about sliced bread, this and the indoor toilet are my favorite all-time inventions LOL.

 

You guys make it sound easy! Off to find my phone....:001_unsure:

 

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[4ofus]

"Sorry xxxxx, this has been planned for a while & plans are made. It'll have to be another time. I'll text you if there is any change. Take care."

 

This is what is in my phone, waiting on me to push send. Trouble is...it's a lie. I don't know what plans they have. And I pretty much can't lie. :( Sometimes I try, but I'm awful at it & just end up spilling it. Like the very next sentence. I know some days they'll just be hanging out swimming. Relaxing. They live on the coast for pete's sake. You don't have PLANS on the coast! You barely have shoes! But that lack of plans will be exactly what they want to do. My dh HATES that I can't lie. He says it's so inconvenient. He says it's lovely that I don't want to or won't lie, but the can't part can be a problem...and can be rude...back to that lack of tact thing...

 

I don't like to be touched either.

 

Tangent....I might look up spectrum disorders later.....:glare:

[QuirkyKapers]

"Sorry xxxxx, this has been planned for a while & plans are made. It'll have to be another time. I'll text you if there is any change. Take care."

 

Just change the plans are made to the kids are going to be busy with granny she likes to keep them busy.. or leave that part out about plans.

[4ofus]

Girl, you know you're not :lol:!

 

And so this is the kind of person you have to be firm with and you come off looking like the jerk. I'm trying to figure out how we're related to the same person LOL. Is she younger? I keep hoping mine will outgrow it. Give me a kernel of hope ....!

 

:D

 

Oh, yes, younger. But certainly not YOUNG. Hope? Hope is all I have...that & my southern charm :lol:.

[Hen]

"Sorry xxxxx, this has been planned for a while & plans are made. It'll have to be another time. I'll text you if there is any change. Take care."

 

This is what is in my phone, waiting on me to push send. Trouble is...it's a lie. I don't know what plans they have.

 

 

 

actually, I don't think it is a lie, your Granny does have her own plans, probably including just "hanging out" but that does constitute plans. Her "plans" probably don't include the hassle of having to plan around the Aunt- I'm guessing she can be a bit of a flake...goes with the territory I think...so Granny's plans probably don't include having to plan around Aunty showing up whenever or meeting her somewhere...or dealing with drama/awkwardness or anger at having to give her money or something.

 

back to, you are not lying. You don't owe her a big explanation of why it won't work out. Keep it short and sweet.

[eternalknot]

"Sorry xxxxx, this has been planned for a while & plans are made. It'll have to be another time. I'll text you if there is any change. Take care."

 

This is what is in my phone, waiting on me to push send. Trouble is...it's a lie. I don't know what plans they have. And I pretty much can't lie. :( Sometimes I try, but I'm awful at it & just end up spilling it. Like the very next sentence. I know some days they'll just be hanging out swimming. Relaxing. They live on the coast for pete's sake. You don't have PLANS on the coast! You barely have shoes! But that lack of plans will be exactly what they want to do. My dh HATES that I can't lie. He says it's so inconvenient. He says it's lovely that I don't want to or won't lie, but the can't part can be a problem...and can be rude...back to that lack of tact thing...

 

I don't like to be touched either.

 

Tangent....I might look up spectrum disorders later.....:glare:

 

Okay the only lie I see is that "I'll text you if there is any change." Because you know you won't. But that can be easily left out.

 

It's not a lie to say they have plans. Granny does. She may not know them all yet, but she has general ideas of how to fill the week. It's your prerogative to accept the Big Plan (Granny has kids) and not go asking her for a detailed itinerary so that time with Auntie can be squeezed in.

 

Besides, "Plans have been made" can just as easily refer to the bigger situation (Granny has kids) in which case it's still not a lie. The Plan is that your Granny has the kids and is doing whatever it is she has in mind. Even if that's doing nothing, but especially if it's doing nothing-with-Auntie.

 

Send it. Or consider re-wording it so it feels more truthful: "Granny has planned the week, it'll have to be another time. Take care."

[fraidycat]

so i'm not sure i understand why this is awkward?

 

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

 

 

:iagree: If and when I make arrangements for my parents to have the kids for a week or so, I always make arrangements with my SIL, too. I let them work out the details, but I always check to make sure SIL is available if/when Mom needs a break from them.

 

ETA: I should have kept reading. This particular SIL, I would just say No. It's Granny's week. Sorry. Maybe another time...or not. :)

[Anne]

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Anne

[Dobela]

so i'm not sure i understand why this is awkward?

 

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

:grouphug:

ann

I grew up 300 miles from my grandparents. Both sides lived about 20 miles from each other. When my mom's parents would pick us up for visits, the other side of the family always knew. The rule was that the grandparents had to work it out between themselves. Some visits, we saw both. Other visits, we only saw my mom's side. Sometimes I was allowed to go visit my dad's sister for one night. Neither side particularly liked the other, but managed to communicate when it was visit time. I would tell your extended family the same.

[4ofus]

Text sent. It took hours to send it. That in & of itself was rude of me :(. I stink at relationships. Now to see if I hear back from her soon, in hours, or if *she* ignores *me* .

[TheCoffeeChick]

I don't have any wise words for you, but this :

You don't have PLANS on the coast! You barely have shoes!

 

I love this....it's how I want to be when I grow up. :tongue_smilie:

[amey311]

Text sent. It took hours to send it. That in & of itself was rude of me :(.

 

NO it wasn't. You maybe had to consult with some people, and you maybe have a life - the people right in front of you are more important sometimes than the text. It's okay. I had a great sense of relief when I decided I didn't always need to answer the phone, even if I knew who was calling. Sometimes a kid is screaming. Sometimes I'm driving. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to other people. That's what voice mail is for.

[NorthwestMom]

You are really feeling waaaaaay too guilty about this. Stop it. She asked, you answered politely, you are fine. :001_smile:

[Jaz]

You are really feeling waaaaaay too guilty about this. Stop it. She asked, you answered politely, you are fine. :001_smile:

:iagree:Try hard to let it go. You did great! :)

[4ofus]

You're right, I am feeling too guilty about it. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

If you HAVE a family member like this, you KNOW what's going to happen next, right?

 

She'll call dh & be all sad & boo-hoo-ey. Which stresses me.

 

No return text yet. I'm walking away from it & reading for the evening. AFTER ALL, I am kid-free & I am not wasting any more time worrying.

[eternalknot]

You're right, I am feeling too guilty about it. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

If you HAVE a family member like this, you KNOW what's going to happen next, right?

 

She'll call dh & be all sad & boo-hoo-ey. Which stresses me.

 

No return text yet. I'm walking away from it & reading for the evening. AFTER ALL, I am kid-free & I am not wasting any more time worrying.

 

Put your phone in airplane mode. That's what I do when I know what's comin' LOL.

 

Will your husband see your side? Mine always felt torn between me (and he agreed with me) and loyalty to his family. It could definitely get stressful. But with the kids are gone, there's a lot more you can relax and do to help him ... um, ease that stress and forget about his family ;).

[4ofus]

This has taken a turn for the ugly.

 

I do not like the feelings I'm struggling with right now.

 

DH is working oot this week & while we had a brief conversation about it this morning, any face-to-face has to be put on hold until tomorrow afternoon.

 

He's in the middle & I HATE that for him.

 

We aspire to be a NO DRAMA family unit. Leave it at the door.

This qualifies as drama. And I want it to go away.

 

 

I'm getting angrier by the minute.

[Mama Geek]

Maybe I should have said something yesterday, but sending that text would have been better if you and your dh both agreed on it first. Dh and I have had problems with similar things before and it is due to a lack of communication between us.

[Remudamom]

You are doing the false guilt thing. There is no reason for you to be worried about this. It's her problem, not yours. Don't make it yours.

 

Heck, I wouldn't even answer if she called. She sounds like a poop.

 

Now YOU stop the drama and go do something fun.

[4ofus]

He is fine with the text. The text was only a problem for SIL, which causes a ripple effect~~~

 

She sent a whiny, tattle-tale email to him which he forwarded to me along with his response.

 

Which was fine. It supported the 'no', but in a placating fashion. Which I have mixed feelings about.

 

It's the fact that she sent the whiny-tattle-tale-email in the first place. Why is that okay? Who does that? If she asked ME something, I responded, she didn't like my response, she cried to him about getting the short end of the stick. If she started the exchange with ME, it needed to end with ME. If she knew it wouldn't go her way beforehand, she could have started the exchange with him to begin with. RIght? It's like a kid told no going to the next parent. ONLY WE AREN'T HER PARENTS & she's not a kid. This is bad behavior.

 

This to me is really really unacceptable. He works all.the.time. He's oot right now. This emotional-woe-is-me-drama 'nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i think i'll eat some worms' email unfolded in his email box this morning. Why is this his burden?

[MariannNOVA]

You are really feeling waaaaaay too guilty about this. Stop it. She asked, you answered politely, you are fine. :001_smile:

 

You are doing the false guilt thing. There is no reason for you to be worried about this. It's her problem, not yours. Don't make it yours.

 

Heck, I wouldn't even answer if she called. She sounds like a poop.

 

Now YOU stop the drama and go do something fun.

 

Let.it.go.

 

I don't see any drama except the drama you are anticipating which means there is no drama. Now, be kind to yourself, pat yourself on the back, and go do something fun.....for you.:grouphug: You've handled this incredibly appropriately. If anyone doesn't think so, it is their problem, not yours.;)

[Remudamom]

His sister, his burden. Like I said, go do something fun and quit brooding over it.

[MariannNOVA]

He is fine with the text. The text was only a problem for SIL, which causes a ripple effect~~~

 

She sent a whiny, tattle-tale email to him which he forwarded to me along with his response.

 

Which was fine. It supported the 'no', but in a placating fashion. Which I have mixed feeling about.

 

It's the fact that she sent the whiny-tattle-tale-email in the first place. Why is that okay? Who does that? If she asked ME something, I responded, she didn't like my response, she cried to him about getting the short end of the stick. If she started the exchange with ME, it needed to end with ME. If she knew it wouldn't go her way beforehand, she could have started the exchange with him to begin with. RIght? It's like a kid told no going to the next parent. ONLY WE AREN'T HER PARENTS & she's not a kid. This is bad behavior.

 

This to me is really really unacceptable. He works all.the.time. He's oot right now. This emotional-woe-is-me-drama 'nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i think i'll eat some worms' email unfolded in his email box this morning. Why is this his burden?

 

 

SIL needs to put on her big girl panties and get over it. Do not engage with her. Let.it.go.

[besroma]

His sister, his burden. Like I said, go do something fun and quit brooding over it.

 

:iagree: Go enjoy yourself! Don't waste this precious time thinking about it.

 

You could take a hot bath, read a good book, take a long walk, go to a movie, meet a friend for dinner...

[fairfarmhand]

He is fine with the text. The text was only a problem for SIL, which causes a ripple effect~~~

 

She sent a whiny, tattle-tale email to him which he forwarded to me along with his response.

 

Which was fine. It supported the 'no', but in a placating fashion. Which I have mixed feelings about.

 

It's the fact that she sent the whiny-tattle-tale-email in the first place. Why is that okay? Who does that? If she asked ME something, I responded, she didn't like my response, she cried to him about getting the short end of the stick. If she started the exchange with ME, it needed to end with ME. If she knew it wouldn't go her way beforehand, she could have started the exchange with him to begin with. RIght? It's like a kid told no going to the next parent. ONLY WE AREN'T HER PARENTS & she's not a kid. This is bad behavior.

 

This to me is really really unacceptable. He works all.the.time. He's oot right now. This emotional-woe-is-me-drama 'nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i think i'll eat some worms' email unfolded in his email box this morning. Why is this his burden?

 

I'd get together with your dh and decide that this behavior gets ignored. So in the described scenario, he deletes SIL's email and forgets it ever happened. By responding, he's feeding into this drama. IOW, she has no recourse if she doesn't like your response.

[Mama Geek]

He is fine with the text. The text was only a problem for SIL, which causes a ripple effect~~~

 

She sent a whiny, tattle-tale email to him which he forwarded to me along with his response.

 

Which was fine. It supported the 'no', but in a placating fashion. Which I have mixed feelings about.

 

It's the fact that she sent the whiny-tattle-tale-email in the first place. Why is that okay? Who does that? If she asked ME something, I responded, she didn't like my response, she cried to him about getting the short end of the stick. If she started the exchange with ME, it needed to end with ME. If she knew it wouldn't go her way beforehand, she could have started the exchange with him to begin with. RIght? It's like a kid told no going to the next parent. ONLY WE AREN'T HER PARENTS & she's not a kid. This is bad behavior.

 

This to me is really really unacceptable. He works all.the.time. He's oot right now. This emotional-woe-is-me-drama 'nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i think i'll eat some worms' email unfolded in his email box this morning. Why is this his burden?

 

If he supports you let him deal with her. Do not answer any more texts, e-mails, phone calls, etc. If you end up talking to her and she says anything tell her to talk to your dh about it. It isn't right that people are like this but some are including some of my dh's family. So I really know where you are coming from.

[Tammyla]

"No, I'm sorry it's not possible, but thank you for asking/thinking of us/me." That is my go to...Don't fuss over having an excuse or reason that is justifiable...

 

 

I've dealt too many years with a mil and friend who counter every reason on the planet and will feel slighted/po'd no matter the reason. A simple honest no thank you...is best in most situations.

[gardenmom5]

Please tell me how to say to s-i-l kindly, gently, that THIS is not the time.

Could you help? I do not wish to sound snarky :(.

!!

Oh, I'm so sorry, that just isn't going to work for us. perhaps another time. repeat as needed.

 

note - this doesn't give a "reason" that will be shot down, it also leaves the possibility "open" that maybe in the future it will work. if she trys to schedule something, again "that isn't going to work/and I need more information".

 

If you DON'T want to leave the door open, leave the last part off.

[jhschool]

Just ignore the WHOLE THING!!!

 

You are absolutely right about her being ridiculous.

Her behavior is immature and should be ignored.

Edited September 13, 2012 by jhschool

[mom4him]

Sorry, this is not a good time. Possibly we could arrange another time for you to spend some one on one with them.

Love you,

XXXXX

[dollhouse]

so i'm not sure i understand why this is awkward?

 

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

:iagree:

[Oak Knoll Mom]

so i'm not sure i understand why this is awkward?

 

fwiw, if it were my mom, i would call her and say something like,

"i just had a text from auntie bee, who would love to take the kids to lunch one day. would you like to have a break midweek, or would you like me to tell her that this visit isn't going to work out? i'm happy either way...."

 

and then i'd let her call it. inevitably when we visits grands, they are thankful for a brief interlude that is child-free. ie. this could actually be a good thing.

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

:iagree: Granny might appreciate a little break during the week. If Granny doesn't want a break, then tell SIL. "Sorry, Granny is in charge that week and she's packed the schedule full already."

 

ETA: Should have read the whole thread before I responded.

Edited September 13, 2012 by Oak Knoll Mom

[Dobela]

Dh needs to ignore this sister. When we were married a couple of years, one my my SILs tried a similar tactic. Dh was truely too busy to reply, and after a spell she dropped it. When she tried it again, he didn't reply, and she dropped it. After the 3rd time, she stopped completely. I haven't had to deal with a whine since about 2002. Don't be angry with him (even though it is tempting) but rather find some way to support his strength in resisting.