PSA: If you are a Grandma . . .

[Tenaj]

and you are taking three grandkids on a field trip that the two youngest cannot participate in . . . please DO NOT come to the window and tell the already tearful 4yo that "I hope Mom has something special for you to do while we're gone". Then pull out of the driveway, leaving two preschoolers looking at Mom waiting for her to come up with something spectacular to make up for the fact that they can't go with Grandma.

 

Now, 4yo is in his room howling with rage that, well, we really don't have something planned that meets with his expectations (or grandma's). I'll limit myself to a long Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . . . . . . .

[Jean in Newcastle]

Make cookies with him and have a teddy bear picnic together.

[eternalknot]

Oh yuck. And this is something I've done to my SIL without even thinking about it :blush:

 

I like Jean's idea!

 

My kids always like karaoke, but when they were too little to really sing along we'd crank up the music while *I* sang and we'd dance like maniacs around the room. Sometimes even on the coffee table LOL. It's just more fun that way :) It didn't always meet their expectations, but you know ... burning all of that physical energy and cranking it loud helped dissipate some of that disappointment ;) You have to follow up a dancefest like that with popcorn and M&Ms. Or a drive-thru shake. That's never failed me!

 

Hope the day gets better, Mom. Hate, hate, hate these ::cough::AVOIDABLE::cough:: situations!

[momma aimee]

and you are taking three grandkids on a field trip that the two youngest cannot participate in . . . please DO NOT come to the window and tell the already tearful 4yo that "I hope Mom has something special for you to do while we're gone". Then pull out of the driveway, leaving two preschoolers looking at Mom waiting for her to come up with something spectacular to make up for the fact that they can't go with Grandma.

 

Now, 4yo is in his room howling with rage that, well, we really don't have something planned that meets with his expectations (or grandma's). I'll limit myself to a long Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . . . . . . .

 

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

[In the Rain]

That's awful. :grouphug: Can he be appeased with something like a treat or a short TV show? My preschoolers were pretty easily distracted.

[MariannNOVA]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

 

I'm a grandma, and you're joking, right? :confused:

 

And, i guess after everyone else weighs in, we'll know whether or not you are indeed as you labeled yourself.:tongue_smilie:

[Happy]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

That leaves the olders missing out because the littles are too little.

 

What I had rathered the Gmom had done was say 'next Tuesday is your turn. I've got big plans for you.'

 

And, frankly, didn't mom think about what the littles would feel whether or not Gmom said what she did? Granted, what she said didn't help, but the kiddoe might have felt that disappointment/expectation anyway. It's always tough being the one left at home.

[abbeyej]

Make cookies with him and have a teddy bear picnic together.

 

Yep, exactly! Bake something or do a craft or play treasure hunt in the back yard. ... I really don't think Grandma did anything wrong.

[UnsinkableKristen]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

 

Sorry, but yes, I think you are being harsh. Sometimes there are activities that younger kids CAN'T go to or the parents don't want them to go to but the big kids would like. Maybe she is taking them as a reward for something, maybe they are going putt-putting, maybe going to a movie. Maybe she rotates taking the kids out because taking FIVE kids all at once is hard for parents, let alone grandparents. Trying to make every. single. thing. perfectly fair and even for FIVE kids is ridiculous.

 

I would just be thankful for an involved grandmother, irritated at the window thing, and then I would move on and find something fun to do with the little ones.

 

 

 

ETA: I just remembered that OP has EIGHT kids. The grandmother is doing what she can to help her. Just be thankful.

Edited September 7, 2012 by UnsinkableKristen

[In the Rain]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

I don't think older kids should have to miss out because there are younger siblings. For all we know, Grandma may have been doing Jan a favor by taking them on an educational trip Jan wanted them to attend.

 

What was unnecessary was implying that Jan needed to do something special for the ones left behind. I actually say similar things to one of my kids who gets left behind from an activity. As I said above though, they are easily amused. It doesn't have to be a big deal- like baking cookies. :lol:

[eternalknot]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

I don't know if you're the only one, or even if you're a b&&*h ;) but as an older kid in a family larger than the OP's I'm going to have to disagree with your solution to the problem!

 

And even as the parent and guardian to a gaggle of kids just slightly smaller than the OP's family, I can honestly say we all like and benefit from break-out group field trips. Whether it's boy/girl, older/younger, athletes/movie-goers, ... it's nice to not always be lumped together with the people you just happened to share womb space with, just because you happened to share womb space. It's nice to enjoy something you wouldn't necessarily enjoy as much if everyone were along.

 

I regularly hang out with just a few of my siblings. If I had to include everyone, everytime .. I'd not bother at all. Then we all miss out. Fortunately we've had years of practice learning that life isn't always fair (and surviving despite it!)

[*Lulu*]

Sorry, but yes, I think you are being harsh. Sometimes there are activities that younger kids CAN'T go to or the parents don't want them to go to but the big kids would like. Maybe she is taking them as a reward for something, maybe they are going putt-putting, maybe going to a movie. Maybe she rotates taking the kids out because taking FIVE kids all at once is hard for parents, let alone grandparents. Trying to make every. single. thing. perfectly fair and even for FIVE kids is ridiculous.

 

I would just be thankful for an involved grandmother, irritated at the window thing, and then I would move on and find something fun to do with the little ones.

 

 

 

ETA: I just remembered that OP has EIGHT kids. The grandmother is doing what she can to help her. Just be thankful.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My kids have different interests and abilities. If the grandparents (or DH and I for that matter) only took them places that worked for all of them it would cause some really neat opportunities to be missed.

 

My kids routinely get trips out one on one with an older family member. Those times are important and special to my kids.

[Just Kate]

I've actually done the same thing to my kids' grandma before (my mom). There have been a few times that she agreed to watch my youngest while I did something special with my oldest. Of course, my youngest was sad and wanted to go with us (we spend lots of time with grandma). So when I would drop her off, I would say that grandma will have something so exciting to do with her. Now, my dd is still little (only 5) and during these years there are lots of things that grandma would do to her that would be considered "exciting". Sometimes they would take a walk or ride the tricycle, other times they would bake or make a simple craft (and I mean simple...pull out some paper, stickers and crayons and let dd create). I didn't say this to dd to put a lot of pressure on my mom. Instead I did it to keep her from being sad that she didn't get to go somewhere with big brother.

 

Is it possible that grandma was just doing the best that she could here? Sounds wonderful that she wants to help out and be part of the kiddos' lives.

[Scuff]

Sometimes my MIL says stuff that makes me scratch my head. I think she's just oblivious. (and she's great in other ways) Just yesterday she jokingly told my 1yo not to do something rough with the baby. (don't remember what- Very sleep deprived.) Don't put ideas in her head! She's 1- If she's not doing a thing, she hasn't thouht of it, and if you tell her not to, now she is! It's rough when they make our jobs harder, but I think they just forget how littles think and how their words effect them.

[angela in ohio]

Sorry, but yes, I think you are being harsh. Sometimes there are activities that younger kids CAN'T go to or the parents don't want them to go to but the big kids would like. Maybe she is taking them as a reward for something, maybe they are going putt-putting, maybe going to a movie. Maybe she rotates taking the kids out because taking FIVE kids all at once is hard for parents, let alone grandparents. Trying to make every. single. thing. perfectly fair and even for FIVE kids is ridiculous.

 

I would just be thankful for an involved grandmother, irritated at the window thing, and then I would move on and find something fun to do with the little ones.

 

ETA: I just remembered that OP has EIGHT kids. The grandmother is doing what she can to help her. Just be thankful.

 

 

:iagree:

 

The comment would bother me because it feeds into the "if one person gets something special, everyone must" mentality that drives me nuts.

[Tenaj]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

Oh, that's really not the trouble. She is a very good grandma and the youngers go to her house at least once week for Grandma preschool. In fact, today's trip was intentionally planned to include the olders because they always get left out of the trips that happen during school time.

 

I just wish she'd just collected the olders and left! She intentionally walked all the way across the yard to where the two youngers were looking out the open window and made the comment. Completely unnecessary and only done to assuage her guilt at leaving them here. They would have been fine but the extra comment just increased the distress.

 

4yo recovered when I got a special snack out (choc. frosting on animal crackers) and let him watch an episode of Redwall. In fact, I think he's actually enjoying not having older brothers bossing around his playtime :)

[higginszoo]

Ugh, sometimes Grandmas don't get it.

 

My m-i-l is a wonderful grandma, but she has done things like this to me, too. she doesn't mean to at the time, but it does put me in some interesting conundrums. The biggest was when the kids were not quite 2 1/2 and 16 mo, and I was on 'bedrest' (right), 30-something weeks pg with #3. She decided that she was taking them to her sister's farm. Day of, it snowed and she decided that she could only really handle the oldest, and so I had to manage the younger toddler (who was a handful and a half) without her brother to help entertain her all day, and ended up in the hospital with contractions (with the younger toddler, because we had nowhere for her to go), until she dropped the older toddler off there (dh just left and took them home at that point).

[UnsinkableKristen]

Oh, that's really not the trouble. She is a very good grandma and the youngers go to her house at least once week for Grandma preschool. In fact, today's trip was intentionally planned to include the olders because they always get left out of the trips that happen during school time.

 

 

She sounds pretty awesome :001_smile:

[momma aimee]

I'm a grandma, and you're joking, right? :confused:

 

And, i guess after everyone else weighs in, we'll know whether or not you are indeed as you labeled yourself.:tongue_smilie:

 

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

[Tenaj]

:iagree:

 

The comment would bother me because it feeds into the "if one person gets something special, everyone must" mentality that drives me nuts.

 

Exactly! It's o.k. for one or two kids to do something without everyone else needed to be entertained or to pout about it. I was an excellent pouter when I was a kid and I don't want my kids to have to fight their way out of that habit when they get older.

 

I've never fed into the idea that what one gets, they all get! It's impossible with the age ranges we have. I had already planned to spend extra time with the youngers because of this planned trip . . . it just turned into a mess because of her comment. My 4yo turned around to me to see if I'd hired a clown :) His expectations of the day hit the clouds when Grandma implied something special because she's always so creative in the way they spend time with her. I cannot compete without making a trip to the zoo or something equally exciting and that wasn't on the docket today.

 

I know Grandma wasn't trying to be difficult and she was probably the kind of Mom that really made an effort to plan something special for the other when one had plans but, to be perfectly honest, I was looking forward to a catch-up-on-the-chores kind of day.

[Tenaj]

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

Really? If you have a 11yo and a 4yo, the 11yo is never allowed to go and do something without the other?

 

I had a neighbor like that once. Her daughter was my dd's age so we would invite her to special occassions (a trip to the fair or amusement park). She was never allowed to go unless her 4yo brother was invited. I had enough littles that I didn't want to keep track of another so the girl never got to go with us. We eventually quit inviting her because it seemed so unfair.

 

My issue isn't with the split of the kids . . .I can deal with that . . . the extra comment just made it more dramatic than it needed to be.

[MariannNOVA]

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

I have five - ranging in age from 33 to 11. I have two grand daughters with number three expected literally any minute.

 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree.

 

fwiw, if my MIL paid any attention to any of her grandchildren, I'd fall over from the shock of it.

[fairfarmhand]

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer.

[Juniper]

She sounds pretty awesome :001_smile:

 

:iagree:She sounds like a wonderful Grandmother, who probably should have left that last little comment out. ;)

 

I envy you! I wish my children had a grandmother like you have described.

 

Now, the 4yr old and I would be chanting, "If life was fair, ducks would have guns." :D

[Tenaj]

:iagree:She sounds like a wonderful Grandmother, who probably should have left that last little comment out. ;)

 

I envy you! I wish my children had a grandmother like you have described.

 

Now, the 4yr old and I would be chanting, "If life was fair, ducks would have guns." :D

 

I love it! I can't wait to be able to use that saying . . . I'm guessing I'll have another opportunity before the end of the day :)

 

She is a wonderful grandma (most of the time) :)

[justLisa]

there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer.

 

That is so true. Mine are only 2 years apart.

 

I cannot imagine having kids 10 years apart and trying to make sure everyone gets the exact same attention. You can do different things with different kids.

[MariannNOVA]

there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer.

 

That is so true. Mine are only 2 years apart.

 

I cannot imagine having kids 10 years apart and trying to make sure everyone gets the exact same attention. You can do different things with different kids.

 

:D My mom was buying a wedding gown for one of her grand daughters and cribs for the twins I was pg with.....all in the same weekend.

[Ellesmere]

I totally see the frustration about the remark that was made on the way out. It wasn't necessary. It doesn't sound like it was made on purpose to cause difficulty. But my mom will take one child out for me and expect that I plan to take it easy with whoever stays home, so she would not raise expectations for the child at home. I'd be surprised and not to thrilled if she had made a departure like that.

 

My kids are not far apart in age -- just enough that they can't always do every outside activity together. They both enjoy "dates" with any one of us. They know that my mom will come by for just one of them or both. None of us keep score (the youngest doesn't really notice anyway) and I appreciate it. It would be a lot of work for her to take both every single time. I can't imagine imposing a rule that both kids must go every time a grandparent wants a visit or offers to take one out. I'd only be upset if there were obvious favoritism.

 

It's actually been a huge help since it means my oldest has been able to do things that were too much for the youngest. My youngest thrives on individual attention, so a date with just me or just one of my parents is gold to her.

[fairfarmhand]

:iagree:She sounds like a wonderful Grandmother, who probably should have left that last little comment out. ;)

 

I envy you! I wish my children had a grandmother like you have described.

 

Now, the 4yr old and I would be chanting, "If life was fair, ducks would have guns." :D

she sounds like the kind of Grandmother that my mom would have been if she had lived. I envy you too.

[tabrizia]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

Erm no, as long as Grandma treats them all fairly, and that does not mean taking them all out to do something at the same time, especially if there is a large age spread, then Grandma is more then welcome to spend time with the kids as it works for her and the parents.

 

That being said, Grandma's fun comment would have annoyed me as well. Since I probably won't have been planning anything overly fun with the younger two either. It won't have been a huge deal, but it would have been annoying since I probably would have come up with some sort of fun treat to do then that wasn't planned.

 

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

Your kids are 2 years apart. My kids are 2 years apart. Grandma will still sometimes take two of them or even just one to do something and then do something fun with the other, or others later. They are much easier to take together when they are only 2 years apart I agree. That being said even the 4 year age spread and the ages mine are can make it hard to come up with a good activity to do with all 3.

 

My Dad took the oldest to a hockey game last winter. The other two went to bed to early for it to be a good option for them, plus neither had an interest in it, especially the baby who was 11 months at the time. Last week my parents took the two youngest to their lake house a day before DS1 went. Yes DS1 was doing something fun with us, which in retrospect he would have liked the lake better, but that is another story, but they split up. The younger two got to do something that they would enjoy and the eldest got to do the special event that he would like. My Mom takes DS1 and his older cousin to the movies sometimes, DD hasn't gone with them yet because she wasn't developmentally ready for a movie at the time. My Mom takes DD shopping and DD has a ton of fun doing it, the other two may occasionally want to come, but most of the time it is a fun Grandma and DD time.

 

Just like each child in my house is treated differently based on their needs, abilities and wants, I expect the Grandparents to do the same. I also totally believe in one on one Grandparent time, I think it gives a great bond between the child and their Grandparent, and I figure that as long as the Grandparent doesn't play favorites, everyone will get special time at some point or another with their Grandparent, it doesn't have to be completely equal.

[Ibbygirl]

I have five - ranging in age from 33 to 11. I have two grand daughters with number three expected literally any minute.

 

 

 

That would be hard to find a single activity that included everyone equally that they all could enjoy, especially if you have an infant with you. I can see taking some of the grand kids to do an activity with grandma that is age appropriate that they will enjoy and leaving the others who wouldn't like it at home or somewhere else doing their own fun activity with mom or grandpa or someone else. I think there should be something fun and age appropriate for them to do as well though while the others are gone so they don't feel left out.

 

OP I'm sorry you mom put you on the spot like that. That's great that she is involved with the kids, but she could have given you a little warning. I like Jean's cookie idea. :) or maybe a trip a pond or something to feed the ducks and turtles?? 4 years old love that kind of thing IME. :grouphug::grouphug:

[lovinmyboys]

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

 

You know that likely you will be the MIL one day and have to try your best to meet all the demands to see grand kids. I am the mom of four boys and when I listen to moms talk about all their rules for grand kids, I get nervous thinking about my future. FWIW, I think having a good relationship with extended family is fabulous for kids and something I wouldn't put an end to unless absolutely necessary.

[justamouse]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ?

 

 

Is this a rhetorical question?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Biggers get to be biggers, little get to be littles. They will grow bigger one day and then, too, be able to join in the gramma fun.

 

Gramma wasn't thinking. No big deal, make something up. Then, when she gets back, say to her, "Next time remind me to have something planned for those left behind!"

Edited September 7, 2012 by justamouse

[Danestress]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

 

 

if you think I am going to send you the "Board B@@ch" sash and tiara. It's mine, I earned it, you can't have it:)

 

But actually, in this case, I am wearing my Glenda the Good Witch hat because I would definitely let Gma take two kids at a time. My MIL loved one on one time with my kids, and they loved it too. They remember those times so fondly now, and I don't think anyone is still harboring jealously about the times they were left behind.

 

Gmas get older and tired, and 8 kids can just be too much. Even for Mom sometimes!

[bobbeym]

there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm 8-9 years older than my brothers, who are only 15 months apart. I would have been royally ticked at my parents if I'd had to miss out on every special event or field trip just because my little brothers weren't invited. My brothers, on the other hand, fought like crazy until late in their teen years because they were always lumped together for most functions because of their close ages.

 

My own boys are 4.5 years apart. There have been plenty of occassions where they've done their own thing, either with the grandparents or without. They are very different people with different interests and hobbies and long ago learned that it's better to do things separately sometimes.

 

I can only imagine how much whining I'd have to endure if my musician had to spend all day at the card shop with the gamer, or the gamer had to go to a concert. :lol:

[Ibbygirl]

if you think I am going to send you the "Board B@@ch" sash and tiara. It's mine, I earned it, you can't have it:)

 

But actually, in this case, I am wearing my Glenda the Good Witch hat because I would definitely let Gma take two kids at a time. My MIL loved one on one time with my kids, and they loved it too. They remember those times so fondly now, and I don't think anyone is still harboring jealously about the times they were left behind.

 

Gmas get older and tired, and 8 kids can just be too much. Even for Mom sometimes!

 

Your post had me :lol::lol::lol: I agree that it can be a lot on grandma if there are lots of kids especially younger ones. I don't see anything wrong with grandma taking some of the kids and leaving others behind.

[Julie in CA]

and you are taking three grandkids on a field trip that the two youngest cannot participate in . . . please DO NOT come to the window and tell the already tearful 4yo that "I hope Mom has something special for you to do while we're gone". Then pull out of the driveway, leaving two preschoolers looking at Mom waiting for her to come up with something spectacular to make up for the fact that they can't go with Grandma.

 

Now, 4yo is in his room howling with rage that, well, we really don't have something planned that meets with his expectations (or grandma's). I'll limit myself to a long Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . . . . . . .

Grandma gets a cheer from me for taking kids on a field trip. She's a champ, and did nothing wrong and plenty right.

 

Mom needs to be WAY more matter-of-fact and tell the youngers how their day will be, without fanfare or guilt, and they will have their fun another day.

 

Sorry mom, but imo, you're being super-sensitive and choosing to see an offense where there really wasn't.

[swellmomma]

Gramma shouldn't have said to the younger that she hoped mommy had planned something. But I see no problem with the bigs going with gramma without the littles and vice versa. In a typical family eventually it all evens out. My littles are in disneyland right now, but my bigs are home doing school. 4 years ago it was my bigs that went and my littles stayed home.

 

This summer, 1 daughter spent 2 weeks in BC(after being gone for 6 weeks), 1 son was away for a month and the other 2 stayed home and played here. We didn't have something special planned for the whole time they were gone.

 

It is what it is. If I had family close enough by to take my big kids out for an activity suited to their age (such as paintballing) leaving me home with the little ones too young for such an activity I would have no problem with it and would not likely have special plans beyond getting some deep cleaning done. I also would have no problem with the little one being taken out to a place that is just for littles that the bigs are too old/big for. Such as the coffee shop that has a playland for kids under 6 and they really discourage kids older than 6 being in the place at all. etc.

 

I just don't think gramma should have gotten the hopes up of younger by saying mom would do something special, it's not fair to mom or younger to do that. Simply taking just the bigs was fine imo.

[brehon]

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

I don't necessarily think you're a b$tch; I just think you haven't experienced the same issues as those of us with larger age spans between children have. Your boys are very close in age and can probably realistically do most things together. There is a 9 year age difference between my eldest son (11) and youngest daughter (2). What wouldn't be fair would be to limit my olders' activities because they're not appropriate for younger children. And it is entirely developmentally appropriate for the olders to have their own "things" (and I don't mean stuff).

 

And it works both ways, too. Dh took the youngest two (5 & 2) on a special outing just for them; olders weren't allowed to go because where dh went was geared for younger kids.

 

I can't tell from your signature whether you're expecting or not; but, if you are (or will be soon) there will be at least a 7 year age difference between your eldest and youngest. I can't imagine that at that point you'd prevent your son from having special, age appropriate outings simply because your youngest is too young to participate. That wouldn't be fair.

[swellmomma]

Is this a rhetorical question?

 

Biggers get to be biggers, little get to be littles. They will grow bigger one day and then, too, be able to join in the gramma fun.

 

Gramma wasn't thinking. No big deal, make something up. Then, when she gets back, say to her, "Next time remind me to have something planned for those left behind!"

 

:iagree:especially the bolded. The first question made me :lol: too ;)

[KungFuPanda]

It sounds like grandma tried to sooth a tearful preschooler and botched it BIG TIME. Her heart is in the right place. I think it's a bit harsh to tell an older woman that if she can't handle five kids in public, then she can't do anything with any of them.

 

A preschoolers version of special can be weird. I'd go the easy route and declare a Pajama Party. Make a big deal of keeping it from the big kids. Wear pjs and watch Finding Nemo while reclined on sleeping bags in the LR. Serve popcorn for lunch. Or just go out to lunch with the two little kids. Maybe let the little ones 'make dinner' for the family.

 

What do you do with them when they feel left out and it has nothing to do with Grandma?

[lynn]

Make a tent over a table, bring a flashlight, a bunch of books and a "special snack" and you have an amazing treat for a 4 year old.

Edited September 7, 2012 by lynn

[MariannNOVA]

Make a tent over a table, bring a flashlight, a bunch of books and a "special snack" and you have an amazing treat for a 4 year old.

 

:iagree:

[Mommy22alyns]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

Yeah, I think you probably are. Grandma's trying and there are a lot of kids to handle. Making something special for a 4yo is easy. Check out Pinterest. Maybe some pumpkin pie scented playdough?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

That leaves the olders missing out because the littles are too little.

 

What I had rathered the Gmom had done was say 'next Tuesday is your turn. I've got big plans for you.'

 

:iagree: and with MariannNOVA but I stink at multi-quoting.

[Mommy22alyns]

there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer.

 

This too.

[Remudamom]

And sing "Picnic Time for Teddy Bears" while you are eating cookies!

[MariannNOVA]

here is a simple super easy thing to do (and i love the pumpkin scented play doh). Glue raisins on pieces of paper and let dc use the raisin as the starting point to make pictures. say, a butterfly, a bunny, glue a bunch of raisins and maybe connect with lines to draw a kite.

 

My sister used to let my niece wash the dishes in the kitchen sink -- you would have thought you had taken her to disney!

 

 

 

 

 

That leaves the olders missing out because the littles are too little.

 

What I had rathered the Gmom had done was say 'next Tuesday is your turn. I've got big plans for you.'

 

:iagree: and with MariannNOVA but I stink at multi-quoting.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Update, DA: Grand daughter #3 could be here as early as tomorrow but if not, then definitely monday afternoon.:D

Edited September 7, 2012 by MariannNOVA

[Mrs Mungo]

ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything.

 

there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now

 

not kidding.

 

i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out.

 

IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out --

 

dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow

 

Wow. Really? You have to take EIGHT kids, ranging in ages from THREE to NINETEEN or you don't get to take any of them, ever? The OP's family situation is VERY different from your own. I think you should remember that.

 

Plus, I HAVE a Passive-Agressive-MIL and that's not what PA looks like. I think the grandma in question was trying to feel less guilty/to make the youngers feel better and just didn't think. We all do things without thinking sometimes.

[Ibbygirl]

Wow. Really? You have to take EIGHT kids, ranging in ages from THREE to NINETEEN or you don't get to take any of them, ever? The OP's family situation is VERY different from your own. I think you should remember that.

 

Plus, I HAVE a Passive-Agressive-MIL and that's not what PA looks like. I think the grandma in question was trying to feel less guilty/to make the youngers feel better and just didn't think. We all do things without thinking sometimes.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Mrs. Mungo, do you ever get tired of me agreeing with everything you say? :D