MariannNOVA Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Wow. Really? You have to take EIGHT kids, ranging in ages from THREE to NINETEEN or you don't get to take any of them, ever? The OP's family situation is VERY different from your own. I think you should remember that. Plus, I HAVE a Passive-Agressive-MIL and that's not what PA looks like. I think the grandma in question was trying to feel less guilty/to make the youngers feel better and just didn't think. We all do things without thinking sometimes. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Mrs. Mungo, do you ever get tired of me agreeing with everything you say? :D well, when she gets tired of you agreeing with her, she can take a rest from you and get tired of me agreeing with her.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 :iagree::iagree::iagree: Mrs. Mungo, do you ever get tired of me agreeing with everything you say? :D NEVER! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 well, when she gets tired of you agreeing with her, she can take a rest from you and get tired of me agreeing with her.;) :lol::lol::lol: I don't know about you Mariann, but i get excited when someone agrees with me. It happens so rarely. I always feel like I should have a party or something to commemorate it. Maybe print the post out and frame it on the wall or something. :D hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 NEVER! :lol: Good to know. I don't want to be annoying, but seriously, every time you open your mouth woman (or rather your fingers :D) I need to whip out this little guy ---> :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 ok am i the only b&&*h here that thinks -- grandma gets no more activities with the olders ? either she can include them all or she can just not do anything. there are times i am glad my MIL is a self imposed invalid. but even if she wasn't -- I'd end the "leaving anyone out" trips right now not kidding. i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out. IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out -- dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow There is a 5-year age gap between my oldest and middle, and a two year gap between the last two. On top of that, there is a the wildly varied interests of each girl. It's not like the grandma said "I'm leaving you at home because you're a horrid brat"... THAT would get the granny zero future visits with any children of mine. I can imagine my mom saying something like that (what OP's granny said) as a poorly-phrased wish that the others had something fun to do because she felt bad they couldn't come too. I actively seek out ways for my girls to do different activities- I send them off with like-minded friends, and we invite a friend with a similar interest to join one of mine on a particular outing. Works great! And yes, we still so some activities together as a family, and support each other in major events- dance recitals, karate belt tests, volleyball tournaments. But no child is forbidden to do activities a sibling cannot or does not wish to do, and rarely is a child forced to go along with the sisters. They spend plenty of time together- even share a room and occasionally all pile onto a big bed and fall asleep watching movies. I think a few hours apart to explore individual interests is great for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 :lol::lol::lol: I don't know about you Mariann, but i get excited when someone agrees with me. It happens so rarely. I always feel like I should have a party or something to commemorate it. Maybe print the post out and frame it on the wall or something. :D hehe :iagree: :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I think maybe Grandma just wasn't thinking, it happens;). FWIW, I took my 3yo granddaughter shopping with me last week, 4yo and 19mo gsons were much happier with daddy. A few days later, when daddy (my son) had been out of town all week, I picked up the 4yo grandson and brought him home with me so my pregnant dil could nap when the 3yo and 19mo took their naps (4yo doesn't nap anymore). If I had to take all three with me anytime I wanted to spend time with them, it wouldn't get done very often for various reasons. We will have all three grandchildren tomorrow when their parents attend a wedding several hours away. And I will probably be comatose by bedtime:tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I think maybe Grandma just wasn't thinking, it happens;). FWIW, I took my 3yo granddaughter shopping with me last week, 4yo and 19mo gsons were much happier with daddy. A few days later, when daddy (my son) had been out of town all week, I picked up the 4yo grandson and brought him home with me so my pregnant dil could nap when the 3yo and 19mo took their naps (4yo doesn't nap anymore). If I had to take all three with me anytime I wanted to spend time with them, it wouldn't get done very often for various reasons. We will have all three grandchildren tomorrow when their parents attend a wedding several hours away. And I will probably be comatose by bedtime:tongue_smilie:. I think you are great!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 not kidding. i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out. IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out -- dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow :confused: I think special one-on-one time for each kid is awesome. Grandma does special things for the littles, too. Sounds like a very thoughtful grandma.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Before my dad died, he did some special things with my three oldest children. He would often spend the might so that he could drive my son to his music lessons or band practice and give me a little break. He arranges sewing lessons for my middle daughter, and took her on several evenings out such as "Dinner with the Tzars" at the Natural History Museum. I could not believe it when he helped my oldest build some chicken coops. He was already terminally I'll, and in pain, yet he sat out there in our brutal Texas heat working with her. None of those things would have been possible if all of my children had been included. My sister often takes one kid to visit her house for a week. Since she can't handle all of them, should they have to stay home? I've gone so far as to tell my best friend that she can bring a present for one of my children, even when she does not have presents for all. She is often out, and finds a book or piece of art that reminds her of one of my children. She can get it without trying to find something for the others. None of my children have ever gotten upset about this. They are secure, and have their needs met, so they are genuinely happy when something nice happens for a sibling, even if they, themselves are not included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 :lol::lol::lol: I don't know about you Mariann, but i get excited when someone agrees with me. It happens so rarely. I always feel like I should have a party or something to commemorate it. Maybe print the post out and frame it on the wall or something. :D hehe :iagree: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I think you are great!:001_smile: Aww, Thanks Mariann. I think you are pretty great yourself;). My husband and my 11yo twin sons are wonderful helpers. I certainly don't have to do it all by myself. We had a great day, kids were well behaved and they were safely tucked in their beds by the time Mommy and Daddy came home.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 :iagree::iagree::iagree: Mrs. Mungo, do you ever get tired of me agreeing with everything you say? :D I almost always agree with her as well. I usually just wait for her to post and then agree.Sshe always says things so much better than I would myself anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Wow. Really? You have to take EIGHT kids, ranging in ages from THREE to NINETEEN or you don't get to take any of them, ever? The OP's family situation is VERY different from your own. I think you should remember that. Plus, I HAVE a Passive-Agressive-MIL and that's not what PA looks like. I think the grandma in question was trying to feel less guilty/to make the youngers feel better and just didn't think. We all do things without thinking sometimes. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinsfamily Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Jan, I am often guilty of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm glad that you were able to save the day with frosting. My favorite thing about 4yos is that they are pretty low maintenance with "special activities." My 4yo would just love it to be the oldest in the house for a few hours and play video games with mom without pesky older brothers telling us we're doing it wrong and then to sit and read Pete the Cat 300 times in a row. not kidding. i am a mom, not a grandma, but my mom never takes one and leaves the other -- she takes them both or does whatever with both -- no leaving one out. IMO if a grandma is going to take only part of the kids, she needs to see to it that the other kids have a better option (ie grandpa or aunt or someone) so that no one feels left out -- dropping it on mom is such a passive agreeive way is out of bounds and something i'd not allow there is a huge difference between having 2 kids within a couple years of one another and having 4 or 5 or 6 kids spanning 10-12 years. My oldest is TEN years older than her youngest sibling, so we have to divide and conquer. :iagree: I only have 4 dc, all boys, with not quite 7 years between the oldest and youngest. My 4 can easily overwhelm their grandparents. Plus, my 1yo and 8yo do not share the same interests. It just doesn't make sense to always take all 4 to some places. Besides that, dh and I have found that it is beneficial to take our kids out in small groups or individually. It is nice to have different interactions with them and they love the attention. One of ds6's favorite activities is to go to the grocery store with dad by himself. Nope, it's not Disney or ice cream, but he gets to spend one-on-one time with dad, be a big helper, and ride is dad's cool 1999 Altima (oh, the joy:lol:). What more could a 6yo ask for? We try not to fall into the fairness trap. Instead of being 'fair,' we strive to do what's best for each. Sometimes that includes disappointment which is okay too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllBoys Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 You are so lucky to have a mom who is willing to spend time with your children. I think when you aren't used to having little children it is probably a little overwhelming taking them and she just wasn't thinking. It sounds like it was a mistake. Also, maybe she thinks you are such a great mom you would have something special planned. I guess she thinks pretty highly of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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