Can I just say that I'm disgusted with how quickly girls grow up these days...

[MiniBlondes]

ETA: Although there is no nudity on the links that I posted, there is some suggestive language on a few. Please click at your own risk.

 

In the past year or so I've noticed that my 11 year old niece has had a few boyfriends. They post lovey-dovey messages to each other all over Facebook. They change their relationship status to married (changing their last names accordingly). They go on vacation together. They spend the night in each others houses. They post inappropriate images of themselves posing suggestively in bikinis. They post things like this, and this, and this, and this, and this.... and well.. you get the picture.

 

 

:confused: I'm really confused. Am I an old fuddy-duddy? I just think 11 is way way too young for this sort of behavior? Am I crazy? My daughter is 9. This sort of thing makes me want to lock her in a closet somewhere.

 

Maybe I'm just old or something. When I was 11 I still played with Barbie.

Edited August 24, 2012 by MiniBlondes

[TranquilMind]

ETA: Although there is no nudity on the links that I posted, there is some suggestive language on a few. Please click at your own risk.

 

In the past year or so I've noticed that my 11 year old niece has had a few boyfriends. They post lovey-dovey messages to each other all over Facebook. They change their relationship status to married (changing their last names accordingly). They go on vacation together. They spend the night in each others houses. They post inappropriate images of themselves posing suggestively in bikinis. They post things like this, and this, and this, and this, and this.... and well.. you get the picture.

 

 

:confused: I'm really confused. Am I an old fuddy-duddy? I just think 11 is way way too young for this sort of behavior? Am I crazy? My daughter is 9. This sort of thing makes me want to lock her in a closet somewhere.

 

Maybe I'm just old or something. When I was 11 I still played with Barbie.

It is a different world from when we were kids (and I'm a lot older, I suspect). Far different.

 

Keep a close eye on the friends of your kid. That's all I can say.

[catz]

Ok - I have an 11 year old boy and there is NO WAY I would allow that on FB. I won't let my DS have FB until 13 (and then I'll be monitoring it's use). Are her parents watching her page? Different strokes for different folks. I'm glad my DS doesn't know any kids like that. Just recently my son admitted there are girls he thinks are "cute". That seems age appropriate to me.

 

I still was playing with little girl stuff at 11 and I was academically WAY ahead. It almost seems like pretend play of a different kind. Really weird. I hope their get togethers are chaperoned.

[ktgrok]

oh my. People think I'm too modern because I allowed my 13 year old son to have a "girlfriend". But I monitor his facebook (have the password) and NOTHING like that went on. Ugh. Yuck!!!!!! They talked a bit on the phone, chatted some on facebook, and that was it. And that first picture thing you linked? NO WAY!

 

YUCK!

[Guest]

I did similarly when I was 11. Not that I'm recommending it; just saying it's not a "these days" issue IMO. There was no FB when I was 11, but we told jokes that would have been similar to those FB posts and wrote, "Danielle loves Stephen 4ever!!!" and other stupidity on our folders.

[OnTheBrink]

That's coming from 11 year olds?? :svengo:

 

Well, my dd's 14 and there is nothing remotely like that on her FB. If there were, I'd delete her account. End of story.

[JMDRAD]

I played with Barbies till I was 15 or so. :lol: Then I got married at 18. But anyways, I do agree that girls are growing up way too fast. That includes the Christian girls from "strict" families. It's really sad. :confused:

[Mommy22alyns]

Um, 11?!?!?! :svengo:

[K&Rs Mom]

It almost seems like pretend play of a different kind. Really weird. I hope their get togethers are chaperoned.

 

I think that's exactly it. They think this is how adults act, so it's like "playing house" but the possible consequences are so much more real. I don't think it's new, though. :(

[Pegasus]

Parents just aren't paying attention or mom's actually encouraging the behavior because they are living vicariously through their DDs and want them to be popular.

 

My DDs (12 and 15) seem in no hurry to grow up.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yikes. It's not the reason we started homeschooling, but it's another on the long list of reasons why I'm glad we are. I want my kids to be kids for as long as they want to, not for as long as their age-peers say they should, KWIM?

[IsabelC]

I think it's a fair point that kids are growing up younger these days. But I don't think it's fair to blame the kids. The message, both explicit and implicit, that the main aim for girls is to be f****-able, is so all pervasive that it takes a determined and proactive parenting approach to innoculate our children against it so that girls grow up with principles and self worth while boys learn to respect everybody as a person.

 

That said, it's hard to gauge what's going on from Facebook posts. All the examples you gave where copy and paste ones, which while they may not be age appropriate, may also not be reflective of their actual experience. Perhaps being "married" on Facebook is the modern equivalent of dressing in mom's high heeled shoes.

[Joshin]

Yep, I agree it went on back in the "dark ages," it just wasn't out there for the parents to see. Heck, Tom Sawyer was probably around 10 to 12 years old, and he was quite the player, first Amy then Becky, and that was 1876!

 

We said things like that and probably worse at 11, some girls had boyfriends (not that they would have ever dared tell their parents). We were good kids, but that's the age where we started testing boundaries and trying on what we perceived as adulthood. Most of the kids talked big, but most 'relationships' never went further than awkward kissing and hand holding. I'm sure a few kids went further than they should have, but for the majority it was just bump on the road to growing up.

 

The only issue now days is that companies cash in on this behavior with prosti-tot clothing lines and parents (in general) aren't as disapproving, so kids may push the line too far and do something they'll regret later.

[Rebel Yell]

My Dds are 17, 12, & 10. None have ever been on a date (or even been asked), had a boyfriend, or expressed interest in a boy- other than a very very mild crush, and some admiration/mild :drool5: at talented male dancers on SYTYCD. Diamond does wish for "real boys" to dance with- not just girl partners at Ballroom. SweetChild holds her own on a co-ed volleyball team, and BabyBaby has a collection of pictures of her flipping and throwing guys three times her weight at Karate.

 

I will not allow facebook for anyone under 13- it;s the facebook rule, we will not lie about their age just to have one, and I lose a little respect for people who allow and encourage their underage children to have one.

 

I'm sad for 11yos that think think what the OP described is cute and OK... what will be left for them to do when they get to middle school? High school? College?

 

Sure- we wrote his name and drew hearts on our notebooks... but co-ed sleepovers? vacations together? What is going to be special when/if they ever get married?

[butterflymommy]

It is a different world from when we were kids (and I'm a lot older, I suspect). Far different.

 

Keep a close eye on the friends of your kid. That's all I can say.

 

Maybe it's a regional thing, but when I was 11-12 (I'm 39) there were sexually active kids in our school. Most who were sexually active weren't having full blown intercourse until 13+ but there were 11 year olds doing pretty much everything else.

 

Somehow my kids have escaped this. I don't know how exactly, I'm sure the time we homeschooled didn't hurt, and they have little peer interaction outside of school. When I was young it was during all the unsupervised peer social times where kids got into trouble.

 

I'm not a prude but I'd like for my kids to be very late teens or out of their teens before they're having sex. I won't go bonkers if it's different, but that's my goal. I've seen so much early sexualizing in children and teens and experienced it myself. Not something I want for my kiddos.

[sparrow]

I'm 42 and when I was in 5th grade there were a number of "weddings" during recess ;). I don't think it's anything that new. Some girls (and guys) just seem wired that way. I did have such a crush on Donny Osmond, when I was about 7, it felt physically painful :rolleyes:.

 

That being said, my 11 yo wouldn't be on FB, I played with dolls until 8th grade, and my 10 yo's favorite toys are dolls.

[hillfarm]

I realize that there are exceptions, but IMO, most 11yo's who post things like the OP linked are a lot like dogs that chase cars. They put up a great show but aren't all that sure what they will do with the car when they finally catch one.

 

My dd is now 13yo, and other than guy friends and a couple of mild crushes that have played out mostly in her imagination, has little experience with relationships with the opposite sex. We have talked about this a good deal and I have told her that even though a preteen may be capable of physically carrying on a romantic relationship, that their emotions are still too undeveloped to really be able to enjoy it or even to truly understand it.

 

I have encouraged her to enjoy the preteen years as the last sweet respite from being so aware of and concerned about the opposite sex. When boys did call our house during those years, it was to discuss the most recent super hero character they were jointly creating.

 

One boy's mom told me that she had heard that my dd was quite popular with the boys. I held my breath and asked if she knew why. She giggled and told me that the word on the street was that the guys knew my dd would bait her own hook and was not afraid to poke dead things with a stick. Apparently in that age group in this area those were highly sought after characteristics in a girl.:tongue_smilie:

 

There's plenty of time to pursue dating relationships later in life, when both parties are mature enough to have a chance of understanding the dynamics and benefitting from the experience. IMO, 11 is way too young for that.

[sparrow]

I realize that there are exceptions, but IMO, most 11yo's who post things like the OP linked are a lot like dogs that chase cars. They put up a great show but aren't all that sure what they will do with the car when they finally catch one.

 

My dd is now 13yo, and other than guy friends and a couple of mild crushes that have played out mostly in her imagination, has little experience with relationships with the opposite sex. We have talked about this a good deal and I have told her that even though a preteen may be capable of physically carrying on a romantic relationship, that their emotions are still too undeveloped to really be able to enjoy it or even to truly understand it.

 

I have encouraged her to enjoy the preteen years as the last sweet respite from being so aware of and concerned about the opposite sex. When boys did call our house during those years, it was to discuss the most recent super hero character they were jointly creating.

 

One boy's mom told me that she had heard that my dd was quite popular with the boys. I held my breath and asked if she knew why. She giggled and told me that the word on the street was that the guys knew my dd would bait her own hook and was not afraid to poke dead things with a stick. Apparently in that age group in this area those a highly sought after characteristics in a girl.:tongue_smilie:

 

There's plenty of time to pursue dating relationships later in life, when both parties are mature enough to have a chance of understanding the dynamics and benefitting from the experience. IMO, 11 is way too young for that.

 

The bolded=AWESOME :D

[In the Rain]

Gosh, that just makes me sad. :( I have a dd who is about to turn 11 and that is definitely not what I want for her anytime soon.

[Dory]

One of the many reasons that I'm homeschooling my kids, is to keep them away from things like this and hopefully help them hold on to their childhood. By the time I was 13 I was fully s*exually active and sneaking out to parties. I don't want that lifestyle for my kids. Things like that on facebook I don't see as innocent. Many of them looked relatively harmless, but the one with the panties was disturbing for a child to have passed around. And the message it sends to the boys is downright scary.

[Archermomx3]

Yes, kids are growing up too fast. No, it's not ok. I try not to be too preachy with my three but I do emphasize that actions have consequences, whether positive or negative is up to them.

[MiniBlondes]

One of the many reasons that I'm homeschooling my kids, is to keep them away from things like this and hopefully help them hold on to their childhood. By the time I was 13 I was fully s*exually active and sneaking out to parties. I don't want that lifestyle for my kids. Things like that on facebook I don't see as innocent. Many of them looked relatively harmless, but the one with the panties was disturbing for a child to have passed around. And the message it sends to the boys is downright scary.

 

 

I can identify with much of what you've posted here. I hover on the line of wanting to protect my kids from that lifestyle and letting them be their own person. Luckily, they still think I'm cool at this point and that my opinion means something. But it won't be like that forever.

 

I should also add this. There was a post of my niece and her friend in bikinis posing suggestively and making the duck face. One boy commented on the picture, "ur cute. i'd give you the d." :eek: As far as her mother goes, this is my ex SIL and yes, she's constantly posting on the girls wall. So she's aware of the activity.

[Jennifer3141]

I think that is absolutely disgusting and no way will my kids be on FB until they are of the minimum age and I will be ALL over those pages. :lol::lol:

 

Since you know your nieces are underage, have you considered reporting them?

 

I was briefly FB friends with my brother's stepson. He was a cute kid but no way should he have been on FB. He was 10. I considered it awhile but then unfriended him. It made me uncomfortable seeing him around, even though I think he was primarily there to FV. It was just wrong. At 10, he should have been bike riding outside. :(

[Dory]

I can identify with much of what you've posted here. I hover on the line of wanting to protect my kids from that lifestyle and letting them be their own person. Luckily, they still think I'm cool at this point and that my opinion means something. But it won't be like that forever.

 

I should also add this. There was a post of my niece and her friend in bikinis posing suggestively and making the duck face. One boy commented on the picture, "ur cute. i'd give you the d." :eek: As far as her mother goes, this is my ex SIL and yes, she's constantly posting on the girls wall. So she's aware of the activity.

 

Things like that almost make me want to cry.

 

For my girlie I have encouraged her to develop relationships with other adult women that I trust, as I know that when she hits her teen years, she'll be more prone to listen to them than she will to me. I will NOT knowingly allow her to ever behave or dress in a way that is not modest and appropriate for her age. My boys would be in hot water too if I ever thought that they had treated or spoke to a girl in a way that was not respectful.

[mama2cntrykids]

Ok, for one thing, my 11.5 yr. old ds isn't isn't even allowed on fb. I don't even like him reading over my shoulder, in case of something inappropriate (which does come up now/then).

 

As for the boyfriend/girlfriend thing...ummm...NO WAY...you're 11 years old! Try me again when you're more mature and responsible. And SLEEPING at each-other's houses?? Seriously??? I'm not even going to go there..wtheck?

 

ETA: Oh wait, the girls are spending the night at each-others houses...not the boyfriends, right? Oops. That's better, but still the rest, no.

Edited August 24, 2012 by mama2cntrykids

[Bee Happy]

My 12 year old plays with Barbie. :tongue_smilie:

My friend's daughter is 9 and post half naked pics, curses, has boyfriends, talks about making out...etc. It's shocking. And disgusting.

 

My 14 year old doesn't play with Barbies, but she skipped this gross stage luckily.

[angela in ohio]

I do think it's sad. I see it, too, but it's so far outside my dds' experience and lifestyle that is just seems bizarre (to them and to me.)

 

My oldest has boys asking her out (especially one darling persistent one :lol:,) but she is spending this time on herself, her family, and others: education, volunteering, activities, etc. Even when she begins a romantic relationship (she says at the end of college, but we'll see,) I'm confident that it won't be like that. She's been raised to see herself as valuable in other ways.

[amy g.]

If we disregard my 18 year old who is uninterested in boys, I still have an almost 14 year old who does not wear makeup, dresses modestly by her own choice, and still plays with barbies.

 

There will be no growing up fast in this household. Childhood is all too fleeting as it is.

[Mommy22alyns]

My 12 year old plays with Barbie. :tongue_smilie:

My friend's daughter is 9 and post half naked pics, curses, has boyfriends, talks about making out...etc. It's shocking. And disgusting.

 

My 14 year old doesn't play with Barbies, but she skipped this gross stage luckily.

 

:svengo:

 

Rebecca still thinks boys are gross.

[Jenny in Florida]

I do think it's sad. I see it, too, but it's so far outside my dds' experience and lifestyle that is just seems bizarre (to them and to me.)

 

I don't know if I'm lucky or naive, but I don't see any of this stuff with my kids or their friends. And I'm Facebook friends with not only my two but several of their buddies. So, if it were happening online, I'd know.

 

(I did see one graphic that made me uncomfortable that was shared with a friend of my son's. However, I know his mom well, and I'm dead certain she quashed that super fast.)

 

It's so odd to me. I keep hearing about this kind of thing and reading about it, but I have never actually seen it in real life. It's not like my kids or their friends are especially sheltered. They're out in the world, keeping busy and meeting lots of people . . .

[angela in ohio]

I don't know if I'm lucky or naive, but I don't see any of this stuff with my kids or their friends. And I'm Facebook friends with not only my two but several of their buddies. So, if it were happening online, I'd know.

 

(I did see one graphic that made me uncomfortable that was shared with a friend of my son's. However, I know his mom well, and I'm dead certain she quashed that super fast.)

 

It's so odd to me. I keep hearing about this kind of thing and reading about it, but I have never actually seen it in real life. It's not like my kids or their friends are especially sheltered. They're out in the world, keeping busy and meeting lots of people . . .

 

I only see it because of what dh sees through the schools. We have learned so much over the years he has been involved in education. :001_huh:

[momacacia]

11yo girls should all be given ponies. Then they won't have time or energy for this boy nonsense. Caring for a pony can eat up a whole weekend, not to mention schoolnights.

[Pamela H in Texas]

My 19yo still has no interest in the opposite gender. She has been asked out. Boys have asked me if they could ask her out. Many people think she is the mother of some of our littles which royally upsets her because she hates people to think she's stupid and she is obviously not old enough to be the mother of any of our littles. Many people think she and her brother are a couple when they are out (how they can both "look just like" me and not look anything alike to others is beyond me).

 

My 17yo has had a very definite interest for almost 2 years. He usually tries to deny it. He knows that it isn't the right time, but he is a normal teen boy with interests (and she's a normal teen girl with interests!). They were silly, but not talking about love, forever, kissing, touching, sex, etc. I think my son has more sense than that (btw, girl does too). They would tell jokes (why did the pig cross the road?), useless trivia, put mustaches on photos, those sorts of things. Honestly, that sort of stuff seems healthy to me, just getting to know each other, harmless flirting, not putting each other in any position of concern, etc. The mother of the girl has ended almost all communication between them fearful it should go anywhere (I disagree with her method and reasoning).

 

I can SO see my 6yo being boy crazy fairly early. We're gonna hope not.

 

At 11, I was still very innocent. At 12, no. Hopefully, almost all this 11yo's stuff is just talk and for show rather than having any truth to it.

Edited August 24, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Canadianmumof5]

I blame the parents. Period.

[IsabelC]

11yo girls should all be given ponies. Then they won't have time or energy for this boy nonsense. Caring for a pony can eat up a whole weekend, not to mention schoolnights.

 

I like your thinking.

[SunnyDays]

When I was 12-13 years old and in middle school, I had "boyfriends" which meant that we sometimes walked to class together holding hands, danced together at school dances, and hung out at each others' houses with big groups of friends. Yes, there were kisses exchanged. ;) But man, I was pretty naive and I wouldn't have known what on earth to do beyond the kissing at that age, LOL!!

 

The "I love my boyfriend" image is pretty harmless, although again, it's still happening younger than when we did it. The panties picture? Holy carp.

 

My son is 9, and although he's had a few innocent crushes on little friends, it's mostly of the "if I married her someday" type. It wouldn't occur to him to ask a girl out or "flirt" with her. And it hasn't been that long since he even found out how babies are made, LOL!!

 

I just can't even fathom what most kids' high school experiences are like these days...

[justamouse]

I'm going to come in with a different theory that I only have personal, anecdotal evidence for.

 

My oldest daughter drank tons of milk, with the added hormones--because I didn't know about them back then. She was a bit chubby ( which is a predictor for early puberty) and then at 11, the fairy came. Full on hormonal blitz.

 

By the tine she was 15, her wisdom teeth were coming in, and the dentist blamed the hormones in the milk. That a kid her age shouldn't even be forming them yet.

 

My youngers drink tons of milk, without hormones, organic when I can. They are now 11, and thin as rails, no mosquito bites (pre-bOOks), nothing. No boy talk, no attraction to social puberty insanity.

 

I'm wondering if these kids out there just can't help it. Once the puberty button gets pushed, it's pushed, but I we, with our choices, pounding on it?

[Ruby Rose]

DD went to PS for K. It was ALL about having a boyfriend! Seriously, the teacher had to forbid them from having boyfriends. It got out of control. These were 5 year olds! So glad to be out of that peer pressure cooker!

[Joker]

I'm going to come in with a different theory that I only have personal, anecdotal evidence for.

 

My oldest daughter drank tons of milk, with the added hormones--because I didn't know about them back then. She was a bit chubby ( which is a predictor for early puberty) and then at 11, the fairy came. Full on hormonal blitz.

 

By the tine she was 15, her wisdom teeth were coming in, and the dentist blamed the hormones in the milk. That a kid her age shouldn't even be forming them yet.

 

My youngers drink tons of milk, without hormones, organic when I can. They are now 11, and thin as rails, no mosquito bites (pre-bOOks), nothing. No boy talk, no attraction to social puberty insanity.

 

I'm wondering if these kids out there just can't help it. Once the puberty button gets pushed, it's pushed, but I we, with our choices, pounding on it?

 

Then there are kids like me who drank tons of non-organic milk and didn't see the fairy until 14. I never had a weight problem either.

 

Dds drink organic milk and we eat very healthy. Oldest was visited by the fairy at 11. Younger will probably also since she's developing at a seemingly faster rate than older (younger is almost 5'4" and she's only 10). My MIL said she saw the fairy at 10. She's in her 70's and had a stay home mom who cooked everything from scratch. I know our food today is not as healthy, but I know several older women who started puberty much earlier than I did and ate very healthy.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm wondering if these kids out there just can't help it. Once the puberty button gets pushed, it's pushed

 

My daughter had precocious puberty (dx'd at 6). Though I'm positive that hormones don't *help* the issue, I really think that the extremity of the OP's post is pointing out personal, family, and societal issues instead. Just because a kid has hormones doesn't mean they have to be foolish with their heart and/or body. But they may need some guidance towards wholesome things and away from grownup things to make good choices for themselves. And then parents need to remember THEY are the parents when their kid is only 11!

 

ETA: Oh, and my mother carried on about hormones regarding the PP. Of course, that could have contributed, but we didn't *drink* milk, have always used less meat (1/2 pound where a pound was called for, for example), etc. And maybe that helped her slow the process (she was much slower than predicted, thankfully).

 

I do think we need to be careful not to suggest that drinking milk (or some such thing) rather than lack of guidance/boundaries (which is obvious based on the OP) is the issue here.

Edited August 24, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[justamouse]

My daughter had precocious puberty (dx'd at 6). Though I'm positive that hormones don't *help* the issue, I really think that the extremity of the OP's post is pointing out personal, family, and societal issues instead. Just because a kid has hormones doesn't mean they have to be foolish with their heart and/or body. But they may need some guidance towards wholesome things and away from grownup things to make good choices for themselves. And then parents need to remember THEY are the parents when their kid is only 11!

 

I don't disagree, society is a given, I'm wondering if we make it worse. There's hormones in so much of the water already, there's hormone precursors in the stuff we use (the lavender baby wash giving boys breast buds), the hormones in the meat and dairy--it can't all be OK. It has to be affecting us somehow. Are we making a hard situation worse?

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

DD went to PS for K. It was ALL about having a boyfriend! Seriously, the teacher had to forbid them from having boyfriends. It got out of control. These were 5 year olds! So glad to be out of that peer pressure cooker!

 

My best friend's public schooled daughter has been having crushes and dressing specifically for a special boy, wanting his attention, etc. since kindergarten. Lately it seems like she's hoping to have any boy like her. She asked ds5.5 to be her boyfriend and he said "yes" because he doesn't know that means anything other than friend-who-is-a-boy. But since then she's had a crush (according to her mother) on a boy in her class (1st grade.) I don't know what I'd do if she tried to kiss ds, though.

 

I was kissing boys in kindergarten, but I came from an abusive situation and I got zero positive and physical attention at home and I was looking for love. I talked to my friend about that and she says that her daughter gets plenty of positive male attention from her father. I think part of it is from encouraging her daughter to watch Hannah Montana and having her dress us as her etc. when/since she was 3. :glare:

[CyndiLJ]

Our daughters are 14 and 13, and we have three sons ages 13, 13 and 9. We started homeschooling when my 13 year old son was beginning 5th grade and our daughters weren't home yet. I was appalled at the behavior I saw from the 4th graders the year before...dating already, home alone with "friends" of the opposite sex, etc. I was told by one friend that I was a little crazy because I thought it was completely inappropriate to have a boy/girl dance in 6th grade. I don't get it, over and over again parents complain about the oversexualization of children today...and yet they encourage pairing up at young ages. Then they are surprised to discover what their children are doing. Not too hard to figure out.

 

Our son, when asked during his 6th grade year, if he thought he was missing out on something with the dances, etc. told me "Mom, other kids might be ready for that, but I am not and don't care at all. With homeschooling I don't have to pretend to be more grown up than I really am. I think most of my old friends are just pretending...if they were really grown up they wouldn't be wanting to do things with girls yet when they are too young." then he added "When I am older the girls will still be there." :001_smile:

 

Our daughters desperately needed to extend their childhood to make up for the one they never got to have in an orphanage. They needed to be able to explore younger kid activities without being made fun of or pressured to be more mature. Without homeschooling, they never would have had the chance to play with playdough and feel OK about it, or to play with Barbies a little without thinking they were going to be made fun of.

 

The thing is, for all the "growing up quickly" that is happening in the world today, what I see is that it is truly a false maturity. Our kids (generally homeschooled kids, not just mine) might at first glace appear to be less mature because they are playing games and doing what today is thought of as younger activities. But what I have noticed is that actually, these kids are far more mature in the ways that count...responsibility, self-reliance, appropriate behavior, adult interactions, etc.

 

Our kids will not have FB for a good long time, nor are they asking for it. They will not have their own email addresses to use for a good long time (though I have privately established them to email things to them for school, they have never used it for anything else). They will not have cell phones for a good long time, nor will they ever, while under 18, have complete privacy with their electronics and accounts...they have been warned that even if they purchase items themselves, if we have any concerns over content or interactions we have full rights to check things out, and pull electronic gear instantly if we feel it is warranted. Truth is, I trust them very much but I want it clearly understood where the boundaries are surrounding electronic equipment and its use. So far we have had not a single push about it at all. We might in the future, but I doubt it...they aren't often enough around the kid culture that makes them think they have to have certain things or be on FB.

 

Cindy

[Elizabeth in MN]

Hummm, how to respond. I found this thread while looking at my own. There is a lot that I agree with said in this thread - the kids shouldn't have Facebook accounts, no co-ed sleep overs, and the like.

 

But the thing for me is that our kids will at some point start to develop the loving and sexual side of themselves. From my experiences today I can say that it's really hard to parent our kids through it. Some parents shut down and ignore it, some greatly over react and scar their children for life. Finding the middle road and walking it is a challenge.

[Cammie]

I'm 42 and when I was in 5th grade there were a number of "weddings" during recess ;). I don't think it's anything that new. Some girls (and guys) just seem wired that way. I did have such a crush on Donny Osmond, when I was about 7, it felt physically painful :rolleyes:.

 

That being said, my 11 yo wouldn't be on FB, I played with dolls until 8th grade, and my 10 yo's favorite toys are dolls.

 

 

:iagree: I am 41 and I was the "pastor" at those weddings (since I was the preacher's daughter and all!) Now I don't remember any physical stuff going on in elementary school but we did have "boyfriend/girlfriend" talk and weddings!

[IsabelC]

Cyndi, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job with your children, and I'd be really proud of your son's attitude.

 

Elizabeth, I agree with you to a certain extent. It's a fact of life that humans are sensual/sexual beings from a young age, and that they will want to have safe opportunities to explore this facet of themselves. (And yes, it's not helpful for a parent who catches their teen kissing a girl on the hand to react as if it were a B&D group orggy!)

 

But when I hear about stuff like kinder age girls in prostitot outfits complete with pushup bras, middle school kids listing which girls give the best BJs and high school girls being ostracized for being virgins, I don't see these things having anything to do with healthy sexual development. I see it as part of the whole pornsumerist pressure that is threatening my kids.

Edited August 24, 2012 by Hotdrink

[Mrs Mungo]

Errr...have you read Romeo and Juliet? I agree that 9-11 is very young for that sort of thing today. But, the truth is, kids generally grow up much more slowly than in the past.

[LibraryLover]

Errr...have you read Romeo and Juliet? I agree that 9-11 is very young for that sort of thing today. But, the truth is, kids generally grow up much more slowly than in the past.

 

 

I read this whole thread looking for something like this.

Edited August 24, 2012 by LibraryLover

[IsabelC]

Yebbut there's still the disparity between physical and intellectual/emotional maturity isn't there? So instead of getting married at, say, 16, kids now are supposed to be sexually active by 16 but won't be independent and earning their living until somewhere between 20 and 30.

 

Ps - I was under the impression that R&J was fiction. Anyway, who knows what would have become of their one night stand if they'd had the tech to tweet and facebook about their marital status?

[Mrs Mungo]

Yebbut there's still the disparity between physical and intellectual/emotional maturity isn't there? So instead of getting married at, say, 16, kids now are supposed to be sexually active by 16 but won't be independent and earning their living until somewhere between 20 and 30.

 

Ps - I was under the impression that R&J was fiction. Anyway, who knows what would have become of their one night stand if they'd had the tech to tweet and facebook about their marital status?

 

Sure, it was fiction, but their ages were based in the reality of the times. I am reading a book right now titled, "The Time Traveler's Guide to the Middle Ages," which is why I was thinking about this. The population dropped by roughly half between 1300 and 1400, mainly due to disease. Half of the people die before agetwenty. Half of all of those who live to adulthood die before they reach age fifty. Roughly half of the population is under 21. Only 5% of the population is over 65. Medieval men are in their prime at twenty, mature at thirty and growing old by forty. People can serve on juries at twelve in some places. They start working at age 7. They can marry at age 14. They are required (if needed) to serve in the army at 15. At 16-20 many young noblemen are military battalion commanders. Today, battalion commanders are very young battalion commanders if they are 40. Chaucer has a famous quote calling a woman at thirty just, "winter forage."

 

Even more recently? My grandfather was picking cotton at 7.

 

We have delayed adulthood and lament that young adults get pregnant at the time of life that nature intended. OR lament that they don't grow up and take responsibility when they have never been expected to do it before. It is *now* that is sort of the weird time, really. That is all.