another PSA on staying in hospitals

[justamouse]

Make sure you have someone to stay with you 24/7. You need an advocate.

 

Ive been here two days with dd and I cant even imagine what would have happened had I not been.

[itsheresomewhere]

Make sure you have someone to stay with you 24/7. You need an advocate.

 

Ive been here two days with dd and I cant even imagine what would have happened had I not been.

 

After this is over and your DD is out, read Dr. Oz's book on being a patient. He stresses an advocate repeatedly.Hope she gets out soon.

[Harriet Vane]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I've got a few stories to tell as well. I will never, ever leave a loved one alone in the hospital if I can help it.

[Riverland]

Make sure you have someone to stay with you 24/7. You need an advocate.

 

.

 

:iagree:My sister is a nurse at a hospital and she says the same thing.

[Ellesmere]

:grouphug:

I worked in a hospital and I used to say it was like working in a certain restaurant. Once behind the scenes, the idea of being a customer was rather distasteful.

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I hope everything is OK with your dd -- I had no idea she was in the hospital! :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I hope everything is OK with your dd -- I had no idea she was in the hospital! :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :grouphug::grouphug:

[Pod's mum]

I averaged a couple of months a year living in hospital with my eldest for her first 10 years, I then would track back and fro with her little sister for the next 6, only staying over when things were extra bad, but regularly turning up, dragging her sister, day or night.

There were repeated scary, life-threatning incidents, many she had to deal with alone until I could arrive and suport her.

This coloured her decision to spend her last few months at home with no hospital.

If my other child gets sick I will NOT be going to the close by, state Children's Hospital.

Too too much bad history.

The hospital hated me there all the time and tried many nasty tactics to get rid of me.

I have seen their comments/reports.

Don't care.

She needed me.

 

We live in Australia. The lucky country. Her care cost us nothing and was the best available.

But was still subject to a few poorly trained and over worked nurses (most great), and wrongly written complicated drug sheets from new Registrars.

 

Even if things are well, if your kid/loved one is sick, they need you.

[elegantlion]

Okay, serious question. What do you do if the hospital is not set up for overnight guests?

 

My dh was in the hospital overnight recently. He was "well" enough to advocate for himself, but if needed they had one chair in the room. A regular sitting chair. There was a second empty bed. I assume they don't really want you crawling into a patient bed, or do they expect that if the hospital is not at capacity?

 

This is a small town hospital. Newer facility, just limited resources I'm sure.

[Soror]

I hope everything is OK with your dd -- I had no idea she was in the hospital! :grouphug:

 

:iagree::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Couldn't agree more. NEVER leave someone alone in a hospital.

Just went through this with my Mom, slept for 3 days in jeans and cowboy boots and thank God I was there.

Hope your dd is ok.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Okay, serious question. What do you do if the hospital is not set up for overnight guests?

 

My dh was in the hospital overnight recently. He was "well" enough to advocate for himself, but if needed they had one chair in the room. A regular sitting chair. There was a second empty bed. I assume they don't really want you crawling into a patient bed, or do they expect that if the hospital is not at capacity?

 

This is a small town hospital. Newer facility, just limited resources I'm sure.

 

I'd stay in the chair, honestly.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I've got a few stories to tell as well. I will never, ever leave a loved one alone in the hospital if I can help it.

 

My son has chronic illnesses and spends several nights a year in the hospital. I would never leave him alone. A strong willed, loud mouthed family member is with him at all times. (There is no shortage of those in my family, LOL)

 

Okay, serious question. What do you do if the hospital is not set up for overnight guests?

 

My dh was in the hospital overnight recently. He was "well" enough to advocate for himself, but if needed they had one chair in the room. A regular sitting chair. There was a second empty bed. I assume they don't really want you crawling into a patient bed, or do they expect that if the hospital is not at capacity?

 

This is a small town hospital. Newer facility, just limited resources I'm sure.

 

Sleep in the chair. I've brought air mattresses to hospital rooms. Try to find a way. I feel it's that important.

[NASDAQ]

I wish I had someone to stay with me in hospital. The birthing hospital is set up with the assumption that baby's father will be staying with mummy and baby, and they don't give always you ordinary help without a fight -- you SHOULD have Daddy there. But I need to marshal my resources to look after the existing kids, and Daddy needs to work.

 

Justamouse, I hope your daughter has a speedy recovery.

[Parrothead]

I'm sorry she is sick enough to be in the hospital. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:iagree:My sister is a nurse at a hospital and she says the same thing.

 

:iagree: My mom was a nurse on a med/surg floor before she retired, and she says the same thing, too.

[Annie]

Yep, my mom is a nurse too, and she has spent *many* nights in hospital chairs so people would have an advocate.

[TravelingChris]

Well fortunately, I was fully capable of looking after myself the times in 2009 and 2010, I was hospitalized. My dh had to work and also take care of the kids.

[Mom-ninja.]

You guys are scaring me.

[jelbe5]

My niece was born with spina bifida and also required a tracheotomy. At night she would sleep with a hose attached to the trach opening that connected to a machine that would mist the area.

 

During one of her many hospitalizations my sil came in to find the hose hanging over the bed railing. Water was pooling in the hose and running down into the trach opening. My niece could have drowned. My sil went off on the nurse who told her she did not have experience with that type of equipment. My sil never left her dd alone again at the hospital.

 

My niece is now 20, is driving, working and attending college.

[Carrie12345]

The last time I was in the hospital for non-baby stuff, dh did finally have to work for a few hours a day. Fortunately, I was getting better at that point, but it was terrifying. There was no room in any appropriate wings, so I had nurses walking in and out with very little understanding of why I was there. Not sure how that would have gone if I were still in a morphine haze!

[Amber in AUS]

Hugs. Horrible time having a loved one in hospital. When Possum was in NICU for 3.5m and it was so hard leaving him there. I spent as many hours as I possibly could being there for Dr rounds, nurse shift changes etc. I made sure everyone saw and the time I spent with my son. I had input on everything. Other parents you never saw and the Drs and nurses just did what they felt like. Their babies had no voice, it was very sad.

[Danestress]

Let's say your husband was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time.

 

Are you all telling me you think it's best for a mother to leave her kids with sitters for weeks at a time, sleeping on a chair at night and saying all day too so that her husband has someone with him 24/7?

 

This thread is sort of stressing me out. When my Dad had frequent hospitalizations, people loved to helpfully remind me that I should have someone with him 24/7. They all knew this because a nurse told them that hideous things happen if someone isn't there 24/7. And I really tried. I spent a lot of nights in his room - which almost always had a comfy recliner in it, btw. But still.....

 

The problem is, my children were at an age when they also needed someone 24/7. And there was just one of me.

 

If I am hospitalized for any length of time, I will make sure that my DH knows he does NOT Have to stay with me all the time, that I will be fine. That if I can't advocate for myself, I will trust the system a bit even if it's not perfect.

[wapiti]

I think it depends entirely on the patient (age, personality, etc.) and the patient's health situation (heavy meds, mobility, etc.).

 

For my kids, I stay, obviously. This just happened - two of them had back to back hospitalizations for pneumonia. For the first one, DH was out of town at the time dd was admitted. It was a huge pain logistically. Let's just say that it helps to have some babysitters to be able to call.

 

For my DH, who had brain surgery last winter, I stayed the first night, while he was still in ICU - he wasn't getting up yet, he needed someone to help with the drinking straw and the puke bowl. But after that, I slept at home, (a) so I could sleep, and (b) so I didn't have to have yet more babysitters at night. He was fine by himself at the hospital overnight. I spent the next day there, but then had a phone call from the school that ds had just thrown up in his classroom, of course :glare:. Fortunately my lovely neighbor picked him up (the hospital was a long drive). After that day, I only spent a couple hours at the hospital per day.

 

Certainly, when I was in the hospital for having babies, DH did not stick around - he had all the other kids. In that situation, there's no health issue that would impair my ability to advocate for myself and indeed I was happy for the peace and quiet.

 

So, it all depends...

Edited July 1, 2012 by wapiti

[*Lulu*]

Let's say your husband was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time.

 

Are you all telling me you think it's best for a mother to leave her kids with sitters for weeks at a time, sleeping on a chair at night and saying all day too so that her husband has someone with him 24/7?

 

This thread is sort of stressing me out. When my Dad had frequent hospitalizations, people loved to helpfully remind me that I should have someone with him 24/7. They all knew this because a nurse told them that hideous things happen if someone isn't there 24/7. And I really tried. I spent a lot of nights in his room - which almost always had a comfy recliner in it, btw. But still.....

 

The problem is, my children were at an age when they also needed someone 24/7. And there was just one of me.

 

If I am hospitalized for any length of time, I will make sure that my DH knows he does NOT Have to stay with me all the time, that I will be fine. That if I can't advocate for myself, I will trust the system a bit even if it's not perfect.

 

:grouphug:

I think it really depends on the state of the hospitalized person. When my great-grandmother was hospitalized just prior to her death we kept someone with her 24/7 because she was confused and there was another patient on the floor with the same name. When my grandmother was hospitalized for surgery we kept someone with her until she was no longer on morphine. It is also easier to do when there are multiple people who can take shifts.

[tabrizia]

Okay, serious question. What do you do if the hospital is not set up for overnight guests?

 

My dh was in the hospital overnight recently. He was "well" enough to advocate for himself, but if needed they had one chair in the room. A regular sitting chair. There was a second empty bed. I assume they don't really want you crawling into a patient bed, or do they expect that if the hospital is not at capacity?

 

This is a small town hospital. Newer facility, just limited resources I'm sure.

 

You can ask a lot of the time they will have sleep chairs that they will bring in for a parent staying overnight with their kid.

 

Not the most comfortable thing, but not the worst either.

 

That being said we did not stay with DS 24/7 when he was in the hospital, in the first few weeks we would leave for half an hour to an hour when he was asleep to get a small break/food. At his rehab hospital the therapists encouraged parents to take time for themselves. We never left DS alone for longer then 4 or 5 hours, and never alone at night, but we would leave him for short periods of time. To be fair though at that point in time, he was on no medicines and had next to no restrictions on his mobility or anything else, so leaving him to play with the volunteers at the playroom and go to therapy wasn't a major issue.

 

That being said if it was me or DH in the hospital and we were well enough to advocate for ourselves, the other one likely would be at home with the kids, because while we have a lot of support, we don't have anyone that can really watch all 3 overnight for us in close proximity.

[justamouse]

Okay, serious question. What do you do if the hospital is not set up for overnight guests?

 

My dh was in the hospital overnight recently. He was "well" enough to advocate for himself, but if needed they had one chair in the room. A regular sitting chair. There was a second empty bed. I assume they don't really want you crawling into a patient bed, or do they expect that if the hospital is not at capacity?

 

This is a small town hospital. Newer facility, just limited resources I'm sure.

 

I stayed in the same clothes for three days, and slept in the chair. I brushed my teeth with my fingers and her toothpaste, washed myself with the bathroom towels and soap. Yup, I was not pretty. The bed was open next to me, but I needed to be able to hear her whisper.

 

She was in for a scheduled Laninectomy. She developed a bulging disk around CHristmas and was starting to get nerve damage.

 

Here's the thing. I had one done, and so did my mother, so we *know* this surgery.

 

Her surgery went fine, it was the aftercare that was a nightmare. (what is with these young nurses who don't know how to stand up to the Drs???? Older, experienced nurses who know how to care for people-oh where have you gone? These nurses were about 25.)

 

They started her on valium (for spasms) and percoset for pain. Percoset does NOT work for us. I told them, but her blood pressure was too low for anything else and we couldn't let her bottom out, so that's what she got. She spent the next three hours crying because of the pain. I demanded that she get dilaudid. That ALL of our blood pressures are that low, and she cannot be crying in pain. Thankfully, an excellent nurse came in and got it taken care of. Next shift, next nurse wants to only give her percoset. And around and around we go.

 

I asked for an ice pad -like the ones my mom and I had, that pump ice water through them so the incision doesn't get inflamed. It's a life saver, that ice. You can almost go without pain meds with it.

 

On the second day it got ugly.

 

My mom had to go down to the nurses station, tell them how long SHE was a nurse and tell them to get on the phone with the Dr and order one.

 

(really, that was the Drs fault, and as good as he is for surgery, his aftercare is abysmal. He should have had all of that on her orders. He's not the original Dr I wanted to go to, but it was all my insurance could get me.)

 

We got her hooked up, and within an hour she was asking for food, and cracking a joke or two. Just from ICE. Is that too much to ask? Well, they'd never done their Lammys like that. Well guess what? The better hospitals do.

 

After the ice, things started to turn around and she was able to recover enough to get up to go to the potty and such.

 

BUT, had I not been there, she wouldn't have been able to eat-no one would have been able to help her. She wouldn't have been able to get to the bathroom, they only gave the pain meds when she asked. There was a million things that I had to do because you'd poke your head out the door and saw NO ONE. She would be crying in pain and her nurse was off the floor, and we'd have to wait 15 minutes for them to show up, or another nurse would have to get it but it would take forever, and when a kid is crying in pain, 20 minutes is an eternity. 20 minutes just to GET The meds, then another 20 for them to kick in--it was hell. She cried for hours.

 

You can't leave them. There were two men there without family and they had to scream for the nurses. And the floor was NOT full!

 

I woke UP from anesthesia on the icepacks. I was walking without a walker in one day and I never took percoset or anything but ibuprofen after my surgery because the aftercare was superb.

[Mommyof4ks]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I've got a few stories to tell as well. I will never, ever leave a loved one alone in the hospital if I can help it.

 

:iagree: I was shocked at the number of kids who did not even have visitors let alone someone to stay with them when my son was there. After several mishaps there is no way I would trust anyone to care for a family member alone.

[The Girls' Mom]

.

[The Girls' Mom]

We learned that the hard way...my dh had a horrendous experience after his emergency colonectomy. I didn't think I needed to stay, but found out quickly that his care diminished exponentially when I wasn't not there. I was able to leave him some after his resection, but we were in a much better hospital.

 

Some times there is no way around having to leave...but if you can get someone to stay, it really is best.

[elegantlion]

I'd stay in the chair, honestly.

 

My son has chronic illnesses and spends several nights a year in the hospital. I would never leave him alone. A strong willed, loud mouthed family member is with him at all times. (There is no shortage of those in my family, LOL)

 

 

 

Sleep in the chair. I've brought air mattresses to hospital rooms. Try to find a way. I feel it's that important.

 

Really? There was no way I could have slept in it. I would have needed hospitalization afterward.

 

I will say I've been hospitalized twice, for fairly major surgery both times. I didn't have anyone stay with me at all times and I was heavily sedated some of the time. My family was there part of the time and as I came out of surgery, but no one stayed all night.

 

Obviously, if it were my child or I the person had complex issues, I'd stay.

[Wildcat]

.

Edited January 6, 2023 by Wildcat

[mommymilkies]

And unfortunately, even if something happens when you are there, AND you witness it, the hospital is likely to side with the staff. We learned that the hard way more than once with my grandfather.

 

I agree. Even though I had 9 visitors and a tech in the room when I had a seizure (they forgot to give me dextrose in my IV with my induction of ds even though I was documented hypoglycemic and fasting), they still insisted I did not, so they never did anything about it. I think they were scared of lawsuits. I never ever leave my kids at the hospital.

[justamouse]

I also had to demand that she was staying an extra day. They wanted her out in 23, and her pain meds weren't working and it wasn't even manageable.

[mom4him]

I totally agree with this. I also have experienced it when it simply is not possible to have someone there 24/7. When my oldest son was in the hospital for 3 1/2 month I was with him almost 24/7. When my husband was in the hospital it is impossible for me to do that because of our family. If you can do it you should. If not do the best you can.

[justamouse]

And unfortunately, even if something happens when you are there, AND you witness it, the hospital is likely to side with the staff. We learned that the hard way more than once with my grandfather.

:iagree:

 

My brother was in a car accident and incoherent. He had gone out the back window of his small truck, and the back of his neck looked like cubed steak.(this is mom's specialty as she was an ER nurse in Georgetown) Mom WALKS IN on the Dr trying to put his shoulder back in, and she blows up. Did you check the films? Doc says no (she knew this, it was too soon). They get the films and 3 vertebrae in his neck were shattered. I don't know HOW he's not a parapalegic. He would have been had mom not stopped them.

[joannqn]

:iagree: I was shocked at the number of kids who did not even have visitors let alone someone to stay with them when my son was there. After several mishaps there is no way I would trust anyone to care for a family member alone.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

My third child spent 8 days in the hospital with RSV when he was only 2 1/2 weeks. Dh told his job that he would be in the hospital with his child. We found a babysitter for our older kids for the first three days, and my dad came up to stay at our house with them for the next five days. There were times when it took both of us being there to advocate for our child. We had a chat with the head nurse about one of the nurses who was giving us grief, and putting our child at risk for injury. We even kicked one respiratory specialist out of our room and told them she was not to come back. They confessed that they didn't know what to do with two parents in the room; usually it is just one or none.

[Galatea]

I agree that this is a good idea. Most hospitals are just so big that people get lost in the shuffle, and the nurses and doctors are so busy that they don't pay attention like they should. And their priorities are not always the same.

 

Even though I repeatedly told my doctor I did not want extra people in the delivery room while I was giving birth because I am a very private person physically, the second I started to push, at least 6 interns or whatever walked right in. And since my epidural did not work, I was a little distracted. My husband (who got in trouble with me later) was also too distracted to make them leave. And of course my doctor and all the nurses just "forgot" that I made it clear I didn't want a full room of people looking at me. Of course, I had to fire that doctor anyway for calling my husband an ***hole during my delivery. Unbelievable.

 

Then our daughter spent 2 weeks in NICU at the Children's Hospital. They do a good job for the most part, but when the put her IV in her HEAD, they didn't pay enough attention and it got inflamed. I had to yell at people to get them to move the thing. And because they had let idiots do her IV, both of her hands were already tired/overdone with the IV, and they had to put it in the other side of her head because it was the only other choice. Poor little 5 pound baby with red, inflamed hands and heads because of incompetence/too much hurry in what's supposed to be one of the best children's hospitals in the country.

[Murphy101]

I totally agree with this. I also have experienced it when it simply is not possible to have someone there 24/7. When my oldest son was in the hospital for 3 1/2 month I was with him almost 24/7. When my husband was in the hospital it is impossible for me to do that because of our family. If you can do it you should. If not do the best you can.

 

:iagree: If I truly am physically unable to stay, then the choice is moot.

 

But baring physical necessity of someone else I love needing me more elsewhere, I don't care about uncomfortable chairs and so forth. I'm staying. And I take notes. Seriously. I write which nurse came in when and what she did and the names of meds. I write what was asked for and when it did or did not arrive and why. (Not things like asked for an extra pillow, but asked for meds or whatever.)

 

I do it for my kids, my friends, my dh. If I love you enough to visit you in hospital and I show up and see no one is staying with you? I'm going to ask when the next person is coming to sit with you and then ask if you mind if I stay. No hard feelings if you want to be alone, but otherwise I'm calling dh or my older kids and saying I'm delayed for a bit at the hospital and to hold down the fort.

[StartingOver]

My 16 year old was rather offended when I wanted to stay the night with him after his appendix was out. Until they woke him up the 2nd morning, all groggy from pain meds still, and started to prep him for his kidney transplant. 8-) They didn't believe him when he protested.

 

I have never left a child alone, no matter what. I have never left the building, I have had family come in so I could shower in the child's room, or down the hall if in the ICU or needed to eat, & etc. I don't have family members that are the kind to ask questions... and demand answers before they do something to a child. I have always been there ! ( I am also the one everyone calls when someone else in the family is in the hospital. I guess I have a reputation hehehe. )

[lea1]

My sister is an RN at a hospital and she is now looking for another job (maybe with a dr.'s office) because she is sick and tired of the other nurses, techs/aids, spending so much time texting and talking on their cell phones and no one does anything about it. My sister is such a wonderful, caring nurse and she is appalled by how most of the others that she works with don't put their patients first.