s/o No Reply At All---> Chilly Board?

[MariannNOVA]

I've noticed it too. This is a chilly board for certain.

 

What puzzles me is that I have so much in common with many women here, but nobody seems interested in being friendly with me even in the message board sense. butterflymommy

 

 

Dear Butterflymommy (and anyone else who finds it chilly here):

I am sorry that is the impression you have -- I hope you stick around and maybe a more positive impression can take its place.:)

 

I just want to say that just like IRL, there are some very nice people here -- people who sent me preemie hats for my dd's two little boys who died in utero at 26 weeks (two different pregnancies) -- Those women touched my family at a time when we so needed comfort and kindness.

 

And, remember Scarlett's Quilt -- good grief, I don't even know how many quilt squares were sent to me and finally sent to Scarlett - but there is a sub group with photos of many of them if not all. Amazingly busy women I am going to single out Aubrey and AuntieM - and don't all go getting your knickers in a twist) who made gorgeous quit squares along with so many others.

 

And, when Stephanie (bike, book, bread)'s husband had surgery on his ankle and she was living here in Va without any family around - people sent postcards to her little girls, gift cards so I could bring meals, and I showed up with about a week's worth of meals.

 

And, Kari - when Kari's dear sweet Timmy was killed in a car accident, women from this board travelled to Fl to his funeral...and donations were made by so many people on this board to a charity of Kari's choice.

 

And, Molly -- may she rest in peace. Molly and my dd32 emailed each other for months about ways for Molly to recuperate from the devastating effects of her chemo. I was devastated when Molly died; my daughter sobbed.

 

And, me -- I have not ever been let down when I have come here asking for prayers/positive thoughts for me or my family. If one person is pulling for me, that is great because it is one more than i had before asking here.

 

And, I don't want to mis-speak -- I think that people have been as helpful as distance allows in Joanne's situation.

 

And, PP (aka A) when she moved and was in a rather difficult situation.

 

 

And, me again....when I volunteered at the NoVa convention three years ago at the RFWP booth. SO MANY women came by to introduce themselves. It was a hoot.

 

We had a 24 hour prayer chain for Imp's dental surgery -- I think we went for longer than 24 hours...so many women volunteered to pray in 30 minute segments of time.

 

I have bought and paid for books and sent them to boardies just because they needed them. I am certain others have done the same and more.

 

And countless other situations.

 

A message board is as we have posted, an odd sort of beast. But I think that its true character, albeit, the character of its members, comes through in a time of need. And i think that as far as virtual 'friends,' the women here have done what they can when they were asked.

Edited June 20, 2012 by MariannNOVA

[amy g.]

I've been on this board for more than 10 years, and I've never found it chilly. I've heard people say this before, but I just do not get it.

[Impish]

I never found it chilly here, from the first time I joined.

[Soror]

If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here.

 

:iagree: It is a big board. It is not going to be that way for everyone, great for those who find it that way but it is just impossible imo for it to be like that for all. That is not to say there aren't great people on here and horrid as well I'm sure. Everyone is not going to like everyone else. I personally know I don't have a personality that lends itself well to developing close internet relationships.

Edited June 20, 2012 by soror

[TheReader]

Mariann, thank you so much for posting some of these "board history" stories! Such an encouraging thing to read for a relative newbie here, who left a very warm & welcoming message board to come here instead and is just now remembering/relearning what it's like to be the newbie instead of the "been around these boards forever" person.

 

I have to say, "chilly" is not a word I'd use to describe this place so far. Fast moving, which makes threads get skipped over more often than in other forums. Fun-loving, which sometimes means that sincere questions that are important to the poster, but not fun, silly, or intellectually engaging tend to get fewer responses at times. But also definitely warm, which means that "rejoice with me" posts tend to get seen & answered, as do "I need good thoughts" posts.

 

I'm still figuring out how to be an anonymous poster (for reasons relating to the topic of this board + where I live right now) yet have my voice come through the way I mean; I'm still figuring out that it does require a bit of a different voice when one is still a newbie vs. a well-known, much-loved poster who's been around for ages. Having been the latter, and now being the former (and not even using my real name!) it's different for me and I know my voice gets misunderstood at times. I'm working on it.

 

But posts like this....what a great encouragement to keep working on it, and keep hanging out here, and become a part of the community and not just someone on the outside looking in.

 

I would add to any feeling "the chill" -- don't be afraid to "bump" your posts at times, and try to notice more the feel/voice/attitude of the replies you do get rather than the number of replies vs. looks, or the number of replies to you vs. replies to others, etc. That one little step has helped me a great deal in seeing the warmth that is here -- I don't usually get many replies at all, but every one of them that I do get is/has been warm, thoughtful, caring, etc.

[Impish]

Quoting my response in another thread...

 

All joking aside...

 

I've been through some incredibly difficult times irl since I joined here.

 

I've been incredibly blessed by members here.

 

I had to undergo major dental surgery. Major. A sub group was set up, Mariann formed a prayer list for me, Perry sent some things for my kids to keep them busy and happily occupied during recovery time, (plus a jar of Nutella! :lol:)

 

Members have prayed for me so many times, sent me PMs of support, understanding...

 

When I was pregnant w/Boo, I had a LOT of fears. My RSD could complicate things all to h*ll, and nobody, none of the specialists, could even give a reasonable guess as to what could/might happen. Women here not only listened to me whine, freak out, lose my mind, but patiently continued to pray, offer support, give me a pat on the back or a kick in the behind as needed.

 

And they waited, w/far more interest and excitement than I'd ever experienced from family members, for news that Boo was born, safe and healthy.

 

And then Wolf was up for his job, that would mean moving out of the city, something we'd longed for forever. Members here again were the cheering section, offering prayers and asking excitedly for updates, having a full on celebratory WOO HOO when we finally had confirmation that he'd gotten the job.

 

So, I can honestly and truly say that no, I don't find this group cold in the slightest. And my life is so much more blessed thanks to the members here.

[QueenCat]

A message board is as we have posted, an odd sort of beast. But I think that its true character, albeit, the character of its members, comes through in a time of need. And i think that as far as virtual 'friends,' the women here have done what they can when they were asked.

 

Well said, thank you for reminding us of the many times the Hive has been there for each other. People also need to remember that relationships, whether developed online or in irl, take work on all parties.

[MariannNOVA]

Mariann, thank you so much for posting some of these "board history" stories! Such an encouraging thing to read for a relative newbie here, who left a very warm & welcoming message board to come here instead and is just now remembering/relearning what it's like to be the newbie instead of the "been around these boards forever" person.

 

I have to say, "chilly" is not a word I'd use to describe this place so far. Fast moving, which makes threads get skipped over more often than in other forums. Fun-loving, which sometimes means that sincere questions that are important to the poster, but not fun, silly, or intellectually engaging tend to get fewer responses at times. But also definitely warm, which means that "rejoice with me" posts tend to get seen & answered, as do "I need good thoughts" posts.

 

I'm still figuring out how to be an anonymous poster (for reasons relating to the topic of this board + where I live right now) yet have my voice come through the way I mean; I'm still figuring out that it does require a bit of a different voice when one is still a newbie vs. a well-known, much-loved poster who's been around for ages. Having been the latter, and now being the former (and not even using my real name!) it's different for me and I know my voice gets misunderstood at times. I'm working on it.

 

But posts like this....what a great encouragement to keep working on it, and keep hanging out here, and become a part of the community and not just someone on the outside looking in.

 

I would add to any feeling "the chill" -- don't be afraid to "bump" your posts at times, and try to notice more the feel/voice/attitude of the replies you do get rather than the number of replies vs. looks, or the number of replies to you vs. replies to others, etc. That one little step has helped me a great deal in seeing the warmth that is here -- I don't usually get many replies at all, but every one of them that I do get is/has been warm, thoughtful, caring, etc.

 

Thanks for writing that and especially for your valuable and wise words i've highlighted in red.

:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here.

I doubt I am part of the in-crowd, since I've never been in the In-crowd in my entire life, but I do find this board very warm and helpful.

 

There are many posters who look beyond the post to the feelings that are behind it and answer gently when gentleness is needed, but are also unafraid to prod me into looking at things in a different light.

 

My world-view has been considerably expanded.

 

Nope, not chilly at all IMHO.

[LaxMom]

If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here.

 

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

[Hwin]

I don't find it chilly, just too big for someone like myself. I am much more comfortable on a smaller board. I have made real friends, talked offline, given and received. I can't imagine that ever happening here, given my personality. I come here mostly for information, or to chime in on topics that interest me.

 

Because I find this board so huge and public, I would never share any identifying information about myself, pictures of my family, etc. so I am of course making it harder to form those connections.

[Impish]

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

You're part of my crowd. *mwah*

 

Regardless if you like it or not :tongue_smilie:

[MariannNOVA]

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

 

In red -- very well put. :iagree:

[MariannNOVA]

Well said, thank you for reminding us of the many times the Hive has been there for each other. People also need to remember that relationships, whether developed online or in irl, take work on all parties.

 

You're welcome. :)

 

I doubt I am part of the in-crowd, since I've never been in the In-crowd in my entire life, but I do find this board very warm and helpful.

 

There are many posters who look beyond the post to the feelings that are behind it and answer gently when gentleness is needed, but are also unafraid to prod me into looking at things in a different light.

 

My world-view has been considerably expanded.

 

Nope, not chilly at all IMHO.

 

I've gone to your blog -- not recently, but I recognize your screen name. You are part of my in-crowd (it's probably very small ;)):grouphug:

[LaxMom]

You're part of my crowd. *mwah*

 

Regardless if you like it or not :tongue_smilie:

 

:001_wub: aw, shucks.

[MariannNOVA]

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

 

I 'know' you because of your siggy line being the inmate in charge of the asylum. That always makes me laugh. And you are in Md and I am in Va.:)

[Juniper]

I recently had to start over here. I only let a few people know for a couple weeks who I was as I dealt with some security issues on FB. Even a reincarnated newbie I did not find it chilly. Some threads were slow going, but like another pp said, you just bump your thread.

 

I have also found that reaching out through PM's helps to build relational bridges. The biggest thing though is really engaging in a dialogue vs. making a statement and hoping someone else will pick it up and respond. Quoting the post that stimulated the thought, asking open questions, apologizing when need be help grease the wheels.

 

:D

[Mrs Mungo]

I think when you post more, then people know your avatar, your "voice," what your opinion might be on x or y, and people start to feel like they know you. I don't think there is an "in-crowd" in a clique sense. I think there are just people who post a lot and people who don't. It is a big board and it isn't really split up into micro-boards the way Baby Center's boards are; I think that does make it harder to get to know less-frequent posters.

[TheReader]

Thanks for writing that and especially for your valuable and wise words i've highlighted in red.

:grouphug:

 

Awww, thanks :) (&/or, You're welcome!)

 

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

 

:iagree: Well said. All of it.

[happyWImom]

First of all, I don't think this is a "chilly" board. Possibly some people feel this way because they haven't formed the relationships that a lot of the ladies on here have. But, that is the way it is in "normal" life, too, is it not? A lot of the ladies here have formed relationships because they've been here longer, know the inside jokes, background stuff, etc.... And others have become friends because they get each other, have the same sense of humor, similar situations, have gone through experiences together, etc..... Just like in "normal" life. If some of the newer people (or not newer, but the ones who don't feel hear, "in", whatever) look at it like that, maybe they will feel a little better.

 

I, myself don't feel "in", and have felt that some of my wittier (or what I percieved was witty) comments have been ignored and I don't always get a lot of responses to some of my posts, but I'm not offended. I'm not here to entertain, or to get validation. I have felt a huge ammount of support and gotten lots of responses and advice about important things, such as my dd's anxiety, when I've asked for prayers, and have questioned myself on-well, you name it. To me, that's when people here have really stepped up, and that's what we're all about here, isn't it? Support. Nothing chilly when it comes to that.

[kitten18]

I don't consider myself to be with the "in crowd" (I'm more the IT crowd sort of girl irl, too), but I don't find it chilly here. Yes, I've killed my share of threads. Yes, I've had people express the same thoughts I had earlier in a thread, and be replied to... (wow. There's some awkward grammar for the day)

 

I guess I don't take it terribly personally? Maybe I'm actually here for the purpose of fluffy time wasting, so I don't feel as if unacknowledged posts are a waste of effort?

 

I'm certainly guilty of not posting my thoughts or support on every thread I read. I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

:iagree: Yes, I completely agree.

[meggie]

Quoting my response in another thread...

 

not to be argumentative, but not everyone here gets the same support you do. i've been wanting to post about a job my dh is trying to get. but I figure, "why bother?" not that many people will care. yes, I have seen amazing things happen for people, but it seems to be the most well known ones or those with an unusual situation.

[Coffeetime]

If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here.

 

I don't consider myself part of the "in crowd" (I've been here a long time but don't post often)- but I've never found it chilly here. When I have posted needing advice, thoughts, prayers- people have been nothing but kind, compassionate and caring. You all mean a lot to me, even if most of you probably have no idea who I am :lol:.

 

I can't tell you how often I think of many of you, and the ups and downs you've each shared in your lives, in the course of my day. This is my "larger tribe" and I care about the happiness and struggles of everyone here, even the people I wouldn't be friends with irl. ;)

 

:iagree:

[MariannNOVA]

First of all, I don't think this is a "chilly" board. Possibly some people feel this way because they haven't formed the relationships that a lot of the ladies on here have. But, that is the way it is in "normal" life, too, is it not? A lot of the ladies here have formed relationships because they've been here longer, know the inside jokes, background stuff, etc.... And others have become friends because they get each other, have the same sense of humor, similar situations, have gone through experiences together, etc..... Just like in "normal" life. If some of the newer people (or not newer, but the ones who don't feel hear, "in", whatever) look at it like that, maybe they will feel a little better.

 

I, myself don't feel "in", and have felt that some of my wittier (or what I percieved was witty) comments have been ignored and I don't always get a lot of responses to some of my posts, but I'm not offended. I'm not here to entertain, or to get validation. I have felt a huge ammount of support and gotten lots of responses and advice about important things, such as my dd's anxiety, when I've asked for prayers, and have questioned myself on-well, you name it. To me, that's when people here have really stepped up, and that's what we're all about here, isn't it? Support. Nothing chilly when it comes to that.

 

In red -- I could have written that! Thanks for taking the time to articulate that. I actually think that I write hysterically funny/witty things -- I apparently am the only one who thinks that.;)

 

Again, thanks.:)

[Impish]

not to be argumentative, but not everyone here gets the same support you do. i've been wanting to post about a job my dh is trying to get. but I figure, "why bother?" not that many people will care. yes, I have seen amazing things happen for people, but it seems to be the most well known ones or those with an unusual situation.

Here's the thing.

 

I was a newbie here. I didn't come from a previous board, or, w/the exception of one person, knew anyone before I joined (and the member I know is a lesser known entity, so it's not like I had some secret access to a special handshake).

 

Ppl got to know me b/c I post, respond, put myself out there.

 

You can't become known if you don't put yourself out there and participate.

 

You've already decided that nobody would respond about your dh's work, so you're not going to bother putting it out there. That's you making a self fulfilling prophesy, isn't it?

 

It's really up to you.

[meggie]

eek, just reread my post and thought it sounded whiny . sorry, on my phone and trying to be succint. I think it's easy to be overly sensitive on the board because it's so big and fast moving. it's hard to not take some things personally, but thats the best course of action. for the most part, any slights arent personal.

[Guest submarines]

I doubt I am part of the in-crowd, since I've never been in the In-crowd in my entire life, but I do find this board very warm and helpful.

 

There are many posters who look beyond the post to the feelings that are behind it and answer gently when gentleness is needed, but are also unafraid to prod me into looking at things in a different light.

 

My world-view has been considerably expanded.

 

Nope, not chilly at all IMHO.

 

It depends, in my experience, who responds to your post first and what the response is. If one of the in-crowders is "chilly", there's no way back, it is like a snowball that only gathers speed. Feeding time. Gets ugly.

 

The other times, when "regular" members respond first and the in-crowd is not interested in having fun on your account, the board is warm and friendly.

[MariannNOVA]

not to be argumentative, but not everyone here gets the same support you do. i've been wanting to post about a job my dh is trying to get. but I figure, "why bother?" not that many people will care. yes, I have seen amazing things happen for people, but it seems to be the most well known ones or those with an unusual situation.

 

When I first came here (and it was the old board), i found that posting was akin to putting myself in an incredibly vulnerable position.

 

I still feel that way - last week I put up a photo of my kids with an update on a recent situation - 3 people responded. You know what? It's a weekend, the board moves fast, stuff gets buried.

 

I don't know what else to say -- but I won't know to support you in your situation if I don't have some inkling that there is a situation - but that's your call. I have tons of stuff going on that never leaves the four walls of my house. This is a good place, imo. :)...for whatever it is that it accomplishes.

[Crimson Wife]

not to be argumentative, but not everyone here gets the same support you do. i've been wanting to post about a job my dh is trying to get. but I figure, "why bother?" not that many people will care. yes, I have seen amazing things happen for people, but it seems to be the most well known ones or those with an unusual situation.

 

Praying for your family and any others who are job-hunting right now! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

I have not found this board to be chilly at all.

 

Like any place with humans, I find that I do not always agree with some people and some rub me the wrong way.

 

I do find that I sometimes post at the "wrong" times. It could be that the people I need to hear from are making dinner or schooling... then this fast moving board just barrels forwards and my post gets washed away.

 

Try to remember what time zone you are in and that jut because you are available, others my be busy.

[Liz CA]

I sometimes post something nobody but I care about, sometimes I get a few responses. Such is life online. It's different than IRL interaction. The fascinating thing is, you get so many different views, expertise, and experiences that keep me coming back long after my homeschooling days are over.

 

Everyone comes here for different purposes. I really feel for those who are home with children, have perhaps little other adult conversation (a situation I remember well!) and then post something here and feel ignored on top of that. I can empathize with you.

Some dynamics here are the timing of the post. Some people are here only in the morning/afternoon/evening. I've bumped threads that did not get a response in the morning and got a few more in the evening.

[meggie]

Also, I used to think there was a clique here. Then I realized that it wasn't a clique, it was just a lot of the people who had been around longer and had really high post counts, so they had formed friendships and liked to talk to each other a lot. They were more familiar with each other. And anytime I would talk to them, they would always respond back.

 

So I do think the board is warm and friendly, it's just that some things get lost in the masses.

[MariannNOVA]

Praying for your family and any others who are job-hunting right now! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

That's it - I didn't know what to say -- you said what needed to be said. Thank you.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Never mind...I stand corrected. Apparently I was just imagining things. :glare:

Edited June 20, 2012 by FiveOaksAcademy

[FiveOaksAcademy]

See above

Edited June 20, 2012 by FiveOaksAcademy

[Georgiana Daniels]

There's an in-crowd :001_huh:

 

Well, no reason to think I'd be part of an in-crowd now. But I've never found this place to be chilly, but I do think there are people who get more responses than others--only because they've invested themselves in posting to others' posts for years. I guess you really do get out what you put in.

[Impish]

There's an in-crowd :001_huh:

 

Well, no reason to think I'd be part of an in-crowd now. But I've never found this place to be chilly, but I do think there are people who get more responses than others--only because they've invested themselves in posting to others' posts for years. I guess you really do get out what you put in.

Bingo.

[Audrey]

I think when you post more, then people know your avatar, your "voice," what your opinion might be on x or y, and people start to feel like they know you. I don't think there is an "in-crowd" in a clique sense. I think there are just people who post a lot and people who don't. It is a big board and it isn't really split up into micro-boards the way Baby Center's boards are; I think that does make it harder to get to know less-frequent posters.

 

 

This is very true. The board moves SO fast! If you don't post often, your posts get buried quickly. Entire threads can disappear to page 10 in less than a day (and I admit I never look at new threads/posts past page 10).

 

While I don't think there are cliques, per se, I do think that there are groups of people who have formed connections because of something in common -- but that's because they post and interact. I think it is just natural to interact with someone who is interacting with you. If you don't post, then what is one to do to get to "know" you? KWIM?

 

I know that if you have "farm" in your user name, I will always notice your posts. If you have a Canadian location in your profile, I will always notice your posts. If you ever mention that you are from or have lived in OK, I will notice you (and probably develop a mild platonic internet crush on you). If you have a Scandanavian, Australian, New Zealand or South African location in your profile, I will hang on every word you say because I cannot help but be fascinated by you.

 

Everyone has different things that draw them into connections with others. It's not cliquish, or chilly.... it's just human nature.

[Juniper]

There's an in-crowd :001_huh:

 

Well, no reason to think I'd be part of an in-crowd now. But I've never found this place to be chilly, but I do think there are people who get more responses than others--only because they've invested themselves in posting to others' posts for years. I guess you really do get out what you put in.

Thank you! I was really confused by the "in-crowd" comment as well. I just do not get it. :confused:

This is very true. The board moves SO fast! If you don't post often, your posts get buried quickly. Entire threads can disappear to page 10 in less than a day (and I admit I never look at new threads/posts past page 10).

 

While I don't think there are cliques, per se, I do think that there are groups of people who have formed connections because of something in common -- but that's because they post and interact. I think it is just natural to interact with someone who is interacting with you. If you don't post, then what is one to do to get to "know" you? KWIM?

 

I know that if you have "farm" in your user name, I will always notice your posts. If you have a Canadian location in your profile, I will always notice your posts. If you ever mention that you are from or have lived in OK, I will notice you (and probably develop a mild platonic internet crush on you). If you have a Scandanavian, Australian, New Zealand or South African location in your profile, I will hang on every word you say because I cannot help but be fascinated by you.

 

Everyone has different things that draw them into connections with others. It's not cliquish, or chilly.... it's just human nature.

Exactly! Those are things I notice. Pegs that help me make a connection.

 

I would add that if you have something unusual as your location it will make me smile and let me know you have a sense of humor, but like to keep some things private. :D

[Impish]

Everyone has different things that draw them into connections with others. It's not cliquish, or chilly.... it's just human nature.

Yup.

 

And on the flip side, I've had ppl say that they skip over my posts, or have me on an ignore list b/c I use a bold font.

 

*shrug*

[mommymilkies]

I know that if you have "farm" in your user name, I will always notice your posts. If you have a Canadian location in your profile, I will always notice your posts. If you ever mention that you are from or have lived in OK, I will notice you (and probably develop a mild platonic internet crush on you). If you have a Scandanavian, Australian, New Zealand or South African location in your profile, I will hang on every word you say because I cannot help but be fascinated by you.

 

Everyone has different things that draw them into connections with others. It's not cliquish, or chilly.... it's just human nature.

:lol: I also admit to the mild platonic internet crushes on certain people for such reasons. At least I'm not the only one!

 

I do think there is a popular clique here, though. A few people can start a thread about anything and it will have 40+ pages of replies. But that's definitely not the case for anyone. I was never even mildly popular in any sense in school (except maybe most popular to get the snot kicked out of her), but I do see the same thing here. Not in a mean spirited clique kind of way, though.

[meggie]

Sorry, totally did not mean to be whiny. Part of my not posting was because figuring hardly anyone would care. Not meant in a bad way as in "everyone on this board is a jerk" but because those kinds of threads get posted often so I think people tend to respond less. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows? Also, it just seems to me that I've posted asking for prayers for his job situation about a thousand times so asking for another one I'm worried people are going to be annoyed with me. Also, I don't think he'll get it anyway, I've gotten my hopes up a thousand times before and don't want to have to give another, "sorry it didn't work out" update because those also crush me.

 

Here's the thing.

 

I was a newbie here. I didn't come from a previous board, or, w/the exception of one person, knew anyone before I joined (and the member I know is a lesser known entity, so it's not like I had some secret access to a special handshake).

 

Ppl got to know me b/c I post, respond, put myself out there.

 

You can't become known if you don't put yourself out there and participate.

 

You've already decided that nobody would respond about your dh's work, so you're not going to bother putting it out there. That's you making a self fulfilling prophesy, isn't it?

 

It's really up to you.

If I remember correctly, when you asked for prayers for Wolf's job, you got lots of responses and good lucks. I think that is because you're one of the more well known people on the board, so everyone likes you. I remember praying for you and being excited when he did get it. But not everyone is that well known or gets that many replies. That's all I'm saying. Different experiences might make people think the board is "chilly."

 

When I first came here (and it was the old board), i found that posting was akin to putting myself in an incredibly vulnerable position.

 

I still feel that way - last week I put up a photo of my kids with an update on a recent situation - 3 people responded. You know what? It's a weekend, the board moves fast, stuff gets buried.

 

I don't know what else to say -- but I won't know to support you in your situation if I don't have some inkling that there is a situation - but that's your call. I have tons of stuff going on that never leaves the four walls of my house. This is a good place, imo. :)...for whatever it is that it accomplishes.

 

I am painfully shy in real life. Painfully. As in, in a crowd of more than two people, I probably won't say anything, even though I really like you all. So sometimes I get in these moods where I think I'm hilarious and post things that I think are hysterical. Then I go through phases where I worry that people think I'm psychotic or weird, so I'd rather hang back a little. I don't think there's anything wrong with the variety of people here, but I wonder if some of the people who are hesitant to post things are shy in real life too.

 

Praying for your family and any others who are job-hunting right now! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Thanks

 

That's it - I didn't know what to say -- you said what needed to be said. Thank you.

Thanks

Edited June 20, 2012 by meggie

[Desert Rat]

If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here.

 

:iagree: And I'm not "in". I still come here, 'cause y'all are fascinating people and I like the discussions, but my threads rarely get more than 5-6 posts, at best. Similar threads by "in" people get 100s.

 

I rarely start threads anymore because I don't like feeling "out".

[Impish]

But, meggie...I started out as a newbie too.

 

The only reason I'm known is b/c I babble. A lot.

 

That's what I'm saying...there's no secret handshake, no club, just babble, putting yourself out there, and ppl get to know you.

 

I really hope that things take a positive turn for the job situation for your dh soon. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

If you ever mention that you are from or have lived in OK, I will notice you (and probably develop a mild platonic internet crush on you).

 

Ha, so this is why we're friends! ;):lol:

 

I also notice posters from or who live in OK. I could probably name 10 Oklahoma-related posters off the top of my head. I know most of military posters. I have met a bunch of people IRL and remember most of them. I know a lot of the people who travel a lot or have lived overseas. It is easier to make connections when you have something in common.

[Impish]

I admit to having a crush on Mrs. Mungo.

 

I wanna be her when I grow up.

 

*mwah*

[Mrs Mungo]

:iagree: And I'm not "in". I still come here, 'cause y'all are fascinating people and I like the discussions, but my threads rarely get more than 5-6 posts, at best. Similar threads by "in" people get 100s.

 

I rarely start threads anymore because I don't like feeling "out".

 

When I first posted about my sister's breast cancer, I hardly got any posts. When I updated, I received a ton. Same poster, same topic, different day.

[LaxMom]

:iagree: And I'm not "in". I still come here, 'cause y'all are fascinating people and I like the discussions, but my threads rarely get more than 5-6 posts, at best. Similar threads by "in" people get 100s.

 

I rarely start threads anymore because I don't like feeling "out".

 

I've always found it interesting here that threads on a given topic will either be swept off with the tide or have 42 pages in a day. I think the difference is whether the first replies answer a specific question in the OP or start a brawl. It could very well be that those who reply in ways that start brawls aren't so much "in-crowders" as skilled in un/intentionally p!ssing people off. I mean, really, some of the most epic battles here have not been on controversial or political topics, but on shoes, shopping carts and crock pots.

[meggie]

But, meggie...I started out as a newbie too.

 

The only reason I'm known is b/c I babble. A lot.

 

That's what I'm saying...there's no secret handshake, no club, just babble, putting yourself out there, and ppl get to know you.

 

I really hope that things take a positive turn for the job situation for your dh soon. :grouphug:

Yeah, I totally get that. My post on #33 might have gotten overlooked, but that's essentially what I said (although I didn't say you babble :tongue_smilie:). From a newbie looking in, it seems like a clique at first. But it took me awhile to realize that you girls weren't shunning anyone else (like a real clique would do), you had just been here a long time and you girls posted a lot. Also, for me, the names, the avatars, and siggies go a long way to helping me remember people.

 

I remember the first time I joined in the conversation with the people whom I had erroneously thought were the clique. Everyone was so nice and warm and funny. And I realized why I was wrong and that I had been stupid. :D

[Mandylubug]

Didn't realize there was an "in-crowd" and I have never felt it "chilly." I have found wonderful support when I need it :) I consider myself a noob but have never felt like I was "out" of the crowd.