Desert Rat Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I've always found it interesting here that threads on a given topic will either be swept off with the tide or have 42 pages in a day. I think the difference is whether the first replies answer a specific question in the OP or start a brawl. It could very well be that those who reply in ways that start brawls aren't so much "in-crowders" as skilled in un/intentionally p!ssing people off. I mean, really, some of the most epic battles here have not been on controversial or political topics, but on shoes, shopping carts and crock pots. Oh, for sure. I think it has a lot to do with when I'm here, too. I live in PST and I work in the afternoons. I'm here at 6am PST and 11:30 or so, before I go to work. Maybe my timing is off. I don't like to p!ss people off. I don't like yucky mud-slinging debates and tend to stay away from those. I've been around since the old boards and still like coming here. I used to take it personally, but I do have more friends IRL and don't feel so isolated anymore. I don't depend on these boards as much as I did back then when I needed support and found it lacking. I still love it here! :001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I remember the first time I joined in the conversation with the people whom I had erroneously thought were the clique. Everyone was so nice and warm and funny. And I realized why I was wrong and that I had been stupid. :D *smack* No calling yourself the s word. :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I haven't been here "forever" nor am I part of the "in crowd," but I have always found these boards to be welcoming and an invaluable source of information and fun. I don't think it is any one member or groups responsibility to to make everyone feel welcome or a part of anything. I think you just have to put yourself out there. I've always felt the love of the members of this board. I think as a whole, the people genuinely care about the various poster even though it might not be on a 1 on 1, personal basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I'm bummed that I admitted to a crush on Mrs. Mungo, and she ignored me. *sniffle* :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Back off, she's mine. :D I don't see your ring on her finger! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Once a month I find this board 'chilly' ;). But at those times I can feel like crying if my dog looks at me funny :lol:. That is, I think we might often project our mood at the time onto whatever happens here. (It's actually that time of the month now, so watch out, I might get all irrational and weepy if you're not careful :p). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 She isn't into rings. Fine. I don't see your Mike's in her fridge :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I think people who are very open about their lives, their struggles and hard times, are easier to get to "know." If you are mostly private about personal matters, imo people don't feel as invested. I am the private type, so I'm fine with not having a ton of responses, even to the few where I put myself out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here. I agree. I have the quietest 6,000+ posts around. Some people get attention, others don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I don't think this is a chilly board at all. I think there are posters who are more vocal than others, and I think there are posters who click more than others, but I don't think it's chilly. And I'm one who posted that I've stopped posting so often because I don't think it matters and I don't think my posts get read. That said, I've made some real friendships with some people from this board (though they don't really post any more). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I am not sure what I have missed as I haven't been here in......... Days? A week? The first two threads I opened confused me, but maybe that is just me. I love this place. I have been coming here for well over a decade. I love most of the women here. It was the hive who helped me in my desperate hours when my mom was dying and Hospice wasn't helpful at all. (NOT a Hospice bash.... LOVE Hospice but Hospice, like is p,ace, has good and bad sides to it). I have made some friends here whom I really enjoy. But I have seen very chilly attitudes, have been subjected to them, and have seen what I perceive as personal attacks. Then I move along. My opinion? Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.;) I love it here and never will allow a few sour grapes to change that.:001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I'm bummed that I admitted to a crush on Mrs. Mungo, and she ignored me. *sniffle* :tongue_smilie: Back off, she's mine. :D She isn't into rings. Fine. I don't see your Mike's in her fridge :tongue_smilie: :tongue_smilie: I like you all equally! DH came home (briefly, then left again), so I had to pay some attention to him. See how he is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 not to be argumentative, but not everyone here gets the same support you do. i've been wanting to post about a job my dh is trying to get. but I figure, "why bother?" not that many people will care. yes, I have seen amazing things happen for people, but it seems to be the most well known ones or those with an unusual situation. Yes, we will care. Start a thread. You're better known than you think you are. (I don't mean that to be stalkerish or weird.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I would add to any feeling "the chill" -- don't be afraid to "bump" your posts at times, and try to notice more the feel/voice/attitude of the replies you do get rather than the number of replies vs. looks, or the number of replies to you vs. replies to others, etc. That one little step has helped me a great deal in seeing the warmth that is here -- I don't usually get many replies at all, but every one of them that I do get is/has been warm, thoughtful, caring, etc. :iagree:I don't find this board chilly at all. My posts seldom have more than a few replies but they are always encouraging and supportive. Rah rahing when I post something good that has happened, offering hugs when upset/venting. Seeing 17 pages of replies to your post is fun, but I would rather those few replies that someone typed out to respond to me than 16 pages of smilies and no words kwim. This board has some amazing people on it, some that I aspire to be, some that have helped me out when I was in some very trying times, some that make me want to put my fingers in my ears and sing la-la-la, some that irk me to no end especially when I come to accept that what they were saying was right all along (those one really irk me :glare: :tongue_smilie:) But in the end this is where I turn when I have something exciting to share, this is where I turn when I feel like my world is crashing in, this is where I miss when the power is out or the internet tower is down. Chilly is not the way I would describe this board. I am not one of the "in crowd", I don't talk to the women from here off the list like so many do, few would notice if I wasn't posting, but I still wouldn't call it chilly. That's because I know that when I am posting there is always someone listening. Someone who cares what I have to say in that moment. Like many people on here I do not have that irl, so finding that here has been invaluable. Those that find the reception chilly need to do 3 things a) read the replies to you with a different tone. When you get replies you are the one that assigns them a tone, if you are finding the responses are chilly to you reread them with a warmer tone. Message boards can't get across body language, tone of voice etc and some of us are not good enough at writing for our tone to immediately come through. b) join in more, don't just post questions, but join in the multitude of get to know you posts, humor posts, etc. There is what 33K+ members of this forum. If you don't join in to the fun stuff etc we don't really get to know you beyond a screen name. Relationships are not formed with a screen name but with the person behind that name. and c) If you are finding that the vast majority of your posts are getting zero responses than chances are the climate of the board is not the issue but your posting style is. Either you are posting about things that are making people uncomfortable to respond to, you are posting things that no one knows anything about, or your posts are in some way rubbing the members wrong. 33+K members are not conspiring to freeze you out, the one constant when it comes to posts you make is you (general you for anyone feeling that way) Basically you receive what you put out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 if you happen to get on their radar, I guess. I have posted here for ten years, and I would definitely say that I feel pretty "chilled" out of the conversation a lot. I think it's just the nature of a message board. Some women will be the queen bees, and the others will sort of post and participate. No one deletes their posts, lol, and no one is mean. But I will confirm that spending more years here and posting frequently doesn't necessarily make you the beneficiary of any real friendship. Nor should it. It's a message board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I am not sure what I have missed as I haven't been here in......... Days? A week? The first two threads I opened confused me, but maybe that is just me. I love this place. I have been coming here for well over a decade. I love most of the women here. It was the hive who helped me in my desperate hours when my mom was dying and Hospice wasn't helpful at all. (NOT a Hospice bash.... LOVE Hospice but Hospice, like is p,ace, has good and bad sides to it). I have made some friends here whom I really enjoy. But I have seen very chilly attitudes, have been subjected to them, and have seen what I perceive as personal attacks. Then I move along. My opinion? Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.;) I love it here and never will allow a few sour grapes to change that.:001_smile: I am glad that you are back :001_smile: I don't know which 2 posts you opened first to know if it was what you missed that confused you or if it is all in your head. :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorien Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Generally speaking this seems like a pretty friendly place, but there have been times that it's felt chilly to me. Usually those times are soon after a troll has been caught out - and for a while posters with a low post count seem to be viewed with a bit of suspicion, which can hurt if you're a genuine poster but don't post often enough to be known. At those times the louder voices seem to be the most likely to question a poster's genuine-ness, which makes it feel like you're on the outside looking in and no one is interested in you because all you're "hearing" are those who are questioning. They might answer the question, but there is a decided chill in the tone of their response. At other times I've seen a new board member join, be welcomed whole-heartedly, start posting, and get to be fairly popular (threads with lots of replies, etc), fairly quickly, without going through any time of questioning. I think it just depends on who answers the question, and whether something has recently come up to cause people to respond more cautiously - maybe not even something they do intentionally. Just my opinion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :tongue_smilie: I like you all equally! DH came home (briefly, then left again), so I had to pay some attention to him. See how he is? Ha! He thinks that by being your spouse he deserves special treatment! Typical man. :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 if you happen to get on their radar, I guess. I have posted here for ten years, and I would definitely say that I feel pretty "chilled" out of the conversation a lot. I think it's just the nature of a message board. Some women will be the queen bees, and the others will sort of post and participate. No one deletes their posts, lol, and no one is mean. But I will confirm that spending more years here and posting frequently doesn't necessarily make you the beneficiary of any real friendship. Nor should it. It's a message board. See, I view you as the quiet and wise woman who only speaks up when she's got something really good to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I admit to having a crush on Mrs. Mungo. I wanna be her when I grow up. *mwah* Aw. How sweet. (Secretly I want to be Audrey when I grow up.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 if you happen to get on their radar, I guess. I have posted here for ten years, and I would definitely say that I feel pretty "chilled" out of the conversation a lot. I think it's just the nature of a message board. Some women will be the queen bees, and the others will sort of post and participate. No one deletes their posts, lol, and no one is mean. But I will confirm that spending more years here and posting frequently doesn't necessarily make you the beneficiary of any real friendship. Nor should it. It's a message board. That's me. Not a queen bee. More like the bee in your bonnet ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Aw. How sweet. (Secretly I want to be Audrey when I grow up.) Yup, I feel that way too. I think it's the green hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I am not sure what I have missed as I haven't been here in......... Days? A week? The first two threads I opened confused me, but maybe that is just me. I love this place. I have been coming here for well over a decade. I love most of the women here. It was the hive who helped me in my desperate hours when my mom was dying and Hospice wasn't helpful at all. (NOT a Hospice bash.... LOVE Hospice but Hospice, like is p,ace, has good and bad sides to it). I have made some friends here whom I really enjoy. But I have seen very chilly attitudes, have been subjected to them, and have seen what I perceive as personal attacks. Then I move along. My opinion? Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.;) I love it here and never will allow a few sour grapes to change that.:001_smile: Hey stranger! Didja get things fixed over there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :iagree: I love when I get quoted, my ego just grew a little ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Yup, I feel that way too. I think it's the green hair. Yeah, definitely the hair. I've always loved that photo of her. (She's going to smack me soon.:lol:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I love when I get quoted, my ego just grew a little ;) Well, here. grow a bit more. ;):D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :seeya: Hiya, JudoMom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WIS0320 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) . Edited June 20, 2012 by drexel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Aw. How sweet. (Secretly I want to be Audrey when I grow up.) :confused: but... but... I haven't grown up yet, myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Yup, I feel that way too. I think it's the green hair. The line forms to the left. Where it goes, I have no idea, though. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I never found it chilly here, from the first time I joined. :iagree: And there have been times when my bluntness had me banned from this board... and yet, I still find it very welcoming and fun site. I think perhaps the speed of posting and having a message "hide" from page one can be distressing if the OP really wants us to hear her out or JAWM or give a thumbs up. But I do not think if this happens the OP should get offended or feel this is a chilly board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :confused: but... but... I haven't grown up yet, myself! I suppose it is that wonderful air of maturity you posses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 The line forms to the left. Where it goes, I have no idea, though. :lol: *snort* Ftr Audrey, you're responsible for a new catch phrase at our house. "What's for dinner?" "kraft dinner and cranberry sauce!" :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 *snort* Ftr Audrey, you're responsible for a new catch phrase at our house. "What's for dinner?" "kraft dinner and cranberry sauce!" :lol: Ah, but I cannot take credit for that. I did not create the menu. I was merely an innocent bystander. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Ah, but I cannot take credit for that. I did not create the menu. I was merely an innocent bystander. You posted it :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 if you happen to get on their radar, I guess. I have posted here for ten years, and I would definitely say that I feel pretty "chilled" out of the conversation a lot. I think it's just the nature of a message board. Some women will be the queen bees, and the others will sort of post and participate. No one deletes their posts, lol, and no one is mean. But I will confirm that spending more years here and posting frequently doesn't necessarily make you the beneficiary of any real friendship. Nor should it. It's a message board. I'm a relative newbie to the WTM boards, but I've been in online social settings for... sweet heaven, I'm old! :D... seventeen years. There are always people who get more attention, and people who get less. I don't think it has much to do with how long you've been around, how much you post, or even what you post about. I think that some people are really good at conveying a sense of themselves, in text. Some people post in a way that you can really "hear" their voice, and their personality shines through so much that you feel as if you actually know them. Other people post equally interesting information, or equally helpful advice, but they don't write in a way that shows as much of who they are. Their posts may be appreciated, but people don't feel as if they are "friends." I've been to a number of in-person meetups of online communities. I had the experience of meeting, in person, people whose posts I had read for years. Sometimes I could tell in advance, from their posts, that I was really going to like them and click with them. Other times, I met them in real life and liked them immensely, but couldn't really call up any memories of things they'd posted. I married one of those people. I love my husband dearly, and we clicked instantly in person, but I never would have guessed from his online postings that we would hit it off. He doesn't have that talent of putting himself into his online postings. So I do think the people who say "Just post more! Everyone was a newbie once!" are offbase. That won't bring everyone into the center of the circle, because it's the way you convey an impression of yourself that matters, not just posting enough. And, remember Scarlett's Quilt -- And, when Stephanie (bike, book, bread)'s husband had surgery on his ankle and she was living here in Va without any family around - And, Kari - And, Molly -- And, me -- And, I don't want to mis-speak -- I think that people have been as helpful as distance allows in Joanne's situation. And, PP (aka A) when she moved and was in a rather difficult situation. We had a 24 hour prayer chain for Imp's dental surgery -- And countless other situations. I think that its true character, albeit, the character of its members, comes through in a time of need. And i think that as far as virtual 'friends,' the women here have done what they can when they were asked. I think the people who are feeling chilled out aren't going to change their minds based on a list like this, because they'll be thinking, "Yeah, this kind of thing gets done for the people who have friends here. Y'all wouldn't do it for me." And honestly, they may be right. Realistically speaking, a relatively obscure poster probably wouldn't get the same outpouring of love and practical support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie75 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I've only been here a year and haven't found this board chilly at all. I didn't come here looking to build relationships, I simply came looking for info to help my child with his studies. I did however find some of the nicest people! One very nice mom sent my son a t-shirt that she knew he would love, based on one of my posts. Another sent me a pm after one of my pregnancy posts that was very sweet. It's been so great here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I love when I get quoted, my ego just grew a little ;) :D You have the coolest avatar. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) I'm a relative newbie to the WTM boards, but I've been in online social settings for... sweet heaven, I'm old! :D... seventeen years. There are always people who get more attention, and people who get less. I don't think it has much to do with how long you've been around, how much you post, or even what you post about. I think that some people are really good at conveying a sense of themselves, in text. Some people post in a way that you can really "hear" their voice, and their personality shines through so much that you feel as if you actually know them. Other people post equally interesting information, or equally helpful advice, but they don't write in a way that shows as much of who they are. Their posts may be appreciated, but people don't feel as if they are "friends." I've been to a number of in-person meetups of online communities. I had the experience of meeting, in person, people whose posts I had read for years. Sometimes I could tell in advance, from their posts, that I was really going to like them and click with them. Other times, I met them in real life and liked them immensely, but couldn't really call up any memories of things they'd posted. I married one of those people. I love my husband dearly, and we clicked instantly in person, but I never would have guessed from his online postings that we would hit it off. He doesn't have that talent of putting himself into his online postings. So I do think the people who say "Just post more! Everyone was a newbie once!" are offbase. That won't bring everyone into the center of the circle, because it's the way you convey an impression of yourself that matters, not just posting enough. I think the people who are feeling chilled out aren't going to change their minds based on a list like this, because they'll be thinking, "Yeah, this kind of thing gets done for the people who have friends here. Y'all wouldn't do it for me." And honestly, they may be right. Realistically speaking, a relatively obscure poster probably wouldn't get the same outpouring of love and practical support. :iagree: I've tried in other boards to just put myself out there and post like crazy, make sure I respond like crazy after having an instance where I really fell out of the loop. It didn't change things. It just made me realize that my personality is different. I don't convey myself well, usually and it takes a good while for me to feel a connection to someone and on a board this big it would take a lot for me to feel that. It is impossible that everyone that has something bad happen on this board will get the same level of support. There are too many members, something horrible happens to somebody here probably at least once a week. It's not bad or good, it just is. It reminds me of dh's cousin irl. She got married 5 yrs ago. Instantly he clicked with the family and everyone loves him, they all have lots in common and he is just "one of those guys." I've been in the family 13 yrs and dh's aunt for about 25 and we aren't as "in" the family as he is, he just fits better with the dominant family members. I was hurt by that for a long time, that I just didn't fit. I still get hurt at times but it is what it is. Not everyone will like me, just as I don't like everyone else. That is not to say that I haven't had people here be very nice, helpful and supportive at times. I just don't feel that connection or closeness that others do. Edited June 20, 2012 by soror Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Well, I think there are enough people on here that you should find someone that you gel with. I think on the whole everyone here is lovely, even if I don't always agree with them. I can say that there are a few people on here that I would consider friends, kindred spirits etc. I have a few who are FB friends now which is way closer to real life (and I am not talking about the new wave from last month). I have gotten presents, sent presents, gotten awesome offlist advice and support, and think I have gotten a lot out of this board. Maybe the OP isn't asking the questions, starting conversations, or participating in threads that bring the best out of this board. :D It also takes a while for people to get to know you.... and some posters are easier to remember than others. Edited June 20, 2012 by radiobrain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Not sure if this is off-topic, but even some of the "trollish" posts on this board get a lot of support. It most likely isn't a troll, but someone with a lot of drama and they need some help. We chime in and ooh or aaah -- help out with advice or tsk-tsk on some event in their lives... much like sitting on the front porch with a neighbor yapping about their home lives. Some people share freely and others do not. Compared to other boards, this place is very kind and welcoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Okay, all these mentions of people getting presents! No one sends ME presents. Cough it up, y'all! :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Okay, all these mentions of people getting presents! No one sends ME presents. Cough it up, y'all! :tongue_smilie: What kind of present do you want? Justamouse is sending me old copies of Mother Earth News. Want me to share? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) I don't think it's chilly, just crowded, which tends to make me feel lonely IRL and on here. Some people just naturally get more attention. I don't like having to try to grab attention. When someone takes the time to notice something I've said, they quickly become one of my favorites. Right now I think the world of Negin in Granada. :-) I used to post here under another name a while ago, and whenever I took a board break and when I changed my name, noone seemed to even notice. Whenever I posted something that was troubling me I always seemed to be misunderstood and kept having to explain myself. That was disconcerting, but I've realized that I can't expect a real understanding relationship from people I hardly know and who hardly know me. It works better for me if I keep my private life private. Plus, I'm not all that anxious to put myself out there. Edited June 20, 2012 by Onceuponatime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 See, I view you as the quiet and wise woman who only speaks up when she's got something really good to say. Aw. How sweet. (Secretly I want to be Audrey when I grow up.) I love Audrey's name -- when i was a kid, I wanted to be named Audrey -- I still love the name. I'm a relative newbie to the WTM boards, but I've been in online social settings for... sweet heaven, I'm old! :D... seventeen years. There are always people who get more attention, and people who get less. I don't think it has much to do with how long you've been around, how much you post, or even what you post about. I think that some people are really good at conveying a sense of themselves, in text. Some people post in a way that you can really "hear" their voice, and their personality shines through so much that you feel as if you actually know them. Other people post equally interesting information, or equally helpful advice, but they don't write in a way that shows as much of who they are. Their posts may be appreciated, but people don't feel as if they are "friends." I've been to a number of in-person meetups of online communities. I had the experience of meeting, in person, people whose posts I had read for years. Sometimes I could tell in advance, from their posts, that I was really going to like them and click with them. Other times, I met them in real life and liked them immensely, but couldn't really call up any memories of things they'd posted. I married one of those people. I love my husband dearly, and we clicked instantly in person, but I never would have guessed from his online postings that we would hit it off. He doesn't have that talent of putting himself into his online postings. So I do think the people who say "Just post more! Everyone was a newbie once!" are offbase. That won't bring everyone into the center of the circle, because it's the way you convey an impression of yourself that matters, not just posting enough. I think the people who are feeling chilled out aren't going to change their minds based on a list like this, because they'll be thinking, "Yeah, this kind of thing gets done for the people who have friends here. Y'all wouldn't do it for me." And honestly, they may be right. Realistically speaking, a relatively obscure poster probably wouldn't get the same outpouring of love and practical support. I wasn't trying to change anyone's mind. I would certainly give everyone here more credit than thinking that on an internet message board I singlehandedly would make anyone think differently. I don't get your point, to be totally honest, except that it's kind of sour grapes to me, and that's sort of funny, because you are someone whose posts I typically read b/c for some reason I can remember your screen name. I don't answer alot of posts b/c there are so many people here who are infinitely more knowledgeable than me on so many subjects: after moving, decluttering, and annie sloan chalk paint....well, with me, one will have gone to the well more than enough times. I also won't answer posts that are convoluted...going all over the place. It would take me forever to try and figure out what to say to someone who has twenty different issues in one thread. Also, when someone writes in their thread a list right off the bat of things that won't work, i tend to go on to the next thing. Posts that are confusing, personal, involve marital topics, and issues with kids that I have not personally experienced, well, I stay away from those as well. I also don't venture much past page 5 (Kudos to Audrey for going to page 10) -- I will typically respond to a request for prayer or not respond but keep that person in my prayers. Generally, this is a message board, not paradise, not nirvana, not perfection. Library Lover i think said it is a guilty pleasure -- I agree. It is kind of like Google with names......I can get great info here and come back and ask more questions. As Shannon831 said, it is no more than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I wasn't trying to change anyone's mind. I would certainly give everyone here more credit than thinking that on an internet message board I singlehandedly would make anyone think differently. I don't get your point, to be totally honest, except that it's kind of sour grapes to me, and that's sort of funny, because you are someone whose posts I typically read b/c for some reason I can remember your screen name. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel personally attacked. I actually don't feel frozen out here, and I don't think the atmosphere is chilly. I am comfortable here. I was just trying to say that for people who do think there's an "in crowd," and that others are frozen out, it won't help them to be told about the wonderful things that WTM boardies do for what they perceive to be "other members of the in crowd." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I am glad that you are back :001_smile: I don't know which 2 posts you opened first to know if it was what you missed that confused you or if it is all in your head. :tongue_smilie: You should come visit my world sometimes! It is CRAZY entertainment.:lol::lol::lol: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Well see I think that is just you though. Meaning you perceive that people are purposefully leaving some in and others out. I post here a lot, but I often do feel insecure and like I'm left out. I don't know that I actually am though. I think it's just how I think. I often think people don't like me, etc. For example, I was in a homeschool group for almost two years. I felt very little connection to people. On several occasions I wondered if anyone even liked me. When I left the group I can't tell you how many people told me they would miss me and that they were sorry I was going. I was totally surprised. I think it's just that I'm introverted and it takes me FOREVER to feel connected to people. That's my theory anyway. Maybe I'm wrong, but I really think a lot of it is in my head (and possibly the same goes for you). Hopefully I'm not insulting you. That is absolutely not my intention. edited to add: oops I didn't focus on your "I'm comfortable here part." This isn't the first time you have mentioned the whole in-crowd thing though. You do? Wow, that's not how I see you at all :001_smile: Just goes to show, none of us really know how someone else perceives what's going on, and we'll all see/interpret the same "experience" a different way. I learn so much being here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel personally attacked. I actually don't feel frozen out here, and I don't think the atmosphere is chilly. I am comfortable here. I was just trying to say that for people who do think there's an "in crowd," and that others are frozen out, it won't help them to be told about the wonderful things that WTM boardies do for what they perceive to be "other members of the in crowd." Thanks for responding -- and with a much better tone than me (sorry - I had wiped up puppy pee for the umpteenth time, not that that is an acceptable excuse). I get what you are saying -- you articulated it well in this post. I guess that if 'in crowd' is interchangeable with 'folks who have been here awhile', well, that is going to be true anywhere. And the list was really things that were done for folks who were in need and made that need known in a way that could be addressed 'virtually.' I told someone here earlier that this summer our family joined a new pool - we recently moved. I know NO ONE at the pool. My kids know NO ONE. I am not a joiner/signer upper/happy volunteer or people person. My kids, however, are incredibly social and not shy. They are on swim team and one is on dive team - you cannot imagine, or maybe you can, the number of situations in which I find myself that I would not ever willingly enter into: working the concession stand at swim meets, timing at swim meets, judging at swim meets, etc, etc. I would prefer to sit with a book and not say boo to a goose. Um, that's life. My point being, we all have a comfort zone and we have to decide how far in or our of the boundaries we are willing to go in certain situations. I find the board still with 11,000 posts intimidating and potentially hurtful -- I pick and choose carefully where I will participate. I hear you -- I don't have an answer, I agree that people might look at the list and think that nice things were done for people who are in some theoretical 'in crowd' -- truthfully, Kari is here infrequently, Stephanie is not here any longer, Scarlett is not here nearly as often as she used to be. Things come and go in waves -- there often will be comments here and I am sure you have seen them about how 'sad' the board may be at a particular time - just lots of sad stuff going on. I guess i posted the list in an effort to show that folks will reach out to one another if they know there is a need. The key is that the need has to be made known. The other thing is that if one looks at that list, those things were fairly intense situations -- not (and I am not demeaning these posts) 'I am having a bad day.' So, is it as blazing hot in Baltimore as it is in Alexandria?:) Edited June 20, 2012 by MariannNOVA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 If you're not part of the "in crowd", then yes, it is chilly here. Can someone please define the "in crowd?" This isn't the first time I have heard the term mentioned here, and I'm wondering who these elusive people are, and exactly how much kissing up I'd have to do to be one of them. :D Seriously, though, I don't understand the mentality that it's particularly cliquish here, and I'm very much wondering what I'm missing. I don't find it to be at all chilly here, but I don't take it personally if a million people don't rush to respond to every one of my posts, so maybe it's all just a matter of personal impression. I would really like more clarification about the popularity thing, though. :001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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