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And the winner of the 2013 most impersonal and obnoxious event IS!!


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Drumroll...........dddddddddd..........

 

My sister's upcoming wedding :glare:. Bleh. I'm disappointed but not surprised. It's next May and I have almost a year of this to deal with. The place she is having it cost more than my entire wedding and I am not exaggerating. My gracious parents paid for our entire thing, and we paid for a few flights in. My dad's friend who owns a butcher shop gave me the gift of a delicious buffet which was so fun, and everyone loved it. Everything was reasonable.

 

She wants a caterer, stuffy plated food, a $3000 wedding dress, and two hours away from us. I have been told I am lucky because I am the closest one, and everyone else has to drive so much further or fly. WHich is not even true, it's just her manipulation to keep everyone "shut up and don't ruin my event." She has manipulated my mom into feeling sorry for her and getting a free life and everything she wants every time something is hard and she screws up. She has a completely subsidized college education right now, and has not worked for 3 years. My parents are still paying her brand new Mazda car payment.

 

Yeah, I'll be there smiling with bells on as the Matron of honor with all of her trashy bridesmaids who will be drunk in minutes after the I do's. It is just the obnoxious sense of entitlement she has. And the fact that we work our tails off, yet I am "lucky" to not have to work.

 

Anyone else have a sibling who is a complete brat and manipulates to get whatever they want? And somehow is granted a crown because after all they are finally doing something with their life after screwing up the last 15 years partying and being irresponsible? Yuck. It's a really good thing I have developed a fabulous fake smile and obnoxiously happy persona in times like this.

 

I'm done.

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Why don't you offer to give a speech at the reception? Tell her what you really think of her wedding.

 

Or you could email this thread to your sister and see if she still wants you to be her matron of honor after reading it. Maybe she'll kindly spare you all the suffering by retracting the invitation.

Edited by Tibbie Dunbar
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Oh brother I'm just venting. I love her to bits, she is just completely immature and says whatever she wants regardless of how offensive it is.

 

I just posted here because she does not know this place exists since homeschooling is ridiculous and I am not trained to be a teacher.

 

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever had to deal with a bad wedding party. I'm the Matron of honor because she was mine.

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I recommend you withdraw from being her Matron of Honor. I smell more trouble when she wants you to buy purple shoes or finance her bachelorette party.

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I can sympathize. My girls were all asked to be bridesmaids at a relative's wedding (in my husband's side). We were delighted because they included the request to my oldest (who is disabled) and another child they were related to (also disabled). We practiced with our oldest (and the school practiced as well) on tossing rose petals and standing still.

 

An hour before the wedding, the bride requested that my oldest and the other disabled child not be in the wedding. She said they could still wear their dresses to the wedding (since we had already bought them) and they could be in pictures, but not in the actual wedding.

 

I almost pulled my other two out but my mother in law was about hysterical at the thought. I was pleasant and sociable and we left as quickly as possible.

 

And yes, they were completely drunk throughout the entire wedding and acted like trash. They also had a huge expensive wedding without a thank you to anyone.

 

Sorry. If you don't want to do it, tell her you can't. If you do, put on your pleasant face.

 

ETA - Oh, and since it's a destination type wedding, pack plenty of food for yourselves. Even with a big fancy wedding, there was not enough food. Don't assume that they will provide or do anything for you or say thanks.

 

And I agree about the purple shoes and extra parties. ;)

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That is sad for you girls. And obviously I am going to put on my happy face and I"m excited for her. I"m just tired of every time I ignore something sassy and snarky, or rude towards my mom I hear something else. She did not actually ask me, there was no I want you to share my day with me, it was more like "well I was yours so...."

 

It's just odd. She is just very outwardly uncaring. My parents are paying for as much as they can but the eye rolls are getting old. She's just making everyone feel unpleasant about it all. My mom and I are quite plain, but she has made a point to tell us she has someone that WILL do all of our hair and makeup. Instead of "Oh, my friend is doing all of our hair and makeup." It's just so very insulting.

 

I love her very much, and I will walk the isle, cry and find something lovely to say at the reception.

 

ETA: We are a VERY close family. My parents live 6 miles from us, so just not going or something is not an option. She just knows that she can get away with whatever she wants, whenever. No matter what, we want to remain a close family so we just keep our mouth shut.

Edited by 425lisamarie
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Drumroll...........dddddddddd..........

 

My sister's upcoming wedding :glare:. Bleh. I'm disappointed but not surprised. It's next May and I have almost a year of this to deal with. The place she is having it cost more than my entire wedding and I am not exaggerating. My gracious parents paid for our entire thing, and we paid for a few flights in. My dad's friend who owns a butcher shop gave me the gift of a delicious buffet which was so fun, and everyone loved it. Everything was reasonable.

 

She wants a caterer, stuffy plated food, a $3000 wedding dress, and two hours away from us. I have been told I am lucky because I am the closest one, and everyone else has to drive so much further or fly. WHich is not even true, it's just her manipulation to keep everyone "shut up and don't ruin my event." She has manipulated my mom into feeling sorry for her and getting a free life and everything she wants every time something is hard and she screws up. She has a completely subsidized college education right now, and has not worked for 3 years. My parents are still paying her brand new Mazda car payment.

 

Yeah, I'll be there smiling with bells on as the Matron of honor with all of her trashy bridesmaids who will be drunk in minutes after the I do's. It is just the obnoxious sense of entitlement she has. And the fact that we work our tails off, yet I am "lucky" to not have to work.

 

Anyone else have a sibling who is a complete brat and manipulates to get whatever they want? And somehow is granted a crown because after all they are finally doing something with their life after screwing up the last 15 years partying and being irresponsible? Yuck. It's a really good thing I have developed a fabulous fake smile and obnoxiously happy persona in times like this.

 

I'm done.

just don't go :grouphug:

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That is sad for you girls. And obviously I am going to put on my happy face and I"m excited for her. I"m just tired of every time I ignore something sassy and snarky, or rude towards my mom I hear something else. She did not actually ask me, there was no I want you to share my day with me, it was more like "well I was yours so...."

 

It's just odd. She is just very outwardly uncaring. My parents are paying for as much as they can but the eye rolls are getting old. She's just making everyone feel unpleasant about it all. My mom and I are quite plain, but she has made a point to tell us she has someone that WILL do all of our hair and makeup. Instead of "Oh, my friend is doing all of our hair and makeup." It's just so very insulting.

 

I love her very much, and I will walk the isle, cry and find something lovely to say at the reception.

 

:grouphug: I can see this. She's your sister. You love her. But, she is definitely not at the same place you are with your life. You do things very differently. You seem to honor and respect your parents and she seems to take advantage of them.

 

I have this brother. And, he is getting married in September - for the third time. In an expensive resort. On the beach. The thing that will be fun is that our entire family will be there. And, I REALLY like this fiance. A LOT! But, it's hard to muster up excitement for my brother.

 

Can you find something good about it? Something to look forward to? Heck - maybe you'll really like the way you look and feel when you're pampered and all dolled up? Is there something nearby that you and your family can do? (We're really looking forward to sitting on the beach and playing with the kids!)

 

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me, but I really do understand how you can love, love, love your sibling, but find certain events frustrating! Goodness knows I've vented a lot about this wedding!!! :grouphug:

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:grouphug: I can see this. She's your sister. You love her. But, she is definitely not at the same place you are with your life. You do things very differently. You seem to honor and respect your parents and she seems to take advantage of them.

 

I have this brother. And, he is getting married in September - for the third time. In an expensive resort. On the beach. The thing that will be fun is that our entire family will be there. And, I REALLY like this fiance. A LOT! But, it's hard to muster up excitement for my brother.

 

Can you find something good about it? Something to look forward to? Heck - maybe you'll really like the way you look and feel when you're pampered and all dolled up? Is there something nearby that you and your family can do? (We're really looking forward to sitting on the beach and playing with the kids!)

 

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me, but I really do understand how you can love, love, love your sibling, but find certain events frustrating! Goodness knows I've vented a lot about this wedding!!! :grouphug:

 

Thanks. There are SOOOO many things good about it. My mom and I are just kind of venting like we are the ugly black sheep there. I would love to get "all dolled up," it was just so sad the way she said it. We all love her fiance, and it is a beautiful place. She absolutely loves all of her hundreds of friends, but she treats us so poorly. We do so much for her beyond loving her through everything, the bail outs from the bills she decided she can't pay after her pedicures and shopping, etc. I will not contribute financially anymore, I stopped a while ago. But my poor mom.

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Thanks. There are SOOOO many things good about it. My mom and I are just kind of venting like we are the ugly black sheep there. I would love to get "all dolled up," it was just so sad the way she said it. We all love her fiance, and it is a beautiful place. She absolutely loves all of her hundreds of friends, but she treats us so poorly. We do so much for her beyond loving her through everything, the bail outs from the bills she decided she can't pay after her pedicures and shopping, etc. I will not contribute financially anymore, I stopped a while ago. But my poor mom.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

I get it. I really do.

My sis is getting married in the fall.

I haven't decided whether I am going. Sadly, my story is very similar and the bold part above is my sister 100%.

:grouphug::grouphug:

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:grouphug: Sometimes just venting it out helps release all the frustrations about it so you can focus on the good. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent again in the future.

 

I didn't go to my sister's wedding. I was only sort of invited out of obligation anyway. She called me after she mailed them and said "invites have been sent out, I know you can't afford to go but knew I should send you an invite anyway". She was getting married in mexico. I could not afford to take me and my kids to mexico for a week. She had 1 bridal group of those travelling, and 1 for the reception here of girls that were not travelling. That meant 2 bridal showers, 2 stagettes etc. I was invited to 1 of each. The difference being though she was paying for her own wedding since everyone had to pay for their own way to Mexico.

 

Anyway I was very frustrated about it all. I did not attend the wedding, but I did attend the 2 events I was invited to and the reception when they came back from mexico. I put on a smile and went through the motions, and am glad I attended those things, but man did I have a need to vent back when it was all going on.

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:grouphug: Sometimes just venting it out helps release all the frustrations about it so you can focus on the good. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent again in the future.

 

I didn't go to my sister's wedding. I was only sort of invited out of obligation anyway. She called me after she mailed them and said "invites have been sent out, I know you can't afford to go but knew I should send you an invite anyway". She was getting married in mexico. I could not afford to take me and my kids to mexico for a week. She had 1 bridal group of those travelling, and 1 for the reception here of girls that were not travelling. That meant 2 bridal showers, 2 stagettes etc. I was invited to 1 of each. The difference being though she was paying for her own wedding since everyone had to pay for their own way to Mexico.

 

 

Anyway I was very frustrated about it all. I did not attend the wedding, but I did attend the 2 events I was invited to and the reception when they came back from mexico. I put on a smile and went through the motions, and am glad I attended those things, but man did I have a need to vent back when it was all going on.

 

Thanks. It just stinks having a self centered member of the family. I think you are right, it does help to vent. I think I will just look forward to this as a beautiful event that my parents are throwing instead of about her:tongue_smilie:. I just have this fear she is going to make a complete fool of herself and throw some kind of fit....or starting actually yelling at people and insulting like she usually does.

 

LIbrarylover- I was sort of being sarcastic about the stuffy food. My dad suggested a buffet style because his friend who owns a butcher shop has someone that also caters and they gave t his to me as a gift to my wedding and wanted to extend the same generous gift. It was delicious, and set up beautifully. She could choose the foods she wanted also, not to mention she expects they pay for it all and this would save them thousands of dollars. Her response was something to the likes of "well, I mean it was fine for THEM...." a snotty remark like a buffet set up is not good enough.

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Or you could email this thread to your sister and see if she still wants you to be her matron of honor after reading it. Maybe she'll kindly spare you all the suffering by retracting the invitation.

 

:iagree: You criticize your sister's manners and family feeling, but I'm hard pressed to think of worse manners and family feeling than acting all smiles and lovey-dovey to her face and then tearing her apart behind her back. In public.

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Thanks. It just stinks having a self centered member of the family. I think you are right, it does help to vent. I think I will just look forward to this as a beautiful event that my parents are throwing instead of about her:tongue_smilie:. I just have this fear she is going to make a complete fool of herself and throw some kind of fit....or starting actually yelling at people and insulting like she usually does.

 

LIbrarylover- I was sort of being sarcastic about the stuffy food. My dad suggested a buffet style because his friend who owns a butcher shop has someone that also caters and they gave t his to me as a gift to my wedding and wanted to extend the same generous gift. It was delicious, and set up beautifully. She could choose the foods she wanted also, not to mention she expects they pay for it all and this would save them thousands of dollars. Her response was something to the likes of "well, I mean it was fine for THEM...." a snotty remark like a buffet set up is not good enough.

 

If she pulls that either get up and leave or pull out the video camera and youtube it so she can win bridezilla of the year. ;)

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If she pulls that either get up and leave or pull out the video camera and youtube it so she can win bridezilla of the year. ;)

 

OMG my mom just asked me if she's going to be a bridezilla :lol:. DId that come from somewhere I don't know of? I've never heard the term.

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:iagree: You criticize your sister's manners and family feeling, but I'm hard pressed to think of worse manners and family feeling than acting all smiles and lovey-dovey to her face and then tearing her apart behind her back. In public.

 

Sorry but unless you have walked a mile......

And there have been PLENTY of threads around here that have people venting about friends/family. I think extending some grace or hugs to someone who is frustrated is far more helpful than sarcasm from others, especially when we aren't aware of all of the other facts in anyone's situation.

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Sorry but unless you have walked a mile......

And there have been PLENTY of threads around here that have people venting about friends/family. I think extending some grace or hugs to someone who is frustrated is far more helpful than sarcasm from others, especially when we aren't aware of all of the other facts in anyone's situation.

 

Ya I don't even care. Some people just decide here and there to be sarcastic and not actually read the entire thread. Whatever....

 

Oh yeah and this is not public. Especially not hers as she thinks homeschooling is ridiculous.

 

Here you go, bridezilla think bridal version of godzilla out to smash the masses

 

:lol::lol:

Edited by 425lisamarie
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Drumroll...........dddddddddd..........

 

My sister's upcoming wedding :glare:. Bleh. I'm disappointed but not surprised. It's next May and I have almost a year of this to deal with. The place she is having it cost more than my entire wedding and I am not exaggerating. My gracious parents paid for our entire thing, and we paid for a few flights in. My dad's friend who owns a butcher shop gave me the gift of a delicious buffet which was so fun, and everyone loved it. Everything was reasonable.

 

She wants a caterer, stuffy plated food, a $3000 wedding dress, and two hours away from us. I have been told I am lucky because I am the closest one, and everyone else has to drive so much further or fly. WHich is not even true, it's just her manipulation to keep everyone "shut up and don't ruin my event." She has manipulated my mom into feeling sorry for her and getting a free life and everything she wants every time something is hard and she screws up. She has a completely subsidized college education right now, and has not worked for 3 years. My parents are still paying her brand new Mazda car payment.

 

Yeah, I'll be there smiling with bells on as the Matron of honor with all of her trashy bridesmaids who will be drunk in minutes after the I do's. It is just the obnoxious sense of entitlement she has. And the fact that we work our tails off, yet I am "lucky" to not have to work.

 

Anyone else have a sibling who is a complete brat and manipulates to get whatever they want? And somehow is granted a crown because after all they are finally doing something with their life after screwing up the last 15 years partying and being irresponsible? Yuck. It's a really good thing I have developed a fabulous fake smile and obnoxiously happy persona in times like this.

 

I'm done.

Sounds like the plot of something I landed on on cable last night. "Don't be Tardy for the Wedding". The star had her own Mom booted from the wedding because Mom attempted to go inside the house to use the restroom instead of using the portable toilets provided for the guests.

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:iagree: You criticize your sister's manners and family feeling, but I'm hard pressed to think of worse manners and family feeling than acting all smiles and lovey-dovey to her face and then tearing her apart behind her back. In public.

 

Sorry but unless you have walked a mile......

And there have been PLENTY of threads around here that have people venting about friends/family. I think extending some grace or hugs to someone who is frustrated is far more helpful than sarcasm from others, especially when we aren't aware of all of the other facts in anyone's situation.

 

I wasn't being at all sarcastic. I was being straightforward.

 

I have an extremely difficult sister, so much so that I didn't see most of my family for more than two years because of the trouble she threatened to cause me. Because of my sister, my relationship with my mother was severely damaged. Don't try to tell me about "walking a mile."

 

The difference is that you wouldn't find me acting as my sister's matron of honor and pretending that everything was awesome between us.

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I wasn't being at all sarcastic. I was being straightforward.

 

I have an extremely difficult sister, so much so that I didn't see most of my family for more than two years because of the trouble she threatened to cause me. Because of my sister, my relationship with my mother was severely damaged. Don't try to tell me about "walking a mile."

 

The difference is that you wouldn't find me acting as my sister's matron of honor and pretending that everything was awesome between us.

 

And the OP refuses to allow her sister to damage her family relationships, so she smiles and nods.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: To OP. I have a sister who tries to be difficult like that sometimes, but we've all wised up over the years (including my parents) and she has grown and matured because of it. We still have to put our foot down on her once in awhile, but she does eventually recognize the boundaries and respect them.

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Quite honestly, it just sounds like she wants a more expensive wedding than you're used to. That doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world.

 

Personally, my wedding was more modest than those of my family and friends. Their weddings are just like the wedding you described with the "stuffy" plated food, and this is basically expected where I'm from. It describes almost every wedding I've ever been to, and my family members are not wealthy. Some variations included ice sculptures and hired bagpipe performers. Not my style but I'm not complaining just because I didn't care for those at my own wedding.

 

It's also personal preference. I don't like being the center of attention, even on a wedding day; others feel like their wedding is the best, most deserved reason to be the center of attention. I was the maid of honor for my best friend, an amazing person, and she also had us get our hair done at the salon of her choice, and she paid. It's really not unheard of and I don't think you need to feel insulted.

 

I can see how you might find it annoying to think your sister is manipulating your parents, but that is between them. As far as the distance some people will have to travel--that is up to them if they can make it or not. I think the bride in this instance will need to accept that not everyone will be able to make it. But isn't that always the case? That's for her to be worried about, not you.

 

Or perhaps you are upset because you feel like your sister gets more from your parents than you ever did. I don't know. But how long ago was your wedding? Are your parents in a better place financially now than they were when you were married? I got married more than a decade after my sister did, and that is a long time--things can change a lot. My sister did not go to college until after she was married so my parents paid for her entire wedding. They paid for a lot of my college expenses and had less to spend on my wedding--they helped but didn't pay for the whole thing. Which again, was just fine, I had the wedding I wanted.

 

Did you have the wedding you wanted?

 

Is it possible your parents helped you in other ways that do not apply to your sister?

Edited by OH_Homeschooler
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Yikes.

I can't relate. I'm an only child. When I was a kid, I was really sad about that. However, as an adult I realize that the sibling rivalry never really goes away, and I'm happy I don't have to deal with it.

 

Hope it all works out for you, OP.

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She has manipulated my mom into feeling sorry for her and getting a free life and everything she wants every time something is hard and she screws up. She has a completely subsidized college education right now, and has not worked for 3 years. My parents are still paying her brand new Mazda car payment.

 

 

 

Sounds like your parent's are enablers. You can be angry and this bridezilla, but she seems to have plenty of support from your folks.

 

I would be pretty upset with my parents for subsidizing her bad behavior.

 

Just my .02

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And the OP refuses to allow her sister to damage her family relationships, so she smiles and nods.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: To OP. I have a sister who tries to be difficult like that sometimes, but we've all wised up over the years (including my parents) and she has grown and matured because of it. We still have to put our foot down on her once in awhile, but she does eventually recognize the boundaries and respect them.

 

That's pretty much it. The problem is she does the "whatever if you don't like it don't come" kind of thing and is totally ungrateful. If it is one of her FRIENDS she will jump through hoops.

 

OH_homeschooler - no I'm not mad at her, it's not about her getting more or whatever, and yes I had the wedding I wanted. I did not want to set my parents back more than they have and I know they wanted to try to cover everything. I'm upset that she is trying to manipulate in to spending many more THOUSANDS of dollars than my parents were originally planning to give. I told them they need to just give her an amount, and they can come up with the rest. She just makes my mom feel bad in such a way that is hard for her to say no.

 

And no I am not going to be upset with my parents. SHe is over 30, she can be responsible for being an adult and not manipulating people. My mom does not want to lose a relationship with her, so she tries to give in. After the wedding husband is responsible for her, so she cannot come asking for money. We are just venting trying to get through a stressful event due to her rudeness and lack of concern for people's feelings. My dad is already cutting off the financial after the wedding finally.

 

It's a tough spot.

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Anyone else have a sibling who is a complete brat and manipulates to get whatever they want? And somehow is granted a crown because after all they are finally doing something with their life after screwing up the last 15 years partying and being irresponsible? Yuck. It's a really good thing I have developed a fabulous fake smile and obnoxiously happy persona in times like this.

 

I'm done.

Yup. :mad:
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Sorry but unless you have walked a mile......

And there have been PLENTY of threads around here that have people venting about friends/family. I think extending some grace or hugs to someone who is frustrated is far more helpful than sarcasm from others, especially when we aren't aware of all of the other facts in anyone's situation.

:iagree:

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An hour before the wedding, the bride requested that my oldest and the other disabled child not be in the wedding. She said they could still wear their dresses to the wedding (since we had already bought them) and they could be in pictures, but not in the actual wedding

 

How horrible! I'm :confused::confused::confused: about 'allowing" them to wear the dress.... an hour before the wedding they were supposed to *be* in, most people just don't have another outfit ready to go.

 

And to the OP :grouphug:

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After the wedding husband is responsible for her, so she cannot come asking for money. We are just venting trying to get through a stressful event due to her rudeness and lack of concern for people's feelings. My dad is already cutting off the financial after the wedding finally.

 

It's a tough spot.

 

Want to make a bet??? My sis guilts my parents into helping her, a lot. My parents told me that they couldn't make the 25 minute drive to my house because they couldn't afford the gas! But, they can take sis and her family out to dinner or order in a couple of times a week. Yeah, your sister can and will try coming back and asking for help financially once she is married. Why wouldn't she??? It's always worked before!

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I didn't attend my brother's third wedding as we had literally moved just a few days beforehand. He's now divorced, for the third time.

 

My BIL and SIL have a dynamic with my MIL/FIL that is similar to what you describe with your sister. MIL enables IMO, and it has been a long-standing thing. It is frustrating to see. MIL is getting run into the ground physically as the result of their demands on her for childcare and so forth, and MIL/FIL continue to heap money their way for various things that just continue to enable BIL/SIL's decisions. It is very, very frustrating to witness. DH and I aren't sure what to do. We can see MIL's health and well-being deteriorating, but I feel the dynamic is between MIL/FIL and BIL/SIL. But, how far do you let BIL/SIL exploit MIL before stepping in and saying something? It is incredibly frustrating to witness. I have gently tried to encourage MIL to set boundaries, telling her it is okay to say no when she has too much on her plate, but she won't. Ever. It will never, ever happen even though I assure her it isn't a bad thing to say no once in a while. That's as far as I've taken it, and only in very broad, non specific terms.

 

At the same time, I don't think having plated food makes a wedding stuffy. It seems like maybe you'd be annoyed even if SIL was paying out of her own pocket, but maybe I'm misunderstanding. I do sympathize though that it is tough to see her spending on an elaborate wedding that is more than your parents can afford. Perhaps gently encouraging your mom to advocate for herself and set a limit on the budget would be okay if your mom brings up the bridezilla thing.

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Eh, if she were a friend would you be this hard on her? I know it doesn't seem that way, sometimes, but people who behave as she does make their own crosses to carry in life. If this one is the heaviest you'll bear, you're very lucky. Try to be happy for her. :grouphug:

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Want to make a bet??? My sis guilts my parents into helping her, a lot. My parents told me that they couldn't make the 25 minute drive to my house because they couldn't afford the gas! But, they can take sis and her family out to dinner or order in a couple of times a week. Yeah, your sister can and will try coming back and asking for help financially once she is married. Why wouldn't she??? It's always worked before!

 

Yeah, that's my worry. She SAYS her fiance is very serious about taking care of her etc....but I haven't really seen it. She decided she needed a brand new car while she was working part time. My mom would never co sign so she got in her name and sis makes payments. Then she decides a part time job interferes with her ability to go to the gym daily and she is too tired to study. Gee, I wonder how people with kids and have to work and go back to school make it :glare:. SO, mom is stuck with the payments obviously. My dad is bitter about that one and I don't blame him. He's been wanting a new boat for 10 years. DH told my dad he should offer to sell fiance the car :lol:. My issue is just the horrible attitude. The rudeness, insulting, etc. But if my mother cannot stand up and my dad has to forgo one more year without fishing because of this I am going to have a hard time not saying something.

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At the same time, I don't think having plated food makes a wedding stuffy. It seems like maybe you'd be annoyed even if SIL was paying out of her own pocket, but maybe I'm misunderstanding.

 

No, I do not have a problem with plated food. I responded to that already about it being sarcastic. The issue was my dad has a nice dear friend who donated all the food to our wedding as a gift and offered the same gift for her. They did buffet style, because he has a catering friend and it was wonderful. It would save thousands of dollars. They do not want to pay for ANY of their wedding, so it seems then you would be willing to compromise somewhere:confused:.

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No, I do not have a problem with plated food. I responded to that already about it being sarcastic. The issue was my dad has a nice dear friend who donated all the food to our wedding as a gift and offered the same gift for her. They did buffet style, because he has a catering friend and it was wonderful. It would save thousands of dollars. They do not want to pay for ANY of their wedding, so it seems then you would be willing to compromise somewhere:confused:.

 

The person/people paying for the wedding are the hosts and should have final say over their budget, as well as things that keep it in the budget.

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Hmmm...I think I understand where you're coming from. My youngest sister is only 19, but there has been some behavior lately from her that has me :001_huh:? I love her so much, I'm 13 years older than her, I have always felt half sister and half mother to her. But as she's turning into an adult I'm not too thrilled with the person she's become. I think a lot of it has to do with my parents being older and much more tired and instead of standing their ground on many things they cave, to keep her happy. Unless she wants something from you, she hardly talks to you. When she needs something, she's as sweet (fake) as can be.

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Thanks everyone for your comments. EVen the criticism directed toward my intentions and character are well taken. I have mulled it over, and after a glass of wine (maybe two) LOL and a wonderful fri evening watching my kids play and talking with my dear friends (parents of kid's friends) while watching them, I have realized I am just in such a different place. I hope she gets there one day, but until then I am just going to continue taking the high road and supporting her ideas, while modeling good behaviour and proper language toward others.

 

And I really was just venting. It is hard to watch your loved parents who try to do everything to make their children happy, manipulated and mistreated.

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lisamarie, I was going to suggest just where you ended up. I have a BIL that sounds a lot like your sister. He makes awful choices and then expects family members to pick up the pieces for him. My MIL still pays for a lot of his bills. Holidays often revolve around him and what he wants or even if he is going to show up. He is selfish and never thinks about how his choices are going to affect others.

 

But you know what? I have a fullfilling life. I have a wonderful family. Because of the choices we've made with our income, we are able to take care of our family without relying on others. I live a drama free happy life.

 

So I've learned to let go of the stress that comes from being upset about his choices. If my MIL chooses to pay for his phone-bill and car payment, so be it. If she chooses to get up at 2 AM and drive 8 hours to rescue him from some situation he's in, so be it. I choose not to get upset and stress about that drama. It isn't my life. I can choose not to get involved in the drama without cutting myself out of the family.

 

Anyway--hope this helped some.

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Sounds like your parent's are enablers. You can be angry and this bridezilla' date=' but she seems to have plenty of support from your folks.

 

I would be pretty upset with my parents for subsidizing her bad behavior.

 

Just my .02[/quote']

 

The parents are enablers, but many, many parents have been enablers to their children and it doesn't make it any easier to witness. I've witnessed my sweet grandpa completely manipulated into bailing out my uncle many, many times, paying for my cousins schooling, supporting said cousins when they didn't want to work - all because this uncle was sent to boarding school when he was 15 (he's 62 now). Grandpa is an enabler, but once the pattern is set it is terribly hard to change it.

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Oh yes, I have siblings who are taking a loooooong time to grow up. And have gotten a tremendous amount of help from my parents, while I've been giving my parents money to pay of "their own" bills . . . .

 

If it's any comfort, they do eventually grow up. Some people just take longer than others.

 

I can tell you love your sister and you're going to do the right thing. I understand about needing a nice vent even about people you would die for.

 

For peace's sake, don't compare your siblings to yourself. Just look for the good in them and love them.

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