Question about homosexuality

[mom31257]

I'm not trying to start a huge debate here because, even though I'm a conservative Christian, I believe consenting adults should be able to do what they want, even get married. I feel that this board is a place you can bring an honest question and people will hear you out. I hope my faith in the board is right! When I saw this photo of a famous female couple marrying, it made me wonder something that I really want to know.

 

If lesbians are attracted to women, why is it that lesbian couples usually end up with one being very masculine? It just seems to me that if you really like women, you would like feminine women. Is being homosexual just a physical thing, in that you still the opposite qualities of a man but are attracted to women's bodies more?

[Laura Corin]

The lesbian couples I know don't conform to that stereotype. Both tend to be well-turned out in a neutral kind of way: not lots of make-up or high heels, but just normal. There's a big cross-over between lesbian and feminist outlooks, so many would avoid stereotypical highly feminised looks.

 

Laura

[Slartibartfast]

I'm not trying to start a huge debate here because, even though I'm a conservative Christian, I believe consenting adults should be able to do what they want, even get married. I feel that this board is a place you can bring an honest question and people will hear you out. I hope my faith in the board is right! When I saw this photo of a famous female couple marrying, it made me wonder something that I really want to know.

 

If lesbians are attracted to women, why is it that lesbian couples usually end up with one being very masculine? It just seems to me that if you really like women, you would like feminine women. Is being homosexual just a physical thing, in that you still the opposite qualities of a man but are attracted to women's bodies more?

 

I think that is more of a stereotype than accurate.

 

The lesbian couples I know are not like that, some likely are but not all.

[Bluegoat]

I agree that isn't normative among lesbians, but there does seem to be a sort of sub-set of that type around - I have known a few and I can't myself see the appeal.

 

But then, I think people find a lot of weird things attractive. Brad Pitt comes to mind, or Tom Cruise. Both make me :confused:

[kalanamak]

 

If lesbians are attracted to women, why is it that lesbian couples usually end up with one being very masculine? It just seems to me that if you really like women, you would like feminine women. Is being homosexual just a physical thing, in that you still the opposite qualities of a man but are attracted to women's bodies more?

 

I've always had gay friends, starting about age 16, and I don't know one couple where one is "very masculine". I know one couple where the half who has a "man's job" (carpentry) is the "emotional" half. Both the women are very curvy and female in body. I know a pair who are both fairly slim, small, and athletic, but until you see them and their kids together, no one guesses. So, where are you meeting these couple with a "very masculine" half?

[Dealea86]

I think I remember reading somewhere that this was the style (that's probably the wrong way to put it, but you know what I mean) many years ago and that pretty much all lesbians conformed to that stereotype. These days it's not as common - even having fallen out of favor. But for older women, they might have been influenced by that culture so they still do it? IDK....:confused:

[mom31257]

I've always had gay friends, starting about age 16, and I don't know one couple where one is "very masculine". I know one couple where the half who has a "man's job" (carpentry) is the "emotional" half. Both the women are very curvy and female in body. I know a pair who are both fairly slim, small, and athletic, but until you see them and their kids together, no one guesses. So, where are you meeting these couple with a "very masculine" half?

 

I'm basing it on photos such as the one I listed and couples I've seen out in stores, Disneyworld, etc. I've ever known a homosexual couple personally.

[PeacefulChaos]

I've wondered that as well.

I admit, I don't know many lesbians. The only ones I am familiar with are more masculine, in dress and the way they carry themselves. Aside from that, I usually only see pictures of celebrities and whatnot.

[Tap]

I don't think one has anything to do with the other.

 

There are women who like men. Big, burley hairy, muscular men. Thin, manicured, ascot-wearing men. It has nothing to do with being heterosexual. It has nothing to do with being homosexual. The outside, just has to do with physical attraction. The physical gender of the person, to whom they have sex with, is something different entirely.

 

It has to do with our societal expectations and stereotypes on clumping gender and sex together in to one thing, which they are most definitely not they same.

[catz]

Maybe this is the sort of thing that stands out for gay couples, but not so much for straight couples. My husband isn't the most macho masculine "dude" sort of guy. He really isn't. He isn't girly, but definitely wouldn't rank up there with the "dudes". But does that stand out so much? No. People probably don't think about it too hard.

 

Good point. My DH is not the super macho type either and it isn't likely my DS will be either. I know many, many lesbian couples, most raising children and it really varies from family to family.

[beaners]

I can think of two couples off the top of my head who fit the stereotype, and I can think of a few that don't. I've never really speculated on the "why" behind it.

[regentrude]

The lesbian couples I know don't conform to that stereotype. Both tend to be well-turned out in a neutral kind of way: not lots of make-up or high heels, but just normal.

:iagree:That is my experience as well.

[Deniseibase]

Probably a big part of the why is simply that lesbians who are more 'normal-looking' or 'feminine-looking' don't tend to stand out to us as lesbians. AND because our culture tends to look down on lesbians in a lot of ways, a lot of lesbians don't go out of their way to 'stand out' or don't let it be known that they are lesbians except to people they are very close to. So probably most of us know a lot of lesbians, we just don't KNOW that they are lesbians. Especially those of us who live in more conservative states where the social stigma would be even higher.

[WishboneDawn]

I'm basing it on photos such as the one I listed and couples I've seen out in stores, Disneyworld, etc. I've ever known a homosexual couple personally.

 

That's probably the problem. You're getting images through the press which operates with it's own stereotypes and filters.

 

ETA: Cynthia Nixon's dress is GORGEOUS!!!

[mommymilkies]

I'm basing it on photos such as the one I listed and couples I've seen out in stores, Disneyworld, etc. I've ever known a homosexual couple personally.

 

That's like saying that all hetero women like men with hairy chests. I have not found the OP's stereotype to be true at all. And dressing up for a photo op in a magazine is likely not what the couple's real life is like.

[AuntieM]

Maybe this is the sort of thing that stands out for gay couples, but not so much for straight couples. My husband isn't the most macho masculine "dude" sort of guy. He really isn't. He isn't girly, but definitely wouldn't rank up there with the "dudes". But does that stand out so much? No. People probably don't think about it too hard.

 

I personally think androgeny is becoming more socially prevalent (not physiologically speaking, but as it applies to gender roles and appearance). I think much of that change has been affected by education institutions.

 

Personally, I know two lesbian couples. In each the family operates quite traditionally, with one being the breadwinner and the other the stay at home homemaker (and in one case mom to two kids). The people in the breadwinner roles are feminine in terms of dress, though more athletic than curvy. They are, however, more masculine in mannerisms and interests and at neighborhood/family gatherings, tend to hang out with the guys, discussing vehicles, job woes, and lawn care.

 

Admittedly, my survey sample is very small. I have met many lesbians over the years. I hate to draw any conclusions about the ones I know to be lesbians, because I can't offer balancing information for all those I've met who chose not to announce their sexu@l preference in public.

[angela in ohio]

In the OP's defense, the linked photo is not media spin or a photo spread. It is a photo of the *actual* wedding outfits they wore and their actual appearance. It is similar to several other high-profile female-female wedding photos.

 

It's fine to tell her, "yes, I see the photo(s), but that't not necessarily typical," but you can't blame her for asking the questions based on the photo(s). :001_smile:

[justLisa]

We have neighbors that are lesbians. They are very mean, but so is the crazy lady who lives down the street from my mom. I had to laugh because their doormat says go away, however I pulled all of their weeds one day because they are also lazy, and have a field of dandelions growing, and never clean up their trash, so they like me :D. However, I have never considered any of this to have anything to do with being lesbian, just like I never think of their looks to have anything to do with it.

 

I don't really understand the question. I mean, I've known plenty of woman who are heterosexual and don't really groom themselves, and look a bit "rougher." Maybe i have just always known of and had several gay friends and don't think of it.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Well the main reason for my entire situation is that I. Don't. Like. Boy. Parts. At. All. Period. Full stop. I tolerated boy parts for a while because it was expected of me due to my parents' religion, but after I had a full blown mental breakdown, I decided to live my own life.

 

My beloved spouse, who has been my companion in life for the last 12 years dresses very masculine. She is happy that way and feels comfortable that way. I love the person she is and accept her exterior as-is. She has personal reasons for how she dresses, but they are not mine to share here.

 

I have, in the past, dated many different flavors of ladies. Each person had their own unique style of dress. Each personal style of dress is attached to the individual with their own reasons. Much like heterosexual women, I assume.

 

All of that is to say, although my relationship may look like a stereotypical lesbian arrangement, I fell in love with this specific person. She just happens to prefer a more masculine style of dress. I like dresses, make-up, and French manicures.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I haven't read any replies yet.

 

It's interesting that you ask this. I was seriously considering yesterday asking the same question.

[I.Dup.]

Wow. That picture was... wow. I would have never guessed that was a woman.

 

I agree. :001_huh:

 

I have noticed this, it's hard to believe that people haven't noticed this!

[Laura Corin]

I'm basing it on photos such as the one I listed and couples I've seen out in stores, Disneyworld, etc. I've ever known a homosexual couple personally.

 

You don't register them as couples because they just look like same-sex friends, not the stereotype.

 

Laura

[butterflymommy]

All the gay couples i know (both male and female) will have one partner who is more feminine or submissive while the other is more dominant or masculine. The difference varies from slight to extreme. I see this in hetero couples too, you tend to have a dominant one and a submissive one (and I don't mean any of this in the kinky sense). As far as lesbians looking butchy I'm not sure why this is. I know a lot of straight women who dress drab and boyish, have short hair. I don't like the look but to each his own.

[Bluegoat]

Yeah boy parts are pretty sloppy. :D

 

I think everyone has sloppy parts myself.

[WishboneDawn]

You don't register them as couples because they just look like same-sex friends, not the stereotype.

 

Laura

 

Yup. It's like all those people who think homeschoolers are either hippies or ultra-conservative Christian. It's because those are the ones that stand out and conform to their stereotypes. All of us normal-looking homeschoolers never register as homeschoolers when they see us.

[WishboneDawn]

I think everyone has sloppy parts myself.

 

:lol:

[I.Dup.]

I don't like boy parts either, yuck!!

 

I also don't find myself liking vagin*s....hmmm...what does that mean? LOL

[acablue]

If lesbians are attracted to women, why is it that lesbian couples usually end up with one being very masculine? It just seems to me that if you really like women, you would like feminine women.

I definitely don't think that lesbian couples usually have one masculine and one feminine woman. I do see exactly what you mean about celebrity couples making it seem like all homosexual couples are like that, but in my experience it definitely isn't the case. Some lesbians are attracted to masculine women. Some are attracted to more feminine women. Some like both. I don't think their own masculinity/ femininity has much to do with it.

 

Is being homosexual just a physical thing, in that you still the opposite qualities of a man but are attracted to women's bodies more?

Being homosexual is most definitely not just a physical thing. Think about it for a minute. Apart from the physical side, do you think you could fall as deeply in love with a woman as you are with your husband? I know I couldn't.

[PeacefulChaos]

Yeah boy parts are pretty sloppy. :D

 

For real. The male body is not, IMO, an art form. :ack2: :lol:

[In the Rain]

Well the main reason for my entire situation is that I. Don't. Like. Boy. Parts. At. All. Period. Full stop. I tolerated boy parts for a while because it was expected of me due to my parents' religion, but after I had a full blown mental breakdown, I decided to live my own life.

 

My beloved spouse, who has been my companion in life for the last 12 years dresses very masculine. She is happy that way and feels comfortable that way. I love the person she is and accept her exterior as-is. She has personal reasons for how she dresses, but they are not mine to share here.

 

I have, in the past, dated many different flavors of ladies. Each person had their own unique style of dress. Each personal style of dress is attached to the individual with their own reasons. Much like heterosexual women, I assume.

 

All of that is to say, although my relationship may look like a stereotypical lesbian arrangement, I fell in love with this specific person. She just happens to prefer a more masculine style of dress. I like dresses, make-up, and French manicures.

 

Thanks for sharing. You made a great point about homosexual and heterosexual people just having their own personal style. I notice couples that meet the stereotype in the linked photo when I am out in public. I guess they stand out to me because they match the stereotype. :lol: Of the three lesbian couples I know personally, none of them match the stereotype. I just don't think people would notice them in public and know they were lesbians.

[In the Rain]

For real. The male body is not, IMO, an art form. :ack2: :lol:

 

:lol:

[KungFuPanda]

I'm basing it on photos such as the one I listed and couples I've seen out in stores, Disneyworld, etc. I've ever known a homosexual couple personally.

 

You don't register them as couples because they just look like same-sex friends, not the stereotype.

 

Laura

:iagree: Stealth Lesbians. They're out there!

 

 

I don't like boy parts either, yuck!!

 

I also don't find myself liking vagin*s....hmmm...what does that mean? LOL

 

Um, I like boy parts sooooo much.

:leaving:

[*********]

I'll share my personal experience.

 

I have a *very* close relative who identifies as gay. In the past few years she has cut her hair off so that it's shorter than the boys today wear it, as well as completely changing the way she dresses from 'normal girl clothes' to boy's clothes.

 

I think it is her way of trying to match what she looks like on the outside to what she feels like on the inside. I don't know if that makes any sense; I'm not quite sure how to put it.

 

Also, I think the op's perception is driven by the fact that the sort of lebsbian couple that's identifiable to perfect strangers is the sort in which one partner looks masculine and the other feminine. I mean, if you saw two average, 'girly' looking women walking around Disneyworld, one assumes they're friends. If you see a 'butch' (sorry if that's offfensive, I don't mean to offend) woman walking around with a feminine looking woman, one assumes 'lesbian couple'.

[I.Dup.]

 

Um, I like boy parts sooooo much.

:leaving:

 

What's to like? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I love men. I find men sexy, I find being with a man wonderful. But boy parts are just...so awkward. And ugly. lol I don't find vagin*s attractive in the least bit either. Maybe I am asexual? In all reality my husband and I have a very active sex life. I just don't care for the parts, lol.

[Dustybug]

I've known many lesbian couples and all of them have fit that stereotype to a degree. All of them had one more masculine partner who seemed to dress more like men and one was more feminine (but not necessarily girly). My cousin was born a female but now lives as a man after having hormone treatments and surgery and is married to a woman. Before she had her surgery, she wore her hair in a short boyish haircut and wore masculine clothing as well. I know that not all lesbian couple fit this mold, but I've never personally met any that didn't. I never asked, but I would guess that it was because of something like Bethany said about them trying to match the outside to how they feel on the inside? I don't know.

[Mommyfaithe]

I've met lesbian couples comprised of two very masculine women. I do think it varies.

 

:iagree:

 

I think most of the gay or lesbian couples I know look like every other couple I know. Each have their own look or level of style. I have seen hetero couples where the man is more femininish than the woman...

 

There is no regular...every couple is just different....

[Mommyfaithe]

What's to like? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I love men. I find men sexy, I find being with a man wonderful. But boy parts are just...so awkward. And ugly. lol I don't find vagin*s attractive in the least bit either. Maybe I am asexual? In all reality my husband and I have a very active sex life. I just don't care for the parts, lol.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I SO agree......lol....and blushing just a bit...OY!

[acablue]

What's to like? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I love men. I find men sexy, I find being with a man wonderful. But boy parts are just...so awkward. And ugly. lol I don't find vagin*s attractive in the least bit either. Maybe I am asexual? In all reality my husband and I have a very active sex life. I just don't care for the parts, lol.

Okay. Time for me to stop reading this thread. :tongue_smilie:

[Mommyfaithe]

You don't register them as couples because they just look like same-sex friends, not the stereotype.

 

Laura

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Same as guys. Just because they are gay doesn't mean one is walking around in leather chaps. THAT would register....lol. 2 guys hanging out working on the car...or building an addition....well, that wouldn't register.

[SKL]

Even among pairs of friends who are not homosexual, there is always one person who is more "dominant" than the other, and one who dresses more / less feminine/masculine than the other. Why would that not be the case with dating / married couples?

 

Can you really tell just by seeing them on the street who's homosexual and who isn't? I hope most people don't go around "getting it on" in public.

 

I think that a lot of times, the homosexuals who take on a sort of "extreme" way of dressing (compared to others of the same gender) are exhibiting a symptom of some baggage they are carrying around. And sometimes, they are making a "statement" or otherwise seeking attention.

 

But in that wedding photo that was linked, it seems to me it was bound to be awkward regardless, due to the whole forcing the couple into "bride" and "groom" roles, neither of which reflects the individuals' daily lives or preferences.

[Guest]

 

I think that a lot of times, the homosexuals who take on a sort of "extreme" way of dressing (compared to others of the same gender) are exhibiting a symptom of some baggage they are carrying around. And sometimes, they are making a "statement" or otherwise seeking attention.

 

 

This is what I wonder about. I wonder if a guy with all the exterior mannerisms and extreme gay affect is just trying to keep it all out in the open, so he won't have to continually "inform" people that he's gay. Or same with a girl who looks very specifically masculine and acts "butch." Is she trying to make it externally obvious so she won't have to bring anyone up to speed? Kwim? I mean, there are some people with whom you never wonder, you get the picture within 2 minutes of meeting them. They couldn't announce their preferences more clearly if they had a flashing neon tee-shirt that said, "I'M GAY!" That always seem to me like an intentional affect, not just how they naturally tend to be.

[I.Dup.]

Okay. Time for me to stop reading this thread. :tongue_smilie:

 

Oh no! I thought "Sean" was a little weird for a female name, now I get it. Hahahaha, SORRY!!!!!!

[Rosie_0801]

What's to like? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I love men. I find men sexy, I find being with a man wonderful. But boy parts are just...so awkward. And ugly. lol I don't find vagin*s attractive in the least bit either. Maybe I am asexual? In all reality my husband and I have a very active sex life. I just don't care for the parts, lol.

 

Lol, you're not asexual. :lol: Asexual means no interest in your own bits. They are "dormant" as my brother says.

 

Rosie

[PinkInTheBlue]

Same here! I wondered what that meant also.

 

I'm just glad to find that, once again, it's not just me. Sloppy, yes :) But happy ;) LOL!! :lol:

 

Of the couples I've known I believe they've been and are all over the board: both feminine, both "tough", both middle of the road/normal, one masculine and one feminine. I will say of the lesbians living very near me they all seem to be quite of the more masculine look. I'm in the very south :)

[TranquilMind]

I've met lesbian couples comprised of two very masculine women. I do think it varies.

 

I've met mostly couples like this, and a few who were both feminine.

 

I agree - the masculine woman with a feminine looking woman like Cynthia Nixon flummoxes me. If you want a woman who is indistinguishable from a man, don't you want a man? I don't get it either and would love to know.

[kalanamak]

I don't like boy parts either, yuck!!

 

I also don't find myself liking vagin*s....hmmm...what does that mean? LOL

 

I am reminded of a patient who came to see me with her adolescent daughter (15). It was an "emergency" same-day: the girl had squatted over a mirror and was so horrified at what a freak she was down there, she couldn't stop crying. I had a look. Verdict: normal. I assured her how she looked down there would not impair her in the man department.

 

Re: men. My mother used to say "Turkey neck and turkey gizzards". :lol:

[TranquilMind]

Quill: This is what I wonder about. I wonder if a guy with all the exterior mannerisms and extreme gay affect is just trying to keep it all out in the open, so he won't have to continually "inform" people that he's gay. Or same with a girl who looks very specifically masculine and acts "butch." Is she trying to make it externally obvious so she won't have to bring anyone up to speed?

 

That's actually a good question.

 

Kwim? I mean, there are some people with whom you never wonder, you get the picture within 2 minutes of meeting them. They couldn't announce their preferences more clearly if they had a flashing neon tee-shirt that said, "I'M GAY!" That always seem to me like an intentional affect, not just how they naturally tend to be.

 

Yes, some you don't even have to meet. You can see it across a room. Others, you'd have no idea until the person decided to inform you.

 

Why? Inquiring minds want to know.

[I.Dup.]

I am reminded of a patient who came to see me with her adolescent daughter (15). It was an "emergency" same-day: the girl had squatted over a mirror and was so horrified at what a freak she was down there, she couldn't stop crying. I had a look. Verdict: normal. I assured her how she looked down there would not impair her in the man department.

 

Re: men. My mother used to say "Turkey neck and turkey gizzards". :lol:

 

Oh too funny!! Poor girl. I think I went through similar trauma when I inspected things down there during puberty. I simply don't understand the fascination with either gender's bits. Love that word and will def. be using it from now on. :D

[AdventureMoms]

OK, I think I should probably answer this one, lol...

 

I know a LOT of lesbian women. Most do not fit the stereotype. In fact there's a big joke in the lesbian community about "dating yourself" as many women tend to end up with women who are a lot like them in gender identity etc.

 

However, if I were to post my wedding picture, you would think the same about me. :-D My DW wears mens clothing and "reads" pretty masculine, especially towards outsiders. I "read" pretty feminine, though I also wear men's shorts, because I'm very curvy, have longer hair, and wear feminine cut tops most of the time.

 

For me, personally? I think I like the gender-bending, or people who are not strongly masculine or feminine. The men I have been attracted to in my life are generally fairly feminine. The women usually have at least some masculine traits. It's like the best of both worlds! IDK. But DW is not like a man, even though she is regularly mistaken for one. It's about more than body shape and clothing, kwim? It is a good question though, I'll have to think about it. :-D

[WishboneDawn]

I've met mostly couples like this, and a few who were both feminine.

 

I agree - the masculine woman with a feminine looking woman like Cynthia Nixon flummoxes me. If you want a woman who is indistinguishable from a man, don't you want a man? I don't get it either and would love to know.

 

??? I think Cynthia Nixon loves her wife because of who she is as a person and a woman, not because she's a good pretend man. Gosh, just because she looks rather masculine in one photo does NOT mean she's "indistinguishable" from a man.