Have I just been hanging out with the wrong kind of people or is it me?

[I.Dup.]

I feel like I keep losing friendships, even being guarded as I am. I am so guarded that I make no time for IRL close friendships but I have become emotionally invested into a few friendships online. One in particular, we even brought our entire family to their house, we got pretty close but the past few months since then she has been increasingly cold toward me. It turns out she doesn't think I am submissive enough to my husband and she is disgusted with me because of that. The thing is, I really liked her and looked up to her so it hurts that it turns out she is so angry and disgusted with me. When I confronted her about it, she just got passive aggressive and condescending, like my mom always did when I would confront her on anything. *shudder*

 

I am realizing that I just don't fit in with the conservative Christian circle I have hung around for so many years. We have converted to Catholicism since then, but this conservative Christian circle I have been a part of is largely fundamentalist Protestant. As that conversion has happened, many of the beliefs I used to ascribe to now just make my stomach turn. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

 

It's not that I want to give up on my Christian beliefs, but I am so sick of the judgment and standards that go along with these groups that I have been a part of. Especially when you have a large family. Not only are you supposed to believe a certain way, but you are supposed to make all your food from scratch, be a total health freak and not let any pinch of sugar or anything unclean pass through your lips, pinch every penny, call your kids "treasures and blessings" and act as if things are always roses and peaches all the time, run an organized home, and on and on. The better you are at these things, the more pride you naturally feel.

 

It's disgusting me more and more and just pi$$ing me off. No wonder I keep losing friendships, huh.

 

As my friendships keep falling apart, I feel that it certainly must have something to do with me. I can't blame it all on the fact they are complete freaks. :tongue_smilie: I also feel a lot of...hatred?...toward these people, esp. when things like this happen. Obviously that isn't good. I seriously want to kick her in the face. :glare:

 

I thought we were supposed to be getting more confident and self-assured as we get older? So why am I still so rocked when people don't like me? :sad:

[PeacefulChaos]

I have absolutely no advice for you, but I just wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. Not the same situation, exactly, but I just don't really fit in with a lot of people... I have very few close friends IRL, lots of acquaintances/people that I'm friendly with. We just don't line up with people a lot on what we think - many times because of things that we don't agree with or just go blindly along with.

It's frustrating. I'm actually feeling some of the effects of it today, as we were left out of something, even if it wasn't on purpose. It just leaves me feeling like people would rather not be around us because we don't ascribe to exactly what they do. And it annoys me.

Anyway, sorry about the vent. :) I could go on and on... but I'll refrain. :)

Just wanted you to know, I know how it is. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

[Mommyfaithe]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

:iagree::iagree: You said it!!!

[I.Dup.]

I have absolutely no advice for you, but I just wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. Not the same situation, exactly, but I just don't really fit in with a lot of people... I have very few close friends IRL, lots of acquaintances/people that I'm friendly with. We just don't line up with people a lot on what we think - many times because of things that we don't agree with or just go blindly along with.

It's frustrating. I'm actually feeling some of the effects of it today, as we were left out of something, even if it wasn't on purpose. It just leaves me feeling like people would rather not be around us because we don't ascribe to exactly what they do. And it annoys me.

Anyway, sorry about the vent. :) I could go on and on... but I'll refrain. :)

Just wanted you to know, I know how it is. :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry you understand as this is incredibly frustrating, but it helps to know it's not only me dealing with this kind of frustration, so thank you for sharing. :grouphug:

 

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

 

Thank you. You are right. I deal with "scruples" and am so hard on myself already, so it's hard for me to imagine that everything isn't my fault. But ****, these people can be so ridiculous!!!!!!!!! Ugh!

[Kaleidoscope]

. Not only are you supposed to believe a certain way, but you are supposed to make all your food from scratch, be a total health freak and not let any pinch of sugar or anything unclean pass through your lips, pinch every penny, call your kids "treasures and blessings" and act as if things are always roses and peaches all the time, run an organized home, and on and on.

:

 

Well if it makes you feel any better I do or aim for lots of the things you listed, it's disgustingly stereotypical I know, and I still don't fit in to that crowd. Problem is no other circle would accept me either since they judge me by how I feed my kids, spend my time, and manage my life.

 

It's just a lose-lose.

[I.Dup.]

It's just a lose-lose.

 

I'm sure you're right that it's a lose-lose. I'm just especially disenchanted with those particular things since I've seen the "fruit" of it for so many years. I am not looking at it from a balanced point of view, I know.

[Trish]

I feel like I keep losing friendships, even being guarded as I am. I am so guarded that I make no time for IRL close friendships but I have become emotionally invested into a few friendships online. One in particular, we even brought our entire family to their house, we got pretty close but the past few months since then she has been increasingly cold toward me. It turns out she doesn't think I am submissive enough to my husband and she is disgusted with me because of that. The thing is, I really liked her and looked up to her so it hurts that it turns out she is so angry and disgusted with me. When I confronted her about it, she just got passive aggressive and condescending, like my mom always did when I would confront her on anything. *shudder*

 

I am realizing that I just don't fit in with the conservative Christian circle I have hung around for so many years. We have converted to Catholicism since then, but this conservative Christian circle I have been a part of is largely fundamentalist Protestant. As that conversion has happened, many of the beliefs I used to ascribe to now just make my stomach turn. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

 

It's not that I want to give up on my Christian beliefs, but I am so sick of the judgment and standards that go along with these groups that I have been a part of. Especially when you have a large family. Not only are you supposed to believe a certain way, but you are supposed to make all your food from scratch, be a total health freak and not let any pinch of sugar or anything unclean pass through your lips, pinch every penny, call your kids "treasures and blessings" and act as if things are always roses and peaches all the time, run an organized home, and on and on. The better you are at these things, the more pride you naturally feel.

 

It's disgusting me more and more and just pi$$ing me off. No wonder I keep losing friendships, huh.

 

As my friendships keep falling apart, I feel that it certainly must have something to do with me. I can't blame it all on the fact they are complete freaks. :tongue_smilie: I also feel a lot of...hatred?...toward these people, esp. when things like this happen. Obviously that isn't good. I seriously want to kick her in the face. :glare:

 

I thought we were supposed to be getting more confident and self-assured as we get older? So why am I still so rocked when people don't like me? :sad:

 

I don't think it's you, I think your sort of being punished for not following the group ideology closely enough. I think you need a fresh set of friends who like you for you, not for what you believe or how you practice those beliefs. In my particular Catholic community people are all over the map with their beliefs, from liberal to conservative, and in general people aren't too judgmental because they do their own thing. Life's too short for super judgy people.

 

I wouldn't be inclined to want to please this friend who has gone cold. If she only liked you for your similarity of belief, it wasn't a true friendship. Sorry you're dealing with this!

 

:grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Yup.

 

It sounds like you've moved on to a different stage, or a different way of seeing the world. They are happy with the way they've been doing and seeing things. I wonder if they're sensing your ambivalence or even dislike of the old ways and views. The relationships that used to be easy are now strained by the changes. Accept the distance, and give them some grace as they--and you!--puzzle out how or if these friendships can adjust.

 

:grouphug: It's a difficult place to be. And it takes a lot of confidence and assurance to deeply evaluate your beliefs and live what you find there.

 

Find folks who encourage you to be the best person you can be. It takes time. Hang in there!

 

Cat

[8circles]

Honey, you're hanging around the wrong people AND its you.

 

Those people sound horribly shallow, no wonder you aren't finding true friendship there. I don't think people like that are capable of having real relationships, their lives aren't about relationships they're about proving their own worthiness. Pity them.

 

You, on the other hand, sound lovely and I'd love to hang with you. Keep looking.:grouphug:

[mommaduck]

You aren't alone. I never seem to fit. Too conservative for some, too liberal for other, not the right social class, too many kids, too submissive, not submissive enough, etc, etc...

 

You know, if people can't get past the jr high drama and cliques, then I don't need them either.

 

It still hurts. The older I've gotten though, the less I care.

[Murphy101]

Oh hon... You can come sit next to me. We'll get along just fine. Here is a glass of wine, some chocolate too.

 

My only recommendation from the been there and doing that perspective is to just focus on what you have and want out of life and let the friends who care come from that.:grouphug:

[housedress]

join my homeschooling group. Catholic, tons of large families, but totally not like the other things your describe. Would you happen to live in the NY/CT area?

[love2read]

passive aggressive and condescending, like my mom always did when I would confront her on anything. *shudder*

After more than 50 years I just discovered my mother is narcissistic and it sounds like yours might be (or was if she has passed.) The way you described relationships sounds like the child of a mother with that problem too. Google

daughters of narcissistic mothers

Even if she isn't in your life, if she did have that problem it will effect you until you look it square in the eyes and realize that you are loveable.

 

Don't worry about the online friend. http://www.catholichomeschool.org and find a group in your area. Our group was small until this year when it went from 5 families to 30. Lots of nice moms, lots of kids, lots of converts. If you can't find a group at that site, let me know and I'll give you some ideas for finding one in your area.

 

I don't know why you are guarded, although I am/was myself, but you have to self-disclose to some extent or people won't warm up to you. Google

self-disclosure friendship

 

This seems to be the summer of personal change and growth for a lot of us. You deserve warm, IRL friendships in your life. They are there waiting for you!

[Caitilin]

You aren't alone. I never seem to fit. Too conservative for some, too liberal for other, not the right social class, too many kids, too submissive, not submissive enough, etc, etc...

 

You know, if people can't get past the jr high drama and cliques, then I don't need them either.

 

It still hurts. The older I've gotten though, the less I care.

 

:iagree::iagree:

(except for the submissive thing--not our cuppa;) )

[I.Dup.]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. :) You all are the best. Seriously I've been a part of many boards, there is something special about this one. :001_smile::001_smile:

 

I live in WA state, so about as far from NY/CT as you can get in the US! I will check out the links mentioned, thanks again.

[Rosie_0801]

You're hanging out with the wrong people!

 

You never know, maybe you'd be better off hanging out with people whose theological beliefs are further away from yours. That way the other doesn't have any personal feelings about what you believe. :p

 

I'm an Australian pagan whose spiritual beliefs don't match anyone else's I've met, and my best board buddy belongs to a religion that is at the bottom of my list of religions to try if I ever want to convert to something. Despite that, we're able to make supportive comments whenever we're pondering on spirituality related stuff. She tells me it's nice I'm making Samhain candles and I tell her she should quit serving at church because she's overworked as it is. Then either she feels validated and better about quitting, or she remembers why she wants to do it and feels better about not quitting. :D

 

 

Rosie

[Hen]

so sorry, cyber hug! I agree, it's not so much you, but that you are hanging out with the wrong people.

 

I came to a point much like this, we were re-evaluating some of our practices/hill-to-die on stuff...and relaxing in many areas- and the moms in the circle I was hanging out with made me so anxious about being with them because of things like not requiring my kids to say "yes, mom" after I asked or told them to do something. I realized one day that the Bible calls me to be strict with myself in keeping my conscience, but to have mercy towards others- and that this group showed little mercy towards me or others that lived a bit differently. I decided I needed to move on and let those friendships go.

 

I don't think you need to beat yourself up wondering if it is you, but just let them go and look for other moms to hang out with that don't stress you out.

[kalanamak]

:grouphug: I am reminded of a woman who was having some problems in her life who asked my sister to come help her with her house. My sister didn't know her that well, but did, and the woman said she couldn't have any of her friends from church over because they would have been "appalled at the state of her drawers".

 

There are a lot of petty people in the world, and truly **good** friends are rare.

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. It sounds like the wrong people. I seem to note a lack of cleansing the inner vessel in your description of outwardly focused people.

[gardenmom5]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. :) You all are the best. Seriously I've been a part of many boards, there is something special about this one. :001_smile::001_smile:

 

I live in WA state, so about as far from NY/CT as you can get in the US! I will check out the links mentioned, thanks again.

 

where are you? I'm on the rainy side.

[MomatHWTK]

IMO, if she truly felt that her behavior toward her spouse were more "obedient" than yours (whether she was right or wrong), the appropriate action for her would to be to come alongside you in Titus 2 fashion. Becoming "disgusted" with you and turning you away is a reflection that she has only done a partial reading of the Word, skipping some major points about grace and discipleship along the way. :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry she has made you feel bad, but that behavior sounds more like the Pharisee in the temple, not Jesus.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

 

 

:iagree: My sister does the same thing with friends- chooses people that will make her feel bad about herself at some point.

 

I agree with a pp who said it probably has to do with how your mother was. This is the case in our family, too. Sometimes parents can really screw up your self image and self esteem. You don't deserve it. Don't let other people form your image of you. The lady who is disgusted by you being yourself is the one with the problem. And she doesn't sound like a very good Christian, either.

[elegantlion]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

 

:iagree:

 

I had an epiphany the other day. I sat with my morning coffee watching a group of women my age get together. I didn't know them, but they were all parking in one lot, obviously doing like a ladies day out. They looked happy. They were all dressed in similar trendy fashion and they all belonged to the same church. I felt a pang of envy because these are the type of people I would have hung out with and did in a previous season of my life.

 

Then I looked at myself with my unkempt hair (it was morning), my way casual attire, my handbag which is totally me but not trendy, and my desire to spend more on books than clothes. I realized that if I were going to be in a group like that I'd have to fake it to be accepted. I'm not willing to do that anymore.

 

I don't have time or tolerance to hang out with people who judge and critique every aspect of my life. Very few people in my life have a right to do that, I've given them permission, but the list is short. I need people to love and encourage me and accept me, flaws, warts and all. Mostly I find those people individually, not in groups.

[ChristyB in TN]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

:iagree:

[kalanamak]

Mostly I find those people individually, not in groups.

 

:iagree:Personally, I've never liked group dynamics. I'm a tete-a-tete girl.

[Carol in Cal.]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. :) You all are the best. Seriously I've been a part of many boards, there is something special about this one. :001_smile::001_smile:

 

I live in WA state, so about as far from NY/CT as you can get in the US! I will check out the links mentioned, thanks again.

 

Whereabouts in WA? I have a relative in the Walla Walla area that you would really like.

[I.Dup.]

IMO, if she truly felt that her behavior toward her spouse were more "obedient" than yours (whether she was right or wrong), the appropriate action for her would to be to come alongside you in Titus 2 fashion. Becoming "disgusted" with you and turning you away is a reflection that she has only done a partial reading of the Word, skipping some major points about grace and discipleship along the way. :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry she has made you feel bad, but that behavior sounds more like the Pharisee in the temple, not Jesus.

 

I agree...it was rather shocking actually. I would have surely thought she would have handled me and my "problems" or faults or whatever she thinks they are differently if she is truly as Christian as she has made herself out to be. I have been a "Christian" my entire life but after this happened (this was one of many bad "Christian" encounters I have had) I told dh that I'm not sure I want to associate with Christians anymore. I don't think I mean it, but still...

 

:iagree:

 

I had an epiphany the other day. I sat with my morning coffee watching a group of women my age get together. I didn't know them, but they were all parking in one lot, obviously doing like a ladies day out. They looked happy. They were all dressed in similar trendy fashion and they all belonged to the same church. I felt a pang of envy because these are the type of people I would have hung out with and did in a previous season of my life.

 

Then I looked at myself with my unkempt hair (it was morning), my way casual attire, my handbag which is totally me but not trendy, and my desire to spend more on books than clothes. I realized that if I were going to be in a group like that I'd have to fake it to be accepted. I'm not willing to do that anymore.

 

I don't have time or tolerance to hang out with people who judge and critique every aspect of my life. Very few people in my life have a right to do that, I've given them permission, but the list is short. I need people to love and encourage me and accept me, flaws, warts and all. Mostly I find those people individually, not in groups.

 

You are very right. I was so mad at myself after this happened, I simply don't have the time and the angst/emotional energy anymore. This is all so...high school. Comparing, judging, cliques, yuck. I hated high school when I was in it and I still hate high school. I hate that I keep falling for it.

 

I am in the middle of WA state, where they grow the apples. :)

[Joanne]

You're shedding an identity. You are in process and transition. That makes you feel vulnerable and your soon-to-be-former group feel exposed and threatened.

 

It's not *you*; it's a function of leaving a fairly symbiotic and dysfunctional peer group.

 

Since you still believe, pray that God send you a variety of quality of life enhancing folks. :)

 

And stop being so hard on yourself.

[I.Dup.]

Joanne, thank you. And I am reading Bird-by-Bird right now and came across that quote last night. I had to read it twice in the book. Very powerful. Still not sure I understand it. :)

[justLisa]

Well, I'm just N of Seattle. Unfortunately I think I know exactly where you live and it is not close ENOUGH. However, I buy a bushel of apples and pears every year in your neck of the woods :D. I totally understand your frustration. There is a dynamic amongst the more nature minded people her and it can be hard to keep up with. I strive to live a healthy life with balance, and that does not need to be "good enough" for anyone else but ME, KWIM? My only requirement for friendship is that you have to be nice :lol:.

 

Seriously, I cannot keep up with social cliques. I have had two good friends that live near by after having children, and those fizzled out for strange reasons. All of our best friends have moved out of state, but we do keep in touch. I would love to have some good friends nearby but it is hard to maintain a relationship with judgemental people.

[justLisa]

:iagree:

 

I had an epiphany the other day. I sat with my morning coffee watching a group of women my age get together. I didn't know them, but they were all parking in one lot, obviously doing like a ladies day out. They looked happy. They were all dressed in similar trendy fashion and they all belonged to the same church. I felt a pang of envy because these are the type of people I would have hung out with and did in a previous season of my life.

 

Then I looked at myself with my unkempt hair (it was morning), my way casual attire, my handbag which is totally me but not trendy, and my desire to spend more on books than clothes. I realized that if I were going to be in a group like that I'd have to fake it to be accepted. I'm not willing to do that anymore.

 

I don't have time or tolerance to hang out with people who judge and critique every aspect of my life. Very few people in my life have a right to do that, I've given them permission, but the list is short. I need people to love and encourage me and accept me, flaws, warts and all. Mostly I find those people individually, not in groups.

 

This is EXACTLY what happened to me one day, and I could not have said it better.

[Coffeetime]

I feel like I keep losing friendships, even being guarded as I am. I am so guarded that I make no time for IRL close friendships but I have become emotionally invested into a few friendships online. One in particular, we even brought our entire family to their house, we got pretty close but the past few months since then she has been increasingly cold toward me. It turns out she doesn't think I am submissive enough to my husband and she is disgusted with me because of that. The thing is, I really liked her and looked up to her so it hurts that it turns out she is so angry and disgusted with me. When I confronted her about it, she just got passive aggressive and condescending, like my mom always did when I would confront her on anything. *shudder*

 

I am realizing that I just don't fit in with the conservative Christian circle I have hung around for so many years. We have converted to Catholicism since then, but this conservative Christian circle I have been a part of is largely fundamentalist Protestant. As that conversion has happened, many of the beliefs I used to ascribe to now just make my stomach turn. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

 

It's not that I want to give up on my Christian beliefs, but I am so sick of the judgment and standards that go along with these groups that I have been a part of. Especially when you have a large family. Not only are you supposed to believe a certain way, but you are supposed to make all your food from scratch, be a total health freak and not let any pinch of sugar or anything unclean pass through your lips, pinch every penny, call your kids "treasures and blessings" and act as if things are always roses and peaches all the time, run an organized home, and on and on. The better you are at these things, the more pride you naturally feel.

 

It's disgusting me more and more and just pi$$ing me off. No wonder I keep losing friendships, huh.

 

As my friendships keep falling apart, I feel that it certainly must have something to do with me. I can't blame it all on the fact they are complete freaks. :tongue_smilie: I also feel a lot of...hatred?...toward these people, esp. when things like this happen. Obviously that isn't good. I seriously want to kick her in the face. :glare:

 

I thought we were supposed to be getting more confident and self-assured as we get older? So why am I still so rocked when people don't like me? :sad:

 

Hmm... judgmental, check. Nosy, check. Telling others how to live their lives, check. Yep. You're hanging out with the wrong people.

 

I'm a few hours away from you- wanna come hang out? :D

[I.Dup.]

We should do a WA get together :D

[justLisa]

Hmm... judgmental, check. Nosy, check. Telling others how to live their lives, check. Yep. You're hanging out with the wrong people.

 

I'm a few hours away from you- wanna come hang out? :D

 

Wait, maybe YOU live close enough to me to hang out :lol:

 

blesseswinter we should all meet up in October in Leavenworth for beer;)

 

ETA: AND we all have kids the same age. Though I only have 2:p

[I.Dup.]

blesseswinter we should all meet up in October in Leavenworth for beer;)

 

 

Totally! We have lived here for 7 years and still have not been to Leavenworth! I totally want to go! Dh would LOVE to go during the beer-fest :D

[yslek]

We should do a WA get together :D

 

Another WA mom here. I'd love to join your get-together. (I'm somewhere between a conservative & liberal Christian. So I'd fit in w/you guys, right? :D)

[justLisa]

Another WA mom here. I'd love to join your get-together. (I'm somewhere between a conservative & liberal Christian. So I'd fit in w/you guys, right? :D)

 

Where are you? I'm just N of Seattle. You can PM me if you want. I'm going to start a thread in that forum for parent networking....I don't remember what it is called but I'll bet there are more than us!

[pbb119]

I have been feeling like this for quite some time myself. I was a "wild child" back in high school and college, and so my strict Catholic, homeschooling, AP, co-sleeping, selective vaxing, organic-eating, self does not fit into the mainstream type friends I used to hang out with. But, I still have a lot of those tendencies, so I have a really hard time fitting in all the way with my Catholic home school group of moms that live a lot more conservatively than I feel I will ever be. I am too liberal for conservatives and too conservatives for liberals. I know how to go out and party and live it up w/the best of them, but the times I actually **want** to do that are maybe once a year at best. So b/c I decline a lot when invited by the more social group of moms I know, I then get dropped off the invite list. And then of course there is the typical stereotype of a home school type mom, so I think that alienates me even more. My bff of over 20 years and I have absolutely nothing in common anymore and we don't even speak anymore....and when you are at home 7 days a wk, and not meeting other parents through school, it is hard to meet new people. Sooooo, I am for the moment trying to be content w/the current season in my life, though it is a lonely place at times. But no matter what, I will live as I feel is best for my family and I, and to all those who want to judge, they are not the people I want to waste my very limited time off on anyway!!

 

Love who you are and be who you love. Don't spend precious moments wondering if it is you. If it is you, it is b/c you are confident and being the person you want to be that is best for your life and your family. Hugs to you!!!!! :grouphug:

[Coffeetime]

Wait, maybe YOU live close enough to me to hang out :lol:

 

blesseswinter we should all meet up in October in Leavenworth for beer;)

 

ETA: AND we all have kids the same age. Though I only have 2:p

 

I live a few hours in the OTHER direction.... and technically not WA, the next State over that-a-way:D... but it's only a few hours from "Apple Country" and we have family over there. ;)

 

Totally! We have lived here for 7 years and still have not been to Leavenworth! I totally want to go! Dh would LOVE to go during the beer-fest :D

 

At the moment I am planning on running the Leavenworth Half-Marathon during Oktoberfest.... I think we should plan a lunch!

:001_smile:

 

Another WA mom here. I'd love to join your get-together. (I'm somewhere between a conservative & liberal Christian. So I'd fit in w/you guys, right?)

:iagree:

[TranquilMind]

blessedwinter: I feel like I keep losing friendships, even being guarded as

I am. I am so guarded that I make no time for IRL close friendships but I have become emotionally invested into a few friendships online. One in particular, we even brought our entire family to their house, we got pretty close but the past few months since then she has been increasingly cold toward me. It turns out she doesn't think I am submissive enough to my husband and she is disgusted with me because of that. The thing is, I really liked her and looked up to her so it hurts that it turns out she is so angry and disgusted with me. When I confronted her about it, she just got passive aggressive and condescending, like my mom always did when I would confront her on anything. *shudder*

 

I am realizing that I just don't fit in with the conservative Christian circle I have hung around for so many years. We have converted to Catholicism since then, but this conservative Christian circle I have been a part of is largely fundamentalist Protestant.

 

 

Believe me, it is NOT the "groups", it is the individual. Some of the most judgmental people I've ever met have fallen hard on the atheist side, as well as smack in the middle of the Christian view of things. And some of the nicest have fallen into both spheres.

 

People take their flaws right into their faith views. If this woman is high on the submissive thing, then it is baggage she brought into the marriage in some form. It didn't form in a vacuum.

 

Just lost a "friend" last week, whom I now realize has NEVER approved of me or my decisions at all, and we are both believers. She used to look up to me but now I'm not "spiritual" enough for her. Whatever. I'm the same person with the same background but some people bail on you when you are going through tough times, and some people -real friends- are more there for you than ever and this has NOTHING to do with their affiliations, I believe.

 

A new friend came into my life with whom I had lunch yesterday, so stay positive. When a door closes, another door opens, though sometimes it takes a little while.

 

 

 

It's not that I want to give up on my Christian beliefs, but I am so sick of the judgment and standards that go along with these groups that I have been a part of. Especially when you have a large family. Not only are you supposed to believe a certain way, but you are supposed to make all your food from scratch, be a total health freak and not let any pinch of sugar or anything unclean pass through your lips, pinch every penny, call your kids "treasures and blessings" and act as if things are always roses and peaches all the time, run an organized home, and on and on. The better you are at these things, the more pride you naturally feel.

 

 

Oh whatever! :D Everyone is different and has different strengths. Many years ago, there was a woman who ran a Bible study in our church who was constantly praying for me and preaching toward me to be a different, softer kind of woman. Finally, one night I was reading my Bible and God actually spoke to me on this issue as I read about that woman with a gentle and quiet spirit that I am supposed to be. I heard plain as day in my head -and it was not my conscious thought - "I said gentle and quiet SPIRIT, not personality. I made you the way you are and you are at peace with me so it's fine". Something along that line (it was 20 years ago but I certainly remember the moment).

 

I was instantly at peace and knew that that woman was wrong for trying to change me. Not that I'm perfect and have much to change, but HE will change me without using someone to browbeat me into it.

 

It's disgusting me more and more and just pi$$ing me off. No wonder I keep losing friendships, huh.

 

 

Yeah, I hear ya. I'm sorry.

 

As my friendships keep falling apart, I feel that it certainly must have something to do with me. I can't blame it all on the fact they are complete freaks. :tongue_smilie: I also feel a lot of...hatred?...toward these people, esp. when things like this happen. Obviously that isn't good. I seriously want to kick her in the face. :glare:

 

 

SOMEONE needs to go to the gym and punch a boxing bag thing...or lift some heavy weights.:D

 

Believe me, been battling anger for quite awhile here, so I KNOW what you mean.

 

I thought we were supposed to be getting more confident and self-assured as we get older? So why am I still so rocked when people don't like me? :sad:

 

 

Oh, you are. You are just having a bad day. There ARE people who like you, and maybe some of them you still need to find.

[TranquilMind]

blessedwinter: I agree...it was rather shocking actually. I would have surely thought she would have handled me and my "problems" or faults or whatever she thinks they are differently if she is truly as Christian as she has made herself out to be.

 

Right. Now you're talking.

 

 

I have been a "Christian" my entire life but after this happened (this was one of many bad "Christian" encounters I have had) I told dh that I'm not sure I want to associate with Christians anymore. I don't think I mean it, but still...

 

It's HER, not "the group" or "Christians". There are some good people out there and I hope you find them.

 

 

 

I am in the middle of WA state, where they grow the apples. :)

 

Sigh. You are too far away for me to invite over to hang out!

[TranquilMind]

Coffeetime: Hmm... judgmental, check. Nosy, check. Telling others how to live their lives, check. Yep. You're hanging out with the wrong people.

 

Hey, I'm a smart person (I thought) but I'm dumb and fell for this same thing. I even let one friend affect a friendship with another NONjudgmental friend because friend 1 thought friend 2 wasn't Christian enough or good enough or had parented correctly.

 

Friend 2 was there for me when the chips were down though, let me tell ya.

 

BOTH were Christians.

 

We all make mistakes and let people start toxifying our lives (is that a word?). Time to detox!

 

I'm a few hours away from you- wanna come hang out? :D

 

I'm a few days away...and wish I could hang out with both of you.

Edited May 26, 2012 by TranquilMind

[yslek]

Where are you? I'm just N of Seattle. You can PM me if you want. I'm going to start a thread in that forum for parent networking....I don't remember what it is called but I'll bet there are more than us!

 

I may live near you. Sent a pm. :)

[kalanamak]

We should do a WA get together :D

 

Head over to the WA social group. We had a WONderful time last summer.

[Lisbeth]

You're hanging around with the wrong people.

 

Maybe, at one point in your life, they were the right people, but not any more. You have changed, grown, and moved on with your life, while they are in the same place they've always been.

 

You need to find new people.

 

If you keep trying to make things work with people who have different belief systems, they will keep judging you and you will feel like a failure in their eyes.

 

The bigger question here is why you would care what they think of you, when you obviously don't subscribe to their type of lifestyle.

 

FWIW, they would absolutely hate me. (I'm sure I would like you, though! :001_smile:)

 

What she said!