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Kaleidoscope

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  1. I don't know. There could be some fear of being wrong. Being able to walk away from my faith would open some options up for me though. I have good motivation to want to abandon faith in God. Yet I couldn't. Honestly, I wouldn't say I'm not still questioning constantly. Some days I don't think the faith I have is worth enough to be called faith but there's definitely too much to say I have no faith.
  2. I think that would pretty much sum up my experience. After my experience where I felt completely betrayed by God I daily demanded He give me faith or reveal himself. Meanwhile I did everything I could to walk away from God. I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted any reason to never look back.
  3. I am not comforted by my faith. I know that probably makes it seem ridiculous to choose faith.
  4. Not the original person who made the comment but it was my experience too. I spent a couple years trying to convince myself there wasn't a God. I didn't want to believe in Him. I felt so betrayed by God that I longed to just turn my back and run the other direction. I can't explain it but I just couldn't make the change or accept it. Perhaps it's because it was just too much part of the core of who I was at that point? Perhaps it was because my sense of betrayal was so strong that to no believe in God meant there was no basis for my own feelings and I just couldn't reconcile that. (I'm not sure if that sentence even makes sense.) I actually felt like I was trapped. Either way I turned took faith and Christianity was the smaller leap of faith. Though I still have so many things I can't reconcile within Christianity.
  5. In this case for me I'd make the smart one. But in general I don't necessarily go for smart or fun... I go for healthy. Sometimes my health needs me to make the fun decision. Other times the smart one is healthier. It just depends on the big picture.
  6. I sooo enjoyed this! I need to totally change my approach to school or quit homeschooling. This gave me some great ideas. I have no money for curriculum this year so we will be working off what I have already. Problem is what I have already is too complicated. I'm really trying to go through and let things go that I know I won't do. If they can read and comprehend, write well, speak well, and do math I'm happy. Gotta keep it simple this year.
  7. Clearly I need shopping tips. I've recently went from having 1200 a month for 7 people to 600 a month for 6 people and I am not adjusting well
  8. This thread had me feeling a bit inspired so I headed out to the school room only to find all 4 girls happily playing school. It just seems wrong to interrupt their play doesn't it? So I guess I'll just have to wait and have another cup of coffee instead.
  9. THAT! I couldn't say it but that's what I was thinking.
  10. When I was 13 I was in the ocean and got caught in an undertow. It was terrifying. I could see the safety of the shore and wanted to be there yet the pull was so strong and I really thought at one point I wouldn't be able to escape. It was one of the scariest events in my life. It's the only thing that comes close to being comparable to needing to escape an abusive relationship and dealing with the pull back. Yes, it's true you cant save her. She has to be willing to see what's happening. Sure there is always the, "but God" clause that things might change. But above all love her. Sometimes that may mean strong words but most of the time it probably means being there. Be available. Be real. Be honest. Be safe. And don't be shocked by anything she says or does because that will just make her feel ashamed. She seems hopeless because she IS hopeless. She is living out hopelessness right now. I have a friend who has stood by me for years now. She had no idea what was happening but sensed something was wrong. She was there and real and she has saved my life. She has no idea how many times she's been the only light and the only hope in my life. I know she's wanted to yell at me plenty of times. I know she's frustrated and annoyed with me. I'm so thankful she's committed to loving me no matter how foolish I act. Just had to come back and add that this thread has been so upsetting for me. I know there is a bit of truth in all the posts but there's so much wrong too. It's just so hard to read.
  11. Obviously yelling/fussing/lecturing won't help. I wish I knew what would help.
  12. What is MP? I'm racking my brain and coming up empty... sadly that's a common problem lately.
  13. Single mom here, since March. Haven't had but a handful of actual school days since then. I really need to figure out how to make this work. I'm not even trying to work yet I just can't seem to hold it together emotionally or physically to make it through a whole school day.
  14. I totally get your feelings on this. I've had, or maybe still have, similar feelings. I don't understand God. I still believe though. I wasn't sure I did for awhile. I definitely challenged every thought I ever had about God but in the end I still believed. I don't however relate to him as a loving, caring, kind God. He's just God.
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