I know I shouldn't be upset but...

[LibraryLover]

The schooling moms may also have asked her how a person who was a not a'teacher' could teach a child to read (do math etc). She may have been trying to explain without taking credit. I don't know. But whatever it was, it wasn't about you, or your style, or your own kids.

Edited May 10, 2012 by LibraryLover

[mariposa]

I am one of those moms with an accelerated learner (my Kindergartener is reading on a 5th grade level) and he's been mostly self-taught. I also have a 4th grader who I sat with for day upon agonizing day teaching him to read. He's reading at grade level now, but it was a STRUGGLE. So I've seen both ends of the spectrum.

 

So, this post really made me think, because I can think of several times in the past couple of months where I guess I've "bragged" about my K-er. However, when I was struggling teaching my older son to read, I probably talked about that even MORE and asked advice from friends who were teachers.

 

Maybe I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion, but based on this complaint, I feel like it would be okay for me to talk about my struggles but not to talk about my success as a homeschooler, because that would be bragging and obnoxious? I always mention my success as one of the reasons why it's so great to homeschool - where on earth would we find a place for my younger son to be challenged, or conversely, where someone would sit for hours and hours helping my older son with things he struggles with? I love the flexibility of meeting each child's needs where they are.

 

It was painful for me to realize that talking about the things my kids are good at could be judged in such a different light. I always celebrate with my friends when they share the things their children are good at, so I'd like to think that people are happy for me rather than thinking I'm an obnoxious braggart! Feeling a little insecure now as I think back on those conversations... I will probably choose my words more carefully in the future (and that may not be a bad thing!).

 

Seriously, I do thank you (all) for sharing. This has given me something to think about.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Unfortunately judgmental people cannot just celebrate our achievements or those of our children. Everyone has struggles and everyone has good moments too.

[Stacy in NJ]

She was talking about her own experience and while it sounded like a brag to you it may very well have been how homeschooling looks in her house. If it seems to fit with certain homeschooling stereotypes, oh well, that's not her issue and I'm not sure what she should have said or done differently.

 

may leave about homeschoolers (or anything else, really).

 

We're individuals. I don't represent homeschoolers, SAHM's, Christians, women, people from New Jersey, or white people. If some people assume that I do, well, I guess they've done what people do when they "assume" (made an ass out of themselves).

 

You're not responsible for the impression, good or bad, that other people leave.

[mamajag]

So this other homeschool mom starts bragging how her 2nd grade son reads on a 5th grade level and he's just sooooo advanced she doesn't have to do anything really, he pretty much just teaches himself.

I wasn't really part of the conversation so didn't comment but it bothered me because I have a hard enough time fighting the stereotypes explaining that my kids aren't weird unsocialized homeschoolers. UGH!

 

Because let's face it, there are no reading advanced kids who like school and teach themselves and aren't weird and unsocialized? My oldest daughter would like to have a conversation with you about your assumptions. She'd rather I left her alone with the text on most subjects

 

Personally, I'm tired of the apologists always trying to convince people that homeschooling is normal and just like what they're doing with their public/private school kids. It is different. There is no way around it. I have certain advantages in that I can have a kid several grade levels ahead in reading but grade level appropriate in math. My younger daughter can take reading at a pace she can actually grasp instead of being force fed because the fill in the dot test is coming up and still get to zoom ahead in math. Without the math as a carrot, I don't think I could get her to focus on reading. Word problems to the rescue, who knew? I can offer a level of individualization that just isn't possible in schools. I won't apologize for that. I also have the challenge of making sure their social needs are met because they are not met by default as part of our schooling method and we live in a very rural area that is by nature cliquish. We don't have to pretend there aren't differences in order to "fight stereotypes".

[angela in ohio]

So, this post really made me think, because I can think of several times in the past couple of months where I guess I've "bragged" about my K-er. However, when I was struggling teaching my older son to read, I probably talked about that even MORE and asked advice from friends who were teachers.

 

This is a particular issue on these board more so than IRL. I wouldn't worry about sharing with your IRL friends or feel bad about any conversations you've had with them. They really know you and can see both sides, and IRL you can figure out which people you just can't share successes with because it will go badly.

 

Anyway, I think this is a separate issue from the OP. The poor woman was probably cornered about homeschooling and trying to defend herself. I wish I was the kind of person who could always say what would make every person listening in happy, but I know I have said some very, very awkward things under attention like that for a different choice, be it homeschooling or something else. I'm sort of jealous of people who have never struggled with saying the wrong thing or over-sharing and can't relate.

 

I am still scratching my head that advanced seems to equal unsocialized, though. :confused:

Edited May 6, 2012 by angela in ohio

[ssavings]

It would never have crossed my mind that the woman describing her homeschooling experience would be percieved as bragging.... but I am thankful that I read this, because I feel like I know more how discussions like this are percieved by others.

[mamajag]

Personally, I get sick to death of people that can't just share the ups and downs of raising and/or homeschooling kids without turning everything into a competition or making assumptions. But, I guess all of that is why there are separate boards for Special Needs and Accelerated Learners.

 

This, exactly.:iagree:

[Murphy101]

Okay. Those of you who are so looking forward to this "braggy" mom being humbled, please explain something to me.

 

The OP stated that the mom said her kid was working easily above level and she didn't have to do much... How does that in any way translate to giving herself credit for his abilities? :001_huh: I just didn't get that from what was posted.

 

My oldest was just like the woman described. Still is. Ds 15 and dd 11 are very bright, but need to work somewhat harder and are much more prone to procrastinating and dilly dallying around (They are like me. Both of them! :lol:). Sorry to disappoint, but I do not feel "humbled". Kids are different. Believe it or not, even parents with high ability kids do realize this.

 

I don't feel humbled because contrary to what anyone might have thought if they overheard me in a conversation about him, I never took credit for his ability in the first place.

 

I disagree. I am frequently asked why we homeschool. My eldest dd's extremely high reading level at a young age is one of the main reasons. She read The Children's Homer before she would have started kindergarten. She plucked it off the shelf, read it, loved it and basically accused me of holding out on her, lol. That is why she did not go to kindergarten. There was only one kindergarten class, and they spent the first month learning the alphabet. The particular school would not consider advancing kindergartners. So, homeschool it was. That is our reason. When people ask, I tell them.

 

I agree with both of you. Same thing is my experience too. I'm a fairly relaxed home schooler in my own mind, but to many others I'm a crazy over achiever. (A concept I've never understood. How can someone over achieve? And if they could, why would that be a bad thing?:confused:)

 

Heaven forbid anyone admit they are home schooling because the schools don't meet the education needs of their kid(s).

 

By all means, say how excited you are for a kid making a sports team, but be quiet about that awesome ACT score he sweated to get.

 

Bah. Humbug.:glare:

[pbb119]

Obviously none of us were there, so we don't know the tone or context of the conversation. So maybe it is presumptuous to assume she was bragging...but in addressing other posts in this thread, I don't think it is about people not being able to celebrate or be happy for others accomplishments. I think the statement gives the impression that the child is so smart that she "doesn't have to do anything" and that hs'ing is sooooo easy (which we all know that it is not, even w/an accelerated learner!). When someone asks me WHY do I hs, I say that is in part b/c I have an accelerated learner and hs'ing just works better at keeping him challenged. I don't really go into what level specifically he is at or his test scores or anything else. So for her to just offer that up is where the "bragging" feel comes into play. Also, in regards to my other post, I did not say that I HOPE she is humbled by the experience, but I do feel like hs'ing has its up days and down days. It will not always be easy. An accelerated learner, IMO, can often be MORE difficult to teach than an average student. I just think that to give people the impression that it is so easy gives a false impression of hs'ing. What if those mothers decided to hs? They may be totally disillusioned by this person's statements, become frustrated, and ultimately see hs'ing as a horrible decision. That is what I meant, and not that I thought that she should somehow be "punished" for her good fortune at this particular time.

[mamajag]

I think the bragging part came in when the woman mentioned about her son being in second grade and reading on a fifth grade level. For her to mention it at all means she was trying to get the information out there for all to hear. She wasn't saying, "oh, yeah, my son likes to read," or "reading is his thing," or something general that was kind of nondescript. It didn't sound like she was trying to bond with the other moms over shared experiences. She wanted them to know that she has a boy genius on her hands and that he's so brilliant she doesn't even have to lift a finger to teach him.

 

 

This exact attitude is the problem with education in America. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only area in which is it not culturally acceptable to excel is academics. It's a cultural thing in America and one that needs to be fixed. The only way to fight the culture of mediocrity is to be open and honest about kids and what they can do. I'm tired of hiding. If you ask about school and press for more than pleasantries, you're getting the truth. Yes, my daughter is reading middle school books at age 7 and is in love with Latin. Language arts and social studies are her thing big time. Her math is perfectly average. My younger daughter is a math whiz who struggles with language but is finishing first grade just having turned 6. My son is 3 and is writing and knows his letter sounds. I'm guessing he'll be reading within the year just from listening in on youngest daughter's reading lessons.

 

Guess what? They all pretty much teach themselves. Youngest daughter likes to get a pat on the head after every page and likes company while she does it. Oldest daughter would prefer I give her the text and the assignment and get out of her way. I get credit for feeding them books and trying to figure out what to do next (a bigger challenge than you think)…the talent and drive is all them.

 

So when people ask why I homeschool (because here that question is because I'm not Christian and that's why people do it around here) and I tell them our just barely not taken over school system can't challenge them, am I supposed to lie or tell them the truth would destroy their delusions that their kid is the mostest brilliantest kid ever or what? Maybe I should just start answering, "I could tell you, but it would crush your soul like a grape." :confused:

[Murphy101]

This exact attitude is the problem with education in America. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only area in which is it not culturally acceptable to excel is academics. It's a cultural thing in America and one that needs to be fixed. The only way to fight the culture of mediocrity is to be open and honest about kids and what they can do. I'm tired of hiding. If you ask about school and press for more than pleasantries, you're getting the truth. Yes, my daughter is reading middle school books at age 7 and is in love with Latin. Language arts and social studies are her thing big time. Her math is perfectly average. My younger daughter is a math whiz who struggles with language but is finishing first grade just having turned 6. My son is 3 and is writing and knows his letter sounds. I'm guessing he'll be reading within the year just from listening in on youngest daughter's reading lessons.

 

Guess what? They all pretty much teach themselves. Youngest daughter likes to get a pat on the head after every page and likes company while she does it. Oldest daughter would prefer I give her the text and the assignment and get out of her way. I get credit for feeding them books and trying to figure out what to do next (a bigger challenge than you think)…the talent and drive is all them.

 

So when people ask why I homeschool (because here that question is because I'm not Christian and that's why people do it around here) and I tell them our just barely not taken over school system can't challenge them, am I supposed to lie or tell them the truth would destroy their delusions that their kid is the mostest brilliantest kid ever or what? Maybe I should just start answering, "I could tell you, but it would crush your soul like a grape." :confused:

 

:lol: Indeed.

[Murphy101]

But Paula, I'm not going to beat about the bush, give no answer answers, or useless platitudes.

 

If someone sees or hears me and feels discouraged, then I'm truly sorry for that.

 

However, they are going to just have to cope with it. Home schooling isn't something I or anyone should do because it is easy. And it isn't something they should stop because it is hard.

 

All I can do is say why I home school and be honest about how that is going in our home.

 

Sometimes home school IS easy. I've got 2 that I don't think I have ever had to give the slightest worry over their academics. (ha! Not that 20% odds are going to encourage anyone else!)

 

But I don't do it because it is easy and I'm not likely to stop because it can be be tear inducing hard.

 

I don't mind how other people answer. I'm not saying my opinion or situation is or should be for others too. It's the notion that *I* shouldn't be honest that I find troubling. I'm not trying to recruit anyone.

 

 

Tho I am always happy to help any newly enlisted.;)

[DarlaS]

But Paula, I'm not going to beat about the bush, give no answer answers, or useless platitudes.

 

If someone sees or hears me and feels discouraged, then I'm truly sorry for that.

 

However, they are going to just have to cope with it. Home schooling isn't something I or anyone should do because it is easy. And it isn't something they should stop because it is hard.

 

All I can do is say why I home school and be honest about how that is going in our home.

 

Sometimes home school IS easy. I've got 2 that I don't think I have ever had to give the slightest worry over their academics. (ha! Not that 20% odds are going to encourage anyone else!)

 

But I don't do it because it is easy and I'm not likely to stop because it can be be tear inducing hard.

 

I don't mind how other people answer. I'm not saying my opinion or situation is or should be for others too. It's the notion that *I* shouldn't be honest that I find troubling. I'm not trying to recruit anyone.

 

 

Tho I am always happy to help any newly enlisted.;)

 

 

:iagree:

 

And for what it's worth, I've met a lot of homeschoolers, and not one gave "I thought it would be easy." as their reason. So I doubt there's really anything to worry about there.

 

I would hope most parents possess the ability to think for themselves before deciding to homeschool. (They might even already know something about their own kids. ;))

[KungFuPanda]

This exact attitude is the problem with education in America. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only area in which is it not culturally acceptable to excel is academics. It's a cultural thing in America and one that needs to be fixed.

 

I'm wondering where everyone lives who keeps saying this, because this just hasn't been my experience. I grew up in the country and now live in a major urban area and have yet to encounter the attitude that academic excellence is frowned upon. I'm not specifically picking on Mamamjag, I've just seen this repeated a few times in this thread and wondered if it was a geographic thing, or simply the company you keep.

[mamajag]

I'm wondering where everyone lives who keeps saying this, because this just hasn't been my experience. I grew up in the country and now live in a major urban area and have yet to encounter the attitude that academic excellence is frowned upon. I'm not specifically picking on Mamamjag, I've just seen this repeated a few times in this thread and wondered if it was a geographic thing, or simply the company you keep.

 

Where I live, academics are given lip service. Everyone says they are important, but no one actually values it more than baseball or football. It is perfectly acceptable to talk about scoring a touchdown or being a great pitcher, but the moment you mention your kids' ability in academics you are bragging even if you're cornered for specifics. There are very few cultural benefits to excelling at academics. The talent is not recognized the same way and is not valued in the same way.

 

Keep watch on this board. You'll see the attitude show its face (it already has a couple of times on this thread alone).

[Murphy101]

Where I live, academics are given lip service. Everyone says they are important, but no one actually values it more than baseball or football. It is perfectly acceptable to talk about scoring a touchdown or being a great pitcher, but the moment you mention your kids' ability in academics you are bragging even if you're cornered for specifics. There are very few cultural benefits to excelling at academics. The talent is not recognized the same way and is not valued in the same way.

 

Keep watch on this board. You'll see the attitude show its face (it already has a couple of times on this thread alone).

 

I agree.

[Rebecca VA]

Mamajag, it would crush other people's souls to find out your kids are working a year or two ahead??

 

Truth is, when you start playing the upsmanship game, you're always going to get beat. Someone else's child will always be smarter than yours (and I mean seriously smarter, not just smarter in the opinion of their mommy). If your child learns to read at three, someone else's child will have learned at two, or one, or six months. Experienced moms learn to keep their mouths shut, because they can end up looking like fools very quickly when another child bests theirs.

 

I'm sorry your community is so backward that education is not valued, but the world is very big, and you can access like-minded parents any time. There are millions (or billions) of them in Asia. They can definitely give you a run for your money.

[Cindyz]

Mamajag, it would crush other people's souls to find out your kids are working a year or two ahead??

 

Truth is, when you start playing the upsmanship game, you're always going to get beat. Someone else's child will always be smarter than yours (and I mean seriously smarter, not just smarter in the opinion of their mommy). If your child learns to read at three, someone else's child will have learned at two, or one, or six months. Experienced moms learn to keep their mouths shut, because they can end up looking like fools very quickly when another child bests theirs.

 

I'm sorry your community is so backward that education is not valued, but the world is very big, and you can access like-minded parents any time. There are millions (or billions) of them in Asia. They can definitely give you a run for your money.

 

This comment makes no sense to me. Why can't I talk about my child's abilities or accomplishments without it being a COMPETITION between your children or someone else's children? I'm talking about my child.

[SJ.]

This comment makes no sense to me. Why can't I talk about my child's abilities or accomplishments without it being a COMPETITION between your children or someone else's children? I'm talking about my child.

 

I don't get it either. I didn't get the impression that mamajag or anyone else here would speak about their child's academic accomplishments to one up another mom. Who cares if someone else in the conversation has a child that is even further advanced? How does that make one look like a fool?

 

Some of the posts in this thread have me confused. I don't understand how talking about your child's accomplishments or mentioning if they are ahead in a subject is bragging. I see bragging as going on and on and on about your child all the time.

[Murphy101]

This comment makes no sense to me. Why can't I talk about my child's abilities or accomplishments without it being a COMPETITION between your children or someone else's children? I'm talking about my child.

 

THANK YOU!:iagree:

[prairiebird]

Really? This thread has been tagged as Rooting against smart kids?

 

I can't believe how defensive this thread had become. Clearly, it's touching a lot of hot spots that so many are defending the random mom that was talking about her kid. The OP took it as 'bragging'. People piled on top of her/him and accused her/him of being jealous or seeing it as competition. You know what? I don't know the situation is either. But if people are walking away from someone thinking they are vain, arrogant, or a braggart, maybe it's time to check and assess what you sound like to others.

[LibraryLover]

Really? This thread has been tagged as Rooting against smart kids?

 

I can't believe how defensive this thread had become. Clearly, it's touching a lot of hot spots that so many are defending the random mom that was talking about her kid. The OP took it as 'bragging'. People piled on top of her/him and accused her/him of being jealous or seeing it as competition. You know what? I don't know the situation is either. But if people are walking away from someone thinking they are vain, arrogant, or a braggart, maybe it's time to check and assess what you sound like to others.

 

Really? Wow. Why would anyone do that? I didn't get that at all from the OP's post.

[Momof3littles]

I'm another mom who has said similar things about her child. My eldest is an accelerated learner. He would be in 2nd in P.S. but is wrapping up Singapore 4B, and is difficult to challenge. He pretty much catches on to everything so easily that I rarely have to actively teach him, which actually has significant disadvantages at times TBH. He reads large amounts of challenging literature. I often just strew things for various subjects and he learns a ton from that.

 

I rarely bring up HSing to random people that we know very casually. But now that my DS1 is 8, it comes up regularly because everyone asks what school he attends. Once HSing is on the table, they usually start with the questions. "Do you have a teaching degree? What makes you qualified to teach him?" followed by, "Well what about Math? Reading? How can you teach that without a teaching degree?" "Do you have to test? WE have to test! Who are you accountable to? You should have to test!" "How do you show the district he's learning? How do you know you are doing enough?" and so on. If they are genuinely curious, I answer honestly (eta: but not necessarily specifically. Just generalities). If they start pushing about not being able to teach without a teaching degree I will fire back with things working out well enough so far that I'm not worried about it. I never randomly tell people that DS1 reads and does math above grade level, but when they start backing me into a corner, I guess I get defensive and yes, I will bring out that info if I feel it is necessary. If I feel they are trying to "challenge" me vs. asking genuine questions that they are interested in hearing me answer, yes, I will go into "braggart" mode I guess. I just say that we can work at his level, and that is above grade level. I will say things are working well, he's getting ready to start 5th grade math and reads constantly, etc. and that I facilitate by keeping him interested, provide him with good materials, and he does a lot of the learning on his own.

Edited May 6, 2012 by Momof3littles

[Parrothead]

I think you should give this Mom a break, she just hasn't yet learned that it is taboo to talk about your children if they're advanced academically. It doesn't matter if they're homeschooled or not, it just brings out other parents' insecurities.

 

Don't worry, she'll learn.

Isn't this the truth. I find that even here on TWTM boards it is difficult to talk about my child's accomplishments or advances without getting odd remarks. For the longest time I thought it was me. Now after reading this tread I'm not so sure. I got bashed off the accelerated learner board right after I joined and am now just venturing back because I don't know how to best proceed.

 

It is a tough crowd all around for those who are a bit advanced whether it be academics or sports or whatever.

[SJ.]

Really? This thread has been tagged as Rooting against smart kids?

 

I can't believe how defensive this thread had become. Clearly, it's touching a lot of hot spots that so many are defending the random mom that was talking about her kid. The OP took it as 'bragging'. People piled on top of her/him and accused her/him of being jealous or seeing it as competition. You know what? I don't know the situation is either. But if people are walking away from someone thinking they are vain, arrogant, or a braggart, maybe it's time to check and assess what you sound like to others.

 

And perhaps if one is jumping to negative conclusions about another, particularly after overhearing part of a conversation, then one should assess whether that is appropriate. It goes both ways and IMO both are great ways to assess yourself.

[pbb119]

my musings....

 

I think we are talking apples and oranges here. There is a HUGE difference between celebrating/recognizing/discussing/sharing accomplishment and outright bragging. I think it is easy to recognize the difference. Who you are talking to makes a difference w/details. Speaking to a close friend or relative can be seen as sharing accomplishment while going on about it to a person you just happen to strike up a convo w/at a ball game can be seen as bragging, esp if the person never even asked for specifics. Again, depends on the tone and context and flow of the conversation.

 

This country absolutely does not value education enough. Period. But pomp and circumstance does not equal nor create value, improvement or quality.

 

Sports are not always seen as something acceptable to brag about either. Look at all the new "non-competitive" sports being advertised as a magnificent solution. No winners. No losers. No individual accomplishments recognized.

 

My mother is Chinese. I did not inherit the sterotypical asian intelligence. But my son did. Good for him. I'm proud. But I celebrate his *accomplishments*, something he had to WORK for, so just b/c he began reading at 2 all on his own doesn't necessitate my announcing that in a hs'ing conversation ~ not that I hide it if it comes up, but in general, my son's abilities to not come up. IMO, it would be like announcing that he grew 2 inches all on his own. In my mom's country, no one brags on or celebrates children's accomplishments. It is EXPECTED you do well, and if you don't, you work harder, you work longer hours, you get tutors, you skip being a kid so that you are able to compete. And no one is there patting you on the back. The only attention you get is if you do NOT excel. And it is not the kind of attention you want.

 

My son has only really recently figured out he learns differently than other kids his age. It never occurred to me to tell him. He is who he is, and it only means that he should work at a different level, but work hard still the same. I want to celebrate his hard work, commitment, dedication, and effort rather than lift him up in praise for something that comes as naturally and effortlessly as growing.

 

And my final little thought is that we are all from different parts of the country w/different backgrounds. Some states and areas most certainly, without a doubt put more emphasis on education than other areas. We all have our own reasons for choosing hs'ing, and I'd venture to guess that we all have a list of reasons, not just one. It seems like the thread has turned into arguing for argument's sake. We all want the best for our children or why else on earth would we take on the task that we have chosen?! And all parents want to talk about their kid's and their kid's accomplishments. But going back to the beginning, it is all in presentation. And we are actually judging a mom that we never even heard talking! I jumped on board, and it was totally unfair of me. I guess my thoughts at the time were yeah, we have all been there listening to a mom we only just met talk endlessly about her child's every single above-the-rest feat. Only her and the other mom really know how it all played out.

[GoVanGogh]

So when people ask why I homeschool ... and I tell them our just barely not taken over school system can't challenge them, am I supposed to lie or tell them the truth would destroy their delusions that their kid is the mostest brilliantest kid ever or what? Maybe I should just start answering, "I could tell you, but it would crush your soul like a grape." :confused:

:lol:

Same here, except we live in an "exceptional" school district.

Only thing is, if you look behind our district's super-high standardized test scores, you will find our state has incredibly low standards and nearly 75% of our high school graduates take remedial classes in college.

But no one wants to look beyond the standardized tests.

I get asked all the time why we would even consider homeschooling in such a "wonderful" school district.

Well, our school district failed us.

And it is failing a lot of children in our district, but no one wants to have "their soul crushed like a grape." (To use the phrase quoted above. :lol:)

 

We had a similar experience others above have mentioned re: early readers. Our son began reading on his own at a very young age. Our school district told us we needed to hold him back a year so he would be mature enough to handle being bored in class while the other children were learning to read. :001_huh:

I don't go around telling people that when they ask why we homeschool as it always is perceived as bragging when I truly do not mean to be bragging. But I am pushed quite often by public school mothers who feel challenged by the fact that we would homeschool in a "wonderful" school district, and then I will tell them. Thing is, 25% of boys in our school district ARE held back from kindergarten, because most parents believe - hook, line and sinker - everything the schools tell them/recommend to them.

I have several friends who are former elementary school teachers. Every single one of them held back their boys because they would rather they be mature (but bored!) than challenged academically.

 

As far as stereotypes of homeschoolers:

We have homeschooled six years now.

I know all types of homeschoolers and know there is no such thing as a stereotypical homeschooler, just as their is no stereotypical public school or private school parent.

[LibraryLover]

tmi

Edited May 9, 2012 by LibraryLover

[chepyl]

Isn't this the truth. I find that even here on TWTM boards it is difficult to talk about my child's accomplishments or advances without getting odd remarks. For the longest time I thought it was me. Now after reading this tread I'm not so sure. I got bashed off the accelerated learner board right after I joined and am now just venturing back because I don't know how to best proceed.

 

It is a tough crowd all around for those who are a bit advanced whether it be academics or sports or whatever.

 

I have felt the same way. I replied to a question about what first graders were reading and was basically told to stay pit of it because my son was advanced. I habe had one first grader, I can only answer what my experience is. I was not bragging, just answering a question and I offeneded someone. Or many someones.

 

I do have to justify my homeschooling to some family hecause they are against it. I get ised to answering that way and so sometimes I do of with everyone, I am not bragging, just stating abfct.

[*Inna*]

That's why I answer with "I's best for our family right now" when somebody asks my why we homeschool.

 

If you share the good stuff - you are bragging, if you share the struggles- you're whining. You just can't win. :glare:

[Desert Strawberry]

I'm coming back late in this thread. I want to clarify that I don't brag about my kids. I don't test them or grade them or anything to measure them against other kids, so I have nothing to gauge their success against accept their own performance on a day to day basis. From what I can see, our curriculum bears little resemblance to what Ps kids are doing at their age. Imo the standards are so arbitrary as to be meaningless. I am constantly being told how bright my kids are. My husband and I are bright and educated. My kids aren't dumb, but they don't strike me as prodigies either. Just ordinary, bright, well educated kids.

I call myself a braggart because I choose to share some cool stuff that I like to do. I like to cook. I love to bake. I cook mainly vegetarian meals. I 'm learning to grow my own food. I cook everything from scratch. I like to do crafts. I like to knit. I enjoy teaching my kids at home.

I hear all the time how much work my life must be, what a martyr I am, how no one can do everything that I do. I must never have anytime for myself. Blah blah blah.

I don't think my life is hard. I'ge had much much harder jobs than this. Everyday is not peaches and rose petals, but I'm living my dream.I love it. I'm good at it. It's not for everyone. But it is for me.

When I post on facebook about the vegan whole wheat birthday cake I made my baby, I'm not judging the other moms who got theirs from a bakery. I've certainly done that, too. I'm just sharing something fun that I did that I'm proud of.

If some other mom thinks that homeschooling is easy -- and it certainly can be, especially if you choose to unschooled or follow a very relaxed approach--so be it. It's not a judgement against those who work hard at it. If that lady is anything like me, she's about sick to tears of hearing how impossibly difficult her life must be and what a glutton for punishment she is and that no one in their right mind would choose to do what she's doing. Not to mention that her kid is clearly deprived of human contact and certainly not being educated adequately.

How about we all stop taking everything so personally? It's not a competition.

Edited May 6, 2012 by strawberrymama
forgive my typos. i'm on my kindle.

[8circles]

Truth is, when you start playing the upsmanship game, you're always going to get beat. Someone else's child will always be smarter than yours (and I mean seriously smarter, not just smarter in the opinion of their mommy). If your child learns to read at three, someone else's child will have learned at two, or one, or six months. Experienced moms learn to keep their mouths shut, because they can end up looking like fools very quickly when another child bests theirs.

 

I'm sorry your community is so backward that education is not valued, but the world is very big, and you can access like-minded parents any time. There are millions (or billions) of them in Asia. They can definitely give you a run for your money.

 

This post is ... insane... Not to mention condescending ("opinion of their mommy", really?). If I share my child's academic accomplishments - even if I share that his reading level was 5th grade in K - I'm not playing the one-upmanship game. I have met other moms whose kids are smarter/more advanced/more accomplished than mine. I'M HAPPY FOR THEM. Sincerely happy. & I tell them so. That makes me a fool? :confused: OK.

[Danestress]

When sitting at a soccer game talking to near strangers, I think it's inappropriate to recite your professional success record, your DH's Christmas bonus, your children's SAT scores, or what public service awards you won that month.

 

On a homeschool support board, I think one probably needs to get advice about how to teach accelerated learners. We have a whole board just for that purpose, and if people there are mean to mothers with accelerated children, they are being obtuse. THAT is the appropriate time and place.

 

I will stand by my statement that this mother sounds like a bragger. I can't think of any reason why a group of women at a soccer game needs to know how your kid scored on the Iowa test ir what her reading level is or any of those other things we judge elementary aged children by.

 

Someday, when someone asks where your high school graduate is going to college, you can say "Harvard" without it being a brag. This is actually a fact - where your child is - that people might want to know. They will suddenly all realize that your child was pretty smart and must have had some killer SAT scores. And they will know that you kept your lips zipped all those years as your child achieved many wonderful things.

 

I have a friend whose child scored a perfect score on the SAT. I knew her from multiple settings, and gone on trips with her, feel like we were pretty close friends. I never knew her child had a perfect score. Because she saw no reason to tell me. I do actually admire her for that.

 

I think this is cultural and personal. To *me* according to the way *I* was raised, it's just inappropriate and sort of tacky to recite your child's accomplishments to women you don't really know in a context where it's not crucial to do so. My mother would have rather eaten nails. I am not saying the way I was raised was the "right" way, but it definitely was the clearly understood rule I was raised with, and so that's my opinion. It's not a defensive reaction. I think we all have ideas about how one should behave, and we share them here for better or for worse.

[mamajag]

Mamajag, it would crush other people's souls to find out your kids are working a year or two ahead??

 

Humor: You missed it.

 

Truth is, when you start playing the upsmanship game, you're always going to get beat. Someone else's child will always be smarter than yours (and I mean seriously smarter, not just smarter in the opinion of their mommy). If your child learns to read at three, someone else's child will have learned at two, or one, or six months. Experienced moms learn to keep their mouths shut, because they can end up looking like fools very quickly when another child bests theirs.

 

No one is playing oneupsmanship. There is a danger if you think your kid is actually the smartest kid in the world (which I know for a fact is not so), and I personally know kids IRL who blow mine out of the water. Here's a secret: I WANT my kids to know they are not the best/smartest in the world in whatever they are best at. It hasn't hurt me or my kids yet because my identity (and theirs) are not totally dependent upon this idea of being advanced. It just is who they are. They don't really understand how far ahead they are. They still spout age-appropriate grade levels when asked what grade they are in (with the exception of my youngest daughter who read the book covers and realized what grade the books were for). My oldest has realized her dance friends aren't as fascinated by the formation of stars and galaxies and such, but that is as far as it goes.

 

What irks me is the idea that the factual, not-for-appearances answer to people's questions about our homeschooling is considered not acceptable in "polite" conversation. Sometimes, yes, when asked about curriculum their grade level comes up because I'll get asked "What did DD1 use this year?" and her work is higher so I have to actually give a curriculum rec for where their child is not what my same-age child is doing. I've had times where parents ask, "Is she really reading that???" after DD1 walks away having answered what she was reading on her kindle. Or let's discuss the pull-away, "Are you sure you're not pushing her too hard?" from relatives when she comes in all happy about Latin noun cases. What am I supposed to tell DD1? That everyone else in the world finds this stuff boring so she should, too? That she should pretend to be what she is not to please other people and conform to their expectations? What sort of message does it send her? Possibly does it look like I am ashamed of her or embarrassed by her? It goes against everything I ever hoped for my children. I only wanted them to be happy in their own skin, confident in who they are, and have a strong, independent mind capable of learning whatever it is that sparks their curiosity. In answering with non answers or severely downplaying their talents, I am undoing the most important things I try to instill into my children.

 

I'm sorry your community is so backward that education is not valued, but the world is very big, and you can access like-minded parents any time. There are millions (or billions) of them in Asia. They can definitely give you a run for your money.

 

I'm sorry you need to make a backhanded comment because I struck a nerve. There is no need to get snarky.

 

It's gotten to where apparently parents of advanced kids are told they should just sit down and shut up. Our experiences are valid, and there is no reason besides another parents' self esteem issues that we shouldn't be able to talk about the joys and challenges of having an extremely self motivated, quick minded child. Try telling Johnny's mama you really don't care about his 3 home runs and that they should be quiet because not everyone hits home runs as regularly as he does. People would rightfully laugh you out of the ballpark. It's about time that it become socially acceptable to be not only talented in academics but proud of academic achievement in the same way children do for sports or fine arts accomplishments.

 

In an ideal world, parents would be secure enough in their parenting that we could all come together and learn something from our experiences. In reality, far too many want to make it some sort of sick competition that validates their existence. Only if it's a competition do you even care where someone else's kids are or what their parents say about them.

[mamajag]

This comment makes no sense to me. Why can't I talk about my child's abilities or accomplishments without it being a COMPETITION between your children or someone else's children? I'm talking about my child.

 

Because that competition is so strong in some parents that it is all they know. Anything you say is filtered through the competition lens.

 

I can cheer for my niece in softball who is far better at it than my daughters. I'm happy she has something she is good at that makes her happy. I can also be amazed and humbled by kids that are farther ahead than mine and mind blown at how well their parents are managing to keep up with their kids' needs.

 

Then again, my kids aren't special snowflakes or child prodigies. They are just dd1, dd2, and ds, and I am trying to do the best by them I can. I only know their academic levels because it's pretty darn hard to pick appropriate curricula when you don't know where your kid's mind is.

[mamajag]

:lol:

Same here, except we live in an "exceptional" school district.

Only thing is, if you look behind our district's super-high standardized test scores, you will find our state has incredibly low standards and nearly 75% of our high school graduates take remedial classes in college.

But no one wants to look beyond the standardized tests.

I get asked all the time why we would even consider homeschooling in such a "wonderful" school district.

Well, our school district failed us.

And it is failing a lot of children in our district, but no one wants to have "their soul crushed like a grape." (To use the phrase quoted above. :lol:)

 

My apologies. We may have watched Tangled 3 times this weekend...:lol:

 

I wish I could convince my friends that fill in the circle tests don't tell you a lot about anything and nearly never give an accurate picture of how schools are doing.

[Caitilin]

Where I live, academics are given lip service. Everyone says they are important, but no one actually values it more than baseball or football. It is perfectly acceptable to talk about scoring a touchdown or being a great pitcher, but the moment you mention your kids' ability in academics you are bragging even if you're cornered for specifics. There are very few cultural benefits to excelling at academics. The talent is not recognized the same way and is not valued in the same way.

 

Yep. And this is particularly true if you live in small town America, where sports (in general) are highly valued, and academics are well, just not. In my tiny town of 3-4000 people, there is a complete preK-12th system in both public and Catholic schools, so you might think that the town values educational achievement; but what makes the town news? The ##%^*£¥€€%# sports scores. Academic mediocrity is not merely accepted, but celebrated. Blergh.:glare:

[kolamum]

:grouphug: I would have leaned over & said, "Yeah, but can he understand a 5th grade level?! Are the books at a 5th grade level appropriate for him?!?" ;)

[deacongirl]

 

 

 

What am I supposed to tell DD1? That everyone else in the world finds this stuff boring so she should, too? That she should pretend to be what she is not to please other people and conform to their expectations? What sort of message does it send her? Possibly does it look like I am ashamed of her or embarrassed by her? It goes against everything I ever hoped for my children. I only wanted them to be happy in their own skin, confident in who they are, and have a strong, independent mind capable of learning whatever it is that sparks their curiosity. In answering with non answers or severely downplaying their talents, I am undoing the most important things I try to instill into my children.

 

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[beaners]

:grouphug: I would have leaned over & said, "Yeah, but can he understand a 5th grade level?! Are the books at a 5th grade level appropriate for him?!?" ;)

 

Would these types of comments be equally acceptable for a child working behind? Am I "allowed" to question whether their work is appropriate? Don't worry, I won't be doing this in real life. I have the good sense to know that a parent probably is aware of what their child is capable of and what is appropriate for their own child.

 

Yes, it's a challenge to find appropriate reading material for a child reading ahead of their age. It's even more challenging to keep them away from inappropriate material. It isn't impossible. I found my oldest reading Just So Stories to her little brother the other day. Her favorite book right now is the Wind in the Willows. She will tell you all about the stories and what she thinks of the characters and their decisions. I wouldn't put her in a 6th or 8th grade reading program, but she really can read and understand material with that level of sentence structure and vocabulary. I hesitate to even list her age.

 

Even when it doesn't seem like it, it really is frowned upon to talk about excelling academically. You can ask a mother how her daughter is doing in cross country, and she can respond that it's been great and her daughter made First Team All-State. You could ask her how things are going in school, and she had better not answer that it's been great and her daughter got a 35 on the ACT.

 

It does sound a bit hollow for me to whine that I couldn't post on Facebook when my daughter started reading, for fear of looking like I was bragging. I also try to avoid real life conversations about almost everything other than misbehavior with my oldest. Everyone probably thinks she is an absolute terror. :lol: I just know better than to ever talk about anything she is successful in, because it will look like bragging no matter how I say it.

 

Ah yes, and now this is turning into another "us parents with smart kids have it so hard" threads. Haha, sorry folks! If it makes it any better, I consider my children to be average bright kids.

[Embassy]

:grouphug: I would have leaned over & said, "Yeah, but can he understand a 5th grade level?! Are the books at a 5th grade level appropriate for him?!?" ;)

 

Please don't say that. It is quite rude and insulting to the parent.

[boscopup]

:grouphug: I would have leaned over & said, "Yeah, but can he understand a 5th grade level?! Are the books at a 5th grade level appropriate for him?!?" ;)

 

I wouldn't recommend that. The response is probably â€yesâ€. ;)

 

There are tons of 5th grade reading level books that are fine for young children.

[ezrabean2005]

Please don't say that. It is quite rude and insulting to the parent.

:iagree:

[Jen in PA]

Please don't say that. It is quite rude and insulting to the parent.

 

:iagree:

[Mrs Mungo]

When sitting at a soccer game talking to near strangers, I think it's inappropriate to recite your professional success record, your DH's Christmas bonus, your children's SAT scores, or what public service awards you won that month.

<snip>

I will stand by my statement that this mother sounds like a bragger. I can't think of any reason why a group of women at a soccer game needs to know how your kid scored on the Iowa test ir what her reading level is or any of those other things we judge elementary aged children by.

 

I have a friend whose child scored a perfect score on the SAT. I knew her from multiple settings, and gone on trips with her, feel like we were pretty close friends. I never knew her child had a perfect score. Because she saw no reason to tell me. I do actually admire her for that.

I don't necessarily think these are the same thing.

 

Can I imagine a scenario where a mom was being obnoxious and bragging? Of course. Can I imagine a scenario where a mom was put on the defensive about homeschooling, so used the high reading level as a reason for homeschooling? Yes, btdt. Ultimately, I think the *response* to the OP is because she was eavesdropping and did not hear the entire conversation.

[StartingOver]

I admit I have not read every post. I have a child who just seems to soak up stuff on his own, I can't talk about it to most people because everyone assumes that I am just bragging. It is HARD !

[chepyl]

:grouphug: I would have leaned over & said, "Yeah, but can he understand a 5th grade level?! Are the books at a 5th grade level appropriate for him?!?" ;)

 

Really? That is incredibly rude. Worse than if the woman was bragging in my opinion. There are kids who are that advanced, and more. That response just makes a person sound jealous of a kids abilities. Pride and jealousy are equally bad attributes if you ask me.

[2_girls_mommy]

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

In what way were you offended by what the woman said? :confused: It's not as though she was going on and on about what a wonderful mother and brilliant teacher she was -- actually, she sounded somewhat self-deprecating to me, because she said her child basically taught himself. She wasn't trying to take credit for being Super Mom. It seemed like she was saying that she was very fortunate to have a bright kid.

 

What was she supposed to do -- lie about her son's abilities on the off-chance that someone would be too envious to deal with the truth? :glare: Like Pretty in Pink and SCGS, I'm sure I have said the exact same thing to people about my own ds when people asked about how our homeschooling was going, but not to try to make anyone else feel badly.

 

Obviously, I wasn't there to hear the woman's tone, but unless she rambled on for another 20 minutes about her perfect child, her perfect teaching abilities, and her perfect life, I can't imagine that anyone would find what she said to be problematic. :confused:

 

Doesn't sound like bragging to me. She was stating how hsing works for her son. I have one student like hers, and I try not to brag about how much better she is doing than other kids her age (which was much more outwardly apparent when she was younger and other kids were learning to read and write ) Nobody knows now which books she is reading and such. And they all read and write at 9 or 10, so it is not so obvious now. But when she was younger I had to get permission to put her in older co-op classes, because a class reading Dr. Seuss would have been silly for her. She would have hated it. And she loved the co-op literature and Bible classes she took instead.

 

I try to do it the same way when people ask me about my oldest. I do facilitate her learning, but her gifts are hers from God. I don't take credit for her knowing how to count with one to one recognition before she was 2. I don't take credit for her learning to read at 3 and 4. She did that herself. And I put it that way, so that others know I am not doing anything special. My next child is a different learner, and I work hard with her. It is as if sometimes I am schooling my first, because she has to be taught everything, where with my oldest I work with her and present the lesson, but she gets it on her own.

 

I don't know how that is seen as bragging. If I have been bragging, it is surely not my intention. I try very hard to underpresent my dds gifts. I know how hard others are working with their kids like I am with my other dd.

[2_girls_mommy]

When sitting at a soccer game talking to near strangers, I think it's inappropriate to recite your professional success record, your DH's Christmas bonus, your children's SAT scores, or what public service awards you won that month.

 

On a homeschool support board, I think one probably needs to get advice about how to teach accelerated learners. We have a whole board just for that purpose, and if people there are mean to mothers with accelerated children, they are being obtuse. THAT is the appropriate time and place.

 

I will stand by my statement that this mother sounds like a bragger. I can't think of any reason why a group of women at a soccer game needs to know how your kid scored on the Iowa test ir what her reading level is or any of those other things we judge elementary aged children by.

 

Someday, when someone asks where your high school graduate is going to college, you can say "Harvard" without it being a brag. This is actually a fact - where your child is - that people might want to know. They will suddenly all realize that your child was pretty smart and must have had some killer SAT scores. And they will know that you kept your lips zipped all those years as your child achieved many wonderful things.

 

I have a friend whose child scored a perfect score on the SAT. I knew her from multiple settings, and gone on trips with her, feel like we were pretty close friends. I never knew her child had a perfect score. Because she saw no reason to tell me. I do actually admire her for that.

 

I think this is cultural and personal. To *me* according to the way *I* was raised, it's just inappropriate and sort of tacky to recite your child's accomplishments to women you don't really know in a context where it's not crucial to do so. My mother would have rather eaten nails. I am not saying the way I was raised was the "right" way, but it definitely was the clearly understood rule I was raised with, and so that's my opinion. It's not a defensive reaction. I think we all have ideas about how one should behave, and we share them here for better or for worse.

 

I admit, I have not read all of the pages, so if the OP came back and said more, I did not see it.

 

But from the original post, she didn't say she gave IOWA test scores. She said hsing was easy because her son was a good student and practically taught himself. I still don't get how that is bragging?? She basically gave no info about their personal lives or her child's schooling.

 

The others obviously said hsing must be hard or asked her if it was hard, and this was her answer. She didn't say anything inappropriate or rude. She didn't give a bunch of personal information. Saying that hsing is pleasant and easy and that her son is a good student isn't a bunch of unnecessary info. It is a short sweet answer on the positive side.