Where did you learn how to be nurturing?

[treestarfae]

Did you learn how to be nurturing from family or others? Did you get tips from books or online?

[LaxMom]

From friends who had normal mothers themselves. Sigh.

[Perry]

From friends who had normal mothers themselves. Sigh.

Me too. Although I doubt if anyone would really describe me as nurturing...

[*********]

From the Lord. Truly.

 

My mother abandonded me and my stepmother hated me.

 

Only by the grace of God am I an even somewhat normal, loving, nurturing mother.

[cottonmama]

:bigear:

[MamaT]

From my older sister who is 12 years older than me. She sang me to sleep, read to me, and loves me like no one else (maybe dh).

[justamouse]

From watching how nurturing moms parented. Certain friends came into my life at crucial times, and I was able to watch them, and learn how THEIR mothers raised them.

[Lilymax]

My grandmother was very nurturing. My own mom wasn't--still isn't.

 

I think, to a degree, I was born nurturing. I was the little girl with her arms full of baby dolls and when my little sister was born, I practically took over her care. I tagged along when my older sister babysat. I always loved being around little ones.

 

But I still needed a good example of motherhood. It came when I nannied for a dear family with an awesomely nurturing mom. I hated that the military moved us away and I only got to work with them for a year. She made mothering four children look easy, and taught me by example without even knowing it. I often think back to her when I find myself upset, and ask what she would do in my situation.

 

Working for her was a huge gift to me.

[QuirkyKapers]

From friends who had normal mothers themselves. Sigh.

 

Me too. Although I doubt if anyone would really describe me as nurturing...

 

:iagree: I also have read a lot of books. There are some things that I am really good at being nurturing about and other things that I really have to work hard at.

[Ellie]

I learned it by having babies who needed to be nurtured. :)

[happypamama]

Honestly? From my own mommy. :)

 

I have a pretty strong nurturing instinct myself; I adore babies and little ones and love love love cuddling them and kissing on them and making everything all better for them. But I watched my mother do it too. All babies, whether they're the first or the tenth, are to be treasured and adored. I watched her hold babies and nurse them and keep them with her, and I watched her hug toddlers and sit down and read to them, and all of that good stuff. I watched her and my dad help us with homework and come to our sports games and listen to us talk for hours about nothing. When she comes to visit, she (and my dad too, actually) reads with my kids, they take them to the playground, they cuddle with my toddlers, they are eager to hold the babies. Baby fusses, and nobody says, "oh, he'll be fine; just let him cry;" they hold him and talk to him if I'm in the bathroom or something, but otherwise, they hand him to me and understand that he wants his mommy, and that's how it's supposed to be. They're pretty awesome. :)

[JessMcG]

:bigear:

[justamouse]

I learned it by having babies who needed to be nurtured. :)

 

You know, this is true, but it brings out a distinction. I was very nurturing as a baby mommy, it was as they got older that it was harder for me, and I had to relearn it in many ways.

[Mergath]

Partly by studying a lot about attachment parenting, and partly just innate instinct. My mom definitely wasn't nurturing, and I didn't have any friends or relatives close in age with kids before I had my daughter. Reading up on AP gave me a good foundation, and beyond that I just follow my instincts, which have been pretty good so far, I think.

[momma2three]

I've always had a very nurturing personality. Even when I was a little kid, I would emotionally take care of other people. In high school my friends would joke that I was always "adopting" the nerdy underclassmen to protect them.

 

That said, my nurturing patience is pretty slim, LOL. I think I learned that from my mom.

[love2read]

Watching good mothers and copying them even when I didn't feel like it. Eventually I fell in love with my kids and it was normal, but I still go cold sometimes. My mother was cold and manipulative--still is.

[Gisele Marie]

My mother, the Lord and seeing the needs in others...

Gisele

[SpecialClassical]

From the Lord. Truly.

 

My mother abandonded me and my stepmother hated me.

 

Only by the grace of God am I an even somewhat normal, loving, nurturing mother.

 

I am so sorry, but so glad you have the Lord.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I learned it by having babies who needed to be nurtured. :)

:iagree: I fell in love with my babies and felt so in-tune with their needs.

 

I have to say that my mom was a much more nurturing grandmother than she was as a mother. She loved babies, but she always talked about "good babies" vs. "bad babies" and "not spoiling them." That always turned me off. It especially bothered me when I had a high-need baby. I always felt like I need to defend him and protect him from people who had those attitudes. As she got older and realized that my parenting style did not turn my kids into brats, she mellowed on her opinions and realized that there was more than one right way to raise children.

[GingerPoppy]

My grandma has been extremely nurturing in my life and was like a mother to me in some ways. She taught me and inspired me (without knowing). I think the other ingredient is instinct, or some other innate quality. My baby was born, and all this nurturing came out. I'm much more so than my own mom.

[Mommyfaithe]

I learned it by having babies who needed to be nurtured. :)

 

Me too.....and from TV...Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, Happy Days....seriously, like how sick is that?

[Merry]

and I still struggle with it, more with some of my kids than the others, to be honest. Right now, I am learning from a few blogs of nurturing mothers that I follow.

[Ruby Rose]

I think I was born nurturing. I was the oldest grandchild of 30ish and even from an early age I was always holding the babies, keeping the nursery at church, taking in every stray animal, picking the ugliest puppy that no one wanted, raising the abandoned kittens, etc. in middle school and high school I was always drawn to the under dog, wayward and lost kids. I stood by several pregnant teens when everyone abandoned them.

 

I've always been a big humanitarian and want to see the good in people and help them and teach them, and care for them.

 

*I am not responsible for misspelled words, run on sentences or bad grammar. My iPad takes full responsibility for all such things that make look anything less than stellar. ;)

[mommaduck]

From friends who had normal mothers themselves. Sigh.

Ditto! I was also kinda born that way. It irritated my mother.

[mom4him]

My parents weren't bad parents but they also weren't affectionate and my mom was a yeller. I had a sister in law what was a picture of a good nurturing mom. She never, I repeat NEVER, raised her voice when talking or even calling one of her kids. I remember as a young girl watching her and telling myself that I wanted to be just like her when I had kids.

 

I guess I am about 1/2 way in between other than my kids get hugs ALL the time whether they want them or not.;) Not yelling is something that I work at all the time and I do ok but once in a while........

 

I do agree that my biggest teacher has been the Lord. He has taken all the hurts that I had when I was a child and healed them.

[Nakia]

I don't think I learned. I think God gave it to me when I had my babies.

[LibraryLover]

My Mom. My natural proclivity. My gentle dh. It's been a joy.

[Pookamama]

It took a village-

my own mother, other women in my life who loved me. It built relational skills in me.

When I had babies, there was so much I didn't know. Thankfully I found online communities of women who introduced me to the world of attachment parenting. I also found blogs...and I still feel like I'm learning. But I know now so much have been what my children themselves have taught me with their very individual selves!

[LaxMom]

You know, this is true, but it brings out a distinction. I was very nurturing as a baby mommy, it was as they got older that it was harder for me, and I had to relearn it in many ways.

 

This is true for me as well.

 

I was just thinking yesterday that I must have learned something because my 11 y.o. still grabs my hand to hold while we're out shopping or just walking around. :)

Edited April 14, 2012 by MyCrazyHouse

[Greenmama2]

I wish I could learn it. The nurturing baby-mama thing came easily but now that my little people are almost 6 & 3 I'm finding myself a lot more cranky, cold & distant. Just like I remember my own mother...

[Mommyfaithe]

and I still struggle with it, more with some of my kids than the others, to be honest. Right now, I am learning from a few blogs of nurturing mothers that I follow.

 

Links please. I can always use a helping hand in this dept. I am very nurturing to my babies and toddlers. Not so much my adult kids, because I never really know what that should look like.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I learned it by having to take care of my younger siblings.

[Donna]

I learned from the women in my life...my mother, aunts, grandmother, and great-grandmother. I had younger siblings and started babysitting when I was 12 years old. I feel like I always knew how to care for babies and children.

 

I wonder sometimes how much personality has a lot to do with how nurturing someone is and how much is learned behavior.

[KungFuPanda]

From the women in my family. I only remember a few who weren't nurturing and they really stood out as 'off' and everyone felt sorry for, and nurtured, their children.

[ereks mom]

My mother, the Lord and seeing the needs in others...

Gisele

 

:iagree: Me too.

[ereks mom]

I learned from the women in my life...

 

I wonder sometimes how much personality has a lot to do with how nurturing someone is and how much is learned behavior.

 

:iagree:

[JVA]

From friends who had normal mothers themselves. Sigh.

 

Yup. This is me. :iagree:

[QuirkyKapers]

I was thinking through this more. I know that part of the reason I homeschool is because it helps me be more nurturing. I have to pay attention to my kids since they are always with me :)

[*********]

I am so sorry, but so glad you have the Lord.

 

Don't be sorry for me (although that's sweet). There are so many who suffer so much more horrible things than I did/do. God is so good.

 

I don't think I learned. I think God gave it to me when I had my babies.

 

You said it, Nakia. :001_smile: I look at my precious boys and think how broken a person must be to not nurture their own children. It really helped once I realized that there is something wrong with my *mother* for abandoning me, not something wrong with me. What sort of mother can just walk away from her children? A broken one, that's who.

[Kathryn]

I wish I could learn it. The nurturing baby-mama thing came easily but now that my little people are almost 6 & 3 I'm finding myself a lot more cranky, cold & distant. Just like I remember my own mother...

 

This.

[Danestress]

Did you learn how to be nurturing from family or others? Did you get tips from books or online?

 

who had a child before I did and was parenting him alone for a few years after his wife died. He was and is a very loving, nurturing Dad.

 

And also from being an older sister. I watched my Mom deal with my sister's little tantrums and heard her explanations for why it's better to be patient and sweet (rather than, say, lock her in the car and finish our shopping). My Mom was nurturing with me too - great Mom. But there is something about being old enough as a sibling to watch and talk about how she is doing things that makes a big impression.

[jillian]

nature, I've always wanted to be a mom. But I had good role models, my grandma and mom and I had role models of what I didn't want too

[TheReader]

My stepMom, mostly. She was wonderful.

 

My actual mom, not so much.

 

Also from friends, my grandma, and an aunt or two.

[KirstenH]

I'm not sure I have learned it yet. To the extent that I succeed at it, it's all about the Golden Rule for me ... in any given situation, I try to take a second to think about what I would have wanted from my mom at the age my kids are, and then I try to provide that.

[eternalknot]

I'm neither physically nor verbally demonstrative, but it seems people tend to most often equate that with "nurturing" - so in that regard, I'd say I haven't learned. And oh, I have no desire or plan to LOL. I parent pretty much identically to the way my female relatives and neighbors did. They're more likely described as "stoic" but we never felt they were cold, distant, or uncaring. I think I'd describe myself as "intuitive" moreso than "nurturing," and more than anything I'm more matter-of-fact.

 

In our culture, babyhood usually through the preschool years - so while not necessarily physically demonstrative (hugs, kisses, etc.) the kids are always in someone's arms, on someone's lap, or sharing someone's bed. You won't hear many "I love you!"s or cooing, but the kids are respectfully spoken to and invited to participate pretty openly in adult/family conversations.

 

I see my Western friends being so demonstrative with their children, and it feels incredibly ridiculous and forced when I try it out on my own kids (or on theirs, for that matter LOL). They make it look so natural and easy, but it's just not me. Ironically enough, I'm the mom many of kids we know will come to when they need advice or to vent/cry. There are a number of more classically nurturing moms in our social circle, but like cats who will only rub up against the one person in the room who doesn't like cats ... kids of all ages seek out me, the one person in our circle who would never be confused for nurturing. It's weird.

[Dustybug]

I still have a LONG way to go and the Lord is helping me get there, but I learned by watching what my mother did and doing the exact OPPOSITE. I basically raised myself and my younger brother while my mom drank her life away and had a slew of drunk boyfriends before she found my stepfather (who has plenty of his own issues). She's sober now, but my childhood was horrid. I was determined that my children would not think of me like I still struggle thinking of my own mother.

[OrganicAnn]

It is in my nature. You might say "I have a nature to nurture." :coolgleamA:

[Elizabeth in MN]

From my parents. They both nurture(d) in different ways. My Mom was the cheerleader who would tell me she is proud of me and always that she loves me. My Dad was the one who took me at whomever I was at the moment and had an interest in it.

 

Really, the only time they weren't both nurturing was when 10-15 and was trying to find my way spiritually. My Mom expected church attendance no matter what but my Dad was okay with me not going. Considering that they are both ministers that is saying something : D

[Oakblossoms]

I got a lot of healing on a board called gentlechristianmothers. I was definitely not a nurturer:tongue_smilie: