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Help! Tough decision. Leave the country, move to the burbs.


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One year ago, DH was laid off. He found a comparable job within weeks. But, the new job is about 60 miles from home into the city. During traffic it's 1 1/2 to 2 hour commute. He leaves at 5 am returns at 6ish. He wants to consider moving closer into town about 25 miles from the office. The company wants him to open a new division. It will mean more money, but also more hours at work and some dinner meetings. He wants to live closer so he can take this promotion. He wants to live in a nicer home. He wants a smaller yard in a subdivision (less maintenance). He doesn't want find another job closer to home. He likes his job and the potential for growth there. He likes his bosses and co-workers too.

 

The kids and I aren't really feeling it. Currently, we live in the woods on some acreage. We have privacy and security. Family on both sides. The kids have freedom to play anywhere, anytime.

 

I am trying to be supportive. I wouldn't want a two hour commute either. But, I'm not seeing anything in it for us (me and the kids). It's not like we're gonna see him more, just the opposite. Our kids love living in the country. Eldest daughter would have to give up the community theatre we love. It would then be 51 miles away.

 

Help me with my attitude. I want to make a good decision for everyone. What is it like homeschooling in a subdivision?

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Not all suburban situations are the same. I think you have to start seeing what individuals situations would be like in order to decide if it might be right for your family.

 

I will tell you that I would listen to a husband who is saying he doesn't like the 1 1/2 hour to 2 hour commute. I find that unacceptable for him, and I think you have to be careful to honor the happiness of the person who is working for a living. The fact that your kids "aren't feeling it" is understandable, but this is a good opportunity to demonstrate to them that sometimes they have to make painful compromises out of love for others. They are lucky to have a Dad who is working so hard so that their Mom can stay home and homeschool, and they may need to make some adjustments. For me, it just wouldn't be right to let my husband carry that burden.

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Not all suburban situations are the same. I think you have to start seeing what individuals situations would be like in order to decide if it might be right for your family.

 

:iagree: I live about 25-30 miles from a major city, and there are many subdivisions in my town with McMansions and putting green lawns. However, I live in a 130yo farmhouse on an acre (and there are many lots here with more - previous owners sold of the other three acres to get more money from the property) - we've got 15 acres or so undeveloped in back of us. There are cows on my street, lots of people have chickens, lots of horse farms nearby.

 

You can live closer to the city and not be in a subdivison. I could never live in a subdivision - have to say I'd also find it very hard to live more than 45 min. outside a city with all its cultural offerings.

 

I will tell you that I would listen to a husband who is saying he doesn't like the 1 1/2 hour to 2 hour commute. I find that unacceptable for him, and I think you have to be careful to honor the happiness of the person who is working for a living.

 

:iagree: with this too. It will burn him out. I have to admit I am a person who likes to be planted; I would also hate to move. That's one of the reasons we picked a house that wasn't too far from a highway and had an easy commute to many jobs, so we wouldn't have to move every time job situations changed. It's hard. :grouphug:

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Honestly, some suburbs are wonderful. Look for a neighborhood with lots of other kids. As much as i would love to live on more land I know my son really gets his needs met here in the burbs. He spends ALL afternoon, until dark, every day outside with his friends. They ride bikes on the sidewalks, play in one of the two parks in our neighborhood, hang out in each other's open garage when it is raining, etc. Look at is as less nature, but more time with friends. When we were looking for a neighborhood I rated them on how many basketball hoops and bikes I saw outside, lol. We picked a street with two basketball hoops and hit the jackpot. Lots and lots of kids his age.

 

And Im sure there are MORE homeschool activities in the burbs than there are where you are now. Plus you will be closer to the city with all the resources that entails.

 

And as for playing outside safely, pick a safe neighborhood. I don't worry about my son roaming the neighborhood at all. And although maybe that sounds crazy, think about it. At least he is less likely to be bitten by a snake, lol.

 

Oh, and having to drive to work 2 hours back and forth,and turn down a promotion, could be very bad for your marriage.

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So he's on the road 3 to 4 hours a day? Hours he could be spending at home if he was closer? I agree that's incredibly unfair to him and all of you could have more family time. I would be doing some serious research and be picky about where you want to be, but I would do it if my husband were commuting that long. We live urban and my oldest has participated in shows at 4 different and wonderful community and youth theaters in the past 7 months and there are a number more we haven't tried yet. My kids have friends right out our front door. There may be advantages too. Good luck. :001_smile:

 

Edited to say we are not in a suburb. We live in a 100 year house in a very safe and family friendly urban neighborhood walking distance to shops and a library and just miles to many museums, theaters, etc. I wouldn't necessarily pick a traditional suburban subdivision either but you may have different options.

Edited by kck
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Not all suburban situations are the same. I think you have to start seeing what individuals situations would be like in order to decide if it might be right for your family.

 

I will tell you that I would listen to a husband who is saying he doesn't like the 1 1/2 hour to 2 hour commute. I find that unacceptable for him, and I think you have to be careful to honor the happiness of the person who is working for a living. The fact that your kids "aren't feeling it" is understandable, but this is a good opportunity to demonstrate to them that sometimes they have to make painful compromises out of love for others. They are lucky to have a Dad who is working so hard so that their Mom can stay home and homeschool, and they may need to make some adjustments. For me, it just wouldn't be right to let my husband carry that burden.

 

:iagree:

 

I remember driving an hour to a job back when I was working, and the commute was the most soul-deadening waste of my life and emotional energy. I would never ask my husband to do that. In fact, we moved this past fall because my husband's new job was an hour away (often more in ugly traffic). It was really hard on him.

 

If your husband is going to be doing something for 40+ hours per week, it's got to be something he likes doing. If he's got a good job, that he enjoys, and can see potential for doing further exciting things there, then that job is an absolute treasure. There are many who would be glad to have any job in this economy, and especially one such as you have described.

 

As for your kids--they will take their cues from YOU. I have moved many times in my life, and in each place I have found friends and things to appreciate about that place. View this as a wonderful opportunity to have more time with your husband.

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My kids were devastated by our move here. But good things happened because of it, too, so I'm torn in what advice to give.

 

However, I would think the commute would mean your dh may not have as much energy when he IS home, to be with your kids and keep that relationship alive.

 

Maybe a compromise? Could you find somewhere with some acreage that's closer but not right around the corner from his work?

 

Change is hard, that's for sure. I'm sorry you have this dilemma.

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Honestly, some suburbs are wonderful. Look for a neighborhood with lots of other kids. As much as i would love to live on more land I know my son really gets his needs met here in the burbs. He spends ALL afternoon, until dark, every day outside with his friends. They ride bikes on the sidewalks, play in one of the two parks in our neighborhood, hang out in each other's open garage when it is raining, etc. Look at is as less nature, but more time with friends. When we were looking for a neighborhood I rated them on how many basketball hoops and bikes I saw outside, lol. We picked a street with two basketball hoops and hit the jackpot. Lots and lots of kids his age.

 

And Im sure there are MORE homeschool activities in the burbs than there are where you are now. Plus you will be closer to the city with all the resources that entails.

 

And as for playing outside safely, pick a safe neighborhood. I don't worry about my son roaming the neighborhood at all. And although maybe that sounds crazy, think about it. At least he is less likely to be bitten by a snake, lol.

 

Oh, and having to drive to work 2 hours back and forth,and turn down a promotion, could be very bad for your marriage.

:iagree:

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Are you saying he would commute less and work more? I would want to stay put.

 

Yes, commute less and work more.

 

He says, if he takes the promotion but we stay in the country, we will see alot less of him.

 

If he takes the promotion but we move, we will see him about the same maybe slightly less.

 

Both situations have him working more.

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I don't know where you are looking, but there may be options even within "the burbs."

 

We currently live 25 miles from downtown. We have acreage. We have privacy.

 

I would actually like a 15 mile or less commute and would consider moving if DH would agree.

 

I have found homes in sub-divisions here where we would still be on over 1/2 acre and be on the end of a cul-de-sac with woods in the back so we don't have to have people looking into our house and still feel private.

 

I personally DO NOT WANT a huge number of kids in the neighborhood to have to deal with. That probably sounds awful, but with an Aspie who would feel the brunt of any bullies and a few other things going on, I am quite content with our fewer but very good number of friends.

 

Dawn

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When we were looking for a neighborhood I rated them on how many basketball hoops and bikes I saw outside, lol. We picked a street with two basketball hoops and hit the jackpot. Lots and lots of kids his age.

 

This is exactly what I told them yesterday. We'll go today, drive through some neighborhoods. I hope to see people out and about.

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I don't know where you are looking, but there may be options even within "the burbs."

 

We currently live 25 miles from downtown. We have acreage. We have privacy.

 

 

 

I know what you mean. Some cities are like that. Ft Worth, Texas is like that. Two miles outside the loop and you're in the country.

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Do you have to sell your house first? That could take a long time in this market. Commuting is the worst.

 

 

The raise in salary might cover the housing cost in the city. Thus, we get to keep the country house. The bosses have mentioned several times, about getting him closer to the office. They really want him to open this division. It could mean millions more for the company. He thinks they will pay him to move.

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I'd agree with what everyone else has said.

 

We were in that exact situation last year. We lived in a place that we LOVED, wooded, trees, it was a subdivision though, just out on the edge of town, and big lots and lots of trees, so you felt like you had "space". But DH drove an hour each way to work, so 2 hours of his life, 5-6 days a week, on the road. Plus the cost of gas was suffocating (and that's going to be even worse this summer!!)

 

We moved the hour south. I didn't think it was where I wanted to be. Kids, they don't have a choice in the matter. They can complain, whatever, but it's not up to them. They will adapt. Or they can move wherever they want when they pay the bills :). As for me, I adapted as well. I've realized the good parts about where we live, and focus on that. There aren't as many "bad parts" about it as I had envisioned.

 

We now live in a normal, cookie cutter type subdivision. Not our first time in one like this. They are normally great for kids. They are everywhere and out all of the time. It's great if the children are nice.....one neighborhood we lived in a few years ago, that wasn't the case. Smaller cul-de-sac, and a family of children that were mean, foul mouthed etc. That stunk!

 

In the end, I don't see how you really have a choice if you want to keep your family together.

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I know what you mean. Some cities are like that. Ft Worth, Texas is like that. Two miles outside the loop and you're in the country.

 

That's true. It's why I'm scratching my head in perplexity over this false dichotomy of "It must be a subdivision vs. staying where you are at to be in the country." I work and live in the DFW Metroplex. I have coworkers that live 15 miles away, in very country-fied settings. That's the case in much of this state. Texas is mostly rocks, shrubs, some water towers, with a couple of big cities plopped randomly down here and there. You don't have to go far outside the city to find country. In fact, you can still find it even in populated areas like this one.

 

As far as whether you should move or not, I would have insisted long ago on moving closer to dh's work, simply because longer hours on the road means heightened risk of accident, due to being tired, or just being in the wrong time at the wrong place. Furthermore, it's an unhealthy lifestyle in other ways, spending all that time on the road. Thats many hours each week of being inert, probably eating on the road, and just...ugh. BAD FOR YOUR BODY. I value my dh's health and wellbeing more than living in a particular spot. But that's just me.

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Support him 100%....I would never want my husband commuting that much, it wears on them quickly, we had to do that in Seattle, 6 months was the longest...we have lived in tight suburbia, takes 5 minutes to mow and on 7 acres, honestly, both have their perks....as long as we are together as a family, could care less about where we live...many theater opps in town!

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See, i understood because where I grew up there were subdivisions for miles and miles and miles, in south florida. There were a few neighborhoods that had acres of land per house, but they were at least a half hour commute or more, at least....often times an hour with traffic. Everything else was normal burb life.

 

Here in Central Florida there are some areas out west that have more land...we are right on the division between getting more rural and more suburbian. We are in a suburb neighborhood but a mile away people have horses and another 20 minutes and lots of people have cows or whatnot.

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That's true. It's why I'm scratching my head in perplexity over this false dichotomy of "It must be a subdivision vs. staying where you are at to be in the country."

 

Well, I'm talking about Houston. It doesn't feel as livable as Ft. Worth. To make the move worth it, he wants to be about 25 miles from the office. The office is on the west side/inside loop.

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Well, I'm talking about Houston. It doesn't feel as livable as Ft. Worth. To make the move worth it, he wants to be about 25 miles from the office. The office is on the west side/inside loop.

 

25 miles is a pretty big distance. I would be shocked--and I mean really shocked--if you could not find a place with acreage and privacy within that distance, even with Houston.

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I'd move closer in. I don't think I could in good conscience expect DH to endure 4 hours of traffic a day so we could happily frolic through the woods at will. If he's gone those 4 hours, he may as well get paid for them. I vote for moving closer to his job, then you and the kids can commute to the country relatives whenever you need a fix.

 

I grew up in the country, so I do get it, but I'm finding that my suburban kids have even more to do than we did in the woods. Also, a mama can get really spoiled for the conveniences of suburban life. A tank of gas lasts me 3 weeks even when we go somewhere every day. As your kids get older, you may find that they prefer living closer to friends and activities. I know that change is painful, but you might be delightfully surprised at what is available to you. Look at homes adjacent to parks and you'll get the acreage and none of the work. You don't want DH feeling like his only value is maintaining your lifestyle. Men can get VERY sensitive about that.

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I would move. No question. One of our primary missions is making sure our marriage stays on solid ground. The kids will eventually leave home. We have each other for life. My relationship with him is my primary relationship.

 

I am trying to be supportive. I wouldn't want a two hour commute either. But, I'm not seeing anything in it for us (me and the kids). It's not like we're gonna see him more, just the opposite. Our kids love living in the country. Eldest daughter would have to give up the community theatre we love. It would then be 51 miles away.

 

So...51 miles is too far for you, but he should drive 2 hours one way? My dd was in a theater program in Hawaii. It was 18 miles from my house, but it took an hour and 15 minutes to get there twice a week in Honolulu rush hour traffic. We survived, and she loved it.

 

Help me with my attitude. I want to make a good decision for everyone. What is it like homeschooling in a subdivision?

 

Depends upon the subdivision.

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It wouldn't even be a question here. I would move. I wouldn't want that commute for my dh on top of extra hours for the promotion, nor would I want to deny him an opportunity like this that was so exciting to him.

 

I understand not wanting to go. I understand kids not wanting to go. My children didn't want to move out of their grandparent's basement (we now live 6 miles away). Fear of the unknown, fear of change is what is bugging your children.

 

We are now facing a move 3.5 hours away from where we currently live. We are talking about it, and talking about all of the upsides. It's my job to get them excited about the move and all of the possibilities. I let them know I understand their feelings, and that I know they will miss their friends here, but that their dad and I will be doing everything we can to help them meet new friends.

 

In our case, the job means more money, lower cost of living (including gas to get from A-B), and dh will be home MORE. It's a win all the way around for dh and I, and the family. My children are old enough to understand this, and while I don't expect them to be cheering wildly (because they will miss the people they have known since babyhood), as we make this transition, I do expect them to try not to be negative, and support their family.

 

FWIW, I don't like moving. But, if it is what is required, that is what we do.

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My relationship with him is my primary relationship.

 

 

 

So...51 miles is too far for you, but he should drive 2 hours one way?

 

I agree, it is my primary relationship too.

 

Rehearsals for the plays run 5 weeks, 6 days a week, from 6 to 10 pm sometimes later. The plays run for three weeks with shows on T,F,S and S. If we continue doing theatre, she and I won't be home. It's not really about the miles being too far for me, it's about the time. Right now, she hitches a ride or I take her then come home.

 

No, I don't think he should have to drive 2 hours one way. He could find a job closer to home. He doesn't want to. He was always fine with the commute. I thought it was too far to begin with.

 

We, of course, we will follow him wherever he goes. Our family will always be together.

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:grouphug: hope the looking today turns up some wonderful things!

 

less commute sounds like a good thing. a happy husband working at a job where he feels appreciated is a good thing. leaving theater and family and country, not so much :(.

 

wish life didn't come that way.

 

have you tried on-line browsing to see if there are some country options closer in? maybe he'd be willing to compromise an extra 5 miles if you found something you could get excited about?

 

the last time we ended up in downtown in a city, my dc loved being able to walk everywhere. who knew?

 

:grouphug:

ann

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This is a no brainer for me. In this economy, your dh has a job, it's one he likes, and his career is advancing. Wow, you guys are really blessed. I have so many friends that are struggling through unemployment, under employment, or the dh's are working jobs that they HATE, because they have no other choice.

 

I would embrace this new stage of your life. It's time to move!

 

We've moved several times over the years, and the amazing thing is that everywhere we go, there are new friends, new activities, and a new community to fall in love with.

 

Perhaps it's the fear of the unknown? It doesn't sound like you've moved much. It's really all about ones attitude. If you approach it with enthusiasm, you will land on your feet!

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If you want to change your attitude, you have to look at the situation differently. "He doesn't want to look for a job closer to home"

 

It sounds like he greatly enjoys his work at the moment, and I would be blessed to know that my husband got laid off and found such a great employer so quickly. The fact that after a year they want him to open a new division and work more hours/with more responsibility is a true testament to what a hard-working husband you have. I would be humbled by his dedication to my family, and I would definitely use this as an example to your kids.

 

Plus, it sounds like you are not going to sell the country house, so you could visit during the summer or whatnot with the kids.

 

When my dad took a promotion when I was growing up, we moved several times (five times over my childhood). The last time my dad chose a longer commute to find the right town/neighborhood for our family. He sometimes drove 2-3 hours one way if he had to go far that day, the rest of his commute was straight into NYC which was 2 hours from where we lived. Plus rush hour. It was certainly not what I would want for my husband, but I respect my dad a lot for taking such good care of his kids.

 

I don't think this decision is tough at all, I think you just need to open your heart to the possibility that something better is out there for you and your kids. Moving is a tough decision, but I know that you can get through this. Good luck!

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Not all suburban situations are the same. I think you have to start seeing what individuals situations would be like in order to decide if it might be right for your family.

 

I will tell you that I would listen to a husband who is saying he doesn't like the 1 1/2 hour to 2 hour commute. I find that unacceptable for him, and I think you have to be careful to honor the happiness of the person who is working for a living. The fact that your kids "aren't feeling it" is understandable, but this is a good opportunity to demonstrate to them that sometimes they have to make painful compromises out of love for others. They are lucky to have a Dad who is working so hard so that their Mom can stay home and homeschool, and they may need to make some adjustments. For me, it just wouldn't be right to let my husband carry that burden.

 

I agree. Sounds like he has a great chance with his job and NEEDS to live closer to it. My hubby has an over hour-long commute each way - BUT most of it is on a commuter train, where he reads his newspaper, listens to his audiobooks, chats with friends - so it is not as bad as being focused behind the wheel in traffic each way (I used to live in S. California - daily traffic can be a nightmare!) If there is no commuter train to his job, and he HAS to drive...start exploring possible houses closer to his work.

Edited by JFSinIL
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Rehearsals for the plays run 5 weeks, 6 days a week, from 6 to 10 pm sometimes later. The plays run for three weeks with shows on T,F,S and S. If we continue doing theatre, she and I won't be home. It's not really about the miles being too far for me, it's about the time. Right now, she hitches a ride or I take her then come home.

 

 

I'd definitely start researching other community theater groups closer to where you might move. We're close to the city and there are probably more than a dozen theaters or groups within 15 miles of my house my kids could potentially audition with. I know it's hard to want to leave something you know and love, but she actually might find more opportunities and find other wonderful communities.

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Well, I'm talking about Houston. It doesn't feel as livable as Ft. Worth. To make the move worth it, he wants to be about 25 miles from the office. The office is on the west side/inside loop.

 

You're absolutely right. Houston and Ft Worth are polar opposites as far as what is available outside the respective cities.

 

There are older neighborhoods in that area of Houston which have, if not acreage, then at least fairly big wooded lots. I was born and raised (til 13) in Houston, but that was many moons ago and my knowledge of the city is not up-to-date (formal disclosure). I know that the Memorial Park area has some nice neighborhoods. I grew up in the Briar Grove Park neighborhood - nice lots, wooded, lots of kids in those days; my house actually backed-up the Buffalo Bayou. My brother, friends, and I spent many hours playing down there. The Sam Houston Tollway now runs right by the neighborhood. You could check out some of the small villages which are located within the city - I'm completely blanking on their names; but, they're on the west side just outside the loop.

 

What about the Dairy Ashford area or even Katy? My dad and step-mom live just off the Katy Freeway one exit away from the Tollway exit. It's a very nice neighborhood and they really like it there. I know this will be hard for you and the kids. There are people on the board who live in the Houston area who will be able to give you more up-to-date info about the best places to look.

 

Good luck.

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25 miles is a pretty big distance. I would be shocked--and I mean really shocked--if you could not find a place with acreage and privacy within that distance, even with Houston.

 

I agre, there is likely something that will work in a 25 mile radius for sure. It would be easier for you to drive back to your current location once or twice a week for the kids stuff and to visit family than for your dh to commute daily. Commutes are hard for those that work 8-10 hours a day.

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This is a no brainer for me. In this economy, your dh has a job, it's one he likes, and his career is advancing. Wow, you guys are really blessed. I have so many friends that are struggling through unemployment, under employment, or the dh's are working jobs that they HATE, because they have no other choice.

 

I would embrace this new stage of your life. It's time to move!

 

We've moved several times over the years, and the amazing thing is that everywhere we go, there are new friends, new activities, and a new community to fall in love with.

 

Perhaps it's the fear of the unknown? It doesn't sound like you've moved much. It's really all about ones attitude. If you approach it with enthusiasm, you will land on your feet!

 

I love your view. It is the fear. We've moved a total of 8 times in 15 years. I can move! I never landscape or put pictures on the walls, we always leave!

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You could check out some of the small villages which are located within the city - I'm completely blanking on their names; but, they're on the west side just outside the loop.

 

What about the Dairy Ashford area or even Katy? My dad and step-mom live just off the Katy Freeway one exit away from the Tollway exit. It's a very nice neighborhood and they really like it there. I know this will be hard for you and the kids. There are people on the board who live in the Houston area who will be able to give you more up-to-date info about the best places to look.

 

Good luck.

 

Yes, that's where we're going today. Found a nice looking house 9 miles from the office!

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If you want to change your attitude, you have to look at the situation differently. "He doesn't want to look for a job closer to home"

 

It sounds like he greatly enjoys his work at the moment, and I would be blessed to know that my husband got laid off and found such a great employer so quickly. The fact that after a year they want him to open a new division and work more hours/with more responsibility is a true testament to what a hard-working husband you have. I would be humbled by his dedication to my family, and I would definitely use this as an example to your kids.

 

I don't think this decision is tough at all, I think you just need to open your heart to the possibility that something better is out there for you and your kids. Moving is a tough decision, but I know that you can get through this. Good luck!

 

:iagree:

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Well, I'm talking about Houston. It doesn't feel as livable as Ft. Worth. To make the move worth it, he wants to be about 25 miles from the office. The office is on the west side/inside loop.

 

Houston has many wonderful suburbs and the traffic is truly awful. I've driven the 1 1/2-2 hours commute in Houston (Woodlands to Galleria area) and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In fact, I would deliberately leave early in the morning and stay until after the main rush hour so I didn't have to deal with the traffic stress.

 

I highly recommend moving closer. Protect your marriage and the job that pays for your lifestyle.

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Honestly, I hate the burbs. We are the middle house on a cul de sac too. There is very little privacy and a cul de sac full of 30kids all yr except the dead of winter. 2/3 of them are rude kids with bad behavior. We live in one of the nicer areas...doesn't matter. I,dream daily of living on a farm.

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I agree that moving closer to his job would be best.

 

We lived in a home on 8 acres with a pond for 10 years and recently moved into a neighborhood in town due to a new job.

 

We all miss: nature, freedom to roam and explore (especially for the kids), the sound of spring peepers, not having all of the neighborhood kids around and knocking on our door, not having neighborhood kids cut through our back yard on their way to the bus stop.....

 

What we love in our new location, which is a much larger, much nicer cookie-cutter home on a postage stamp-sized lot: DH has so much more time for us now that he no longer has a 45-minute commute, increased efficiencies in so many areas of our lives due to a larger, nicer kitchen, and basically, "big enough" everything (enough bathrooms, bigger bedrooms, bigger family room and dining area), newer home with fewer headaches resulting in less stress and less work, a lawn we can mow in 30 minutes instead of hours, being so close to town that we can run to the store in just a few minutes, proximity to church, homeschool activities, cultural activities, etc.

 

There are so many benefits to living closer to his work. If you move, there will always be things you miss, but there are a lot of wonderful benefits too.

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Wow. I might be in your shoes soon. We've always lived in the country. On camps. So neighbors are camp people only.

 

How would moving closer to hubby's work mean you would see him less?

 

For us, if we change jobs, we still want our close family life, so a long commute is out of the question. Adding hours to my husbands day is not what our family wants because we want him involved as much as possible.

Edited by Grateful for Grace
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Not all suburban situations are the same. I think you have to start seeing what individuals situations would be like in order to decide if it might be right for your family.

 

I will tell you that I would listen to a husband who is saying he doesn't like the 1 1/2 hour to 2 hour commute. I find that unacceptable for him, and I think you have to be careful to honor the happiness of the person who is working for a living. The fact that your kids "aren't feeling it" is understandable, but this is a good opportunity to demonstrate to them that sometimes they have to make painful compromises out of love for others. They are lucky to have a Dad who is working so hard so that their Mom can stay home and homeschool, and they may need to make some adjustments. For me, it just wouldn't be right to let my husband carry that burden.

 

:iagree:

I used to have that long of commute, but half of it was by train and it was before we had kids so it wasn't so bad. However, driving that long twice a day would have definitely worn me down. I have also found that when dh is happy with his job, we are all so much happier even if it means that we don't see him as much or even see him too much. I think if only one spouse is working, the other should do what they can to make it easier on the working one and it sounds like this is important to your dh. I would try to put myself in his shoes.

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I might be biased.

 

We live in the country and dh commutes 1 hour each way.

 

While I love my house and we are near his family and my brother's grave, if he came home and said he wanted to move I would move in a heartbeat.

 

I wish we were right next to his work no more than 10 minutes. It would mean a less tired husband. Not such early mornings and we would be in town. Closer to activities, and what not.

 

Another thing to think about is gas, where do you see it going? I would love to cut our gas bill and not worry if I run an errand. I would dearly love to be able to run to one store for one item and every store and errand on the same day.

 

No the grass isn't always greener, but I would look at the bright side for things and find more family time.

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If you're looking into other theater opportunities for your dd, I'd like to recommend CYT. Yes, they only do musical theater, but the rehearsal schedule is less intense (we do 2 rehearsals a week, 4-5 hours each) and then 10-12 shows per run.

 

I dont know how Houston's CYT is run, as we are part of the Chicago branch. But it would be a start for dd and she'd have time to pick up other theater experiences as they become available.

 

Wow- 6 days a week from 6-10 is a lot!

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We, of course, we will follow him wherever he goes. Our family will always be together.

 

I didn't read the last page, so forgive me if someone already asked.

 

What are you looking for here? It seems to me, based on what I quoted above, was that you're really just venting and looking for empathy. Yet, your original post seems like you were asking for a solution or for people to "take your side" and help you try to convince your husband to look for another job.

 

If you're looking for empathy, I totally understand. I had to make a move I REALLY didn't want to make for the sake of my marriage. In some ways, it turned out for the best. At the same time, after twelve years, we are moving back.

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From someone who would love to live in the country:)...

 

There are a whole lot worse things in life than living in the city or just closer in. We live in an urban neighborhood with great neighbors on a dead-end street near a HUGE park with beach and tons of wooded trails, plus a handful of smaller parks--all within walking distance. We even have trees in our backyard and a rope swing;). 5-10 miles outside of town, welcome to farmland. Lots and lots of h's activities, museums, etc.--all a bus ride away, which is nice since we only have one car.

 

Would I like to live on wooded acreage so the kids can just run wherever? Sure. But, they have plenty of places to play here. In fact, they're all out in the backyard now playing in the snow. I would not move to the country if it made dh's commute 2 hours long.

 

Honestly, I think you should skip the subdivision and move to the city he works in. Shop around, be as picky as possible, get a house with a great, fenced yard, and then be thankful you have a happy dh and lots of opportunities for the kids. I realize that's easier for me to say than for you to do:), but do know that even situations that don't look appealing often have benefits that are hard to see at first!

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One year ago, DH was laid off. He found a comparable job within weeks. But, the new job is about 60 miles from home into the city. During traffic it's 1 1/2 to 2 hour commute. He leaves at 5 am returns at 6ish. He wants to consider moving closer into town about 25 miles from the office. The company wants him to open a new division. It will mean more money, but also more hours at work and some dinner meetings. He wants to live closer so he can take this promotion. He wants to live in a nicer home. He wants a smaller yard in a subdivision (less maintenance). He doesn't want find another job closer to home. He likes his job and the potential for growth there. He likes his bosses and co-workers too.

 

The kids and I aren't really feeling it. Currently, we live in the woods on some acreage. We have privacy and security. Family on both sides. The kids have freedom to play anywhere, anytime.

 

I am trying to be supportive. I wouldn't want a two hour commute either. But, I'm not seeing anything in it for us (me and the kids). It's not like we're gonna see him more, just the opposite. Our kids love living in the country. Eldest daughter would have to give up the community theatre we love. It would then be 51 miles away.

 

Help me with my attitude. I want to make a good decision for everyone. What is it like homeschooling in a subdivision?

 

We live 50 miles from the Galleria in Houston where dh works. His commute is 50min-1.5 hours at the WORST! That is not a move we could make, but dh would not ask it. Also, moving closer doesn't guarantee a quicker commute. When we lived 20miles from the Galleria his commute was the same.

 

Edited: okay we are rather close to each other and I am totally confused. Just know that dh's commute was not any better when we lived on Barker Cypress and 10, than it is way out here in the boonies!

Edited by simka2
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