Am I selfish or having baby blues :(

[Slipper]

I'm trying to clean and declutter. A few years ago, I sadly released our baby swing, cribs, bassinetts, clothes, etc (other than a few family heirloom pieces that of course, kids are not supposed to wear!). I reassured myself that if we had another (I'm 41), we could always replace the items. We would both LOVE another baby but I don't think we could take care of another child at this time due to the needs of our other kids.

 

I'm going through toys and some items, I do plan to keep and use for our grandkids at some point - mostly the fisher price barnyard and noah's ark, things that I think will store well.

 

Three years ago, we bought a wooden stove set for our youngest who adored it. We bought wooden plates and food and extra plastic food. We spent about $150 on it. She just told me that she never plays with it and they (she and my middle share a room) want it out so they can put other things in it's place. They said to give it to my niece.

 

My sister would flat-out LOVE the wooden kitchen. Both my nieces are adopted - one will be 3 yrs old in March and the other is about 3 months old. My sister is usually upset with me for some reason or another. (Her latest thing was that I didn't ask to hold the baby and she thinks I don't like the baby because her nose looked funny due to a skin problem). Other family members teasingly refer to me as the 'perfect' mother who can 'do it all'. (I can very much assure everyone that I am not perfect and some days I wonder if I can do anything, much less 'all'). My niece LOVES the toy kitchen and whenever I am watching her for my sister (not often, but for long stretches of time when I do), it's her favorite thing to play with.

 

Logically, I should give her the kitchen. But, I hate doing it. I keep thinking I should store it, even though I don't think the wood would handle long storage. Also, the plastic would be weird on the toy food. I can't sell it as it's been scribbled on.

 

Am I just having the blues about getting rid of kid stuff. I hate to think of my kids growing up. If I had one wish, I'd wish for more kids (already born by this time). I need to figure this out as I'm sure I'll run across other nice items that are appropriate for my nieces. I feel so selfish. :(

[Night Elf]

hmm.. I thought it interesting that you spent so much time explaining how your family views you with regards to motherhood, especially with a recent(?) issue with your sister and her baby. Are you just not wanting to give HER the kitchen? Would you have a problem letting someone else have it?

 

I had a difficult time letting go of things but that was because I really wanted another baby and DH didn't. I finally consoled myself that if I got lucky enough to have another baby, I would happily buy all new stuff for him/her. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky. I've held onto a few things with the thought of grandchildren: books, Playmobil and a Brio train track. I never thought the wood wouldn't save. I sure hope it does. My son loved that train set! I didn't have the heart to let it go and it was small enough to easily store in a box.

[katilac]

I wouldn't over-think it. Sometimes, we just aren't ready to let certain things go.

 

Save it if you have room. ((btw, there are lots of ways to remove scribble marks from wood, google solutions based on whether it's ink, crayon, etc.)) If the wood seems to be suffering in storage, you can reevaluate at that point.

 

*if* you can store it somewhere that lets you take it out for niece when she's there for long visits, then great, do that.

[Kebo]

You could give it to your sister with the stipulation that if you did have another child you would get it back. That way you don't have to deal with letting it go all at once. Or you could just ask for it back when they are done with it -- odds are you won't be quite as sentimental about it by then.

 

You certainly aren't required to give it to your sister if there are hard feelings between you. But, if she knows you gave it away to someone else when her kids would have loved it, she might have some legitimate reason to be miffed.

 

I know how hard it is to let go of what these things represent. I struggle with it, too.

[bagel270]

Just think of how much your nieces are enjoying it every time you think of it. Take a picture of them using it, and ignore the grownups.:)

[OH_Homeschooler]

I wish I knew more people who could use my children's old toys. I'd love to declutter by giving them to people I know so I could continue to see them making people happy.

[butterflymommy]

If it's not being played with I would give it to your sister's children... just ask that they return it to you in lieu of throwing it out or selling it once they're done with it.

[Slipper]

hmm.. I thought it interesting that you spent so much time explaining how your family views you with regards to motherhood, especially with a recent(?) issue with your sister and her baby. Are you just not wanting to give HER the kitchen? Would you have a problem letting someone else have it?

 

I had a difficult time letting go of things but that was because I really wanted another baby and DH didn't. I finally consoled myself that if I got lucky enough to have another baby, I would happily buy all new stuff for him/her. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky. I've held onto a few things with the thought of grandchildren: books, Playmobil and a Brio train track. I never thought the wood wouldn't save. I sure hope it does. My son loved that train set! I didn't have the heart to let it go and it was small enough to easily store in a box.

 

I'm a psychology major (doubled with sociology), so I spend a lot of time thinking about things like what you mentioned.

 

Part of me worries that she will see my giving her the kitchen as another example of my being 'perfect'. We did invest in high quality toys for our kids (mostly because our family just destroys cheaper things). I get annoyed with her easily as I don't think she takes motherhood seriously.

 

It's not just her, I don't want anyone to have it.

[clarkacademy]

I think you should do whatever you want with it. It is yours after all. Store it or give it away. Your sister should have no issue at all with what you do with your things after all. I would be irate if anyone expected me to give them anything.

[Aura]

You could give it to your sister with the stipulation that if you did have another child you would get it back.

 

It's a nice thought, but I strongly advice against this, especially since they don't seem to have a great relationship to start with. Oftentimes, this kind of thing seems a good thing at the moment, but later causes heartache.

[staceyobu]

What about moving it out of their room and into the garage or somewhere and covering it with a trash bag. Maybe after it's been out of sight for a while it would be easier to let it go? I do think it's sweet that your girls want to pass on a toy to a cousin that they are done with. They are thinking of others. My kids want to hang onto every broken toy they have and it drives me crazy!

[ApronMama]

Keep it until you are ready to let it go. I totally understand where you are coming from, both wanting another little one and having a hard time letting go of the high quality things you lovingly purchased for your child.

 

Wood definitely will keep if stored in a dry place indoors. There is a wood train track at our church that once belonged to the parent of one of the grade school kids--track gets used every week and is in great shape.

 

I've found it helpful to find a place to let things go in stages or find a place to let it go that you feel good about. I had a hard time letting go of a really nice swing that my dear aunts had spent a lot of money on. It was hard to let it go, but once its done, its ok. Play with it with your girls one more time and take a picture or store it.

 

The underlying issue is baby blues, but the only cure for that is time. Sounds like you need some good play time with your kiddos. :grouphug:

[BeehiveSez]

Am I just having the blues about getting rid of kid stuff. I hate to think of my kids growing up. If I had one wish, I'd wish for more kids (already born by this time). I need to figure this out as I'm sure I'll run across other nice items that are appropriate for my nieces. I feel so selfish. :(

 

I think you should be sentimental and keep precious things forever, our memories are what makes us unique so keep these things is they mean something to you. I think doing something positive instead will make a huge difference, so you dont feel like you are trying to get of things. Perhaps take up a new hobby, knitting, a sport or creative activities.

 

I have started yoga classes (you can find them here) and they were wonderful to help me relax and forget about the stresses of everyday like. I did use it as a time to reflect of the days/weeks events and become more focussed with myself.

 

I am based in Ireland so best check out the websites main site for Uk residents.

 

:grouphug:

Edited February 7, 2012 by BeehiveSez

[Desert Rat]

I agree. Keep it until you're ready to let it go. I really wanted another baby. Dh didn't. It was so hard to let some things go. I remember boxing up all the fisher price toys and putting them in the garage. They stayed there for about 2 years. When I went back to look at them, I realized that I didn't have the same attatchment to them I once did. I was okay with letting them go. I gave them to a good friend who's family was still growing. So far, I haven't felt the need to keep any of the toys.

I've kept a few clothes and a few cute pairs of little boy shoes. I've kept art work (my kids aren't artsy so I don't have much!) and of course, pictures.

When it was time to give up the rocker because it wasn't a family heirloom and we didn't have the room, I took pictures with each of my boys sitting in it and let it go. These things are hard. Let yourself be sad about it.

I'm going through a rough spot right now because my youngest is about to turn 9. It's all so sad for me right now. But I know it passes. I just have to ride it out.

[kidsnbooks8]

First of all:grouphug: This is hard, there are a lot of things playing into this. Sometimes it is so hard to know what the right thing to do is.:grouphug:

 

I -- would offer this set to your sister if your neice enjoys it so much:) Your sister can think whatever she wants. (hopefully she will just be happy and accept a wonderful gift) It does not mean you have given up the dream or thoughts of having more children. But things change all the time and all we can deal with is the now. Right now your gilrs don't use it and would be fine. Also you may have another child, but maybe not, you may even have a boy(who might not use it or appeciate it as much) then the item would have been put away with no one using it and possibly ruined anyway and then eventually just given to charity(not that there is anything wrong with giving to charity) But the good that it can do now will out weigh just getting rid of a thing later on down the road.

[misidawnrn]

Don't give it to her...give it to your nieces. They will love it!

[LibraryLover]

I've had our wooden kitchen in my home for 20 years. I'm not giving that up. The kids who play at our house love it. Do you have lots of young visitors to you home? If so, I'd take it out of their bedroom and put it in another part of your home? I love ours. It represents my children's childhood. I enjoy watching other children play with it. In my house.

[Shellers]

I think you should give the kitchen set away. Remember you are giving the kitchen to your nieces and not your sister. :)

[cloversandlions]

I've had our wooden kitchen in my home for 20 years. I'm not giving that up. The kids who play at our house love it. Do you have lots of young visitors to you home? If so, I'd take it out of their bedroom and put it in another part of your home? I love ours. It represents my children's childhood. I enjoy watching other children play with it. In my house.

 

:iagree: If you don't have any place to keep it inside, then put aside (like in the garage) for a bit. OTOH, moving it to a family room or play room might make it more appealing to your own children, too; certainly, it would be lovely for your nieces to enjoy when they visit, as well. A few years ago, my dd had stopped playing with her little kitchen, and because our house is so small, we sold it, which is one of my biggest "getting rid of toys" regrets ever! I think she would have played with it again if we'd just put it away for a bit, or even moved it to a different spot in the house.

 

OTOH, I agree with the person who mentioned that you wouldn't be giving it to your sister - you'd be giving it to your nieces. I think that would be such a sweet thing for an auntie to do. (My SIL has never shown an interest in my children, so I am, perhaps, a little sensitive to this sort of thing.)

 

I've been thinking a lot about what to do with some of my children's toys. I've given away, donated, or sold so much, but there are a few I've held onto: Playmobil, Lego, and Thomas the Train, mostly. I think a wood kitchen set could do well in storage, but (true confession) I always feel a little sad at the thought that toys won't be played with for years and years. Blame it on Toy Story! :lol:

[Laura in MI]

I think you should give the kitchen set away. Remember you are giving the kitchen to your nieces and not your sister. :)

 

:iagree: :001_smile:

[Tohru]

I wouldn't over-think it. Sometimes, we just aren't ready to let certain things go.

 

Save it if you have room. ((btw, there are lots of ways to remove scribble marks from wood, google solutions based on whether it's ink, crayon, etc.)) If the wood seems to be suffering in storage, you can reevaluate at that point.

 

*if* you can store it somewhere that lets you take it out for niece when she's there for long visits, then great, do that.

 

:iagree:

Forget the guilt.

Hold on to it because you need/want to at this time in your life. Think about it again later.

[Danestress]

I would let them. Let them experience the joy of giving away a childhood toy to a cousin who will love it. It was a gift to them, and if you feel you are done with having more kids, let them do with it as they please.

 

I would feel differently if it had "family heirloom" potential. But since you said you don't think the wood will handle storage well, I would pass it on.

[Whereneverever]

I would let them. Let them experience the joy of giving away a childhood toy to a cousin who will love it. It was a gift to them, and if you feel you are done with having more kids, let them do with it as they please.

 

I would feel differently if it had "family heirloom" potential. But since you said you don't think the wood will handle storage well, I would pass it on.

 

:iagree:

[Guest]

I'm trying to clean and declutter. A few years ago, I sadly released our baby swing, cribs, bassinetts, clothes, etc (other than a few family heirloom pieces that of course, kids are not supposed to wear!). I reassured myself that if we had another (I'm 41), we could always replace the items. We would both LOVE another baby but I don't think we could take care of another child at this time due to the needs of our other kids.

 

I'm going through toys and some items, I do plan to keep and use for our grandkids at some point - mostly the fisher price barnyard and noah's ark, things that I think will store well.

 

Three years ago, we bought a wooden stove set for our youngest who adored it. We bought wooden plates and food and extra plastic food. We spent about $150 on it. She just told me that she never plays with it and they (she and my middle share a room) want it out so they can put other things in it's place. They said to give it to my niece.

 

My sister would flat-out LOVE the wooden kitchen. Both my nieces are adopted - one will be 3 yrs old in March and the other is about 3 months old. My sister is usually upset with me for some reason or another. (Her latest thing was that I didn't ask to hold the baby and she thinks I don't like the baby because her nose looked funny due to a skin problem). Other family members teasingly refer to me as the 'perfect' mother who can 'do it all'. (I can very much assure everyone that I am not perfect and some days I wonder if I can do anything, much less 'all'). My niece LOVES the toy kitchen and whenever I am watching her for my sister (not often, but for long stretches of time when I do), it's her favorite thing to play with.

 

Logically, I should give her the kitchen. But, I hate doing it. I keep thinking I should store it, even though I don't think the wood would handle long storage. Also, the plastic would be weird on the toy food. I can't sell it as it's been scribbled on.

 

Am I just having the blues about getting rid of kid stuff. I hate to think of my kids growing up. If I had one wish, I'd wish for more kids (already born by this time). I need to figure this out as I'm sure I'll run across other nice items that are appropriate for my nieces. I feel so selfish. :(

 

Don't give it if you don't want to. I have been through the same type of thing and the items I have given away, I have regretted. There is one particular item that I keep thinking, "X could give that back to me, she doesn't need it anymore." I do actually think it is selfish, but I also think it is better to give things only with your whole heart.

 

It's such a personal thing, getting rid of your children's belongings when you still want another child; I totally relate. Unless I had to move to Japan tomorrow, I have decided there are some things I'm simply keeping, even if it's nurturing something that is actually selfish. Better that then giving something and still having heart-strings attached to it. How would you feel if you gave away the wooden kitchen and then their child damaged it?

 

I still have my Moses basket, my Radio Flyer wagon and several beautiful, handmade dresses. Someone else could use them, but for my mental peace, I'm keeping them at this time.

[Guest]

You could give it to your sister with the stipulation that if you did have another child you would get it back. That way you don't have to deal with letting it go all at once. Or you could just ask for it back when they are done with it -- odds are you won't be quite as sentimental about it by then.

 

 

Do not do this. I actually blogged about this. If you give things away, give them away with your whole heart. It is miserable to be the recipient of a gift that has stipulations attached. The recipient is not free to enjoy the item and it is even worse if children will use it. One of my SILs did exactly this: gave me children's things with the thought that she wanted them back for grandchildren. It was nothing but a burden, worrying about those books and wooden puzzles.

 

It's a nice thought, but I strongly advice against this, especially since they don't seem to have a great relationship to start with. Oftentimes, this kind of thing seems a good thing at the moment, but later causes heartache.

 

:iagree:

[KungFuPanda]

It's a toy, NOT your memories. GIVE it to your niece. She'll use it more than you will. (It is YOU, because your daughters have already let go.)

[melissel]

Part of me worries that she will see my giving her the kitchen as another example of my being 'perfect'. We did invest in high quality toys for our kids (mostly because our family just destroys cheaper things)....

 

It's not just her, I don't want anyone to have it.

 

I was thinking the same thing, based on how you described her.

 

Keep it. Put it away for awhile, and then see how you feel about it. Your niece(s) will enjoy it just as much in a year. I'm not particularly sentimental, but there have been some things I only just managed to let go of, even though we've known for years that we're not having more kids.

 

It's a nice thought, but I strongly advice against this, especially since they don't seem to have a great relationship to start with. Oftentimes, this kind of thing seems a good thing at the moment, but later causes heartache.

 

I cannot agree more. Don't do this. It will only make you crazy!

[Kebo]

Do not do this. I actually blogged about this. If you give things away, give them away with your whole heart. It is miserable to be the recipient of a gift that has stipulations attached. The recipient is not free to enjoy the item and it is even worse if children will use it. One of my SILs did exactly this: gave me children's things with the thought that she wanted them back for grandchildren. It was nothing but a burden, worrying about those books and wooden puzzles.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

OK, OK, I take it back!

I must have not had enough drama with my relatives, and I'm too relaxed and optimistic. Sorry, I yield to those with greater experience :lol:

[ChristineW]

I would let them. Let them experience the joy of giving away a childhood toy to a cousin who will love it. It was a gift to them, and if you feel you are done with having more kids, let them do with it as they please.

 

I would feel differently if it had "family heirloom" potential. But since you said you don't think the wood will handle storage well, I would pass it on.

 

 

:iagree: I think its wonderful that your girls want to give the kitchen to their nieces. Regardless of my own feelings, I would let THEM give the kitchen to their younger family members. Its such a wonderful gift to have such thoughtful, sensitive daughters. I wouldn't discourage their desire to give.

 

 

Christine

[Slipper]

I decided to go ahead and give it away. I talked with the girls again and they both assured me they were finished with it and wanted to give it to their cousins. I emailed my sis but haven't heard back from her yet.

 

DH reminded me that I already have a very nice wooden train set saved (which hasn't been played with in many years) that we are keeping along with some other things. He said the kitchen wouldn't keep for long and our niece really does love it.

 

I'm okay with the decision just a bit sad.

[UmMusa]

A timely topic for me. I just gave my brother and his wife our high end baby items. The stuff that you don't get on a registry. I winced a little, but tried to rationalize the whole thing... we don't need that stuff anymore, and what better charity can you give than giving to your closest family who need or could use it. I thought maybe I'm jealous that I'm not the one having a baby (it is their first, I have 4). So, I understand the conflict. Make sure you're ready to let it go and not feel bitter. And if you think she'll take it wrong, then think of a way to word it so that she doesn't feel like she's the lesser perfect mom.

[StephanieZ]

It is just STUFF.

 

I understand, COMPLETELY, believe me.

 

But, I tell myself, over and over, that "it is just stuff" and that it is better to pass it on to someone who will enjoy it, ESPECIALLY since your girls WANT to give it away, and you have a family member who will enjoy it.

 

Let it GO. It is just STUFF.

[melissel]

I decided to go ahead and give it away. I talked with the girls again and they both assured me they were finished with it and wanted to give it to their cousins. I emailed my sis but haven't heard back from her yet.

 

DH reminded me that I already have a very nice wooden train set saved (which hasn't been played with in many years) that we are keeping along with some other things. He said the kitchen wouldn't keep for long and our niece really does love it.

 

I'm okay with the decision just a bit sad.

 

Aw :grouphug: I think that's a good decision, and I think you'll be glad you made it. It's always hard to give it away but feels so good afterward. If your sister takes it wrong, well, that's her problem. You're not doing it for her anyway; you're doing it for your nieces.

 

:grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

When we moved into this house, my youngest was just reaching the end of her playing with toys stage. I have a small attic off of my closet and I just stored all of the toys in there until the kids were ready to part with them. I am down to nothing but bins of stuffies. If you can store it then jut do that until you are ready to let it go.

[Cera]

I would keep it if you have room. My daughters play with their dad's play kitchen from childhood very time they go to their grandparents house. It is a wooden kitchen with plastic toys and still in great condition after 25+ years in storage. They love that it was "daddy's" and he likes to sit and play with them while telling them stories about how he used it when he was a kid.

 

A bit of rubbing alcohol or a magic eraser might get the scribbles off of it as well.