Intrusive personal question for women over age 40 (how's that for a title?).

[Julie in CA]

I never really hear people talk about this (maybe I run in a crowd that just doesn't talk about personal issues, huh? :001_smile:).

 

I've heard a lot about lack of desire for teA while raising dc, but I recently read an article about changes over age 40, and it got me to wondering...

 

If you/significant other are over 40, did you notice a lessening in libido?

I'm making it a poll so that people can feel free to answer without identifying themselves, but if you're willing to discuss, I'm listening. :bigear:

 

ETA: The poll choice "other" should really have been: We didn't find a solution, and it's an ongoing problem.

If that's what your answer is, please vote "other".

 

Edited AGAIN: Not sure how to ask this. It's even MORE intrusive. :tongue_smilie: If your dh's libido dropped, were you worried that there might be a physical cause? In other words, were you concerned that it might be a symptom of a more worrisome health issue?

Edited January 31, 2012 by Julie in CA

[Julie in CA]

I guess that's the only problem with a poll where people vote anonymously, but don't reply, huh? They fall off the first page *really quickly!* :001_huh:

[GoVanGogh]

I guess that's the only problem with a poll where people vote anonymously, but don't reply, huh? They fall off the first page *really quickly!*

:lol:

Well, I'll go out on a limb. :tongue_smilie:

 

I voted "other."

Mine decreased quite a bit. DH's increased.

I went on bio-identical hormone replacement for other reasons, but it has helped a lot in this area. :D

[Wheres Toto]

I voted other but because none of the other options fit.

 

DH is 55 and I'm 43. Neither of our libidos have dropped off (dh has the libido of an 18 year old, LOL) but since our kids are still very young, frequency isn't where we'd like it to be. We pretty much accept it as the current normal given exhaustion from chasing around young kids that don't sleep well. There are signs of improvement though and I expect it to be much better within a year or so.

[AuntieM]

At first glance at your post title I thought you wanted us to make a list of intrusive questions people have asked now that I'm over 40. :D

 

I was thinking of some I could list, but then I remembered the realization that came when I hit four-oh - that I was certainly old enough to tell someone when something was none of his business!!!

 

(But I did answer your poll!)

[StartingOver]

Hubby drinks tea like an 18 year old. I could care less about tea most of the time, and hate that. But I drink tea with him as often as usual, I just wish I could enjoy it more. Hubby is 53 and I am 43 but we also still have small children in the home, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I am sure a bit has to do with being premenopausal too. ;-)

[Parrothead]

I voted other. None of your options fit our circumstances. (40 wasn't the magical age.)

[Julie in CA]

I voted other but because none of the other options fit.

 

DH is 55 and I'm 43. Neither of our libidos have dropped off (dh has the libido of an 18 year old, LOL) but since our kids are still very young, frequency isn't where we'd like it to be. We pretty much accept it as the current normal given exhaustion from chasing around young kids that don't sleep well. There are signs of improvement though and I expect it to be much better within a year or so.

Yeah, I had a hard time phrasing & determining options for the poll--I don't think I did a very good job of it! {why isn't there a shrugging smiley?}

 

And as for the other part, good for you! :D

[Julie in CA]

I voted other. None of your options fit our circumstances. (40 wasn't the magical age.)

Are you saying that it was less than 40, or that it was over 40, or that it was always an issue regardless of age?

[StartingOver]

I voted other but because none of the other options fit.

 

DH is 55 and I'm 43. Neither of our libidos have dropped off (dh has the libido of an 18 year old, LOL) but since our kids are still very young, frequency isn't where we'd like it to be. We pretty much accept it as the current normal given exhaustion from chasing around young kids that don't sleep well. There are signs of improvement though and I expect it to be much better within a year or so.

 

Oh girl, I am hoping for a year or so !! I want *Nap* time for mom and dad back ! ( That means I have to be able to leave the kids doing something else and trust that they won't burn down the house. Because they don't nap anymore ! )

[SnowWhite]

Mine has gradually increased, dh's is nonexistent due to anti-depressant. His doc is pursuing Low T as a diagnosis for him. If he could ever get off the meds we'd be all set! (although, his was artificially high before due to extremely low serotonin levels, thus the need for the antidepressant).

[Cricket]

Hubby drinks tea like an 18 year old. I could care less about tea most of the time, and hate that. But I drink tea with him as often as usual, I just wish I could enjoy it more. Hubby is 53 and I am 43 but we also still have small children in the home, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I am sure a bit has to do with being premenopausal too. ;-)

 

 

I'm about in the same boat and dh and I are about the same age as you both. Hate would be too strong a word for me though! I could easily do without for long stretches at a time. Dh, on the other hand, starts whining if it has been 24 hours. :lol:

[Parrothead]

Are you saying that it was less than 40, or that it was over 40, or that it was always an issue regardless of age?

For us the issues with tea started less than age 40.

[StartingOver]

I'm about in the same boat and dh and I are about the same age as you both. Hate would be too strong a word for me though! I could easily do without for long stretches at a time. Dh, on the other hand, starts whining if it has been 24 hours. :lol:

 

:lol::lol: Do you think they are brothers ???

[Wheres Toto]

:lol::lol: Do you think they are brothers ???

 

Sounds like we may have a case of triplets. What is it about men hitting the 50's? Are they trying to reclaim their youth?

 

Getting the kids old enough to hang out in their room even if there not sleeping helps a lot. In the past 6 months or so, they have gotten much better at staying in bed watching a movie. Even if we don't go right to bed, having that relaxation time makes things much nicer.

[Catherine]

Let's just say we've both moved closer to the middle, and that has worked well : )

[StartingOver]

Sounds like we may have a case of triplets. What is it about men hitting the 50's? Are they trying to reclaim their youth?

 

Getting the kids old enough to hang out in their room even if there not sleeping helps a lot. In the past 6 months or so, they have gotten much better at staying in bed watching a movie. Even if we don't go right to bed, having that relaxation time makes things much nicer.

 

Ours still sleep in our bed, not that they don't have their own room. I can't wait till we move and they have their own rooms, then maybe we can get them out of our bed.

 

Triplets, yeah ! :lol::lol:

[Ottakee]

I checked various answers.

 

Our teA brewing has GREATLY increased in the past 6 months. Dh had some health issues that were addressed---low Testosterone, Type 2 diabetes, had a heart attack a year ago, etc. We also moved and now the girls are on the 2nd floor, our room is on the main floor and ds is in the basement so we have a lot more privacy as well.

 

I am finding that my interest is going up. I am 41. Not sure if it is a factor of age or just that we are getting to a stage where the kids aren't taking up all of my time and energy----3 special needs kids require a lot of extra.

 

If Testosterone might be an issues, PLEASE keep pushing for the tests---the overall T level and the free T level. We had 2 doctors say that the level which was just above the very baseline level was "normal" and they wouldnt' treat. Finally our FEMALE NP saw him and said she would treat. The "normal" he had was for a 90+ year old man, not someone in their early 40s. It took a bit of time to find the best form of treatment and dose but it has really helped.

 

Not only has it helped in the TeA area but also his overall mood, energy level, health, etc. Even his blood sugars are getting better and better. Sadly many doctors wont' treat to optimize the levels.

 

If there are other issues with performance, please see a doctor. They could signal other health issues--heart issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. that all need attention. If that is all clear, then there are treatments which really do help.

[edelweiss]

I've always had a low libido. That hasn't changed with age. DH is exactly the same as well.

[GailV]

 

I've heard a lot about lack of desire for teA while raising dc, but I recently read an article about changes over age 40, and it got me to wondering...

 

 

 

And then there are those of us who had a child at age 40 or older. I think you have a good chunk of us here on these boards.

 

So that should skew things nicely.:001_smile:

[StartingOver]

 

If there are other issues with performance, please see a doctor. They could signal other health issues--heart issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. that all need attention. If that is all clear, then there are treatments which really do help.

 

This was the case for us a few years back. Hubby now has 3 heart stents, and is 18 again. We are very lucky that I insisted, since he was just assuming he was getting to old for tea. Which wasn't the case at all.

[zookeeper]

I've never liked tea very much....until I started hormone therapy. Now I'm hooked! :D Dh has pretty much stayed the same over the years. Ladies, get your hormones checked!!! I'm so glad I didn't go through my entire life wondering what the big deal was.

[KidsHappen]

Both my hubby and I are over 40. My interest is higher than ever but our frequency is slightly less than it was even just a year ago. I attribute that to my mood issues and the extremely stressful situations that we have had to deal with in the last year. It is not really an issue for me but I think that as always my hubby wishes the frequency was a little higher. Every thing works well and we don't have any problems in that area. I would like to reach a place where our libidos were about the same and we were both satisfied with the frequency. I think that is just a matter of time as his slows down and mine increases. I hope I answered all the questions. If not, I will edit to add.

 

ETA: I am noticing that a lot of women are saying that their hubby's intrerest went up NOT down at 50. Please tell me this isn't so. I have been so looking forward to my hubby turning 50 and since he passed it about a year ago I have been patiently waiting for the downturn and while it might be slightly lower, it's not near as much as I thought it would be. I have been hoping that it was just going to take a little more time. By the way, he does not consider every day for a week to be equal to twice a week for a month. :confused: If he did, that would make things so much easier. ;)

Edited February 1, 2012 by KidsHappen

[woolybear]

I don't want to as often as I used to. This is due in large part to stress and tiredness. I'm fine with it. Dh is not.

[KrissiK]

I don't think age has to do with frequency for us. It's more of a stress/exhaustion issue.

[Julie in CA]

Sounds like we may have a case of triplets. What is it about men hitting the 50's? Are they trying to reclaim their youth?

Does this mean that if I wait until dh is 50, things will get better? ;)

[Julie in CA]

If Testosterone might be an issues, PLEASE keep pushing for the tests---the overall T level and the free T level. We had 2 doctors say that the level which was just above the very baseline level was "normal" and they wouldnt' treat. Finally our FEMALE NP saw him and said she would treat. The "normal" he had was for a 90+ year old man, not someone in their early 40s. It took a bit of time to find the best form of treatment and dose but it has really helped.

 

Not only has it helped in the TeA area but also his overall mood, energy level, health, etc. Even his blood sugars are getting better and better. Sadly many doctors wont' treat to optimize the levels.

 

If there are other issues with performance, please see a doctor. They could signal other health issues--heart issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. that all need attention. If that is all clear, then there are treatments which really do help.

To say that dh is unlikely to go to the doctor for this would be an incredible understatement. Maybe if I can get him to go for a regular check-up (unlikely, but still possible), they will just sort of "stumble upon" what might be causing a big libido change? Down from 3-4x per week to 1x per week and sometimes not even that. :001_huh: (And in case someone might wonder, I'm really quite certain he's not seeking teA elsewhere either.)

[PrincessMommy]

Hubby drinks tea like an 18 year old. I could care less about tea most of the time, and hate that. But I drink tea with him as often as usual, I just wish I could enjoy it more. Hubby is 53 and I am 43 but we also still have small children in the home, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I am sure a bit has to do with being premenopausal too. ;-)

 

This is us too. I keep waiting for his to drop off - foolishly thought it would at around age 50, but that hasn't happened. I've been sorely disappointed.

[ereks mom]

:lol:

If you/significant other are over 40, did you notice a lessening in libido?

 

Yes, definitely, for me, but not at all for dh.

 

The poll choice "other" should really have been: We didn't find a solution, and it's an ongoing problem.

If that's what your answer is, please vote "other".

 

This is us, so I voted "other". Dh & I are both 51.

 

I don't want to as often as I used to. This is due in large part to stress and tiredness. I'm fine with it. Dh is not.

 

Same here. I try to be accommodating, though, and teA is fine when it does happen, but still not usually something I look forward to. :confused: Dh used to worry that I didn't think he's as attractive/exciting as he used to be. I explained many times that it's hormones and a lot of other things that have nothing to do with him. He finally gets it. Most of the time. But he still gets upset when he's interested and I'm not (again).

 

I keep waiting for his [libido :lol:] to drop off - foolishly thought it would at around age 50, but that hasn't happened. I've been sorely disappointed.

 

Yep. Me too. :lol:

Edited February 1, 2012 by ereks mom

[VeteranMom]

Mine dropped. I had blood work done to test my hormone levels. I have low progesterone, very low testosterone, and low estrogen. I'm on bio-identical gels now and it's helping with a lot of my symptoms.

[SnowWhite]

This is us too. I keep waiting for his to drop off - foolishly thought it would at around age 50, but that hasn't happened. I've been sorely disappointed.

 

For his LIBIDO to drop off you mean. You don't want to know the picture that sprang to mind. :lol::lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

If my dh's tea-drinking had lessened, then we would need to find a solution. Vacation, hormones, additional husband, something.

[4everHis]

And then there are those of us who had a child at age 40 or older. I think you have a good chunk of us here on these boards.

 

So that should skew things nicely.:001_smile:

 

I helped with the skewing of things. :glare:

[4everHis]

If my dh's tea-drinking had lessened, then we would need to find a solution. Vacation, hormones, additional husband, something.

 

:smilielol5:

[Iucounu]

We are platonic now. TeA was causing us such stress, due to trauma of one of us, that we decided to give it up.

[sparrow]

This is us too. I keep waiting for his to drop off - foolishly thought it would at around age 50, but that hasn't happened. I've been sorely disappointed.

 

For his LIBIDO to drop off you mean. You don't want to know the picture that sprang to mind. :lol::lol:

 

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5:

[HappyCrazyMama]

Sounds like we may have a case of triplets. What is it about men hitting the 50's? Are they trying to reclaim their youth?

 

Getting the kids old enough to hang out in their room even if there not sleeping helps a lot. In the past 6 months or so, they have gotten much better at staying in bed watching a movie. Even if we don't go right to bed, having that relaxation time makes things much nicer.

 

Please say it isn't so. Tea is great sometimes but he already prefers to brew a pot more than I do. I voted dropped, for us both (just a little) and we're fine with that, at least I am.

[Serenade]

I don't think age has to do with frequency for us. It's more of a stress/exhaustion issue.

 

 

Yes.

[amydavis]

If my dh's tea-drinking had lessened, then we would need to find a solution. Vacation, hormones, additional husband, something.

:lol:

[KidsHappen]

If my dh's tea-drinking had lessened, then we would need to find a solution. Vacation, hormones, additional husband, something.

 

TDY (deployment) must be hell for you. I know it was for my mom. ;) For me personally, it works better when my hubby is on the road and only comes home two days a week. That way we have two really good days and then I have a few days break to recharge my batteries.

[Ottakee]

Can you go with him? Give the doctor a heads up ahead of time?

 

Seriously, I wish we would have pushed this whole thing a lot sooner. Dh was declared "healthy" just a few days before his heart attack but they didnt' do an EKG or other tests which would have showed a heart issue which can lead to all other kinds of issues.

 

Some doctors are very reluctant to test for testosterone---even the endocrinologist we saw said dh was "fine" but the NP at our primary agreed to test and treat and the different in all around health is AMAZING---mood energy level, muscle mass, etc. as well as teA brewing.

[Julie in CA]

Can you go with him? Give the doctor a heads up ahead of time?

My dh does not go to the doctor for ANYTHING, except for a quickie checkup that he has to do every 2(?) years to maintain a racing license.

 

Last year I asked him if I could make the appointment for his checkup, and if he was fine with having a regular checkup rather than a just the cursory eyesight & bp check. I must have caught him during a weak moment, because he actually agreed, so I called the doc and made the appointment, asking them to do a thorough checkup.

 

Apparently, when he went to the appointment they forgot to do anything other than the licensing checkup requirement. :confused: Dh decided not to bring it to their attention. :glare::glare:

 

I will have to wait another year and then try it again. :banghead:

[lllll]

..

Edited December 24, 2012 by ksva

[DianeW88]

You know, it could be mental. Has your dh gained weight recently? Does he work out? Has something changed drastically in his work situation or elsewhere that is causing him stress?

 

I know that if I've gained a couple of pounds or haven't exercised for a little while, that I feel less attractive and appealing to my husband. It's my own personal thing, not anything my dh has ever said to me (he always says the opposite and rolls his eyes when I tell him that), but if I don't feel I look the way I want to, that changes me. I know I'm more self-conscious about my body if I haven't kept up with my physical appearance. And again, it doesn't matter what dh says...it's just how I feel about myself. If your dh has experienced any physical changes, he may be feeling the same way...just not verbalizing it.

 

Maybe you could suggest spending time together in the evenings walking, hiking or doing whatever form of physical activity you enjoy. That will help him both mentally and physically. Exercise is great for the libido!!

 

And that 50 thing...my dh was the same way. :lol: Although at his last physical, they did do bloodwork and his doc told him he had the testosterone level of a 20 year old. :D I was pretty darn happy about that.

[TravelingChris]

I said other. Nothing has dropped off but dh is gone so much that frequency is less but only because of that. We pick up again when he is home.