Losing temper with your children during schooltime?

[Halcyon]

I am not one to ever lose my temper unless I'm having hormone issues which is maybe a few times a year.

 

Has your friend tried a reward system? My older son is a complainer/whiner/wasting time-er LOL. I decided to tie his allowance to his school work instead of to chores. He gets 4 quarters a day. Every time he whines or complains about something I take one away. Guess how many quarters he's had taken away since I started this??? 0!!! He's also very money/thing oriented though, so I hit him at his sweet spot.

 

I think it's important to make sure to keep the curriculum interesting and fun, too. No kid is going to want to sit down and work if they find every subject boring. If her kids are older maybe she could let them pick out a subject or two?

]

 

Thank you for your ideas. I am sure she will read them herself but I'll make sure. I know she tends to use more "school-y" stuff and I think it would help for her to move out of her comfort zone to something more eclectic, at least in one or two topics.

[NatYoung17]

I lose my temper way too often with Ds7. I love him tremendously, but he is very frustrating. He knows how to do the work. He CAN work quickly. He just won't. Imagine me saying in a nice but no nonsense voice (after many redirections), "Ds, you need to get this done right. now." Less than ten seconds later his pencil is on the floor and he is saying something about legos. Or his cousin. Or Star Wars. Or his toothbrush, for Pete's sake. At that point, it becomes, "YOU NEED TO GET THIS DONE RIGHT. NOW."

 

 

:iagree: I have the same problem with my dd (just turned 7). It's very frustrating when I know that she knows how to do the task, but she just doesn't want to and just wastes a lot of time whining about it or staring into space... Haven't really found a great solution to this or how to handle it well... :confused:

[NatYoung17]

The timing of this poll was like a God-send. I was toying w/ the idea the other day whether or not we should continue to HS. If I'm yelling at my kids or not patient what am I really teaching them?

 

I listened to a CD once - and frequently forget what I've learned. But one of the biggest take aways from it was that we are usually angry when OUR needs aren't being met. For example - rush hour traffic. It isn't the traffic that makes people angry. The lady who didn't have a chance to put on her make-up is grateful. The guy who's late for the meeting he feels is critical goes crazy. Look at what you're placing on your children and how this is upsetting you.

 

For me, it's usually that I feel like MY time is being wasted when the dawdle (my priority should be them - I should be happy to spend time w/ them), I become impatient when I have to repeat things (do I get it right the first time? Aren't they kids who are learning?), etc, etc.

 

Thanks!!!

 

Thank you for posting that! That is so true, but most times we forget that...

[*Lulu*]

It averages out to once a week. If we have been doing our normal school schedule for several weeks, my DS who needs a schedule rolls along no problem. If we are coming back from a break, even a week off, I can expect two to four days of h-e-double-hockey-sticks before it smooths back out. While I am aware that me losing my temper over his adjustment issues only makes it worse, I do sadly find myself losing it more during those times.

 

 

I also find myself losing it when I have either unrealistic expectations, or when I have inadequetly prepared for the day/week/whatever. The kids might be the spark that lit the fuse, but I am the one that loaded the tinderbox.

Edited January 14, 2012 by BLA5

[zenjenn]

I really only lose my temper if they cop a bad attitude and stop trying.

 

I am as patient as the day is long if there is legitimate lack of understanding. I'm even patient if the bad 'tude starts, and I empathize with frustration, offer breaks, etc. I'm even calmly will contemplate if I am pushing something too fast, if I am trying to present material that is legitimately too difficult, and will re-evaluate returning to review material, etc.

 

But when there is a stubborn dig-in-their-heels "THIS IS JUST STUPID! THIS IS TOO HARD" over something I KNOW they are capable of? And I KNOW the 'tude is because I'm Mom and not a teacher?

 

I'd say 1-2 times a month I lose it over that.

[SonshineLearner]

With my daughter who is now 13yrs old, I lost my temper when I homeschooled her last year..... I mean... everything is hard to have her do. We may both outlive this part of her life.

With my son I probably lose my temper every one or two weeks. I voted one week, because our school and life are so intertwined. I'm not a yeller... and I've stopped spanking him... so it's mostly just recommitting to enforce what I say. I have him sit on the step, feel beyond crazy because I'm being ignored... etc...

Yelling isn't the end of the world, but to me it's not about schooling... it's about parenting. I may get it down before he's 18 :)

[jewellsmommy]

I lose my temper frequently with one child, my bipolar ADHD child. He is going into oppositional defiance apparently. Unfortunately several psych opinions suggest he would do worse at school, though I likely would do much better. That isn't an option right now, so I do the best I can with what I was dealt in life.

 

 

I totally understand. I mean it. I am right there too (ADHD, ODD, mood disorder...). It is really hard to not yell when you are trying to read aloud and a little boy throws a shoe at your head because he wants to play knex instead. There is a reason that shoes are no longer allowed to be worn during school. :glare:

 

I can generally turn off my emotion and that helps 99% of the time, but mommy is human and not perfect too. I do consider it of utmost importance to model how to handle anger and frustration, and I remind myself of this daily or hourly as needed. :grouphug:

[pamd]

She's missing the big picture in a big way, I'm afraid. If yelling is all that does it, she'll always have to yell.

 

But later, that will fail. Because when the kids get to be as tall as Mom, they tend to just look at you with a "WTH" kind of expression and ignore you when you act crazy. She needs another layer to the relationship with her kids, where she understands them and they want to please her. Easier said than done.

 

All of my four children are boys. The older three are very close in age. Charlotte Mason really saved me as I was learning how to do this: Her concept of short lessons with undivided attention is just spot-on, IMO. Better to have three awesome minutes of total concentration than half an hour of poor attention and disrespect. Make those three minutes really count, not just how to focus on the lesson but how to appropriately respond to Mom/Teacher. Then slowly increase the duration of the lessons.

 

Maybe your friend would benefit from reading some CM?

 

Wow that was some good advice!!! Thanks for sharing. What a truth!!! How much do they really get even in PS and you know when you are both upset no one is learning.:iagree:

[Tawlas]

This, and I would also substitute in "I" in this way: When I have problems that don't stem fro the kids, and the position I have placed myself in. Typically the problems are the result of me being overwhelmed because I don't understand or the directions are unclear.

When I don't get enough sleep, or take care to eat a bite of protein in the morning, or get up in time to get my morning chores done, thereby putting the rest of the day in a hurry we get stressed.

 

I voted that I am seldom angry enough to even lower my voice (the sure sign that my temper is going) but then, I seldom lose my temper as a rule. So I'm not sure that I contribute to the poll in any helpful way.

But the first thing I look at when my child loses his temper is whether he has rested well or whether he might be a little hungry, and I then wonder if I'm simply asking too much of him too quickly and without enough direction. I find the same questions are helpful for finding where my temper went too.

 

This is a great post. I see myself in these words - except I DO lose my temper. It's something I'm working on, and struggling with. Some good suggestions here. I also wanted to add that I found the book "Good and Angry" to be quite helpful (it does have a Christian flavor if that would bother you). Something I took away from it was that anger is like a symptom: it indicates a problem. It's not a bad thing, it just means you have to stop and look at what is happening and how to fix it. Easier said than done, but it was big for me loL!

Edited January 15, 2012 by Tawlas

[Halcyon]

This is a great post. I see myself in these words - except I DO lose my temper. It's something I'm working on, and struggling with. Some good suggestions here. I also wanted to add that I found the book "Good and Angry" to be quite helpful (it does have a Christian flavor if that would bother you). Something I took away from it was that anger is like a symptom: it indicates a problem. It's not a bad thing, it just means you have to stop and look at what is happening and how to fix it. Easier said than done, but it was big for me loL!

 

Thanks for this reference! Also, can anyone recommend some CM books for my friend? I don't know much about CM.

[honeymommy4]

I voted once a week - now. 6 months ago it was definitely more than that because i have a child with behavior issues and was not learning to control my reactions.

 

I think in the earlier years it might be more common especially because mom is still building up her confidence - not always sure that she is doing the right thing and also if she has younger kids, it can be frustrating.

[Ariston]

I voted daily. Most days it is very minor, maybe just a frustrated tone that I use when I get exhasperated. Some days (i.e. 1x/month) I am ready to loose it over anything. I've told my son during those times "Listen, I'm in a bad mood. We have to meet eachother half way. Neither of us wants me to yell at you. What I can promise is that the first time I ask you to do something, I can be sweet as sugar. What you need to do is make sure you respond that first time. Then no one gets yelled at. I can't make any guarantees about what tone I'll use if its the second, third, fourth time I've asked you to do something...."

 

Another thing that has helped us in daily school is setting a timer for each subject. When the timer goes off, we move on to the next subject whether we are finished or not. This has helped me because often I was getting very frustrating if math was dragging on and on, and I was feeling more and more behind.

 

Thanks for the poll! Its always good to reflect on these things and trouble shoot, and to hear that we are not alone.

 

Elena

[Ariston]

Thanks for this reference! Also, can anyone recommend some CM books for my friend? I don't know much about CM.

 

I have the same question...I love the idea of getting them to focus hard for a few minutes, but how the heck do you do that? (short of yelling harshly :D)

[woolybear]

I voted "very few times and I consider it highly unusual". I eliminated the things that were causing friction. Math that frustrated child which resulted in whining/arguing/not wanting to do it? Gone. Book that was boring and didn't add much to learning which resulted in "why do I have to read this?" I thought about it. Answer was you don't. Now, just because a dc is frustrated, bored, etc. doesn't mean I drop said item. It does mean I reevaluate though. Dc are more willing to do what I ask because I try to lose the stuff that doesn't work or maybe doesn't really have a relevance. Therefore, what I do ask of them is more relevant, hopefully more on level and less boring. Then they are more on board to do it.

 

Also big area of conflict: kids working in room at the same time on separate work. Since I only have 2, I have them do most of their work at separate times. My calm and patience shoots way up. :)

[nikkid]

I've told my son during those times "Listen, I'm in a bad mood. We have to meet eachother half way. Neither of us wants me to yell at you. What I can promise is that the first time I ask you to do something, I can be sweet as sugar. What you need to do is make sure you respond that first time. Then no one gets yelled at. I can't make any guarantees about what tone I'll use if its the second, third, fourth time I've asked you to do something...."

 

I have thought this in the past too, but nowadays I am feeling like it comes out that I'm letting my child control my emotions and I'm not sure that's the message I want my child to hear. I can definitely see how my temper/lack of patience is now showing up in my children always yelling at each other when their sibling doesn't act the way the want the first time. This is so hard...I'm sure trying hard to think of other consequences to use instead of yelling to promote listening and obeying the first time.

[Ariston]

I have thought this in the past too, but nowadays I am feeling like it comes out that I'm letting my child control my emotions and I'm not sure that's the message I want my child to hear. I can definitely see how my temper/lack of patience is now showing up in my children always yelling at each other when their sibling doesn't act the way the want the first time. This is so hard...I'm sure trying hard to think of other consequences to use instead of yelling to promote listening and obeying the first time.

 

I agree with you. I definitely don't think this is what a parent *should* be saying to their child. I've even tried making a behavior chart for myself! But the problem with that is I'm not in the mood to give myself a demerit right when I'm losing my temper. :tongue_smilie:

[Miss Innocent]

I'm afraid I am one of the ones who voted that I had never lost my temper over school. Admittedly we haven't been homeschooling very long, but I have almost never lost my temper with my son. I hardly ever lose my temper full stop. Probably a few times a year I lose the plot and yell 'at the world'. This is usually directed mainly at my poor husband rather than at children and is due to tiredness, being overwhelmed, hormones and such like all coming at once.

 

I would like to say though that I have not always been like this. Growing up I had a terrible temper. And even as an adult there were a few occasions a long time ago when I lost my temper in a pretty scary way - like *almost* a police matter scary. :blushing: I have just learnt over the years to control it as I realised how dangerous and damaging a temper could be.

 

My son isn't an angel either. I love him to bits, but he is fidgety, whiny (the one thing I didn't want - a whiny child!), messes about all through school time, and so on. My older son was really, really challenging in so many ways. In fact I'm sure some of the patience I have now comes from having been his mother for 7 years. :001_smile: The only times I have really lost my temper with the children was when we were first having to do the school run. I'm not my best in the morning, and neither have either of my children been early risers, so having to get a 4 year old and a 2 year old ready and out the door was a real challenge for me. Still, I learnt that yelling achieved nothing, so I stopped!

 

I know this isn't want people want to hear. And I know that changing a habit is HARD, but losing your temper frequently with your children isn't likely to improve your relationship with them and rarely achieves what you want to achieve even in the short term. It is hard to do things differently, and takes energy to think up new strategies. I would say try to make sure you get enough rest (hard I know - I don't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep - our son gets into our bed every night now after his brother died), look after yourself and your needs, don't overload yourself and try to give yourself the space you need to think of new ways of dealing with the problems. It will take time, but you can do it.

 

:grouphug: for those struggling with this issue at the moment. Being a mum is hard, and a home schooling mum even harder, so no one should beat themselves up over this.

 

Emma x

[momtoamiracle]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one whose lost their temper while schooling.

 

 

it's getting better, but there have been times that I wanted to pack him up and bring him to public school! The problem would be not doing what I was telling him to do. We don't spend a lot of time doing school, but he'd really rather do something else. Now that we're winding up our curriculum I don't have to get as much done, so our lessons are shorter. That works much much better and I will continue to do it that way for the next few years.

[BoZeeCo's Mom]

I have to say, I live this poll. Thank you for doing it. I answered about once a week - on average. It is really reassuring to see that other people are going through this sometimes, too.

[5knights3maidens]

I've lost my temper 3 times, but I voted monthly because once a month I really, really want to, and kiddo is aware I could lose my temper. I raise my voice and tell him, rather honestly but not sugar coated, "If I die you'll have to go to public school, and they will NOT accept X, Y, and Z", things such as singing when the teacher is talking, leaping up without asking first, coming to the desk dressed in a distracting cape, a carrot in the mouth, and a pink felt piggy hat on. Also, BMs that take half an hour arriving regularly when math gets tough.

 

 

About the "BM's"; my daughter has to "now" take her math book in with her and she gets it done. :)

[MelissaMinNC]

Once per month, exactly on schedule. :nopity:

 

I have finally learned to just cancel the parent-led part of homeschooling for about two days. I assign some extra reading, send them all to their rooms, and eat chocolate. This, my friends, is how to be homeschooling lifer. Build the chocolate into the routine. LOL

 

And I will admit that school can be a little terse, or a little git'-er-done sometimes when life is stressful. I can't be Mary Poppins all the time. I come from no-nonsense, no-pity people, so that's my default when times are tough.

 

Having said all that, if I found myself screaming at my children all the time, calling them names, or insulting them, I'd have to figure out what to change. I'm not keeping them out of ps to make their life a living hell.

 

I think I might be in love with you. (She said, as she grabbed a few more chocolate chips out of the bag.)

[boscopup]

So how many have had better days since this poll? :lurk5:

 

When it first came up, it did make me think about what things we were battling over on occasion (and it was occasional, not all the time). I made it a point to change the way I reacted. It also helps that we recently had a gospel meeting, and one of the sermons was on self-control, including parenting situations. I've been focusing a lot more on responding instead of reacting to issues, and teaching the kids to do the same (reacting would be yelling/screaming... responding would be talking it out and staying calm). I've seen much improvement all around! :D I have one child that screams if anything isn't right. Even he is slowly learning to respond instead of react (and it's hard for him). So yay!

 

Thank you, Halcyon, for this thread, and thank you to the moms that chimed in with advice on NOT losing your temper. Because really, it is about self-control on our parts. And sometimes a simple change in mom can cause a huge change (for the better) in the children. ;)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I think I might be in love with you. (She said, as she grabbed a few more chocolate chips out of the bag.)

 

:grouphug:

[Cassy]

I think I might be in love with you. (She said, as she grabbed a few more chocolate chips out of the bag.)

 

:iagree: This has been me this week - only it's been more like three days than two. It really does help to assuage the guilt knowing that there's someone else, however far away, doing exactly the same thing. I feel as though I've just been given permission to have a couple of days off school duty each month so that I can sit and wallow in my hormones while eating as much chocolate as I like :D.

 

Cassy

[Sahamamama]

Oh, wow. Tell your friend that I lost my temper once with a FIVE year old who was goofing off while completing a spelling page. I grabbed the page and crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Bad, bad Mommy.

 

Recently, while planning out Kindergarten for my twins, I was going through my oldest daughter's Kindergarten notebooks. I came across that crumpled spelling page. Yes, I kept it. After I crumpled that page in anger and blew up all over the poor five year old, I felt terrible (rightly so). I thought, "How is this stupid school work more important to me than this amazing, precious child?" I took that child up in my lap, sighed, cried, apologized, snuggled, pulled the paper out of the trash, smoothed it out, and filed it. That was a real day in the life of our homeschool. Homeschooling has its highlights and its lowlights, KWIM?

 

When I saw that page again, it reminded me that I am a fallible human being. It also showed me how that year has come and gone for that small child. Our homeschool life is what we make it. Do we want constant conflict or peace-filled days? Except for that one explosion, the rest of the year was tender and sweet. I don't remember what triggered the loss of temper, but I probably hadn't had a good night's sleep. It's better to get off the Internet/WTM boards at night -- stop "researching curriculum" ;) -- and get the sleep we need to be patient, compassionate teachers in the morning.

 

At this point, with my children still being so young, I try to keep my heart open to their strong need for mothering. They need me much more as a warm, affectionate mother now than they do as a demanding teacher, so we start with that -- snuggles and hugs and tickles all day -- and still get our schoolwork done. After that episode two years ago, we also began praying at the beginning of our school days. I specifically ask God for patience and wisdom. I need both! I truly do not want to "lose it" with my children.

 

Edited to add: Sometimes I do half-jokingly tell my oldest that if she doesn't start to use her brain, I'm going to put her on the bus. Does anyone else here do that? (Blush).

Edited March 7, 2012 by Sahamamama
Added the bus comments

[LMD]

I said once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. With potty training a 19 months old atm, it might just be more ;)

[Greta Lea]

SO, I worked *hard* to stop.

 

I had a few years of yelling when I would loose my temper. Then I got control of that, but moved on to an extremely frustrated sigh and facial expression. Well, that was just as bad.

 

My boys shut down when they are treated like that. They can't think, so they can't learn if I'm getting frustrated like that OR if they are always anticipating it.

 

 

I *really* started working on getting it under control (old, bad habits are HARD to break) when I overheard my younger son, probably about 9yo at that time, tell somone that I made him nervous during school time:(

 

No wonder he had trouble focusing.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

if it gets to be that frustrating for me/him when we're doing something (or trying to do something)-then we take a break.....

[Halcyon]

So how many have had better days since this poll? :lurk5:

 

When it first came up, it did make me think about what things we were battling over on occasion (and it was occasional, not all the time). I made it a point to change the way I reacted. It also helps that we recently had a gospel meeting, and one of the sermons was on self-control, including parenting situations. I've been focusing a lot more on responding instead of reacting to issues, and teaching the kids to do the same (reacting would be yelling/screaming... responding would be talking it out and staying calm). I've seen much improvement all around! :D I have one child that screams if anything isn't right. Even he is slowly learning to respond instead of react (and it's hard for him). So yay!

 

Thank you, Halcyon, for this thread, and thank you to the moms that chimed in with advice on NOT losing your temper. Because really, it is about self-control on our parts. And sometimes a simple change in mom can cause a huge change (for the better) in the children. ;)

 

 

We've had pretty good days. I voted that I lose my temper probably once a week, mostly with my older. It's been tough because he's going through a "slowdown"--work is taking him longer than it should, and I get frustrated. But I have reluctantly decided to back off and do less for a month or so, and next week he's going to morning hockey camp at the Y (it's public school spring break). Hopefully he'll get back on track at some point ;)

[Tidbits of Learning]

LOL. You're so smart to anticipate this and plan for it, rather than just trying to deal with the aftermath! I don't think she calls her kids names, but they are very sluggish workers and she finds that she either has to yell at them or just give up for the day. I have been trying to encourage her not to just give up on them, but then, she says, she has to yell at them to motivate them. :(

 

I haven't read through all the pages yet, but I brought my kids home from ps after they had been in for a bit. My oldest was going into 4th then and the 1st year was rough b/c ps really spoon fed them or they did a lot of it together and kids were just righting down answers and not thinking. Basically they didn't know how to motivate themselves.

I bought a behavior chart from the school aids store with red, yellow, and green cards that had either a smiley face, a neutral face, or a frownie face. I also made a treasure box and filled it with pencils, stickers, pet shop toys, army men...small cheap things basically and some dum dum pops. If they made it through the week without too many :( faces, then they got to pick from the treasure chest. And yes, I did get the idea from their ps class habits.

I used a behavior chart that had smileys to stamp and if they got 3 out of 5 smileys at first they got the treasure chest. Eventually, I moved to only treasure chest if they had 4 out of 5. I think it was one of these on this page.

http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/teacher%27s_page.htm

Edited March 8, 2012 by OpenMinded

[nikkid]

Oh, wow. Tell your friend that I lost my temper once with a FIVE year old who was goofing off while completing a spelling page. I grabbed the page and crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Bad, bad Mommy.

 

Recently, while planning out Kindergarten for my twins, I was going through my oldest daughter's Kindergarten notebooks. I came across that crumpled spelling page. Yes, I kept it. After I crumpled that page in anger and blew up all over the poor five year old, I felt terrible (rightly so). I thought, "How is this stupid school work more important to me than this amazing, precious child?" I took that child up in my lap, sighed, cried, apologized, snuggled, pulled the paper out of the trash, smoothed it out, and filed it. That was a real day in the life of our homeschool. Homeschooling has its highlights and its lowlights, KWIM?

 

When I saw that page again, it reminded me that I am a fallible human being. It also showed me how that year has come and gone for that small child. Our homeschool life is what we make it. Do we want constant conflict or peace-filled days? Except for that one explosion, the rest of the year was tender and sweet. I don't remember what triggered the loss of temper, but I probably hadn't had a good night's sleep. It's better to get off the Internet/WTM boards at night -- stop "researching curriculum" ;) THIS IS ME TOO! -- and get the sleep we need to be patient, compassionate teachers in the morning.

 

At this point, with my children still being so young, I try to keep my heart open to their strong need for mothering. They need me much more as a warm, affectionate mother now than they do as a demanding teacher, so we start with that -- snuggles and hugs and tickles all day -- and still get our schoolwork done. After that episode two years ago, we also began praying at the beginning of our school days. I specifically ask God for patience and wisdom. I need both! I truly do not want to "lose it" with my children.

 

This was beautiful. Thank you for opening up and sharing this. I was too embarrassed to share my tantrums. :blushing:

[LittleIzumi]

More than once a week but it's mostly tied to the ADHD in this particular child. We did recently make the move the Amanda Bennet unit studies that are a perfect fit for her right now and really capture her interest. Phonics was a fight, copywork was a fight, any writing was a fight, reading was a fight, but now she reads about horses (voluntarily and for class), writes about horses (copywork and narration and filling in answers, plus scripture copywork relating to them), makes books about horses on her own time, after AAS (which she loves much more than ETC) she will write a horse sentence or story and illustrate it on the whiteboard, does MathRider for fact practice, and I've found a better combination of math for her as well. That helps a LOT. Now it's a couple of times a week instead of a couple of times a day, lol. I don't really yell, but I do get very frustrated and quietly angry, and I'm glad it's going down a lot. Plus now they can go OUTSIDE again!!!!!

[Occasionally]

 

When I saw that page again, it reminded me that I am a fallible human being. It also showed me how that year has come and gone for that small child.

 

Wow. Thank you so much.

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Maybe 2 or 3 times per year.

[Walking-Iris]

This has been a much needed thread for me to read today.

 

I feel like I lose my temper weekly. I don't mind "quirky" kid stuff--fooling around, doodling, being silly. I don't mind when I need to review something and it feels like I've explained it a million times (sort of frustrating, but I don't let that show to my dc). But what gets me every time is attitude.

 

My oldest ds is on the spectrum and it can be infuriatingly difficult to reason, talk,explain, ask, request etc. ANYTHING.

 

We've gone through more behavior charts, checklists, visual cues, methods than I can even count. None of it works. Promise him a reward---he doesn't want it, whatever it is-- if he has stubbornly dug his heels in. Give a punishment (and we've tried about all the methods of unharmful punishment I could find) ---that just makes him more mad and he digs in his heels deeper.

 

Insist on something (insist even to the point of yelling and getting really angry at this child) and he'll eventually do it---but he'll drag the pencil so hard that the paper rips, he'll attempt to throw away books, he's broken pencils, he's said really hateful things to me and my dh.

 

And then the next day? Well maybe he woke up that day thinking that he wants to do his school stuff and so he will. If he doesn't want to do it? well---

 

Before I get advice--let me just say I don't push or pressure this dc to work above his abilities. I have tried really hard to find the materials that work. Homeschooling as a prekinder and 1st and 2nd were easy breezy---he loved it and it was fantastic. Basically this year has been one long crisis-mode. He's now on Zoloft because of it. It seems to help, but there are still too many days---too many bad days.

 

One day he's asking to do something---the next day the very same book is "evil" he "hates" it and nothing gets accomplished. I have a 4 year old and 20 month old that needs me as well. There have been days where I can feel the tension from the moment he wakes up --so I call it preschool and spend the day doing stuff with my littles only just because I don't have the fight in me that day.

 

I get really bummed out when I lose it on my ds because I know he can't help some things and honestly can't understand another's perspective at times. But I also don't want him getting the lesson that it's okay to be really rude and hurtful, or lazy and unwilling, just because ...

 

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

He's always been difficult---but this year, this year has honestly been a homeschooling hell for me. It bleeds into other areas of our life and effects our relationship. It's all integrated.

 

It could be age---he's getting older, things change and his maturity for it is just not there. His brother is older and needs time as well. He has a relatively still new sister.

 

As for me---I know I don't take the time to nourish myself. I don't stop and make time for my hobbies and interests. I don't take time to exercise. I eat right, but maybe not often enough. There's been a cut in finances. There are days where I feel everyone and thing (the house, chores, responsibilities) is asking and taking from me---but giving nothing back. Kind of like a car running on fumes. Taking breaks seem nice---but then it becomes that much harder to get back. My ds thrives on routine---*his* routine---and having to make room in his wants for school, siblings, or outside appts (especially when they don't concern him) has become difficult.

 

I'm a pretty easy going person and generally get along well with kids. But yeah I lose it a lot more than I like to admit. Something is just really off this year.

[joyfulhomeschooler]

She's missing the big picture in a big way, I'm afraid. If yelling is all that does it, she'll always have to yell.

 

But later, that will fail. Because when the kids get to be as tall as Mom, they tend to just look at you with a "WTH" kind of expression and ignore you when you act crazy. She needs another layer to the relationship with her kids, where she understands them and they want to please her. Easier said than done.

 

All of my four children are boys. The older three are very close in age. Charlotte Mason really saved me as I was learning how to do this: Her concept of short lessons with undivided attention is just spot-on, IMO. Better to have three awesome minutes of total concentration than half an hour of poor attention and disrespect. Make those three minutes really count, not just how to focus on the lesson but how to appropriately respond to Mom/Teacher. Then slowly increase the duration of the lessons.

 

Maybe your friend would benefit from reading some CM?

 

This is great advice, and just what I needed! We have our first testing coming up this year and the last few weeks I have been pushin really hard, doing three lessons of English a day and two of math o make sure we finish our curriculum by May when it's testing time. I have found that this is making me lose my temper daily with my kids because they are moving slower and losing focus... all becaause I am pushing for TESTING! Ugh! I was just thinking today after losing my temper over my son forgetting how to do a math problemthat I really need to rethink my goals for homeschooling. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks!

[stripe]

When I find myself getting continuously crabby, I make major changes.

 

I could not deal with daily arguments. I would rather send my kids to school.

[craftymama]

My kids are at tough ages (IMO). They are 7 (almost 8), newly 5, and a 22 month old. I am very short tempered these days. Everyone needs me to do anything, from tying shoes to diaper changes to math help. The toddler is *just* starting to be able to sit and play with a fine motor activity to keep him busy, but usually he's destroying the house as I'm helping the other two kids. It was easier when I could contain him in a back carry, but that's harder to do as of late.

 

My patience is not very good with my kids these days, and I consider myself a gentle discipline type parent. I am struggling with this a lot right now. Every day I swear it will be better and every day it seems I lose my patience.

 

Oh my! Want to be my friend? I could have written this...

[warneral]

There are so many different things going on in each mother's life and I think it is important to understand that. I was losing my temper In a bad way at the beginning of the year and am quite sure it was PMDD/depression. My outbursts occurred once a month and would come on by surprise. I felt like jeckyll & hiyde and hated myself for it. I would also lose it with out of town family visitors and visits. I knew that homeschooling was the right choice for our family but I knew that crazy momma was not good for the family.

 

Having been on meds for PPD in the past, I was afraid to go back on them, but knew it was time. My usual "3 important priorities to stay sane" were no longer enough. Spiritual relationship with God, exercise, eating healthy.

 

Ive been on Prozac for 5 or so months(struggling with the side effect of not being able to sleep in the middle of the night for hours each night) but even with less sleep, I was able to function without a breakdown- thank God for meds!

 

I'm not the type to use medication willy nilly, but it has made a huge impact on my kids. Yes i raise my voice at them at times ( didn't know how to answer the poll honestly), but we are alllll (DH included ;) ) so much better off now.

Edited March 8, 2012 by warneral

[Hen]

I chose I've lost it a few times but consider it unusual...but I want to say I chose this not because I don't have a temper (I have a red-head temper) and not because my kids don't ever push me...but because I mostly refuse to go there.

 

We are a soft-spoken family, and our home is a quiet place, I don't allow the kids to speak badly to anyone, so I try not to either. When one of my kids is pushing me...and it is always my youngest 2...I refuse to go to the place of losing my temper and I just stop, usually mid sentence and tell them to go to their room. I leave them there until I cool down and usually they come back with a better attitude, or I send them back. I also will usually tell them that we are finished with that Math problem or whatever it was and they can do it with dad when he gets home and they can explain to dad why they didn't finish it with me.

 

they don't look forward to that, Dad carries out the sense of "you don't mess with mom" and they might even get grounded by him for it.

[EMS83]

Well, define "losing your temper" and also consider we haven't really started yet. I get frustrated, but I don't show it. I discipline them if they are disruptive. They are free to waste playtime being lazy/inattentive and I let them know that. If they aren't "getting it" I try to remember that I didn't at some point, either. And I still don't "get" a lot of things! So yelling, screaming, crying... not yet at least. Sometimes I'm :001_huh:, but I don't consider that losing your temper.

 

Note: just responding to OP, haven't read the thread.

[livingmydream]

Definately a few times a week, if not more, and it's not the kids faults. Lots going on right now in our lives and lots of stress and lack of sleep makes for a grumpy mama... :(

[Kim in Appalachia]

When I first started it was more often. There is almost 4 years between my first 2 girls, and when I was trying to work with my oldest (when she was 6 or 7), there was a toddler running around and a baby in the house. I was always tired, and she had no desire to do school work. She wanted to play all day. There were a lot of tears and lots of times that I lost my temper.

 

I still lose it once in a while (especially during a certain time of month ;) ) but I roll with it all much better now. Also, the rest of the kids know that school is just what has to happen. We all seem to go with the flow. Which doesn't mean there are issues. Right now, as I type, my ds7 is crying because I caught him lying about his work being done. He thought he could sneak away and I wouldn't notice. But when I told him he still had to do it he put on a big dramatic show (he is my drama king). But it doesn't bug me much anymore. Maybe I'm just numb. :D

[*Inna*]

Does it count if I only lose my temper once a month, but can't find it for a few days?

:lol::lol::lol:

[MahinaMommy]

I see this is an older poll, but it has been helpful. It seemed easier to teach children other than my own in an outside enviroment then my own at home and I was frustrated and feeling defeated. My 7 y/o son has attention issues,total lack of focus and drive. My 3 year old is a tornado and I have been exuasted carring baby 3 curenty 6 months. Its nice to know not every one is a cape wearing beauty queen! :D

[Kelly1730]

I choose the second answer and TBH, it's usually my own fault. I might get frustrated because they are not moving as fast as I want them to or not settling down quick enough, while in reality, if I had started our day earlier we wouldn't be in a time crunch.

 

Sometimes it's their frustration with a subject (writing and math come to mind:tongue_smilie:) that gets them all in an uproar and then I get impatient. But truthfully, we typically have a very peaceful homeschool for which I am very thankful:).

[2queens&1princenmyhouse]

Once per month, exactly on schedule. :nopity:

 

I have finally learned to just cancel the parent-led part of homeschooling for about two days. I assign some extra reading, send them all to their rooms, and eat chocolate. This, my friends, is how to be homeschooling lifer. Build the chocolate into the routine. LOL

 

And I will admit that school can be a little terse, or a little git'-er-done sometimes when life is stressful. I can't be Mary Poppins all the time. I come from no-nonsense, no-pity people, so that's my default when times are tough.

 

Having said all that, if I found myself screaming at my children all the time, calling them names, or insulting them, I'd have to figure out what to change. I'm not keeping them out of ps to make their life a living hell.

 

:001_smile: You are my kind of lady!

 

I saw this is an older poll. I didn't vote b/c we haven't officially started yet, but I think this thread might be one of the most helpful to me. I have tons of patience for everyone's children but my own. :blush: One of the biggest reasons I'm bringing my girls home is b/c I don't want them to feel inferior or put-down b/c they aren't the best at everything (lots of competition at school, both with academics and extra-curriculars). Reading this makes me mindful that if it bothers me that others would hurt my children's esteems, it should bother me more if I do it. There is immense pressure from DH that we "accomplish" a lot every day to prove my ability to keep the girls on track academically and still do my job (in home childcare). In my effort to show DH that I/we can hs, I must make sure that it isn't at the expense of the girls. That's a lot to think about. I need to make sure I'm in the right mindset.

 

Thank you.

[Jennifer L]

Haven't read the thread but..

I'm not sure if it's exactly loosing my temper but I get frustrated by my kids daily over their moaning and groaning about school work or doing anything they're not suppose too. I voted perhaps once per week because on average I guess I'd say I raise my voice about once a week (related to school that is! :tongue_smilie:).

[ClassicalTwins]

Thanks to who ever dug this up.... needed this today " we are not alone"

[leeannpal]

I know I don't really fit the thread as I am not homeschooling yet, but, I'll admit, that I've worried about losing it when we are homeschooling. As it is, I lose my temper at least every other week when trying to get her to get dressed for school or to complete homework. She attends a small, private school, and I teach at her school, so we see quite a bit of each other already. Basically, she is with me more than I would say the average woh mom gets to see her kids. Any tips on how to keep from getting frustrated while teaching your child would be greatly appreciated.

 

side note: I'm so looking forward to homeschooling and being even closer, but I do know we push each other's buttons sometimes!