beaners Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I'm sure there are other families here who have more children than their extended family approves of. My husband and I found out today that we have our fourth child on the way. We are both thrilled. My guess at a due date will put the birth 5 years and 1 month from when my oldest was born. It's way too early to start telling family members. Just thinking about the expected responses is disappointing me. 1 grandparent will have nothing but nice things to say, but will immediately call people to say she's worried by it. 2 of them will be positive but express a fair amount of concern or call us crazy. And 1 will list at length all of the ways this doesn't line up with what he thinks is the wisest course of action. I understand their concern, but don't agree with it. We are fine financially, and we are very happy with our family and our life. I'm fairly certain about the responses because someone misinterpreted a comment on Facebook last month, and there was plenty of relief when I said I wasn't pregnant. How do you share joy in your life when you know others won't look at it in the same light? I do have to tell them at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 This is joyful news. This is JOYFUL news. Congratulations!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 :grouphug: By snail mail so you don't have to listen to their negative comments? Share your joy with all your heart. Their response is entirely on them. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Plan a really long, bubbly, "Isn't it just wonderful, we are so happy" speech, and go on, and on about how thrilled you are. Don't give them a chance to say anything negative. Remind yourself that it doesn't matter what they think. You and dh are happy, and that is all that matters. Then if they persist, you can get snarky, and tell them you plan on having a lot of them so when you are old and cranky, your kids can take turn visiting and caring for you. :grouphug::grouphug: and CONGRATS! :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Tell us! Congratulations! I got really fed up at a similar situation lately and said "The proper response is 'congratulations'." :glare: The person apologized and congratulated me. Of course that still irked me but hopefully they won't be so rude to the next person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 :hurray::party::hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Tell us! Congratulations! I got really fed up at a similar situation lately and said "The proper response is 'congratulations'." :glare: The person apologized and congratulated me. Of course that still irked me but hopefully they won't be so rude to the next person. :iagree: Congratulations!! (I know friends who have just simply not told the grandparents until very close to the birth, because they knew they'd be negative. Really, though, the people who are negative are the ones who lose. A baby is something to celebrate!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 You sound like my SIL-she had the same time span with her kids! I would make a pointed announcement: I know our FRIENDS and LOVING family will share in our JOY and GRATITUDE that another beloved and longed for child will be joining the fun of our large busy family! And don't you buy into the negativity or borrow it right now. If someone says a grumpy comment you grab them, say "you know what, I love you but don't even try to rain on my parade, we love our family including you and we can't wait to see the newest member who will LOVE you as much as we do!" kiss kiss, impenetrable armor of love and motherhood on. Maybe they will talk but people do anyway, try not having kids at all! that's just people that love you-they will analyze and discuss. It's up to you to assure them that everything is fine and this is a happy thing. PERIOD. You shape this. Let 'em talk-you show them with your actions that all is well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 If we're doing something that I know God is directing, then I feel joy from Him. I find that He sends people to share joy with us, even when family disapproves. I did find that family members and friends who were not happy about us birthing or adopting children got over it when the baby finally came. I only went through this six times......... I learned that sometimes even people in their old age could grow and change. In the long run, I see that it was a privilege for me to be a part of their journey, even though their initial rejection of my life choices was painful. I also learned that their un-joy was mainly fear and worry. And honestly, it was also because they had lived longer than me and knew first hand how much work it is to raise kids. Our family grew to six kids in 10 years and 2 months. I just watched a home video of our family when we only had 5 kids and they were all really little. I thought to myself, "Who is that crazy woman!!!" It was me. We lived through it. I'm glad we did it. But that many kids in so little time is some kind of something. Ultimately, I have to keep reminding myself that my family members are entitled to have emotions. But I really make a big mistake if I let them steal my joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations!!!!!!!! And I totally understand. :grouphug: We found out this week that #7 is due next summer. My mother will be horrid about it. My mil will be freaked out about it by not necessarily unkind, just not happy. My dad (I already told him) was Ok, but certainly not excited or happy. :: sigh :: So, I announced it on Facebook, here, and on my "mommy" board with all of my happiness and excitement and joy!! And I have gotten nothing but joy back! :D Tbh, I won't even be telling my mother at all. If/when she finds out, whatever. Dh will tell mil while I hide and give her a chance to put on her happy face before she sees me. I am super happy for you!!!!!! :D Enjoy every moment and to heck with the poo - pooers!! XO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walkermamaof4 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 WhenI found out I was expecting #5... then #6... I told them via email. They made it perfectly clear to us when we had #4 that we should be done. So by emailing the news, it gave them time to let it sink in and formulate a civil response instead of us having to hear their knee-jerk responses. Also, I sent the email with a cute little poem (which expressly brought up the point about how people won't be happy, but that we're thrilled) to announce the news, so it wasn't just a "hey everyone, we're having a baby" email. When we adopted our #4 from Korea, we felt sure the reaction would be the same by all but 1. We told her well in advance. Then I composed a poem that portrayed our hearts and we emailed it so all heard at once. Everyone was kind to us directly. So in my book that method worked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Boundaries: 1. Don't expect them to "get it" 2. Don't bother to explain it 3. Don't allow them to share their opinion 4. Prepare a pithy comment "This is our family choice. Congratulate us or be quiet." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations!!! I was worried when we told my parents. They reacted well and were happy; within a day my mom wanted to know who all she could tell. Maybe they will warm up to the idea in a few days/weeks. Be happy and excited when you see them. No matter how much they disagree.....when they see their grandbaby, they will fall in love! When do you think you are due? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Thank you everyone! It's so nice to get a warm response to happy news! I like the idea of emailing the news with a poem. I might go that route with my side and let my husband talk to his parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations!!! I was worried when we told my parents. They reacted well and were happy; within a day my mom wanted to know who all she could tell. Maybe they will warm up to the idea in a few days/weeks. Be happy and excited when you see them. No matter how much they disagree.....when they see their grandbaby, they will fall in love! When do you think you are due? I hope this is what happens here too. My guess is the end of July, but I was having 6 week cycles so I'm not certain on the date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
golfcartmama Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 On the baby--What a blessing! Congratulations!!! On the problem--:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations!!! Echoing what a PP mentioned, I have come to think their negativity is a manifestation of their concern and worry for you b/c they see it as hard and tiring. These are the people whose children are already grown, so to them it is exhausting to see babyhood over and over (and over). My parents have said many times to me, "that's enough" and similar things, so I know they'd be not thrilled if I ever had another one; however, they'd still be supportive. I hope you have good outcomes.. don't expect much from anyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 After all these years we decided we are not telling dh's parents until the end. We live a ways from them so this could potentially work. We are so sick of their past negative responses after every announcement that we decided this time to just not tell them at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Heck, when I was pregnant with our little angel, my dad said 'if that's what you want, then I'm happy for you. This would have been his FIRST grandchild (since I was his only child). Later, I miscarried. And he died before his beautiful granddaughters arrived. :p Just to say, some people are NEVER happy with the way you live your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 (edited) Tell us, we'll get excited for you! :party: Don't bother with them. Yes, you have to tell them, it's not like you can hide it, but they don't get a say. I remained 'blissfully unaware' of what everyone was saying. ;) Not really, but you know what? Pffft on them. Edited December 2, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 My daughter's aunt hand delivered a letter to us and left. We opened it and it said that while they were thrilled about the four children they had, they have felt that someone was missing from their life. They went on to say that they were thrilled that the missing person would be arriving in "X" (insert month). The girls were thrilled to be getting a new baby family member to finish out their family. It was so well put that even those who would have made comments weren't able to make them because of the phrasing. By the way, my youngest niece and her younger brother are almost 6 years apart and are very close. Enjoy your new family addition. If people don't like it, too bad. You can't wait to meet your new little human!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dina in Oklahoma Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 :hurray::party::party::party::party: Congratulations!!!:hurray: . . . and don't worry about the grandparents; enjoy this precious child!!!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I saw this quote today and it's been in the front of my mind all day. God has given us the privilege of prayer so we won’t worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Tell us! Congratulations! I got really fed up at a similar situation lately and said "The proper response is 'congratulations'." :glare: The person apologized and congratulated me. Of course that still irked me but hopefully they won't be so rude to the next person. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Yes. This. Exactly. And... :party: CONGRATULATIONS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 congratulations. You don't have to announce anything until just before it becomes obvious. (and actually, not even then.) you tell them as you would anyone else. With a bright and cheery "we are expecting another baby __. We are so thrilled, and know you will be thrilled for us too." said with a bright and FIRM smile and confident eyes. (yes, it's throwing a gauntlet down daring them to not be thrilled, at least to your face when you announce it.) You can't make them be happy for you. you CAN shame them if they make inappropriate remarks to you. (why would you ask such a thing? how could you say such a thing? how could you say that about a tiny baby? - doesn't really matter what their comments are, those questions are pretty useful.) My grandmother was the one making inappropriate comments, and since they started before dh and I were even married, well, I hadn't had a good opinion of her since I was 13 so I didn't much care about her opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations! It does not matter what others think. God obviously agrees with this statement (or you would not be pregnant) and who could argue with Him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketgirl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congratulations!! And the least worry of yours should be what will people think, although I know we do that. Share your joy with those you know will be happy with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 How do you share joy in your life when you know others won't look at it in the same light? I do have to tell them at some point. Well, when I was pregnant with my first child, I knew my parents wouldn't be thrilled, as I hadn't graduated from college yet. When my hubs and I told my dad, the shock and dismay instantly registered on his face. I just threw myself onto his lap, grabbed the lapel of his shirt, and said, "Act happy for me. RIGHT. NOW!" :lol::lol::lol: He's come around by now. :D This is the grandparent who now comes to help out in our homeschool several times a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Congrats! Tell them by email or snail mail. Nobody needs to hear their Debbie Downer responses at such a joyous time! Congrats again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 :iagree: Congratulations!! (I know friends who have just simply not told the grandparents until very close to the birth, because they knew they'd be negative. Really, though, the people who are negative are the ones who lose. A baby is something to celebrate!) That's what I did....I just let them figure it out. I wasn't asking for help or money....just a smile. After their reaction to # 4&5, I just didn't say anything until it was obvious. When I was asked why I did't tell them....I told them the truth...that it was good news and I didn't want any negativity. Congratulations!! This is wonderful news!! Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 CONGRATULATIONS!!! No advice. My MIL (for all her faults) was always excited with each pregnancy announcement. My mom has certain ideas & makes comments about how if I just had 2 kids they could be in school and I could work. Not my plan so I ignore that even though it does hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Tell us! Congratulations! I got really fed up at a similar situation lately and said "The proper response is 'congratulations'." :glare: The person apologized and congratulated me. Of course that still irked me but hopefully they won't be so rude to the next person. Yup -- Congrats!:):) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 This is joyful news. This is JOYFUL news. Congratulations!! :iagree: More congratulations! I, too, have relatives who are negative about babies. When I was pregnant with #3, 4 and 5 my father told me flat out each time that I should get an abortion. Lovely.:glare: I just ignored him and his attitude. I am blessed to have a church family filled with wonderful friends who were happy and thrilled with my news so I tuned out my family's responses and basked in my church family's responses instead. You don't have much control over how people react but you can choose how to react to them. I know you already know that but, for me anyway, it helps to restate that in my mind and just let the negative responses fall flat to the floor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I would phrase the announcement well, and deliver it via dh informing them to only share their congratulations and keep any negative comments or worries to themselves. Congratulations! I'm sure there are other families here who have more children than their extended family approves of. My husband and I found out today that we have our fourth child on the way. We are both thrilled. My guess at a due date will put the birth 5 years and 1 month from when my oldest was born. It's way too early to start telling family members. Just thinking about the expected responses is disappointing me. 1 grandparent will have nothing but nice things to say, but will immediately call people to say she's worried by it. 2 of them will be positive but express a fair amount of concern or call us crazy. And 1 will list at length all of the ways this doesn't line up with what he thinks is the wisest course of action. I understand their concern, but don't agree with it. We are fine financially, and we are very happy with our family and our life. I'm fairly certain about the responses because someone misinterpreted a comment on Facebook last month, and there was plenty of relief when I said I wasn't pregnant. How do you share joy in your life when you know others won't look at it in the same light? I do have to tell them at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieH Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm happy for you :) I also empathize, most of our family and even friends have been bugging us to "be done" since #3, and especially now that we have #4 and it was "finally" a boy. It's frustrating. I agree with whoever said don't let them steal your joy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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