Ottakee Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 A friend and I were discussing this the other day. Porn appeals mostly to men who are very visual. It can be very damaging to a relationship/marriage, etc. What though about "smut" books as one friend calls them? Those books with XXX rated scenes in them. Are they "porn" for women? Women are very emotional and verbal therefore tend to be drawn more towards these things. I can see though how that can also be very damaging to a relationship/marriage as those scenes (just like things in porn magazines/films) are NOT real life. They can give women a very false sense of what intimacy should be. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I actually don't think that smut books are the equivalent of porn for women as much as romance novels are. They give an unrealistic view of relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Well, there are a lot of different levels. The romance books I read tend to be rated R versus rated XXX. ;) I think they are pretty over the top. So, I would find it hard to believe that women could read them and think that is how things should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I'd need to read some before I'd say yes or no. :lol: I kid. :D I've never read "smut" books as you described...I don't read romance novels. probably the closest would have been the Outlander series and that is the only series of that type I've read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I actually don't think that smut books are the equivalent of porn for women as much as romance novels are. They give an unrealistic view of relationships. I thought she meant romance novels, not actual erotica? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I would say that erotica is for people who enjoy erotica, regardless of gender. Men and women enjoy sexually explicit material in its varied forms. I do not think that men are the only ones who are sexually stimulated visually. In college I read a book "The Female Quixote" about a young woman who had only read romance novels. It was very funny, in an 18th century sort of way. The sad part was that even though the book was written a long time ago, it didn't feel like it was outdated in its humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Well, before I reconciled myself to the Lord, I did read a few books like that. I would have to say that it's not the same as porn because there is no actual, flesh and blood person to equate it to. With video, you often have men favoring particular "actresses" and following their "work". With books, it's more of a "I wish my experiences with my DH could be like this." sort of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think you need to define your terms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Maybe I am talking more about romance books with very explicit scenes in them. I can see where it is different as there aren't flesh and blood people you are watching but we were thinking more along the lines of emotional stuff for women. Giving false ideas of what real love and romance and intimacy is like vs. the glorified version in the books. We also discussed how reading these before marriage can really set up a woman for thinking that that is what life will be like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenangelcat Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Just wanted to point out that the idea that men are more visual then women is a myth. I think porn is porn for women. I'm not sure what smut books are. Romance novels with steamy scenes are boring...lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimmy Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think they can be the same in their effects. Porn can make men dissatisfied with their wives, romance books can make women dissatisfied with their husbands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think they can be the same in their effects. Porn can make men dissatisfied with their wives, romance books can make women dissatisfied with their husbands. I think this is more what I was trying to get at---not that women aren't affected by porn or men by reading erotic material. Hard to explain over the internet but this was one of our discussions the other day as we were walking 4 miles in 35 degree weather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Just wanted to point out that the idea that men are more visual then women is a myth. I think porn is porn for women. I'm not sure what smut books are. Romance novels with steamy scenes are boring...lol. :iagree: as a visual woman I get somewhat frustrated by this myth. Porn is porn. Erotica is erotica. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think they can be the same in their effects. Porn can make men dissatisfied with their wives, romance books can make women dissatisfied with their husbands. :iagree: Some people are more susceptible to this kind of thing than others but I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elevee Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think both romance novels and erotica are actually the opposite of porn. even though they are explicit, most "women's" books emphasize the emotional and relational component of sex. They tend to celebrate the individual (romanticised but clearly still human) hero. Most "men's" porn is specifically non-relational, non-emotional. The very last thing a man looking for porn wants is a real live woman with thoughts and memory preferences and a day behind her that she's still thinking about. He is looking for a body to project his own fantasies on to. There is plenty of writing out there observing how the young men that have been reared on internet porn are terminally self centered and incapable of actually acting as a generous lover to a woman. Reading harlequins may lead a woman to be dissatisfied with some part of her relationship, but it's probably not so much about his body, the size or shape of this or that. The things that typical women's erotic writing focuses on are good things that we all should want anyway ( a sensitive lover, a fulfilling relationship) To my mind "men's" porn is a whole different type of objectification,dehumanization and exploitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Yes, I think explicit romance novels are pretty much the same thing for women. They are a way to get sexual satisfaction from some form of media. They are like Penthouse Letters but with flowery euphemisms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think both romance novels and erotica are actually the opposite of porn. even though they are explicit, most "women's" books emphasize the emotional and relational component of sex. They tend to celebrate the individual (romanticised but clearly still human) hero. Most "men's" porn is specifically non-relational, non-emotional. The very last thing a man looking for porn wants is a real live woman with thoughts and memory preferences and a day behind her that she's still thinking about. He is looking for a body to project his own fantasies on to. There is plenty of writing out there observing how the young men that have been reared on internet porn are terminally self centered and incapable of actually acting as a generous lover to a woman. Reading harlequins may lead a woman to be dissatisfied with some part of her relationship, but it's probably not so much about his body, the size or shape of this or that. The things that typical women's erotic writing focuses on are good things that we all should want anyway ( a sensitive lover, a fulfilling relationship) To my mind "men's" porn is a whole different type of objectification,dehumanization and exploitation. I agree that there is a fundamental difference between the two, in what you just described. I can see how both can be damaging for a relationship. Obviously, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship and the couple's stance (preferably shared) towards the use of erotica and pornography. But we seem to be alike in that we still see something fundamentally more problematic with typical "men's" pornography. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) I agree that there is a fundamental difference between the two, in what you just described. I can see how both can be damaging for a relationship. Obviously, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship and the couple's stance (preferably shared) towards the use of erotica and pornography. But we seem to be alike in that we still see something fundamentally more problematic with typical "men's" pornography. :iagree: The issues of the real people (abuse, STD's etc....) involved in acting in the P*rn industry are skipped in the written works. I think that romance novels can lead to unrealistic expectations. But so can Good Housekeeping and blogs by uber-homeschoolers. :) ETA: I used "romance" to really stand for any of the written genres talked about here. I've seen arguments against Christian romance, for the exact same reasons (promoting idealistic and unrealistic expectations of relationships.) Edited November 6, 2011 by snickelfritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think adult movies and novels with explicit scenes are what you make of them. Watching adult movies doesn't necessarily mean you don't value women (or men), or that you will have unrealistic expectation of a spouse, etc. Sometimes it's just make believe. Just because I watch The Bourne Identity doesn't mean I feel disappointed that my husband isn't an international spy. Watching an adult film doesn't mean I really wish I could be part of a foursome. KWIM? I understand that there are people for whom watching (and reading) that material can be addictive. Those are people (generally), IMO, who probably have a tendency towards some kind of addictive behavior, be it adult movies, gambling, drinking, hording or whatever. I also understand that some people choose to avoid adult movies and explicit literature because of personal religious or other beliefs. However, I don't think watching adult movies or reading explicit literature automatically makes you a degenerate. What adults do with other adults (or alone) in their own homes (or other private location) is their business. You want to dance naked in the woods with your spouse? Go ahead. Watch adult movies alone or even with 8 of your close friends? Super. Not my thing, but I don't think you're a low life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lula Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Does this mean that by reading Austen I will want my husband to be more like Mr. Darcy and lead to unrealistic expectations in our relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Does this mean that by reading Austen I will want my husband to be more like Mr. Darcy and lead to unrealistic expectations in our relationship? Hm. My relationship might be easier if I did expect him to be like Mr. Darcy-aloof, unfriendly, rude to my family, etc. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think both romance novels and erotica are actually the opposite of porn. even though they are explicit, most "women's" books emphasize the emotional and relational component of sex. They tend to celebrate the individual (romanticised but clearly still human) hero. Most "men's" porn is specifically non-relational, non-emotional. The very last thing a man looking for porn wants is a real live woman with thoughts and memory preferences and a day behind her that she's still thinking about. He is looking for a body to project his own fantasies on to. There is plenty of writing out there observing how the young men that have been reared on internet porn are terminally self centered and incapable of actually acting as a generous lover to a woman. Reading harlequins may lead a woman to be dissatisfied with some part of her relationship, but it's probably not so much about his body, the size or shape of this or that. The things that typical women's erotic writing focuses on are good things that we all should want anyway ( a sensitive lover, a fulfilling relationship) To my mind "men's" porn is a whole different type of objectification,dehumanization and exploitation. :iagree: The issues of the real people (abuse, STD's etc....) involved in acting in the P*rn industry are skipped in the written works. I think that romance novels can lead to unrealistic expectations. But so can Good Housekeeping and blogs by uber-homeschoolers. :) ETA: I used "romance" to really stand for any of the written genres talked about here. I've seen arguments against Christian romance, for the exact same reasons (promoting idealistic and unrealistic expectations of relationships.) Does this mean that by reading Austen I will want my husband to be more like Mr. Darcy and lead to unrealistic expectations in our relationship? :iagree: Give people credit for being smarter than that. Yes, I think explicit romance novels are pretty much the same thing for women. They are a way to get sexual satisfaction from some form of media. They are like Penthouse Letters but with flowery euphemisms. There are no more euphemisms in romances. You really need to pick one up. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Does this mean that by reading Austen I will want my husband to be more like Mr. Darcy and lead to unrealistic expectations in our relationship? :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Does this mean that by reading Austen I will want my husband to be more like Mr. Darcy and lead to unrealistic expectations in our relationship? Only the Colin Firth Darcy. ;):lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think they can be the same in their effects. Porn can make men dissatisfied with their wives, romance books can make women dissatisfied with their husbands. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I don't think they are the same. For one thing, a woman reading a romance novel rarely needs to worry about getting the pages sticky. :tongue_smilie: I suspect they are almost opposite in effect -- porn may make a man dissatisfied with his wife, feeling she doesn't live up to some genetic celebrity image or do X,Y or Z. I think women who read romance/erotic novels are getting some of their emotional needs met which transfers to the husband (its like he gets credit for the actions of the hero, rather than he is being compared unfavorably). Both can have negative effects since this can act like a bandaid on an emotionally distant relationship, since the woman may read books rather than expect or ask for more depth in their irl relationship. Personally, I don't have the time or interest in either, but it's a fun topic. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think they are exactly the same thing as porn. Just as some men become obsessed with the fantasy images presented in visual porn, some women become obsessed with the fantasy relationships presented in much "romance" fiction for women. Both can be damaging to real life relationships. That said, I do not think that all men are harmed by looking at porn, nor are all women harmed by reading smutty romance novels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Only the Colin Firth Darcy. ;):lol::lol: I feel a kilt picture sequence coming on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I am not a fan of the erotica in romance novels. As matter of fact, I skip over those parts in "The Outlander" books which are the only romance novels I read. I almost feel like I'm a man claiming to look at Playboys only to read the articles. :lol: But it's true. On the other hand, my mother reads Harlequin romances like a druggie popping pills and it sort of bothers me even though it isn't any of my business. She's such a straight laced woman, highly intelligent, and a pillar of the community and even the director of her county's library system with access to thousands of books daily. So every time I see her curled up on the couch with one of these I have to wonder why. What is the attraction of reading those over all the other wonderful and mind filling books out there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I am not a fan of the erotica in romance novels. As matter of fact, I skip over those parts in "The Outlander" books which are the only romance novels I read. I almost feel like I'm a man claiming to look at Playboys only to read the articles. :lol: But it's true. On the other hand, my mother reads Harlequin romances like a druggie popping pills and it sort of bothers me even though it isn't any of my business. She's such a straight laced woman, highly intelligent, and a pillar of the community and even the director of her county's library system with access to thousands of books daily. So every time I see her curled up on the couch with one of these I have to wonder why. What is the attraction of reading those over all the other wonderful and mind filling books out there? Maybe she spends enough time using her brain that it's nice to pop some candy in sometimes? I know I've read books of that ilk in between writing my dissertation simply because of my brain constantly being fried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Maybe she spends enough time using her brain that it's nice to pop some candy in sometimes? I know I've read books of that ilk in between writing my dissertation simply because of my brain constantly being fried. You know, you may be absolutely right. I hadn't even thought of it in that way. Yet another reason why I love having access to all the beautiful minds found here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) I am not a fan of the erotica in romance novels. As matter of fact, I skip over those parts in "The Outlander" books which are the only romance novels I read. I almost feel like I'm a man claiming to look at Playboys only to read the articles. :lol: But it's true. On the other hand, my mother reads Harlequin romances like a druggie popping pills and it sort of bothers me even though it isn't any of my business. She's such a straight laced woman, highly intelligent, and a pillar of the community and even the director of her county's library system with access to thousands of books daily. So every time I see her curled up on the couch with one of these I have to wonder why. What is the attraction of reading those over all the other wonderful and mind filling books out there? One does not have to think when reading mind candy. I've been reading romance novels for 30 years. Depending on author, things seem to be cycling away from such intense erotic scenes. When I started reading them (Harlequin and the like) they had euphemisms but one knew what was going on. Then for a while they all seemed to be much more explicit with their love scenes. Now I'm seeing a turn away from so much explicitness. (Maybe it is my tastes in authors?) The books seem to have better plots and the love/sex scenes are gratuitous. Kind of like the author(s) said, "Well, I've finished 3/4 of this manuscript and these two haven't done the dirty yet. I better put that chapter in soon so I can get on with the rest of the plot." I'm hoping this is because readers have been asking for better. Or maybe because the authors are growing in their work, but the publishers demand at least one sex scene. Oh, and no. Personally I don't see them as porn for women. Especially if the women are (and a great many do) skipping those pages. I see them as light reading. Mind candy if you will. One does not always have the time or inclination to always read the classics or technical manuals. Edited November 6, 2011 by Parrothead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I am still not sure what we are discussing here. I think different types of novels serve very different purposes. Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Many romance novels today also contain social commentary, humor and a good plotline. They don't all contain explicit material. Now, if we are talking about bodice rippers, like Kathleen Woodiwiss, I don't think those serve as erotica. I think they are more similar to novels like Dracula. Dracula is a novel about sexual repression and not taking responsibility for your own sexuality. Those books serve an entirely different function than those that are more similar to Austen. I could see the argument that novels that have more erotica could be compared to p*rn, but I still don't agree. There is no *actual person* that they are connecting with. It is a fantasy and they know it. P*rn features very young women usually with manufactured bodies and real women are *expected* to compete with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I agree with those that say it is NOT the same. No real people are involved. And honestly, for those that say it leads to unrealistic expectations, well....I suppose if after reading them I expected to have a 50000 acre ranch with 2.5 kids and a million dollars that i just discovered, yes, that is unrealistic. But expecting to have a man that is emotionally invested in you, but makes mistakes, well, that seems realistic enough. When I was married to my ex I thought the relationships were horribly unrealistic, but after meeting and marrying the love of my life I have found them to be pretty close to my own life, as far as relationships go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Just adding my worthless 2 cents worth here: A relative makes fun of women who read such books and has terrible opinions about romance novels. However, she goes through explicit murder novels like crazy. Now these books are too graphic for my taste, and many of them are on the best seller lists. However, I do not make fun of people who read any type of novel as they are enjoying the books. Now if a person reads those crime novels, does that mean he/she wants to be a serial killer? In other words, you could extend the question about romance novels to any other genre of fiction. As for myself, I have no time to read anything, not even Good Housekeeping or homeschooling blogs. I find reading something you enjoy is relaxing. So if you enjoy romance novels or crime novels or blogs, enjoy them and don't analyze them too deeply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Yes, if you mean romance novels, then I believe they are the equivalent for women.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I am still not sure what we are discussing here. I think different types of novels serve very different purposes. Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Many romance novels today also contain social commentary, humor and a good plotline. They don't all contain explicit material. Now, if we are talking about bodice rippers, like Kathleen Woodiwiss, I don't think those serve as erotica. I think they are more similar to novels like Dracula. Dracula is a novel about sexual repression and not taking responsibility for your own sexuality. Those books serve an entirely different function than those that are more similar to Austen. I could see the argument that novels that have more erotica could be compared to p*rn, but I still don't agree. There is no *actual person* that they are connecting with. It is a fantasy and they know it. P*rn features very young women usually with manufactured bodies and real women are *expected* to compete with that. :iagree: I love Jilly Cooper's novels and not once have I wanted my husband to be like any of her heroes. It's a mindless entertainment. Period. I personally find comfort in familiar stories and characters in a crisis or when I'm sick. I sure don't find them titillating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Yes, I think those books are p*rn. However, I don't think that p*rn equates to causing damage in a relationship. I think if a woman reads such books and expects real life to be like the relationships in those books, then she has bigger problems. A mature adult should know the difference between fiction and reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) I am still not sure what we are discussing here. I think different types of novels serve very different purposes. Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Many romance novels today also contain social commentary, humor and a good plotline. They don't all contain explicit material. Bingo! Depending on the publishing line and author, you can find anything from "sweet" to "steamy" and everything in between. Lumping all romance novels together is like lumping the bra models in the Sears catalog together with the Playboy models and calling them all p**n stars. Also, the terms romance and erotica are NOT interchangeable. In genre romance novels the hero/heroine connect on an emotional level that is equally (if not more) important than the physical attraction. Erotica is all about the sex, and there may or may not be any real emotional commitment or relationship. You can't have a romance novel without a deep emotional connection between the hero and heroine, but you can have a romance without sex. You can't have an erotic novel without sex, but you can have one without any emotional connection or relationship. I hope that helps clear up some of the misconceptions. Just adding my worthless 2 cents worth here: A relative makes fun of women who read such books and has terrible opinions about romance novels. However, she goes through explicit murder novels like crazy. Now these books are too graphic for my taste, and many of them are on the best seller lists. However, I do not make fun of people who read any type of novel as they are enjoying the books. Now if a person reads those crime novels, does that mean he/she wants to be a serial killer? In other words, you could extend the question about romance novels to any other genre of fiction. As for myself, I have no time to read anything, not even Good Housekeeping or homeschooling blogs. I find reading something you enjoy is relaxing. So if you enjoy romance novels or crime novels or blogs, enjoy them and don't analyze them too deeply. :iagree: My husband reads serial killer thrillers like Cody McFadyen (sp?). This doesn't mean he's planning to go on a killing spree. He likes the emotional intensity and the suspense. Oddly enough, those are the same things I enjoy about romance novels. :) Edited November 6, 2011 by shinyhappypeople Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 A friend and I were discussing this the other day. Porn appeals mostly to men who are very visual. It can be very damaging to a relationship/marriage, etc. What though about "smut" books as one friend calls them? Those books with XXX rated scenes in them. Are they "porn" for women? Women are very emotional and verbal therefore tend to be drawn more towards these things. I can see though how that can also be very damaging to a relationship/marriage as those scenes (just like things in porn magazines/films) are NOT real life. They can give women a very false sense of what intimacy should be. What do you think? Getting back to the question in the OP... Yes, I think erotic novels are p**n, but not just for women. Men read them, too. Just don't assume the romance genre and erotica genre are interchangeable and we're good. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I tried reading a romance novel once and ended up alternately laughing and blushing. I don't have that much that "pulses and throbs" I guess. I do think it's pretty hypocritical to come down so hard on men for porn when a lot of women have a stack of these books somewhere in their house. No one reads that stuff because they can't wait to figure out the ending or the plot or the complicated character development... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Do you think there's an element of sexism at play in our culture? Romances, which are written to appeal to a woman's* desire for emotional connection is labeled as brainless, smutty and bad, but serial killer novels, which men find acceptable, are perceived as exciting, interesting and perfectly fine escapist reading. That thought just hit me as I was thinking about this. * Yes, I know not all women find that appealing. I'm generalizing here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Do you think there's an element of sexism at play in our culture? Romances, which are written to appeal to a woman's* desire for emotional connection is labeled as brainless, smutty and bad, but serial killer novels, which men find acceptable, are perceived as exciting, interesting and perfectly fine escapist reading. That thought just hit me as I was thinking about this. * Yes, I know not all women find that appealing. I'm generalizing here. The men I know don't spend much (if any) time reading nonfiction but I have more than one female friend who loves serial killer book stuff. And I really enjoyed The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo series. That was pretty darn graphic!! I don't think any of the men I know do like the serial killer stuff though. :confused: It fascinates my friends and I on the psycological level though. It fascinates us that humans can go so very wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 JMO but it depends. One person's smut is not necessarily so for another. But I think yes, they are basically the same. The are both serving the same purpose, to stimulate the mind s*xually. I do find it funny that it is acceptable for women to read steamy Fabio novels out in public, but if a man were looking at a girly mag, everyone would flip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 The men I know don't spend much (if any) time reading nonfiction but I have more than one female friend who loves serial killer book stuff. And I really enjoyed The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo series. That was pretty darn graphic!! I don't think any of the men I know do like the serial killer stuff though. :confused: It fascinates my friends and I on the psycological level though. It fascinates us that humans can go so very wrong. I'm not suggesting that women don't read and enjoy thrillers (I have). What strikes me is that the genre that is uniquely and specifically marketed to women is constantly slammed, but the genre that has a broader market (e.g. it's marketed to target men also) is seen as fine escapist reading. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I think one of the main differences is that the porn industry generally exploits the participants. No one is harmed in the making of a romance novel (not porn) or erotica (could be porn). That can't always be said for the participants in porn photos or videos. A better question may be whether reading romances or erotica is damaging to a relationship in the same way that porn may be damaging to a relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 It doesn't matter if it is real people or complete fantasy. There is computer generated porn,that doesn't use real people, but it is still porn. If the material (written or visual, or even auditory) is intended to sexually arouse, then I would consider it pornographic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 A better question may be whether reading romances or erotica is damaging to a relationship in the same way that porn may be damaging to a relationship. once again, this is closer to what I was thinking. It is hard to explain over the internet but this is along the lines of what I was thinking. Like the poster who said, why is it OK for women to read really steamy novels in public but not a man to read/look at his magazine in public? As to reading mindless books, I do enjoy that. My friends and I call them "no think" books as you just don't really even have to think about them. That said, there are many books out there that are "no think" but don't contain offensive material---even romance books--some are very erotic while others are not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I don't know that most men who look at porn from time to time think that they expect their wives or girl-friends to live up to that image. And lots probably think of it as an occasional mindless diversion to relax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I agree with those that say it is NOT the same. No real people are involved. And honestly, for those that say it leads to unrealistic expectations, well....I suppose if after reading them I expected to have a 50000 acre ranch with 2.5 kids and a million dollars that i just discovered, yes, that is unrealistic. But expecting to have a man that is emotionally invested in you, but makes mistakes, well, that seems realistic enough. When I was married to my ex I thought the relationships were horribly unrealistic, but after meeting and marrying the love of my life I have found them to be pretty close to my own life, as far as relationships go.:iagree: I could see the argument that novels that have more erotica could be compared to p*rn, but I still don't agree. There is no *actual person* that they are connecting with. It is a fantasy and they know it. P*rn features very young women usually with manufactured bodies and real women are *expected* to compete with that.Good point. I think one of the main differences is that the porn industry generally exploits the participants. No one is harmed in the making of a romance novel (not porn) or erotica (could be porn). That can't always be said for the participants in porn photos or videos. A better question may be whether reading romances or erotica is damaging to a relationship in the same way that porn may be damaging to a relationship. Yes, I think those books are p*rn. However, I don't think that p*rn equates to causing damage in a relationship. That is the question. Does your reading or viewing material damage your relationship with your spouse or God? Many times, I find a black and white label not very beneficial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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