DawnM Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I am not good with telling people IRL what they don't want to hear. I can sometimes scoot around the issue. Background: I wanted to get an item used. I posted that I was looking for said item on a local mom's board I am a part of. Person responded saying that she would give me said item for free if I agreed to have one of those home parties with wares she is selling. I agreed that if I could get said item I would have the party. Person then started posting on the message board about how she loved said item and wasn't sure she wanted to upgrade/buy new (as she had told me) and she was looking for opinions about upgrades being worth it. I told DH and he said, "Just go buy the item. She isn't going to give it to you." So, I bought it. I emailed her and told her I couldn't have the party and didn't need the item anymore. She responded with, "Oh, well, let's reschedule the party for January." Do I ignore that or just respond bluntly? I have NO intention of having this party. I hate home parties to attend, much less host. I was only doing it for said item. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenR Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I would just say something along the lines of "thanks again for your original offer to give me _______ but after thinking about it, I realized that my crazy schedule and full load of things going on wouldn't make me a good host for party. I appreciate your offer but really feel it would be better if I didn't have to add anything else to my plate. I hate spreading myself too thin and adding this on wouldn't be fair to you or me. Thanks anyway!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Under no condition would I feel obligated to have the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Very nice answer. I hope she doesn't ask me to "get back to her" and then hound me. I have had that happen and I guess I always expect it, which is part of my problem. I will try it though and hope for the best. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she hounds you, you can say "The party was only on the condition that I got xyz free. I've gotten the item elsewhere so I'm not going to do the party." I've found that if people don't get the more soft message that you have to really spell it out for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Respond bluntly. "I was only going to host the party because you were going to give me xyz. You had clear doubts about giving me xyz, so I bought it elsewhere. So I am not hosting this party for you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Simply tell her that she must have misunderstood but that you are not interested in having a party at all. Period. Repeat as neccesary, no additional excuses or explanations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'd be more straightforward. Telling her it's because of a busy schedule may just lead her to keep hounding you about whether your schedule is cleared up yet. I would just say "I'm sorry, I'm just really not interested in those types of parties and have no desire to host one." Period. Then just drop it. If SHE brings up about you promising to host one you will have to tell her, "Well, yes, but that was when we were making a deal regarding trading X for me hosting a party. As the deal did not go through and as I am not interested in these types of parties, I'm going to pass on hosting one." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Repeat as neccesary, no additional excuses or explanations. This. Be direct but gentle, and don't offer any excuses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 How about a polite and non-apologetic response: "No, thank you." Send any of her responses after that into the black hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 How about a polite and non-apologetic response: "No, thank you." Send any of her responses after that into the black hole. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she hounds you, you can say "The party was only on the condition that I got xyz free. I've gotten the item elsewhere so I'm not going to do the party." I've found that if people don't get the more soft message that you have to really spell it out for them. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she hounds you, you can say "The party was only on the condition that I got xyz free. I've gotten the item elsewhere so I'm not going to do the party." I've found that if people don't get the more soft message that you have to really spell it out for them. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'd be more straightforward. Telling her it's because of a busy schedule may just lead her to keep hounding you about whether your schedule is cleared up yet. I would just say "I'm sorry, I'm just really not interested in those types of parties and have no desire to host one." Period. Then just drop it. If SHE brings up about you promising to host one you will have to tell her, "Well, yes, but that was when we were making a deal regarding trading X for me hosting a party. As the deal did not go through and as I am not interested in these types of parties, I'm going to pass on hosting one." :iagree: Then if she continues to hound you, ignore it. If she STILL hounds you, tell her not to ask again. You've told her you don't want to host the party, please don't bother you anymore about it. I also hate those parties. I hate that I get invited to so many every single year.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Respond bluntly. "I was only going to host the party because you were going to give me xyz. You had clear doubts about giving me xyz, so I bought it elsewhere. So I am not hosting this party for you." :iagree: This is clear and straightforward . It explains why you said yes to the party and the "only" explains that it was the only reason. I would probably eliminate the last sentence or elaborate and say, "Since I agreed to host a party in a trade and not because I'm interested in the party or product, please take me off your list of potential hostesses." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Personally, I think she has a lot of nerve expecting you to hold up your end of a deal that fell through. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Personally, I think she has a lot of nerve expecting you to hold up your end of a deal that fell through. :confused: Classic MLM. I, personally, would ignore, and titter lightly and move along if she brings it up in person. The more you fight with the tar baby, the stickier you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Classic MLM. I, personally, would ignore, and titter lightly and move along if she brings it up in person. The more you fight with the tar baby, the stickier you get. Maybe I'm blanking out here, but what's MLM? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I would respond and tell her you won't be rescheduling in January or ever. She didn't want to part with the item you wanted that was part of the negotiation and you don't want to ever host the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 That is so extremely rude of her to put a condition on a 'free' item!!! I agree with telling her that since the agreement of 'hosting a party in exchange for the item' fell through, you've decided that you'll pass on hosting the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 That is so extremely rude of her to put a condition on a 'free' item!!! I agree with telling her that since the agreement of 'hosting a party in exchange for the item' fell through, you've decided that you'll pass on hosting the party. That was the other thought I had. If someone put free for an item and I responded than they had a condition. Well, that really isn't free in my book. I would have told her forget it. It sounds like she is using the free item as a way to book more parties. Tacky... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'd be more straightforward. Telling her it's because of a busy schedule may just lead her to keep hounding you about whether your schedule is cleared up yet. I would just say "I'm sorry, I'm just really not interested in those types of parties and have no desire to host one." Period. Then just drop it. If SHE brings up about you promising to host one you will have to tell her, "Well, yes, but that was when we were making a deal regarding trading X for me hosting a party. As the deal did not go through and as I am not interested in these types of parties, I'm going to pass on hosting one." :iagree: I like how Nance has worded it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueinNC Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Classic MLM. I, personally, would ignore, and titter lightly and move along if she brings it up in person. The more you fight with the tar baby, the stickier you get. :iagree: She is just playing you trying to keep the door open to increase her business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Be unequivocal. You can be kind, but let her know in no uncertain terms that you will not be having the party - that you are not interested in doing it. You will be doing yourself and her a favor. (I do a home party business (Usborne) and prefer it when people are honest instead of stringing me along - saves me time and energy. But, then again, I am not pushy like that;).) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Maybe I'm blanking out here, but what's MLM? :) Multi-level marketing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she hounds you, you can say "The party was only on the condition that I got xyz free. I've gotten the item elsewhere so I'm not going to do the party." I've found that if people don't get the more soft message that you have to really spell it out for them. :iagree:Say it this way. Those of us in direct sales are usually told by our up-person that we should respond exactly as she did...wording things with the assumption that we will just move the party rather than cancel it. This way we aren't losing altogether. If she hounds you, give it to her directly. (btw, I'm one of those that does take no as an answer...I don't like heavy handed pressure tactics. At the same time, I've never gotten far in direct sales) Direct Sales is not MLM, tyvm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Multi-level marketing. Ah yes. I hate to say it but people involved in these types of businesses can be very misleading to the point of outright deceptive. When I was in college I had someone contact me through another student for an "interview". I was a design student and he even went so far as to tell me he heard I was a good designer from this other student and wanted to talk to me. I even asked if I should bring a portfolio and he said "Oh not this time." He intentionally made it sound like it was a legitimate interview for design work. Turns out it was just a pitch for his multi-level marketing company and I was very annoyed. :glare: Anyway, didn't mean to hijack, but just thought of that and was annoyed all over again. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 :iagree:Say it this way. Those of us in direct sales are usually told by our up-person that we should respond exactly as she did...wording things with the assumption that we will just move the party rather than cancel it. This way we aren't losing altogether. If she hounds you, give it to her directly. (btw, I'm one of those that does take no as an answer...I don't like heavy handed pressure tactics. At the same time, I've never gotten far in direct sales) Direct Sales is not MLM, tyvm. I do understand there is a difference between the two but it does seem like sometimes the lines can blur. For instance, when a friend of mine got involved in Mary Kay, not only did she start pressuring me to put on parties, but she very much wanted me to be a consultant as well. She would benefit from signing up consultants and from her consultants signing up more people. She's now involved in PartyLite and I've avoided conversations with her about it as much as possible, but I've gotten some pressure from her to sign up with them as well until I told her in no uncertain terms that I had no time and no interest whatsoever in being involved. So it does seem like these types of companies that have you doing home parties bare some resemblance to the MLM type of company, though I think that's more up to the individual person how much they try to sign up other people under them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I would have no problems being blunt in that situation. "Actually, the only reason why I was going to attend the party was to get the free item, as a part of the deal. I am not interested in the party per se." End of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 This. Be direct but gentle, and don't offer any excuses. :iagree: Multi-level marketing. Thanks for the explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 That is so extremely rude of her to put a condition on a 'free' item!!! I agree with telling her that since the agreement of 'hosting a party in exchange for the item' fell through, you've decided that you'll pass on hosting the party. :iagree:And that means the item was never free to begin with. It had a price, just not a monetary price. Be polite, but direct and honest. Make it clear you are not interested or willing to host a party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 My opinion: The item wasn't free. You were obligated to hold a party, which in itself can be a great expense - in time and money. You may have purchased items for refreshments or felt obligated to purchase items from the company. About the part in January, there is no need to explain yourself, especially if you feel uncomfortable with the "confrontation". Simply say, "Thank you for asking; however, I am not interested in having a party. Should I change my mind in the future, I will contact you and let you know." To me this is polite without feeling as if you need to explain or give her the opportunity to argue it. Also, you are informing her that she need not ask you again as you will contact her yourself. Should she continue to push, just say, "Thank you again for asking, but I will let you know in the future if I am interested." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slone07 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Polite but very firm no thank you. I might go as far as to explain that I was only doing the party in exchange for the free product and please do not contact me in the future, but beyond that, I wouldn't engage her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Ah yes. I hate to say it but people involved in these types of businesses can be very misleading to the point of outright deceptive. When I was in college I had someone contact me through another student for an "interview". I was a design student and he even went so far as to tell me he heard I was a good designer from this other student and wanted to talk to me. I even asked if I should bring a portfolio and he said "Oh not this time." He intentionally made it sound like it was a legitimate interview for design work. Turns out it was just a pitch for his multi-level marketing company and I was very annoyed. :glare: Anyway, didn't mean to hijack, but just thought of that and was annoyed all over again. :) I would have been annoyed, too. I hate it when people are deceptive like that. :smash: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Simply tell her that she must have misunderstood but that you are not interested in having a party at all. Period. Repeat as neccesary, no additional excuses or explanations. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 If she hounds you, you can say "The party was only on the condition that I got xyz free. I've gotten the item elsewhere so I'm not going to do the party." I've found that if people don't get the more soft message that you have to really spell it out for them. This. I see no reason to hem and haw about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I do understand there is a difference between the two but it does seem like sometimes the lines can blur. For instance, when a friend of mine got involved in Mary Kay, not only did she start pressuring me to put on parties, but she very much wanted me to be a consultant as well. She would benefit from signing up consultants and from her consultants signing up more people. She's now involved in PartyLite and I've avoided conversations with her about it as much as possible, but I've gotten some pressure from her to sign up with them as well until I told her in no uncertain terms that I had no time and no interest whatsoever in being involved. So it does seem like these types of companies that have you doing home parties bare some resemblance to the MLM type of company, though I think that's more up to the individual person how much they try to sign up other people under them. Agreed. And that's usually when one is trying to "climb" rather than just sell with options for others to sign up. I'm the latter type of person. I'm not interested in signing everyone and their mother up, not that I mind having anyone signed up under me, just that that is not my priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 : "Since I agreed to host a party in a trade and not because I'm interested in the party or product, please take me off your list of potential hostesses." :iagree: This. Direct and to the point, and not rude at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Best not to engage any further with these types of folks. Once the foot is in the door.... Simply ignore and send that email into the black hole now! AM sure she is used to failing to hear 'no' so don't beat yourself up over this and enjoy your new item! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Thank you all. I think in this situation I will need to be a bit blunt or at least direct. Many of you have outlined why I don't even like sales at all. I bought a LOT of Creative Memories last year trying to help a friend out. I haven't even used ANY of it and she keeps hounding me to come to more parties and events and buy more. Now, I like Creative Memories, I just wish the albums would make themselves! :lol: I also like Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay and some other products. But I almost never go to parties or purchase retail priced items, and I certainly have NO desire to sell anything. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 You do not need to feel obligated at all. Just politely say something like, "Thank you -- but, no. I don't think I'll be doing that at this time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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