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How would you feel if someone took your kids out to dinner...


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Where I live, and where I have worked, bartenders measure alcohol because it is their largest moneymaker. I also live in a place where a restaurant employee can be held liable if they serve someone too much to drink and then that person is in an accident.

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It would depend. If it was a normal sized person who had a glass of wine or a beer with dinner - probably wouldn't bother me assuming I knew and trusted the person otherwise.

If the person was a very small woman, where one drink might have a stronger affect (or someone I knew was like me, with no tolerance) it would bother me.

 

If the one drink was a strong mixed drink or a shot of some kind - not acceptable.

:iagree:

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My rule of thumb: If something is an issue, do what it takes to make it a non-issue. No alcohol. There, no issue.

 

There are too many variables to make a sound decision and if the driver is not an alcoholic, they should have no problem having a coke/tea/water with their meal. If it's that big of a deal then maybe they need to look at their drinking and why they need to have that drink with dinner.

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I would have a serious issue with it.

 

Dh has a beer once in awhile. I almost never drink with the kids around (and I'm talking one drink, not getting drunk). Neither of us would drive anywhere with the kids after drinking anything. We also won't have them in the car if we are overtired while driving, the weather is really stormy, etc etc.

 

Because WE don't, we expect the same from others who are taking care of them.

 

I admit that we are hyper conscious of alcohol, though. Too many alcoholics in my extended family.

 

Serious question for anyone who would have a problem with it. Would you ask the people taking your kids out if the planned on having a drink with dinner, or should they ask you if it is alright?

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That's a good point, but if I told my kids not to get in the car with somebody who was drinking, I'd more be thinking of peers. When my kids are teens, I will NOT when they driving with a peer who's had even one drink. For one thing, it's illegal, since teens aren't allowed to drink at all. For another, teens are already at a much higher risk while driving and likely have lower alcohol tolerance, so there's a much greater chance of even one drink affecting their driving.

 

But, I would at the same time want them to be respectful of adults and of cultural differences. If they were at a dinner where the adults had a glass of wine with dinner, I would want them to not have a scene about one of those adults driving them home. I'd certainly be okay with them having a scene if one of the adults had several drinks or was obviously drunk, but even though we don't drink regularly here (we'll have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner once or twice a month, at most), I think they should understand that it is common in many cultures and not something to get upset about.

 

 

I find this entire thread interesting. We take extra kids with us many places and we behave with them the same way we do when we are with our kids. I think for some of the kids they get more rules when they are with us, but I wouldn't want kids with me that I had to censure myself to be around. When we go camping, people in our group drink beer, and when we take kids out to dinner I might have a glass of wine, when we go to a football game or race we certainly have a beer. If a child didn't want to ride with us or their parents had a problem it would be better to know beforehand, but I wouldn't be embarrassed if I needed to call their parents but I would ask them to hurry up and get their kids so that we could get on with our lives. I also wouldn't invite them out again. I believe at that point it would be a mutual decision.

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Right. So there is nothing in the OP's original post to indicate the type of drink or that it's definitely equal to one beer or one standard glass of wine. We also have later information to indicate that it may not even have been one glass.

 

to me one drink = 1 glass of wine, 1 beer or cooler, or 1.5 oz (or shot) of alcohol. That is the standard.

 

It is not ONE drink if it is a mixed drink with more than one shot of alcohol. But I would not order this to "enjoy" with dinner. It would require a driver.

 

It's not an exact science but it isn't that difficult to be responsible.

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I would say that (as has been said before, but I don't wanna go back and look), if you are very firm on the 'not a drop to drink if you're driving', it might be wise to inform friends if they aren't aware of this.

 

This would prevent ugliness and unhappiness all around.

 

I wouldn't even think twice about a drink normally, but if someone said 'By the way, we've always taught Jenny that if someone has even one drink, not to get in the car with them, so we'd appreciate if you'd help us with this.' my response would be 'Oh absolutely! Of course!' and I'd order a soda.

 

Similarly, if friends are more strict on certain movies/books/TV shows than I am, I would appreciate knowing in advance. I don't have a problem not showing Harry Potter if someone wouldn't watch it at home, but it normally wouldn't occur to me.

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If the driver were in some type of "official" capacity (scout leader, chaperone for a school field trip, church youth leader, etc.) when this occurred, I would not be happy. (By this I mean that the dinner and driving was part of an official event, not that the individual happens to be a scout leader...)

 

If a family asked my child to go to a dinner at a restaurant, I would expect the family to follow their normal, customary family routines. If I were adamant that my child was not to ride in a car with anyone who had a glass of wine with dinner, I would see it as my responsibility to make them aware of that rule for my children. I would expect the driver to obey driving laws; if I have my own rule, it would be my responsibilty to see if the driver adhered to that. I would not expect the driver to have the same rules that I had, unless I had been explicitly told by the driver.

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I would say that (as has been said before, but I don't wanna go back and look), if you are very firm on the 'not a drop to drink if you're driving', it might be wise to inform friends if they aren't aware of this.

 

This would prevent ugliness and unhappiness all around.

 

I wouldn't even think twice about a drink normally, but if someone said 'By the way, we've always taught Jenny that if someone has even one drink, not to get in the car with them, so we'd appreciate if you'd help us with this.' my response would be 'Oh absolutely! Of course!' and I'd order a soda.

 

Similarly, if friends are more strict on certain movies/books/TV shows than I am, I would appreciate knowing in advance. I don't have a problem not showing Harry Potter if someone wouldn't watch it at home, but it normally wouldn't occur to me.

 

 

Totally agree, but if a child decided they needed to call their parent after I had a glass of wine at dinner, I would feel completely different. Especially if the parents came to get them and had an attitude.

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If the driver were in some type of "official" capacity (scout leader, chaperone for a school field trip, church youth leader, etc.) when this occurred, I would not be happy. (By this I mean that the dinner and driving was part of an official event, not that the individual happens to be a scout leader...)

 

If a family asked my child to go to a dinner at a restaurant, I would expect the family to follow their normal, customary family routines. If I were adamant that my child was not to ride in a car with anyone who had a glass of wine with dinner, I would see it as my responsibility to make them aware of that rule for my children. I would expect the driver to obey driving laws; if I have my own rule, it would be my responsibilty to see if the driver adhered to that. I would not expect the driver to have the same rules that I had, unless I had been explicitly told by the driver.

 

:iagree:

 

Personally, if I invited someone's child out to dinner and the child's parents started telling me what I can and can not order for my dinner, I know it would be the last time I'd be paying for that child's dinner out. Sort of in the "No good deed goes unpunished" category.

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Answering the original question of ONE drink: I would not think twice about it, and it would not bother me at all. I would also think nothing of having a single drink with dinner if I had other people's kids with me.

 

If a kid told me they couldn't get in the car with me, I would probably call the parents and ask if they wanted me to wait a bit longer, or if they preferred to pick the kid up. No hard feelings either way, but if one drink with dinner truly bothered them, I'd probably not invite them again. Not because I'm a raging alcoholic who MUST drink with dinner, *g*, in fact I rarely do, but because I am quite, quite likely to forget. Also, as someone else said, I really want a cold beer with my pizza :D

 

I don't think most people would think a single drink is an issue, so I think it's up to the parents who are concerned to clarify that. Unless you are all in a religion that prohibits drinking, I would never assume that an adult wouldn't have a single drink with dinner.

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From an "impairment" point of view, I don't believe one drink would be a problem. That said we took two of dd's friends out to dinner recently. Although I wouldn't have asked dh not to have a beer, I was glad that he chose not to. I had decided to drive the girls home beforehand, just in case dh did decide to have a drink. On the off chance that we had even a minor accident, I would not want the driver to have any alcohol in his or her system.

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no it doesn't. At All. One shared bottle means 1.5 glasses of wine each.

 

:iagree: But, I can see how non-drinkers may not know that.

 

It is not that I *must* have wine for dinner, it just would not occur to me to change my normal behavior when there is nothing wrong with that behavior.

 

I would be *shocked* if someone made a big scene over it.

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I don't understand the concept of "examining one's need to drink" if you choose to have wine or a beer with a meal. Enjoying a correctly paired glass of wine or beer can really enhance a main course, brining out the flavor in a way that water or soda will not.

 

It's not about "needing" a drink...it's about enjoying the whole dining experience.

 

I would have no problem with a friend I trusted driving my children after having one drink, and I would expect to do the same in return. That being said, I can't imagine taking someone else's children out to a restaurant where I be having that kind of dining experience...we hardly ever go anywhere nice enough to want to complement our meal with a drink with our own children, much less someone else's!

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Wouldn't bother me at all. I'm personally not much of a drinker- just don't care for the taste of alcohol for the most part- but if we're going out to eat chances are quite high that my dh is going to order a beer. If we eat dinner at home there's a good chance that he's going to have a beer with dinner or after dinner several nights a week as well.

 

I can't imagine any of the parents of our children's friends really caring either. If someone were to throw a big stink fit over one drink and not allow their children to go out with us anymore, eh, their loss. I don't have time for high-maintenance, fussy people in my life.

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I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would be tipsy at bill paying time if they've had a glass of wine with dinner. Even if it was their first glass of wine EVER. With a meal? please.

 

Yeah, this would be me. I actually had a much better tolerance for alcohol when I was younger. For some reason, after my last two pregnancies (and the long length of time I didn't drink due to pregnant and/or nursing) my tolerance is way down. My asthma also became worse during this time period and I think it's the medications I now take that is the problem. Of course, I am aware of this and would not drive after even one drink because of it. I do not expect most other people react the same way.

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if you are very firm on the 'not a drop to drink if you're driving', it might be wise to inform friends if they aren't aware of this.

 

 

Good point. I got to thinking about it, and really, anyone that we know well enough to let dd go somewhere with knows US well enough to know and abide by our family's rules on alcohol, tobacco products, violent movies, etc... so this would probably never even be an issue. And even if dd *were* to have to call us to come get her somewhere, I would never, ever be upset or freak out about it. Rather, I'd be proud that she was confident enough to speak up for herself, and thank the adult involved for understanding and respecting my daughter's (and my) wishes.

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I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would be tipsy at bill paying time if they've had a glass of wine with dinner. Even if it was their first glass of wine EVER. With a meal? please

 

That would be me. And that's why I wouldn't be drinking even half a glass, if I was the designated driver.

 

I assume that a generally trusted friend who drank a glass of wine with dinner and then drove my kids, did NOT have the same sensitivity to alcohol.

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A drink? As in one? Wouldn't think twice about it.

 

:iagree: No big deal at all. We drink regularly (in moderation). I guess if I didn't drink, it might freak me out. But since it's a normal part of our lives (and either one of us can drive after one drink without any problem), it doesn't bother me at all.

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That would be me. And that's why I wouldn't be drinking even half a glass, if I was the designated driver.

 

I assume that a generally trusted friend who drank a glass of wine with dinner and then drove my kids, did NOT have the same sensitivity to alcohol.

 

while I've never known anyone with that type of sensitivity, if someone knew it was an issue for them, they should NEVER drink and then drive under any circumstance. They should also never drink while in the presence of someone else's kids.

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no it doesn't. At All. One shared bottle means 1.5 glasses of wine each.

 

Denise, I like the way you think ;).

 

However, a bottle of wine equals 750 ml, which is roughly 25 oz, which equates to about 2 1/2 glasses per person if 2 people are sharing. Given (our) state law, an individual can drink one glass per hour (not at a meal), and still be able to drive safely.

 

Experience, body type, tolerance, and stomach content all play a part in the final equation, though.

 

For the record, I would not take a bunch of kids out for dinner and share a bottle of wine with dh; I would do this if it were just dh and I, and I knew we were having several courses and dinner would take at least an hour and a half and we could enjoy the food and drink...something that, in my experience, hasn't included children in the past. I can't imagine needing to call a taxi over sharing a bottle of wine, given that scenario (and I wouldn't be toting anyone's kids along for that dinner).

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Denise, I like the way you think ;).

 

However, a bottle of wine equals 750 ml, which is roughly 25 oz, which equates to about 2 1/2 glasses per person if 2 people are sharing. Given (our) state law, an individual can drink one glass per hour (not at a meal), and still be able to drive safely.

 

Experience, body type, tolerance, and stomach content all play a part in the final equation, though.

 

For the record, I would not take a bunch of kids out for dinner and share a bottle of wine with dh; I would do this if it were just dh and I, and I knew we were having several courses and dinner would take at least an hour and a half and we could enjoy the food and drink...something that, in my experience, hasn't included children in the past. I can't imagine needing to call a taxi over sharing a bottle of wine given that scenario.

 

I agree with everything you wrote, but I want to say that I hate it when I pay $7.50+ for a GLASS of wine when out and only get 1/3 of a glass. ;) When dh and I share a bottle of wine (almost always at home!) it equals 1.5 glasses each. We just shared a bottle of wine today with our specialty cheese and crackers. We had the typical wine glass size and had one full glass of wine (about half an inch from the rim) and one half glass.

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I agree with everything you wrote, but I want to say that I hate it when I pay $7.50+ for a GLASS of wine when out and only get 1/3 of a glass. ;) When dh and I share a bottle of wine (almost always at home!) it equals 1.5 glasses each. We just shared a bottle of wine today with our specialty cheese and crackers. We had the typical wine glass size and had one full glass of wine (about half an inch from the rim) and one half glass.

 

I think you're filling your wine glasses higher than is standard (by wine snobs).

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I think you're filling your wine glasses higher than is standard (by wine snobs).

 

 

Snicker, snicker...wine snobs! :D Yep, dh and I, being hics :biggrinjester: once had his cousin and her husband over for dinner. Cousin's husband works for a vineyard. Since we were hosting, they brought the wine and then asked dh to serve. We don't know the first thing about "wine etiquette" and we were rather not of high income, to say the least therefore not in possession of anything remotely resembling a goblet, so I brought out the ice tea glasses given to me at our bridal shower, and dh FILLED THEM UP! I think the bottle only filled two of the glasses so he just handed them over to his cousin and her dh. Their first look was one of "deer caught in headlights" and the second look was definitely disdain. It's the one and only time I've ever seen someone pour wine back into the wine bottle through a plastic funnel! :lol:

 

Yeah, I know....off topic, but the wine snob comment brought back memories....

 

Faith

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Snicker, snicker...wine snobs! :D Yep, dh and I, being hics :biggrinjester: once had his cousin and her husband over for dinner. Cousin's husband works for a vineyard. Since we were hosting, they brought the wine and then asked dh to serve. We don't know the first thing about "wine etiquette" and we were rather not of high income, to say the least therefore not in possession of anything remotely resembling a goblet, so I brought out the ice tea glasses given to me at our bridal shower, and dh FILLED THEM UP! I think the bottle only filled two of the glasses so he just handed them over to his cousin and her dh. Their first look was one of "deer caught in headlights" and the second look was definitely disdain. It's the one and only time I've ever seen someone pour wine back into the wine bottle through a plastic funnel! :lol:

 

Yeah, I know....off topic, but the wine snob comment brought back memories....

 

Faith

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

now that I think of it, I think they fill the glasses half way, or less, so the wine can "breathe." I'm not a wine snob. I want a glass of wine, and if I pay $7.50+ for a glass of wine, I really want a GLASS of wine! Or milk, or soda, or what ever!

 

But I get what you all are saying.

 

 

 

I'm not a wine snob and dh and I get 1.5 glasses each out of a bottle of wine.;)

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It seems to me that when you are in charge of other people's kids, you act a little differently. For example, I will occasionally swear in front of my kids, but I wouldn't do it in front of your kids. If I did, you probably would be wondering why I couldn't control myself a little more while caring for your kids. Even if you yourself swear in front of your kids. Get my drift?

 

For the record, my parents drink alcohol and I have no problem with that. I still would not put my kids in their car after they had drinks (with or without a meal), nor would that offend them. Fine for them to drink at a meal (we go out with an auntie who regularly does that), but someone else needs to drive IMHO.

 

But you are equating something bad (swearing) with something beneficial. Not only is a routine part of some people's meal experience, it's a HEALTHY part of the meal experience, especially if it's wine and there is now research out saying beer has it's own benefits. But people who drink moderately whether one glass of wine or a bottle of beer or one cocktail at dinner, outlive both teetotalers and heavy drinkers. One could even say they are modeling healthy behavior in front of your kids. :001_smile:

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Denise and Faith, if it makes you feel any better, I once splurged and bought myself a bottle of ice wine.

 

Now, if you're not familiar, it comes in extremely small bottles, is very, very sweet...you'd go into a diabetic coma before you could ever get drunk off ice wine...and it would take several bottles.

 

I just stuck a straw in it. :D

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Denise and Faith, if it makes you feel any better, I once splurged and bought myself a bottle of ice wine.

 

Now, if you're not familiar, it comes in extremely small bottles, is very, very sweet...you'd go into a diabetic coma before you could ever get drunk off ice wine...and it would take several bottles.

 

I just stuck a straw in it. :D

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

Dh and I were just at the Cabot Creamery in VT yesterday. We had done a wine tasting earlier in the day, and we were questioning whether or not we wanted to try wines there. Why? Because we had never heard of ice wine.:DFunny you should mention that.:lol::lol::lol:

 

ETA: decided against the wine tasting but now I wish I had given that ice wine a try!

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:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

Dh and I were just at the Cabot Creamery in VT yesterday. We had done a wine tasting earlier in the day, and we were questioning whether or not we wanted to try wines there. Why? Because we had never heard of ice wine.:DFunny you should mention that.:lol::lol::lol:

 

ETA: decided against the wine tasting but now I wish I had given that ice wine a try!

Oh, its SO good!

 

I generally dislike wine. The smell alone makes me cringe, and then the taste simply fulfills the promise of the smell.

 

Ice wine is the one wine I'll drink. Its viciously expensive for what you get, so its a once a decade or so treat :lol:

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Oh, its SO good!

 

I generally dislike wine. The smell alone makes me cringe, and then the taste simply fulfills the promise of the smell.

 

Ice wine is the one wine I'll drink. Its viciously expensive for what you get, so its a once a decade or so treat :lol:

 

WHY is it so expensive? Wine tasting was $1 for regular wine (about .10 a glass);) and ice wine was $2. Dh and I looked at each other and both asked, simultaneously, "What is ice wine?"

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