Child who refuses to bathe

[mamapjama]

How do you handle this? Nothing I do will get him in the tub. Shower is not even a consideration. I put in bubbles, lots of tub only toys etc. There has never been anything tramatic, and once he is in, he usually stays for at least 1/2 hour. But to get him in is a miserable battle.

 

Anyone gone through this and find a solution?

[Ginevra]

How do you handle this? Nothing I do will get him in the tub. Shower is not even a consideration. I put in bubbles, lots of tub only toys etc. There has never been anything tramatic, and once he is in, he usually stays for at least 1/2 hour. But to get him in is a miserable battle.

 

Anyone gone through this and find a solution?

 

What is his age?

 

I did have a toddler who tantrumed over every bath and then trantrumed when it was time to get out. I just continued to bath him, cry though he may. When he was clean, I took him out and dried him, cry though he may. It was not a lot of fun, but eventually - and I mean, it lasted a good 6 months or more - he got with the program.

 

If you're talking about an older child, though, obviously that is a different matter.

[laundrycrisis]

I would prefill the tub, no bubbles, warm water...put thrashing kid in tub, wash all over with tear free shampoo, rinse, out and wrapped in a towel.

 

Just getting it done as quickly as possible and not participating in any discussions about it was what worked here.

[LidiyaDawn]

How old?

 

Can you make it like swim time? Googles, snorkel, flippers, the works? He might find that fun…

 

When dd14 was little, her favourite tub things were these soap crayons - you could "draw" on the walls, side of tub, yourself, etc… she also had this bright coloured foam soap that was great fun to spray everywhere. :D (It comes in a can and sprays out like whipped cream)

 

Ds12 used to love having the tub filled with little balls - those plastic ones that you'd find in a ball pit.. know the ones I mean?

[Celia]

The bath is the best place to eat ice cream cones and popsicles. So that might be a nice way to convince your child to hop on in.

 

My 2yr old sometimes doesn't want to, so I just wash him up quick, and don't respond to the resistance. All business. Generally if I let him help prepare the bath though, he's happy to go for it.

[phathui5]

Is it a regular part of your routine? Same time of day, happens in a similar order (Ex: dinner, playtime, cleanup, bath, stories)?

[mo2]

It really depends on how old the child is. And, is this a new behavior, or has he always resisted bathing?

[ChristusG]

My 4 year old cries everything I say the word bath or shower. She's not afraid...she just doesn't want to take one. Of course, she doesn't have a choice, so I just put her right in. I make it quick...literally about 5 minutes. She doesn't put up a physical fight, she just cries and says "Noooo!" Once she's in, she's fine. :glare:

[mamapjama]

He's five. He used to love it and was sweet and would thank me for washing him. Then somewhere between 3 and 4 things changed. This is not a child I can "make" do anything. If I tried to get him undressed, or set into the tub, he would flail and screech. Both of us would be thoroughly upset by the end of it. My mom even tried the other night and was dumbfounded by his resistance and then change of heart once he was in the tub.

[bbkaren]

I would prefill the tub, no bubbles, warm water...put thrashing kid in tub, wash all over with tear free shampoo, rinse, out and wrapped in a towel.

 

Just getting it done as quickly as possible and not participating in any discussions about it was what worked here.

 

Agree.

 

You're in control, not him.

 

No anger, no compromise, no bribery. He needs a bath, it's a fact of life; we do things we don't like.

 

If tantrum behavior started with mine, there would be an unceremonious swat on the butt cheek, but that's a whole other discussion.

 

That said, my DS6 only bathes twice a week; are you suffering through this daily? If so, I'd humbly suggest doing it less often, for your sake if nothing else!

[dangermom]

My younger daughter was like that too. She just dislikes change of any kind.* So she never wanted to get in the tub, and then she didn't want to get out. She still doesn't want to get out, and is still a little resistant about getting in, but it's the "Awwww, do I hafta?" kind of resistant, not the yelling kind. Nothing ever did much for it, so I was just matter-of-fact and firm.

 

 

* She also dislikes going anywhere, and then enjoys herself once she's there. I swear I could say "Hey, let's go to Disneyland!" and she would reply "I want to stay home."

[Ginevra]

He's five. He used to love it and was sweet and would thank me for washing him. Then somewhere between 3 and 4 things changed. This is not a child I can "make" do anything. If I tried to get him undressed, or set into the tub, he would flail and screech. Both of us would be thoroughly upset by the end of it. My mom even tried the other night and was dumbfounded by his resistance and then change of heart once he was in the tub.

 

What happens then? Do you bathe him anyway? Are you backing off and deciding it's not worth it? You said, "If I tried..." so it makes me wonder if you have insisted.

 

I would not let a 5yo refuse to bathe; it just would not bode well for the future. At the very least, I would grasp him by the shoulders, look him close in the eye and say, "Look, Bobby. We bathe every day and it is time now. You will get undressed and in the bath now." I would make him, come hell or high water, even if it was thoroughly upsetting to us both.

[Scarymelon]

Several of my kids don't like to take showers or bathe; I make them do it twice a week. Last time someone completely refused, I picked them up, put them in the shower (fully clothed) and turned on the water. It seemed harsh, but they were really pushing to see what I would do, and I haven't gotten too much push back since then.

[IsabelC]

I know that many people find a daily routine helps, but personally I would consider only insisting on a bath when your child is actually dirty. Kids that age don't tend to sweat much, so they often don't need washing daily (except for hands and face) if they haven't been doing dirty/mess play.

 

I'd give him some options, but not too many. I think it's reasonable to give the choice of a bath or a shower (or perhaps a sponge bath for kids who are frightened of water). But I don't feel obliged to offer loads and loads of fun and accessories, because after washing is a basic activity that we all need to do!

 

If you can't physically force him into the bath without one of you getting hurt (or don't want to), you could try some logical consequences around not being acceptably clean. "Oh dear, we won't be able to visit our friends, because we can't go out dirty" or "Oops, only clean children can come to our dinner table!" If you prefer not to coerce your child at all, there's always the option of just ignoring it until he decides to wash himself. Or if you want total tough love you could put him in the yard and hose him off!

 

It would probably be a big help if you could figure out what is his problem. Is he afraid of the tub or the water? Is he pushing the boundaries? Is he not wanting to bath because he doesn't want to go to bed? Is he not wanting to stop playing to go have his bath?

Edited October 10, 2011 by Hotdrink

[jplain]

Eh, frequent baths for pre-adolescents are overrated, unless the kid is truly dirty or has greasy hair. In our house, a 5yo refusing to bathe wouldn't be a hill to die on unless s/he was dirty in some way that couldn't be taken care of with a washcloth and some water at the sink.

 

My 5 and 8 year olds don't mind baths, but they don't take them often. Maybe once every couple of weeks during the fall/winter/spring. Maybe less often. ;) They bathe daily in the summer when they go to daycamp, get dirty, and/or wear bug spray or sunscreen. And they do take weekly swim lessons several months of the year, so that probably counts for something. :D

 

Rest assured, they don't stink or look unkempt. They wash hands and faces frequently, and they love to request "footie baths" if they've been outside barefoot. And besides, my younger daughter's eczema does much better with minimal bathing....

 

And for what it's worth, in my family of origin, my sibs and I didn't bathe often. (One bathtub for 6 kids meant frequent baths weren't gonna happen.) Once I started taking showers as an adolescent, I chose to bathe plenty often. So don't worry that his 5yo bathing habits are going to ruin him for life. Besides, from what I hear, teenage boys' showers are a point of contention in every household.

Edited October 10, 2011 by jplain

[LAS in LA]

That said, my DS6 only bathes twice a week; are you suffering through this daily? If so, I'd humbly suggest doing it less often, for your sake if nothing else!

 

:iagree: We're pretty much on the once-a-week plan here (for the kids!), barring major dirt or sweatiness. This was standard when I was little, too. I can't imagine bathing everyone every night! Nobody stinks and their skin doesn't get dry as I think it would if they got soaped up every night.

[IsabelC]

:iagree: We're pretty much on the once-a-week plan here (for the kids!), barring major dirt or sweatiness. This was standard when I was little, too. I can't imagine bathing everyone every night! Nobody stinks and their skin doesn't get dry as I think it would if they got soaped up every night.

Absolutely! My kids have been bathing daily lately, but only because they've taken to playing in the mud pit (aka sand box during the spring rains) and come in covered with mud. Before that they were going for a week or more between showers/baths sometimes.

[Jennifer3141]

What if you climbed in there with him? :001_smile:

[Parker Martin]

I have no tips, but I have been there. My oldest used to scream at bath time as though an axe murderer were rampaging through the house. I was afraid that someone would walk past the house and call the police because it sounded like someone was being tortured.

 

Now he loves baths except for the hair washing, and there is no screaming.

 

Maybe your son will grow out of it.

[Parrothead]

Start counting it down. In 10 minutes you'll be getting into the tub. Then 5 minutes, then 1 minute. That will help with changing activities.

 

A schedule were every evening you do the same routine - dinner, clean up, bath, TV, bedtime book, lights out. Or whatever working in your family.

 

Accept no argument. Just pick him up and put him in. Clothing and all if you need to. He will think it is hilarious.

Edited October 10, 2011 by Parrothead

[kalanamak]

He's five. He used to love it and was sweet and would thank me for washing him. Then somewhere between 3 and 4 things changed. This is not a child I can "make" do anything. If I tried to get him undressed, or set into the tub, he would flail and screech. Both of us would be thoroughly upset by the end of it. My mom even tried the other night and was dumbfounded by his resistance and then change of heart once he was in the tub.

 

Read him Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and the Radish Cure.

[6packofun]

You know, a combination of fewer baths in general (within reason) and the child missing out on certain things because he hasn't washed works pretty well.

 

There are so many things that stinky people can't do! They can't go to McDonald's, go to the park or playground, go to Sunday school, or go to visit friends or family...gosh, they might even stink so bad that they have to hang out in another room while the family snuggles in front of the tv or plays games together! But that family might be willing to wait while said stinky person changes his mind and quickly washes in the tub. ;)

 

That's how it rolls here. I make it so that they *want* to obey, for their own good and that of everyone around them. I'm OK missing some stuff, too, in order to teach this lesson.

[EKS]

I found that making things consistent every night worked well. So, even though it might have been overkill, I had my kids take a bath every night so that the expectation was the same each night. Bath, PJs, story, song (or whatever).

[WishboneDawn]

He's five. He used to love it and was sweet and would thank me for washing him. Then somewhere between 3 and 4 things changed. This is not a child I can "make" do anything. If I tried to get him undressed, or set into the tub, he would flail and screech. Both of us would be thoroughly upset by the end of it. My mom even tried the other night and was dumbfounded by his resistance and then change of heart once he was in the tub.

 

My son still protests but will get in the tub when I insist - and then stay in for an hour or two having fun! :confused:. When he was younger I was very calm, very boring, very consistent but very firm. I gave no reaction to the screeching, just stripped him down and got him into the tub. Don't know if this will help but it's what worked for me.

[bettyandbob]

I would

 

1. try to tie bathing to privileges, until it is a habit. For instance bath time is at 7. If you aren't in the bath tub at 7 then it's lights out in the bedroom. If you have a bath you get story time and a little in room playtime before lights out at 8. Whatever works best in your family and motivates your kid.

 

2. Consider if your ds has sensory issues your have not previously picked up on. Now that he's five he can assert himself more and IME sensory sensitive kids can be very difficult to "make" do anything.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I'm currently struggling with the 10yo, but the 6yo I can do!

 

He knows the schedule throughout the day. Once we hit our evening routine, I start reminding him (if he's in a bad mood). After dinner we clean up and I wash ds's hair in the sink (yes, nightly is a lot, but he has sensory issues to the point that if we do not do it nightly, he will not tolerate it). Once his hair is washed he goes upstairs and picks out the toys to join him if he has earned it. I turn on the shower and wash his body, but I hope that by the end of the school year he'll be able to wash himself. If he doesn't fight, he gets to fill the tub and play. When he's done he lets the water out and slides back and forth in the tub.

 

Right out of the tub he brushes his teeth and goes straight into his room for reading and bed.

 

He will argue about all of this, but I just make it not fun. By doing it nightly he doesn't fight as much as when I tried less than daily.

[myfunnybunch]

Read Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, The Radish Cure?

 

Or better yet, try the radish cure. ;)

 

Sorry, that's no help. I think I'd work on creating a routine that follows bath with a highly preferred activity, like bedtime story or even ice cream, at least until he's in the habit of bathing without an awful lot of resistance.

 

ETA: I see kalanmak beat me to it. ;)

 

Cat

[Pamela H in Texas]

My son had an extra hard time with the tub also. It is regularly an example I use in discipline related posts :)

 

The thing that worked best for him was giving him time to wrap his head around the idea. So at 6:30, I might say, "John, by 7:15, I want you in the tub." Now, obviously, that would be too long of a time for a 3yr old. Just tweak it as necessary. Limited choices such as what to do first, Bath or ______, also may work.

 

World stopping may be necessary. This is a time when being a homeschooler is very helpful! Bathtime is in the morning or just after school. That means that the bath gets done or NOTHING else (other than using the restroom or eating) will be done.

 

For a young child, routine and limited choices ("do you want to bunny hop or get a piggy back ride to the bath tub?") often work well.

[Ginevra]

I found that making things consistent every night worked well. So, even though it might have been overkill, I had my kids take a bath every night so that the expectation was the same each night. Bath, PJs, story, song (or whatever).

 

:iagree: Exactly true for me too. To me, it was worth it to go through the tantrum every night because then at least I was consistent in my message that every night is bath night and there's no point wailing about it.

 

My son still protests but will get in the tub when I insist - and then stay in for an hour or two having fun! :confused:. When he was younger I was very calm, very boring, very consistent but very firm. I gave no reaction to the screeching, just stripped him down and got him into the tub. Don't know if this will help but it's what worked for me.

 

:iagree: Exactly.

[Ewe Mama]

Read him Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and the Radish Cure.

 

 

I was just going to suggest that! :lol:

[Julie Smith]

Read Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, The Radish Cure?

 

Or better yet, try the radish cure. ;)

 

Sorry, that's no help. I think I'd work on creating a routine that follows bath with a highly preferred activity, like bedtime story or even ice cream, at least until he's in the habit of bathing without an awful lot of resistance.

 

ETA: I see kalanmak beat me to it. ;)

 

Cat

 

I don't have that book handy, and we haven't done it as a read aloud yet... So please tell me what the radish cure is. :bigear:

[gardenmom5]

How do you handle this? Nothing I do will get him in the tub. Shower is not even a consideration. I put in bubbles, lots of tub only toys etc. There has never been anything tramatic, and once he is in, he usually stays for at least 1/2 hour. But to get him in is a miserable battle.

 

Anyone gone through this and find a solution?

how old is the child and has he ever been evaulated for sensory processing disorder? SPD kids can freak out over just the thought of water.

 

try sponge baths, try less things in the tub, epsom salts actually can be calming

[SKL]

The mean mom in me says, make him take a quick (but thorough) shower if he won't take a nice, fun bath. Drag him in there with you if need be.

 

I agree with those who say it's not necessary every day. But some consistent bath policy needs to be followed. If he knows what's coming, he may not have as much trouble mentally transitioning from whatever else he was engaged in. And he needs to know that it's not negotiable.

 

My kids don't like having their hair washed. Too bad! They put up with it because I say so (and really, it's just a couple of minutes, once or twice per week.) But on the other hand, I don't go out of my way to aggravate. My eldest used to really hate having water poured on her head, so I figured out other ways to get the job done until she could tolerate a normal hair wash.

[OnTheBrink]

My younger daughter was like that too. She just dislikes change of any kind.* So she never wanted to get in the tub, and then she didn't want to get out. She still doesn't want to get out, and is still a little resistant about getting in, but it's the "Awwww, do I hafta?" kind of resistant, not the yelling kind. Nothing ever did much for it, so I was just matter-of-fact and firm.

 

 

* She also dislikes going anywhere, and then enjoys herself once she's there. I swear I could say "Hey, let's go to Disneyland!" and she would reply "I want to stay home."

 

I think we have the same daughter. LOL

 

Start counting it down. In 10 minutes you'll be getting into the tub. Then 5 minutes, then 1 minute. That will help with changing activities.

 

A schedule were every evening you do the same routine - dinner, clean up, bath, TV, bedtime book, lights out. Or whatever working in your family.

 

Accept no argument. Just pick him up and put him in. Clothing and all if you need to. He will think it is hilarious.

 

I agree with the count-down. While dd is still resistant to change of any sort (even change from doing one thing and then doing another), giving her a heads-up that the change is coming decreases the resistance somewhat.

[GypsieFamily]

No thoughts, just :grouphug:. As we have very limited water (400L a week because of the caravan, and that's for drinking, cooking, washing and bathing) we can't have daily showers. But yesterday we had water and I told the kids they were having a bath. DS said, "Oh, but Muuuummm...I just had one a few days ago." Sorry, as I said, no help, just sympathy.

[myfunnybunch]

I don't have that book handy, and we haven't done it as a read aloud yet... So please tell me what the radish cure is. :bigear:

 

Let the child go without bathing until very grimy.

 

Gently press radish seeds into the grime.

 

When the radishes start to grow, the roots will tickle, and the child will be so appalled that one can harvest vegetables from her (or him) that he or she will bathe.

 

:lol:

 

That Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle is a genius!

 

Cat

[mykdsmomy]

Wow, I can empathize with you :grouphug: My ds7 used to take several baths a day when he was younger...You couldn't get him out of the tub (it helped him self regulate).

 

Now I'm lucky if I can get him in twice a week :glare: I am going to be implementing a picture schedule soon in the hopes that if he sees what needs to be done on a daily basis, it will help. There will be no surprises, so to speak.

 

No great words of wisdom, just full on empathy :)

[AndyJoy]

DISCLAIMER: My son is only 2 but I do have ideas!:D

 

What if you told him, "Son, you have to take a bath. You do have a choice though: we can do it the easy way (you say "Yes, Mommy", take off your clothes, don't complain, etc.) or the hard way (you whine and argue, I have to help you get undressed and in, etc.) If you choose the easy way, you'll have a proud mommy and get to put a sticker on this chart and when you get X stickers you'll get X. Or if you choose the easy way you'll get to stay up for 10 extra minutes and do X.

 

When our son started fighting tooth-brushing at 20 months or so we told him we could do it the easy way (sitting up, singing a song) or the hard way (laying down, holding his head/mouth). He quickly realized he preferred the easy way.